#I wanna talk to people even tho its almost 1:00

[goldenmessenger]

TS Actor AU: Reach Out Your Hand Pt 1

Summary: Before recovery can come, you have to admit you have a problem first. In 2019, Roman’s been clean for about 6 years. In 2011, however? Clean is a long way away. He’s alone. Isolated. No-one to turn to. Except he might have one person. But Roman’s ignored him for the last 4 years. But then the voicemail comes.

Read on Ao3 here.

A/N: Hey everyone! So, I’m currently working on a multi-chapter fic set after the last two fics. But that’s probably going to take me a while. So in the meantime, have this fic that’s set 8 years before the others. This is some backstory on Roman, Remus, and Dillon, and how Roman got on the first steps to recovery. Also, I meant for this to be a one-shot, but it’s going to be a two-parter. It’s too long to post all at once. I apologize in advance for this, it’s really intense and a lot of whump and angst. I promise part 2 will make up for everything, and that’ll be up tomorrow.

As usual, let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! And once again, I apologize.

Content Warnings: Drunken texts, drug abuse, drug overdose, mild violence (vague mention), self-deprecating thoughts and language, whump, angst

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Thursday, March 20, 2008

Sent at 11:24pm

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx:

happhy B-day roe

its me Rekus

Remus

i gootta new phonee 

im sorry

iwas the worts 

woest

worsr 

Cant typw

To drukn 

Miss u tho

First b-day wit out u

Do u mis me to?

See u on th news

Got that moie 

Movie deal u wanted

Hop ur doin wel 

That ur happy

M not

Mis u

Love u

****************************

Friday, March 20, 2009

Sent at 2:00 pm

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx:

Hey Ro, happy birthday,

it’s me again. 

I wanna apologize for the mess that I sent last year. Thought you’d like to know I’m in a much better place now.

I’m in college in San Francisco, probably gonna live there after.

Gotta boyfriend, just like you always said you would if we didn’t have to deal with everyone’s expectations.

Went to therapy, boyfriend’s idea

Though he was just a best friend then

It’s been really helpful. 

I was so awful to you. 

I honestly wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again

You don’t have to forgive me, I just want a chance to talk

If you want to meet up

Just let me know

****************************

Saturday, March 20, 2010

 Sent at 10:00 am

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx: 

Hey Ro

Happy birthday again. 

At this point, I know you probably won’t reply

This probably isn’t even your number anymore. 

I don’t know why I keep texting you though

Closure, perhaps?

An inability to let go?

Whatever it is, it’s kinda sad

I can’t stop though

If by any chance you are reading this, please respond

I don’t care if it’s to say you hate me, or never want to talk to me again, please

I need you

I need my brother

****************************

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Sent at 10:00 am

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx: 

Happy birthday Ro!

This will probably be the last time I text you. 

My boyfriend, Dillon, pointed out that if you were going to reply, you would’ve already

I need to move on

I need to heal 

I still love you though 

You’ll always be my brother

****************************

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Sent at 11:00 am

Text from (xxx) xxx-xxxx: 

Ro

Ro, what the hell?

I know I said that I wouldn’t text again 

But I just saw the news

You punched someone?

What on earth

I’d honestly be kinda proud of you if I wasn’t worried

Are you doing ok? 

That’s not like you. 

I was always the violent one. 

I know what I said before, but if you need anyone to talk to, I’m here. 

I won’t be waiting for you anymore, but I’ll still be here for you, if you need me.

All you need to do is reach out.

****************************

Sunday, August 15, 2011

Missed Call at 1:00 am

Voicemail from (xxx) xxx-xxxx: 

 “Ro—Roman! Please, please tell me you’re there, that you’re alright—

I just heard, apparently you’ve been missing for two weeks? Two whole weeks, and I didn’t know—

Please call me back, or text if that works better! Please, no one knows where you are, if you’re ok, nothing!

I — I can’t lose you Roman.

I mean, maybe I did already, maybe I did a long time ago—

But that was different. At least you were alive. You were happy. At least, I thought you were happy. I’m not so sure about that anymore. 

But if by some miracle, some crazy insane miracle you still have this number, if you’re ok, please please let me know. 

I love you so much Ro. 

I don’t think I ever said it enough, but I do. So, so much. 

I hope wherever you are, you’re ok.”

****************************

The dark hotel room was illuminated only by the screen of his phone. He stared at it with glassy eyes, unseeing, as the message finished playing. Roman was leaning against the bed, sitting on the floor. His phone was gleaming on the ground next to him. 

Roman had read Remus’s texts as they came, of course, but he hadn’t thought they were sincere. That they were real. Nothing else in his life was, not even his own parents. So why should his own twin be an exception? But he didn’t delete the texts or block the number. He let the messages keep coming. And he didn’t know why. 

Maybe because part of him had wanted to hope. Why else would he be where he was now? Why else would he have used the most of the little money he had left to get himself here? Here in a dingy little motel on the edge of San Francisco. He hadn’t told anyone where he was going, not that anyone cared. Maybe Remy might’ve. Remy, who Roman realized now might’ve been his only real friend. At least, he could’ve been, if Roman hadn’t pushed him away when Remy had attempted to convince Roman he had a problem. Pushed him away just like Roman had done to everything else good in his life. 

That’s why he hadn’t contacted Remus yet. Why he’d sat here in this room with it’s flea-ridden bed and peeling wallpaper for almost two weeks now, only leaving to buy food from the nearby convenience store. Remus’s texts had seemed like he was doing well. Roman had looked at his Facebook too. Remus was in college, was living with his boyfriend, a job working as a tech at a local theater. He seemed happy. Roman couldn’t bring himself to ruin that like he ruined everything else. 

But that voicemail—he hadn’t ever heard Remus sound so frightened before. So worried. And about Roman, of all people. Why? Why on earth? Sure, they’d been close as kids, but they hadn’t even been in the same room for years. And Roman had ignored all of Remus’s attempts to make contact since. He couldn’t understand it. It made his head hurt. He was feeling bitterly jittery, and not very glittery. 

That was a weird sentence. When did his thoughts stop making sense? He needed his pills, needed them. He couldn’t deal with all of these thoughts and emotions. He needed them to go away. He needed them to stop. He fumbled on all fours for the bottle, and finally found it, open and empty. That wasn’t right, it’d been full only...only...he couldn’t remember. A wave of dizziness hit him, and he pitched forward, face planting into the ground. 

Something wasn’t right. Why was his brain so fuzzy. Everything hurt so much, he couldn’t think. He needed help. He needed Remus. He somehow managed to find his phone, and hit the contact simply labeled “R.”

The phone rang. And rang. Finally, it was picked up. And a familiar voice spoke.

****************************

Remus ran his hand through his sleeping boyfriend’s hair. It was a calming motion that somewhat helped to calm his racing mind. But not by much. Dillon had attempted to convince Remus to rest, but Remus couldn’t sleep. Not when Roman was missing. He’d gotten the news around midnight, from a former friend of Roman’s, Remy. 

Remy had been the one to tell Remus that Roman had been struggling with a drug addiction, though Remy didn’t know how long. He’d tried to get Roman some help as soon as he found out, but the other man had rejected it and broke off their friendship. Remy had gone to Roman’s apartment that morning to attempt to repair their relationship, with the hope that he could eventually convince Roman to get some help. But he was nowhere to be found. The door was unlocked, and there was two weeks worth of mail on the floor. He’d found Remus’s number on accident, on a post-it on Roman’s fridge, labeled “Bro.” That’s when he’d called Remus and, upon finding out he was Roman’s brother, told him everything.

Remus didn’t quite understand why Roman had his number saved like that, but the more pressing concern was finding Roman. Remus attempted to call Roman several times, each one going straight to voicemail.

He didn’t blame Dillon for falling asleep though. Remus would if he could. He couldn’t though. The hand that wasn’t running through Dillon’s hair had a death grip on his phone. He couldn’t stop staring at it, praying to anyone who would listen that it would ring.

He didn’t know what he expected though. Roman had never responded to him in the past, so why would now be any diff— 

“I’m a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie wooorld

Life in plastic, it’s fantastic...”

Remus startled as his phone’s ringtone filled the room. Next to him, Dillon shifted and blinked tiredly at him. 

“Why on earth do you still have that obnoxious song as your ringtone?” Dillon questioned, a little grumpy at being woken so unceremoniously. 

“You can brush my hair, undress me everywheere

Imagination, life is your creation...”

Remus could barely hear him. He could barely hear his own ringtone. All he could do was stare at the name that lit up the screen.

Lil bRO(man)

“Come on, Barbie, let's go party!”

Dillon looked up at Remus, the sleep slowly fading from his gaze as his brain slowly began to catch up.

“Re, what’s wrong?”

“I’m a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie wooorld

Life in plastic, it’s fantastic...”

The chorus of the song began to repeat, and Remus knew he was running out of time. This was something he’d wanted for years, and now, it was happening right in front of him. But he was frozen. For some reason, he couldn’t answer the phone.

“You can brush my hair, undress me everywheere…”

When Remus didn’t respond, Dillon sat up, and saw the phone lying limp in his boyfriend’s grasp.

“Imagination, life is you—”

Quick as a lightning bolt, Dillon grabbed the phone and hit ANSWER before it could go to voicemail. Almost as quick, he hit the speaker button.

There was a long moment of silence. Too long. Finally, Remus’s voice returned.

“Ro, is that you?” He asked, hopefully. “Are you ok, are you hurt, where—”

“Re. I— I didn’t acshully think you’d anshwer.”

Roman’s familiar voice leaked through the speakers like water through a broken dam. Despite Remus’s relief, however, he immediately recognized something was wrong. One look at Dillon’s face told Remus that he’d heard it too. The way Roman’s words slurred themselves together. Remus took a deep breath. He knew how to handle this. He just needed to stay calm.

“Of course I would.” Remus said sincerely. “Ro, why don’t you tell me where you are? Maybe I can come to you and we can have this conversation in person?”

However, Roman didn’t seem to hear Remus’s question.

“I meshed up Re, meshed up big time, I ran ‘way from evything ‘cause I shcrewed up, an’ now I’m losht an’ allone an’ I jus’ wanted to hear your voishe one lasht time…”

Remus felt his heart seize in panic at those words. He grabbed the phone out of Dillon’s hands as the man looked on worriedly. Remus clutched that phone like it was his lifeline. No, Roman’s lifeline.

“Roman, wait, what do you mean, one last time? Where are you, what’s going on?”

“Ate too many of th’ pret-ty white circles, and now I can’ shtand up right and m’ brain won’ work.”

