#I’m embarrasing myself on main because it’s funny

[nick-close]

I think I should be legally banned from consuming content with glenn close, its turned me into a monster. I just said ‘I gotcha, baby.’ To a notebook I thought I lost when I found it. That’s deranged. that’s DERANGED. I SMIRKED AT A FUCKING NOTEBOOK. I’M HOME ALONE. PUT ME DOWN. THIS IS BECAUSE OF HIM.

[dory2812]

To my mutuals

@holy-suga @bangtan-shizzle @flowerbangtann @penicillinjimin @supergeek1999 @harmoniouss-chaoss @wyntermage @sserendip1ty especially you, I purple you all, you actually were very helpful every day. Your messages and comments, your blogs.

So, I have to leave this blog. I don't want to and I'm crying writing this but life is not about what we want. I don't know if you know about that but I'm 26 now, I'm old, I should be married now, have at least one child, a normal job and look more mature. Instead I watch bts, have cute jimin on my wallpaper, wear Cartoon t-shirts, eat lollipops and I don't even have a job. I'm a big child. A joke.

I was visitting my family yesterday and they had a talk with me. My brother told me what he thinks about me and he's 23. He said it's a little embarrasing that im spending my time watching a boyband tv show, have a wallpaper with bts like a teenager, wear middle school clothes, don't even have a boy friend and I'm dreaming about being an artist at my age, when all my peers are married and have their own kids and houses...

I know it's good to have dreams but they are right. I'm old, im gonna be 27 next year, I should grow up. I bought hello Kitty diary yesterday! That's pathetic. If I look at myself from the distance I'd think I'm 15 at max. That's the truth. That's embarrasing, I'm embarrasing. Life is hard and went especially hard on me but well, my lost. I'm just unlucky. I have to accept that, I'm too old, I need to grow up. I need to stop watching BTS, I should just listen to songs without getting deeper into the group, I've been with bts since predebut and here is where i should leave them. I need to stop buying cute stationary and toys. I need to start wearing adult clothes and get a hold of myself. Do I want it? No, this is not who i am but maybe my family is right, I should catch up to my own ID. I spend my free time playing bts world, watching bts compilations on YouTube and I decorate my desk with cute stickers... 😑 I seriously started to think that maybe im sick, maybe I should go on a therapy, maybe it's some sort of 'not wanting to grow up' syndrome. You know what's funny? A month ago, spending my last money after loosing my job, I bought myself a skateboard. Because I always wanted to learn. Now after the talk with my brother I feel like an idiot. I can imagine people's reaction on me, thank God i haven't told anyone. Now I need to just sell it.

In conclusion, want it or not, I think my time has ended, I need to grow up and I feel like vomitting while writing this but maybe it will all get better with time, people say it's possible to get used to everything in life...

I need to leave this blog, I won't delete it because this is my main blog and unfortunately I started a side blog where i sell stuff from time to time and so I need to keep my side blog so I can't delete this one. But I think I have to leave it, don't really know, I don't know what's appropiate for adults and what's not anymore but having a fangirl blog is probably not appropiate. But seriously thank you all for just being. Let me tell you something, you don't realise how helpful a set of gifs can be, how sending someone a message or just tagging someone in your posts can bring a person up. Seriously, people are lonely sometimes and just knowing that someone remembers you every day, tags you in games etc is so amazing. I love you as much as I hate my life, which is a lot... 💜 I will miss all this and bts run and bangtan bombs and all that non mv bts content, Twitter etc, you, my mutuals and your blogs and everything I've been doing everyday in my personal life. 💜

[i-amusemyself]

All 100 Questions.

Bloody hell okay thank you!!! 😄😄😄

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?Yeah, Id say so.

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?Aint never had anyone to fake it with 😂 Ngl tho its the sort of thing id do (which is terrible i know)

3. If you could have one super power, what would it be?Mind reading.

4. Do you think youre gonna be rich in 7-8-9 years?I’d be worried if I didnt have more money than I have now, but idk.

5. Tell us some funny drunk story?Oh jeez erm, I don’t really have any 😂 My friends occasionally remind me of the time at the school christmas ball one of the business teachers turned up and I quickly ran away while aggressively whispering “oh no he knows im a lesbian, aimee told him”.

