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baeklination · 3 years

Text

bartender love pt.3

Date:210611

Warnings: ANGST, mental health (unnamed) , unease about sex (not very detailed or long), g.e.l.

Pairing: Kyungsoo x F.Reader

WC: 6,2k

NOTE: I know... But, save for a 1 week break, I'm gonna try to stick with this one.

pt.1 pt.2 Masterlist

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Going on three months you and Kyungsoo still had as much fervor for one another as in the beginning, only now it was cemented by a comfortable knowing of each other; you knew it could take him hours to reply to a text, but it’d be something sweet when he did; he knew you could seem a bit blasé when he asked you to come over, but you’d be as happy about seeing him as ever. There had really only been one thing that had bothered you (save his underwhelming cooking skills). You’d told yourself that it wasn’t a big deal, yet it kept playing in your mind, that time, a few days ago when he woke you up in the middle of the night:

You woke up by him kissing your shoulder and stroking your breasts, waist and legs. Sluggishly turning around, he was on top of you just as you opened your eyes, continuing with the kisses.

“Shit, Kyung, slow down, I’m not even awake yet”, you said, not minding his actions, but rather his pace.

“You’re plenty awake, Y/N”, he said excitedly, making you chuckle. “You’re not wet yet.”

You weren’t a stranger to the saliva solution, but up until now it’d been reserved for the quickies - the bathroom at a party, a dark alley, the laundry room - so for him to spit in his hand and use it as lube instead of waiting caught you off guard.

“I’ve been awake for an hour thinking about fucking you”, he breathed in your ear as he pressed himself in. “Shh, shh, relax…”, he prompted when he felt how tense you were.

“I haven’t been up an hour, Kyung…”

“You’re right, sorry”, he said and pulled out a bit. “I have to be careful with my precious baby.”

“What..?”

“Well you are...”, he cooed, while kissing you “...my baby.”

“I’m not a baby.”

“Oh, really...?”

He started moving his hips slowly, feeling much less resistance than before.

“Then why do you like it so much?”

The sex was great, per usual, but how it started out had left you feeling...something. You hadn’t even told Iseul about it. If it happened again you would. But since then he’d been the same cute and caring guy you’d come to know him as. Sitting at the end of the bar, waiting for his shift to end you smiled to yourself at the girls batting their eyelashes at him “Damn, you having a seizure or summin’?”

Your phone buzzed - there was a text message from him: “Can I kiss you in 5 seconds?” You looked up to see him counting down with his fingers, taking big steps towards you. When he reached zero you nodded.

“You may.”

He held up a menu, blocking the view to the rest of the room:

“Privacy screen”, he smiled before pressing those plush lips against yours.

Walking home together, there was a chill in the air not usual for this time of year, and seeing you shiver Kyungsoo put his jacket over your shoulders.

"Did you see that in a movie and think that's a great move, gotta try it?", you teased him, laughing all the while.

"What! I was being a gentleman..!"

"Alright…", you held your hands up in defeat. "I guess there's a first time for everything."

"You're such a..!", he exclaimed, pulling you in by your shoulder and giving you a kiss on the head.

There are two things - opposites really - you love about being as close with Kyungsoo as you are. One is being able to have hour-long conversations about miscellaneous issues, like narwhals and the making of milk cartons; the other is being silent, like now.

If you could only choose one, holding hands would win, but having your arm around his waist, your hand just under his t-shirt to feel his warm skin isn't bad either.

"Hey, do you think I could walk the whole way there?", he asked, pointing his finger when you came to the bridge.

"What, the railing?"

"Mm-hm."

"Technically… If you're not afraid of heights."

"I'm not. So you think I can?"

"Can? No, I don't think you can, 'cus only an idiot would try to."

"Am I?", he asked with a mischievous smile that made your throat tight.

"Stop it, Kyung."

"Wanna bet? Ten bucks says I can."

"Are you serious? No. No, I don't wanna bet, I wanna cross the bridge on the ground like normal people."

"Guess I'm not normal then", he said and jogged to the railing.

"Jesus Christ, can you just stop fucking around..."

You were sure he was yanking your chain, but when he started heaving himself up on the ledge you realised he was going to try.

