#I wanna bang my head against a wall until I don't exist

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

[sublimecatgalaxy]

Heavy on The Heart

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: Since the fall, the readers been struggling with her mental health and, given the state of the world, there's not a lot of resources for them. But they didn't have Joel when it first fell, now they do.

Warnings: Mental health struggles, sadness, angst but happyish ending.

Word Count: 1.2k

A/n: There was a need for this character apparently so I decided to take it upon myself and write it for the lovely @causeimhappinesss!

On days like these, the world just seems bleaker than other days.

Its the feeling of water in my lungs when I first wake up, a gasping, clearing my throat, uncomfortable feeling that sits in the front of my mind- clear your throat one more time, y/n, it'll go away. But it never does. Instead it gets worse, travels from your heart to your lungs, your life devoted muscle pumping suddenly at the speed of life and banging against your ribs.

Between the drowning feeling and the motorboat running rampant in my chest, it's like a can't breathe, can't afford to get out of bed because it'll just get worse with every step away from my bed that I take.

I know that Joel will be coming soon, picking me up so we can go on runs for the low life's of the city, trading worthless things for things that could eventually help us get to Tommy, to get to safety. But the thought of seeing him makes me want to cry and the thought of having to put a brave face on and fake being completely and utterly miserable and anxious- it makes me more miserable and more anxious.

The knock on my door has me rolling away from it, deciding to face the window instead so the first thing Joel sees aren't the dark bags beneath my eyes and the scowl on my lips. Our frowns will at least match.

He steps into my apartment, I can hear the thick boots thudding against the wood floor until he enters my room cautiously, fingers rapping against the wall as he clears his throat. I give him a simple hum of acknowledgment and my heart begins to beat faster as I watch him step around the bed, eyes finally meeting mine.

"Hey." He whispers, sitting down beside me on the bed with a simple tilt of his head, looking over me with a soft, worried expression. "You okay?" He asks and he reaches out to rest his hand on my hip through the blanket, just his touch makes me want to fold into myself and cry.

"Not feeling up to the run today." I mutter with a tremble, my lip shaking as a cold sweat shines on my body. "You and Tess can go without me." I wave him off, pulling my blanket further up onto my shoulders as I snuggle further into the safety of my bed, wishing nothing but to sink into my mattress completely.

"What're you feelin'?" He asks, leg bouncing nervously.

"I don't want to talk about it." My once sad mood turns sour and I begin to feel angry at Joel for asking me so many questions and it makes me more angry to be angry at Joel for no reason. He doesn't know any better, he's just worried but for some reason by brain chooses to be annoyed by his affection that he rarely shows in the first place.

"Okay." He nods sternly but there's a sense of disapproval in his eyes as he gazes down at me. "But you can," he pauses, rubbing circles into my hip with a soft smile, "talk about it, I mean."

"I know, Joel." I sigh, clutching the blankets to me as I sit up, his eyes suddenly widening at my sudden closeness. His arm adjusts, wrapping around my waist to keep me propped up against him, my fingers busying themselves with messing with the buttons on his jacket. "Sometimes I just wake up and have this elephant sitting on my chest. Especially when I think about leaving the apartment. I just wanna stay here." I let out a sign of relief at my own confession, happy that I had the guts to actually admit it to him of all people. We're not the biggest on feeling things, especially with each other. "It's just hard to exist when the worlds like this."

"You're scaring me." He says suddenly, his voice dropping an octave or two at the fear in my own voice.

"I'll be okay." I smile sadly. "Think I'm in an anxious funk."

"You sound fuckin' depressed." He laughs sadly, reaching up to brush some hair from my eyes, thumb lingering against my cheekbone as I just give him a simple shrug, not knowing what to say.

"Don't make fun of me." I tease and I reach out to shove him playfully.

"I'm not, I promise." He whispers, my whole body relaxing into his touch and the way his eyes look over me, as if I'm protected just by his affectionate, caring, worried gaze. "I'll tell Tess to go at it alone. I'll stay here with you." He goes to get up but I reach out to grab his hand in mine, suddenly feeling a bit of a pep to my step as I begin to think about a day at home with Joel, all to myself.

"Yeah?" I ask with a sigh of relief.

"You seem excited." He chuckles, patting my cheek before making his way to his feet, backing up slowly. "Hold your horses, Tess is out in the hallway. Let me go tell her, alright?" He offers with his hands up in surrender and I nod, sitting with my hands folded in my lap but he gives me a firm gesture to rest. "Lay down."

"I'll wait for you." I nod, falling back onto the bed to get comfortable once more, watching until Joel is out of my sight and I can hear them talking out in the hallway.