Roman’s voice grew thick, and it began to sound like he was crying.

“M sorry Re, ‘m an awful brother. I can’ do anything righ’ an’ I was too much of a cow-ward to tell you I was here.”

Remus’s eyes widened in shock as his brain processed the information. White circles, didn’t a lot of pills take that form? Including addictive ones. And Roman was here? San Francisco?

He looked over to Dillon to find that his boyfriend had his own phone out, and was callling someone. Dillon caught his gaze, and mouthed 911. Keep him talking. Remus took a deep breath. He needed to keep it together. For Roman’s sake. 

“Roman, you’re going to be fine, just tell me where you are, and I’ll be right there. You said that you’re here? Where is here?”

“Th’ golden ci-ty, home of Saint Franny. Wan-ed to talk to you, couldn’ get up th’ nerve. ‘M in this shtupid lil hot-tel, it schucks. Bayshide Mot-tel, I think. Rom 320. Picked it cause it wash our birth-dayte.”

Remus quickly glanced over to Dillon urgently, and his boyfriend began relaying Roman’s location to the paramedics. 

“Ro, we’ll be right there, just hold on, ok? We’re on our way.” 

No response.

“Roman, Roman!”

Silence echoed from the other end of the line. 

“No, nononononono no! Roman, please!”

In a dark dingy motel room several miles away, the only sound was a brother’s anguished cries, and the only light was that of a cracked phone screen next to a limp hand.

****************************

AN: Again, I’m really sorry about this cliffhanger, and I will fix it tomorrow.

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TAGLIST:

@ironwoman359

@galacticguppy

@trashpanda-remus 

@atticusfinchthelegend

@ravenclawunicorn1

@voidvirgil

@dogwithpants

@dreaming-about-kittens

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 3: "This is a lying game. You have to be good at lying." - Michael

It’s sad bitch hours with your boy skinny penis!!!!!!!! Uhm I’m not in a good position I don’t think KSKSKSKSKSKSK Alex told me he, Caeleb, Evan, Jules, and JJ all have a 5 person alliance possibly forming,,, and if you do the math that’s 3/4 of the brigade,,,,, yk,, the one with Jules, JJ, Alex and some irrelevant bitch named ME!!!! Alex is reassuring me saying it’s all for the brigade, but I’m waiting for Jules or JJ to say something about it, or else I’m not gonna feel so good yk??? Like if it’s for the brigade then you should feel comfortable w telling me about it,, like basically all this is telling me is that I’m the most expendable member of the alliance but I die gress,,,,,, Speaking of the brigade idk how I feel about the brigade strategy ? I just feel like there are a lot of moving parts to it, and it lowkey feels like a selfish excuse to have more allies for yourself JSJDJSJSJJSSKS like,,, idk, plus I feel like there are more chances for flipping and I’m like blehhhhh. It’s dumb. Everything’s dumb. I’m dumb. I flopped in the bridge. I’m soooo dumb. Pls destroy me. I’m probs fonna throw this immunity to JJ bc WHILE I LOVE alex’s joking remark about blindsiding him at 18th, I feel like if I try and set it up for a JJ win then it’ll seem like he’s good w everyone and put a target on his back,,, idk!!! Idk. I just want some form of power. I’m hungry. Gimme gimme.

Omg me and Ali are SOOO close to the idol....!!!! unless its already been taken ugh but I was like almost there today but fell at 90 so he will prob get it which is cool better than anyone else !! altho would still be nice to have it hehe . tho knowing my idol history of wasting and being blindsided with it.. .maybe its for the best not for me to have it LOL

So its kinda awk last round I voted Noah I think most people did so now idek what to say to him ahhh . and now its a double tribal soo hopefully its just a repeat but. after this its prob a swap which is scary but I hope I atleast end up with ali or mitch or even jared, and from the other side my queen willow

omg Reuben "sandwich" Studdard, american idol season two WINNER helped me get that IDOL

We shockingly won immunity wow!! That at least saved us from going to tribal and kinda spared Noah if everyone was telling the truth to me before the results.

Then here comes double tribal and first of, it’s good we won immunity on the previous round because the double tribal is screaming a swap next and all tribes will probs be equal in og tribe member numbers. Secondly, if everyone is still in the same page then the target is still Noah.

Honestly tho, I kinda want to target Michael just cuz he threw my name out to Julia. But it’s difficult to go against the consensus even more so because of this twist.

Right now, I’m in an alliance with Jason and Julia which I’m gonna be loyal to. I’ve also got this thing going with Jared where we share information and I think he has something going with Michael? I’m also working my relationship with Ali and Benj, so I’m gonna keep them in my back pocket for now. I’m also a bit close with Mitch. That only leaves Michael and Noah as the people I haven’t really connected with. I mean did talk with Michael about academic and stuff but it’s still hard talking to him hahahaha. Talking to Noah is fine but like from what I’m getting he is the next to go, mainly because Jared and Michael were I think the ones who threw his name out among the others including to me, so it’s hard to become invested to talking to him :((

I’m trying to cover all my bases here, and not be a so oblivious on what’s happening in my tribe. Nicole G is my spirit animal!

me: I should at least try and keep this idol a secret

benj:

benj:

Me: OKAY I FOUND THE IDOL WOO

okay so.... its paranoia o'clock and julia is who the clock struck on.

"i think a couple others might put me as 1"

this is what she said when i told her i was putting her top of my list. this is freaking me out, because a) this means others think she is their top ally b) its just.... what? like... julia is obviously connected and this freaks me out.

in other news, my list for the challenge is probs gonna be this: julia > jared > ian > benj > mitch > jason > michael > noah

julia because she is my ally, jared/benj in 2nd and 4th because that is our plan, ian high because king, mitch/jason middle because kings, and then michael and noah because they are my biggest worries.

i think some shenanigans could happen with this challenge and a twist or something, i don't really know what to think. i don't think i want to win, i feel like i've already got a lot of attention from doing good in challenges, if i win this one thats going to get me even more unwanted attention.

but ya, so otherwise... benj is such a king, he is playing the kind of game (at least I think) that i always want to... just super social and nice, and like lowkey strategic. i think earlier on, i made jason my winner pick, i think he might be a lil' bit too inactive, i think i'm feeling ian or benj as a winner pick now. its defo not gonna be me, have you ever SEEN me play, i'm a whole mess.

okay so... nancy drew hat is on and i'm onto the biggest threat on our tribe. its Ian.

here is the evidence, it comes from two people who freak me out on this tribe. julia and jared.

STAGE 1: Jared sending his list (a choice...?)

This is apparently Jared's list. 1. Ian 2. Ben 3. Jason 4. Ali 5. Michael 6. Julia 7. Mitch 8. Noah

Couple of interesting things here. Jason is high, Ian is VERY high and Julia is low. Already my radar is ping-ping-pinging about Ian being high, because he has been on my radar before, he hasn't got far in games before by fluke, he is smart. Also, I've been feeling for a while (and have been talking to Benj about this), that Jared has other allies, other people he is working with (he is evidently playing multiple sides, but he is obvious so i'm not as fussed). Anyway, so Jared I've felt has been playing other angles, and now Ian is his top choice!

I think I did a smart today too. My 2nd/4th strategy. What it was, was for me/Benj/Jared to put each other 2nd and 4th on our lists, to not sabotage each others' chances of winning, but also not give away our alliance. It had two additional purposes, to allow me to put someone else 1st to build trust, and to see who they put first. Jared put Ian. which... is very interesting. very very interesting. This ties into theory #2

STAGE 2: Julia says Mitch is targeting her....

"Hello!!" - from Ian, at 00:41 "ummm mitch is throwing my name out" - from Julia, at 00:47

okay so this solidifies to me that Ian is defo playing SO smart. When I told Julia she was top of my list, she was.. notably quiet about where I am on hers. And like... i dont care jkalsfda, i don't want to win. But it means, in the very least someone else is first. So with that said, the question is a) who is top b) who told her about mitch. Now I had no idea Mitch was targetting Julia, I think its a dumb, dumb move, since his name has already been thrown out there versus Noah, so he needs to... play a whole lot smarter. But... someone obviously told Julia, and I know it wasn't me, it wasn't Benj (he likes Mitch). I am just now realising as I type this that Jared had Julia about Mitch on his list, so he couldve told her, but I am thinking it was Ian.

I was talking to Julia before her saying Mitch was targeting her. Its only when Ian came online that she knows this? I think Ian is working with everyone, playing it super super smart. I think he is playing all sides, but less blatantly than Jared.

STAGE 3: What the frick-a-frack do I do about this?

Okay so.... an important preface is that... I could be totally, totally misreading the situation. But I have felt since the start that Ian is a better player than he was letting on. But what do I do about it?  Well for starters, I need to look at numbers I know I have. Benj/Jared/Mitch I think are all in my corner, Michael/Jason I could hopefully swing, and Julia is tight with me, Noah.... Noah is tough because he trusts me but also... we like all voted him out last round so we will see what to do about that pickle. So I don't think Ian can make a move on me if he wanted to, and I can't make a move on him.

so we wait. I'm keeping Ian 3rd on my list, because I really really want to keep an eye on him, and wanna get in close. keep your friends close (benj/julia) and your enemies closer (ian). I love Ian, he is a real king, but I'm onto his winner shenanigans, and is he going to march to the end unopposed? Well...

okay hey freaks. my tribe? decided to all snort from the collective crack pile in the middle and lose their HEADS and its unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE.

first off, my cracked tin foil ian conspiracy? was CORRECT. benj also trusts ian! ian is playing EVERYONE, I'm on to him and I hope this challenge exposes him! I am ONTO YOU IAN! YOUR TRICKS HAVE BEEN OBSERVED.

in other news? budva tribe has lost their ENTIRE minds, and if we go to a double tribal with durmitor? we are going to fracture faster than you can say '18' (coincidentally also the placement i'm getting).

Here is the break down. Noah told Julia that Mitch threw her under the bus, and Noah wants to work with me & Julia. WHICH CRAP, I do not wanna work with Noah because I already voted for him. And in the grand scheme of things, having voted them out is an exceptionally poor foundation for an alliance.

If Mitch seriously threw out Julia's name to Noah, he is exceptionally foolish. WHY. he has already almost been the vote twice, he needs to just NOT AJKLDFASF. i just.... my tribe is driving me absolutely insane. Jared actually is like... back on this planet and being less scary, but Michael is off recharging in his robo-station and GONE, mitch/noah are losing their minds, Julia is leading charges and Ian is playing TOO WELL.

honeslee if its a combined tribal, budva is going to literally explode. explode.

i want to work with noah if he wants to work with me.... but i literally voted for him, how do I get back from that JKLASD. I also want to work with Mitch but he NEEDS to control his mouth, its causing problems. i just want everyone out except benj/jared/julia/jason, the other 4 can go BYEBYE.

