#I won't sleep tho*cries in i have alot of work to do* | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hell-is-a-teenage-girll · 10 months

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Rant about my health and life coming it's alot so only do it if you're interested and also very important TW mention of end of life.

I am going to the hospital again tomorrow.

I had a break down last night. Saying I can't do it anymore.

If it wasn't for my cats, I would end it all.

Being in pain 24/7 drives you crazy.

I've been in survival mode so much that even certain organs don't function the way they should.

For people who maybe don't know. Our instincts come from back in the days where we had to maybe flee from a big animal for example. And when you have to survive, you can't get tired, because you need to run. You can't get hungry, cause you need to run. You can't feel happy or anything, because you can only think of survival.

I started to notice my morphine didn't do anything, neither did anything I took after. One day I took morphine, muscle relaxer, sleeping pills, and I felt NOTHING. No pain relief, not feeling high.

I also had my chronic migraines again, my period again. (I take meds for the chronic migraine and have to take the pill for my endometriosis)

Turns out I have gastric paralysis from the situation I'm in. So my meds didn't go in my blood etc, just straight through the body. Which is why nothing worked. I now need medication to to make my stomach work to.. Take my medication..

I have a depression again. I am $uicidal.

I won't hurt myself don't worry, I wouldn't leave my cats. My partner, best friends, my mom are also all suffering from my condition. As in it pains them to see this all and they care.

A condition doesn't only affect the person who feels it. But also the environment.

I went in this procedure with pain on 26th of September, and because it went wrong, I also came out of it with pain.

In total now when it comes to my face, I've been in pain and surviving for 6months now.

I am done. I need either a period that they say okay we'll give it 2 more months and then we really need to take steps, or give me pain relief NOW.

But just hearing '' it can take up to months until the nerves fix themselves, it could be okay '' doesn't cut it. Because sure they can heal in their own time, but I cannot be in pain for all those months? This isn't humane.

And then the doctor of the hospital called this morning after my mom reached out to them saying it can't continue like this. And we said specifically let the doctor call my mom. But then my phone rings, they called me. And I hear

'' - what do you want me to do..''

'' - I think it's important just to get you calm right now. ''

But I can come by tomorrow. With my mom because the issue is I am scared to stand up for myself and will say to quickly '' it's okay''. And it's not. Which is why we wanted them to talk to my mother.

After that call, I called my mom crying that they are pushing these meds on me that have a shit ton of side effects, I already take 7 pills a day (now even 10). And they wanna add more.

I don't wanna become a '' junkie'' depending on the morphine. Because i' m scared I often just sit through the agonizing pain. But if I don't get decent pain relief, I will have to dependant on it. Because if I have to do this for more months.. I am scared I will do something stupid eventually that will be unreturnable.

My best friend told me yesterday '' you have no quality of life. ''

And it's true. And he hates it, and I hate it aswell.

My mom then called to my doctors office (GP) the secretary picked up. She told me afterwards that she was crying to her that it's an emergency to please let her talk to my doctor. And they did. My mom also cried during that conversation. And my doctor agreed, it's going to far, someone needs to help. So he moved heaven and earth to say it like that and got me an appointment with another neurologist in another hospital, the 15th of January. It normally takes months. But he made it happen. And I swear.. This man.. Saved my life more times then he knows.

I am very nervous for tomorrow tho and if they will do something or just tell me again '' sorry it happened I wish I could do something but most likely after months it will heal. '' I feel rage, cause it's easy to say that when you aren't feeling it.

Today I also broke down at my chiropractor.

She said I looked pale. I said I had been crying for 2 days now. And when I told her that I felt suicidal, she said '' no no no, if you ever feel like you're gonna do something, you call me okay?? " and I cried and she hugged me. And then sat with me to talk. And she wants to take me out on walks in her private time.

I also have my psychologist tomorrow, she is also fighting to help me. Last time she literally took me in on the weekend in her private time.

I am glad for my support. But I just can't anymore.. The pain is driving me crazy. Which is also scientifically proven. Your brain changes.

So again, the fact that my content has changed so much is because of that.