"Ta-da..!", he said triumphantly, stretching his arms out. "It's barely five metres down, I wouldn't die if I fell in."

His stupidity didn't just scare you - it angered you - but you didn't want to shout at him while he was up there.

"It's not the fall that kills you, it's the undercurrent."

"I guess that's what it'll say on my tombstone", he laughed as he started walking. "It was the undercurrent…"

"Can you just get down?", you pleaded, feeling a burning behind your eyes. "Please. You're scaring me, Kyung. Kyung!"

When he didn't say anything is when you'd had enough.

"Fine! I guess you are a fucking idiot", you hissed, picking up the pace to leave him behind. "Here's your fucking jacket", you continued, throwing it on the ground.

"Come on, Y/N..!", Kyungsoo chuckled. "You're cute when you're mad."

His whole demeanour baffled you. He'd always had a carefree up-for-anything attitude to things, but he was never outright stupid. And the fact that he wouldn't come down when you asked when his soft nature had always been his strongest trait… There was a clank followed by a yelp from Kyungsoo - your stomach turned to a vacuum, heart in your throat, as you spun around, ready to hear the splash of him hitting the water.

But there he sat, swinging his legs on either side of the railing. He burst out laughing.

"You should see your face..!" He jumped down and clapped his hands, still laughing. "You thought I went over, right..!"

Still reeling from the shock of thinking he had fallen, his mockery sent you into a rage - now you had half a mind to shove Kyungsoo off the goddamn ledge yourself.

"What the fuck's wrong with you?!", you screamed at the top of your lungs, barely recognizing your own voice.

"Jeez, calm down, babe", he snorted and put his arms up to pull you in.

"Fucking idiot", you spat at him and shoved him in the chest.

"Stop being such a rabbit”, he frowned and tried again. “I-”

“Don’t fucking touch me”, you warned him and swatted his hand away.

“Jeez... Okay, I’m sorry, alright? Let’s just go home. I bet you’ll forget all about it once we’re in bed...”

You were flabbergasted.

“Yeah, well that’s another dumb bet you’ll loose. You’re not coming with me.”

“Come on, Y/N-”

“Leave it.”

He looked at you for a moment then lifted his hands in defeat.

“Alright…” When he turned to get his jacket he chuckled. “Fucking downer…”

You didn’t want to talk to Kyungsoo during the following two days. Ironically though, not hearing from him had stressed you out all the more. Going from is he angry with me now to what if he went up on the railing again and fell? You didn’t believe any of those things, but it didn’t stop them from picking away at your mind. That you hadn’t spoken to Iseul about it probably hadn’t helped - this is exactly the type of situation one needs friend therapy for. You didn’t want to admit it to yourself, but you were embarrassed, without even knowing what about; it’s not as if she thought he was perfect - or better yet - that everyday of her relationship with Tony had been a Hallmark card. Was it because you had gone on and on and on about him only to now think that maybe you don’t know Kyungsoo that well at all? Whatever it was you trusted she’d sort it out for you as you poured her a glass.

“Damn, white wine… What happened?”

“Aeh...nothing”, you sighed and grimaced.

“Sceptical Iseul is not convinced…”

“Of course she isn’t. I don’t wanna have to tell you - but I want you to know...”

“Kyung..?”

“Yeah”, you nodded and frowned. “Fuck it.”

So you told her what had happened on the bridge, start to finish, not trying to make yourself out as having been sweet and sensible; if anything, you sugarcoated Kyungsoo’s behaviour, so she wouldn’t hold it against him in the future.

Iseul pursed her lips and knitted her brows.

"Hm… Is it that bad, though?"

"Agh..! You don't think so?"

"He was an idiot, for sure, and I get why you're angry, but I thought you were gonna tell me something major. You know how guys, not even guys - people - are. Out of the blue they do some weird shit", she said, shrugging her shoulders. "Or are you seriously thinking of ending it over this..?"

You had a knot in your stomach. You knew you had to tell her about when he'd woken you up.

"No. But I'm worried it might be a part of something else, his true self or something …", you sighed, making byunny ears. "The other night. He…" You paused, trying to find a segway in. "I don't know, he…"

Iseul's eyes narrowed as she leaned slightly forward.

