#I’m doing the most with her because I’m letting that weird inner child thrive

[ninawolv3rina]

Made the fatal mistake of cracking open my late-80s X-Men collection and now i have all these spiders sketches

Spidersona: Cass Carver, the Uncanny X-Spider (she/her)

[amwritingmeta]

15x14: Striking A Balance

This is late. I fell behind. Life happens. I still haven’t watched 15x15. Gah! But now to some thoughts on 15x14...

I thought this was a great episode the first time I watched it. Then I thought it was a bloody fantastic episode the second time I watched it, and the third time… well, it just gets better and better. I’m thoroughly looking forward to the final six. I hope you are too. 

I hope you’re as well as you can be and that you’re not living in a stress bubble. They’re the worst. I’d hand you a big old needle if I could. Maybe this meta can be some sort of needle (for popping), because at least I don’t feel the ending of this show is anything we need to stress about. I do believe it’s going to be utterly spectacular. *all the faith*

So I spent a chunk of lockdown watching this show of ours. I started at 12x19 (that episode still makes me tremble with its sheer brilliance) through to 15x13, and felt an overwhelming satisfaction at the evenness of the storytelling for these last three-ish seasons. 

A brief breakdown of three years of meta writing would be: Dean has been pushed to face, recognise and dismantle his internalised toxic masculinity traits aka his Shadow (which has been the root of unhealthy coping mechanisms and an inability to put down boundaries, communicate openly and handle his emotions), he’s been pushed to see the strength and power of his feminine traits (his nurturing side, his compassion, his protective nature) through being put in situations where he’s had no choice but to open up to being honest with himself, in turn bringing him on a course to him handling his emotions better, as well as the narrative giving us moments where he’s gotten the chance to acknowledge and embrace his neglected inner child. 

Yes, Jungian doctrine runs like a river through it, what can I say? I’m a fan.

With Dean as our protagonist, Sam and Cas are both on mirroring journeys, though Sam is Dean’s mirror opposite and Cas is Dean’s mirror likeness. It doesn’t take away from the individual journeys of Sam and Cas: it’s just that their choices and their progression are not determining the course of the narrative. Rather, their choices and progression work to underline and highlight Dean’s growth. Sam and Cas are main characters, but they’re not driving the core of the plot. 

Make sense? Cool!

Especially as this also means that Dean’s progression is pivotal for all three of them to actually reach… well, since it’s a word used twice this season why shouldn’t we just go with it? — completion. 

Which is why my eyes are happily peeled for Dean having moments that display a deepened sense of self-understanding (like his prayer to Cas, where Dean put words on the anger he’s always feeling and how he doesn’t know why or where it’s coming from) (an enormous step toward actually dealing with that emotion) (as self-deception through denial caused by fear of weakness tied to fear of rejection and fear of failure — that’s a mouthful — has always formed Dean’s biggest internal obstacle) because neither Sam nor Cas should, when we look at the narrative as a whole, be able or allowed to reach full completion (or individuation, to use Jungian terms) without Dean getting there first, or at least being shown to be well on his way to getting there.

This episode then is more of an epicsode, because, man, do we get to explore balanced!Dean, and it’s all through Jack: the narrative representation of Dean’s inner child.

Oh, yeah. Way I see it, Jeremy Adams brought us right back to the threads he was pulling on in Scoobynatural. *bless his brain* Only this time he’s pushed it a step further and rather than Dean simply facing his inner child—as (14x16 whoops I mean) 13x16 opened up that can of worms—now, in 15x14, Dean is forced to properly acknowledge and embrace that inner child. I mean. The mind crackles. The feels are cascading like a waterfall over a great cliff. The excitement, people, is real.

Let’s dig in!

Sam and Dean

They were glorious this episode!!

So Sam ended up tortured a little, but that was because he was shooting first, asking questions second, and sure, Mrs. Butters had gone a bit crazy, but as he learned: it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t her nature, the crazy had been torture-nurtured into her.

And Dean was faced with yet one more reminder of how kindness, compassion and protectiveness can go haywire when there’s influence from toxic masculinity (aka Cuthbert Sinclair) pushing someone into a position of mistrust, insecurity and need for control. 

Let me reiterate the fact that when I’m talking masculine/feminine I’m not tying these concepts to gender, though of course these concepts have been tied to gender traits to the point of brainwashing people into thinking they should dictate what is male and what is female. (mental) Rather I mean all of our internal masculine/feminine traits that need to find balance if we are each to feel happy and content as human beings. 

It’s Tao, and it’s Jung, and it’s beautiful. Is all I’m saying. 

Digression.

My point is that in spite of sorting stuff out in their individual arcs, the brotherly relationship was depicted awesomely this episode, with Dean being 1000% supportive of Sam going to get itches scratched with Eileen, to the point of feeling he would rather just handle the sudden turn of events and this new threat by himself, than disrupt Sam and Eileen’s fun times (and by “fun times” I mean sex), and Sam going along for the joyride of holiday celebrations, home cooked meals and the supportive, warm and caring mother figure that they’re both, again, missing in their lives.

Sam was submissive this episode, following Dean’s opinions on how to best handle Jack (even with Dean being disastrous in the past when stating what Jack needs) which is somewhat frustrating, because Sam has so much more in him, but he also got to show that humongous heart of his, where he understood the root cause of Mrs. Butters’ behaviour and showed compassion, rather than judgement. His compassion has always been one of his most formidable strengths. 

And, of course, Sam had to ride sidesaddle this episode because if he was putting up any sort of protest—regarding accepting Mrs. Butters as part of the bunker or how best to deal with Jack— Dean wouldn’t have gone through the push for progression, delivered through the representation of his inner femininity that is Mrs. Butters, but primarily through the representation of (and here we go into the deeper digging) his inner child—Jack.

Dean and Jack

You know, end of the episode Dean states what is evident throughout: he’s trying. 

In the opening scene he asks Sam if Jack’s come out of his room, and then he’s the one who goes and knocks on Jack’s door to warn him about Mrs. Butters, placing trust in Jack that he can handle it and will call them if anything gets weird, and he cajoles Jack to come out with the promise of snickerdoodles. All of this subtly shows us that Dean knows what Jack is suffering, and we can be sure of that because we know he’s been there enough times.

The guilt, the self-blame, as well as the self-doubt underpinning it all, making it difficult to forgive. 

Because, thing is, Jack is struggling to forgive himself. To accept that it was an accident. He’s waiting for Dean’s forgiveness to give him a marker for whether it’s okay for him to even begin to forgive himself, which is understandable on all the levels of his character progression, but especially when looking at him as a representative of Dean’s inner child.

So then, why is Dean acknowledging, embracing and nurturing his inner child important?

Because, when looking at the narrative from the angle where it’s filled with symbolisism to do with Dean’s internal journey (and by extension the internal journeys of all the characters), then Dean’s progression, and especially lack there of, has been closely tied to the fact that he never got to be a kid. 

He had to grow up fast, got responsibility put on him that was way out of proportion for a four year old child, had to be a father and a mother to his younger brother, and learned to repress and suppress his childish urges, wants and needs through unhealthy coping mechanisms in order to dress himself in the image of the strongerst person that he’s ever known: his father.

(which is a misnomer because there was plenty of weakness to John Winchester) (especially how he was a highly emotional man who spent the years after his wife’s death driven by grief, but hammered it into his eldest son that emotions are weaknesses that will get you killed and you should control them to the point of barely being able to recognise them anymore) 

It’s imperitive for Dean to deal with the neglect he suffered in his childhood, rather than ignore it, if he’s ever going to be able to let those wounds heal over. And letting them heal over is important because pushing down trauma leaves it room to influence our choices and to keep us in old patterns of behaviour. Because self-denial and self-neglect is where our Shadow lives and thrives—our unconscious gaining power over us and dictating our behaviour even as we’re unaware of it.

Remember how Jack swallowed Michael? Remember how Michael was Dean’s Shadow representative? It’s not by accident that what Dean has left to confront, fully, is self-trust, self-forgiveness and finding his way to real self-love, symbolically given to us in this narrative through his treatment of Jack.

Because Jack is the final piece of Dean’s internal puzzle: his inner child in need of some real TLC.

So then, what does Dean need in order to be able to show Jack aka himself some real TLC?

Mrs. Butters

Ah, yes, of course what Dean needs most is to engage with his internal femininity. 

Mrs. Butters represents Dean’s suppressed and repressed longing for more in life, for a home, for love, and the only reason there’s been a need to suppress and repress this longing is to due with what he was taught as a child and throughout his formative years, actively by his father, and unconsciously by the way he was never taught or shown how to deal in any type of healthy way with the loss of his mother. 

Mrs. Butters as our representative of positive femininity then shows us as the audience how Dean, in his heart of heart, wants to believe that he can have good things in his life. That he deserves them. 

Mrs. Butters shows us that what Dean needs is to allow himself to feel joy, without expecting it to flip at a moment’s notice into feeling loss. 

And yes, I realise where the episode ends, but perhaps the feeling of joy wouldn’t flip if the lesson was learned in full and Dean knew how to trust and simply let go of the undercurrent of fear that the flip is lurking somewhere just around the next bend. 

What this episode shows us is that he’s just not quite there yet, but omg the threshholding is intense.

Because Mrs. Butters underlines that what Dean needs, more than anything, is to practice trust. Dean needs to practice opening up. Dean needs to practice letting go of his need for control. 

He can still be in charge of a situation, without thinking it’s all on him always.

Now, the episode highlights this in a rather glorious way, by trapping him in a room, under threat, knowing Sam is about to walk into the situation, and deciding not only is he not going to call Sam for help, he’s not even going to text him a heads up.

Look. This might be a plothole here. Jeremy Adams might have been so focused on the joke of Dean not wanting to interrupt Sam’s sexy times that he didn’t realise the implactions of Dean not even sending a text to warn Sam that he was essentially heading home to a dangerous situation, yeah? 

But the rather lax attitude of the brothers this episode: letting Mrs. Butters stay, and both of them neglecting the need for them to look into her backstory further, because they both got so distracted by holiday celebrations and her amazing cooking, combined with the hopscotch way they approach getting rid of her, all this is intentional enough for me to lean into the reading of Dean’s need to practice trust being explored in awesome ways.

Because Dean needs someone to take the load off, and Mrs. Butters does this in spades. 

What with how she brokers zero arguments, immediately getting him to clean up his language, and I mean, Dean then defying this is a moment of awesomeness and of course we all want him to continue being midly CW foulmouthed, but for all intents and purposes, he succumbs to her chastising quickly, and she gets him to open up to the joy of the moment via holiday celebrations, and, to top it all off, she gets him to eat healthier.

The fact that she’s introduced folding his underwear, and then goes on to tell him that she wouldn’t have had to if he’d just done it right to begin with, is fairly epic. (verrryy epic) As is her giving Dean the nightshirt from Scoobynatural. Obviously! He’s wrapped in hugs! Purple hugs! And having Dean dressed in purple and eating vegetables in the same episode is enough to make one’s head explode.

*head* *ex* *ploded*

Balance. Is why my head is exploding. The purple and the vegetables are indications of growing internal balance. *yes please and thank you!*

I loved them celebrating Sam’s birthday and Dean having specific requests for his, Mrs. Butters dismissing him with how she thought he’s too old to want to celebrate. It was such a moment of reminding Dean that he’s not supposed to regress, he’s not to forget that he is, in fact, an adult, and nurturing his inner child is about letting go of the need for the childhood he never had—which is keeping him from properly having the adult life he deep down yearns for. 

(and then this reminder was followed by a moment of kindness) (as there already were rice crispie treats waiting for him) (and his eager little face!) *heart eyes*

There was so much to love about Mrs. Butters, though!

