#I'll be swan food by the time I ever get to the end of season 4 in my rewatch

[saltygilmores]

I could say so many things about this completely bonkers scene straight out of Bonkersville. I decided to rewash it tonight. But two special things stand out to me and I had to gif them. 1) the quickness with which TJ flips that book out of Jess' hand. Like that book does a fucking graceful somersault in the air and 2) the way Milo's Pre-Emo hair flippy-flops when Luke grabs him :)

[kittycatgundam]

Odd Omens

Chapter 1

Angels and demons, good and evil is there ever anything in between a gray area? This question had my head spinning for a long time. Life is just weird most of the time.

I believe it just the way thing work and went on with my life. If only life was that easy. At least my life.

But no my life a pile of complicated shit. I wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemy.

Okay that's enough renting now I'll tell you my story.

For a long time I didn't have a name. You see my earliest memory is of a garden. Not just any garden no. It all started in the Garden of Eden.

Yep, that garden, the one with Adam and Eve.

My parents were both angels.

Wait, I hear you angels can't have kids can they?

I'm not sure myself how it happen but my parents found a way. I wish I could ask but I can't you see they are dead. Now were was I ... oh yeah the garden.

It's this garden were I was born. I bet you think I was born a angel with white wings on my back. You're only half right. My left wing is white but my right is black.

But how I hear you ask. Well, like I said both my parents were angels but my mom end up becoming a demon while she was pregnant with me. Get the picture now.

So I'm half angel and half demon. Cool huh, not really.

If you know anything about heaven and hell they don't like anything that they think might overpower them and that were I come in. You see I was seen as a threat to their power.

I think you might be getting the picture I think.

My parents hide my very existence so I would be safe. Of course any parent hided there kid from danger everyone know that. But how do you hid a kid from a god who can see everything. It's not easy let me tell you. Let's just say god was too busy with what was going in his garden. Untill my parents were found out to be in a relationship.

While I was in hiding I never saw but one of my parents at a time it was safer that way.

So I never went out into the garden you ask. Well you see I did go out to the garden and I made a couple of friends who mean the world to me. If you can call them friends. Maybe they are I'm not sure.

The first I met was a snake. He was in one of the trees. I went up to the snake and pet his head. That right I was not scared at all that the snake might bit me. I never need to be scared at any of the animals in the garden they were all really nice to me.

This snake had beautiful eyes and was so cool looking. He even talked to me. Yep, animals can talk in the garden but then again it might been that I could talk to them I don't know.

"What are you doing here? Who are you?" The snake ask me.

"I live here this only place I know. I don't who am, I don't even have a name you see. I just know I like you and that all I know." I told the snake.

"I see." Said the snake.

After that I would come see my snake friend ever now and then but one day he disappeared. I couldn't find him anywhere but I did found someone else.

An angle was standing by the tree that snake would be in when I came to see him. He look nice and maybe he knew where my snake friend was but I couldn't let him see me or anyone see who I really was so I had to change my appearance into something that was not out of place. I turn myself into a fox.

"Well, hello there little fellow." The angel saided to me.

I growled at him. "I'm a girl not a boy." I informed him.

"Sorry, about that you all look the same so it hard to tell. What a minute did you just speak to me?" He said as he was take aback by a fox talking to him.

"Yes, is that weird that I can talk?" I ask him as I sat next to him.

"Well, it can be sometime but you might be special. So why are you here?" He ask me.

"I'm looking for my snake friend he gone and I can't find him anywhere. Do you know were he is?" I ask him.

"Sorry my dear I don't where he is. You'll found him one day I bet so don't give up." He told me.

Since that day I would go to the tree and talk to the angle. That was untill a thing happen you know what the thing I'm talking about.

On that day is the day my parents die. My dad was with me that day. He had two piece of fruit from one of the trees from the garden. The fruit were the tree the I meet my friends at to talk to them. I didn't know what was going on. He told me to take the fruit and run. This is the last time I would ever see my dad ever again.