I can only imagine how this makes me look in Tess's eyes, maybe weak, stupid, the lesser woman, but I can't find it in me to care when I know that I'll have Joel with me, all day, taking care of me and making sure I get through the day.

"Thank you." I tell Joel when he comes back and he's smiling at me with a cute tilt of his head.

"For?" He grunts an old man grunt as he slides down into the bed beside me, holding an arm out to me so I can slide into his side, curving my body against his and I lay my head on his chest, finally back where I've belonged for days.

"Caring about me." I draw circles on his skin through his flannel, ignoring the heat that's rising to my cheeks.

"Don't gotta thank me." He whispers against my hairline and tugs me further against himself, clinging onto me like I matter to do. Because I do. "I care for you like I think about breathing-I don't think, I just do."

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[ryethebrokengae]

Just thinking about Price walking into the base kitchen in the middle of the night to find you{Trans masc, post T and top chop reader} dancing to Closer by NIN[This shits gonna be nasty, enjoy]:

You were making yourself a snack, not being able to sleep. You put on your play list while moving around the kitchen to gather the things needed to make yourself pancakes.

One of your favorite songs, Closer by nine inch nails, came on and you started moving your head to the beat.

Once the first verse came on you started moving the rest of your body with the music.

'You let me violate you,

You let me desecrate you,

You let me penetrate you,

You let me complicate you'

You move your hips to it, spinning around while putting together the dry ingredients. While jamming out you didn't notice Price leaning against the door jam to watch you.

'(Help me) I broke apart my insides,

(Help me) I've got no soul to sell

(Help me) the only thing that works for me

Help me get away from myself'

You mix the wet ingredients into the bowl while head banging to the beat. Mouthing along with the words, twisting your torso in time with the words.

Unknowingly giving Price a great show of your ass.

'I wanna fuck you like an animal,

I wanna feel you from the inside,

I wanna fuck you like an animal,

My whole existence is flawed,

You get me closer to god'

Once the song gets to the chorus you're full on dancing. Head banging with your eyes closed, spinning in a slow circle while you roll your hips back and forth. Left hip moving back while the right one moves forward.

'You can have my isolation'

You suddenly feel Price's hands on your hips while you're turned to face the counter again. Suddenly stopping your dancing.

'You can have the hate that it brings'

You feel Price's lips on your neck, kissing you slowly. Whispering into your skin.

"Don't let me stop you."

'You can have my absence of faith'

You grin to yourself, resuming the motions of your hips. Now purposely rolling your ass back into his hips. Feeling him almost growl into your neck. His hold on your hips tightening, but not restricting your movement.

'You can have my everything'

Price suddenly shoves your torso to be pressed to the counter. Impatiently pushing away the ingredients you had laid out.

You let out a small squeak at his shove, teasingly shaking your ass against him.

'(Help me) tear down my reason,

(Help me) it's your sex I can smell,

(Help me) you make me perfect,

Help me become somebody else'

Price leans over you, nipping at your neck. A rumble coming from his chest in warning.

His fingers hooking in the waist band of your sweat pants, pulling them just past your ass.

Price let's out a groan at seeing you're not wearing any boxers. Running his thumb along the very inside of your thigh, enamored by how wet you are already.

"Fuckin' hell, Sargent." He whispers out, quickly shoving a single finger down to the third knuckle inside of you.

'I wanna fuck you like an animal'

You let out a yelp at the sudden intrusion. Quickly recovering from the surprise. Pressing yourself further against him. Head landing on your arms resting on the counter. You let out a loud moan.

'I wanna feel you from the inside'

Price hooks his finger inside of you, feeling your walls until he brushes against your g-spot. Causing you to buck your hips back, releasing a pathetic moan.

Price is barely hanging onto his self control. Quickly removing his finger from you. Shushing the whine that leaves your lips. Unbuckling his pants, and pushing his boxers down just enough to let his cock slap against his stomach. Resting the hard length on your ass, rubbing the underside along your pussy. Collecting your wetness.

'I wanna fuck you like an animal'

You feel Price pull back slightly, the weight of his hard cock no longer resting on you.

When you feel the tip of him pressed against the entrance to your cunt. Pushing himself forward until just the tip is in.

You let out a loud whine at the stretch, hips twitching down. Unconsciously rolling your hips down.

You hear Price groan in unison with your whine. Hand running along your spine, pushing your shirt up with it. Fingers pressing into your skin, short nails gently scraping your skin.

'My whole existence is flawed,

You get me closer to god'

At the end of the second chorus Price thrusts forward, filling you completely. His head falls back, panting slightly.