Like the big bowl of crispy bacon on the breakfast table and her encouraging Sam to enjoy the world he’s fighting for, the waxing of Baby (!!), the introduction of the monster radar, finally getting the telescope—pardon me, the interdimensional geoscope—given some attention, Dean blowing a door down by using the grenade launcher (symbolically tied to self-liberation), the fixing of the TV in the Deancave (with thanks to Jeremy! he who breaketh he too shalt fixeth), the fact that Mrs. Butters is a straight-up anti-Nazi killing machine and that her violence stems directly from her need to protect her home and the people she cares about.

Yeah, there’s so much good in her that her not ending up shot, even though she tortured Sam, is not very surprising and I really enjoyed the fact that her story ended on a compassionate note of understanding, and that, if she hadn’t longed to go back to the woods, the boys would have wanted her to stick around. 

Forgiveness—looking for it, or needing it— is a clear thread through this episode.

As For the Deeper Symbolism

Dean starts out cooking, wearing his new favourite garment—an apron. Now, I could tie that to Dean embracing his inner femininity and the rest of the episode working to underline this fact to us, but that’s just my reading of it, so who knows what the deal with the apron actually is. I do love it though, and it’s put in dialogue twice so we were definitely meant to make note of it.

The cooking ties him directly to Mrs. Butters, of course (or her to him, if you will) and creates a bookend for the episode, where Dean starts and ends the episode wearing the apron: first presenting Sam with a burger (meat man!) and then presenting Jack with a birthday cake. 

This bookend is also tied very strongly to Jack. 

Dean asks about him in the opening scene and we learn Jack is holed up in his room, the episode going from having Jack hiding himself away, ashamed and self-hating in his room, to him sitting opposite Sam, expressing concern that they’re putting all their bets on him and he’s not sure he’ll be able to kill God, Sam offering assurance and Dean, through his cake-baking and happy birthday wishes, offering forgiveness and support.

It’s awesome! Beyond awesome! It’s bloody brilliant, is what it is!

Especially when looking at the implications it holds for Dean’s inner work: his inner child starts out locked away, fearful and despairing, being brought out of that room through the kind and supportive side to his internal femininity representative, only for that representative to turn around and step into the shoes of the toxic masculinity traits that have always been the source of Dean’s self-hatred, distrust and lack of faith in himself, and once being granted honesty from the ego (Dean’s consciousness admitting that he’s trying, he’s angry, maybe always will be, but he’s trying) his inner child ends up with the ego showing that inner child how much it matters, that it’s trusted, cared for and loved. 

*brains on ceiling*

Now, as mentioned briefly, the narrative gives us Dean’s inner femininity (Mrs. Butters) influenced by what is a clear toxic masculinity/Shadow character (Sinclair) and shows us why Dean is still wary of his inner child, still not entirely trusting, and it makes all the sense, especially now that the inner child has swallowed up the Shadow and incorporated it into himself. 

Mrs. Butters’ mistrust of Jack becomes emblematic of Dean’s own mistrust in himself, but his inner child knows better and Jack’s continous denial of Mrs. Butters’ accusations underscores this fact. There is self-trust within Dean. Stronger than the lingering mistrust.

All of this inner work for Dean and Sam’s the one who gets tortured?

Well, I can see good reason why Sam is Mrs. Butters’ favourite and it’s to do with how he’s so closely tied to Dean’s purpose in life. Mrs. Butters is a reflection of Dean, and as she moves into Protector of the Bunker she’s also a reflection of any lingering toxic masculinity within Dean, and how it’s always been trying to find a way to sink its claws in Sam, but Sam has never bought into the toxic masculinty spiel, and because of that he’s needed in this instance, to see through the behaviour, to push for compassion, to break through the brainwashing that Mrs. Butters is under, to point out how she was used, taken out of her true nature to do someone else’s bidding.

The most thrilling part is that it’s Dean who delivers the biggest missing piece to Mrs. Butters’ puzzle: the true nature of Jack. 

Because, looked at symbolically, Jack’s ability to save the world represents Dean’s inner child’s ability to save Dean.

Because if any side to Dean were to destroy/thoroughly repress his inner child, he’d be lost. He would never be able to heal. 

The fact that Dean gets to be the one to do this, to talk a representative of his own inner imbalance down, makes me giddy. 

He would not have been able to do this a season ago. He was barely able to do this at the beginning of this season, because he was so full of anger.

That anger, after voicing it to Cas, doesn’t hold the same sway anymore.

He freely admitted to Jack that he’s still angry, and perhaps he always will be a little angry, but he is trying, and this, to me, is enormous. He expressed his emotion and he’s in zero ways allowing that emotion to control his actions anymore.

And, hey, we got Dean, wearing purple, assuring Mrs. Butters that Jack is a good kid.

It’s just… happy happy joy joy!

And a standing ovation to Meagen Fay. She really helped make the episode compelling to watch, balancing Mrs. Butters’ homely and darling characteristics with the darker and MoL compelled Protector of the Bunker that slowly, but surely, reared its not-as-darling head. Kudos!

Right. I could write about this episode some more, because layers, but it’s time to leave off. One thing before I go, though: I loved that we finally had them talk about that big-ass telescope. And I love that it’s not a telescope, because it makes sense. They’re underground—how would they see the stars? I figured there was some sort of skylight somehow that would open or something but meh, dull. This is so much better! And I loved that the green colour of warning was actually to do with the fact that they’re now not being able to see anything through it, rather than the colour having to do exclusively with Mrs. Butters. Utterly brilliant! And… oh dear, what horrors lie ahead??

Now to go watch 15x15. 

I’m not biting my nails. 

At all.

[botwstoriesandsuch]

Do you have any Riju headcanons? Both romantic and general

I honestly don’t have a lot of romantic head canons for Riju, but recently I was doing what I always do, analyzing the crap out of the world. So why not have some

Patricia the Prophet, Riju’s Sand Seal Obsession, and the Most Honorable Job in Gerudo Town

...Headcanons

Warning: Long post, way too much research, and I won’t shut up about business practices, animal fur, and textiles. TL;DR at the end

She is beauty

She is grace

She got a battle scar on her face

Patricia the sand seal, one of the most important members of Gerudo Town, providing guidance as a wise and experienced walrus, moral support in the form of her cute red bow and companionship with Riju, as well as assisting in the plush sand seal business ventures, which we will get into later. 

Canonically, Patricia was a gift from Riju’s mother, it would be her first and last gift to her before she died. I see this as the reason why Riju is so obsessed with sand seals, not only because she is a child and loves cute animals, but because it is one of her only links to her mother. 

More under the cut:

We can see how clearly Riju loves not just Patricia, but sand seals in general just by looking around town. 

Here is her seat at Patricia’s pen (which we will come back to later) 

Her room 

The booster seat on her throne, along with pillows have sand seals

Her skirt even has a sand seal

Now wait a moment...I think I’ve also seen that logo elsewhere...

Sand seal rental booths, a business that thrives on using domesticated sand seals in order to help people travel swiftly across the desert. 

While the existence of sand seal racing might factor into it, it’s still a bit weird that this rental business is able to survive so well even in a time where travel was dangerous and most people just stayed within their city states. Although, I guess is could also be argued that it is a necessity considering Gerudo women must eventually venture out and find husbands, but that’s still a generational, niche market. And consider that there are really only three places that a Gerudo might need to travel to in the desert, the gate way out of the desert, the outpost, and the ice house, with those last two only being accessible by royal guards. 

So how is a business being funded so well as to have gold plated signs, and enough space to take up large portions of town? I’ll tell you how, it’s because it’s also being financially assisted by Riju

Hear me out, let’s first look at a map of all of Gerudo Town

The red indicates areas accessible to the immediate public, and the gold being areas accessed only by royal guards/the Chief. The blue is areas associated with sand seals. So not only do sand seals take up a third of the general public market, but they also take of a third of the space within the palace, essentially making up over a third of the space within all of Gerudo Town.

Even leaving out Patricia’s personal pen, businesses can’t just go around taking up that much space without profits to back it up, there’s a ratio that businesses have to account for like “profit for square foot” and even general foot/customer traffic costs massive rent. Buying these areas, much less maintaining them, is gonna cost a pretty rupee. 

There’s no way these businesses are surviving all on their own. So that’s why I believe Riju has some influence with these businesses. Now, other than her great love for sand seals, you might ask, “why would she?” I mean sure, everyone loves sand seals, but is she really giving away budget just to fund her hobbies?”

And to that I say, maybe, bUT there is actually a logical conclusion as to why she would do this, as it might not necessarily just be her giving away money, but investing it towards another goal. 

Returning to Patricia’s pen, let us observe the gal for a moment. 

[Side note: I just find it interesting that Patricia has so many battle scars, interesting considering it is only Riju who rides her. The scars are mostly healed, so it’s fascinating to think about what kind of battle Riju and Patricia encountered even years before Link woke up! I mean, Riju is still only 13 in the game...so she was even younger whenever some event happened with her and Patricia. That’s actually pretty crazy when you think about it]

Anyhow, not only do we see further evidence of Riju’s love for Patricia in the fact that she has a special, royal harness, along with a ruby on her bow, but we see that sand seals have fur. 

[In fact sand seals are probably more closely related to walruses, rather than seals, given their tusks and hardened flippers, but walruses still don’t have fur to the same extent. Which is why I’ll be comparing sand seals to desert mammals, cause I doubt they will share much else with their more aquatic counterparts.]

Now fur for desert creatures serve several purposes, whether for climate conditions, protection, and even retaining the loss of water for the body. 

At least that’s how it works for another popular, real life, counter part that is also famous for transporting people across the desert, the camel. (Cause they have similar thick fur, along with the same smaller eyes and thick eyelashes, which is similar to the sand seals thick fur on their face) BUT, I’m getting ahead of myself here 

Looking further through Patricia’s pen, you will eventually find this room next to the stairs.

In this room there is a lot to unpack, much to me delight because yay! Analysis!

This room

is the key to it all.

Firstly, given the proximity to Patricia’s outdoor pen, along with the special royal harnesses, I’d say this room is specifically meant to tend to her. The room also serves to hold a variety of labeled fruits, including hydromelons and mighty bananas, most likely to feed sand seals.

Then, there is a bath area, again, most likely to tend to Patricia, which has a brush, which can be assumed to be used to brush her fur. In addition there is a spear by a bedside, which most likely just indicates that the guard outside who translates Patricia is also the one who comes into this room. 

Finally, and most importantly, there is this desk area, with sewing equipment, and felts, someone was in the process of crafting a sand seal plushie. 

A plushie, that is very familiar...

If you take this all in, a picture starts to form. 

Riju, a young Gerudo Chief, with an unrivaled love and passion for sand seals, finding interest in areas like sand seal businesses. With her power, wealth, and authority, she allows for large sections to be set aside for sand seal rentals, as well and helping to financially fund them, going so far as to even wear a logo on her skirt, or perhaps the businesses took on the logo in honor of her. 

With sand seal rentals thriving, Riju also turns her attention to plushies, pillows, and blankets. Already knowledgeable on sand seal fur, she might use her new found access to several domesticated sand seals in order to commission these items. Notice how Riju is the only one in all of Gerudo Town, nay, all of Hyrule that has any of these special sand seal stuffed animals, blankets, and pillows. All of these, made with sand seal shed fur. 

Which, as we previously established, has very similar properties to camel fur/hair! So their shedding rate, consistency, and usage must also be similar which is important because there are already camels being kept for the purposes of their fur in real life.

And before you tell me something like “sand seal fur and/or camel fur wouldn’t make for good textiles” let me side track turn your attention to my research regarding that. 

Time wise, this is a very reasonable rate for which sand seals could shed in order to hash out the several products that Riju owns. 

Sand seal fur is the only logical way the Gerudo could even craft textiles, as unlike real countries like Egypt or India, there is no cotton plant (and also no British imperialism forcing people to go through the laborious task of harvesting cotton) or alternative plant in order to produce anything else of the sort. 