So apparently Mitch leaked the vote to Noah and was attempting  to vote out Julia. So I talked to Ali, benj, Ian, and Noah about it and we are all voting Mitch. Depending on what happens at immunity 

(Continued) Mich and Michael were gunning for me??! RED ALERTT RED ALERT WEEEEE WOOOOOO WEEE WOOOOOOOO. Luckly I gathered the forces and we had the majority to vote Mitch. I might have managed to convince Michael to vote Mitch (maybe not? We will see tomorrow) but he doesn't trust me. Womp womp. I mean Michael was not in my immediate line of threats so I don't know why he wouldn't trust me. I guess we don't talk much but it seems like I always have to talk him, it's not reciprocal. 

Okay so it has honestly been a roller coaster.

Following Madeleine's vote I thought that I was going to be in a FABULOUS position, but that was not the case.

Most of the tribe went fucking silent on me. That round brought me to a whole new level of frustration that I can't even DESCRIBE. I was freaking out because I genuinely felt like I was just getting iced out and was going to be eliminated.

As soon as that round from Hell was over, I felt the need to act quickly and harshly to try to improve my position in the game. I took a major gamble by creating 100% false rumor (there wasn't even the slightest bit of truth to it), and took it to Julia. I told her that Mitch had been talking about targeting her to me. Now this was a huge risk because she could've sniffed me out right away, but luckily for me she's kind of nutty and bought it.

With that lie I essentially destroyed whatever alliance Julia and Mitch had. In the process I managed to A) Make Julia feel like she can really trust me to have her back, and B) Increased Mitch's already sizable target to decrease the odds of people coming after me.

I further pushed Mitch's game down the drain by stroking Jared's paranoia that Mitch is plotting against him, but in this case I was actually telling the truth because the truth could be used to my benefit.

So I really have two major goals that I would like to complete within the next 24 hours; 1) Solidify a F3 alliance with Julia & Ali. 2) Send Mitch home.

I suspect that we're going to see a tribe swap after this vote, but just in case we don't swap that soon, I'm already planting VERY subtle, small seeds in people's heads that Matthew should be the next one to go following Mitch.

Overall, the twists being thrown at us early on this season have really forced me to take a much more aggressive, offensive battle strategy. I've essentially found myself in a position where the best way for me to ensure my own survival is to jump on any opportunity to turn my tribemates against eachother.

My hope is that if there IS a tribe swap, it'll benefit me and put me in a more comfortable position where I can lower my profile a bit and stay more under the radar. Obviously it's great to make moves and have some control in the game, but I also know from experience that playing too aggressively for too long is the best way to set myself up to crash and burn.

Literally people are telling me they’re putting me first on their list ahsjdjsjs ok folks assuming y’all aren’t lying immunity could work!!

The scoop that just came in this morning is apparently Mitch is being one hot mess? Julia told us that Mitch threw her name as a target and then Jared told me Mitch leaked to Noah that he was getting wacked had we lose the puzzles challenge. Naturally this made things quite difficult because Noah was obviously the easy vote but here comes Mitch making a mess out of things.

This morning made me realize that Jared is dangerous. He is calling the shots and I won’t be surprised if he actually faked all this information about Mitch being a mess because he did wanted to go after Mitch the previous round before we all decided with Noah. My alliance with Jason and Julia better keep an eye on him. As much as dangerous Jared is, he still trusts me with information so I ain’t getting rid of him yet, contrary to what our friendly neighbourhood robot/Michael is concocting. Jason told us that Michael wants to make a move against Jared now, and uh no I don’t take orders from a robot and he would just replace Jared with himself as the so called king pin of Budva. I’m gonna relay this info of Michael targeting Jared on the wraps until the time to take out Michael presents itself because bringing my name up will get ur ass burnt!! Assuming there ain’t a swap incoming which the likelihood of a swap occurring is VERY.

Julia told me and Jason she’s already in the 60’s on the bridge and me and Jason are here in the 20’s like ok.

I’m also becoming very close with Ali and Benj. right they’re my back up if we do swap and I’m separated from Julia and Jason.

So in summary of this little rant, the targets are Mitch and Noah. Mitch is the more likely to being the one getting whacked and although I do like the guy, him being messy and with the potential of going rogue is a big liability. Although Noah can also go rouge but at least he ain’t messy!!

okay so confession time, since its looking like the vote is kind of finalising.

its looking like mitch, and he is such a king, but he also like... kind of did this to himself? i can kind of understand why he did, like he was the Plan B for both of our previous tribals (even though he was never in jeopardy), but like... particularly since i think its kind of obvious we are swapping after this double tribal, he only needed to ride out one more tribal.

but he just did so so much, like first he threw Julia under the bus to Noah and then with Michael started targeting Jared. Like that just isn't smart, like going to the person who was the other potential vote, to throw people under the bus. Noah I'm sure wants to elevate his own standing, and Mitch literally gave him the ammunition to do so?

also like Jared and Julia are maybe two of the louder personalities on our tribe? Like if he wants an easy target to divert attention off himself, Julia apparently isn't great socially, but also like.. its obvious she was going to be able to rally support for herself, as is Jared?!? Like I get Jared is a threat, he is doing a lot and very clearly at that, but a big move like this while maybe justifiable at merge, is just way too early.

so yeah, at the moment I think Mitch will go 7-2, because I could see at least one of Benj or Michael throwing him a pity vote. I really wanted to work with Mitch, but he would just do... too much, like people were mad at him for his weird feud with Madeline, and like... he just needed to take it easy.

for the swap, i'd like to swap onto a tribe with jules, because LEGEND LOVE THEM. i really hope the swap situation is not 4vs4, i want to build trust with the other tribe going into merge. I really hope Thomas doesn't make merge, he makes me SOOOOO nervous.

also idk if i ever confessed about this, but rip david robb. to reuse an emathia joke (a season he will not remember), david robb-ed.

I’m voting for Willow, and I feel awful because she’s a really sweet girl. But the brigade has to stick to its guns. Willow is the only person excluded from our brigade plan, and especially with a supposed tribe swap coming soon, we need to keep the eight of us as tight as we can be.

Sorry Willow!

so this round has been an absolute cluster fuck and im really emotionally drained because of it. mitch first of all fuck you, you stupid lying ass bitch. you wanted to throw my name under the fucking bus are you fucking kidding me you idiot??? I HAVE BETTER SOCIAL CONNECTIONS RN. I don't even want the damn thought of me leaving rn as an option like are you serious. fuck you!!!! second of all jared is now a target and i'm literally so stressed I cant think straight. but my goal to get mitch out is hopefully gonna work.

As far as the rest of the game goes, I’m kinda scared and kinda excited by the prospect of being so beloved by everyone in the game. I was talking with Alex, and apparently everyone that he’s talked to in this game has mentioned how much they love me when asked about how they feel about the tribe. While it’s a big change from being voted out 9-1 for being “Hostile and unapproachable”, it’s scary. What if that makes me a big threat? I hope not. My fate in this game most likely rests on loyalty, which isn’t a great standpoint to have in a game like survivor.

I’m mitch saying he hasn’t heard anything and Then suddenly saying he’s hearing Jared

Boi what should have been an easy vote for Noah has now become a mess of a vote and your probably gonna be the one hit in the crossfire. Assuming the people who I’ve talked to are being truthful.

Meanwhile Julia, Jason and I have more or less come to a consensus to end Mitch with Julia probably earning Michael’s supposed allegiance since I think Michael is pissed that Mitch had become messy so the robot is now prolly voting mitch and Michael is always talking with Julia?? Idk mess

On a different note, I’m really liking Ali. He’s got a great insight on the status of the game rn and he HAS A DOG!!

Wow at me doing more the 2 confessionals

Shit literally hits the fan when you’re eating breakfast yeah?

Julia crossed the idol bridge only to discover the idol has been found!! Kudos to whoever did that, I only got to 25. Right now everyone is panicking, mitch could have the idol idk Michael could have idol idk

Right now the plan needs to split the vote between Michael and Mitch. I assume none of them won immunity but the idol is still in question. The potential people to be caught in this mess of crossfire will be either mitch, Michael or Jared. It could also be me or it could also be anyone!! Who knows let’s see if I live to tell the tale!!

this vote is a mess, and... i am the cause of it KJLSADFAF.

so julia has learnt that the idol has been found, she told jared, who told... literally everyone JKNLASDFASF. but i have the idol, but people are kind of assuming either Michael or Mitch does which... works for me KLSDAF.

But of course people (especially Jared) want to split the votes. Which YIKES, the Budva tribe is dead six feet under after this for sure EEEK. Like literally... we as a tribe voted Noah OUT, and he is gonna be so comfortable after this vote he DID THAT WHAT A KING.

but yes I think Budva tribe is not going to be able to stick together long term. Like after this vote, Michael and Jared are gonna be out for blood. Noah can sense sharks in the water after last tribal. I'm also now really hoping for a swap, people want Jared out, and if we don't swap, Jared has DIRT on me and benj which could be really problematic aklsdfa.

yeah i think tonight the plan is to split the votes between michael and mitch to save jared? who people literally want OUT this is such, SUCH a mess. we are about to swap and everything is literally going to explode oh god.

in other news, i still have the idol so woo! I APOLOGISE TO MY ENTIRE TRIBE FOR WHEN YOU READ THIS, YOU WILL ALL HATE ME FOR KEEPING THIS A SECRET IM SO SO SO SORRY.

omg imagine if noah made up all that stuff mitch apparently told him and he caused all this chaos (well except for the idol, that was defo me KALSDFSA). his MIND, noah is flexing that big brain on us lesser mortals.

my game is over. jared is going and i want to vote him, but also he will just expose our alliance and idk what we do about that EEEEEEEK.

I swear this is my fucking last confessional for this round. So jared’s messy ass finally caught up to him and now me and my golden girls are flipping the script! If everything goes accordingly jared’s going?? And Noah is the only left out of the loop probs

okay i'm going to confess as much as i can, as quick as i can. the vote is now jared and benj & i have a really cracked scheme to make sure he doesn't expose us. noah is being left out of the vote. benj is voting mitch too, so it looks like jared has two votes alongside him and thus he doesn't expose me and benj?

