#I’m not a mam and I refuse to comment on baby’s with phones maybe that baby was just watching some blues clues but the dummy iPhone combo

[luveline]

just saw a baby with an iPhone and it made me laugh so much

[takemeawaytocamelot]

A Wild Night in Vegas -- Part 12

Two chapters in two weeks! @outlandishchridhe and I are rather proud of ourselves, honestly. And, because this chapter is INCREDIBLY long (13 pages on our Google doc [a new record!]) I’m putting it after a break. If it won’t load for you, you can read the full chapter over on my AO3 account HERE

I have to dedicate this chapter to my wonderful mum @thatwetwomaybeoneagain who kindly requested we put in a bit of canon dialogue. So we did, and I hope you enjoy it mum!

Fraser Bairn Watch: Month 6

Jamie was bone tired after a stressful day of training with new horses and some new additions to their act, but he still stopped at the store before returning to their apartment.

When he opened the door, he couldn't help but smile. There was Claire, dressed in one of his shirts and a pair of long shorts, dancing haphazardly around their small kitchen, humming along with a tune that was softly playing from her phone as she made their dinner. She turned when she heard the door open and a smile broke across her face when she saw what he carried. She danced over to him, happier than he'd seen her in at least a week.

"More flowers, Mr. Fraser?" she asked, giggling and reaching for the roses. "6 more roses?"

She reached up on her tiptoes and pecked his lips, wiggling away again. She got fresh water for her roses and placed them in the vase that all the previous ones had been.

"What's got ye so excited, mo nighean donn?"

She turned and smiled brilliantly again.

"Nothing. I'm just in a really happy mood today is all."

She continued to flutter around the kitchen as Jamie turned to open the fridge for something to drink. He stopped dead as he opened the fridge all the way. It was stuffed with all different kinds of foods. He turned to question Claire.

"Ack, Christ woman!" he yelled, surprised by how close she was to him, Cheshire Cat grin across her face.

"What?" she asked, innocently.

"Firstly, I didna think ye were quite so close. One day ye'll have to put those CPR skills to use if ye keep sneaking up behind me," he scolded her. "Secondly, why is there so much food in our fridge? Are ye preparin' for an apocalypse?"

Her cheeks tinged pink in embarrassment.

"Well, no," she started softly, not meeting his gaze. "I just went to the store today and I bought everything that I thought looked really good or that I might have a craving for. You know, so I don't have to wake you up at night to go and get things."

He looked down at her tenderly and stopped her fidgeting by pulling her close and lifting her face to his.

He kissed her nose and said, “It’s a verra kind thing to do for me, Sassenach, but ye needn’t have done so.”

“I wanted to. I hate waking you in the middle of the night.”

“I'm none so daft as to think ye did this just for me though, aye? This way ye dinna have to wait for me to find the food for ye and bring it back home.”

She flushed again, but held his stare this time.

“Well… maybe a little bit for me too. You're welcome.” She smirked cheekily up at him.

He laughed and bopped her on the nose.

“Aye well, it’s you who must do the hard work until the bairn is born and it's only right that I do anything I can for you. Get that in while ye can, Sassenach," he joked, smile shining through his eyes.

She stole a few more kisses from him before returning to prepare dinner. He stood behind her, subtly distracting her by running his hands over her back, sides and bottom (but mostly her bottom). He took extra care not to touch her ever growing belly though.

He had seen the look in her eyes when he took his weekly photos of her; she smiled, but not the carefree smile she had on now. That was something neither of them had brought up or talked about, her discomfort with her body. But he saw it in her and tried to give her the space she needed. He did appreciate that she still allowed him to take his weekly photos.

“Oh!” she said suddenly, standing up straight. “Did you feel that?”

Frowning, he looked down at her and shook his head.

“Feel what?”

Setting the spoon to the side, she grabbed his wrist and slid his hand around to her stomach.

He was still for a long moment before he felt it. A little bump against his hand followed by two more in quick succession.

“Was that…”

“Yes! She’s been pretty active today. Dancing along with me, I suppose.”

“He’ll be a braw lad if he’s already kicking like this!”

Unable to resist, Jamie leaned over Claire’s shoulder and kissed her cheek. The bairn kicked again, lighter this time, and Jamie’s breath caught. He could feel it now, his tiny child moving around on his own.

That night, while Claire slept comfortably, he stared down at her belly. The bairn moved a bit at night, Claire had told him, and he loved the way it felt. He wasn’t sure the child could hear anything yet, or if he’d understand anything Jamie or Claire said, but Jamie couldn’t help himself.