Because I am not me.. Not anymore.

But hopefully I will find a way. Even just a little.

If you read all this, wow. You're a star. And thank you ❤️

And eventho I prefer not to let people see me this way. It's the truth, it's how bad it is, it's not pretty, I don't sleep, barely eat, don't feel feelings of fun, my skin is bad,.. But it's me. And because I love you guys, most of you are so lovely so it's only fair to share.

Love you.

#My illness #Chronic pain #Trigeminal neuralgia #Operation gone wrong #Facial pain #nerve pain #Chronic illness #My text

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creambunnie · 3 years

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Hello Baby ❤💜💚💛💙💓

ONEWE fluff - Yonghoon, Kanghyun (Hyungu), Harin, Dongmyeong, CyA (Giuk)

"hello Hyungu, are you free right now? it's urgent!"

"eh Yonghoon hyung? yeah i'm free, what's wrong?"

"UWAAAAAAA"

.....

"hyung was that a cat??"

"what? noooo, it's a baby!"

"oh i thought so, it was weird if you had a ca-- WHAT? A BABY?"

Hyungu stared at Yonghoon who was wearing a baby carrier as he entered Yonghoon's apartment. Yonghoon had his index finger on his lips, asking Hyungu to keep quiet as to not wake up the baby in his arms.

"why do you have a baby?? oh my god, did you pick it up from somewhere?" Hyungu whispered as he panicked.

Yonghoon sighed and knocked Hyungu's head softly.

"don't be ridiculous, Kang Hyungu. this is my cousin's son. her mother in-law just passed on so she asked me to look after her son for a while as she helps her husband settle the funeral and all."

Hyungu took a seat on the sofa, still processing the whole situation.

"so why the heck did you agree if you have never in your whole life babysit a... a baby?"

Yonghoon gulped and scratched his neck awkwardly.

"i misread her text. i thought her son was 10 years old, but it's actually 10 months... i couldn't reject her when she already brought her baby and all his things here."

Hyungu massaged his temples.

"how long?"

"a week."

"A WEEK?"

"shush Hyungu you are going to wake Minsoo up!" Yonghoon scolded Hyungu in whisper.

Yonghoon decided to contact Hyungu first because he lived the nearest. the baby was sleeping when he was brought here but the moment his mother left him into Yonghoon's care, he woke up and started crying.

Yonghoon panicked and called Hyungu right away, and while waiting for Hyungu to come, he tried to soothe Minsoo down with a lullaby.

Hyungu finally calmed down and approached Minsoo who was still in the carrier. he stared at the doll-like sleeping baby and let out a chuckle.

"naww Minsoo is so cute"

"i know, it's cause i'm his uncle"

Hyungu rolled his eyes and fished out his phone.

"i'm telling the others. you and me taking care of a baby is not enough, we need the whole squad."

Yonghoon hesitated for a bit because he didn't want to bother the others, but Hyungu was right. the two of them were not enough.

Hyungu and Yonghoon were busy lying Minsoo down carefully on the sofa that they didn't notice the beeping sound from the front door.

"baby Minsoo~ your Giuk hyung is here!!"

the two older boys' eyes widened at the sudden loud voice. a high pitch crying started filling their ears.

"i am so sorry, i didn't know Minsoo was sleeping!" Giuk apologised as Yonghoon was frantically making milk in the kitchen while Hyungu was trying to calm Minsoo down in the living room.

"can you help me check if the milk is okay instead? i mean your age is the nearest to the baby, so"

Giuk was confused at his hyung's nonsense but he was guilty so he poured some milk on his hand to taste it.

"uhm i think it's fine? it's a bit hot tho??"

"oh my god, why is it so chaotic in here?? no one even noticed we entered, Harin hyung."

Harin scanned the scenes happening and quietly but efficiently tried to handle the situations.

"Dongmyeong, go help Hyungu calm the baby. i will check on Yonghoon hyung"

Dongmyeong gently took the baby from Hyungu. he craddled Minsoo in his arms and swayed back and forth until he calmed down.