"Did something...", you said, fidgeting with the seam of your trousers.

She put her glass down and looked you dead in the eye, her chest rising high with nervousness.

"What do you mean "he did something"?"

"Listen. I didn't think it was a big deal when it happened, so I didn't tell him."

"Okay…"

"I mean, it's not like I brought it up to him and he's had a chance to explain himself - it. It's been sitting uneasily on my mind, is all, alright?"

"You're making me uneasy. Just tell me."

If you said it out loud it would be fact and real, instead of your bothersome secret.

"Agh! Okay", you sighed loudly. "He woke me up the other night, last week, wanted to have sex. But you know how you are when you wake up like that, you need a minute to understand that you're even up, right? And if your head needs a minute…", you trailed off, raising your brows demonstratively.

"Your body needs two", Iseul filled in. "Yeah, course."

"But he didn't...care? He just spat and tried to do it anyway-"

"Wait", she said, and went still. "Are you telling me that he-"

"No. NO", you said sternly, grabbing her wrists. "NOT THAT. I swear. God, Jesus, the saints, it wasn't like that, Is. It was just...", you shook your head, yourself still not being able to put words nor feelings to it properly. “It was…”

“Not right..?”

“Yeah. It was just not right. But he didn’t like...force it, when I told him to slow down. It was normal after that, so I don’t know… Do you get why I’m- no wait. He called me baby.”

“He always says that to you, doesn’t he?”

“No, it was more like that.”

“Like daddy baby?”

“Yeah. He’s never done that. Maybe he’s wanted to, but didn’t know how to ask, but with the whole thing and now this...fucking bridge thing…”

“I think you should talk to him about it, all of it. What? What’s with the face?”

“I thought you were gonna fly off the handles when I told you. You know how nervous I’ve been..!”

“Few years ago I prolly would have…”, she smiled, and took her first sip in a long time.

“Ah, Tony calmed you down?”

“More like Tony taught me people are allowed some fuck-ups… Not just him, me too. Things can snowball so fast. If we hadn’t started talking - or listening - we wouldn’t have made it. ‘Cus...you don’t wanna break up- wait! You’re not officially a couple are you..!”

“No, we're not, Mrs Tony. And no, I don’t.”

“Well, then it’s simple, if not easy. There might be something going on with him that he’s not saying, you know. If you manage to get your foot in the door maybe he’ll let you in, hun.”

“Ah..! Now you made me wanna call him now, forgive and have sunsets and roses..!”, you wailed.

“Fuck that. He apologizes first, you hear?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be angry again in an hour. Thanks.”

“Before we go all sunset… If you ever feel not comfortable with sex, don’t do it.”

“I know.”

“No, I’m serious. Trying new things, you do for him, he does for you, sure. But never do it so he won’t be in a pissy mood, or whatever. That shit will fuck with your selfworth so bad you don’t even know...“

“Mm… I guess I just don’t know how to broach the subject…”

“Do you trust him? Apart from being mad at the moment?”

“Yeah. Yes.”

“Then start with some Dr. Phil shit “Kyungsoo, I trust and lo-”. Iseul stopped mid-sentence and looked at you with glittering eyes. “Do you love him?”

“Go on with your Dr. Phil.”

“Do you? Come on, you do..!”

“Go. On”, you said, trying to be stern, but breaking into a smile.

“Kyungsoo, I trust and may love-”

“Oh, shut up, Is..!”, you hollered. “See, this is why I always regret telling you things…”

“You didn’t even tell me anything”, Iseul affirmed innocently, putting her hands up.

“Yaic… Give me the damn bottle, and let’s talk about something else.”

“Cheers to that. Let’s leave anger behind. Let’s talk about…”, she giggled, and you knew precisely what was coming “...loooove.”

Iseul was your best friend in everything.

Another two days passed and as predicted, your anger came back. As you lay down to sleep after your shift, the day just getting started with a pale blue on the horizon, you continued the three-stop circle you'd been on for a few hours: blazing irritation, want, anxiousness. You grabbed your phone and open the inbox to read the text for the umpteenth time:

"I MISS YOU! COME DOWN, I'M WORKING!"