ITS CRACKED AND A MESS. also jared going and the mess is good, it made me look like a REAL follower which is good news i think.. i was worried about looking threatening.

honeslee cut to jared winning immunity and this mess being... even messier KASLFSADF like honestly i'm just. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

also michael truly terrifies me. i'm freaking out about the vote, and he pops in being like 'hear jason out'. LIKE SIRI I KNOW YOU WANT YOUR CHUM MITCH TO STAY, but its VERY unhelpful to just pop in and make it REALLY clear i'm on the outs K;JLSDFA.

i just am so tired. Julia/Benj/Ian are the only ones I trust, Jason too kinda but he defo runs the show. Michael is just confusing and Mitch/Noah are both not gonna trust me after this vote. I'm so getting screwed over in this swap KLASDFSAF I HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

[swagirii]

NY JM Concert

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I was really tired to begin with because I do not live in NY. I live 3 hours away from NY. So I just planned a whole day to be spent at NY. This part is like annoying probably so you can skip it if you want HAHAHA but I had to work until 1 am on Friday night and slept for like 3 hrs and caught the 7 am bus to NY. I slept for another 3 hrs in the bus and got there. Ate dim sum MMMmmmm my first time :-) but how do you not get the liquid to be all over your plate. I’m such a noob. and went shopping at soho WHERE SWINGS AND GIRIBOY WERE THE NIGHT BEFORE but I was shook because a shirt was like $50. so I left and went to time square and went to line store remEMBER this is all new to me because I’m like a country girl who raises cows for a living. loljk. idk. pls ignore. anyway so... after that I was pretty exhausted and it was like 4 pm ish. Met up with another friend (so now a party of 3!!!) and decided to head over to the concert place.!!! omg so excite. I wasn’t really excited at first because I was pretty tired from the whole day but while walking to stage 48 like I was getting excited LIKE HELLO I WILL MEET JM IRL AND NOT ON COMPUTER EVEN THO IT FEELS LIKE A DREAM RN

So I got there and the line was pretty long even though it was like 6:00 well I guess I don’t know how long concert lines are because this was my first concert. ;-; and meet&greet people got to go in at 6:45 pm. So we went in. and they did this extra search of our bags and touched under my boob to see if I had a gun. (even tho nochang can just kill me with his chingchangchong) and threw my water bottle and my friend’s hard boiled eggs away (LOOOOOL). we got there and the meet&greet was some booty tbh. OK BEFORE I WAS GONNA SLEEP IN THE BUS WHILE GOING TO NY, I WAS THINKING OF EACH THINGS I WAS GOING TO SAY TO EACH MEMBER OKAY BUT THAT WAS ALL RUINED BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE “meet&greet” and just take a group picture and gtfo. ._. So it was our turn and my friend was the first in line for the group so she went in all awkward like “hi...” BECAUSE IDK C JAMM LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE C JAMM ON THE INTERNET. LIKE THEY ALL LOOK THE SAMEEEEEEEEEEEE I CAN’T. IT’S TOO REAL. and she stood next to C Jamm and he was like “wassup wassup” HE’S SO NICE AND HUMBLE like he’s the cutest potato thing. and I think I was standing next to Swings? I don’t even remember, because I was wildly searching for Giriboy like I CAME ALL THE WAY TO SEE YOU WHERE ARE U I need to hold your hand IDK ASDKFLASDJFA;SDF. and Swings was just trying to make us stand so we can all be in the pic. then I saw Giriboy behind me like on the step kind of thing AND HE DIDN’T HAVE HIS GLASSES AND WAS WEARING A BLACK BUCKET HAT and kinda looked like 

THIS WITHOUT THE GLASSES and like hello every1 he was NOT WEARING GLASSES !!!! I CAN’T so I was like omg.......... and he just kinda looked at me so I was like “I’m a big fan of yours!!!!!!!” and THEN ALL OF MY FRIENDS GOT ENCOURAGED AND WAS LIKE ME TOO me TOO and he just kinda nodded as a thank you multiple times. :( I WANTED TO HEAR HIS VOICE ok sike. im gonna chill. but still highkey regret that i was not being extra during the “meet&greet” because the staff were like don’t bring ur phones no selfies BLEHLAHELBLEHLA BLEAH ok whatever good bye and i didn’t notice any1 else during the picture bc i forgot abt them soz

and the concert didn’t even start until like 8:00 pm and i was mad bc they kept playing hiphop music other than JM like i was ready to go rain shower idk and some ppl blocking the view in front of me my friend asked if they could squeeze us in bc we couldn’t see and they completely ignored me after the first word. :-) well they moved after that so its ok but anyway... like whatever :)... the show started with osshun gum and im sorry but ive been out of this scene for so long like i forgot who he was like i know hes from high school rapper but i didnt even watch the show :-) rip but he was so cute i know hes 1 year younger than me like HES A BABY (bgm: shes a baby zico) and he was dressed “normally” too so he looked like a normal person and it was just cute ok but i didnt know his songs so i felt bad. 

the next person was han yohan OMGGGG U KNOW I ACTUALLY LOVE HAN YOHAN BECAUSE IDK LIKE IM INTO THOSE ROCK THINGS NOW and he played curt cobain BECAUSE IM CURT COBAAAAAAIN 300 km, I’m Sorry, and then later super saiyan with black nut OMSDFKLASJDFKLASDJFASKGJSD F ok. Enough said. This is better explained with the live. goodbye. I just love. and hes the only one who actually sticked w the schedule that was pre released before concert lol

and then it was the love of my life giriboy and he was supposed to perform zoa... wybh and then hogu but he started doing mix it up but whatever i was shouting like crasy so WHATEVER OK and he did all these weird cute moves... like icant believe it happened in front of me. i feel like its a dream. :( i hope he does it again in my dreams. and did hogu then ended. 

i was proud to shout all the lyrics (NOTICE ME)

then it was nochang like omg i love him because for the longest time i thought he didnt wanna be on stage because idk... gossips and his interviews... but he was the best on stage he looked like he really enjoyed and we were like TUUUURNNNNN UUUUUP ok but tbh no one knew his lyrics... bc they’re too sophisticated4us but he did emancipation, ching chang chong, and turn up and he was wearing all black again. but took his hat off a couple of times. his head is pretty. he actually stuck to the schedule too omg i feel like giriboy was not feeling well or something :( or he was more concerned about his single 

then it was black nut omg YOU GUYS KNOW HOW I HAVE A THING FOR SKINNY GUYS im just kidding but i love black nut and he killed it today with his porn hub shirt on hahahahaha first he did honmono which i dont rly kno because i been living in a cave for so long and then it was silky bois like BOIIIIII HE DID THE AUTOTUNE THING LIKE HE SANG IT but it was good and hes the only one that was all smiley throughout the concert and remember he always used to wear sunglasses but like no sunglasses today and like... he was the best eye contacter :’) omggg so cute and then he did 100 like kill all of em i was screaming

then it was bill stax OK LIKE I KNEW NONE OF HIS SONGS IM SORRY BUT I FORGOT HIS NAME CHANGED TOO RIP :’( I NEED TO BE GONE FROM THIS WORLD and then we did giddiyup? like that song with the horse with c jamm and nochang it was lit because that’s like an old song and everyone knows that EXCEPT NO ONE SCREAMED  수컷말쉿 except me like WHERE ARE YALL but anyway... then it was c jamm he did know and puzzle which was like... idk those songs... i really need to get on my game maaaaneeesss

and then swings was being v soft today and was like this is for the ladies and did 듣고있어? and some other SONG THAT I DON’T REALLY KNOW THE NAME OF BUT THOSE WERE SWEET SONGS AND IT WAS NICE BECAUSE HE WAS BEING FUNNY WITH ALL HIS GESTURES LIKE KISSING FROM HIS HAND like where all this confidence come from i need some and then he did bulldozer which was #lit i kinda wish he did 양아치 or 괜찮아 but it didnt happen its ok

then it was da whole crew with sushi rain showers and carnival OMG WHEN CARNIVAL STARTED WITH GIRIBOY i cried ok i didn’t but i almost cried because just. like. IM HEARING IT LIVEEEE HELLO i was shook. and sushi was ok except they added some extra lyrics for the live i guess and i kinda didnt hear the lyrics and rain showers was lit as alwaaaaaays

they didnt really talk like esepcailly giriboy because i know he doesnt talk in general but its like in american so i guess he was done. i hope hes happy

[ixhor]

all of them. 💝

aight watch out this is gonna be a long ass post

1. selfieu can find all my selfies here or on my tag cassius.pic

2. what would you name your future kids?hmm maybe drew or hayden. i dont plan on having kids in my life tho3. do you miss anyone?lots of people, some that i dont know where they are anymore.

4. what are you looking forward to?the fucking ECLIPSE on MONDAY OKAY IM SO FUCKING PUMPED FOR IT I EVEN GOT THE ECLIPSE GLASSES AND EVERYTHIGN

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?@tsuchida and @riseupstarkid they are both the masters of humour and making me smile especially when im having a bad day

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?nah not rly im just salty for a couple days and then im pretty much over that person

7. what was your life like last year?shitty8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?almost9. who did you last see in person?uhhh my gf evelyn10. are you good at hiding your feelings?not my annoyance or anger, but everything else i think im pretty good at hiding11. are you listening to music right now?ya i already answered it but im now listening to adhd by kendrick lamar12. what is something you want right now?a therapist13. how do you feel right now?kind of shitty kind of numb its eh14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?uh??????????? idk15. personality descriptiontalkative, stubborn, truthful/honest, salty16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?all the time17. opinion on insecurities.everyones got em, and it fucking SUCKS bc everyone i meet is so beautiful but so insecure :~(18. do you miss how things were a year ago?NOPE19. have you ever been to New York?ya!! i used to live there & ive visited family members that live there as well20. what is your favourite song at the moment?2100- run the jewels 21. age and birthday?im age 2 and i was born on 00/00/000022. description of crush.FUCK I HAVE LIKE SEVEN CRUSHES AT THE MOMENT but they all have this thing in common: theyre fucking GORGEOUS and a year or two older than me 23. fear(s)the deep ocean, clowns, and everyone that i love all hating me24. height5′3 25. role modelidk26. idol(s)idk27. things i hateWHEN PEOPLE CHEW TOO LOUD AUGHHG I FUCKING HATE IT SO MUCH28. i’ll love you if…ur kind, u listen to me and how i feel, and give me love & affection 29. favourite film(s)that one movie called Devil where theyre in the elevator its an all time favourite of mine30. favourite tv show(s)criminal minds 31. 3 random factsi love mixed martial arts, i apparently look really good in the colour mint, and i have a dog named lovebug32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?mostly cis girls and nb/genderfluid ppl 33. something you want to learnfuckin uhhh probably a language??? maybe enochian or greek34. most embarrassing momentone time in the third grade i ran into a pole and i got a nosebleed lol35. favourite subjectart36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?already answered this i just wanna travel the world one day37. favourite actor/actressidk38. favourite comedian(s)bo burnam tbh

