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#I'm so tired explaining to my nt parents my “ disordered eating''
mynameisbillandimaheadcase
·
8 months
Text
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#I'm so tired explaining to my nt parents my “ disordered eating''
#YES I'M FUCKING AWARE THAT NOT BEING HUNGRY ISN'T NORMAL
#i figured that shit out over my 18 years on this planet
#food sometimes makes my want to gag
#i find it really unappealing
#I'm not hungry a good amount of those times
#or just too tierd to put the food on my plate
#ik shocker that's not normal either
#but i can't help it
#if i could i fucking would
#telling that it's not normal doesn't actually help me with it
#idk what's wrong with me
#and yeah i don't care that much about fixing it
#I'm tiered always stressed and doing many other things to fix this
#i take advantage of it though to a degree bc dieting and loosing weight has been on my mind since preschool
#it's sad af
#i remember looking down at my stomach and thinking that i need to loose some weight
#i remember how sad i was the next couple of days bc i couldn't restrict myself from eating as easily as i could in the past
#i was probably 5 fucking years old but at this point is a core memory of mine
#i wish i could love eating again as much as i did
#but i can't
#whatever is wrong with my head has messed with my appetite so badly that i can't go back
#diet culture has convinced me that gaining weight is bad even though I'm underweight and need to
#but same as the last time this happened i don't do it on purpose this time at least I'm self aware enough to stop it before it reaches the
#point of starting to loose my hair
#it's messy and complicated i don't know how to fix it but their response doesn't help either it makes things worse
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