#I've seen with my own eyes just how badly he gets reduced to almost background character status when he isnt suffering a painful death

[kennys-parka-jacket]

I am once again thinking about The Poor Kid

[alwaysabeautifullife]

What are your thoughts on private vs public adoption agencies? I've been looking for jobs and have been thinking about working in adoption. Private agencies pay better obviously lol

(This is going to be my LEAST popular post) When I first started actually looking into adoption I was looking at all the wrong places. I was looking at adoption agencies, mainly private ones. I was reading stores about how families that had adopted babies or children, how happy and wonderful their lives were to have children because they were infertile or just because they felt called to adopt. I had heard all these wonderful stories from adopted children, how much they loved their parents who adopted them and how grateful they were to have families. It seemed like the perfect, most pure and good thing to do was adopt, especially as a prolife person, some unwanted baby who had escaped the possibility of abortion by people like me who wanted that baby.

A couple years ago I was scrolling on Facebook in my favorite Facebook group, a Catholic Homeschooling group. It was such a good place to go for comfort and prayers, from the daily struggle of being a Catholic Mother and Wife. I felt the urge to pray for some of these women who I considered my friends, and I came across a photo of a beautiful newborn baby with beautiful black skin and thick black hair over his little head, laying in the hospital bed just so tiny. “PRAYER REQUEST” it read. The first few sentences was about the babies health problems, as he was a few weeks premature, but the writer assured us that he would make it, being the strong little guy he is. She gave us a little background, how badly she had been wanting this baby for so long, she had children herself, but had always felt called to adopt. “Over 30,000” she began to explain, she spent on adoption fees and hospital costs! On and on she went. Then came the real prayer request. The biological mother and father wanted to keep the baby. After all this money she spent, after months of preparing the nursery, “he’s already mine” she yelled into the screen and into the many hearts of mothers reading who gasped at the idea of someone tearing their infant from their arms! The post went on about the biological mother and father, who clearly were “unfit” do to their age and financial instability.

“They aren’t able to take care of the baby, the world doesn’t need more thugs and drug addicts, the baby is already yours I will pray immediately that the laws are in your favor have faith!!!” That was the general voice of the over 300 women in the comments. Every single one of them busted out their rosaries and prayed with their whole hearts that this baby would be delivered into the arms of the adopted mother who so clearly loved this baby more than the biological parents, after all, she was the one that paid the hospital fees, the adoption costs, “Tell her she will have to pay back all the fees! That will make her change her mind! She just wants to use the baby to live off the government!!!” More and more similar comments came in.

I sat down myself, saddened by the situation and started to pray. At first I also began to pray that the adopted mother would win the child, but something didn’t feel right.

At what point does someone have the right to take an infant from the arms of their mother? After they have paid 30,000 dollars? After they have had the lawyers for their private adoption agency protect the adopted mother by packet of papers with laws and signatures? After finding out that the biological mother was a poor scared young woman? Who deserves their own child then? By most those terms certainly not me.

For a while I thought this situation was rare. I thought generally most women who gave up their infants were happy, or even grateful their children were adopted by warm wealthy families. I was wrong.

I started researching birth mothers, I listened to their stories, their stories of immense regret, loss, pain that only a woman who’s infant was living but not in her arms could feel. As a mother myself, I can’t even fathom the pain. I mean that from the very moment I hold my child, the bond is something you simply cannot understand unless you are a mother yourself.

See, in government ran agencies there are no lawyers. The primary concern is the best interest of the child, which professionals, psychologists, even our Catholic theology all agree over and over the best interest of the child is it’s biological parents, second choice being other blood relatives. I won’t go into detail on this, you’re welcome to research yourself.

If it was up to me, private adoption agencies would be illegal. That’s right. Illegal. In order for their doors to stay open, they need to make money. Their best interest is NOT for the child, although they may tell themselves that they are doing God’s work by “rescuing” the infant from the arms of a poor teen mom and into the arms of wealthy infertile parents. The fact is, the concern is not for the infant, the mother, or anyone. It’s for the paying customer, and the financial gain for the doors to stay wide open. Most of them with the loving intention of saving babies from abortion, completing families with infertile parents. Women (birth mothers) come to these agencies scared out of their minds, they don’t want an abortion, and they honestly believe (thanks to society) that an unwed mother, a teen, a poor woman, is undeserving of her own child. They go to these agencies and are are coerced. Lawyers work for these companies and are paid big money to work on behalf of the adoption company and the client-the adoption parents. The birth mother has absolutely zero protection herself. These businesses profit by taking children from the wombs scared hopeless young birthmothers and into the arms of paying customers. There is no turning back, once the money is paid, the baby is no longer belongs to the birth mother. At this point she is reduced to as the prochoice people say “an incubator”. We can deny it all you want, but in this business, is she anything else?