39. favourite sport(s)MMA and soccer40. favourite memorythe first time i went to this one ice cream place called Cherry Smash cos i got straight A’s on my report card 41. relationship statustaken by two amazing ppl42. favourite book(s)the hp series and the pjo/hoo series43. favourite song everidk44. age you get mistaken for17/18 years old idk how i thought i had a young face

45. how you found out about your idoldont have one46. what my last text message says“oh my fucking god”47. turn onsuh48. turn offsuh49. where i want to be right nowi,,,,,dont know50. favourite picture of your idoldont have one51. starsignsagittarius sun52. something i’m talented athating myself53. 5 things that make me happycrystals, small and shiny items, being surprised with something that i want, snakes, when my friends are happy54. something thats worrying me at the momentliterally everything at the moment55. tumblr friendstoo many ppl to tag but yall know who u are 56. favourite food(s)empanadas lol57. favourite animal(s)wolves and ravens and snakes and tigers!!!! 58. description of my best friendshes got short hair, blue eyes, and rly fucken pale and short oh hey whats up bea59. why i joined tumblri have no idea why i joined this hellsite

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 1: "I'll either flop hard or finally fucking win so let's see how this game plays." - Ian

season starts in t minus eleven minutes and I'm SO READY TO FLOP WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

give me an idol thanks

Hi!!! Im back on tumblr survivor omg I thought I would never return cuz I am so inactive on skype but here I am with the best hosts ever seamus and drew even tho seamus bullies me... This time now that I actually have some experience I hopefully wont be first boot and can play better rather than be a sheep LOL

So far I like my tribe, Ali and mitch are prob my favs so far both kings

The only people I have ever heard of before is willow one of my bffs from FB orgs and jones bc shes jones but both on the other tribe so hope I can meet them at swap or merge!

But apart from that no clue who these ppl are, kinda nice tho and refreshing since on fb its always the same people so this should be fun

Bro we got 2 sandwich artists. And a sandwich related challenge. If we don’t win I’ll be mad

Okay so right now I don’t know anyone or anything what the fuck. This is so different from zwooper everyone is here to play. Right now I’m getting good vibes from Caleb and I think I’m gonna make him my go to. I know Noah on the other tribe but I know he doesn’t like me and I really don’t like the way he plays games. I heard Jamarcus was in this game but I guess not :(. But yeah so this is gonna be one wild ride!

submitting this before i forget/decide not to do a video on it: 

http://bit.ly/2ZoKSiK <- Jason’s First Impressions

Hie Montenegro,,, im here,,, and full of existential fear!! I wanted to do a full video cast assessment but my phone storage truly sucks on this night at 3:00 am and I have shit to do tomorrow so :) gotta write!! Myfeelings!!!! David - has said Hewwo when we were revealed and vanished. Hopefully he can deliver in a comp Bc rn he’s kinda irrelevant :( holding out hope tho Willow - queen of being busy,,, we talked in pms but for like a minute,, she knows some of my friends from an FB game I watched her play tho! So that’s SOMETHing, but not a lot. I’ve heard not the greatest things about her social game in the past tho, so I’m not shocked rn Evan - I think I’ve actuallh played w him before assuming this is the same Evan from  erinsborough? Big shrug, he was inactive that game tho and would’ve striked out if we didn’t vote him,,, hopefully things are different tho? His picture is Gavin from DP and I appreciate it greatly,, Tom - I just got off of a 5 hour call w him and he seems really chill!? Haven’t talked in pms yet or anything so hopefully we can do that soon? But he seems like a great dude!! His dog is super fucking cute too. JJ - I think of my entire tribe, he’s the epitome of extra. He has 50 fucking sugar gliders like??????? Ma’am?????????? Also he’s from tengaged and MORE IMPORTANTLY he knows keaton apparently!! So,,, probably a crackhead knowing my luck w Keaton. He’s very outgoing and friendly tho and definitely seems like someone i COULD work with,,, but I wanna see how everything plays out, Caeleb - adopted him as my grandson. Bc he called me his grandma. He seems like a sweetie pie it’s his first org ever though so go him!! Hopefully grandma can take him under her wing hehe Mo - literally one of my first close friends in the community,, an angel whom owns my heart, I feel like he’d wanna work w me but I’d never know fully until we prove our loyalties yk? So I’m also holding out hope for him,,, king. Alex - I love him!!!? So much???? He said he stans me I love him sm Bc I remember stanning  him when I first started playing Bc he’s all I’d heard about art in the community lolol but I’m v excited to actuallh play with him I fucking called him being here :) Jules - my love my light we just clicked real quick, she’s legitimately an angel whom I adore??? It’s her first survivor game I’m rooting for her. But ya I’m exhausted so that’s it for now UwU gn bois

okie I feel like I should do a cast assessment of my tribe, just as a starter. my opinions will like 1000% change so this is by no means final but woo I'll go with this! 

In general... this cast is... pretty good? Like I was very very worried since I'm so annoying that everyone that hates me would reappear for this season, but I think(?) only like... one person in the cast would dislike me/gun for me for preseason stuff. Anywho:

Benj: Okay he seems super super nice! Like he seems really friendly, we have a lot in common already and I think since we are both in weird timezones we could work really well as allies! He seems super like chill and would work with just people he seems to get along with, so I feel like... that could be a real potential alliance in the future ahhh!

Ian: Ian I haven't spoken to all that much yet (he was towards the end of the cast reveal) but he seems really really chill! He has also come 2nd twice which is something I can relate to, so maybe we will be on a similar page as players? 

Jared: Okay first fellow newbie. We haven't spoken much or had the chance to really like have a good conversation so far! I feel like since its 12-8 for newbies, maybe its a good idea for us to group up tho, idk if it can happen since at least for me, I haven't really connected to the newbies as much?

Jason: He is so so fun! Like I've really liked talking with him so far, he was on the CAH call yesterday and was getting along with Julia which is really good too, since I defo wanna work with them both!

Julia: A QUEEN. okay I was very worried seeing her on the cast reveal since both times I've played with her, I've voted her out very very early.... BUT, she seems interested in wanting to work with me and I'd love to because such a wild time, and I feel like... me and her strengths/weaknesses can kind of counterbalance in a way that'll work really well! She could always be playing me, but tbh... its what I deserve anyway, and I'd LOVE to see her do really well this season.

Madeline: I really like her! I've spoken to her probs the most of the newbies and she seems really nice and social which is super good! I feel like she'll fit in for a while and have quite smooth sailing

Michael: I'm sure he is great, but we haven't really.. been able to talk all that much? I feel like if I had to predict who would go if our tribe lost, I'd... probably say him?

Mitch: omg this cast is so big I'm not even through my tribe AHH. anyway mitch was on the first cast reveal like I was. I get ok vibes from him, he seems like... he is here to play the game hard which makes me nervy, but hopefully I can like fudge that to my advantage?

Noah: okay he is super fun, I feel like... our conversations have been very dry, but also that its 100% my fault. idk the ability to be interesting just kind of _dropped_ out of me but I'll try and redeem that today

okay the other tribe I'll just skim through and do the ones I know:

Alex C.: he seems like a king! I've been in VLs for seasons he has been in, I feel like he will not like me but I'd love to meet him!

David R.: okay he will 10000% not remember me, but he was in my first season ever! he was very inactive and his only like... confessional was about me being annoying KJSLDAD which is maybe a.. bad sign! lets see how it goes this time

Jones: She seems SO nice! I have been in VLs with her before, and she seems so so so nice! I'd love to play with her down the line, but I think she is also probs here to WIN which is scary.

Jules: A LEGEND! I love Jules, would love to work with them if possible! They're probably the person I am closest to pregame but can hopefully keep that hush hush...

Mo: a king! I hosted him for his first season, and he was SO much fun. I feel like he has gone off me, but I'm super excited to see how he does!

Tom: he is... probably the biggest problem for me in the cast? Like he was in the only season I won, and saw me play a snake game which I do not intend to play like this time? But I feel like if he still dislikes me (which he might), he could like... tell people how snakey I was! I would love to like work with him if he wants, but I feel like he wouldn't trust me at all KASDLF

Willow: A queen! I haven't spoken to her in ages but used to around her first season a lot! so so nice.

Yeah so overall thoughts on each tribe:

Durmitor: Almost everyone I knew preseason was on this tribe, which is probably to my advantage, that'll hopefully help out in like... a swap situation? Worried about Tom but am cautiously optimistic about Willow/Mo/Jules! I feel like this tribe is gonna do very very good on challlenges which... AHHHH i don't wanna go to tribal

Budva: Okay I really like my tribe! I get the best vibes from Benj, Julia & Jason who are all people I'd love to work with! I think(?) I could be okay for now, like I feel like I've already got some good ties, and that there are other people that would go... before me... maybe? Its probably only like 2 rounds on these tribes so I maybe don't even need to last that long aksfda

Ugh honestly why am I back and like... I DON’T ANYBODY HERE? Nicole G is my spirit animal.

Well except for Jason and Julia. I do know them as well as Alex and Rob. Basically I don’t know anyone post chamonix and I feel like a fish out of water. I’ll either flop hard or finally fucking win so let’s see how this game plays.

My tribe is idk, quiet? But like we called and played cards against humanity which was fun but like idk Anau and Monte Rosa were just more active and fun and all.

Julia - fellow oldie, I might work with her since she’s quite social and all. Witchcraft and all.

Jason - I wanna work with him because 1) oldie 2) fellow runner-up and 3) he knows josh. And if my TS career hasn’t proven me wrong, people who I play with who know josh are a huge BOON to my game so yeahhH

Benj - he seems nice. He lives New Zealand so we will probably be the only ones awake at our respective time zones so that can be grounds for something :D

Ali - seems nice as well. We talked about the weather and all so that was fun.

Mitch - we had a short convo so idk him very well to get a good read on him.