"well aren't you a cutie?" Dongmyeong cooed and poked the baby's nose softly. Minsoo stared at Dongmyeong confusedly and giggled.

"low low!!" Minsoo babbled and reached his hands out to Dongmyeong's neck. Hyungu noticed Dongmyeong's necklace and chuckled.

"he is so smart! he said yellow~" Hyungu was amazed at the 10-month old kid.

Yonghoon, Harin and Giuk finally went to living room with a warm bottle of milk.

"here, feed Minsoo the milk first" Harin passed the bottle to Dongmyeong.

Yonghoon, Hyungu and Giuk sighed in relief and plopped on the sofa side by side.

"how are you and Dongmyeong good at this, Harin??"

Harin chuckled and carressed Minsoo's head gently.

"we are not good at it, hyung. it's just that you guys were panicking so more panic won't do good. i just had to be the calm one just now. also, we had more time to prepare mentally, so no worries hyung, you will do just fine!" Harin humbly comforted.

Yonghoon thanked Harin and took Minsoo from Dongmyeong.

"Yonghoon hyung, what's this?" Giuk asked as he found a small booklet in Minsoo's bag.

"oh my cousin said that's a list of food that Minsoo can and cannot eat."

"great!! pass me that Giuk. i was just about to ask about this. Dongmyeong and I bought some ingredients for dinner, Hyungu, you wanna help us cook?" Hyungu gave Harin a thumbs up and followed the two into the kitchen.

Yonghoon and Giuk contiued playing with Minsoo in the living room.

"baby~~ Giuk hyung bought a looot of plushies for you! which one do you like ?" Giuk neatly placed the plushies in line in front of Minsoo and waited for him to choose.

Minsoo looked up at Giuk with his big round eyes as if he understood what Giuk said clearly.

"wook! wook!" Minsoo exclaimed and reached for the hamster plushie.

Yonghoon poked Minsoo's chubby cheek in admiration.

"you two are really friends, huh," Yonghoon chuckled as Giuk continued making short 'conversations' with Minsoo.

Minsoo warmed up to the boys quite easily and giggled alot while playing. Yonghoon was relieved he had awesome brothers who could help him out.

"let's eat~~" Dongmyeong called as he set the dining table. as Minsoo was in Giuk's good hands, Yonghoon helped Dongmyeong while Harin and Hyungu brought out the dishes for dinner.

"i even made Minsoo some baby chicken porridge~" Harin excitedly said as he showed Minsoo his own bowl of food.

"nyam nyam!!" Minsoo was already salivating at the delicious smell.

"hyung,, your cousin didn't bring Minsoo's high chair, right?" Hyungu asked after scanning the whole apartment.

"mm, it's fine, Minsoo will just sit on my lap and one of you can feed him."

the 5 boys took turns eating and feeding Minsoo.

"zoooom! good boy, Minsoo~" Giuk praised the baby as he happily took a big bite of the porridge.

Dongmyeong also took a big bite of the dakgalbi that they cooked and hummed in delight.

"it's been so long since we've had a family dinner like this~"

Giuk looked at Dongmyeong weirdly. "but we just did last week.."

Dongmyeong shushed Giuk and shook his head.

"last week was sooo long ago!! we need to eat dinner together more frequently."

Yonghoon only chuckled at the younger boy's wish.

"sure, we can have family dinner everyday for this whole week~"

Dongmyeong and Giuk were on their semester break, while Yonghoon and Hyungu worked from home. Harin was the only one who had to go to the office.

"so Harin, can you teach us some things like how to make the perfect temperature milk, and how to cook the food for Minsoo?" Hyungu requested as he wiped Minsoo's messy lips.

Harin of course agreed, he wanted Minsoo to experience the best care from his brothers.

after the yummy dinner, Yonghoon and Giuk did the dishes while the other 3 boys played with Minsoo.

"what colour is this, Minsoo?" Hyungu showed the baby a penguin plushie.

"woooo~~" Hyungu hugged Minsoo softly, refraining himself from squishing the baby for being too cute. "you are correct! that is blue!"