Did you know that government agencies almost never have infants available up for adoption? Do you know why? Because they aren’t making any profit adopting children out. They are working for the best interest of the birth parents and the child. Mothers are directed to help, and get the help they need to keep their children, or a biological family member is able to care for the child, because that’s the best interest of the child. The mother is also legally able to have her child returned to her, as long as she is not an addict, or has ever been charged with child abuse. In private adoption, this is absolutely never an option, unless of course the lawyers didn’t cover the company and the adoption parents well enough.

Slowly I began to uncover the real face of most infant-relinquishing adoptions, children desperate to know who they really are, forbidden by laws or their adopted parents to find the mother and father that they were created by to be loved and cared for them. Forbidden to have relationships with their birth parents. Then you see the birth mothers, who morn the loss of their child who’s still alive for the rest of their lives, shamed, guilty, hopeless. Look up their blogs. Read their stories, face their pain.

The worst part is, because this has a lot to do with religious, particularly Christian and prolife groups, we turn our cheeks and close our eyes to the pain. We tell ourselves that it isn’t our problem and we’ve done our part. I don’t believe that, and I’ll stand on whatever side against what is the best interest of both the mother/father and the child. I’ll never choose one or the other. And never on the side of profit, especially profit off human beings.

There was a story my priest told me about the importance in our Catholic faith about the relationship between a mother and child, being as were Catholics and we don’t dismiss the importance of Mary in the life of Christ like other Christians might. He said in Yakima there were many Latino immigrants who were there illegally, and were being deported. The problem is, the children they had, one in particular only days old, were legal citizens of the United States. In situations like this the children are actually forced to remain in the Untied States as citizens. The Bishop of Yakima, stepped in, firmly planted in the truth that a child should never be separated for a mother. The children were then able to be processed, released, and returned to the parents.

If we look at Mother Mary, a teen, unmarried (betrothed, but unmarried), she would probably be deemed an “unfit” mother by our society. We gasp in horror when prochoice people say heinous things about Mary aborting Christ, but we would support Christ being raised by any other woman than the Mother of Christ?

Why are we okay with signs at clinics where scared women go to have abortions that read, “don’t kill your baby we want it!” Why are we so obsessed with “choose adoption!!!”

Where is the rally for the “alternative” true and holy nature of keeping a mother with her children? Why is adoption seen as the solution to abortion? There are programs in place to help these women, in our country how is it possible that a woman is so scared she feels the need to abort or give away for her child? How is this still a normal mentality? Because both prolife and prochoice people feed the fear. Neither of us apparently has any faith or respect for the nature of human beings. We have those who are prochoice who stand solely on the side of the mother, and those who are prolife who stand solely on the side of the baby, but who protects the family? Isn’t that the divine nature, the most important structure of our entire society? Unfortunately even pregnancy crisis centers are required to educate mothers who have already chosen to keep and raise their baby, on the topic of adoption and how much better it is for their baby, before giving any sort of services.

So, is there a need for adoption? Yes there is. There is a need for adoption because although God has designed us to be raised by our mother and father there are still evil and sin in this world. Sin that abuses children, causes parents to become sick with addictions, and creating broken family and children who have not a single blood family member to turn too. This is where the need is, not in the wombs of scared women or young mothers.

Now, we can tell ourselves, as prolife or proadoption people, that “we’ve never done that!!” Or “I’ve never strictly advocated for a woman to adopt without pointing her to help as well!” But honestly that isn’t good enough to wash our hands free of guilt. If we aren’t actively seeking and speaking out about stuff like this, we feed the same mentality that feeds abortion. That an unwed, poor, scared, mother is unworthy of her own child. I see hundreds of prolife people state that “we need less adoption laws to make adoption easier!!” Easier for who? Adopted parents? Through the state adoption IS easy, for parents who are qualified based on the best interest for the child. It’s also little to no COST. Yep. You heard that right. What’s easier than that?

Since I’m not a birth parent, I would like if we could all actually read what the birth parents have to say about adoption.

Here’s a pamphlet created by birth parents on how adoption has affected them. In order for a woman to properly and willfully choose adoption as a choice for her, she needs to know these facts, she needs to hear the good and the bad in order to make an informed decision. I beg all people especially prolife people, to read the pamphlet and inform yourselves please! If we want to really protect woman and children we need to protect the family!

(Sorry for any grammar, spelling mistakes)

http://www.cubirthparents.org/docs/39%20What%20You%20Should%20Know%20if%20Youre%20Considering%20Adoption.pdf