#I'm pretty sure that you have to have correct Rose Tyler opinions to put up woth following me <3

[nounpolycule]

Why are those "what your favorite companion/Doctor says about you" posts always so specific, like even more than those astrology posts that are like "Things the signs need to hear: Virgos, you are loved even if you're not 'useful'. Libras, if you don't pay your roommate back that $1000+ you owe them in the next two months then you're a piece of shit." What is this discourse you're talking about why are you assigning me sides why are your pitting bad bitches against each other why do you think Rose fans are soooooooo unwilling to multiship like c'mere let me indoctrinate you into the world of riverrose so I can prove you wrong. Like I can play that game too.

If your favorite Doctor is Six, your passion shines bright, even if you can't see that light. You deserve the compassion and respect you give others, and also maybe a hug and a free car.

If your favorite Doctor is Eight, your obsession outweighs your audio processing disorder.

If your favorite Doctor is a different Classic Who Doctor, idk we probably haven't spoken, hmu if you've got correct Rose Tyler opinions. If you don't have correct Rose Tyler opinions that's fine but don't hmu.

If your favorite Doctor is Nine, you're either butch or have so much love and respect for the butches in your life. You're not deterred by "bad" CGI, and you think stories should be driven by the characters - they're the heart of it, after all. You don't understand people who think you should skip Nine, or people who think people need to earn the right to have their basic needs met.

If your favorite Doctor is Ten, then I am giving you a kissy and biting everyone who has wronged you. You've watched other media specifically for David Tennant. You've got an episode or six that you think deserve a lot more love. You deserve a lot more love too, probably. Sometimes people think you're annoying for how much you talk about loving Ten, but you know the truth (they're annoying for how much they talk about hating him).

If your favorite Doctor is Eleven, you either have no trouble distinguishing between the concepts of "best" and "favorite", or you suck to be around. If it's the former, you're willing to acknowledge that the Eleven that lives in your head is different than the one that lives on your television screen, and you won't hesitate to rip things like Eleven kissing Jenny Flint or the entirety of the episode Let's Kill Hitler apart. If it's the latter, you think it's a bigger deal for someone to say that something you've said is antisemitic than for Jewish people to have to listen to you repeat conspiracy theories in the middle of a conversation about people being antisemitic in different ways.

If your favorite Doctor is Twelve, you're a dyke. You've considered learning to play a song to impress a girl, maybe you've even gone through with it. You owe the "she/her-ing pre-Thirteen Doctors" jar so much money. You don't like Regina from Once Upon a Time. You've tried and failed to find good electric guitar covers of Beethoven to study to and honestly that's so disappointing bro. You think Murray Gold is a genius.

If your favorite Doctor is Thirteen, you're either right about everything or literally nothing at all. Chances are if you haven't seen Jodie Whittaker in Antigone, you're in that second category :/. If you're in the first category, though, you understand the value of tragedy and catharsis.

If your favorite companion is Rose, then her outfit in The Unquiet Dead awoke something in you - that something, you would go on to realize, is called "attraction to women". You get angry when people say or imply Rose is too uneducated, too stupid, too selfish, too poor for the Doctor, or in general, because they're wrong and also missing the point. You know that the correct way to engage in shipping in this fandom is to figure out both the best and funniest polycule (though it's up to you whether those are the same or different). You're disabled - if you're hesitating to ask the group chat "is [thing your joints/organs/whatever do] normal?" because you think they might say "no", then you already know the answer. Don't forget you have therapy tonight at 7.

If your favorite companion is Mickey, you read at least two of the books that he's in. In your heart, "Mickey considered them firmly broken up before they even met Jack" is canon over "Mickey asked Rose about hooking up in a hotel room while seeing someone else" because Winner Takes All came out over two weeks before Boom Town did, actually. You know he's bi and don't know how other people don't get that. You understand that two people can be incompatible in a romantic relationship and take each other for granted while still working well as friends and caring about each other deeply.

If your favorite companion is Jack, you've had a dream in which you thanked John Barrowman for being part of your journey to realizing your sexuality, only to wake up and go "huh that's weird" and realize that it's actually true an hour later. You think treason is one of the most fun crimes a fictional character can commit, and that's part of why you love Tosh and Lois from Torchwood so much. You know that Torchwood: Children of Earth has some of the scariest Whoniverse monsters, and you're not talking about the alien. You've listened to the Big Finish audio Serenity more than once.

If your favorite companion is Martha, you deserve compensation. People in the wider fandom have a tendency to be weird about her at best and racist and misogynist at most frequent, even when they're defending her. You deserve better than this fandom has to offer and you know the same applies to Martha. Bonus points if you think she and Rose should kiss but you deserve your compensation either way.

If your favorite companion is Donna, you should pay your roommate back anything you owe them fucking ASAP to make sure they have money to pay for their half of rent in January. Like this will help you both.

If your favorite companion is Clara, you're either a classicist, someone who feels strongly about her memorizing the answers to Trivial Pursuit questions, or you're probably wrong about everything. You understand that Doctorification has an equal and opposite, Oswaldification.

If your favorite companion is Bill, you're autistic. You piss people off by asking "too many" questions but that's honestly your sexiest trait. You have a strong sense of right and wrong, and while you might get a bit stuck in your opinions, you think it's important to talk things through. It breaks your heart every time you remember that the s10 soundtrack hasn't been released.

If your favorite companion is Graham - [gets knocked out before I can start shit]

If your favorite companion is anyone else idk man I got up at 6am to study for finals not to spend over an hour on a joke post.