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?We work better as friends, its less stressful.

7. If you had to choose one way to die what would it be?See I’m really torn with this question. Part of me thinks itd be nice just to go in my sleep, with a heart attack or something. Its quick and painless you know.But equally I wonder if it would be better to maybe, like, have something where I knew I was gonna die. Because then I’d have time to try and do everything on my bucket list and say goodbye to everyone. Also maybe at that point I’d welcome death lmao.

8. What are your current goals?Idk? Im waiting on A level results which I really hope I’ve done well in.I hope to make lots of new friends at uni and learn how to look after myself quickly I guess. I dont know.

9. Do you like someone?I like a lot of people 😆

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?Im really not sure??? There arent many people I expect anything from and even then my standards are pretty low. So like, I dont really get disappointed by people, only occasionally by situations.

11. Do you like your body?I could hate it a lot more, but I wouldnt say I’m happy with my body or general appearance. I struggle a lot with my features and my weight and the scars I have (which is ridiculous but thats what mental illness is)

12. Can you keep a diet?I mean if I wasnt on the diet im on rn (with lots of restrictions) id probs be in hospital 😂

13. If the whole world was listening to you right now, what would you say?Honestly id pass out under the pressure of it 😂 idk, id tell them all to take a chill pill but no one would listen.

14. Do you work?Nah, i had 3 jobs at once last yeah but now I’ve ended up with none.

15. If you could choose only one food to eat for the rest of your life what would it be?Either garlic bread or chocolate I cant decide!

16. Would you get a tattoo?I’m v much planning on getting one in the near future so yh!!

17. Something you dont mind spending all your money on?Plane tickets.

18. Can you drive?Yeah! I havent driven since I passed my test, but hopefully I havent forgotten how to that quickly!

19. When was the last time someone told you youre beautiful?…I cant remember. Thats depressing (not that I blame them).

20. What was the last thing you cried for?Argh I have no idea why I was crying, my brain just wasnt doing its job so everything made me stressed and sad.

21. Do you keep a journal?I keep a blog for diary posts but besides that nah

22. Is life fun?If you allow it to be, yeah

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?Tf is that supposed to mean? I guess if you know the person well it is.

24. Whats your dream car?I dont know about Dream Car, id have to research it loads to decide what my absolute fave it. Although rn I’d really love a ‘67 VW beetle bc theyre small and cheap on insurance 😂

25. Are grades in school important?My own grades are super important to me, (to the point its probably unhealthy) but in terms of how the people around me do, it doesnt really matter to me. I mean, I want everyone to do well, but I dont judge people based on it.

26. Describe your crush.She’s funny and all around awesome and interesting and good at deep convos and beautiful and way out of my league.

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?The last one I read called The Bell Jar. It was unlike anything I’ve ever read and made me think about a lot of things. Also I related a lot with the main character.

28. What was your last lie?Eh, probably “im fine”.

29. Dumbest lie you ever told?Idk?? I only keep track of the good lies 😉

30. Is crying in front of people embarrasing?It shouldnt be but yeah, I try my best not to.

31. Something you did and are proud of?Umm, idk im p proud of playing basketball and representing my region/training with england. But i quit that so 👏 dicks out for my regrettable decisions 👏

32. Whats your favourite cocktail?Never had one

33. Something you are good at?Annoying people and being clingy 😂 also maths ig

34. Do you like small kids?It depends on the child, the day of the week, the lunar cycle, my menstrual cycle, how hungry I am…Yh legit sometimes I hate them sometimes I love them.

35. How are you feeling right now?Great omg I just got my best friend to watch mamma mia and now shes high on life next to me.

36. What would you name your daughter/son?🤐 there are a couple of names for girls I like and like 2 boys names? But i dont wanna say bc theyre embarrasing.

