#INY Chapter One Hundred Sixty Three

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 163

Despite all the trouble you were in and everything that laid ahead, there was always that certain comfort that you drew when you were with Tony. The same must have gone for him, because the two of you fell asleep leaning against one another at the back table of the jet while Clint flew who knew where. Safehouse… some safehouse somewhere far away. Ultron was out there somewhere. Doing something. Something awful. 

But while you were miles up in the air with a very beaten and battered team- and… while you had Tony right there, hand in hand with you, you gave yourself small permission to drift. And it was sort of nice. For a little while. Free of nightmares. Just blissfully gone for those short couple of hours while Clint piloted. But when they were over you missed them dearly. 

The louder rumbling of the jet as it started its descent and then land spooked you back awake. As soon as your surroundings came back in clearer, you leaned in again to rub your forehead against Tony’s shoulder. Waded in his warmth as his hand shifted up your back and he pressed a kiss to your temple. This was the plan now. Sit tight in some abandoned safehouse so that the media- and governments of the world- couldn’t bother the team. Sit and wait for Ultron’s next play.

This wasn’t a very good plan. At the very least you needed to start doing damage control- but, then again… Maria seemed to be on top of things. And she literally was the head of Damage Control. Right underneath you. Rhodey, no doubt, was also working. It just felt so wrong to be doing nothing. To just be waiting. In fact, it felt like asking for a lot of trouble. But what choices were being left to you? 

None. Absolutely none. You were being told to sit and wait. So that’s what you had to do. As you stepped off the jet behind everyone else and took in the scenery… maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. For an abandoned SHIELD safehouse in the middle of nowhere, it was pretty idyllic. Clint had taken you to some big farmhouse. Many acres to roam, protected and shaded by large trees on all sides of the property. A couple beaten down trucks, A barn off on the right side. No doubt it had some heavy security system too- one that would have to be booted up. “What are our optics?” Your brain was going. This place had to be locked down, just in case. “What security are we looking at here?” 

Tony would have to do some work to Ultron-proof it, just in case he came looking for the group. But apparently nobody else had been told about this little sit-and-see plan, because Thor asked, “What is this place?” 

The walk up the gravel drive was short, and Tony merely shrugged as Clint approached the door. “A safehouse?” 

Clint took Nat inside first- she’d been looking a little rough. No more so than the rest of the team, but he’d been nursing her just a little. Probably spoke more to their bond than her condition. It was sweet, to be sure. Then the rest of you followed inside. 

...it didn’t look as abandoned as you would have thought. Not dirty or unkempt. In fact- there were- There were kid’s toys in the living room. On the floor. Handknit blankets draped over a couch. An open magazine on the coffee table- 

“Honey?” Clint called out as he looked around and you felt rather stunned. 

But completely held by shock as a very pregnant woman stepped out of the kitchen, mug and dish towel in hand. She was pretty surprised to see the group standing at her door. If you were anyone else you might have assumed she was just some random contact Clint had run to. Someone he trusted. 

Except immediate love bounced between them. She was happy to see them, despite his unannounced guests. 

Your heart hurt. 

“I’m home.” He finished the rest of what made sense. Clint was home. That woman was his wife. She was pregnant with his child- she approached him, putting her hands up to caress his face and gave him a sweet kiss. He mumbled around her. “Sorry about the company- that I didn’t call ahead-” 

Instinctively, blindly, and painfully you reached out, hand connecting with Tony’s as he drowned in the same sudden and inexplicable sadness. Except unlike you he was rejecting the idea outright. “This is an agent of some kind.”

Clint turned back. “Team, this is Laura.” 

Finally you got a good look at her as she turned fully to face the group. She was a beautiful woman. Short. Long brown hair, light brown eyes, and an exceptionally sweet smile as she pointed. “I know all your names.” 

The sudden stomping of little feet drew everyone’s attention. And this little picture became that much worse as two children- a young girl with braided blonde pigtails and a slightly older boy with a mop of sandy hair, bounded down the stairs as Clint crouched down. He caught the little girl in her speedy run, lifting her up into a tight hug. “Hey, sweetheart!” He then put his other arm around the boy, leaning in to kiss the top of his head. “Hey, buddy.” 

Good god. Clint Barton had a family. He’d had a family for years. He had been a SHIELD agent- he’d been an Avenger for years. All while having a wife. And children. And- 

You were holding Tony’s hand so tight your arm was shaking. Clint had everything you’d sworn you could never. How? 

Tony continued your bewilderment, using his free hand to nervously point at them. “...those are… smaller agents…” 

It made sense. Clint was rarely ever around aside for missions- he had a room in the Tower, but he disappeared often. When SHIELD fell, he was nowhere to be found. But it wasn’t that he’d been hiding this from you- ...nor the fact that Natasha seemed to know about it, as she became joyous and the children gathered around her. Auntie Nat… 

No it wasn’t the secrecy or the omission. It was the hurt. The hurt that he’d figured this out somehow. Yet you’d been grasping and failing at some vision of a family. A life like this. A house. A family. Love that wasn’t beset by world ending events. ...how did they do it? 

You really were aching inside looking at them. The perfect picture. You wanted this. You wanted this, for you and Tony. Clint had been living this the whole time and you’d never had a clue. You still didn’t- had no clue how to do it. How he was managing. How. How how… 

Steve took a breath. “Sorry for barging in like this.” Tony was hanging on to his own hurt while managing yours, no doubt. Still holding on to you tight. “Yeah. We would have called ahead, but we were too busy having no idea you existed.” Even his usual sass didn’t make you feel better. Clint nodded. “Yeah. Well. Fury helped me set this up when I joined. Kept it off SHIELD’s files. I’d like to keep it that way. I figure it’s a good place to lay low.” 