Before you tell me that the Gerudo trade for such materials, first, this is still post-Calamity so it would be impossible to rely soley on imports while Hyrule is still in such an uncertain state and most city states are more isolated. Secondly, Gerudo specialize in exports, with all their fruits, meats, arrows, and such. Travelers typically come to then to trade, not the other way around. 

And on top of that, after pouring through several articles online on stuffed animal manufacturing for a few hours, I came across this Guide to Textiles which included several sections on felts, inner lining, stitches, and stuffing

And amoung the pages, I found sEVERAL mentions of camel fur and hair, proving that it if camels can, then sand seal fur can be used for the purposes of stuffed animals 

So yeah, sand seal fur is collected in order to make sand seal items. Patricia in particular, given special care, perhaps because we already know she is unique to the other seals so her fur might be more exceptional. We all know the secret ingredient to anything is love. So Patricia even has a special handeler who takes care of her, translates, and uses her fur to custom make sand seal plushies all in that same, preciously mentioned room

(Who might I add, is one of the only people capable of translating the sand seal language, has the honor of living alongside the Chief’s treasured pet who is one of the only links to her mother, as WELL as helping to take Patricia’s fur to craft custom made sand seal plushies for Riju herself? Perhaps only rivaled by Bularia, this guard has one of the most important jobs in the palace and probably gets paid accordingly since Riju values her so much.)

TL;DR, Riju has cornered the sand seal fur market with her power and money, helping the rental business to keep afloat, in order to get access to custom made sand seal fur items, all derived of a love from sand seals that she got from her mother. 

In conclusion, Nintendo, I would like my pay check now. 

[justferritalez]

Don't dim your light babygirl

Don't dim your light babygirl - Chloe Bailey

It's funny how the universe communicates. We are so conditioned to not pay attention. The messages are not always loud, but no less powerful. When we open ourselves to them the world begins to look like a very different place.

I have dimmed my light for more years than I would like to admit. I thought deep down I didn't deserve to be happy. I tried to fight my way through, but when I felt happiness near I would always turn away. I thought if I smiled and laughed one day it would reach the part of my heart that refused to receive love. I saw how much others hurt, I felt it in my own body. How could I allow myself to feel joy when so many people I loved are in pain?

I see so many children in my immediate and extended family in pain. I see their parents in pain. I see that horrible red thread of trauma weaving its way through each generation. Just like the elephant in the room, everyone pretends it's not there. Each generation learns to lash out in a different way, too afraid that on the other side is more pain instead of healing. We learn to dull the pain like a Tylenol with money, cars, clothes, and pretty pictures on Instagram or Facebook. Trying to convince ourselves and the world that we aren't miserable. Some of us are even so afraid that acknowledging our own thoughts is akin to torture.

At the beginning of lockdown in 2020, I thought I would thrive since I'm an introvert. By 2021 I learned that my assumptions of what it meant to thrive was arbitrary. I thought I would finally learn to play the guitar, piano, and finish a considerable amount of books waiting to be read on my bookshelves. Instead I was forced to dive deep into my relationship with religion, with societal expectations, and most importantly my own relationship with myself. The latter of which was most important.

I've always felt a call to something growing up. What it was I didn't know. I always tried to put it into words. I tried to put it into a career or something more tangible for my own human mind to digest. As I grew older, in my own mind I failed to accomplish what I had desired. I became gripped by fear with each year that passed. 30 was the year I told myself I would stop dreaming. I would buckle down. I would work towards the American Dream people always talk about. I'd get a good job, get married, buy a house, and have kids.

Before my 28th birthday came I was so excited for the upcoming year despite 30 looming near. I had a list of places I planned to go and things to do for my special day. Before I knew 28 had arrived. When I got all dressed up I couldn't shake this ominous feeling. Except for the sheer black top I wore I was dressed in all black, as if I was attending a funeral. Something wasn't right and I couldn't figure out what it was then. I may have made it to one or two places before I decided to return home. I was so sad, I couldn't stop myself from crying. I could barely look back at the pictures.

Before 30 came I did manage to accomplish the first two goals of the American Dream. I honored my self-imposed advice and hung up my silly dreams at 30. It was hard but I did what I thought was best to redirect my energy. To this day I always remember a conversation my cousin had with my mom years ago. One that broke my heart. I never forgot how it made me feel. She told my mom she was too old to dream. She was too old to accomplish the things she wanted to. She's 30 years my senior but I still believe if she wanted she could do anything she put her mind to. Yet here I was remembering that feeling and falling into the same mindset.

Since my teens I had always wanted to visit Japan. Especially after my dad passed away when I was 16. Ironically j-pop(and shortly after k-pop) was something that offered me a lifeline during my grief. I had plans to study abroad, but my grief and fear of losing my mother held me back. When 30 came after I had given up on my dreams, this dream unexpectedly came forward. My husband and I planned to celebrate our honeymoon/1st anniversary in Japan. It was amazing! I felt so free and so at home at the same time. We talked about moving there years before, but that's all it ever was. Now that we were there, we knew it really was a possibility. Unfortunately at the end of our trip tragedy struck. Just like it struck us after we got married. And once again just like the day I turned 30 another dream had to be swept away.

I tried my best to convince myself this is just the way the cookie crumbles. Maybe this isn't the life I wanted exactly. So many people would be happy to have this life. I would convince myself to keep my head down and appreciate it. In hindsight I think back and acknowledge you can appreciate something, and still acknowledge that it isn't right for you. What good is a $200 shirt if it doesn't fit?

There were two prominent questions that kept coming up during lockdown. Who are you? What do you want? So simple but terrifying for me to answer. In trying to answer them I realize I never truly asked myself this. No wait I did, but I didn't listen. I didn't listen to the one person who was driving this ship. I listened to the opinions of others. Surely those who have spent more time on earth than me knew what they were talking about. Then I realized they didn't. They were doing the same thing that I had done. They too ignored what they wanted, instead aspiring for the lives their family, friends, and acquaintances told them would make them happy.

For years I always felt these weird emotions in my body. Emotions that were not my own. I could be perfectly fine and walk into a room and feel overwhelmed. I Couldn't figure out why. The room was just filled with people. Why did I care what they thought of me? We all have our own lives to live, right? I begin to realize while acknowledging my own inauthenticity to myself, how so many other people were struggling with the same issue. They couldn't understand why they had the house, the car, the job, the children, and the spouse yet they were still so unhappy.

The truth is happiness cannot be found externally. It can only be found within you. The more you put all your balls in one basket thinking it will make you happy, the more you will be disappointed. If you can't stand the one person who will be with you every moment of your life you will never be happy.

I've always wanted to have kids. I was probably more excited to get married because I couldn't wait to be a mom. For some strange reason after I got married I became afraid to get pregnant. I originally thought it was because my Grammy was sick. After she passed I still couldn't shake that fear. I thought maybe I was just being overly cautious. People with less have had children and thrived in many cases. I was constantly being told that "You can never prepare for children." Still I couldn't shake the fear.

I had two amazing parents growing up. We weren't rich, but they provided for me the best they could. They did a great job, and I'll admit that I was spoiled. I took a look at the traumas I've experienced throughout my life. I looked at the things that triggered me the most. It was myself, it was a younger version of myself. My inner child as some call it.  Although I had great parents, outside of them I still was inflicted with trauma even they couldn't prevent. The person that hurt me, and the people who I've seen mistreat children, have a tendency to neglect themselves and their trauma and tend to be obsessed with how things look instead of how they are.  I did not want to be that type of person. Realizing that, I became passionate about trying to heal my own trauma, in hope to prevent my own children from inheriting this mindset.

Here is where my story truly begins. It began when I began to acknowledge myself. When I recognized myself, I put my happiness in moving to California, in my husband,  in the image of my life. I put my happiness in everything but myself. I still have work to do, but I believe that I am worth it. Every moment I choose myself, I grow and heal my wounded self.

I've begun to release past hurt and trauma that I've experienced. I'm learning that just because people who loved me hurt me in the past, doesn't mean everyone will hurt me. I'm learning to forgive myself for being angry for so long. I'm acknowledging I had every right to be angry, but staying angry was no benefit to me. I'm learning I deserve to say no if I don't want to do something, and I'm not obligated to make anyone happy except myself. People's feelings may be hurt, but I didn't ask them to count on me to make them happy. I'm happy to help others, but I will no longer pour every bit of what is in my cup into another's.

During lockdown my wardrobe got much darker. I wore black almost every day. Although black is an amazing and powerful color, it symbolically felt as if I was mourning myself. I was mourning the part of me that didn't know her worth. I let myself be her for a time, and now I release her. I will gladly put her to rest. I've decided that I won't dim my light for anyone anymore. I won't even dim my light for myself. I will get to a place where I am confidently and unapologetically me. I will shine like the rays of the sun on a hot summer day without a cloud in sight. Just like the world needs the sun, the world needs us all to shine just as bright.

[lynseylou]

Backdoor Pilot “The Originals”

Because The Originals recently debuted their series finale, I thought I would share my rather lengthy recaps of the first six episodes of the series that I did a year ago. I was so pumped about the show I made my own Wordpress website and everything. Now I have these lonely recaps with nowhere to put them but here! Enjoy if you want.

In regular backdoor pilot fashion, this The Vampire Diaries episode begins with very forced exposition explaining why we as viewers are leaving/escaping the wonderfully supernatural Mystic Falls and entering, what appears to be, an even more sadistic and cutthroat, New Orleans.

“Welcome to the dark side of New Orleans,” says the random tour guide with rad facial hair, “a supernatural playground where the living are easily lost and the dead stick around to play.” Spooky.

But what exactly are we doing here? Klaus Mikaelson recieved a tip from everyone’s favorite doppelgänger, Katherine, that a witch with the name of Jane Anne Deveroaux is conspiring against him. Conspiring? Very vague. Could it be a trap set by Katherine and this Jane Anne Deveroaux? Let’s keep watching to find out!

While Klaus is making his rounds of murderous threats, Rebekah and Elijah are arguing back in Mystic Falls. As per usual, Elijah wants to help Klaus, like the loyal brother that he is, and Rebekah wants Klaus to go to hell.

“Where are you going?” Says the particularly pouty Rebekah Mikaelson.

“To find out who’s making a move against are brother, and then… I’ll either stop them, or I’ll help them. Depending on my mood.” Oh, Elijah! You crack me up when you’re indecisive about when its appropiate to murder.

However, through the collective perspectives of Hayley Marshall, a sassy werewolf girl in search of her family, and Sophie and Jane Anne Deveroaux, we find out Hayley is pregnant.

Holy cow! Remember a few episodes back when Klaus and Hayley have a super steamy one-night stand while amongst bonding over their perpetual loneliness and sorrow? I do!

But how could this be? Well, being that Klaus is both vampire and werewolf, the original hybrid, he can in fact procreate. If you weren’t on the edge of your seat already, you are now.

But back to Klaus. During his interrogation of a French Quarter witch, Klaus finds out that a vampire in charge, Marcel, won’t let the witches practice magic. Klaus finds Marcel singing his little vampire heart out at a bar. My first impression of Marcel? Hot. Second? Exudes confidence.

Klaus and Marcel approach with caution, and you don’t know if they’re going to kill each other. But they don’t! It turns out, Klaus and Marcel are old friends, in fact, Klaus sired Marcel. We also learn that the Mikaelson’s helped build New Orleans but were run out of town for some reason. So the plot thickens!