Dongmyeong hummed as he thought of something.

"Yonghoon hyung, Giuk, come here quickly after you finished. we gotta introduce ourselves properly to Minsoo!".

the boys sat in a line as Yonghoon carried Minsoo. he made eye contact with Minsoo and started introducing himself.

"Minsoo, i am Uncle Yonghoon!" "hoon~~"

"i am Uncle Hyungu!" "gugu~"

"i am Uncle Harin!" "rinnie~"

"i am Uncle Dongmyeong!" "meong~~"

"i am Giuk hyung!" "wook wook!!"

for every response, Minsoo either got a peck on his cheek or a carress on his small round head.

"now that's done, let's lay out the futons in the living room. we are having a sleepover~" Yonghoon happily announced.

since Minsoo started yawning, the boys decided to quickly turn the lights off and go to sleep with the baby. it was quite a tiring day afterall.

the night was calm, Minsoo didn't make a single fuss while sleeping. he must have felt really comfortable with the boys, or he was just too tired after a lot of playing earlier.

"wow... i thought they were the same age." Harin whispered. the other 3 boys giggled at his words as they looked at Giuk and Minsoo all cuddled up. it was a cute scene to wake up to.

Harin woke up early to prepare food for Minsoo's meals and at the same time he taught Dongmyeong and Hyungu too. the other boys only need to heat them up when it's time to eat.

Giuk and Dongmyeong played and took care of Minsoo most of the time as the two older boys were working. Giuk even took a bath with Minsoo and made bubbles for him.

Minsoo was really a good baby. after warming up to the boys, he rarely cried. only when he was hungry, he would whine a little but goes back to being the giggly baby when he was fed.

Giuk and Dongmyeong were resting while Minsoo was playing with some plushies by himself. Dongmyeong almost dozed off when Giuk nudged him softly. "hey, Minsoo is saying something."

Minsoo was cutely sitting in front of the entrance with his hamster plushie. he looked up and stared at the doorknob as he mumbled.

"rinnie... rinnie... unc rinnie."

Dongmyeong and Giuk chuckled at the cuteness. it was 5pm, about an hour left before Harin comes back.

Yonghoon suddenly went out of his room and scooped Minsoo up.

"i finished my work for today. should i bring Minsoo out for a walk and welcome Harin?"

Hyungu closed his laptop and volunteered to follow Yonghoon.

"Dongmyeong and Giuk should rest."

"mm Hyungu hyung. Dongmyeong and I will prepare the ingredients for dinner after we rest for abit."

the two older boys nodded and prepared to go out with Minsoo.

they walked and reached a playground near the apartment. since Minsoo was too small to go down the slide by himself, Hyungu carried him and played together. everytime Hyungu and Minsoo reached the bottom, Yonghoon would make funny noises, making the baby giggle loudly.

after playing on the slide for a few times, Hyungu and Yonghoon sat on the empty swings side by side. Minsoo was securely seated on Hyungu's lap as he swung back and forth slowly.

"foooshh~" Minsoo cutely babbled as he felt the wind hit his face.

Yonghoon and Hyungu looked at each other and chuckled at the adorable baby.

"oh Minsoo, look who's here !" Yonghoon prompted as he pointed to the busstop. Hyungu stood up to let Minsoo see.

"rinnie!!!! unc rinnie!!" Minsoo exclaimed excitedly.

Harin heard the baby's voice from afar and jogged to the three boys.

"aww did Minsoo wait for Uncle Harin?"

Minsoo looked at Harin with sparkles in his eyes and grinned. Harin chuckled and took Minsoo from Hyungu.

"you are so cute!! look at you drooling from being too excited~" Harin cooed and wiped Minsoo's chin with Yonghoon's help.

"let's go home and prepare for dinner!"

"mm mm Hoon nyam nyam!" Minsoo mumbled and pointed to the apartment.

"yes Uncle Yonghoon's nephew is so smart, like uncle like nephew~~" Yonghoon praised.

Harin and Hyungu just went on with him, as long as their oldest brother was happy.

during dinner, Dongmyeong excitedly suggested the idea he and Giuk thought of together earlier.