Your heart had skipped a few beats when you read the first part, but went stone cold when you read the rest. Or rather; when you didn't read what you should have - an apology. Incensed is the perfect way to put it, and of course you hadn't done yourself any favours by going over it again and again, in a sense deciding what Kyungsoo was thinking (that there was nothing to apologise for) instead of sticking with the facts (he said he misses you and wants to see you). That part is what had you feeling restless, thinking maybe you shouldn't have ignored him; even seeing his missed call you could've texted him to let him know you were at work. But then again, why should you? Why should you come running as soon as he snaps his fingers - especially after all this time without a beep from him? And that's how you went until you dozed off.

You couldn’t tell how long you’d slept, but judging by the dark shadows still stretching out from the corners of your room it wasn’t very long. You looked around, ears pointed, to figure out what had awoken you.

“Y/N..!”

It was coming from outside. Throwing your covers to the side you got up and peeked out through the curtains. Sitting on the grass below your apartment was Kyungsoo.

“For fucks sake…”, you swore under your breath as you opened the window. “What!?”, you hissed.

“Y/N..!”

When he got to his feet and brushed himself off he stumbled: he was - as they say - as drunk as a skunk. As if your patience wasn’t already wearing thin he continued shouting.

“Open the door..! I miss-”

“Shh! People are trying to sleep..!”

“So let me in!”

If not for anything else than to make sure your neighbours didn’t call the cops on you, you hurried down the stairs and let him in.

The sweet smell of alcohol surrounding him nauseated you, so you kept your distance as he was kicking off his shoes in the hallway.

“Why didn’t you go home?”

“I wanted to see you. Why didn’t you come down to the bar?”

There’s no point in arguing with an intoxicated person, so you gave work as your excuse.

“I was working too, but I still made time for you”, he said like a little know-it-all, bobbing his head, squinting with one eye.

“How much did you drink, Kyung? Henki isn’t even open this late…”

“Not enough. We went to Andrew’s place.” He paused to swallow a burp. “And then I missed you, so now I’m here..!”

“Dandy… Well, I just got back, I have to sleep”, you said and went back to your bedroom.

“Does that mean no sex?”

You bit your tongue, careful not to give him the earful you so desperately wanted to.

“Mm-hm…”

“That’s okay”, he said and slumped down on the bed. “We’ll be sexless from- oh, shit!”

They way he hurried out the door you knew what was coming - literally. Luckily you heard the lid smack open before the retching. You were annoyed as hell that he’d come over, and the sounds coming from the bathroom made you cringe - but it also made you feel sorry for him, and remember what Iseul had said about patience.

“Where’s my…”, he groaned, then stopped to spit.“Where’s my toothbrush..?”

He looked so pitiful where you found him, sat grimacing on the floor.

“Are you sure you’re done?”

“Yes”, he nodded with his eyes closed. “I just wanna go to bed.”

“Here”, you said, holding out his toothbrush, pasted and ready.

His eyes had become glossy, making him look almost like a seal when he looked up at you. You sat down with him as he brushed his teeth and felt the ice thaw.

A bit more lucid, but tired and somewhat slurring his words he crawled under the covers.

"I'm so glad you're not still mad."

"I am", you sighed tiredly.

He stopped mid-motion of putting his arm around you, letting it rest on your hip instead.

"Why'd you let me in?"

"The cops..?"

"Don't be mad at me, Y/N", he whined. “Please…”

"I won't be", you replied and pulled his arm up around you.

The sweet vapors of drink still surrounded him, but the feeling of his body enveloping you one-upped them. When you're used to sleeping with someone's chest on your back, being without is like going without a safety blanket. The scolding could wait til the morning.

Getting over a fight, finally seeing each other, has a way of shining the brightest light on things, making them new. As you lay listening to Kyungsoo’s breathing, his stuffy nose irregularly whistling, all traces of anger seemed to have vanished. That is not to say the issue had, but you thought the best course would be to actually talk, not berate.

When you started tracing the lettering on his back his shoulder blades pushed together as if it tickled.

“Good morning. Day”, you said and scooted closer.

To your disappointment - albeit not total surprise - he pulled the covers over his head when you put your arm around his waist. Not what you were hoping for after so many days apart.