37. What do you need to be happy?Good company, good food and possibly music.

38. Is there someone you want to punch in the face right now?Theres always at least 3 people I would love to punch 😂

39. What was the last gift you recieved?My best friend got me a necklace and I almost cried its so beautiful

40. What was the last gift you gave?The gift of my company @only-slightly-dangerous 😉😉😉

41. What was the last concert you went to?I went to to see Amber Run in february

42. Favourite place to shop at?Um, as in shop? A place called blue banana probs (england’s hot topic smh)

43. Who inspires you?Kaitlyn Alexander bc they helped me to understand who I am and how I feel and to be loud and proud about it.And Luke Cutforth bc he’s so open about his mental health and struggles with self harm but hes so happy now.

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?18 lmao

45. How old were you when you first got high?It aint happened yet (and i dont really want it to)

46. How old were you when you first had sex?It aint happened yet smh

47. When was your first kiss?As far as im concerned never

48. Something you want to do until the end this year?What….does this mean….? Idk???

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadnt done?It’s more stuff I wish I had done tbh. I suppose I said things I shouldnt have or got too involved in drama, but you kinda need all that secondary school shit to learn from it

50. Post a selfie.Lmao nah fam

51. Who are you most comfortable around?My best friend by a mile. Privacy who?

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.Abandonment without explanation.

53. What kind of books do you read?Anything non fiction about medicine/being a doctor/disease/psycopaths.Besides that whatever has been recommended.

54. What would you tell your 12 y/o self?1. Youre gay2. You and I both know you arent joking about being “a dude trapped in a girls body” stop laughing it off and confront it.3. Stand up for yourself.4. Chill out.5. Laugh a lot more omg

55. What is your favourite flower?It’s between petunias and roses

56. Any bad habits you have?Not answering peoples messages unless theyre Certain Person A or Certain Person B.

57. What kind of people are you attracted to?Ones that are out of my league and could kick my ass apparently. Also ones that are kind, listen and think a lot I guess

58. What was the last thing you cried for?Already answered

59. Is there something you dont eat? A food that truly disgusts you?I dont eat loads of stuff bc my guts hate me 😂 but besides all that I’m actually the worlds least picky eater. The only thing I dont like is raw tomato. Thats it.

60. Are you in love?I wish

61. Something you find romantic?All the clichés ngl 😂 just anything that says “i love you” or “i was thinking about you” really

62. How long was your longest relationship?Like 4 months? Barely long term.

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?Oh jeez i hate these theyre so stereotype-y1. Bitching2. Not supporting each other3. ….?

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?1. Not supporting each other2. Massive egos3. Yelling

65. What are you saving money for?Uni so I dont starve to death!

66. How would you describe your bad side?Hmm, idk, it depends what someone did to get on my bad side. I’d say stubborn, bitter and angry tho usually.

67. Are you actually a good person? Why?I could be wrong but I think so long as someone has morally good intentions they are usually a good person, whether they always succeed or not. So yeah, I like to think I am.

68. What are you living for?My friends and the hope I have for my future.

69. Have you ever done anything illegal?Piracy? Thats it.

70. Do you like your money?….did I type this question wrong or??

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?Okay, the honest answer? Yeah. When I was a lot younger and less mature and someone said something that hurt me, I tried to retaliate with equally hurtful comments. I like to think I wouldnt do that now.

72. Ever sent nudes?Lol no

73. Have you ever cheated on someone?Hell no

74. Favourite candy?All candy hates me 😂

75. Is there a blog you visit everyday or almost every day? Tag them.Yeah @oneshappyplace knows I regularly spam her with notes in search or Quality Memes (im so sorry)

76. Do you play any computer games? Whats ur fave?Nah, as if I have time 😂

77. Favourite TV series?Argh I canny choose? I love the IT Crowd, I love supernatural, I love Sherlock, I love in the flesh…

78. Are you religious? Does God exist?I’m not religious and personally I don’t believe there’s a god or higher power but I could be wrong.