“Hello,” he whispered, leaning down a little to be closer. “I dinna ken if ye can hear me or no’, but I’m yer Da. I canna wait to meet ye, to hold ye in my arms and hear ye cry. To feed ye and change ye, teach ye all the things a father should. Like how to love a woman well, how to be a good man to her.”

Claire stirred and Jamie dropped his voice lower.

“No matter what happens in the future, you’ll always ken that ye’re my son and that I love ye, that I love yer Mam and she loves me too. So grow well, wee Fraser, and try no’ to give yer Mam too much trouble, aye?”

Jamie lay back, smiling when the bairn moved a little once more.

“Oh,” he said, sitting up and glaring down at the belly. “And could ye maybe stop giving yer Mam strange cravings in the middle o’ the night? She needs her sleep. So do I, come to think of it. We both thank ye for accommodating our needs.”

The next afternoon, Jamie sat at the kitchen table eating a sandwich when Claire came home from her classes. He glanced up to smile at her, but stopped when he saw where his favorite shirt had gone. True, she looked great in it, but more and more of his shirts were going missing lately.

“So that’s where my favorite shirt ran off to…”

She smiled at him and put her bag down beside the desk.

“Sorry, I couldn’t find anything else that was clean this morning.”

“Sassenach, I do need clothes to wear when I go out places, ken? Why do ye not just go and buy some new ones?”

“Because, those don’t smell like you. And I like that. And so does the baby.”

He sighed. It was impossible to argue with a pregnant woman, especially one as stubborn as his Claire.

“Claire, ye canna wear all my clothes for the rest of the pregnancy.”

“Sure I can,” she said, opening up the fridge. “You’re much larger than I am. Your shirts will be just fine.”

“And yer trousers?”

She refused to meet his eye as she sat down.

“That’s what I thought. What if we went out tomorrow and I helped ye pick things out that ye liked?”

“They won’t smell like you.”

“No, but I figure you’ll likely be much more comfortable.”

She took a big bite of the pickle in her hand and sighed.

“Your shirts are comfortable,” she replied, and received a stern look in return. “Fine,” she pouted, wiping the juice off her chin. “We can go tomorrow. But I’m still stealing your shirts until I start popping seams.”

“Fair enough, Sassenach.”

###

Staring at the maternity clothes, Claire took a deep breath. A part of her hated admitting that she needed bigger things to wear comfortably. Jamie was right, though. She couldn’t wear his shirts for the duration of the pregnancy. Something about using the words ‘maternity clothes’ though made her feel older, like she was already someone’s mother.

That someone reminded her of her presence with a solid kick. Claire grunted and rubbed the spot, glaring down at her bulge.

“Would you stop that?” she muttered.

“Stop what?” Jamie asked, picking a blouse off a hanger.

“Not you. She’s kicking hard today.”

That heartbreaking smile made a brilliant return and he looked down at her belly.

“Aye? Ye said he kicks like a mule?”

“Yes, she does. Might make a good footballer if she keeps up with this sort of kicking.”

Taking the things he’d begun to pick out, she voiced a sudden thought.

“Did you kick your mother this bad?”

His jaw clenched and he shrugged uncomfortably. The subject of his family hadn’t really come up again since Colorado and she tried to avoid it. She hadn’t really meant to bring it up now, the question had sort of fallen out of her mouth before she could stop it.

“Dinna ken. Mam never said.”

“Really? Never mentioned it in passing, or while complaining about your stubbornness?”

“No,” he said sharply. “She didna. And I didna ask.”

They shopped for a while longer, both of them picking things out for her to try on. Jamie waited patiently while she found things that she liked and that fit.

“I like that one,” he said when she’d come out in a floral blouse.

When she’d put it on, she hadn’t liked it. The fit was fine, but she’d never seen herself as a floral sort of woman. But this was the first one he’d made a comment on, so she put it in her keep pile.

They left the store together with a few pairs of trousers and a few new shirts for her. As they got into the car, she rubbed a hand on her belly.

“I’m sorry I asked about your mum,” she said quietly. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

He gave her a weak, half-smirk.

“Dinna fash. I just dinna like to talk about them. Not since… All that matters is that you’re my family now. Everything outside that doesna matter.”

“How long has it been? Since you left?”

Both hands on the steering wheel gripped it with white knuckles and he took a deep breath.

“Almost four years. Please, I… I’d rather no’ talk about it at all.”

“Alright.”

The silence inside the car grew painfully awkward.

“Thank you for going out with me today.”

“Perhaps now I’ll have more than one shirt to wear now.”

“Don’t hold your breath for that, Fraser. She’s gotten used to your shirts.”

Jamie snorted.