“Did the nightly prince turn into a hungover frog?”, you snickered. “Hey”, you said in a softer voice, but you could see the silhouette of his hand moving up to his head. “I’ll get you something for your head and make some broth. You need something in your stomach.”

You’d been there a few times yourself; headache so bad you think you’ll never be able to stand on your feet again and nausea so bad you feel you never want to eat again. One fed the other, so starting off with the soup from insta-noodles was perfect - it could be downed in a few mouthfuls and it restored your salt levels. In an hour or two he’d manage to get some fruits and coffee down.

But when you went back to see if he was ready for more you found he hadn’t even finished half of it, seemingly swallowed the pills and rolled around to your side of the bed. You opened the window a bit, hoping the fresh air would make him feel better, before kneeling down by the bed. His hand was peeking out so you held it lightly.

“I put some coffee and nectarines on the table here”, you whispered. “I know you feel sick, but you’ll feel better if you eat. I’m working tonight, and going over to Is in a few hours. You can stay, but I’d worry less if you got a little better before I leave, Kyung.”

When he didn’t say anything you sighed in compassion, kissed him on the hand and let him rest.

He hadn’t eaten anything before you left - nor responded to any of your texts or calls from work - so it was with pity, worry, and determination to get him to eat you opened the door. It was dark in the hallway with only a faint light coming through from the living room window. It wasn’t without some despondency, not having spent actual time with him, you flicked on the lights and looked at the floor to see if he had dropped your spare key through the mail drop like you said. Not seeing it you got a little excited - had he kept it, claimed it, as his?; did that mean you would be getting one in return next time?

When you took your shoes off, you realised that the chill you’d felt on your body and chucked down to you being tired, extended to the floor - it was freezing cold. The radiator was warm to the touch.

“Kyung…”, you sighed.

Guessing he must’ve forgotten to close the window, the thought of laying down in the iced bed made you groan as you turned the corner and braced yourself to go in. The door was closed. He can’t still be here, you frowned. The temperature drop gave you goosebumps in a second and seeing Kyungsoo did nothing to warm you up; exactly as you had left him, there he lay.

“Jesus, Kyung, it’s freezing in here”, you exclaimed, and hurried to close the window.

When you turned on the lamp on the nightstand you saw he hadn’t taken a bite or sip.

“Haven’t you be-”

You stopped dead in your tracks when you saw the look of him. He had the covers pulled up to his eyes, but you could see clear as day that he was drained; his skin had an almost greyish hue to it and his eyes were tired, zoned out.

“What’s the matter?”, you asked, putting your hand on his forehead to see if he was running a fever. He shrunk away from it and turned, making you all the more worried. “Hey…”

You tried soothing him by caressing his back, but he curled his shoulders with dislike and grunted something sounding like “no”, or maybe “don’t”. Realising it was the same thing he'd done in the morning you got worried - scared - for real, thinking this wasn't just some metaphysical hangover. What do I do? Call the emergency services? Loey. What if he doesn't want me to? Shit. Call Loey. You sat motionless, staring at his back for what seemed like an eternity. You wanted so badly to touch him, to hug him, but it obviously made him feel worse. Why… Gathering courage you went to find his trousers, feeling the pockets for his phone.

"Kyung… I'm gonna call Loey. I… Can you tell me if you don't want me to?"

Perhaps it was nothing more than a slow blink, but it could’ve been an OK.

You paced back and forth in the living room, swallowing nothing from your dry mouth, as you waited on Loey to pick up. What if he didn't think it was a big deal, or understand what you were talking about, what then?

"Radio night love with Loey, what's on your mind, caller?", he answered jovially.

"Eh, hi, Lo'. It's Y/N."

"Oo?"

"Yeah, I don't know… I think something's wrong with Kyung. He's-"

"Wrong how? Are you- where are you?" The change in his tone meant he knew what this was.

"At home, he's just lying there-"

"Okay, I'm coming."

"What should I do? He hasn't even eaten in a day."

"Don't worry, I'll be there in 20. Just let him be."

You waited for Lo' on the bedroom floor; sitting out of Kyungsoo's view so he wouldn't feel watched. Having Lo' take control of the situation made you feel both better and worse: he obviously knows what to do - which means it's likely this has happened before. And will happen again. Thinking back on the past two weeks, you see it so clearly now - so fucking clearly. Did I make it worse by fighting with him? Could I have stopped it if I'd caught- the phone rang in your hand. Finally, Loey was downstairs.