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?The Bell Jar. See 27.

80. What do you think about vegetarians and veganism?I respect it I guess? At one point I was p much a vegetarian until I had to restrict my diet sooo. Tho I could never be one now, let alone a vegan.

81. How long have you been on tumblr?Too long 😂😂😂 Like 3 or 4 years?

82. Do you like chinese food?Love it!

83. McDonalds or Subway?(Never been to subway so) McDonalds.

84. Vodka or Whisky?(Never had whisky so) Vodka.

85. Alcohol or Drugs?(Never had drugs so) Alcohol.

86. Ever been out of your country?I’m currently in the USA so yeah 😂

87. Meaning behind your blog name?It’s p self explanatory and also v true

88. What are you scared of?Abandonment, deep water, knives, toys with battery packs.

89. Last time you were insulted?Ugh, probs like when I met up with a load of school friends for our leaver’s ball.

90. Most traumatic experience?I’d rather not answer that lmao (plus itd take a long time to type)

91. Perfect date idea?Chilling and listening to each other’s favourite songs while coexisting and eating fast food 😂 that or ikea ngl

92. Favourite app on your phone?Tumblr. Even though I hate it, it also keeps me sane.

93. What colour are the walls in your room?White and blue.

94. Do you watch youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?I love so many youtubers omg. Lukeisnotsexy, mileschronicles, realisticallysaying and filthy frank are faves

95. Share your favourite quote.Pick your fights.

96. What is the meaning of life?To live life to the fullest so youre happy and have minimal regrets. Also to be kind and helpful so even if you dont change the world you might help someone else to.

97. Do you like horror movies?I think….? But I’m not good at watching them alone 😂

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?Eh…again, would rather not answer (we got some nice supressed memories here)

99. Do you feel lucky or special in any way?I’m still totally in awe of how lucky I am to have met my best friend from 3000 miles away. Like, the probability of it was so so slim and yet here we are.

100. Can you keep a secret?I think so yh! It’s something that I consider super important.

[lovemenowmr]

Chapter two

As soon as his eyes made contact with mine it seemed like they were all I could see, the world around me turning into a blur. His gaze on me was intense and I couldn't seem to look away, his hand wrapping around mine firmly but gently.

"It's nice to meet you to" I said, my voice so low I didn't even know if he heard it.

"You're not from here, aren't you?" he asked without moving away from me or letting my hand go.

"I'm from the north of Spain" I said, my voice still low.

My arm relaxed a bit and it fell to my hip, my hand still in his. He was leaned to the sofa, lowering himself to my heigh and I was standing close to him, both of us connected by the hands.

"Then what are you doing in Dortmund?" he asked sweetly, his thumb carresing the bach of my hand.

"I'm studying" I said still looking to his eyes. "What about you?"

He looked at me intensly for a while and then he said "I work for the local team"

As he said that I heard a noise behind me and I turned away for him, releasing his hand. I looked up to Matts and Cathy feeling a little bit embarrased. Marco didn't move but he tilted his head up to meet Matts gaze, who gave him an amused look.

"So..." Cathy said "We are going to talk with the waiters, we'll be right back"

She grabbed Matts hand and both of them disappeared into the crowd. Me and Marco stood still, neither of us daring to make the first move, he looking at me intensly.

"How do you like Dortmund so far?" he asked picking up my hand again.

" Vert much" I said looking at my feet, "Although I haven't seen much yet"

"And why's that?" he asked lifting my head up to meet his.

"Haven't got time yet"

"Follow me" he said pulling me with him as he ventured to the crowd. "I'll show you"

I followed him to the improvised dance flor, dancing bodies colliding with our ones. His hand firmly pressed against my wrist, looking back from time to time to check up on me. Everyone seemed to know him in this party as every step we took someone appeared to talk to him, greeting him friendly-like. And he seemed pleased to talk with everyone of them, his funny and outgoing personality showing. I tried to stay behind not wanting to interrupt but everyone of them seemed to notice me and asking him about me. He introduced me to everyone of them and I never thought I would meet as many footballers as I was, I was dying on the inside but keeping it calm on the outside.

