#I should really just read stone butch blues. I keep meaning to. it’s written by a disabled jewish butch

[possibilistfanfiction]

Genuine question, how did you figure out or realize the whole being butch thing? What does being butch mean to you?

idk if it was like… figure out? more so just putting a name to something i’ve always felt or known about myself. i came out as a lesbian, then i came out as nb, then i was like well i want gender affirming care so that must mean i am Trans™️, & it’s like… none of those words or kind of… vibes (lol sorry) quite fit? i don’t feel like a cis lesbian, & i actually kind of despise non-binary as a concept (don’t send asks abt this i won’t answer them lol, do ur own thing if u love it that’s cool); i think for me personally Transness is a little too serious & intense & limiting to how i feel. & im a white afab person in a smaller body, & honestly…….. we are often the wooooorst demographic of trans ppl lmao so i just didn’t even rly like some spaces i was in. i got the most important gender affirming care i wanted, i moved & i got married, i got to work remotely etc

& so just sitting with all of that it was like. ok well a lot of neoliberal queer spaces piss me the fuck off; i’m not cis, but i’m not TRANS in the way a lot of ppl (very validly) feel; i do Not like nb. i’d read stone butch blues before, i have a degree in critical theory where i worked a loooot w queer theory, obviously i’ve written abt queerness for ages lol. so then i was just like ah. butch. dyke. YAH! sweet. 100/10 feels amazing i love it

& i think for me i love those words most bc they’re rooted in really radical belief that i have. they carry an ethic with them that, at its best & most intersectional ofc, i want to act on, all the time. i want to show up for people & be protective & tough & strong but i also so deeply want to be nurturing & nourishing. i want to allow myself to be nourished & cared for. i think it feels rly wonderful to have a word for transgressive gender that sums it all up bc people lived it before me. they made that very specific & particular space to experience femininity in a way that doesn’t feel like a noose.

i think also butchness is so expansive! something that never sat right w me abt the way we talk abt transness in the west is that i don’t think there are ‘pre’ & ‘post’ transition selves. like… i’ve never been Not Me? like i came out of the womb a dyke. all i did my entire childhood is run around in the mountains, catalogue leaves, play w my dog, read nancy drew, & avidly watch + play any women’s soccer i could. i loved to fish & mountain bike, i grew up in the desert so gardening to me was a miracle. i never cared abt gender at all beyond like ‘well i guess i’m a girl & the women i admire just won a world cup, they’re badass’ & that was it. i liked boys clothes bc they were practical & felt better, but i just. didn’t think about it. ppl called me a tomboy which was fine, i liked scout in to kill a mockingbird so whatever. but i never felt “non-binary” & i certainly never felt like a boy.

& i am… still just like that lmao. i hated my boobs, point blank day 1 lol, but that doesn’t have to mean i’m trans, or that i’ve somehow changed in a way that requires separation from who i’ve been my whole life. i HATE the language of ‘dead/lived’ name; i hate the weird expectation that u should allow the state to have all of ur gender stuff on record (no fucking thank you, y’all can keep my legal name & i will be flying under the radar lol). so i think western transness rly just. irritates me. doesn’t fit. hasn’t ever fit.

so butchness is like. i am 8 year old jude, i’m just older now. if this makes sense ur butch lmao but. it’s this rly free space to play w masculinity in a way that doesn’t necessitate western transness, & also doesn’t necessitate a separation from maternalism, which i fundamentally believe in. i don’t even rly think of my own care as “gender affirming” & more just like… essence affirming. i didn’t want top surgery so my body could be read as male; i wanted it so i could look like me. i want my clothes to feel & fit in a Very particular way bc that’s how i like them. it’s abt practicality, efficiency, comfort.

& lastly to me butchness has a remarkable space for tenderness that masculinity on its own just cannot hold. like. it’s abt being protective & strong, sure, but it’s in service of others. always always always. so sometimes that looks like communicating calmly, sometimes that looks like infinite small acts of service for ur friends or ur partner. when i think of settling into myself it’s more about returning to who i knew i was when i was a kid, when i was the only person my dog liked & how it felt to sit on the swings when the sun was setting after the monsoon; it’s allowing myself to love like that — caring, & quiet, & full.

ultimately to me butchness is about devotion, more than anything in the world. devoted to safety, devoted to community. no one is devoted the way dykes are bc it’s how we survive. it’s how we have always survived — the steadfastness, the faith, the joy, even thru suffering, to not be boxed in. to help each other. to be funny & kind & thoughtful & not reject the absolute best parts of womanhood for the sake of a western box. to demand care. it’s so beautiful. devotion.

tldr it’s the best

[stonebutch]

Hey there I love your blog! I just finished Stone Butch Blues, I was wondering, are there any other books about our history? It resonated with me so much and has taught me so much, and I want to learn more

hello!! thank you for reaching out! there are many many books about butches, femmes, and lesbians throughout history. my schooling was more specific to medieval history so unfortunately i don’t have a lot of academic resources in this area. i’m always collecting sources though! the below links aren’t specifically only books.

@/persistentlyfem’s butchxfem history tag (here)

hell, anything on that blog is a great resource - and has links to other places for resources. if you’re interested in old fashion old school (OFOS) things, this is a great blog too. personally, connecting with OFOS behaviour and fashion has helped my femme and i come into our own understanding of what butch and femme means to us.

minne bruce pratt’s books (here) - she was the spouse of feinberg!

there’s this google drive (here) and its parent branch (here) with a lot of saved PDFs of zines and books and essays. judith butler is on there as are several others. credit to tumblr user @/fegeleh!

i’d highly recommend pursuing it because, as you’ll see, butch and femme history is intertwined with the history of the Black rights movement, the antiprison movement, and i’d really recommend perusing their feminism/womanism/Black feminism folder as well. seek out Black lesbians and read what they’ve written and listen to what they have to say. there’s plenty on tumblr alone!

transgender libration: a movement whose time has come by leslie feinberg (pdf here and here) 

@/lesbianherstorian (here) has sources for decades upon decades of lesbian content, not specifically butch or femme, but worth checking out regardless!

this interview with stormé delarvarie (here) and more info about stormé (here) and (here)

if you find a copy the video gender troubles: the butches is apparently really great - i can’t personally vouch for it because i haven’t found a way to p*rate am*zon video, so. the second i do you bet your ass i’m uploading that to g*ogle dr*ve.

a great list of Black feminist books (here)

some academic sources i’ve found but can’t personally recommend as i haven’t read them: note that i have used sci-hub to make them free but if it doesn’t work let me know and i’ll upload them to a drive:

butch between the wars: a pre-history of butch style in twentieth-century literature, music, and film (here)

the return of butch and femme: a phenomenon in lesbian sexuality of the 1980s and 1990s (here)

butches, femmes, and feminists: the politics of lesbian sexuality (here)

again, i have not vetted the above articles. if you want to find more of your own, go to jstor, search for butch and/or femme, find the direct link to whatever article you want, and enter the link into sci-hub for the free PDF. download.

ultimately, when you’re reading about our history, it’s important to keep some questions at the forefront of your mind.

does this author value trans women? does this author include trans women?

does this author recognize and understand how trans women have built our broader community, have fought for our lives and our rights?

does this author value Black lives?

does this author value Black lesbians, studs, stem lesbians? does this author respect Black lesbians?

does this author recognize and understand how important Black lesbians are to the community?

does this author acknowledge the intersections of being Black, trans, and a lesbian?

make sure that whatever you’re reading doesn’t use t/rf and f/cist buzzwords, but that should go without saying.

good luck on your journey!