#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.

[deoidesign]

.

[threenorth]

The cards tonight hit a little to close to home.

And they said some real tough things that I'll need to ponder about.

I hope your doing okay, I hope soup is doing well seeing in my mind he's still playing with tampons hopefully not getting strings down his tummy again.

I'd say I miss your tiktoks, the funny mm to the b, the whimsical side of you being you.

I watched this funny meme of cars

Sorry it's hard to juggle all my responsibilities at least I'm getting my focus back, I think it's the meds that caused my side effect but to make sure I had a "safe* dinner(fake chicken tenders and a colsaw without mayo on spinach wraps pretty dull tbh) I won't have breakfast tomorrow.. Or the oats but maybe some peanut butter toast, incase it was to much cocoa powder and then wait to see if it happens again.. And to be safe maybe it was my mega coffee or the amount of orange juice I've had the past few days being more acidic, I don't really know but it's the most common side effect but it's been a few days and it's supposed to take a few weeks to kick in? but whatever it was shit that was scary for a few minutes...

While my computer has issues, I haven't had a chance to sort out one of my personal projects it's getting there slowly but needs a little more cash then I can afford right now, it's supposed to be like a private Netflix with my favorite movies or TV shows.

I'll get my pc what I think it's faulty the part looked at next Saturday on warnety hopefully, but it's hard to relax and have me time, and then have to do an MBA... I tell myself it's only a few more months and hopefully I'll never have to see accounting or economics again 😂

Looking forward to goverance and corporate strategy those are probably my favorite cutting red tape and making distrubion is what I want to do with my life outside corporate life but tech startups and oh yes... Movie scripts when my adhd actually let's me try focus on something.

Trying to get a draft soundtrack as well is impossible to be perfect like... Juno, 500 days of summer,little miss sunshine, garden state, Forrest Gump.

Or even how a song ties in to the story, like perks of being a wallflower.

I'm trying to also think about a movie about where a character meditates so I can get an excuse to research some different topics on Wikipedia, I don't know if you saw maybe I shared but I got some books from the Hari chishnas.

I think I said I'm working part time Monday to Wednesday for a month already? If I didn't I reduced some hours to try work on my mental health and it's been good so far until yesterday when I came off lorzopam whitch I expected given what the psych said but tonight I'm gonna try sleep without quintinpin but I'm not sure if I'm getting a deep enough sleep might need to investigate my birthday present to myself this year might have to be a high end Garmin, with topo maps incase we go out in the middle of nowhere.

Thursday I'm seeing my dietain, and I'll tell her I'm gaining weight again now my mind is quiter then it was but I need to work on protein shakes In between my meals still.

This Friday I'm seeing my ent hopefully to get the all clear from my nose surgery seems it's better than ever like night and day almost at the gym and my Allgeries in this damn house that was getting me sick.

Goodnight from me, you'll be awake soon, drink some water or green tea, I really need to drink more matcha maybe tomorrow I'll try it after these meds issues in the evening and add some of my almoulmd milk I'm supposed be drinking 3 liters a week of.

I hope to see you in my dreams again, this time can you put some subtlites on your elvish.

Yours

Xoxo

R

P.S

This 9th anniversary, I suppose I've been thinking about parts of you within my memory and how some things remind me of you, in different voids of memory, or just in nature...

The hot water pools warm as her soul, the mountains as beautiful as her mind, her bumps and curves like clifs and ridges.

between her eyes, those hazel eyes I can see galaxies to my world just wish I spent more time staring into them.

I see it in my morning crema if I try hard enough, Maybe soon I'll be able to day dream into her soul asmuch I think about her long blonde hair, bright as the and long and tall as sunflowers on the interstate invewtteen where I am and where I'm headed.

her long legs like the redwoods of California tall and magestic, she is like a Michigan sunset in all her colours.

Her an hugs as warm as all my blankets during winter, and her kiss as sweet as Ramune, her hands feeling electric like a bolt of lightning to recharge my soul.

It's raining, and I can hear the flowers thankful for their nutrition, as I use to call out in my sorrow in my past, I now I'm greatful to grow again hearing her in the clouds creating music for all those who know how to listen to it.

(I've tried a few different endings but they all felt shit so this was the least shitty one)

In the fragile fragments of my memory where I can smell memories like a fragrance, of the flowers she planted in my mind. Her beauty is there, and here.