“I think he’ll be better for not being trussed up in a shirt three sizes too small for him.”

“I suppose we’ll just have to see, won’t we?”

###

A couple of weeks later, Claire stood in the kitchen making supper for herself and Jamie. He would be home any minute and he’d be starving. Claire had a large pot of stew that was nearly finished and it smelled amazing. For once she wasn’t wearing one of Jamie’s shirts, though she’d been tempted to wear the Excalibur Staff shirt in his wardrobe. Instead she was in the floral blouse he’d enjoyed and a pair of comfortable maternity trousers.

“Will you be like your daddy?” she asked her swell, rubbing a hand over it gently. “Will you eat us out of house and home too? Though I’m sure he’d argue I’m the one eating everything lately.”

His key in their door brightened her face with a smile and she left the kitchen for a moment to see him come in the door.

The smile faded almost immediately from her lips when she saw him. He looked exhausted and in pain. His keys dropped when he tried to hang them up and he left them where they were, heading straight for the bottle of whiskey they kept in the cupboard.

“Long day?”

“Aye. Verra long.”

As he poured himself a stiff drink, she went back to the stew. The stray thought she’d had all day came back to her, prompting her to ask.

“I had a thought today,” she said as she stirred the stew. “Do you happen to still have your parent’s number?”

When the apartment grew quiet, she wondered if he’d fallen asleep. It wouldn’t have been the first time.

“Why the hell would ye want that?”

Glancing over at him, she watched as he tried to roll his shoulder, but stop when he winced. It must have been a really rough day at work. After dinner she would need to look at it to make sure nothing was wrong before they went to bed. He was probably just bruised and sore, but she needed to see for herself it wasn’t something worse.

“Well I just thought they might like to know they’ll have a grandchild soon. And maybe that you’ve a wife.”

Jamie scoffed.

“They’ll hate the bairn as much as they hate me. It’s my spawn after all.”

She flinched a little at his words. Never once had Jamie called their child anything except babe, bairn, or wee one. Spawn felt insensitive and uncaring.

“Jamie, I just think-”

His glass slammed down on the table, spilling a little over the sides. Echoes of old fights with Frank began running through her head, all beginning with a glass of something being put down too hard on a table.

“Dinna speak of what ye dinna ken, Claire. They’re my family, no’ yours.”

Why was he acting this way? Turning the stove off, she stared at him with an open mouth and wide eyes.

“Not mine?! Who the bloody hell do you think you are, saying that to me? I’m a Fraser now, aren’t I? Changed my bloody name and everything.”

His tired blue eyes rolled and he pursed his lips for a moment.

“That’s no’ what I meant. You’re my family. The Fraser’s are a stubborn clan, they hold grudges for years. It’s only that ye dinna ken what they’re like. Ye never had a fa-”

Cutting off his own words, he looked away from her, shamefaced. He didn’t need to finish his statement for both of them to understand what he’d nearly said.

She’d never had a family, she wouldn’t understand, being an only child and an orphan at an early age. It took her three tries to put the lid on the pot of stew, blurry as her vision had gone. Finally she got it on, but couldn’t look away from it.

“I’m sorry, Claire.”

“I just thought it might be nice for our baby to know her grandparents. Or for her grandparents to even know she exists. That’s all I meant by it, Jamie,” she said softly, trying to placate him.

He growled in frustration.

“For God’s sake, woman! Let it go! I’m no’ gonna call them so I can hear about Da’s stroke and how hard it’s been on Mam! It’s my fault! I did that to Da! And I canna bear their shame!”

Not once in all the months she’d known him had he ever raised his voice to her. The anger and pain in his eyes hurt deeply and she didn’t know what to do about it. Both arms wrapped around her swell as though to protect it from this strange man standing before her.

“Jamie I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“I’m going out. Dinna ken when I’ll be home, so dinna wait up. Just go to bed.”

“I can leave a bowl of-”

The front door slammed shut and Claire stared at the empty apartment in shock. What had just happened?

###

Jamie sat at the bar, drinking whiskey like it was water, his mind racing with mad thoughts.

Where did she get off telling him to call his family?

Who was she to think it would be good?

Didn’t she understand what a disappointment he was to them? The shame he’d brought to his clan by refusing his father and running away? He was a bloody coward and she wanted him to call them?

They would ask questions, if they didn’t hang up on him outright. And what was he to say? This is my wife Claire, whom I married while drunk and got her pregnant the same night.

“Lady troubles?” the bartender asked.

He was a gruff man, built like a tank.

“Aye.”

“Always is,” he said, heading down to tend another of his patrons.