"how about we go on a picnic at the park this weekend ? Minsoo is going to love spending time with all 5 of us outside!"

the baby happily clapped his hands when he heard his name being said.

"meong meong!!"

"hehe yess Uncle Dongmyeong loves you too~" Dongmyeong scrunched his nose as he poked Minsoo's round cheek.

"that's a good idea! the weather these days seem nice too" Yonghoon acknowledged.

"then it is set! we can go buy some ingredients for the picnic too when we go grocery shopping tomorrow." Hyungu suggested.

as planned, Hyungu and Dongmyeong went to the supermarket the next day and brought Minsoo with them. they made sure Minsoo was full first before going out. Hyungu tightened the baby carrier and pecked Minsoo's head.

"let's go~"

Dongmyeong was relieved the supermarket was not that crowded. he quickly took the things they wrote on the shopping list to not waste any time.

"gugu! gugu!" Minsoo called as he tried to reach for something behind Hyungu.

"hmm?" Hyungu turned around and saw a brightly packed biscuits. the bright orange colour must have attracted Minsoo.

"i don't think you can eat those yet, baby.."

"gugu?" Minsoo pouted.

Hyungu sighed and poked Minsoo's small nose.

"alright, we'll buy it for the packaging"

"gugu!!!" Minsoo happily exclaimed when he saw Hyungu putting the packet into the cart.

after buying the groceries and things for the weekend picnic, Hyungu and Dongmyeong decided to walk around the shopping mall for a bit.

"oh my god hyung!! that is super cute~ can we buy it for Minsoo? pleaaase!" Dongmyeong pleaded as he pulled Hyungu into a baby store.

the outfit Dongmyeong saw was a cute brown overalls. it was too cute to be ignored.

"yayy! we can dress him up in the new outfit this weekend!"

Minsoo was a simple baby, when people around him were happy, he's also happy. Minsoo bounced excitedly to Dongmyeong's voice in the baby carrier.

"okay baby,, uncles are also excited to hang out with you~"

the long awaited weekend was finally here. the 5 boys were busy with their own tasks. Yonghoon was fixing the baby car seat, Harin and Hyungu were packing the food they made for the picnic, while Dongmyeong and Giuk were dressing Minsoo up.

Dongmyeong can't help but squish Minsoo's cheeks because he was extra cute after Giuk tied his thin hair into two small ponytails.

"omo, who is this handsome baby? of course no other than handsome Uncle Yonghoon's nephew~" Yonghoon sang as soon as he entered the house.

"but we are all handsome uncles and hyung, right Minsoo?" Dongmyeong held Minsoo's small hand and shook it gently.

Minsoo grinned. "meooong~".

after Hyungu and Harin were finished packing, the 6 boys finally started on their journey to the flower park.

"Minsoo~ look here!" Dongmyeong called out as Harin quickly snapped a few pictures of the cute baby.

"hey, let's take a family selfie!" Yonghoon suggested as he held Minsoo close to his chest. the other 4 boys gathered closer to Yonghoon as Harin took their picture.

the boys managed to find a spot under a big tree so they were shaded from the hot sun. they ate the food and snacks that Harin and Hyungu made deliciously. even Minsoo asked for seconds.

they then played around with Minsoo, Yonghoon sang some nursery rhymes for his cute nephew as the other boys did some simple moves that Minsoo could follow. they made sure Minsoo was having a fun time with them.

"oh Minsoo, it's your mom!" Yonghoon quickly answered the videocall from his cousin. his cousin would call everyday to check on Minsoo and the boys.

"hi noona!"

"hi Yonghoon! i heard you guys are on a picnic now? is Minsoo doing okay? did he make a fuss ?"

"Minsoo is fine, he is a good boy! here look at him!"

Yonghoon turned the phone so the camera was facing Minsoo.

"Minsoo~ it's mommy!"

"mama!!"

"aww look at your outfit today ! it's so cute, your uncles really have a good taste in clothings. Minsoo, mommy miss you so much. i will fetch you tomorrow, okay?"