We passed the dance floor and got into a hallway, both of us still quiet. His tall frame moving in front of me, giving me time to appreciate his broad back under the white shirt he was wearing. We passed three diferent doors and he opened the fourth one for me, indicating me to get in.

I entered into what it looked like the master bedroom of the house. There was two big armchairs placed in front of a modern-looking fireplace, behind them there was a huge king-size bed with white bedding and two big pillows. The fireplace was located in between two black doors, which were closed. In front of the door that I had used to enter there was a wall made of mor floor-to-ceiling windows, which showed a beatiful view of the city.

"This room has the best views of the city in the entire house" Marco said as he entered and closed the door behind him.

"How do you know?" I asked "Is this your house?"

"No" he said with a smile walking to my side and placing his hand on my back "This is Matts and Cathy's. I live outside the city"

He walked to the windows and opened a door to the balcony, gesturing me to go out with him. I stepped outside, the cold September air hitting my skin, making me shiver.

"There you go." Marco said handing me his jacket. " I figured you'll be cold so I brough it."

"Thanks" I said as he adjusted the jacket over my shoulders.

"Here you have it" he said "This is one of the best views of Dortmund from this part of the city"

"It's really beautiful" I wishpered as we pulled to the banister.

I heard him chuckle beside me and he stood still, falling into a comfortable silence. His bodyheat warming the left side of my body as he was standing close to me and his arm brushing against my back as his hand was leaned to my right side. He then started to point to buildings or parks we could see from the balcony and telling me stories about those places, I listened to him carefully as I was really interested in his stories.

After a virtual tour of the whole city I heard a phone ringing, just as I felt him pull away for me.

"Hallo" he answered "No... Okey... Yeah, of course... All right, see you in a bit" he hung up the phone and look down to me "I'm sorry Adela, but I have to go. I had a great time today" he asked apologetically.

"It all right" I replied with a smile.

I followed him back to the main room, I didn't know how many time we have been away but by the time we reached the huge living area everybody was a little bit tipsty and dancing. Me and Marco said our goodbyes and I left to find Elise.

After a little while I find both Elise and Gunter making out at the corner of the dance floor so I decided not to bother them. But then I found Cathy and we spent the night dancing, we also exchange our numbers after I left to find Elise again.

As soon as we stepped into the cab Elise fell asleep on my shoulder and I let her doze all the way to my flat, where we were both staying the night.

At eight o'clock in the morning my alarm went off and both me and Elise moaned at the noise, not having had enough sleep. As she showered as stole some of my clothes I made breakfast, we ate in silence and then she made the bed as I got showered and dressed. As we made our way to college we asked each other about our previous night, she was shocked to find I had met a cute and nice boy but I didn't give it too much thought as I didn't think I'll ever see him again.

Our day was very boring, but we were luck we just had class for three hours on Fridays, after class I left to pick mine and Elise tickects to the match and talked with my mother for a while. I reminded myself to ring my brother in the afternoon once he finished work because I missed my little niece a lot.

It was already four in the evening when I heard my phone ring, as I looked to it and saw I had a message from an unknown contact:

Hi! Do you fancy some coffee? -Cathy.

Of course! I replied as I stepped into my room to find something to wear as this morning I hadn't made an effort.