What exactly is the deal with Marcel? “Well we can tell you!” Says The Originals writers from beyond our TV’s. Marcel has quite a little vampire community. He has night-walkers, vampires who thrive under Marcel’s rule, and the inner circle, which are those who get to bask in the sunlight with the help of mystical daylight rings. It’s as if Marcel has complete control over the supernatural in New Orleans, and Klaus is jealous. However, Klaus focuses on the task at hand and asks Marcel what he knows about Jane Anne Deveraoux. What coincidence! Marcel is scheduled to hold a weird criminal trial in the middle of the street accusing Jane Anne of practicing magic.

But unlike an actual court of law, Jane Anne is publicly executed.

“Was that convincing? I studied law back in the fifties.” Oh Marcel, you can do anything you set your mind to.

Rats! Klaus didn’t get to talk to her before Marcel cut her throat open. But there is still hope! Klaus tracks down the sister, Sophie, where she works at a bar called Rousseau’s. Unfortunately, Sophie is to scared to speak due to the night-walkers that are following Klaus. Damn it Marcel! You foil everything! Fed up, Klaus threatens the night-walkers and lavishly orders them some scotch and hands the bartender a $100 bill (which will be important later).

Meanwhile, Elijah vamps through an alleyway and demands that Sophie Deveraoux tell him what the hell is going on. Of course, he articulates this request in a more respectful and Elijah-like fashion. He also kills a couple night-walkers while doing it, but that’s neither here or there.

Marcel is throwing a rave in his house/mansion and Klaus crashes, giving off murderous glances while searching the wild party for Marcel. Marcel calms Klaus down and shows Klaus to a balcony overlooking the city. We quickly learn that Marcel is smart and calculating, could he be another Klaus?

“Mmmm, new blood.” Marcel, don’t do it.

“Bartender. Walking alone at night. She’s either brave or dumb.” Klaus don’t encourage him.

“Brave, I let her live, dumb, she’s dessert.” Marcel, don’t eat the nice bartender.

Marcel quickly vamps off to go flirt or drink the bartender from Rousseau’s, while Elijah vamps in to inform Klaus of what he has found out.

Elijah takes Klaus to a creepy cemetery where Sophie Deveraoux reveals she has been holding Hayley captive for leverage over Klaus.

But why would should I care? Wonders Klaus, looking back and forth between Hayley and Elijah.

Because she’s pregnant the and carrying your baby Klaus.

Well, shit.

DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL!

Sophie Deveraoux reveals her evil plan. Jane Anne sacrificed herself in order to confirm the pregnancy, because the witches need help taking Marcel down. They need big bad Klaus Mikaelson. What better way to achieve that then by linking Klaus’s baby mama to Sophie, so that if any harm comes to her, the same harm happens to Hayley and the baby.

DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL!

Elijah is rather disappointed in his brother’s behavior, and expresses this child to be their best chance. At happiness. At a home. At family. However, Klaus doesn’t feel the same.

Klaus crashes, once again, Marcel’s rave and picks a fight with him. Seriously guys, just put in on the table and measure already.

“Now look at you! Master of your domain, prince of the city.” Klaus, could you have made a more obvious set up towards Marcel’s big monologue?

“Hey man, I get it. 300 years ago you helped build a backwater penal colony into something. You started it, but then you left. Actually, you ran from it. I saw it through. Look around. Vampires rule this city now. We don’t have to live in the shadows like rats. The locals know their place, they look the other way. I got rid of the werewolves. I even found a way to shut down the witches. The blood never stops flowing, and the party never ends! You want to pass on through? You want to stay awhile? Great. What’s mine is yours, but it is mine. My home, my family, my rules.” By the way, throughout this episode, every time Marcel says “rules” take a shot.

“And if someone breaks those rules?”

“They die. Mercy is for the weak, you taught me that, too. And I’m not prince of the quarter, friend. I’M THE KING!”

Well that does it. Klaus inflicts his fatal werewolf bite on one of Marcel’s inner circle, Thierry, and makes his grand exit.

Next commences the wonderful New Orleans nightlife montage. As Klaus is enjoying the festivities, he spots the brave bartender, she’s looking at a painter while he’s painting, and he approaches her. Her name tag says Camille, but she rejects that name because of the notion that its made for a grandma. We can call her Cami.

“And what do you suppose his story is?” Ask’s Klaus.

“He’s… angry. Dark. Doesn’t feel safe, and doesn’t know what to do about it. He wishes he can control his demons, instead of having his demons control him. He’s lost. Alone.” Hmmm… does this painters emotional state remind you of anyone else?

Cami apologizes for being an overzealous psych major, but Klaus reassures her, and whooshes away.

Klaus and Elijah meet up and Klaus admits that he wants what Marcel has. But Klaus? What are you going to do about the baby sized elephant in the room? To which he concludes, “every king needs a heir.” Not the most heartwarming, but we’ll take it, and so will Elijah.

Klaus now has a plan being put into action. Klaus gives Marcel his blood, which will heal Thierry, in order to get close to Marcel again. And it works. Now that Klaus is feeling all powerful again, he gives the lovely Caroline Forbes a call. But of course she never calls back. Ouch.

Rebekah doesn’t want to go to New Orleans, despite Elijah’s protests. She’s still upset apparently. Also it looks like the end of Elijah and Katherine. So sad.

And that was the amazingly epic backdoor pilot of The Originals!

Onto Power Rankings! Who are the top 5 characters that “slayed” this episode?

#5 goes to… SUPERNATURAL BABY!

Your heart beats strong, young one.

#4 goes to… Sophie Deveraoux!

Getting Klaus and Elijah Mikaelson into an alliance is no easy task.

#3 goes to… Elijah Mikaelson!

Kicking butt and taking names.

#2 goes to… Marcel Gerard!

Smooth talking, karaoke singing, king of New Orleans.

#1 goes to… Klaus Mikaelson!

You glorious bastard and all of your dysfunction.

To the characters that didn’t make it on this list, maybe next time.

Do you agree with my power rankings? What was your favorite part? Enlighten me in the comments!

[ruffoverthinksthings]

Can you do HelgaxLa for the ship meme, even though I know it would be really weird and they're not really couple. I just think it will be entertaining to see how it goes.

1.Whois the most affectionate?:

La,by far.

Helgahas been known to be quite reserved and subtle with her feelings dueto how important it was in general to be completely professional andcold at all times with her old job. It’s still necessary becauseshe’s such a massive face to Maleficent’s men, and however unwiseit is, there’s still plenty of them that are stupid enoughto make fun of Helga being too “emotional” as a woman.

Andthen there’s men like Gaston who just never learn.

2.Bigspoon/Little spoon?:

Theyswitch around, when the two of them bother to sleep together in thesame bed. Helga was never the one to stick around for long enough toget attached, though sometimes it gets rather cold out in theBadlands.

3.Mostcommon argument?:

It’sa holdover from the non-sexual relationship, but Helga’s being inMaleficent’s command still, and not the much more free, respected,but less perk-rich job of being a huntress for La. La makesconvincing arguments, but you can only sweeten a reality so muchbefore it starts to taste like bullshit.

4.Favoritenon-sexual activity?:

Discussionson the unique perils and problems of women on the Isle.

Asunpleasant as their various gender-specific miseries can be,especially when one like Helga who already experienced proper accessto feminine hygiene and healthcare, finding someone who understandsexactly what you’re going through, is willing to listen, and won’trail on you for complaining is quite nice.

5.Whois most likely to carry the other?:

Either/or,depending on need.

6.Whatis their favorite feature of their partner’s?:

Helgarather enjoys La’s authority, and how even with the small group sheleads thanks to the limits of the Badlands and who would willinglyand be able to stay there for any prolonged period of time. “It’snice to have someone who doesn’t need to go through such elaborateschemes and systems to keep the dogs on their leashes.”

Larather likes Helga’s raw power and strength, easily surpassing ormatching her best and La’s own, but she rather laments that she hadto be born a woman and she’s just “excellent company, than anexcellent mate.”

8.Nicknames?& if so, how did they originate?:

Nonicknames. Helga just refers to La by her given name, or her manytitles.

9.Whoworries the most?:

La,considering that Maleficent is always keen on abusing her access toresources and the barter and petty theft economy to get back at herenemies.

HavingHelga as a fling is very temporary and neither take it that seriouslyin the long-run, yes, but there are immediate needs for her tribethat she must answer to, and that only the trash barges andMaleficent’s inner-city workers can give her.

10.Whoremembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?:

Norestaurants out here, but they do both remember the other’spreferred prey, whenever that animal comes up in the rotation of thatseason’s food source. It’s not so much a gesture of affection, somuch as a give-and-take they bother to honour.

Crocodilesbred too much this season? You’ll get more of the dogs now thattheir numbers will thrive as the drinking holes are (relatively) safeonce more.

11.Whotops?:

“Who’son top” is a constant question that never has an answer for verylong.

12.Whoinitiates kisses?:

La.

Again,Helga is reserved with her emotions, and La always was the one whowas more fond of theatrical antics.

13.Whoreaches for the other’s hand first?:

La,though that’s usually making light of her tribe’s ceremony ofbowing down to her and kissing her feet or her hand, depending on howhigh up the ranks they are, and if they don’t prefer some other,more practical means of giving tribute to her.

Helgadoes pay her respects, but she doesn’t have nearly the samereligious and tribal fervor her people have for her.

14.Whokisses the hardest?:

La.“Have to keep myself sharp, for when there’s a worthy mate thatneeds seducing, and hopefully is as skilled as Helga is.”

15.Whowakes up first?:

La.

Helgahas variable times for waking up, depending on what the missionneeded and where the hell in the world she recently came in. Workingfor Maleficent in a city that never really sleeps also necessitates arotating schedule, so you’re awake when the newest causes of crisesare awake.

16.Whowants to stay in bed just a little longer?:

Helga.

It’sone of the reason she appreciates being under Maleficent’s service,as inglorious as it is most days: there’s generally someone elsethat can be ordered to go in her stead, except for the most dramaticand dire of crises.

17.Whosays I love you first?:

No“I love yous” here. They’re aware the attraction is purelyphysical and born out of the great lack of good men here in the Isle,and they don’t believe in any value in pretending or joking that itis.

18.Wholeaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does itusually say?):

Helga,though it’s usually information written in blood and whateverbodily fluids were available on scraps of cloth, or less than idealhides of animals, to inform La about activities and what Maleficentis up to, given that the two of them are of a handful of literates inthe Badlands.

19.Whotells their family/friends about their relationship first?:

Nofamily here, but “friends” in the sense of co-workers orimmediate superiors, Helga, because it’s better that you come cleanwith going against Maleficent’s orders early than have her find outlater when you’ve already been at it for a while. The retributiongenerally tends to be of the same intensity (unless you’ve donesomething particularly grievous whilst also keeping it secret), butthe former option has less lengthy lectures.

Rourkeis annoyed that he’ll be “short one of the few realprofessionals” here, but otherwise acknowledges that you can’tkeep the collar too tight or the dogs start biting the hand thatorders them.

20.Whatdo their family/friends think of their relationship?:

Maleficentis annoyed, Rourke is, as mentioned above, bothered by the loss of acompetent lieutenant, and the rest of La’s tribespeople are oncemore ambivalent, to friendly because of Helga’s contributionscompared to a past fling like Jafar.

21.Whois more likely to start dancing with the other?:

La,though this is a means to foster community and pride in the tribethan a “let’s cut loose/footlose” sort of deal.

22.Whocooks more/who is better at cooking?:

Bothare more or less skilled and competent at turning the Isle’s foodsources into something passable to kind of decent.

23.Whocomes up with cheesy pick up lines?:

Helga,though all of these are said sarcastically. “I thought you mightlike a new fur coat,” she says as she brings a dead leopard on hershoulders, still dripping with blood. “Needs a bit of work untilyou can really wear it, though.”

24.Whowhispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear duringinappropriate times?:

La,“inappropriate” in the sense that it’s more her complaining andtalking about how she’d rather Helga worked with her as they huntanimals or deal with the minor, rare unrest in the tribe.