Yonghoon turned back the phone and continued talking with his cousin.

"and boys, Minsoo looks so happy today! he must really love you boys so much! i know i say this everyday but thank you so much for taking good care of my son! you boys continue having fun together okay,, see you tomorrow!".

after bidding goodbye, the 5 boys continued playing with Minsoo. they stayed at the park for a few more hours. Minsoo even took a nap on Yonghoon's lap while his uncles enjoyed the fresh breeze.

it had been a while since they were able to relax with nature. not that they were too busy to do that, it just didn't cross their mind to spend time like this together. they were grateful to Minsoo because he gave them the opportunity to experience such a fun time.

the next morning was awkwardly gloomy. Minsoo's things were already organised at one side of the house. the 5 boys were playing with Minsoo in the living room as if playing together yesterday at the park wasn't enough.

"i'm so attached to Minsoo already. i don't think i can sleep without him tonight." Giuk sadly said as he carressed Minsoo's arm who was holding onto the hamster plushie that he gave on the first day that they met.

"i had fun making his baby food. it's amazing how this little thing could eat other than milk. thanks for enjoying my cooking, Minsoo! Uncle Rinnie will cook again for you when you are bigger!".

Yonghoon sighed and pouted. "you guys staying over for a whole week was so much fun. i'm gonna feel so lonely when you guys go back home."

"aww hyung,, you know we will always visit you. me especially! i will crash into your apartment often!" Dongmyeong comforted.

"yeah hyung, Minsoo or no Minsoo, we are always a call away!" Hyungu supported.

the gloomy atmosphere turned gloomier when the front door bell was rung. it was time to send Minsoo off back to his parents.

Yonghoon greeted his cousin and invited her in as the other boys took turns giving Minsoo a goodbye hug.

"take good care of mr hamster okie? wook hyung loves Minsoo so much!"

"Uncle Gugu also loves Minsoo! stay healthy, baby."

"my cute cute Minsoo, Uncle Meong loves you so much."

"you have to eat well and grow up healthily, okay? Uncle Rinnie also loves Minsoo!"

Yonghoon was the last one to hug. he was sad but he knew he had a higher chance of meeting Minsoo more in the future as they were close relatives.

"the next time we meet, you must be healthy, alright Minsoo? Uncle Hoon loves Minsoo soooo much!".

Yonghoon's cousin took Minsoo from his arms and bowed to the 5 boys.

"thank you so much for taking a really good care of Minsoo. i'm sure he had a good time with you boys. tell me when you all are available, i would like to treat you all to a meal. a meal is not even enough, honestly. maybe two or three meals would be great too!"

after Minsoo's father took all of his things, it was really time to part ways now. Minsoo was not smiling nor crying. he just stared at his five uncles blankly as he waved goodbye with his tiny hand. it was hard to close the front door but they eventually had to leave.

the once lively living room was now so quiet. it was amazing how 1 baby could make the mood so happy. now that he went back home, the 5 boys felt empty.

Harin sighed as he sat up. "guys, i miss Minsoo already.."

it had only been about 2 hours since Minsoo left.

"me too.." Hyungu mumbled.

"Yonghoon hyung, can we videocall Minsoo? pleaaase!" Dongmyeong requested.

of course Yonghoon would agree. he wanted to see his cute nephew's face. Yonghoon texted his cousin in advance before giving her a call.

"hi Minsoo!" the 5 boys greeted in sync as soon as Minsoo's face popped up on the phone screen.

Minsoo whose expression was blank like earlier turned into a happy smile. his eyes sparkled when he saw the 5 boys that he was already missing too.

"UNCS!!" ('uncles' but baby talk)

no matter how many kilometres apart they were from each other, the 6 boys' hearts were still as closely packed together as ever.

a/n : i've always wanted to see ONEWE taking care of a kid, so i wrote a whole imagine for it 😂 hope yall enjoyed it!

#onewe #onewe imagines #onewe fluff #onewe yonghoon #onewe kanghyun #onewe harin #onewe dongmyeong #onewe cya #onewe baby

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