"Has he been weird, hyper?", he asked, keeping you in the stairwell.

"Yeah. I thought he was just…", you throw your hands up. "Acting a little wild, having extra energy. We had a fight last week, so I hadn't seen him until last night."

The guilt of having shut him out overwhelmed you and your tears started pouring freely from your eyes. “I should’ve known something was wrong, instead of just-”

"Hey. Hey, hey…", Lo' tried to calm you down, grabbing your shoulders. "It's not your fault. If anything it’s mine, for not knowing he was lying to me...", he sighed.

“Lying..?”

“I asked him if he was off his meds last week. I should’ve fucking known he was lying, he wasn’t just in a good mood. I didn’t get back until a few hours ago so I couldn’t check either. Is he sleeping?”, he asked, and continued up the stairs.

“I don’t know…”

Off his meds?

“Can I talk to him alone?”

“Mm. I’ll…”, you trailed off, but walked towards the kitchen.

“Hi buddy…”, you heard him say in his deep, low voice before closing the door.

You could hear a faint rustling of the covers and gathered Kyungsoo was at least reacting to Loey. Thank god.

You hadn’t waited very long when Loey came back out. He sighed and tried to put on a brave face.

“We’re gonna go. I’m taking him to the hospital…”

“Oh… Can’t you take him home, give him his meds?”, you asked, feeling small and dumb.

“Not with this”, he said, pointing backwards. “He knows he has to.”

“Yeah… Of course. Um…”

“We should go…”, he said awkwardly and turned around.

“Lo’… Will he get back to normal?”

“Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll call you when we’re done, okay?”

When they came out, Kyungsoo was fully dressed. The clothes that yesterday represented a very drunk and stupid Kyungsoo were now doused in helplessness. You could see that everything was heavy for him; standing up, waiting. For a split second the haze covering his eyes was lifted and they were clear as day - for a split second you saw utter despair. You pressed your body hard against the wall to stop yourself from moving, holding your arms crossed tight.

Loey looked around the hallway, lifting up your clothes.

“His jacket..?”

“He didn’t have one”, you said, remembering how cold it was.

“Here", he said, pulling off his own sweater and dressed Kyungsoo in it. "It's bad enough without you catching a cold."

Kyungsoo seemed to let Loey do what he wanted, like a child who's done crying and tiredly agrees to everything. Selfishly, you wished he'd responded to you like that instead of being uncomfortable with your touch.

"Okay, let's go", he said and opened the door. "I'll...call you later."

Through the window you could see them getting in the car; Loey's hand reaching out to put the seatbelt on Kyungsoo. As they drove off towards the paler sky you shivered and breathed out slowly. Don't cry. You heard Lo', he's gonna be fine. Blinking your tears back down you decided there wasn't much else to do than go to bed - unless you wanted to stay up and stay worried - so you washed up and went to lie down. There was a whiff of his scent whenever you moved the covers or pillow, making it impossible to banish the thoughts completely; and so you fell asleep with a ghost in your body, clutching your phone waiting for Loey's call.

You were startled awake by the heavy guitar riffs blasting in your ears.

“Yeah…”, you grunted, still drunk with sleep.

“Shit, did I wake you? It’s Lo’.”

“No”, you said, rubbing your eyes. “I mean yes. How’d it go? How is he?”

As soon as you got your bearings, the somersaults in your stomach were back at it.

“Eh, he’s...not fine, I mean, you saw him. But at least he’s sleeping now”, he sighed, worn out not just by this night’s event, but every night like this.

“Where is he?”

You were desperately hoping Loey would say he was with him at home, but it didn’t come as a surprise when he explained Kyungsoo had been admitted to the hospital and would be staying there for some unknown amount of time. Understanding you didn’t know what - or how - to say or ask, he tried his best to put your mind at ease.

“He’ll be back, Y/N. It’s like he says, just a glitch in his matrix. He’s pretty sedated now-”

“Sedated?”, you burst out. “What do you mean? He was calm when you left..?”