25.Whoneeds more assurance?:

Helga,though she doesn’t exactly worry any more than La does. It’sreally just the difference in how many things she had to keep trackof in the inner city vs the simpler life in the Badlands.

26.Whatwould be their theme song?:

Idon’t really like this part, so I’m just going to be skippingthem from now on, sorry.

27.Whowould sing to their child back to sleep?:

Nochildren, what with the same gender problem. They also don’t adoptanyone, leaving that for the other tribes. Children are generallypassed around if you don’t want them, as they’re considered avaluable investment if you have the resources.

28.Whatdo they do when they’re away from each other?:

Lagoes about her usual business, Helga takes some time to observe theinner city with binoculars from a distance, try and get a feel forhow things are going and when it might be best for to return beforethe security in the inner city degrades any more than it usuallydoes, and Maleficent will be FORCING her to go to work, rather thanoffering her a choice between whatever jobs require her attention andexpertise

29.oneheadcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart:

30.oneheadcanon about this OTP that mends it:

Noheartbreak, nor mended hearts in this.

[katropalis]

Out of Character // Mun information

Name/Nickname: Katherine Age: 21 Preferred pronouns: she/her Time Zone: UTC+8 Activity Level: 5/10; I’m on semester break and my timezone is probably still not very compatible with everyone else’s, but I’ll do my best to keep up!!! What is the thing that attracted you to this group and/or specific character? Honestly, I couldn’t stay away from this group for long especially with all these new and amazing bios! I felt drawn to Vince because I connect with his ambition and desire to make things better, and I think it’d be super fun to bring out the good and bad sides to such a forceful personality. Are you willing to have at least one ongoing para at all times after being a member for two weeks? Yes, I look forward to it!

In Character // Getting to know your muse

Name: Vincente Mateo Sinclair Valentin

Vincente (veen-SEHN-tay): the Spanish variant of Vincent, means ‘the conqueror’ or ‘to conquer’

Mateo (mat-EH-oh): means ‘of God’

Sinclair: light, clarity

Valentin (val-en-teen): strong, a name of emperors

Gender/Gender Identity: cis male, he/him

Age & Birthday: 22 March, 1958

Astrological sign: Aries

(Taken from The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need by Joanna Martine Woolfolk)

“The Inner You: You like to be in charge – you want to control your own projects and plans and not be under anyone else’s thumb. You have an intense drive to succeed and put a lot of pressure on yourself. Inside, you’re filled with nervous energy and worry about how you’re going to handle everything. You hate to be bored; you’re always looking for something different – new people and places that promise excitement and adventure. You have very little patience; you need to practice sticking things out. You’re also impatient with people who can’t resolve a problem. You believe in taking action. What you do have are great generosity and enthusiasm. And although you suffer from occasional self-doubt, you know that if you really want to do something, you can!

How Others See You: Your upbeat, magnetic personality pulls people toward you – you bring excitement into their lives. They envy your aggressiveness in meeting a challenge. Whatever the problem, you give the impression that you have an answer ready. You’re also admired for your honesty; you don’t gloss over difficulties. What people don’t like is your tendency towards bossiness and your deserved reputation for being sharp-tongued. They’re afraid to cross you in an argument because they know you can cut them to the quick.”

House & Year: Ravenclaw Alumni

Sexuality: Vince is a man of no boundaries and that includes his sexuality. Everyone in his year knew that he had a rather embarrassing crush on The Grey Lady since his third year, but what he would never tell them is that he also had one on Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington since his first.

Where do they live when not at Hogwarts?

Vince grew up in London just outside of Vauxhall with his dad, Gabriel Emmanuel Sinclair Luna, and his grandmother. Their flat can be described as both comfortable and modest; whenever he thinks about it, the sight of textbooks, the smell of ensamadas, and the memory of a strict but loving family are what always pop into mind.

Despite this though, he moved out the summer of his sixth year. He had always known that he was going to, essentially, choose the magical world over the muggle one, and was the kind of person to ‘go big or go home’. Being an underappreciated and unpaid intern at the Daily Prophet obviously didn’t give him many options, but he managed to convince Tom in the Leaky Cauldron to allow a scrappy and desperate sixteen year old a room above the pub. It’s out of practicality and a genuine love for the Soup Leaky, Leaky that he still lives there now.

Sum your character up in three words: “He’s just non-stop!”

Are you requesting any changes to the bio? I’d like to please request a FC change to Santiago Cabrera. He’s, like, 39 now but his gifs are from when he’s a lot younger haha. But I also don’t think he can necessarily pass as a 19 year old, so if it’s also alright is it possible to bump his age up to 20? Just for gif-age-range this is the youngest he looks in most of them [x] and this [x][x] is the oldest I’ll use. Thank you!

History // On a journey to the past

What are the five most significant events in your characters life?

i.

When Vince was five, he caught his dad staring at a picture that he always kept in his wallet before hastily stuffing it back inside and wiping his eyes. A couple hours after, he asked him what he’d been looking at. Even at that age it wasn’t hard for him to read other people, especially his dad. Sometimes he could’ve sworn that he was able to hear others’ thoughts – nothing clear, but words here and there, as if minds were radios and he’d somehow managed to tune his on the same frequency as someone else’s.

Anyways, he asked who it was and immediately knew that it wasn’t something the older Sinclair wanted to talk about. He expected to be brushed off, maybe even scolded, so it was an immense surprise when his father reached into his back pocket and simply answered ��your mother’.

Natalia Rose Valentin Pena was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer when her son was seven months old, and Vince knows this. She loved to sing, somehow managed to burn arroz caldo, and her favorite color was green. He also knows this. The point here being that his father never once withheld answers, never once lied about who she was and how she was once the center of their worlds. He always got the truth, and, admittedly it didn’t take the loss or pain or sorrow away – however, it didn’t allow them to fester either. It helped them all move on. He always got the truth, and Vince appreciated that. And he learned that he could always get it, if only he were to ask.

ii.

Growing up as an only child sucks. Growing up as an only child with a wild imagination and the ability (but not the permission) to use actual and literal magic was pure torture. At least, it always felt this way to Vince. A highly sociable person, he thrived on the atmosphere of Ravenclaw Tower; the constant flow of information, the calls for creativity, and admittedly poorly thought-out (but still awesome) fact that he had to live with people whose brains were just as starving as his was was right up his alley. Walking into all of this his first year of Hogwarts, Vince couldn’t imagine anything better.

Until his second year.

It’s merely a matter of perspective and that weird bit of egotism one always has at twelve years old, but he really couldn’t help but think that all the first years were so small. They were even smaller when he became a third year. It wasn’t until his fourth year that he really paid any attention to them though, and that only happened because little Eloise Templeton looked like she was about to burst into tears.

It wasn’t the first time the Eagle Knocker reduced a Ravenclaw to this, but Vince had noticed that the younger student hadn’t really even approached the door. When he asked what was stumping her about the riddle, all he got was a jerky shake of the head and a whispered “I’ve, um, never tried before”.

Now, Vince knew all about not wanting to get a question wrong. Hell, in those days he seriously wouldn’t have been surprised if his boggart was actually McGonagall pointing straight at him (and for some reason clutching a rat) declaring ‘wrong, Mr. Sinclair!’. He also knew that if he didn’t get started on his essay on The Effects of a Potion With No Physical Effects then he’d never get it finished, but for some reason watching the anxious way Eloise studied the knocker had compelled something inside him.

He’d stepped up to the doorway and asked its riddle. And then he turned back to Eloise and asked her what she thought the answer was. It was clear that she was surprised, but he smiled at her until she managed an answer. It didn’t satisfy the knocker, but they stayed out there for another six minutes until they finally came up with a solution that worked.

Honestly, Vince didn’t even think about it afterwards until he noticed that the younger Ravenclaw became more and more outspoken, less and less anxious to make noise in the common room. And it made him happy – he got this indescribable swell of pride hearing her talk nonstop and unabashedly share her opinions.

After that, he made it a point to let those younger than him try to solve the riddle first. It was really the only time he ever felt like he didn’t need to be the first one right all the time. And even more, he felt a protective of all those he had to give a little push to – because he understood their anxiety, and he understood that all one really needs is a chance to prove themselves. It was then on that he swore to always give those who needed that chance.

iii.

You know that one class that just creeps on and on and you can literally feel yourself aging closer to death as it does? And you know that one kid who always raises their hand in that class, engaged in the lesson for some reason, and making it seem a little longer? History of Magic was that one class. Vince was that one kid.

He always ignored the groans and filthy looks shot at him whenever he did raise his hand though. Because he was skeptical, goddammit.

Especially when it came to the Goblin Rebellions.

“Wait, what do you mean there are no accounts written about the Goblin Rebellions by goblins in the book?”

“Exactly what I said, Mr. Stewart.”

“Sinclair, sir – but, sir, that doesn’t make sense!”

And on the topic on the Werewolf Code of Conduct:

“Sir, with the advancements in legilimency and apparent legality of veritaserum, why couldn’t the Ministry interview and examine these wizards and see that their temperament only fluctuated towards violence when they were turning and not the days in-between?”

“Mr. Sanchez, please do not stand on your chair.”

“But, sir – the evidence, where is it?!”

It got to the point where Binns simply ignored Vince, steadfastly droning forward with his lectures despite attempted interruptions. That didn’t deter him though. When fifth year came around, he elected to take Ancient Runes as well as picking up Ghoul Studies and Ancient Studies. He was just appalled that the ‘history’ they were learning revolved around all the times wizards oppressed another sentient being and got away with it. He figured that there had to be other sources, other stories untold, and that they would be in places encrypted within foreign pasts.

All this aside though, Vince felt no resentment toward the professor. If anything, he felt bad for him – that even in the afterlife ignorance still plagued. Unlike most of his classmates, he did not drop History of Magic as time went on. In fact, he took it all the way to NEWTs, until it was just him and Binns and a smattering of other students. The curriculum and its censored ‘truths’ frustrated him, but Vince will not deny that he learned the most important lesson in that class. He learned that you couldn’t believe everything you were told – not even in school. He learned that if you want to change the world for the better, it’s not just the future but also the past that needs to be worked on. And he was ready for it.

iv.

Fresh out of Hogwarts, Vince imagined he’d be the next Michael Foot. Instead, he was little more than the doormat that the senior editors wiped their feet on. This didn’t deter him though, if he got anything from his father it was the uncontrollable ability to not stop, and he finally got his break after eavesdropping at the conference room door for weeks.

Barnabas Cuffe, the fairly newly-appointed editor-in-chief had been briefing the other reporters on a story nobody seemed to want, and Vince couldn’t help but barge in declaring “I’ll write it!” before he could finish. It probably should’ve been a bad sign that nobody even really challenged him on it, and that the senior wizard only raised an eyebrow before saying ‘go for it, kid’. As it was, Vince was just ecstatic.

It turns out nobody wanted the story because it required not using magic for a month. And living with goblins.

A goblin named Ragnok the Pigeon-Toed had apparently requested a joint article, wizard and goblin, to be written in order to bridge over animosities. He wanted understanding, open conversation, and to see whether or not the two species could survive together in a one-bedroom flat for 30 days. Vince couldn’t pack his bags fast enough.

It wasn’t easy, but it was rewarding. In the end, he and Ragnok wrote a small novel on the histories, differences, and similarities between wizards and goblins. The Daily Prophet only printed two and a half pages of it.

But from the article Vince was requested to do a piece for the next Politics section, and he still keeps a close correspondence with Ragnok until now. He’d found his niche, and from that day on he continued to carry that momentum with each story that came his way.

v.

It seemed to be an unspoken rule within the Daily Prophet that muggleborns were not allowed to write about the raids. ‘It’ll be too biased’, they’d say – as if integrity was what was at stake. Obviously, Vince didn’t listen to this rule.

