#I'm so caught between wanting Normal to be a paragon

[kineticallyanywhere]

this got entirely out of hand

(for those who missed it: au/idea where Normal gets fully sick of everyone's ignoring his pleas for empathy and abandons the quest to join the Doodler and be the Final Boss)

[matchbet-allofthetime]

Mass Effect Endings Ramble (very long)

Nowhere near there yet (still playing through ME2 atm after soaking like 60 hours into Andromeda)

HOWEVER I'm pondering which ending to pick

On one hand, becoming Reaper Shep is funny as hell to me and also soul shattering.

I think though I'm really caught between Destroy and Synthesis. In Destroy, as far as I'm aware, it's the only ending where Shepard canonically survives, but this also kills EDI and every other AI. And I think that's really unfair- to us, the players (but that matters less to me, a good story is a good story) but also to Joker and other characters. This game series puts a lot of emphasis on "what makes life alive?" And it really presses to us, the player, that it isn't necessarily living cells we define as alive that defines life- just a capacity to understand, learn, and grow.

Similar to EDI, for example, in Andromeda we have SAM, who is arguably developing his own sentience over the course of the journey in Andromeda, thus he is alive, just like Legion and EDI.

I understand Legion has to die- they relinquish control over their life to save everyone they love and hold dear. Their shepard- commander, Tali and her people, and the geth too. They grant their own people the sentience they developed entirely and allowed their people to truly help bridge the chasm between Quarians and Geth and Geth and the rest of the galaxy.

But Joker loves EDI and EDI loves Joker. Even if Joker knew it had to happen, he knows Shepard (or at least, a paragon Shepard) would do anything to keep everyone they could alive. And he'd still hurt over losing her. Watching the development of those two together is just too important to me.

But then, we all want Shepard to live. And I accept that the Citadel DLC basically cushions all endings that isn't Control (since Shep becomes reaper Shep of course). I am fine with it being the cushion for it because I refuse to believe they don't all live because screw realism, yk?

I can get into how I understand the mechanics of story telling and how I want every character I love to live, from Legion to Mordin to Kirrahe to Nihlus to even Saren to survive (Saren because I have a soft spot for turians and I got the paragon option to get through to Saren and I know he wasn't what he became, just like Benezia wasn't. Sovereign was powerful and Saren likely didn't come across Sovereign purposefully and didn't, under it all, want to stay. It's like you become the exact opposite of what you truly are when under Sovereign's power.)

I can get into how I want everyone happy because I do and I want them to all live happily.

All these different species and people only ever met because of Shep. They only ever found love in some endings (like Tali and garrus together) because of Shep. They only became who they were because of Shep. (Ex: plenty of them were just "normal" people. Tali was just on her Pilgrimage, which was completed with Shep's help. Garrus was a man who hated red tape but a paragon Shepard stops him from keeling over a very dark ledge, seen in his ME2 loyalty mission where he insists on killing sidonis when really, it would've hurt garrus more. Would've been worse. Alenko who was just a soldier until he got promoted and became Commander Alenko, because he moved on after Shep died with the SR1. That kind of thing.)

They only became more of themselves- for renegade or for paragon, better or worse- because of Shepard, who they're all (if you do loyalty missions) hopelessly devoted to.

Even without romances, the endings are all painful for many reasons, regardless of the Citadel DLC cushioning that pain. We've had three games to be utterly devoted to not only the character we've created and curated and grown from just a commander who comes from any sort of background, to Commander motherfucking Shepard vas Normandy, friend (or foe) to everyone in the galaxy as long as they're the right type of person for whatever Shep we create.

We get so attached, so seeing them ripped away hurts more.

I think synthesis is the one that I, if I were in Shepard's shoes, would choose realistically. All synthetic and AI life would understand and live on

And that's all my Shep would want. That, and the reapers would assist in sharing knowledge. Everyone together would help rebuild. The Normandy crew survives, and so does the Normandy. (Joker, ME2: I'm not losing another Normandy!) Joker would have EDI, all would be, for intents and purposes, well...

All that would be lost is Shepard. Shepard is vital, fundamental, and key to what keeps them all together in this story. They all found each other through some insane half-dead, half-alive Spectre Commander ship captain impossible odds dead person walking who can- and will- kill or cure or help or hinder anyone who gets in their way or needs help regardless of what happens. Consequences- good, bad, or both- be utterly damned

My Shep would take synthesis, I think, as they're a reflection of myself. An insert, as Shepard was intended to be. They would choose synthesis realistically, just so everyone survived, regardless of them being lost.

But that begs the question- would their death mean anything? To outsiders, to the entire galaxy- yes. It would change so much, no matter which ending taken.

But synthesis in particular would leave everyone alive and mourning the person who found them all, fought with them, fought beside them, and brought them all back together countless times, all the while bringing new people with them. New friends. New family.

Synthesis would leave everyone heartbroken and would they even stay? Together, by one another's sides, fighting even still, helping to rebuild, while Shepard is not their to guide them? Laugh with them, help with them, cry with them?

Would they all just leave again, just like they did after Shepard died with the original Normandy?

There's a chance, even after all that happened through all three games.

Losing one another is tough- Mordin, because he grows on the crew, EDI, who is curious and sassy as she grows and who grows with us the player and the ship sees develop, etc. Losing each other is rough and hurts like hell. But losing the single person who anchors them? Who knows all their worst choices, their best, who was the sole person trusted with their pasts? Jack trusted Shep with her childhood horrors. Miranda trusted Shep with her sister. Garrus trusted Shep more times than I can say. Liara trusted Shep to help her take down the Shadow Broker. Samara with Morinth- and the emotions coming with. Mordin and his assistant, student, friend.

Shepard is trusted with things that nobody else in the galaxy is trusted with. They are trusted to decide how the story goes. Whether the characters wallow in hurt or finally feel freed from the pain of their pasts.

Would they stick together in honour of one another and their Shepard or would they shatter and fall away?

I think an argument for either side could be made.

I think, honestly, I'm going to go for Synthesis because it's what I would do. I only seek to help people, regardless of whether or not they were made or regardless of what their species did to another. All that there is to me, even in games, is the now and the future. What can be done now? Where do we go next?

I'd rather one die for millions- even if saving the council was a choice made as a way for me to maliciously comply to them pissing me off about the reapers numerous times- than millions die for one, yk?

Anyways SUPER long rant post, mind is running at about a million. Hopefully my thoughts are (semi?) understandable. This was a lot and I don't think any ending or any Shepard is a bad way to play, badly written, etc! I think all are fascinating choices and I'm one of many true paragons (aside from the choice with Kai Leng. I'm renegade stabbing that bitch for thane. "That was for Thane, you son of a bitch!" Can't wait for that. The shock value would be god damn comedic with a Shepard with 0 renegade points.)

I really can't wait to play the rest of 2 and start 3 (and I regret not knowing I couldn't save Kirrahe in ME1 earlier!! I didn't know. Fuck!! Love him so much. Getting his "hold the line" tattooed.)

I'm really loving this whole journey and writing all my rambles out is really nice for me. And I've found a lot of others seem to enjoy seeing me ramble, so uh... Yeah! Ask away if you have questions about my opinions or whatever or gimme your thoughts too!

All in all, I'm loving this. And I know my Shepard would survive out of sheer spite alone, no matter the ending.

So here, have my dumbass Shepard who always wears fatigues or red and black armour XD (aka Commander ??? Shep vas Normandy. They/them, afab/fem!Shep body. I've got more info on them, their past, etc but this post is already a mile long lmao. Just ask if you want info ig lol)