“No, not sedated. It’s a side effect from the drugs he takes to avoid worse ones from his real meds. He gets tired, sleeps all the time. He’ll be up in a few days.”

“Shit, you scared me", you exhaled heavily. "Are you allowed to visit him?"

"Yeah, sure. His mum will call once he's up. You want me to go with you?"

"Should I go?"

Judging by the silence on the other end of the line, Loey was surprised at your question.

"I mean, maybe he doesn't want me to come? He never told me about this. I don't want him to be embarrassed…"

"He won't be."

"Okay, maybe not embarrassed, but like he wants to tell me himself when he's ready, you know. If he knows you've already told me-"

"He's not like that", Loey interjected. "What was he gonna say? That he just had a bad hangover, come on. He'll be happy to see you."

"You sure? What if...ai, I don't know..."

"I'll ask him when I see him, alright?"

"If he says it's okay, yeah, I'll go."

"He's not gonna dump you over it. He was gonna tell you anyway."

"He was..?"

"Of course he was. You couldn't very well get hitched without him letting you know, could he?"

"Hitched? Married? Eh, I think we're a few years away from that carnival, Lo'…", you brushed it off, but couldn't help smiling to yourself.

"That's what the kids always say… All I'm saying is he's nuts about you and I know he'd like it if you came by. Unless..?"

"Uh-uh, no. If he says yes, just you try to stop me", you said energised.

"That's the spirit, Y/N..! But one more thing…"

"What?"

"What you think of my new hair?"

You could tell he was grinning, trying to lighten up the heavy mood.

"Oh, shit. You're blonde!", you shouted, suddenly realising he'd dyed his hair. "Shit, Lo'..! It looks good."

“I wasn’t sure about it myself, but one of the other roadies convinced me to try it.”

“Did this roadie happen to be a woman, Lo’..?”

He laughed and cleared his throat.

“I’m not saying she wasn’t...”

“You two…”, you sighed and felt the absence of Kyungsoo. “You okay?”

“Me? I’m tough as nails, an iron man. Honestly, if I’m not freakin’ out, you don’t have to.”

“I guess… Yeah, you’re right. Thanks. Call when you hear something?”

“No doubt. Bye.

“Bye.”

A part of you wanted the elevator to malfunction so you’d be stuck between floors, unable to see him. Ever since waking up, the scales of excitement vs. nerves had slowly been shifting towards nerves and every time the digits on the monitor changed the buzzing in your body increased. You knew - or at least thought - that it was just a matter of getting the first awkward moments out of the way, but logic was apparently not applicable to this situation. You rubbed your sternum with your knuckles, hoping to relax the electrified lump you had in there, but as soon as the elevator pinged you knew it was no point, you’d simply have to walk in there, ready or not.

As soon as you came up to the desk a kind-faced nurse looked up from her seat. Reassurance.

“Hello..!”

“Hi. Eh, I’m here to visit someone..?”

“M-hm. Who?”

“Kyungsoo”, you answered, again somehow making it sound like a question.

“Hm, okay, let me see here”, she said, and fiddled with the computer in front of her. “Ah, here it is. 4 PM with Kyungsoo...and your name is…”

“Y/N.”

“Y/N. Yep, that’s right. Let me just see he’s not sleeping”, she said, getting up.

In a sudden onset of self consciousness you looked in the window of the entrance door to make sure you looked okay; straightening out your already straight shirt; fixing your hair that looked exactly the same as it had done. When the nurse came back down the hallway and nodded you almost liquified. But it didn’t last long, because peeking out from the room, there he was. After a quick scan his eyes found you and he smiled shyly, but widely. If there is ever a good sort of punch to the stomach, this was that. Like sitting outside when the clouds suddenly give way to the sun to warm your face. There was no way you looked normal walking, not with the way your wobbly legs felt they were gonna give out any moment. But if he noticed anything he didn’t remark on it as he shuffled inside to let you in. He stretched his arms out a little, but brought them back to his side, chuckling. He was as nervous as you were.

“Hi…”

You didn’t say anything, laughed a bit, and went to hug him. His embrace was as before: you could feel he was strong; the contours of his chest against your cheek, his arms reaching round your shoulders - but he was also gentle. The sweet-sticky smell had vanished, and you could smell him, warm Kyungsoo.

