#I'm a nuisance and a failure and she's bound to move on and leave me behind
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I feel so alone
#i feel empty and barren and desolate and lonely#so lonely#I am isolated and deserted and I have only myself to blame#always pushing people away#my best friend (my only true friend) is slowly walking away from me and it's my own fault#she's the only person I can and want to talk to and she's the only one in my life who even TRIES to understand me#even when I don't understand myself#she's the person in the world that knows me the best but even she doesn't know the true me#if she did she'd hate me. she'd despise me#I am chidish and egotistical and mean and jealous and selfish#I know this is most likely the mean voice in my mind talking but I just know she's gonna leave me very soon#it has been a long time coming#she's going through a very hard time herself#so it's just not fair for me to be so dependent on her for my well-being whe she's struggling so much#I've been very selfish#relying on her so much while she's dealing with her own pain#I'm a burden at this point#everyone is growing and moving forward and i'm just stuck in the same place unable to move#I'm a nuisance and a failure and she's bound to move on and leave me behind#meanwhile I'm just lying in my bed crying and throwing a pity party for myself#I'm afraid she's only sticking by me because she feels obligated to or because she's just used to having me around#or because she pitties me#I guess i'm just... mourning a friendship I don't think I can salvage anymore#soon i'll have no one#it hurts
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