As soon as he’d gotten the tip, he apparated to the flat. Although long contained, the telltale signs of stark silence and a peculiar tint of green in the sky made it clear what had happened. The aurors were already there, and when Vince flashed his press pass to gain clearance, all he got was a look of resignation – a look of ‘it’s the same story to tell’.

The bodies were gone. There was no blood, no signs of struggle save for the shattered lamp that had probably been knocked down during an attempt to escape. But it still felt like he’d just walked over someone’s grave.

Vince wrote the article, spent a week interviewing neighbors and friends and tracking down every little bit of information he could find on the victims. He camped outside of his editor’s office for three nights, continuously pressing him to print his story and refusing to let anyone else take it (and threatening to curse anyone who tried). He almost got fired, until he declared that he’d go to Merge Publications and have them run his story instead.

(“And who knows, maybe people will start wanting to read that instead of the three-lined obituaries they usually see in this paper,” he’d snarled, waving the five pages of testimonies in his grasp).

He was given a warning and a 25% cut on his salary, but the story was run. Since then, he’s tried to get to the scene first if he could. He tries to find every little thing about the victims, tries to immortalize them as if they hadn’t died in less time that it took for him to dot his i’s and cross his t’s.

And when Dumbledore showed up outside his door talking about an organization and how he could help, there really wasn’t any other choice for him.

Tools for success // Their magical prowess, etc.

Wand: Chestnut, unicorn tail, 14′‘, reasonably supple

Amortentia:

i. waffles

ii. wet rocks

iii. warm milk

iv. matches that’ve just been struck

Boggart: There’s no tragic backstory to his biggest fear other than they’re just super gross and evil-looking. Rats. Rats are his boggart. More specifically, a hoard of rats or just one abnormally huge one. He hates the way they smell, the fact that they will literally eat through anything if so compelled, their beady little eyes. They’re petrifying.

Best and worst school subject, and why:

best: history of magic and ancient runes; really, it all boils down to what he was most interested in. And finding the truth was what he was most interested in. But more than that, he loved history – loved that what people thought was clear cut and engraved as fact was really a mystery and challenge waiting to be solved. As for Ancient Runes, it was a puzzle. Vince was born for puzzles.

worst: muggle studies and Defense Against the Dark Arts; he took Muggle Studies because he wanted to be sure that they were getting things right. Other than that, he honestly just never turned in his homework for either class. While DADA was fun and a challenge, he found the constant shifting of teachers hard to keep up with and he often shirked his responsibilities in this class to study for another (it’s not like they’d stay at the castle long enough to get a bad impression of him anyways).

Extracurricular activities:

i. ancient runes society

ii. charms club

iii. mock wizengamot debate team

Other:

i. Vince has two pets, a chubby Russian Blue and a weirdly loyal raven. The cat, whose been in his family for years, is named Gus and only responds when spoken to in Spanish. The raven started visiting his window sill after he’d fed it a sausage one day. Vince calls him Pollito (which literally translates to ‘little chicken’), because he’d once woken up and, still groggy, forgot the word ‘raven’ and called it that instead. Never having bothered buying an owl, he sometimes uses Pollito to deliver and pick up posts for him.

ii. Vince learned how to produce a corporeal patronus his seventh year. It takes the form of a buffalo, which was... honestly, it was terrifying the first time it came out. He’s never even seen a buffalo before. He’s grown fond of it by now, but the next big challenge is trying to incorporate Dumbledore’s speaking modification to it. So far, he’s only been able to do so with a non-corporeal form -- which, of course, he’s not entirely satisfied with.  

iii. Vince has literally zero clue that anyone’s tampered with his memory. And it’s made him a little arrogant. He takes certain precautions in protecting himself and the information he comes by, but because he’s oblivious he almost scoffs at the idea that he could get caught. To him, the Death Eaters are playground bullies that know nothing but systematic lies. To him, they’re only dangerous as long as they stay hidden and feared. Honestly, he thinks he’s outsmarting the lot of them.

iv. The acerbic, impassioned, and, to some, radical nature of Vince’s writing has earned him more criticism than praise. Biting feedback and responses are not foreign, nor are they new to him. It doesn’t bother him, but it has taken a bit of a toll on his career -- as of right now, the only portion of the Prophet his articles are actually published in is the Evening Prophet (back section). He maintains that as long as the stories are getting out there, the fact that they’re trying to keep him from getting noticed just proves that he’s striking a nerve. Besides, it has also helped him keep his cover for the Order now that he doesn’t have to turn down every bit of ridiculous gossip that is put on his desk. 

v. As all underpaid, going-for-an-aesthetic journalists have, Vince totes around a handy dandy messenger bag with him at all times. Inside, you’ll usually find notebooks, a handful of pens, cassettes, and chapstick (spewing knowledge and facts all the time makes your lips super dry). For a lot of interviews, Vince takes his tape recorder. It’s one of the times that he actually loves how clueless wizards can be about muggle technology, as he often keeps it recording when dealing with individuals who like to go back on their words. Plus, he figures that if any Death Eaters or their supporters get a hold of his things, that they wouldn’t know any muggleborns to ask how it works – let alone work it themselves.

vi. Defense Against the Dark Arts was never Vince’s forte. He did well enough in the theoretical lessons, but he soon gave up putting too much effort in the class due to the ever shifting professors and differing teaching styles. Because of this, he’s a little shabby when it comes to dueling. He’s got a few choice spells under his belt in case of emergencies (stupefy, bombarda, protego) but sincerely hopes that Dumbledore wasn’t expecting a warrior when he asked him to join the Order.

vii. Vince has tried to endure the process of becoming an animagus twice. The first in his seventh year, and the other just recently. Both times, he’s swallowed the mandrake leaf trying to refrain himself from commenting on something (wrong) someone was saying.

viii. Before he got a somewhat steady income, Vince was completely in that ‘just out of school and broke’ life. In fact, during his first year working at the Daily Prophet, he had to pick up another job as the Knight Bus conductor to pay the bills. That was fine with him though – he felt it built character – and it actually opened up a lot of connections for him. He met a lot of different, peculiar, and sometimes just downright strange individuals during that time and got to hear so many stories. Sometimes he checks up on a couple of them, and they tell him things he’d never would’ve heard just out on the streets of Diagon Alley.

ix. Even when things got a little more stable, Vince was definitely not living up the high life. Still occupying a room atop The Leaky Cauldron, he often helps Tom clean and close down the pub in exchange for an extension on the rent. It’s a hard knock life being a writer that only wants to write important stories, but the bright side is that the pub is practically the Rome in which all roads of wizarding news and gossip lead to.

x. A third-generation immigrant, Vince has tried his best to re-discover his roots and proudly claim it. It was hard though, given the fact that he also had to establish himself in an entirely different world as well. Despite this, he’s fluent in Spanish because his grandparents weren’t entirely comfortable with English, and he grew up on stories about what it was like in a truly impoverished, unprivileged country. After his grandfather passed a couple years ago, his grandma’s been living with his dad and every Sunday Vince makes an effort to visit home and help her around the garden. Sometimes they’d even come visit him at the Leaky Cauldron, but given the present climate and war (which he’s told them absolutely nothing about) that’s unfortunately something he’s had to skip out on lately.

In the hot seat // Questions to keep you on your toes

1. What is your character’s main motivation in life? What is it that drives everything they do?

As cliche as it is, Vince wants to make the world a better place, whether that be a micro scale or a macro scale. He grew up idolizing his father and his work, always proud that he represented those who couldn’t represent themselves. However, he is utterly uninterested in doing so with the rules currently set in place – to him, becoming a lawyer or auror or politician would just trap him in the web that he’s trying to cut down. Always having been good with words, that‘s why he chose to go into journalism instead.

He fights for stories that he thinks would either go untold or misconstrued if not up to him. Some might call it a hero complex (while others could make a good argument towards arrogance), but he truly believes that he can make a difference. And he won’t let anyone or anything make him think otherwise.

2. What are your characters political views and how do they see the upcoming war?

Find an instance of injustice, and Vince has probably wrote something about it. While he obviously ‘sides’ with the side that’s not killing muggles and muggleborns, he’s also very critical on the way wars between humans always overshadow the plights of other beings. He has a good relationship with them overall, but there are admittedly a good few disgruntled house elves in the Hogwarts kitchens that refuse to make eye-contact with him because he’s tried to get them to attend a couple classes (”to see that you deserve and could be more than this, Plinky!”). He learned gobbledegook and a super slight bit of mermish so that he could properly interview them and get their voices heard.

While he understands the dangers and intensity of the war, he refuses to be scared into doing nothing. After all, it’s much more terrifying to imagine what would happen if nobody was to do anything.

3. What is your character’s family and home life like?

Mr. Sinclair Luna’s parents immigrated from Chile when he was 15 years old. A determined child, he grew up to be a brilliant man that vowed never to forget the hardships his parents had to endure to ensure he didn’t have to experience the same. He married his high school sweetheart, became a defense attorney, and when they got a child he dedicated all his energy into raising him to be a person that was compassionate to discrimination but didn’t have to go through it himself. He would’ve succeeded too, except for the whole ‘so Vince is a wizard’ thing.

Magic did not cause a rift between them, but it did leave them with little to talk about. Despite that though, there was never a time where Vince felt nothing but loved by his dad. Maybe he didn’t quite show it in the whole ‘hey, son, let’s go play catch outside!’ kind of way, but he built a new shelf for all his Hogwarts textbooks, fed the owls carrying letters from his friends, and only sighed in resigned acceptance when his only son told him that he was going to go live on top of a bar so he can follow his dream and ‘fight for the little guys’.

4. Who is/was the most important person in your characters life?

5. What is your character’s best quality?

Vince cares. He cares about the house elves and the goblins and the educational system and the muggleborns. He cares so much that he would gladly let himself be consumed by a life dedicated to giving the silenced a voice. And although he’s not always the best at showing it, he always wants the best for those closest to him. He’s determined and knows how to talk to people, and he tries his best to use that in the most beneficial way possible. He knows how to listen and amplify a thought, all he needs now is way to get people to acknowledge it.

Of the typical Ravenclaw traits, Vince embodies wit and acceptance the most. He just genuinely wants to make hard lives easier.

6. What is your character’s worst quality?

Vince has a bad habit of assuming he’s the only one in the room that did as much research and preparation as himself. It’s gotten him in quite a few heated situations, where he swears he’s not trying to make it out like he’s smarter than everyone else, but, hey, if you’re constantly feeling that way then maybe–

Yeah. While he’s naturally amicable and actually wants to not come off as a jerk, sometimes he just can’t help pointing things out bluntly. The way he sees it, it’d be far worse if he just let someone continue to be wrong.

Also, admittedly, a good portion of his relationships have suffered because of this little trait. His first girlfriend called it ‘mansplaining’ – he really didn’t understand what she was getting at, to be completely honest.

7. What are your character’s bad habits?

Other than the traits above, Vince is very quick to do what he thinks is right. Which might not sound like a bad thing, but it kind of is when he does so without others’ opinions or acceptance involved. He’ll drop everything for a story – anniversaries, dinner plans, a baby (once, when a friend had asked him to hold it but then Pollito swooped in with a memo carrying a tip and he rushed to apparate away). When he’s in the zone, sometimes he doesn’t realize when the questions he’s asking are too far. In addition to that, he often accidentally grills his friends instead of just being there to listen; he doesn’t really know the difference between asking a question because he cares, and interrogating because he cares. They’re both the same thing to him.  

8. Describe how your character sees themselves vs. how others see them.

Anything goes // Free section!

A List of ‘Most Popular’ Articles/Columns Written By Vince Sinclair:

- One Goblin, One Wizard, One Roof: What Could Go Wrong

- The Trace: Keeping Pureblood Children Safe and Muggleborns Inhibited

- A Mermaid’s Take on Lake Pollution

- Dementors: Why Are Criminals Watching Over Our Criminals?