I run untill I found another cave to hide in. I ate both of the fruit. I decided the best way for me to survive was to become a fox and that what I did.

The garden was no more, my parents were gone, and friends were no were to be seen. The truth was I was now alone. I thought I would stay alone for eternity.

I was so wrong. You see life funny that way when you think your life will be one way it never stays that way. I did change onto turn my human form sometime. Just looking for the for the best way to survive.

On that note I have many form but I mostly use 5 forms. Forms one: my real form which just my white and black wings along with my actual eyes that are silver in color and look more like cats eyes then human ones.

Form 2: a fox with reddish blond fur coat and a fluffy tail. The form that I'm in most of the time. I usually only change out of this form if it's foxes mating season.

Form 3: swan is a form I don't really use but I love going to a pond or lake and changing into my swan form and going for swim and there also the flying of course I can't forget that. It's the best feeling in the world flying on one own wings. Better then going to some airport and jumping on a plane that for sure.

Form 4: snake form is a form I rarely used. It's not that I hate been in this form not at all but a white opal color snake with silver eyes doesn't seem like very good camouflage does it. Beautiful yes great for surviving nope.

Form 5: my last form is my human one of course. My human form has reddish blonde hair, bright blue normal looking eyes, and freckles lots of freckles. The only thing I change about this form is that fact of look like a man or a woman. I only been a man when it was easier for me to find work. Oh yeah I don't date. The companies great but the rest of it I can do without thank you very much. I do try to save as much money as I can it better to have some stashed away just in case. So I lots of mony in alots of banks. In truth I probably couldn't spend it all even if I tried.

I readed lots of books. Love stories, Mysteries, fun stories, and stories about different cultures. You never know where you'll end up. It helps to brush up on a local customs so you can blend in. My favorite stories are The Swan Princess and The Ugly Duckling.

I have one tiny problem two actually. My accent and my charisma. The more I stay at one place more my accent begins to adapt once it does it hard to change it. Then there my charisma, it make thing easy sometime and harder other times. Like I said I'm not interesting in dating. I mean I trying to stay under Heaven and Hell radar here. I also don't stay in one place long enough for that sort of thing.

One day I went to a theater in London since those were now becoming popular to watch a new play by a new guy call William Shakespeare. The play was call Hamlet.

I watch the play and noticed two men in the front, one look like just like the angle I met in the garden many centuries ago. The other guy he was with I didn't know.

They were watching play too. They were whispering to each other. What I didn't know what they were talk about since I was to far away to hear untill I hear the guy who look like my angel friend try to cheer on Hamlet. I think he was ask what his friend thought about the play because he then told them that the guy I didn't know was not his friend. I just roll my eyes at this.

Why are you talking to him if he not your friend. You seem like you know him. I left the theater and became a fox again.

I don't like deal with people. Humans have too much of a ego sometime. I went back to been in my human form once again. Why you ask me because sometime I'm too curious for my own good. Sometime I like to eat food even though I don't need to, listening to music is always good, looking for a good book, or just see how the world changes. I never need a reason to be either in my human form or my fox form.

And so the world changes from one century to the next. New thing pop up everwhere citys, cars, tvs, and phones.

Yes, I have a smart phone who doesn't these days.

I was in my human form. I been in my human form for awhile now. I just try to survive so I had to adapt to my surroundings.

One day I took a walk in St James's Park. I very fond of this park. It has a pond to bad it's duck pound. Duck can be such bullies. I was walking to the pond when I noticed I was being followed by some guy. Great, this is not what I need today. Oh by the way I decided to make my human form a woman from now on. I was try to lose the guy who was following me but I couldn't shake him.

"Damn!" I said under my breath.

I need to stop guy from following me. If I couldn't shake him the next best thing to do was to find some people to talk to which work most of the time.

I saw two guys setting on a bench feeding the ducks. Perfect, just what I needed to get this stalker to leave.

One guy setting on the bench had white hair and his friend had dark hair. I walk along the pond and wave at them.

