#I've returned from the war (grad school) to give y'all my favorite freddie moment

[cakeofthepan]

Freddie playing dnd with himself is possibly the funniest thing to ever happen. Also bonus of Jimmy roasting Freddie for his improv.

[Audio Transcript:

[Instrumental Highway to Hell plays]

Taylor: Wait wait wait wait!

Link: What’s up Taylor?

Taylor: Throw me.

Link: Thr-

Taylor:Like a javelin. Into the guitar.

Normal: [gasps]

Link: Okay

Matt: What am I rolling?

Anthony: You’re rolling a ranged attack, cuz you’re throwing a thing at a thing

Matt: Uhh I rolled an 18

Anthony: Okay so Freddie, as Glenn, roll opposed perception, see if you notice this thing coming for your axe.

Freddie: 19 plus 5 24

Matt: Jeez-

Will: Fuck

Anthony: Okay so you know that the thing is coming towards your axe, you can choose how to react to that

Freddie: I think I’m gonna just spin around and roundhouse kick this object out of the air

Matt: Come on, you need to help out as Taylor. As he notices them

Jimmy: [laughs] no! I think Glenn’s more important

Matt: As- as Taylor, you should say-

Freddie: But as Taylor, Taylor anticipates the move, you know what I’m saying?

[laughter]

Jimmy: Don’t you have to roll for this?

Freddie: No no no! Because-

Matt: I- I just think-

Will: This is the rest of the episode, I’m just telling you in advance

Beth: Yeah

Anthony: I just gave Freddie a blue boxing glove and a red boxing glove and he’s just hitting himself with both hands over and over

[laughter]

Freddie: And they’re like, this is the most fun I’ve ever had! So Taylor’s anticipating the worst possible outcome so he’s steeled himself for it. So he’s going to adjust his spin trajectory-

[laughter]

Freddie: As it’s spiraling, Taylor’s gonna be like

Anthony: [high pitched laughing]

Taylor: He’s making a move!

Freddie: And then Taylor’s gonna like throw his head around the other direction to like change the directory of the fucking- you know what I’m saying dude? So then this candy cane-

Anthony: [still laughing but sounding more like a seal than a human] Then what does Glenn do when he sees this happening?

Beth [overlapping]: Oh my god

Matt [overlapping]: No!

Jimmy: [Laughs]

Freddie: Yeah, you see that Glenn, Glenn knows-

Matt: Wait, what muscles are you using?

Will: Let him cook, let him cook!

Anthony: [seal-like laughter has returned]

Jimmy: [laughs] oh

Freddie: You see, but you see, Glenn knows. Glenn knows that this-

Matt: [laughs]

[someone hits the table cuz they’re laughing a bunch]

Freddie: this trajectory – [dissolves into laughter]

Beth: Oh my god

Jimmy: This is like-

Anthony: [Still dying of laughter]

Freddie: So! So Glenn interrupts, Glenn holds a fucking sick twisted bend on the fucking 12th fret of the B-string as he turns around and grabs the candy cane out of the air dude! And then he’s face to face with Taylor and he’s like

[everyone is laughing throughout]

Glenn: Heh, you think you’ve got what it takes to defeat me?

Freddie: [laughing] and then Taylor, okay-

[everyone laughs for a solid 6 seconds, also Anthony still sounds like a seal]

Freddie: Taylor goes

Taylor: You’re quicker than I thought old man

[everyone laughs even louder for 8 full seconds]

Freddie: And Glenn goes

Glenn: Heh, nothing personnel kid

Freddie: And he throws- and he throws the fucking candy cane into like space! Like as hard as he can

[everyone laughing]

Matt: He just throws it up and it never comes down?

Anthony: [more seal like noises]

Freddie: Like he launches that shit dude. He launches that shit with all of his might

[everyone laughing]

Someone ??: Oh my god

Freddie: What was that, athletics? Athletics I think?

Beth: [laughs]

Jimmy: So we’re going with this right?

Freddie: It’s athletics Anthony?

Jimmy: [laughs] Anthony is dead

Will: He’s done

Jimmy: Anthony can’t even talk [laughter]

Will: He’s fully deactivated

Matt: Anthony died

Jimmy: He can’t even move! No sound’s coming out of his mouth

[laughter]

Anthony: [gasping for breath]

Matt: Anthony’s died

Anthony: [sobbing from laughter noises]

Jimmy: Yeah now he’s crying adequately

Freddie: Aw fuck

Beth: Oh my god

Anthony: [still out of breath] okay, yeah it’s athletics

Freddie: okay. [laughs] So Glenn rolls a six plus seven 13 and is like

Glenn: Heh, Not my best throw

[laughter]

[music fades out]

Matt: I was gonna say you could give him the big like you know sad eyeballs and be like grandpa you know. It’s like, give him something to make him- to faze him

Jimmy: Well technically, he’s not his grandpa

Freddie: Yeah technically no.

Matt: W- well he cares

Freddie: Technically Jodie’s my grandpa

Jimmy: Yeah technically I’m your grandpa

Matt: Oh how’re you related to Glenn

Jimmy: [aggressively] He’s Not!!

Freddie: I’m not

Matt: Oh you’re not

Jimmy: Canonically

Freddie: Yeah he’s just like, a guy

Matt: Oh, yeah

Anthony: Spiritually kind of-

Matt: But like Taylor doesn’t care

Jimmy: Spiritually because it’s Freddie behind the wheel both times

Freddie: Spiritually kind of in the same way like, I playing guitar am spiritually connected with Stevie Ray Vaughan but I’m not related to him whatsoever, ya know

Anthony: Yeah

Freddie: We share a bond through the kinship of music

Jimmy: And Taylor and Glenn share a bond through the kinship of this is just how Freddie improvises

[laughter]

End Transcript]