"Can I kiss you..?", he whispered.

You nodded, your head still against his chest, eyes closed.

"You better…"

He blew out a giggle through his nose and cupped your face as you turned towards him. Warm Kyungsoo. So soft you registered the way his lips were pushed down as he pressed them against yours, the tickle of his upper lip over yours. His tongue tasted exactly like it should. Too soon did he break the kiss to hug you tight.

"Ugh, I'm so glad you came…", he sighed. "Do you wanna sit outside? I've got a balcony."

"Ocean view?"

"You bet", he said, and took your hand to guide you. "Do you want something to drink, eat?", he asked, filling up a glass of water.

"No, I'm fine. I had a late lunch."

The balcony was barely 4 square ft., with a pair of those white plastic chairs. Looking behind, beyond the banister, there wasn't much of anything; a few trees in a pretty rundown playground, and a seemingly abandoned warehouse. He put his glass on the edge and declared:

"There..! Ocean view", as he sat down.

"Not really what I expected…"

"I'm sorry to disappoint you", he smiled.

It was meant as a joke, but it shifted the energy profoundly. There was a tug in your gut. Kyungsoo frowned, suddenly looking tired, and ran his hand through his hair which fell on his forehead now that it was without styling. He leaned forward and took your hand.

"Hey, tell me what you're thinking."

“Nothing…”

He tilted his head, not letting you get away with that answer.

“I…” You shrugged your shoulders, looking anywhere but at him. “Everything..? I jump to the next question before even figuring out what the previous question was… I’m worried - scared.”

“Of me?”

“No, for you!” You emphasized by nearly crushing his hand. “Never of you, Kyung… I don’t know what to do.”

“You don’t have to do anything.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Fix me..?”, he chuckled despondently.

“I’m not that dumb, Kyung. It’s just…” You started gesturing widely, so he let go of your hand. “Like on tuesday. Lo’ knew exactly what to do and I just sat there without a fucking clue... I should’ve called him sooner - I should’ve known something was up..!”

“Hey, hey. You can’t think like that”, he said in an effort to calm you down. He put his hands on your knees and looked at you, his brows knitted, upset you’d even consider blaming yourself. It worked. You lowered your voice and finally looked at him.

“I just…wish I’d done something.”

“Listen to me. Don’t just nod your head, Y/N. Listen, okay?”

“Mm”, you said, nodding again as you felt a lump in your throat.

“Whatever you think you did, you didn’t. This is how I am.”

Fast, like ECT, the current went through your face - shutting your eyes tight didn't stop it.

"No, don't cry, babe. Please don't cry", he begged softly, putting his hands on your arms, your neck.

It'd only been the shock that made you start, not your overall feeling, so you managed to stop.

"Sorry", you laughed and dried your eyes, feeling a little silly. "I'm just a little…", you exhaled loudly, fanning your face.

"...little emotional?"

"Yeah...", you sniveled and laughed again. "Little bit."

He looked so sweet with his crooked smile and compassionate eyes, but also sleepy.

"Do you want to go to bed?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Kinda."

"I'm sorry..!", he wailed. "I really want to be with you, I missed you like hell, but I'm-"

"Tired?"

"So fucking tired", he chuckled.

"Well, it's no use trying to talk if you're over here falling asleep anyway, is there. Come on", you said, getting up. "I'll come back soon anyway."

"You're leaving?"

You looked at him dumbfounded.

"Well, I… No, I can stay. I'll sit with you."

"Sit with me? No, sleep with me."

You looked at each other then burst out laughing.

"Going straight to the point, are we?"

Kyungsoo's rumbling laughter filled the room as he got into his bed.

"Aish… Come here."

"Am I allowed to?"

"What are they gonna do, I'm already in here, ain't I?"

Strange, giddy, nerves took hold when you unlaced your shoes and got into bed, but dissipated as soon as he put his arm around you and pulled you in close.

“Good night”, he said and kissed your neck.

“Night?”

“Oh. No…”, he said drowsily. “The other…”

You waited to hear his final answer, but instead felt him settle; his hold loosening, chest rising slowly.

“Good nap, Kyung.”

#Kyungsoo scenario #kyungsoo fluff #kyungsoo angst

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