"Hi guys, fancy meeting..."

I didn't get finish this sentence because I didn't know where I was going and was too close to the pond. I slipped and fell right into the water. I was now wet from head to toe. I looked at my stalker to white who seem to be worry if I was ok but dark just look at me like he was thinking how much more stupider can this girl get. I blushed at this and looked away.

The stalker and white seem to be getting ready to come to my rescue but stop because dark had beat them to it. He stood in fornt of me offering his hand to help me up.

"Here let me help you miss." He offered.

I give him my hand and he pull me helping me up but as soon as I was up on my feet dark took this opportunity just to sweep me off my feet and carry me out of the water and to the closest bench.

I held on to dark as he carry me. I saw my stalker was not happy and stormed off.

"You need to be more careful miss." Dark warned me.

"Ok." I manage to get out.

My attention was now on dark. He was hot, like male supermodel hot! He was tall, strong, and wore very stylish clothing which I bet now needed to be taken to the dry cleaners which I was probably end up paying for.

I try keep myself from look at him. It didn't stop me from smelling his cologne which smell really good. I held on tighter to him. My chest begin to tighten as well. I started to think happily that I wouldn't mean if dark never put me down.

Before I knew it I was setting on the bench. White came to see if I was hurt. Dark bend down and gently took my high heel boot off. He move up the pants leg of my jeans and took a look at my left ankle.

"She did a great job of twisting her ankle." Dark told white.

"Look really bad, don't worry my dear we take to the hospitals. You poor thing, you're shaking! Crowley give me your jacket so she can warm up." White said worryingly.

"No." Crowley said angrily. "We are not take her the hospitals. I'm not letting her set a foot in my Bentley so you can forget about it Aziraphale. If you want to help her get on your phone and call for someone else to help her."

"But she hurt, wet, and cold. I'm not going to just stand by and wait for someone else to help her. Look now you are scaring her. Don't worry miss Corwley may look all mean and scary but deep he just a big soft teddy bear." Aziraphale said try to reassuring me by patting my shouder.

Crowley shot him a look of pure anger. If looks could kill this one would have.

"Fine!" Said Crowley angrily. "Here, wear my jacket. I'm going to pick you up and carry you to the car ok?"

I nodded that I understood.

Once again Crowley pick me gently and carry me to his car. I rested my head on his chast has his cologne hit my nose again. I was started to having weird feeling. I was warm, safe, and happy in his arms. Yes, there were alarm Bells screaming in my head but I didn't care.

Aziraphale open the car door so Crowley could sit me down in the front seat of the car. Aziraphale got in the back seat and Corwley got into the driver side.

Crowley's driving can be described like he was in a car chase like in the movies. He was going 90 miles per hour which I knew wasn't speed limit in central London. I thought I was going to die on the way to the hospitals.

Thank to Crowley driving we got to the hospitals in no time. Crowley park the Bentley as close to the hospital entrance that he could get. He got out of the and came to my side and open the door.

"Put the jacket on and put your arms around my neck." Cowley said as he getting ready to pick me up again.

I did as I was told.

"That a good kitty." Crowley teased me.

"Just to let you know this kitty got claws! I might scratch you." I teased him back.

He stop and put his face close to mine.

"I wouldn't mind some scratching and bitting a little later after this if you catch my drift my little sex kitten." Crowley whisper teasley in my ear.

I turn bright red and try to hide my face.

"Damn you to hell!" I mumbled.

"No thank you, been there not a fan." Crowley mumbled.

Oops guess he heard me. Damn I need to work on my teasing game. Wait, what am I saying!

Been carry by Crowley I could tell that had he great body. Oh my god, I just want to shut my mind off. If you were thinking my imagination was running away with me with thoughts I dare not mention you would be right. I wish I wasn't immortal because I just wanted to die.

And Crowley was enjoying evey minute of torturing me.