Jamie had no idea how long he stayed in the bar, drinking. All he knew was the bartender took his car keys and said he’d keep them until the morning. When Jamie tried to fumble with his phone to call a cab, the bartender did it for him.

He lumbered up the stairs to his apartment, still angry with Claire. She just didn’t understand what things were like. So she kept pushing and pushing to reach out to his family, to tell them about the bairn. But he couldn’t - wouldn’t - subject himself, or his wife and bairn for that matter, to the shame they carried. It was better for everyone if he stayed away from them, out of contact.

The front door squeaked a little, as it usually did, when he slipped in. For a long time, he swayed in the living room, considering the couch or his bed. But if he went in to his bed, he’d wake Claire and she’d ask where he’d been. She’d smell the whiskey on him and the cigarette smoke in his hair. A small part of his brain knew that it would most likely make her nauseous and he didn't want to do that to her either. The couch wasn’t nearly as comfortable, but at least it wouldn’t ask questions and demand answers.

###

She knew, by the look on his face, that he wouldn’t come to bed. It was nearly two in the morning, but she hadn’t slept, not really. She’d dozed a little here and there, but always woke shortly after her eyes had closed. For the first hour, she’d paced the living room, angry that he’d just left in the middle of their discussion. The next few hours, she’d sat on the couch and wept, afraid that she’d pushed him too far. After that, she was just worried, cradling their unborn child in her arms as her imagination ran wild.

What if he’d been hit by a drunk driver?

What if he’d gotten into a bar fight and was in the ER?

What if he’d had too much to drink and gotten alcohol poisoning?

But now he was home, struggling to undress down to his boxers, before collapsing on the couch. Dressed in her blue kimono-style robe, Claire eased out of the bedroom and approached him. She stood at the end of the couch, staring at him in the pale light.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have pushed you for something you weren’t ready for. And it wasn’t fair to start that conversation when you were tired and unrested.”

His eyes, which seemed to glow in the silver moonlight, met hers, but he said nothing.

“Will you come home?”

“I am home.”

She shook her head, taking a deep breath before letting the robe fall. Ever since she’d begun to show, she’d been incredibly self conscious about her body. Jamie told her constantly that she was beautiful, but feeling everything grow and swell felt strange.

And she’d never done something quite like this before, not even with Frank. The curtains were closed and none could see them, but she didn’t make a habit out of walking around their apartment naked. Yet here she was, standing before her husband, naked and pregnant, praying he would come back to her.

That was the thing. He’d come home and said he was home, but she saw in his eyes he was still angry and hurt. She knew his mind had not yet come home with him, it was still wandering and thinking.

As she lifted her leg over him, he began to sit up. His eyes couldn’t decide what to focus on, her face, her breasts, or her belly. He hadn’t been able to convince her to shed all of her clothes in months, and seeing her bared to him felt new all over again. They flicked between all three, finally landing on her face.

“Claire, I-”

“Shhh,” she whispered. “Just come find me, Jamie.” She took his hands and placed them on her taught skin. “Come find us. We are your home, your family. Come home, Jamie.”

Then, pulling her mass of hair to one side, she leaned down and kissed him. It was tentative, almost shy, at first. But when her belly began to press into his, she felt him return. Wherever his mind had been, it was finally recalled back to her and his mouth opened to hers. The whiskey was still sharp on his tongue, but that only made her more hungry for him.

He sat up a little, moving so his back rested on the arm of the couch. As he did, his hands had pushed his boxers down before finding her stomach again.

“I want you,” she whispered as he kissed his way down her chest. “So much I can scarcely breathe.”

When she reached down to guide him in, he grabbed her wrist.

“Wait. Is it safe? For the bairn? He’s a bit bigger than the last time we made love.”

Smiling, she nodded and kissed him again, sighing a little as his tongue mingled with her own.

“Yes,” she replied when he let her go. “It’s safe. You won’t hurt us.”

Searching her eyes, he nodded and released her hand. His breath caught when she took him in, though his gaze remained locked with hers. Moving was awkward at first, with her belly giving her limited options. But Jamie seemed to figure things out, his hands dropping to her hips and guiding her slowly.

It felt an act of intimacy more than love, in some strange way. As if she’d pushed on a sore wound too hard and had caused too much pain. This was healing the both of them, reminding each other two whom they belonged. While he helped her move, he leaned down and took a nipple into his mouth. It was a strange sensation at first, with her breasts being so sensitive from the pregnancy. But after a moment, it felt good. Very good.

Jamie let out a soft choking sound as he came to the end of himself, pulling his head away from her breasts and letting out a deep sigh. Claire kept moving, so near to that final moment.

“You are my whole life, mo chridhe,” Jamie whispered, pulling her head down to kiss her.