- Outrageous Beauty Standards Are Harmful And Need To Be Addressed, Opinions from a Veela

- Not Everyone Can Do It: Slytherin Alumni On Why Being A Housewife Is Ambitious

- “Healing Others Is Ruining My Mental Health”, The Rigorous Life Of a Healer

- ‘There’s A Spell For That!’ – Are Wizards Becoming Too Dependent On Magic?

- Debunked: Contraception Spell A MYTH. Does Hogwarts Need Sex Ed?

Spoken Languages (from best to worst)

Spanish English Gobbledegook

Mermish

Mix #1 (songs on Vince’s most played cassette)

My Generation - The Who [x]

Come Together - The Beatles [x]

Where Did Our Love Go - Supremes [x]

Respect - Aretha Franklin [x]

Stand By Me - Ben E. King [x]

I Got You Babe - Sonny and Cher [x]

Shop Around - The Miracles [x]

[potterstagswag]

Out of Character // Mun information

Name/Nickname: Katherine Age: 21 Preferred pronouns: she/her Time Zone: UTC+8 Activity Level: 5/10; I’m on semester break and my timezone is probably still not very compatible with everyone else’s, but I’ll do my best to keep up!!! What is the thing that attracted you to this group and/or specific character? Honestly, I couldn’t stay away from this group for long especially with all these new and amazing bios! I felt drawn to Vince because I connect with his ambition and desire to make things better, and I think it’d be super fun to flesh him out as a character. Are you willing to have at least one ongoing para at all times after being a member for two weeks? Yes, I look forward to it!

In Character // Getting to know your muse

Name: Vincente Mateo Sinclair Valentin

Vincente (veen-SEHN-tay): the Spanish variant of Vincent, means ‘the conqueror’ or ‘to conquer’

Mateo (mat-EH-oh): means ‘of God’

Sinclair: light, clarity

Valentin (val-en-teen): strong, a name of emperors

Gender/Gender Identity: cis male, he/him

Age & Birthday: 22 March, 1958

Astrological sign: Aries

(Taken from The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need by Joanna Martine Woolfolk)

“The Inner You: You like to be in charge – you want to control your own projects and plans and not be under anyone else’s thumb. You have an intense drive to succeed and put a lot of pressure on yourself. Inside, you’re filled with nervous energy and worry about how you’re going to handle everything. You hate to be bored; you’re always looking for something different – new people and places that promise excitement and adventure. You have very little patience; you need to practice sticking things out. You’re also impatient with people who can’t resolve a problem. You believe in taking action. What you do have are great generosity and enthusiasm. And although you suffer from occasional self-doubt, you know that if you really want to do something, you can!

How Others See You: Your upbeat, magnetic personality pulls people toward you – you bring excitement into their lives. They envy your aggressiveness in meeting a challenge. Whatever the problem, you give the impression that you have an answer ready. You’re also admired for your honesty; you don’t gloss over difficulties. What people don’t like is your tendency towards bossiness and your deserved reputation for being sharp-tongued. They’re afraid to cross you in an argument because they know you can cut them to the quick.”

House & Year: Ravenclaw Alumni

Sexuality: Vince is a man of no boundaries and that includes his sexuality. Everyone in his year knew that he had a rather embarrassing crush on The Grey Lady since his third year, but what he would never tell them is that he also had one on Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington since his first.

Where do they live when not at Hogwarts?

Vince grew up in London just outside of Vauxhall with his dad, Gabriel Emmanuel Sinclair Luna. Their comfortable yet modest flat can very well be described as a ‘bachelor pad’; whenever he thinks about it, the sight of textbooks, the smell of ensamadas, and the memory of a strict but loving father are what always pop into mind.

Despite this though, he moved out the summer of his sixth year. He had always known that he was going to, essentially, choose the magical world over the muggle one, and was the kind of person to ‘go big or go home’. Being an underappreciated and unpaid intern at the Daily Prophet obviously didn’t give him many options, but he managed to convince Tom in the Leaky Cauldron to allow a scrappy and desperate sixteen year old a room above the pub. It’s out of practicality and a genuine love for the Soup Leaky, Leaky that he still lives there now.

Sum your character up in three words: “Yeah, but actually–”

Are you requesting any changes to the bio? I’d like to please request a FC change to Santiago Cabrera. He’s, like, 39 now but his gifs are from when he’s a lot younger haha. But I also don’t think he can necessarily pass as a 19 year old, so if it’s also alright is it possible to bump his age up to 20? Just for gif-age-range this is the youngest he looks in most of them [x] and this [x][x] is the oldest I’ll use. Thank you!

History // On a journey to the past

What are the five most significant events in your characters life?

i.

When Vince was six, he caught his dad staring at a picture that he always kept in his wallet before hastily stuffing it back inside and wiping his eyes. A couple hours after, he asked him what he’d been looking at. Even at that age it wasn’t hard for him to read other people, especially his dad. Sometimes he could’ve sworn that he was able to hear others’ thoughts – nothing clear, but words here and there, as if minds were radios and he’d somehow managed to tune his on the same frequency as someone else’s.

Anyways, he asked who it was and immediately knew that it wasn’t something the older Sinclair wanted to talk about. He expected to be brushed off, maybe even scolded, so it was an immense surprise when his father reached into his back pocket and simply answered ‘your mother’.

Natalia Rose Valentin Pena was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer when her son was seven months old, and Vince knows this. She loved to sing, somehow managed to burn arroz caldo, and her favorite color was green. He also knows this. The point here being that his father never once withheld answers, never once lied about who she was and how she was once the center of their worlds. He always got the truth, and, admittedly it didn’t take the loss or pain or sorrow away – however, it didn’t allow them to fester either. He always got the truth, and Vince appreciated that. And he learned that he could always get it, if only he were to ask.

ii.

Growing up as an only child sucks. Growing up as an only child with a wild imagination and the ability (but not the permission) to use actual and literal magic was pure torture. At least, it always felt this way to Vince. A highly sociable person, he thrived on the atmosphere of Ravenclaw Tower; the constant flow of information, the calls for creativity, and admittedly poorly thought-out (but still awesome) fact that he had to live with people whose brains were just as starving as his was was right up his alley. Walking into all of this his first year of Hogwarts, Vince couldn’t imagine anything better.

Until his second year.

It’s merely a matter of perspective and that weird bit of egotism one always has at twelve years old, but he really couldn’t help but think that all the first years were so small. They were even smaller when he became a third year. It wasn’t until his fourth year that he really paid any attention to them though, and that only happened because little Eloise Templeton looked like she was about to burst into tears.

It wasn’t the first time the Eagle Knocker reduced a Ravenclaw to this, but Vince had noticed that the younger student hadn’t really even approached the door. When he asked what was stumping her about the riddle, all he got was a jerky shake of the head and a whispered “I’ve, um, never tried before”.

Now, Vince knew all about not wanting to get a question wrong. Hell, in those days he seriously wouldn’t have been surprised if his boggart was actually McGonagall pointing straight at him (and for some reason clutching a mouse) declaring ‘wrong, Mr. Sinclair!’. He also knew that if he didn’t get started on his essay on The Effects of a Potion With No Physical Effects then he’d never get it finished, but for some reason watching the anxious way Eloise studied the knocker had compelled something inside him.

He’d stepped up to the doorway and asked the door its riddle. And then he turned back to Eloise and asked her what she thought the answer was. It was clear that she was surprised, but he smiled at her until she managed an answer. It didn’t satisfy the knocker, but they stayed out there for another six minutes until they finally came up with a solution that worked.

Honestly, Vince didn’t even think about it afterwards until he noticed that the younger Ravenclaw became more and more outspoken, less and less anxious to make noise in the common room. And it made him happy – he got this indescribable swell of pride hearing her talk nonstop and unabashedly share her opinions.

After that, he made it a point to let those younger than him try to solve the riddle first. It was really the only time he ever felt like he didn’t need to be the first one right all the time. And even more, he felt a protective of all those he had to give a little push to – because he understood their anxiety, and he understood that all one really needs is a chance to prove themselves. It was then on that he swore to always give those who needed that chance.

iii.

You know that one class that just creeps on and on and you can literally feel yourself aging closer to death as it does? And you know that one kid who always raises their hand in that class, engaged in the lesson for some reason, and making it seem a little longer? History of Magic was that one class. Vince was that one kid.

He always ignored the groans and filthy looks shot at him whenever he did raise his hand though. Because he was skeptical, goddammit.

Especially when it came to the Goblin Rebellions.

“Wait, what do you mean there are no accounts written about the Goblin Rebellions by goblins in the book?”

“Exactly what I said, Mr. Stewart.”

“Sinclair, sir – but, sir, that doesn’t make sense!”

And on the topic on the Werewolf Code of Conduct:

“Sir, with the advancements in legilimency and apparent legality of veritaserum, why couldn’t the Ministry interview and examine these wizards and see that their temperament only fluctuated towards violence when they were turning and not the days in-between?”

“Mr. Santiago, please do not stand on your chair.”

“But, sir – the evidence, where is it?!”

It got to the point where Binns simply ignored Vince, steadfastly droning forward with his lectures despite attempted interruptions. That didn’t deter him though. When fifth year came around, he elected to take Ancient Runes as well as picking up Ghoul Studies and Ancient Studies. He was just appalled that the ‘history’ they were learning revolved around all the times wizards oppressed another sentient being and got away with it. He figured that there had to be other sources, other stories untold, and that they would be in places encrypted within foreign pasts.

All this aside though, Vince felt no resentment toward the professor. If anything, he felt bad for him – that even in the afterlife ignorance still plagued. Unlike most of his classmates, he did not drop History of Magic as time went on. In fact, he took it all the way to NEWTs, until it was just him and Binns and a smattering of other students. The curriculum and its censored ‘truths’ frustrated him, but Vince will not deny that he learned the most important lesson in that class. He learned that you couldn’t believe everything you were told – not even in school. He learned that if you want to change the world for the better, it’s not just the future but also the past that needs to be worked on. And he was ready for it.

iv.

Fresh out of Hogwarts, Vince imagined he’d be the next Michael Foot. Instead, he was little more than the doormat that the senior editors wiped their feet on. This didn’t deter him though, if he got anything from his father it was the uncontrollable ability to not stop, and he finally got his break after eavesdropping at the conference room door for weeks.

Barnabas Cuffe, the fairly newly-appointed editor-in-chief had been briefing the other reporters on a story nobody seemed to want, and Vince couldn’t help but barge in declaring “I’ll write it!” before he could finish. It probably should’ve been a bad sign that nobody even really challenged him on it, and that the senior wizard only raised an eyebrow before saying ‘go for it, kid’. As it was, Vince was just ecstatic.

It turns out nobody wanted the story because it required not using magic for a month. And living with goblins.

A goblin named Ragnok the Pigeon-Toed had apparently requested a joint article, wizard and goblin, to be written in order to bridge over animosities. He wanted understanding, open conversation, and to see whether or not the two species could survive together in a one-bedroom flat for 30 days. Vince couldn’t pack his bags fast enough.

It wasn’t easy, but it was rewarding. In the end, he and Ragnok wrote a small novel on the histories, differences, and similarities between wizards and goblins. The Daily Prophet only printed two and a half pages of it.

But from the article Vince was requested to do a piece for the next Politics section, and he still keeps a close correspondence with Ragnok until now. He’d found his niche, and from that day on he continued to carry that momentum with each story that came his way.

v.

It seemed to be an unspoken rule within the Daily Prophet that muggleborns were not allowed to write about the raids. ‘It’ll be too biased’, they’d say – as if integrity was what was at stake. Obviously, Vince didn’t listen to this rule.