We found a seating area and Crowley sat me in a chair. Aziraphale went up to the fornt desk to tell a nurse about my twisted ankle. Crowley set next to me. There a noise as my stomach rumbled.

"Are you hungry? I can get a treat as long you keep been a good kitty." Said Crowley enjoy this a bit too much for my taste.

"I'm little hungry but I can wait you needn't worry about me." Told him as I looked round the rest area so I didn't have to look at his face anymore.

This first time someone was make me hissing mad. I wish he just stop.

Crowley walk off and disappeared for a while. Aziraphale sat down on the chair on the other of me.

"We might be here awhile. Were did Crowley go?" Aziraphale wondered.

"I don't know and I don't care." I said as I folded my arms in front of me.

"I'm guessing Crowley been have some fun picking on you. I can tell him to stop if it annoys you." Said Aziraphale.

"No, that ok."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep, I'll just ignore him when he tries to pick on me again." I told Aziraphale and give him smile.

Aziraphale didn't seem so sure about it

Crowley finally came back and sit down next to me.

"Here!" Crowley drop a bag in my lap.

I opened the bag and inside was a sandwich, a bag of crisps, a couple of candy bar, and a coke.

"You didn't have to but thank you Crowley." I said happily.

I guess he really can be a nice guy not just a jerk.

"Well, later we can just ask the vet what kind food our little kitty should eat." Crowley tease me again.

"Crowley, I think that enough teasing her." Aziraphale told him.

"Here I through there hope for you become a better man but I guess even I can be wrong." I tease Crowley.

"You not helping yourself my dear. You might want to stop egging him on." Aziraphale try to warned me.

"Sorry I can't be a better man but maybe later you can find out what I really am." Crowley patting my head as he said this. "And since you're been such a good kitty we'll go buy you a catnip mouse. What do you think Aziraphale?"

"I think you two are out of your minds." Azriphale took out his phone and started to ignore us.

I ate the food Crowley gave me and hug Crowley jacket closer to myself.

I guess Crowley through I was getting cold because he put a arm around me and pull me closer to him to warm me up. I was almost in his lap. I smell his cologne again and I put head on his shouder. The smell of Crowley cologne seem to make me relax and I fell sleep. By the way I don't need to sleep but I do fine it help me to distress and cleared my mind. So I do sleep from time to time. Same with eating since I don't need to.

"Come on wake up, or do you want me to wake you with a kiss like in that stupid fairy tale." Crowley whispered in my ear.

" Eww, no thank you." I was grossed out at the thought of Crowley kissing me.

"You two stop that." Aziraphale warned us to behave ourselves.

A nurse came up to us with a wheelchair for me.

"Get in and I will wheel you to an examining room miss." The nurse said.

Crowley pick me up and put me in the wheelchair. The nurse wheel into a examininh room. The doctor came a few minutes later and examine my angle. Told me what all doctor will tell you about a twisted ankle. Stay off of it for a few days and let it rest. Also put some ice on it.

I was wheel back to rest area after I paid the bill.

Crowley and Aziraphale were waitting for me.

"Doctor told me to stay off my ankle for a few days." I told them.

"Tell us were you live and we will take you home." Asked Aziraphale.

I look down sadly. I must have worry Crowley a bit too.

"You don't have a home do you?" Asked Crowley.

"What?!" Aziraphale was shocked.

"I had a flat I share with a flatmate. My flatmate was a guy and he kick me out because I wouldn't go out with him." I told them. "But it ok I can alway stay at a hotel untill I fine another flat no big deal."

I try to get up out the wheelchair but Crowley stop me before Aziraphale could get to me. He pick me up out wheelchair.

"Hey, put down I can walk on my own you know." I told him.

"Stop, bad kitty! Stop acting so proud. You are staying at my place and I'm not take no for answer." Crowley yell at me.

Aziraphale look at me sadly. I couldn't get any words to come out. Why is Crowley been nice to me? I didn't trust anyone. I been alone for so long. Part of me want to trust them. I guess even I in my long immortal life get lonely.