He accepted her moan of satisfaction, holding her close while she trembled.

“I’m sorry,” he said, when her breathing began to slow. “I shouldna have yelled at ye that way. Or stormed out. That wasna fair to you. Forgive me?”

“Forgiven. I’m sorry too, Jamie. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard. Forgive me?”

“Oh, my love,” he kissed her as he helped her to her feet. “I’ve forgiven everything ye have done and could do a long time ago. That’s what ye do when ye love someone.”

He would have carried her to bed, but there wasn’t a way to make that happen without making her uncomfortable. Instead, he walked with his hand on the small of her back, sliding into the bed beside her.

She was on her side, though she was facing him this time. He toyed with a lock of her hair, twirling it around and around his finger. Would their bairn have hair like this?

“Sassenach?”

“Hmm?” she asked with a drowsy sound.

“I ken what ye did tonight, coming out to me like that. I ken how much ye havena like yer body lately.”

Her eyes opened slowly and lifted to meet his.

“I’m sorry, Jamie. I just feel… How can you want me like this?”

“Because this,” his hand moved to her stomach that was pressing against his. “Is what we made. It doesna matter how it came about. But when I saw ye standing there, naked as can be… Thank ye.”

“Thank you for wanting me, all fat and bloated.”

He laughed and shook his head.

“Ye are’na fat and bloated, Sassenach, yer pregnant. But even if ye were, so long as I am still breathing, I will always want ye. Thank ye for giving me that gift, letting me see yer body.”

Sexy probably wasn’t quite the right word to describe how she felt. But she felt better about her body now, seeing how much he’d enjoyed watching her.

“Claire, I must ask something of ye.”

“What?”

When he didn’t speak again, she sat up and met his eyes.

“What is it?”

“I must ask that ye give me honesty. That whatever ye tell me is the truth, no matter that it may hurt me or no. I ask that ye tell me when things bother ye, dinna take the burden upon yourself. A good marriage has good communication, I think. I kent ye didna feel good about yer body, but only because I ken how ye are. Ye didna tell me.”

She looked away, a little ashamed.

“Yes, I know. I’m sorry. I should have told you how I was feeling.”

“I canna read your mind, Sassenach, though your thoughts move across your face plain enough. But if ye can promise me honesty, and that you’ll tell me when things bother ye, I’ll do the same.”

“Even if you know I won’t like what I hear?”

He nodded slowly.

“I’ll never keep anything from you that ye need to hear. Like how beautiful I think ye are, carrying our bairn, keeping him safe. Or how much I love ye. But I’ll give ye the same honesty.”

“Thank you. That means a lot to me, after…”

She tried not to bring up Frank as often as she could, it wasn’t fair to Jamie. And Jamie made it easy to forget how Frank had broken her heart.

“Aye, I ken it does. And, weel… I suppose I should follow through wi’ that now, aye? I’ve been considering something that will affect the both of us.”

“And what is that?”

“I’ve been thinking about finding a different job. One wi’ better hours, more normal hours. One that doesna leave me bruised and hurt so much. I havena found anything I like yet, but I think it would be good for us.”

Her eyes went wide and she pushed herself all the way up into a sitting position.

“For us? You want to quit your job for us? Jamie that’s… Thank you for telling me this.”

“You and the bairn are my life now. I want to be a good husband to you and a good father to our child. I canna do that if I’m working shows every night and training horses. I want to be home, wi’ you. Though I willna leave my job until I’ve got something else lined up, ken.”

Grabbing his face in both hands, she kissed him hard.

“I love you. Thank you. That feels so inadequate, but all I can say is thank you.”

He kissed her softly and pulled the tartan blanket up over them.

“It is my pleasure, Sassenach. I mean to provide the best I can for you and the bairn. It might take time to find a good job, but I’ll find a better one.”

###

He was glad he’d told her that he'd been looking for new jobs, something where he would have normal hours. Something with set days of the week to work rather than the chaotic schedule of the show. He could spend less time working the afternoons and nights and more times during the day to be at home with his wife and child, whenever that child decided to make his appearance. He smiled. Claire was so set that this baby was a girl, yet he was sure that it would be a boy. Maybe out of habit of disagreeing with her to watch her face scrunch together trying to hide a smile at his teasing. While she slept, he reached out and spread his hand across her swell. Her skin was so soft and smooth, stretched tight across their child. He was proud of her, shedding her clothes and insecurities for him. That familiar bump against his hand made his heart thud unevenly.

“I’m promise you too, wee-un,” he whispered, caressing the small spot that he felt moving. “I will find something better for all of us.”