#I want this to be a happy place and not a venty and ranty place

[wow-it-null]

I’m tired but- Update I guess.

I feel like rambling a bit so.

Heh I really love RotTMNT. Lately- it’s been my main highlight to everything.

My depression is still shit, my anxiety, my mental state. It’s all a mess. This is an update on my life I guess.

All I’ve been doing everyday is laying in bed. Doing nothing. I rarely bathe, move, anything. I just lay in bed, upset, rotting away. I’m still on medication for my depression and anxiety, but I haven’t felt much of a boost.

My dad came home recently, it was a big click for me, it made me really happy. Finally able to hang out with him, like we used to before he had to go away. Now that dad’s home, I feel happier, yet still bland and numb from this depression.

Even with my highlights of life, I still can’t take much from my old happiness and things I loved, such as drawing, writing, stories, my ocs. Ect.

Basically, what I’m saying, is that I’m sorry I seem to only care about one thing.

I cling to whatever happiness I can find, and lately with my unmotivated and depressed nature, I haven’t been able to obsess over my creations and work much with them confidently. It’s made me... sad honestly. I feel sick with everything- so I run back to it. Back to the turtles as a topic, all I draw, ever.

I feel alone and lonely. I barely talk to my friends- we kinda just.. skim talk. It makes me feel worse but I don’t know how to communicate either way. It’s my fault. The only person I’ve been messaging the best with is my girlfriend, everyday, calling each other and messaging one another.

She understands this is how I’m coping. She doesn’t push me off my boundaries with my ocs and how they’ve recently made me fill ill, and helps me embrace my fan works that I’ve been using to cope. It.. really helps.

Yet I still feel sad. The highlights are so strong, but the rest is numb.

I’m struggling a lot right now, but... I’m strong. I can do it. I’ll keep clinging to my joys, my Pokémon fancomic, the turtles, those little things. That’s all I have right now that’s reliable.

Thanks for reading this. It’s a bit ranty and venty, but I wanted to place it here anyway.