Jared - We only started talking now so we will see hmmm

Michael - I’m 50% sure he’s a robot. Just because he sends messages like a robot but I could be wrong. Idk it’s hard to get a read on him but we talked some and I hope he is good at challenges

Madeline - She told me she was a returnee but the wiki says she ain’t? What is the truth. Seems nice?? Idk

Noah - we haven’t talked

Tbh this is probably the most quiet starting tribe I’ve been on. Nicole G is my sprit animal btw 

(hi plss add this to the first confessionals i sent) Asya - haven’t talked to her as well. But she did briefly joined the tribe call

Here's a Video Confessional that details what’s on my mind:

America I think I fucked myself over on this one. I told JJ and Tom last night that I got 155k in sandwich stacker the last time I played it and now I think they’re expecting me to recreate that score?? And like,,, do better?????? But it turns out I’m unexpectedly very busy today and I can’t even do it when I get home Bc I’m not gonna have a laptop to play it on,, so I fucked myself over on this one chief. Not only am I most likely not doing this challenge, but I set myself up to look like a challenge threat!! When I can’t even back it up???? Love that for me :)

okay so I've now had a chance to talk to pretty much my whole tribe more which is fun. I LOVE THEM ALL AND REFUSE TO EVER. GO. TO. TRIBAL.

So my favourites atm are defo Julia, she is SUCH a legend, and her hex powers will carry us to success. I'm also really liking Benj & Jason on a personal level, they are super fun, and like chill on a game level which I really like!

Of the rest, Jared approached me to work with me which AHH exciting! But it was kind of unprompted and outta nowhere, so I'm worried he could play a bit too hard too fast, so will try and keep an eye on him. Madeline is super fun, I'm really liking talking to her, and I'm more reassured about working with my fellow newbies now, since Jared/Madeline I'm really liking! Michael is super sweet, he sent me this long nice message about how to pronounce my name which was super sweet, I haven't spoken to him too much yet! Noah I've spoken to the least, he is my biggest ??? so far, which ahh but I'll figure that one out. Mitch is quite quiet but I really like him! Ian is a king!

AHH I LOVE EVERYONE THIS IS A PROBLEM. I always do this where I make friends with everyone and then have to betray someone every round. I'm determined to pace myself this time. Julia is my Number #1 rn, she approached me first and I think we are a great balancing pair. I also really like Benj/Jason, would love to maybe be in a bigger alliance with them? Jared I'm like... apprehensive that he is gonna play really hard, but also wanna work with him. Those are probably my top four rn? I'd then put Madeline/Ian on the next level, Mitch the level below and Noah/Michael on the bottom level as my biggest unknowns!

otherwise this challenge is so demonic, and one day I will get revenge on seamus for making us endure this. I think I'm doing pretty good, and like... can't face the bread anymore, so will probs stick with my score. I really don't wanna go to tribal so hope my tribe can pull this out wooo!

Hi it’s Mo, I’m the dumb bitch who thinks he needs a Gatorade after walking up a flight of stairs. At the moment I’m feeling very distressed because I sat outside for a good hour or so and some mosquitos decided to take it upon themselves to go to town on my legs. But game-wise I’m feeling very comfortable on my tribe. I think I made some good connections on the tribe call last night and I got to know everyone really well and literally I have no complaints about anyone at the moment. They’re all super chill. My biggest fear is letting them down so I’m doing my best to get a good score on sandwich stacker.

Wow It's great to be back and not know like a single soul! I will kms because of that! Also wow my boss sprung a double on me today so I didnt get to talk to anyone! In the first 24 hours! I love this for me! Im on call right now so hopefully I can do SOMETHING and get good with people!!

So I have yet to do a formal confessional but let me just tell you my tribe is so cracked and I love it. I'm gonna give y'all my thoughts on the players of my tribe because why not. Ok so first off we have Julia. Julia is so cracked but I LOVE HER. She is the good luck charm of the tribe because she is involved in witchcraft and honestly I find that hilarious. Then we got Ali. He seems super sweet but I have yet to get to know him well. I think he has been in the tumblr community for a while but I'm not sure because im not in that community (whoops). Jason and I have meshed pretty well together over the love for the cowboy emoji, Madeleine seems like an easy number for me, and same for Jared. I think if we ever go to tribal I might try to connect us three with Benji who I also think I can trust really well. Then we have Ian and Noah. Honestly my conversations with them have been pretty awkward??? Idk if that is just because they are busy but like I don't rly mesh well with either of them. Then there is Michael who literally talks like his username: A Big Blue Robot

someone literally said they were worried that me being so into astrology would influence how i viewed other people and i told them that it wouldn't but the tea is it will, try to stop me

Heya its me. Rookie here on survivor Montenegro. Never played before. Kinda nervous. I'm trying to keep it light and airy with my chats with all the tribe members, because I don't want them thinking I'm trying to create drama too early. They seeeeem to like me and I think I really like them too. Evan kinda has latched on to me, and I like having an easy go to for talking shoppe, but he's super paranoid and thinks he has no shot at this. Even said that everyone else is fully bonding without him. And thats fine of course, I can handle supporting him especially if it seems like a surprise friendship, but his scaredyness might be rubbing off because its making me a little afraid that people are talking shoppe much more than they're letting on with me. Alsooo, low key a tiny bit annoyed with how much we love to call. Like y'all are nice but it seems to be the same person (eyooop) every time and the same person talking in the tribe chat. hehe peace out

hi okie i would've filmed a video confessional, but i look DISGUSTING so you will have to settle with type type typing!

so lots is happening REAL fast and my head hurts so i need to talk it out. We won reward which WOO, and the reuben sandwich also gave me 3 free checks for bridge steps for the idol so GOOD NEWS. I also used it to build trust with Benj & Julia, and told Jared who kind of put me on the spot and asked me about it (more on Jared later).

So I now have my chart to map idol progress titled 'Bridge to Terebeth-idol' and I'm using all the info I get to slowly get an idea of idol progress, the idol is MINE and I'm determined to play it WRONG. otherwise, I'd love to see Benj or Julia get it, love 'em both.

Anywhomst back to Jared. he is VERY forward with game stuff and is like... going 0 to 100 waay too quick, and its making me and Benj nervous. We are both going to keep an eye, I could see Jared burning out quite quick akdlfas. For the rest of the tribe, I really really like Jason he is such a king, Madeline is super nice but I think quite quiet so could potentially go if we lose. Michael is great at challenges, but his social game is a bit ahh (he like.. told Julia she would be a target for making a mistake in the challenge akjsdfaslfladfjla). Noah I really like, but we are kinda out of sync with timezones which is no good. Mitch filled in for me in teh challenge so I owe him bigtime.

ANYWAYS. this is already waay too long, the summary is WOO JULIA AND BENJ, woo (at a slightly lower volume) for Jason and Jared. Love the hosts, loving this game so far, only thing I'm not loving is sandwiches (unless they are reuben sandwiches asjdklfa).

Okay so little recap of the first night on Montenegro Durmitor Beach.... I really felt worried! Like from the first impressions and the intro's I thought okay i have nothing in common with any of these people, this is going to be so hard to get in a safe spot and go far in this game!

After jumping on call with the likes of Jules, Jones, JJ and Mo I felt a little bit safe as they were laughing at some of my jokes and i felt like i could contribute to the conversation which is nice. I really tried my best in this sandwich stacker challenge to show the tribe that i can perform in flash games and help win immunities for future rounds so it gave them a reason to keep me and potentially the stronger players on the tribe would want to add me to an alliance...well i mean that didnt happen but hey who knows its only day 2

So i recognised that JJ was from Tengaged and i had played with him a little bit whilst on that site so i tried to connect with him and make conversation with him and that dramatic little boy decided to drop his vocabulary and use his silly little boy one word responses which wasnt very uhm reassuring. HOWEVER I feel like over the past 2 days JJ and I have formed some sort of bond and i believe its mutual that we want to work together and help each other out in this game. MY ONLY CONCERN about working with JJ is that I dont want to be seen as in a duo with him so him and me need to stop bullying each other on calls and staying on tribe calls when no one else is on them. He helped me out in the idol hunt as well so he is already giving me some information showing he is down to work with me

Okay so overall i feel like my tribe is full of very big personalities and thats concerning a fight will be had for majority i reckon.

Jules: She is so nice, and we connect pretty good, i know she is one bad ass game player though and definitely a threat down the line so keeping her on my side is beneficial for now and hopefully if she does become seen as a target i can use that to my advantage and she can be a meat shield.

Mo: Mo is cool and chill to talk to, we dont really speak that much on pms however i want that to change i get a very loyal vibe from him so yeah something i am willing to explore

Willow & Evan: They both have similar standings with me in this tribe, i feel like they both want to work with me, Evan has said he does and that he gets a good vibe and wants to work with me which is good and i feel like willow is also leaning towards that as well. The only issue with working with these two is they arent very big personalities so i will be targeted before them however i feel like they could be very loyal. Its going to be hard to integrate them into a large alliance unless one of them start because others will be closer to people that isnt them.

Alex: So Alex is a weird one for me, he seems super emotional and honestly someone i just cant really relate to or connect with. I may be wrong but thats my first impression of him, he seems to be all up in Jules/Jones grill which is something i will have to keep an eye out for.

Jones: Jones is a big big big big threat i think everyone on this tribe can already tell this woman will be hard to get out, socially she is impressive and she said she is pretty good at challenges as well so........i'm just going to try and act really dumb around her and make her believe that im willing to work with her till the end as a loyal sheep. However for now i would like to work with her (even though probably everyone does)

David: Well i mean he is like not active very much, he came on call and i have a fear of drag people and he is a drag people so i hope he doesnt rock up to tribal in drag because it is a serious phobia..... wouldnt mind if he went first just because we dont really talk!

JJ: already spoke about him

Caeleb: Everyone is very nice in this cast but i feel like caeleb is a little bit uhh reserved, i feel like hes a little shy at the moment but i think he can be a gem to work and play with. Idk what type of player any of these people are so just gotta test the waters.

All i know is that this tribe is ready to play....and play hard so survivors ready: game on bitches! #STAYLOWANDGOGOGO

Oh wow this twisty twist twist, hate it!! So anyway now that we have to go to tribal Idk who the heckie to choose to vote! The only people I feel like I have absolutely no connection with so far are Evan and Caeleb, everyone else ive at least talked to a bit?? Jules is cool (also havent talked to her that much) Mo and Jones are the people ive talked to the most so far and I really wanna work with them I think, we will see DREW YOU HAVE MESSED ME UP

This twist is very fiendish and I love and hate it!! More stress ensuing the more fun for drew hmmm

Anyway, right now I want Madeline gone. I feel she’s not putting her all into this game and in the challenges. Plus she told me she was a returnee but the wiki says otherwise grrrr

For now I think I’m gonna work with Julia and Jason. Might also wanna work with Benji and Ali. Ali is very intuitive because he noticed that it’s important to keep any voting plans under wraps because if word got out of the plan and we’re not actually going to trial, oh hell will be loose!!

