#I'm not mad about it .... this guy is being very thorough as he describes the structural failures that caused disasters

[hillbilly---man]

I think this show I'm watching was actually literally made for an engineering class

[baixueagain]

Hiiii do you have personal opinions on why goro would have a hannya tattoo? I find this to be a super interesting choice of his since a hannya is a demon but its like, a jealous woman, so not really what a macho guy would pick imo even tho it is scary looking. most analysis of his tattoo kinda glosses over what a hannya is and just describes it as a gender non specific tormented demon but its undeniably a jealousy demon and supposed to be a woman

Okay I'm going to try (TRY) to keep this from getting overly long or anything. I'd also like to give a disclaimer that while I've read a good amount of material on Japanese culture, mythology, and history in my life, I'm far from an expert on it, so I may get a few things wrong here, especially since I'm not familiar with Noh, which is where the Hannya mask/archetype really took shape.

So the Hannya is most prominently known in Noh plays as the malevolent ghost/demon of a jealous woman. However, the important thing to remember about symbolism here is that symbols are rarely in a 1:1 correlation with their bearer; rather, symbols evoke clusters of meanings that tie into what we know about the context of where it's being used and what we associate with the symbol itself. In this case, the Hannya's symbolic context is Majima: his life, his past, and his personality.

Meanwhile, the emotions associated with the Hannya include jealousy, but also rage, sorrow, pain, and frenzy. It's a very passionate and vengeful figure as well. All these things are certainly present in Majima, but they are also things he also inflicts on others (sometimes on purpose, sometimes not). One of the more important tricks to a Hannya mask is that when it is facing you straight on, it's snarling, but when downturned it appears to be sobbing. This, too, can be seen in Majima's Mad Dog persona that he's carefully built to conceal a great deal of inner suffering. It is, much like Majima himself, a dualistic figure that is both threatening and tragic: we empathise with her pain even as we fear what she is capable of doing to others in her destructive passions.

Personally I think it's fitting that Majima is associated with a highly feminine oni, because I would argue that he's not actually a very macho character at all. He's highly dangerous, yes, and in his Mad Dog persona he's full of braggadocio, but again, he's an incredibly dualistic figure compared to more "traditional" masculinity of other Yakuza characters like Kiryu, Saejima, Ryuji, and so on.

Majima is consistently associated with femininity throughout the series, with his arcs in many of the games being closely tied to female characters as well as his background of being intimately involved with traditionally feminine occupations (ones that are, for that matter, highly sexually charged). He also openly plays with gender himself on multiple occasions, dressing in full drag as Goromi and doing a pole dance for Kiryu. Hell, I'd even argue that his final boss fight in Kiwami even reflects his ties to women's sex work, as it takes place in quite literally the biggest, fanciest brothel in town. And yet (outside perhaps of one occasion) there's no sense that he's a man exploiting these women from the outside: rather, his involvement in women's sex work only seems to have given him a sense of commonality with them and a deep, extremely personal understanding of the intricacies and complications of being a sex worker.

I'm not saying Majima is meant to be read as trans or non-binary (though if that's your headcanon, go for it!), but he is most definitely gender non-conforming in a lot of ways (especially for a yakuza!) and that changeability in his nature ties pretty well into the Hannya and its changeable, dualistic nature.

Anyway this isn't as thorough as I'd like as I'm pretty tired today, but I hope this was a satisfactory answer!

[selfmayhemnights]

But I cut people out like tags on my clothing. I end up all alone but I still keep hoping.

I wanna feel all that love and emotion, be that attached to the person I'm holding.

Someday, I'll be fallin' without caution. But for now, I'm only people watching.

Have you listened to this song? It’s called People Watching by Conan Gray. I just found out about this song today, like Spotify exactly knew how I feel.

Do you think there’s a mental disorder that can only be triggered when you fall for someone? If yes, then I think I have that. I don’t know, most of the time I feel like I’m at my lowest and darkest when I meet a guy.

It feels like all my insecurities, alarming thoughts, and horrible tendency to self-pity swallow me like how the waves eat the sand, spit it out, and eat it again. And the saddest thing? the waves doing their routine is part of nature, and I feel like this thing is part of my nature too. A part of me that I want to stop but I can't because that's just how it is.

I think it's easier for the two of us if we drop out names instead of just describing who they are, but promise me you won't tell them about me and what I've been telling you. In return, I will only tell things to you, it's better this way.

So, Chris, the guy I liked last year, the one that I talked about in my letters last year is actually hitting on Adi, the person I like now, the one that I will wait for. How did I know? Through gut feeling and thorough observation and investigation. The shittiest thing is that he knows about how I feel toward Adi and my plans for him. Initially, he was very supportive and told me to go for it. He even pressured me to confess early, yes, but I kinda liked the idea too so the faults on me too. Even if my sister and some of my friends told me it's too early.

Chris is a very transactional and manipulative human being, that's what I meant by he's not a good person either. He befriends people to gain things from them. Now that I am writing about this and how he convinced me to confess my feelings for Adi, it suddenly hits me, maybe he used me to check if Adi is actually open to entertaining pursuers.

Motherfucker, I feel so manipulated. I feel like I'm a fucking show dog.

But maybe I am just overthinking, I don't know. But given who he is, the chances are not zero.

To be honest , I feel so betrayed by Chris. I know, I'm in no place to be mad, I can't stop him from liking someone, especially if it's someone like Adi, who you just could not turn your head to when he walks through the room.

I actually confronted Chris about it, although not explicitly, I just told him I was overthinking and asked him what if Adi likes him then what would he do, his answer? "I don't like him yet". Emphasize on yet.

So I asked him what does that mean, he said that he was waiting for his feelings for Ali to be gone. He said that once he's over with Ali, then he'll start hitting on Adi.

So he sees Adi as an option. It feels like he has a list of names he's planning on hitting on and if the first one fails, move on to the next name. And Adi does not deserve that, he does not deserve to be an option. He should not even be in the list in the first place.

Being the nice person that I am, I told him if that's his plan then I'll give way. Although deep inside I got hurt, I know I am in no place to tell him no. Do you want to know his answer? He said no, and said that I should continue and we should be competing.

So aside from being an option, he also treats Adi like some kind of trophy. NO! It's not a competition. If he likes Adi then that's it. Show it to him, don't come telling me that I we should compete over him. I'm not that kind of person and I would never do that someone I like.

I feel like I'm ranting now. I'm sorry. It's just that I feel better when I talk to you. I feel calm, though temporarily, I'd have every scrape of it rather than not feel better at all.

I hope Adi won't feel what Chris sees him at some point in his life. That would be too horrible and he's a gem to experience things like that. I hope the guy he's seeing now never sees him that way, and I hope he's taking care of him, way better than I could.

I hope he's doing fine. It's the weekend and I am just in my room, I was supposed to go out and drink myself to death but I decided talking to you is better.

Did you know that at some point while writing this letter, Writer In The Dark played, and guess what? I'm actually writing this letter in my room, lights out.

Take care always.