As soon as he’d gotten the tip, he apparated to the flat. Although long contained, the telltale signs of stark silence and a peculiar tint of green in the sky made it clear what had happened. The aurors were already there, and when Vince flashed his press pass to gain clearance, all he got was a look of resignation – a look of ‘it’s the same story to tell’.

The bodies were gone. There was no blood, no signs of struggle save for the shattered lamp that had probably been knocked down during an attempt to escape. But it still felt like he’d just walked over someone’s grave.

Vince wrote the article, spent a week interviewing neighbors and friends and tracking down every little bit of information he could find on the victims. He camped outside of his editor’s office for three nights, continuously pressing him to print his story and refusing to let anyone else take it (and threatening to curse anyone who tried). He almost got fired, until he declared that he’d go to Merge Publications and have them run his story instead.

(“And who knows, maybe people will start wanting to read that instead of the three-lined obituaries they usually see in this paper,” he’d snarled, waving the five pages of testimonies in his grasp).

He was given a warning and a 25% cut on his salary, but the story was run. Since then, he’s tried to get to the scene first if he could. He tries to find every little thing about the victims, tries to immortalize them as if they hadn’t died in less time that it took for him to dot is i’s and cross his t’s.

And when Dumbledore showed up outside his door talking about an organization and how he could help, there really wasn’t any other choice for him.

Tools for success // Their magical prowess, etc.

Wand: Cedar, unicorn tail, 14′‘, reasonably supple

Amortentia:

i. waffles

ii. wet rocks

iii. warm milk

iv. matches that’ve just been struck

Boggart: There’s no tragic backstory to his biggest fear other than they’re just super gross and evil-looking. Rats. Rats are his boggart. More specifically, a hoard of rats or just one abnormally huge one. He hates the way they smell, the fact that they will literally eat through anything if so compelled, their beady little eyes. They’re petrifying.

Best and worst school subject, and why:

best: history of magic and ancient runes; really, it all boils down to what he was most interested in. And finding the truth was what he was most interested in. But more than that, he loved history – loved that what people thought was clear cut and engraved as fact was really a mystery and challenge waiting to be solved. As for Ancient Runes, it was a puzzle. Vince was born for puzzles.

worst: muggle studies and transfiguration; he took Muggle Studies because he wanted to be sure that they were getting things right. Other than that, he honestly just never turned in his homework for either class. While Transfiguration was fun and a challenge, he’d never really been good at anatomy – let alone shifting anatomy – and he often shirked his responsibilities in this class to study for another.

Extracurricular activities:

i. ancient runes society

ii. charms club

iii. mock wizengamot debate team

Other:

i. Vince has two pets, a chubby Russian Blue and a weirdly loyal raven. The cat, whose been in his family for years, is named Gus and only responds when spoken to in Spanish. The raven started visiting his window sill after he’d fed it a sausage one day. Vince calls him Pollito (which literally translates to ‘little chicken’), because he’d once woken up and, still groggy, forgot the word ‘raven’ and called it that instead. Never having bothered buying an owl, he sometimes uses Pollito to deliver and pick up posts for him.

ii. After once meeting Alastor Moody, Vince decided to take a page out of his book and carry a flask around with him and only drink from that. The contents are very rarely alcoholic, but it seems like a good idea and it also makes him feel cool.

iii. Vince has literally zero clue that anyone’s tampered with his memory. And it’s made him a little arrogant. He takes certain precautions in protecting himself and the information he comes by, but because he’s oblivious he almost scoffs at the idea that he could get caught. To him, the Death Eaters are playground bullies that know nothing but systematic lies. To him, they’re only dangerous as long as they stay hidden and feared. Honestly, he thinks he’s outsmarting the lot of them.

iv. As all underpaid, going-for-an-aesthetic journalists have, Vince totes around a handy dandy messenger bag with him at all times. Inside, you’ll usually find notebooks, a handful of pens, cassettes, and chapstick (spewing knowledge and facts all the time makes your lips super dry).

v. For a lot of interviews, Vince takes his tape recorder. It’s one of the times that he actually loves how clueless wizards can be about muggle technology, as he often keeps it recording when dealing with individuals who like to go back on their words. Plus, he figures that if any Death Eaters or their supporters get a hold of his things, that they wouldn’t know any muggleborns to ask how it works – let alone work it themselves.

vi. Defense Against the Dark Arts was never actually Vince’s forte. He did well enough in the theoretical lessons, but he soon gave up putting too much effort in the class due to the ever shifting professors and differing teaching styles. Because of this, he’s a little shabby when it comes to dueling. He’s got a few choice spells under his belt in case of emergencies (stupefy, bombarda, protego) but sincerely hopes that Dumbledore wasn’t expecting a warrior when he asked him to join the Order.

vii. Vince has tried to endure the process of becoming an animagus twice. The first in his seventh year, and the other just recently. Both times, he’s swallowed the mandrake leaf trying to refrain himself from commenting on something (wrong) someone was saying.

viii. Before he got a somewhat steady income, Vince was completely in that ‘just out of school and broke’ life. In fact, during his first year working at the Daily Prophet, he had to pick up another job as the Knight Bus conductor to pay the bills. That was fine with him though – he felt it built character – and it actually opened up a lot of connections for him. He met a lot of different, peculiar, and sometimes just downright strange individuals during that time and got to hear so many stories. Sometimes he checks up on a couple of them, and they tell him things he’d never would’ve heard just out on the streets of Diagon Alley.

ix. Even when things got a little more stable, Vince was definitely not living up the high life. Still occupying a room atop The Leaky Cauldron, he often helps Tom clean and close down the pub in exchange for an extension on the rent. It’s a hard knock life being a writer that only wants to write important stories, but the bright side is that the pub is practically the Rome in which all roads of wizarding news and gossip lead to.

x. A third-generation immigrant, Vince has tried his best to re-discover his roots and proudly claim it. It was hard though, given the fact that he also had to establish himself in an entirely different world as well. While English wasn’t his first language, it’s the language he’s ‘better’ at and the one all his memories seem to be in – he’ll joke that he’s ‘passively bilingual’, in that he understands Spanish but will often give himself a headache trying to fluently speak it. He has a sneaking suspicion that that might be why his dad let him take Gus to Hogwarts, so he would be forced to practice if he ever wanted his cat to do anything other than be a lump of fur.

In the hot seat // Questions to keep you on your toes

1. What is your character’s main motivation in life? What is it that drives everything they do?

As cliche as it is, Vince wants to make the world a better place, whether that be a micro scale or a macro scale. He grew up idolizing his father and his work, always proud that he represented those who couldn’t represent themselves. However, he is utterly uninterested in doing so with the rules currently set in place – to him, becoming a lawyer or auror or politician would just trap him in the web that he’s trying to cut down. Always having been good with words, that‘s why he chose to go into journalism instead.

He fights for stories that he thinks would either go untold or misconstrued if not up to him. Some might call it a hero complex (while others could make a good argument towards arrogance), but he truly believes that he can make a difference. And he won’t let anyone or anything make him think otherwise.

2. What are your characters political views and how do they see the upcoming war?

Find an instance of injustice, and Vince has probably wrote something about it. While he obviously ‘sides’ with the side that’s not killing muggles and muggleborns, he’s also very critical on the way wars between humans always overshadow the plights of other beings. While he has a good relationship with them overall, there are a good few disgruntled house elves in the Hogwarts kitchens that refuse to make eye-contact with him because he’s tried to get them to attend a couple classes (”to see that you deserve and could be more than this, Plinky!”). He learned gobbledegook and a super slight bit of mermish so that he could properly interview them and get their voices heard.

While he understands the dangers and intensity of the war, he refuses to be scared into doing nothing. After all, it’s much more terrifying to imagine what would happen if nobody was to do anything.

3. What is your character’s family and home life like?

Mr. Sinclair Luna’s parents immigrated from Chile when he was 15 years old. A determined child, he grew up to be a brilliant man that vowed never to forget the hardships his parents had to endure to ensure he didn’t have to experience the same. He married his high school sweetheart, became a defense attorney, and when they got a child he dedicated all his energy into raising him to be a person that was compassionate to discrimination but didn’t have to go through it himself. He would’ve succeeded too, except for the whole ‘so Vince is a wizard’ thing.

Magic did not cause a rift between them, but it did leave them with little to talk about. Despite that though, there was never a time where Vince felt nothing but loved by his dad. Maybe he didn’t quite show it in the whole ‘hey, son, let’s go play catch outside!’ kind of way, but he built a new shelf for all his Hogwarts textbooks, fed the owls carrying letters from his friends, and only sighed in resigned acceptance when his only son told him that he was going to go live on top of a bar so he can follow his dream and ‘fight for the little guys’.

4. Who is/was the most important person in your characters life?

5. What is your character’s best quality?

Vince cares. He cares about the house elves and the goblins and the educational system and the muggleborns. He cares so much that he would gladly let himself be consumed by a life dedicated to giving the silenced a voice. And although he’s not always the best at showing it, he always wants the best for those closest to him. He’s determined and knows how to talk to people, and he tries his best to use that in the most beneficial way possible. He knows how to listen and amplify a thought, all he needs now is way to get people to acknowledge it.

Of the typical Ravenclaw traits, Vince embodies wit and acceptance the most. He just genuinely wants to make hard lives easier.

6. What is your character’s worst quality?

Vince has a bad habit of assuming he’s the only one in the room that did as much research and preparation as himself. It’s gotten him in quite a few heated situations, where he swears he’s not trying to make it out like he’s smarter than everyone else, but, hey, if you’re constantly feeling that way then maybe–

Yeah. While he’s naturally amicable and actually wants to not come off as a jerk, sometimes he just can’t help pointing things out bluntly. The way he sees it, it’d be far worse if he just let someone continue to be wrong.

Also, admittedly, a good portion of his relationships have suffered because of this little trait. His first girlfriend called it ‘mansplaining’ – he really didn’t understand what she was getting at, to be completely honest.

7. What are your character’s bad habits?

Other than the trait above, Vince is very quick to do what he thinks is right. Which might not sound like a bad thing, but it kind of is when he does so without others’ opinions or acceptance involved. He’ll drop everything for a story – anniversaries, dinner plans, a baby (once, when a friend had asked him to hold it but then Pollito swooped in with a memo carrying a tip and he rushed to apparate away). When he’s in the zone, sometimes he doesn’t realize when the questions he’s asking are ‘too far’. In addition to that, he often accidentally grills his friends instead of just being there to listen; he doesn’t really know the difference between asking a question because he cares, and interrogating because he cares. They’re both the same thing to him.  

8. Describe how your character sees themselves vs. how others see them.

Anything goes // Free section!

A List of ‘Most Popular’ Articles/Columns Written By Vince Sinclair:

- One Goblin, One Wizard, One Roof: What Could Go Wrong

- The Trace: Keeping Kids Safe or Keeping Them Contained?

- A Merman’s Take on Lake Pollution

- Dementors: Why Are Criminals Watching Over Our Criminals?

- Outrageous Beauty Standards Are Harmful And Need To Be Addressed, Opinions from a Veela

- Not Everyone Can Do It: Slytherin Alumni On Why Being A Housewife Is Ambitious

- “Healing Others Is Ruining My Mental Health”, The Rigorous Life Of a Healer

- ‘There’s A Spell For That!’ – Are Wizards Becoming Too Dependent On Magic?

- Debunked: Contraception Spell A MYTH. Does Hogwarts Need Sex Ed?

Spoken Languages (from best to worst)

English

Gobbledegook

Spanish

Mermish

Mix #1 (songs on Vince’s most played cassette)

My Generation - The Who [x]

Come Together - The Beatles [x]

Where Did Our Love Go - Supremes [x]

Respect - Aretha Franklin [x]

Stand By Me - Ben E. King [x]

I Got You Babe - Sonny and Cher [x]

Shop Around - The Miracles [x]