So far Julia and Jared are eyeing Madeline as a target and I am here for it! She may have sealed her fate by like going to sleep at this hour but let’s see! She might be faking it lol

Okay fuck you guys for this twist my anxiety is running RAMPANT I know everyone is gonna wanna Vote me for being the youngest I hope you all die and literally choke on your own liver. Anyways my day has been GREAT, thanks for asking!! I feel confident with my comp performance, so hopefully they choose to keep me in?? If not it was nice knowing you guys except Johnny

Oh this- this is terrible. I did so bad on my sandwich tray thing even though at the time I was like IM FUCKIN SPEEDY GONZALEZ WERE GONNA WIN and I scored like 48 but then I find out that everyone else scored somewhere in the 90’s and now it’s just kinda... fuck.

Blind Tribals? What kind of tomfoolery is this. Im surprised my tribe came up with a consensus of voting off someone this early even though we still have a full 24 hours. I was fully prepared to take charge but I guess I don't have to anymore.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cax7k6-mA-A

^ Video confessional not letting me post tho

So everything has been like a legit clusterfuck and I see this tribes dynamic starting to play out. I think socially I have done my job and excelled. I would say I feel as if I have established a good personal relationship with most of my tribe members except two of them- Madeleine and Michael. Both of them talk very little and it's honestly very frustrating for myself. Not to mention Michael last night sketched me out very bad after we had finished playing the role call part of the immunity. So I had found an error that I had made, and it scared me and I thought I could talk to him about it. I was like, well I hope this doesn't put a target on my back. He responds with this: we can make sure you won't be. will just take some work. Hold the damn phone. It will take some work? Why would it take work period? It just freaked me out so I went to Jason and I told him about it. Jason made me feel more comfortable and I decided to tell him that I trusted him and I was on board with him. So after immunity is done, and the whole blind round twist is revealed I decided to go and talk to basically everyone on the tribe. But Jared stuck out the most to me. He is playing the most aggressive game at this point which I respect. Also, forgot to mention, I trust Ali the most. 100% Ali will be my ride or die person this game. So nothing will come in between the bond we share. Jared decided to throw out Madeleines name out. And I am totally okay with this. He also subtly hinted that Michael would be a good option. But lets be real, I am not a fool and I will not make a big move this first round. This is a tribe of 10 people, not 6 like I'm used too in my prior TS I have played. It is more difficult to rally all the numbers. So this would be the exact reasoning behind my social game I am playing at the moment. I have Jared than tell me he wants to work with Ali, Benj, Himself, and I. This, I can enjoy. I don't have to struggle to protect from this alliance I knew Jared was bound to create, and I didn't have to suggest to include Ali, possibly exposing my relationship with Ali to Jared. On the other hand, I have Ian and Jason who I feel like I can trust in this game. I proposed to Ian I would not vote him out this round, and he said he would do the same for me. I tell Ian that I trusted Jared and we could possibly work with him, and that Madeleines name is being thrown out as the vote. Ian was vague with answering me about working with Jared which sussed me out. But Ian later tells me he wants to work with Jason, Himself and I. So this puts me in TWO potential alliances already in this game. Literally fuck this twist. I am glad my social skills have finally paid off and I am seriously learning from prior mistakes I have made in my orgs from being too abrasive, being too loud, being rude. I had such little self awareness of the way I communicated with people. I would talk and be this extremely social girl but I always left a bitter taste in people's mouth because of how I said things and I had no clue. So I am playing this better game and it is totally opening up new opportunities and all these people I can work with but on the other hand, puts me at a serious disadvantage. If this tribe will be an ultimate flop tribe which I am seriously hoping is NOT the case, I am going to disappoint someone. And that is how you become a target and lose all the hard work you have built up. So even though socially I am totally preforming beautifully compared to my prior three tries at TS, and strategically I wouldn't say anything about that I mean.... it's the first few days of this game. I would say competition wise, or the more physical part of the game I need to get it together. I'm hoping I can motivate this tribe into playing extremely hard for the immunity wins because who freaking knows what could happen? In the best case scenario, I would love for immunity to be brought to my tribe. This would mean that for the next round the target would probably remain the same, and I don't have to get so worked up about who is the new target of the tribe.

https://youtu.be/qsjQtYfiCec <- Video Confessional; Not letting me post

Editors note - I think I’m 80% sure my name’s not going around Bc I think everyone’s under the impression I got us the win for the flag making? Big shrug

Damn this twist has really screwed things. At this point in the game I have some strong (I think) alliances. I'm worried that I have put a target on my back for playing too hard though, and it might be all for not if we find out we won immunity.

https://youtu.be/RR4BRMFKjDU <- Another video confessional that won’t embed lol

What the fuck is this twist like okay sure, tumblr survivor is generally fucking stressful like a pig getting choked im always trying to gasp for air.....this season i am the pig on the spit roast just deceased. I'm a nocturnal pig throughout this game i guess because tribal planning starts like 6 hours ish before tribal and the last 2 hours is the most important and that would be from 4-10am so no sleep for the weak i came to win

https://youtu.be/sarbjplslHk <- Another video confessional that won’t embed

SO I think at the moment my closest allies are Tom & JJ which is a relief because I was intimidated by the two of them at first. The plan for now is to vote for David due to him being the most antisocial out of the bunch. He’s talked to me quite a bit actually but apparently he hasn’t talked to some of the others that much.

The first few days of this game has been really fun. I'm enjoying to get to know everybody, and just dicking off on tribe calls all the time. So far I've really enjoyed looking at Tom & Alex, they're definitely the tribal eye candy.

It seems as though I've gotten myself into a really cute alliance consisting of Alex, Jones, and Jules. A group I've definitely enjoyed talking to the most. I think it'll really work in my favor.

Tom is really fun to talk to, he's giving me truthful information on what planks have been good and bad in the idol search. Which is nice, but it might be a cultural thing, but I can't tell if he likes me or not!?? There's too much sarcasm in his voice.

Mo & Caeleb are really nice, they've both talked to me on a pretty shallow level so far, but I'm enjoying them a lot.

Evan, David, and Willow have been fairly MIA. Evan is on a vacation, so I'm impressed by how much he truly has been able to contribute to the tribe.

As far as the vote goes, I'm debating between Willow, and David. Alex, who I'd really like to work with, really is pushing for David to go home, but David is better at comps, and a less dangerous social player, he hasn't talked to anyone. Whereas Willow is being a social butterfly in everyone's PMs. Seeing that she made runner up in one of her seasons is also a little bit scary.

This twist is scary, but considering my last ORG, its exciting. I felt like my downfall was not being able to forge game relationships with people because I was the last person to attend tribal. Winning every tribal immunity all the way up to the final 13 / 21. Once the merge hit, every time I tried to talk strategy, the person I was talking with would run, and tattle to the person I was trying to target instead of listening to what I was saying, because they had forged game relationships at prior tribal. Being forced to go to tribal regardless of the outcome of immunity should help me solidify game relationships much easier.

I have one question for the twist. WTF DREW???

Right as we found out that both tribes had to go to tribal, Evan was immediately concerned that his name was being thrown out. The boy needs to calm, but I think our connection is really strong and honestly he's fun to talk to. Today though, most people I have been talking to have said David which is perfectly fine, he barely had talked to me at all so I am happy to be a tribe player and vote him tonight if nothing changes. I think people are starting to make connections all around. I really like Willow and have like an on and off thing with Mo and Jules. Tom is the first person to let me in on the vote, and JJ said he'd work with me and not vote me tonight, BUT Tom and JJ and Jones are always in the calls and that's making me nervous they'll have a longterm close bond that could be disastrous if it turns into a Monica, Jervase, Tyson type thing. Also I don't fully trust JJ he's good at talking to everyone. I have my eyes and ears open and I'm just trying to get as much information as I can at this point in the game.

okay I have thoughts and they are 100% NEGATIVE.

so dua lipa cave can CHOKE, i hate this twist so muchhhhh, its gonna give me an aneurysm. I just feel bad, I don't like voting people out and this makes the process so weird and awkward.

Okay like tonight, Madeline is... seemingly going home? And I'm so so sad, she is super sweet, but I think everyone was reluctant to throw out names except Jared who was super, super gung ho about Madeline leaving? Jared is stressing me out akjsldfaf, he is so forward and aggressive as a player, and I can kind of see him burning out and dragging me down with him asdfklaf.

Otherwise, I'm really liking working with Julia, she is super fun and a really savvy player, I hope our alliance can do super good long term! Otherwise, Benj is SUCH A KING, he is so friendly and fun, and we are like really on the same page for game stuff? Those are the only two who its not negotiable, on my watch they are going NOWHERE.

for the rest? I really like Jason, he is just super mellow, like I think if I had to make a winner pick for the season, I'd probably say him? I vibe with him on a personal level woo, could be an ally down the line. Michael I tbh expected to maybe be first boot, but he seems to have unexpected connections! I really like him tho, he is super sweet, its no biggie that he is staying? Mitch/Ian kind of fall into the same category, I really like them but I've not spoken to them... all that much, but I really like them!! Noah I really haven't spoken to too much, and if we do go to tribal tonight, I'd probs want him to go next (Mitch also threw his name out for this round, so it seems I'm not alone on that?).

I feel REALLY REALLY bad about Madeline JKLSADFLSAJFA, like already our tribe is being meninist we do not stan, but also she is so nice. I feel bad and kind of blame Jared for her going grrrr.

Okay I'm gonna wrap this up, hope we don't go to tribal tonight, Madeline stays and we WIN till merge WOO WOO WOOOOOO!

omg also julia is already at #46 for the idol her MIND! i hope she gets it, that'd be iconic. I feel like she must be working with someone to get that far already, maybe Jason? like the host, i need to (nancy) drew and investigate

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRd_z6-ycno <- another non embeded video confessional uwu

Lol idk where this girl came from but Madeline’s a mess.

She vanished after the twist reveal because her “WiFi getting shit down” then suddenly she’s strong arming me to vote Mitch

Sweaty, compared to you I’ve actually interacted with Mitch over the course of this 4 days unlike you.

She claims she’s got Julia, Jason and Noah but I know where they’re really at. If we are going to tribal Madeline’s gone!!

okay tribal is (maybe?) in 6 minutes and I have THOUGHTS:

1. Madeline is make me so nervous, she like says things in the tribe chat and its like AHH idk how to respond, I'm being so obviously shady and its INCREDIBLY clear I voted for her, but idk what to do or say asdkjflsafafjdaf

2. Benj is a king, we are like... on the same page a lot, and someone I wanna go super far with!

3. Madeline gunning for Mitch is weird because... she is targetting him for past placements, when... Ian literally made FTC twice akjsdfslafsa like wut? Also I am screaming at her like saying Mitch isn't denying that she is going home in the tribechat, when she is voting him? I'MMMMMM

4. If I go home, it's been super super fun, and first boot is a cute placement! Benj  & Jason have both been first boot before, and I love 'em both, so am joining a great club!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgF_VAczF2g <- Another non embeded video confessional

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 11: “Recalibrate How I’m Playing This Game” - Caeleb

okay I'm writing a long confessional then going to bed.