[ddrkirbyisq]

Originally posted on the TGC forums here. A big thank you to raisin for organizing the 5th anniversary Journey event, and also for meeting me out on the sands! This was my 12th Journey, and the first time that I had done in quite some time!  I've shown a handful of people through the game, letting them play on my account, but I hadn't taken to the sands myself in a long while.  The event was in the middle of the work day for me, but I worked remotely and took a few hours of time out from working for the occasion.  No save reset for me (never done such a thing yet!), but I did cast off my white robe and went as a fully-embroidered red cloak. As a personal aside, I've been having some interesting times lately -- nothing too crazy happening as far as life goes, but I have definitely been feeling a bit "lost" and ungrounded.  The best way I can describe it is that it felt as if the universe was swirling around and moving about all around me, and I felt as though I did not "have" anything, did not have a foothold or a heading.  At the risk of delving a bit too deep into personal matters, I will say that I care very intensely about the past and often struggle with moving on or letting go.  These feelings were at the forefront of my mind as I set out for my Journey and I knew beforehand that my playthrough would be a good chance to reflect upon my life's Journey as well. I leaped off the BB right on the dot at the start of the event and it wasn't long before I found a fellow red-clothed companion!  After some happy greetings and faceplanting it was clear that we were both excited to see each other and go play.  It wasn't until after my playthrough that I discovered that the reddie I had encountered was none other than raisin!  I had actually taken my 10th Journey through the sands together with raisin -- a wonderful and fun-filled experience that I recounted here, though we failed to walk through the light together, losing each other in the darkness as we ventured into the snow glitch and lost our way in the midst of the death march.  Reading that account again now really makes me smile -- you showed me so many wonderful things...playing with WMs, a breathtaking meditation plummet, new CB spots, and my first time coasting and doing a dry tower run.  I consider myself lucky to have been blessed with the opportunity to Journey with you again. It was here in the BB area that I started to realize just how long it had been since I had last taken to the sands -- it took me a bit to remember the exact position of the glyph on the left side in the cave area.  How embarrasing! xP  This was also the first time in a very long while that I had gone out in red.  My, what a different experience!  No longer could I speed across the ground easily, yet at the same time, it made it such a compelling reason to stay close by your side.  Nostalgic indeed. We went off to collect some glyphs, release some flyers, etc. and I decided to try my hand at the usual CB spot near the glyph on the right.  As I mentioned, I haven't done this in *forever* so I couldn't even remember whether I was supposed to continue to flap or not, and whether or not being too close to one another would throw us off.  Nonetheless I still managed to get a decent CB out of it somehow, though not nearly high enough to ascend to the end of the level.  It was after that that you chirped at me and motioned to try and get through the rock headbonk entrance to the glitch area.  My -- another spot where being in red really made things much more difficult!  You made it in first and I knew where you were trying to lead me, just had trouble pinpointing the exact spot.  Thank you for coming back out and assisting me some more -- eventually we both made it in, hooray!  Unfortunately we didn't have much luck climbing out of the sandfall, as I forget how that area behaves and being in red certainly didn't help.  Funnily enough last time that we tried to play around in that glitch it also led to, as you put it, "a comedy of misunderstandings" xD We had an unfortunate disconnect in the PD as your game decided to crash -- you were there with me one moment, then gone the next.  I wandered the desert on my own a bit, realizing that again, I had forgotten the relative locations of the landmarks that I knew were there somehow. ^^;  I had some nice times playing with the little scarf carpets, actually, as I bumbled about trying to find my way.  Eventually you managed to find me again!  Rejoice!  We went around collecting more glyphs and at one point took a brief break to practice our faceplant-jumping.  A skill that I have yet to fully master, but I was able to get one!  *chirp*  I also really enjoyed the little nook on the side edge of the structure that we walked along, pushing our heads down into the sand ^^  I've never seen anything like that!  Such fun to be shown these hidden corners of the game by another such as yourself :) We had some nice coasting in the PD as well...funny -- did you know that you are the only person I've ever coasted with?  We flew together above to the top of the structure and I was able to do my first beamdown, together with you!  What a magical feeling, floating down with such grace! We did not play for too long in the SC, or the rest stop area -- and I knew that I should not, either, having to eventually get back to work at some point.  