Your hands in the counter grasping, trying to find anything to hold onto. Panting harshly, cunt clenching around him once. Causing him to thrust forward again, pulling a small scream from you.

As the instrumental portion of the song plays Price pulls back and starts a good, harsh pace of fucking into you. Hands on your hips, gripping so hard you can nearly feel the bruises forming already.

Every few thrusts a whiney moan falls out of your mouth, face hidden in your arms. Price tut's behind you, grabbing your hair.

'Through every forest'

"I don't think so." He pulls your head back, forcing you to arch your back.

You moan loudly, clenching around his cock once more.

'Above the trees,

Within my stomach,

Scraped off my knees'

You hear a restrained groan fall from Price's lips. Thrusting forward harshly three more times, before you feel him start to fill you.

'I drink the honey'

You can feel the sheen of sweat cool on your skin. Clenching around him again purposefully.

He lets out a strangled moan, grip on your hips tightening.

"S-stop that" The Captain grunts out.

'Inside your hive'

You feel Price lean back, pulling out of you slowly. You let out a whine at the sensitivity. Pussy clenching unconsciously once he's fully pulled out. Causing drops of him to leak out of you, slowly dripping down the inside of your thigh.

'You are the reason'

Price chuckles breathlessly, squeezing your ass once last time before gently pulling your sweatpants back up over your hips. Cum most definitely staining the crotch of them.

You hear Price put himself back in his boxers. Before rebuckling his pants, while you catch your breath. He rubs your back through your shirt, leaning forwards to press a kiss to the back of your neck.

'I stay alive'

"Looks like you're gonna need new pancake mix." He whispers into your ear.

You turn your head to find you had spilled all of your pancake mix on the counter during your 'activities'. Somehow only getting a few drops on your skin.

You groan in frustration, dropping your head onto the counter again.

Price chuckles. Rubbing your back again, before you no longer feel him behind you. Peaking your eyes open you see Price grabbing paper towels to wipe up the mess.

You push yourself off of the counter to help him clean up. But he tut's at you, shaking his head.

"No no, you just sit there for me. I've got this." He says, picking you up to sit you on the counter. Pressing a sweet kiss to your cheek.

You feel yourself flush watching your Captain clean up spilt batter, then re-gathering the ingredients to make a new batch. His eyes moving from the task at hand and back to you all the while.

&A/n: I'm still working on the Simon Riley smut, but I thought of this in the middle of the night while I was making myself a pancake XD.

And pretend the song isn't just 6 minutes lmaooo

[miyaagis]

*head in hands* iwaizumi with a super hot step sister and all his friends talk about how they wanna fuck her, and iwa feels the exact same way and ends up fucking her while their parents on are a grocery run

adhsjw YESS !! head in hands !!

+ pairing. iwaizumi h. / fem reader

+ warnings. stepcest, degradation, dacryphilia, exhibitionism

“i feel sorry for you, having a sis that hot and not getting to bang her? tragic.”

“as long as I have a face, she'll always have a seat.”

“iwa-chan! what do you think about becoming brothers in law?"

a sob leaves your mouth as you desperately cling onto the headboard, trying to ease the sting in your scalp.

“filthy whore,” iwaizumi tugs at your hair once more, watching as you quiver underneath him with a pathetic whine, “you love having three dicks hard and ready for you, don't you?"

“haji-nii please... it hurts!”

his hand lands on your ass, watching it jiggle before groping the flesh between his fingers, “good. maybe that'll teach you to stop being a slut whenever my friends are around.”

is it that bad that you like the attention? they are all very handsome men, and your own stepbrother barely looked your way. unless he was in the mood to fuck you, he would treat you as if you didn't exist. so if this was the way to get him to notice you, then you'd do it all over again.

his thick cock throbs against your walls, the head reaching your cervix and nudging those sweet spots that have you creaming immediately around him.

"fuck– so fucking needy for my cock," you're babbling at this point, too fucked out to reply or process whatever he's saying, "this cunt's all mine, are we clear?"

"we're back!"

multiple steps can be heard on the stairs, but neither of you care, too busy focusing on reaching your orgasm.

“oi, iwaizumi! where’s your–”

he groans when your walls clench around his cock, pulling you up until your back is pressed against his chest as the door of his room opens.

the three intruders get a good look of your naked breasts, tangled hair and ruined face while iwaizumi keeps fucking you.

“she’s busy cumming on my dick," he says, a malicious smirk on his lips as his hand goes to your clit.

you squirm and sob as your juices gush onto his cock while he pumps loads of cum into your cunt, groaning as he feels it spasm around him.

"tragic. right?"