Jules was robbed. I was really gonna idol them when Jones/Caeleb told me Jules was getting votes, but Jules was only getting 5, and I naively thought both that Jason wasn't going to flip and Tom wouldn't self vote AGAIN ASKDLJFAF.

I'm frustrated because I love Jules. Jules was robbed and deserved better than having to deal with Alex who like will tell Jules they made a mistake and ugh. I'm frustrated that I didn't idol Jules, even though it wouldn't have been smart and would've put me in a tough game spot, its just all super tricky sigh.

in other news, Jones/Mo/Mitch need to go. I'm super proud of Mo for doing something (like genuinely) and not playing passively, I defo underestimated him, but him and Jones have way too much sway on this tribe, tied to Mitch who is clearly able to work people.

I think a good end-group for me would be Me/Benj/Tom/Julia. I really really like Caeleb but he actually is playing super smart, so I really don't think I can have him sticking around much longer.

I think a good new bootlist is: Jones > Mitch > Mo > Jason > Caeleb

I'm just frustrated because Jules was robbed and really did not deserve that, Mo/Jones are too powerful, and now so is Mitch. I'm gonna idol one of them out, and I'm going to love doing it.

Holy fuck what the fuck that worked. Ok so here’s what just went down, Jules said to Jason that she’d be fine voting out either me or Mitch. People were leaning towards Mitch. We had like 20 minutes left and we started discussing and I threw out to Jones, what if we get Jules out, but she kinda ignored it and carried on with the Mitch plan. Because Jules has a lot of connections I can understand why Jones would be hesitant. So then I throw the pitch rob Caeleb and Mitch throws the pitch to Jason and they’re both on board. But that would of only been five people. Meaning it most likely would of tied so we were like ok I guess we’ll just vote Mitch. BUT THEN BENJ GETS ONLINE and he’s like “Yeah I’ll vote Jules.” SO I SCRAMBLE BACK TO CAELEB LIKE WAIT VOTE JULES WE HAVE THE NUMBERS. SAME WITH JONES AND JASON. WE GET JULES OUT. Which of course is sad because she’s literally a sweetheart and she’s super funny, but she had so many people in her corner and her and Ali combined was a scary combo. BUT I MEAN I HAVE A COOL GAME MOVE IN MY POCKET NOW THAT I DID (with Mitch) BUT WOW ME.

Whew chile!!! I must admit that vote was VERY scary and VERY hectic. I thought for a moment my game was ending. Thankfully my social relationships with people allowed me to stay and send the person who was targeting me home (Jules). Now this is GREAT for me because i trusted Jules the least on the merge tribe. The communication thing never worked out between the two of us but i still find her to be a very nice person :). In regards to the vote, Mo/Caeleb, Benj, Jason, and Jones all voted to save me. To me, I feel like this means im in a really good position because everyone likes me enough to SAVE me. Up until 5 minutes before the deadline, I thought i was done for. I gotta be careful with who I work with in the future because my threat level is rising. People in touchy subjects saw me as the one who thinks they are running the game but are not, but man is this far from the truth. I'd like to say that although I didn't know what was going on COMPLETELY, I still pretty much helped/forced the target onto the person who went home. Ian- Told Alex about how I suspected Jason and Ian of being a duo (correct assumption according to ali) and everyone ended up splitting between the two (I did not care who went). Alex- I pushed very hard for alex to go because he was so dang controlling and i found that very threatening. Jules- targeted me first but I never trusted her because of how little we spoke. When she decided to target me it was the icing on the cake. Hopefully these next few rounds are smooth sailing because we NEED easy votes for at least a little bit.

okay so i am trying SO hard for immunity, like its not even funny. i think i have 100+ points right now, with more videos uploading and with more planned photos tomorrow. immunity would be SO sweet, because that'd guarantee me a spot in the F8, and with my idol F7.

in other news. if i haven't said it enough, it must be said again. BENJ IS SUCH A KING. like today he told me he wants to go to F4 with Julia and Tom. I truly, truly could have shed and wept real tears. That is exactly the F4 I want, like EXACTLY ,and Benj agrees, and we are going to make it HAPPEN.

He also wants to separate Mo/Jones this round... and like honestly, I'm so down. Like I think he wants to vote off Mo versus Jones which I think is a bad idea, since Jones is a better talker and more of a threat, but his argument about Jones being a shield makes some sense.

my ideal bootlist moving forwards for the season, although it requires like julia/tom to stick with me and benj pretty tightly, is:

Mo/Jones > Mitch > Jason > Mo/Jones > Caeleb > F4: Me/Tom/Benj/Julia

and also since i love doing this for no reason, this would be my ranking of those left if i was to go to jury this round:

Mitch > Jason > Jones > Benj > Caeleb > Julia > Mo > Tom

Mitch is SO savvy, and so likable, and I could see as a definite winner, having survived so much. I can't decide if Jones is a threat because she is just so likable, or if she is actually palying super well, but I have both her and Jason very high in my opinion. Benj is so smart, I feel like he probably isn't considered as such by the other threats, but I hear him talk game - he is super woke. Caeleb is actually playing a very smart game too, flipping back and forth. I definitely underestimated him in early merge, his MIND. Julia I think is super game-savvy, just her style gets in her own way sometimes. Mo I feel like definitely did stuff last vote, but I see him as Jones' shadow/goat right now so would need to see much more. Tom I'm stuck because him self-voting twice I think almost definitely excludes him from winning so its hard to tell how I'd feel about him in an FTC. the main thing is that... we shall see.

BUT I AM WINNING IMMUNITYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Sending this now bc I forgot. Jason beat me in reward OOPS but I can still possibly win immunity,,,,,? Maybe?

Eek me at jules being voted out, honestly i didnt really know what was going to happen at that tribal for the sole fact that everything started moving whilst i was asleep but im kinda shocked that it ended up being jules.... Like i personally wouldnt have made that move right now maybe in like 2 more rounds. Its quite scary the fact that mitch got so many people to turn on jules when i thought she was quite the loved player. So I've gotta keep an eye out for him he's probably playing the best game atm but i think ill try to take him out sooner rather than later

I think I might have to recalibrate how I’m playing this game. I honestly didn't think I was all that close to Jules so her cursing me kinda surprised me. SO, that means I think a lot of people are gonna be cursing me in the upcoming rounds. Not that I am planning a lot of blindsides, I just feel a lot closer to the people actually left. Julia might be the only one that wouldn't curse me at this point, but also she might because she doesn't like me all that much. And being cursed a bunch might put a really large target on my back too.

y'all i just found another idol im SCREECHING. and its a boujee one too, a sapphire idol. I'm so AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, i know where 2/3 idols are for sure, I'm truly screaming.

This was me an Mitch on call when we realized we had the numbers to vote out Jules

heres the thing, i prefer the selfie scavenger hunt when im on a team because that way im motivated to get stuff done out of fear of letting everyone down. where as by myself, i let myself down all the time. ali is scary good at comps and im lazy.

ALI FOUND THE MERGE IDOL AND ITS A SAPPHIRE IDOL AHHH!!!

IM SO HAPPY FOR HIM/US BUT ALSO LOWKEY PISSED BECAUSE I GET ALL THE BRIDGE STEPS AND THEN HE GETS LUCKY AT THE VERY END LMAO. AGAIN.

BUT OH WELL ATLEAST ITS NOT SOMEONE ELSE!!

And if I had any doubts (I never had) about him betraying me before I have 0 now.. u like have to really trust someone to tell them u have 2 idols LOL I could literally expose so much right now

BUT IM NOT GONNA WOO!!! BEST DUO IVE EVER HAD! Like I know it will be hard to beat him at the end but idc I want that duo story for us

Literally an idol magnet king I knew I chose the best ally on day 1

sapphire idols sound kinda annoying tho cuz u cant choose who its played on . like what if ur plan actually works and u idol the person u wanted gone LOL

lowkey would rather a normal idol ?? anyways ali went off in immunity and its final 9 idk who will go but I kinda want like mo gone (king) but we have no strategic bond so.. plus he will slip by to the end otherwise

I doubt that plan is gonna work tho cuz idk how to lead votes!! im flop sheep!

Update on idol hunt - I'm killing johnny

Update apparently I’m running a vote KSKSKKFMFMFFK take back EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT NOT NEEDING POWER LMAOOOO

ok so Storytime

I’m talking to Tom at like 5:00-6:00 ish, and he says he hasn’t heard anything but he’d be down to vote Julia if other people were voting Julia (at this point this is the only name and it was said by Tom and that’s it)

At this point I tell Mo what Tom said (Bc tom and I were talking about Mo) and he said he wasn’t surprised Julia’s name was brought up

Talk to Mitch at like 7:00 ish and he’s apparenrly being targeted by Ali and for whatever reason I have this hero complex and I wanna save him all of a sudden?? I also feel like he’ll be a big shield down the road that everyone else would want out over me so it makes much more sense to keep him? SO I tell him about Julia.

I Run to Mo, tell him about Julia plan he’s on board. MOs talking to Caeleb, and Jason wouldn’t go behind Mitch’s back. So that’s already 5 people I think voting Julia, 6 if we include Tom and 7 if Benj also knows. Which I’ll probs tell him.

So ya??? Turned an idea into a plan!! I’m doing that y’all. Idk?? I’m proud. I don’t need need this much power after this round or else my ego will be the size of my dick but!!! Idk guys I’m proud of myself.

(Literally only 35 minutes later)

Literally having a stroke tonight laid ease

Uhm apparently Tom/Jason/Ali had an alliance and were trying to get me out and tried throwing me under the bus to Julia and tried saying shit I didn’t say,, so ya,,, :)

Tom tried twisting it like I was the one who threw Julia’s name out bc apparently she’s inactive? Which is cute,, I said jack shit about that. So ya.

Um I’m voting Tom tonight now. I’m an indecisive bitch tho so it might change but. Fuck Tom. We gotta break up this alliance apparently. Julia’s the only person that’s said shit to me this whole day about what’s happening so I’m more likely to believe her than anyone else sooo ya. Fuck Tom. Fuck these men.