We did try to get another beamdown at the dramatic drop area at the end of the level, but my attempts to sync up together with you were proving laughably difficult. xD In the UG you took me up in the jellyfish room to the glitch and I followed with some small amount of trepidation, not wanting to go too far into glitch-land.  Thankfully, you were an excellent and considerate leader and I felt secure the whole way through!  I'm really grateful for that :)  You showed me scaredy-cat WM like you did during our previous journey, and then we proceeded to the final slide down to the end of the level.  I know there are some interesting things that you can do for that slidedown but am not sure of any of them off the top of my head.  I decided to just fly as quickly as I could toward the bottom, beating the WMs by a mile, but when I looked back you were no longer there, and alas there was only one WM chasing me, not two.  I chirped in the darkness but alas, we had DCed and you were nowhere to be found.  I sat through the history lesson and said a brief hello to the two scarf ribbons on the right before moving onward alone to the tower. I met another reddie in the tower, one who may or may not have been on their first playthrough, and was acting rather aloof.  I did interact with them a bit, going through a majority of the tower together, but I realized during this that I did not really want another companion at this point.  My hopes of reuniting with raisin were slim at this point and I decided that I was in the mood for finishing my Journey alone and having some time to reflect on things, as well as appreciate the landscape itself. In the snow level I started to take my time, going along at my own pace, spending a little more time with the fallen carpet flyers than usual.  It was here that I met some more reddies -- one who made an unfortunate fall back down to the beginning of the level, and later on another one whom I crossed the WM field with, only to have him get caught by a WM and get hit.  They dusted on me immediately afterward, leaving me alone in the snow again. As always, I spent a while lingering at the warm lantern room, it being my favorite spot in the game.  This may seem silly to you, but I actually always thought that the lantern doesn't stay lit for very long, and always just deactivates itself after a set amount of time -- I think because I've always been through that area together with a companion and we deactivated it soon after.  To my surprise that wasn't the case, and I sat there in the lantern room for quite some time meditating in the warm orange glow, with the gentle lantern music cue playing against the rush of the wind outside.  It was actually a very very meaningful experience for me, knowing that I could hold this moment for as long as I wished, especially given the things I had been struggling with in life recently.  Having a comfortable, safe spot that I can stay in and preserve is very important to me as a person, and it is exactly for that reason that I feel so strongly about that room in the game.  As I do with life, I half considered just ending my Journey there, not wanting to move on from my restful place.  But the aforementioned reddie came by and I decided to follow them. After being dusted on, I was left to tackle the windy corridor and the final death march alone.  As always, the DM is an interesting experience -- I feel like it can conjure such wildly different feelings each time.  This time was unique in that I felt little will to continue onward to the mountain itself.  Of course, I continued to push onward, fulfilling the role I was meant to play, but I later realized that it was not the mountain ahead of me that I truly desired, but rather, the fun times spent together with raisin in the PD that I wanted to return to.  Having lost my connection to the past as well as my pull forward to the future, I found myself lost in an endless sea of white.  I already knew this in my own life, but having the elements depicted as concrete metaphors really brought it all together for me. I went through Paradise alone as well, but actually enjoyed it quite much.  It's been a while since playing in Paradise alone, and I think it really brings a new feel to the place, being able to spend more time alone with the gorgeous water, the little islands off to the sides of the main path, and hanging out with the whales as well.  Oh, how I loved playing with those whales!  I feel like I am usually too distracted by keeping up with and playing around with my companion to really say hi to them. I have been considering some concepts of Buddhism lately and trying to come to terms with the idea that we don't really "have anything" so to speak, that life is fleeting and it is not really possible to truly "preserve" anything, despite my strong ideals of hanging onto things.  "The cup is already broken", as they say.  As I crossed the threshold into the light, I watched my figure walk further and further into the distance, surrounded by the blank white nothingness, and for the first time I really, truly watched all the way, focusing on that tiny figure in the center of the screen as it faded until finally there was nothingness again.  I think I'll be reflecting on that image for a while. Thank you so much again, raisin, for organizing this event and for a wonderful time together (that unfortunately met a premature end).  It was really nice getting to know you in the sands for a time again and I found my Journey to be very theraputic as well.  Perhaps someday we'll actually get to walk into the light together ^^;