Yeah. That did make sense. It also made sense why you had no idea about it. Why no one did- except Nat. But they’d always been close. You had to clear your throat to make words go. “We’ll keep your secret for you.” 

The two of you looked at each other and you had to wonder if maybe it was just plain on your face. The longing as you looked at him. His wife. Their kids. But he gave you a short nod. Laura smiled. “Shower’s upstairs, second door on the left. There’s some medical supplies too, if you need to get patched up. And we don’t mind if you borrow some clothes.” Accommodating and kind despite the drop in. She was probably used to it, you realized. Her husband coming home with cuts and bruises. “I’ll start lunch.” 

A group murmur of thanks hit the air and you didn’t wait for permission. Tony had a pretty nasty cut on the side of his face that needed tending to. The rest of the group, save Natasha and Clint (who were at homebase, so they’d be fine) were all a little more super than he was. So you turned, hand still in his, pulling him upstairs. But really. Really you just needed to be away from them. And with him. To decompress. 

Maybe even reassure each other of something or other… 

You didn’t exactly push him, but were pretty insistent that he move a little quicker through the bathroom door, which you shut behind you and locked. You then guided him to sit on the closed toilet, and started rummaging through the cabinet. Finding a medkit and a bottle of peroxide, you set them down on the sink. And then were promptly stopped when Tony’s hand reached up to touch the back of yours. You braved turning your head to look at him. 

Waiting for you there were those big, beautiful brown eyes of his. Somewhat glassy. And entirely see-through. “Take a breath.” Asked gently of you. Your lips pressed together, swallowing hard, and then turned your head back to the kit- though you did do as he asked. Breathing in slowly and then out. Uncapping the peroxide you dumped some on a cotton pad and started dabbing his cheek softly. “How do they manage? How do they do this?” Keeping your voice very quiet. 

“I told you it’s not impossible.” His smile up at you was a little cocky, but at the same time still slightly broken. 

“Clint’s also not as public as us. So- it’s not the same-” 

“He’s as public as the rest of us, after what happened in New York. We sell toys of him. Who are you trying to convince here?” As he asked, your hand lowered, and you looked at him again. “You know where I stand on this. I mean if Barton can manage…” Both of his brows lifting. 

“We’re not Clint.” He was right. You were trying to fool yourself. Make excuses. It was easy to keep saying it couldn’t be done as long as no one else had done it. And before today, you’d been very sure no one else had. Or would. 

And you were so very wrong. Which meant… which meant you’d been wasting precious time. Wasting time convincing Tony that it couldn’t be done until this, that, and the other thing was fulfilled. Yet- you could have… you could have been living a life- ...and it… it was your fault that the two of you had been delaying it…

How were you supposed to live with that? Live with yourself? 

His smile up at you made you hurt all over again. “Great news. Means we can nail this whole house-and-family thing even better.” 

You had to look away from him, throwing out the cotton pad, settling your hands on the sides of the sink, head dropping. “They have three kids…” It was so unfathomable. How did she do this? How did she sit at home, wondering if her husband would come home alive- 

...god. God damn it. You’d already been living this life with him. Yet you’d seen fit to deny every time he asked you to take it one step further. And for what? For what? 

He stood suddenly, setting his hand reassuringly at the mid of your back, stroking in soft circles. “Two. Technically. Although she’s definitely ready to go on that aforementioned third.” Shifting in, he pressed his forehead against the back of your shoulder in an affectionate touch. “Honey… we couldn’t have known.” 

“So what-” The words choked from you as you felt the guilt come clawing. “I kept putting it off because it was so unobtainable and now what- we’re being shown up-” 

The two of you shared a watery laugh, unable to look at one another. “Just means we have to do it bigger.” 

“They have a head start.” 

“So? We’re the Starks. Now that we know what we’re looking at- we can build it better.” 

A few breaths hitched, you caught a few sniffles too, as you turned, standing a little straighter. Before you could wipe your tears away, his hands were there. Doing it for you. “We are not the Starks.” 

“Not yet.” One of those signature arches of his brows threatened to get your smile going. But you just weren’t ready for it yet. Suddenly he started patting at his pockets- “Damn it.” 

Reaching up, you wrapped your arms around him, holding yourself as close to him as you could, rewarded with his arms crushing you back. You were clinging to him, but that was okay. “It wasn’t right here, anyway. We have a mess to clean up.” 

“Okay. I agree. But after?” His voice came somewhere close to your ear, low and loving. 

“...ask me after.” It wasn’t fair to the rest of the team, to be finding solace in each other like this. To be making plans for a future, like this. You had no idea what after looked like either. So you couldn’t commit right now-

...but if anyone deserved it- wasn’t it you? You’d been waiting for a sign. You’d been waiting to see if this was possible. And now you had hard confirmation. Someone was already living this life. And if they could… 

Then so could the two of you. 

He held you that much tighter. His tone was full of promise. “I intend to.” 

                                                                  ---

Tony took the first shower. You asked if anyone wanted dibs on the second, and the team groggily passed it up, so you were next in line. Laura was kind enough to leave out a change of clothes for you, and Bruce passed you on your way out. Though you did ask him where Thor had gone off to, and he merely gave a weak shrug. There was no need to press him further. Coming down the stairs, you spied Tony and Steve out in the yard- … “Are they chopping wood?” Asked of Laura as you came into the kitchen. She looked over her shoulder with a shrug and a smile. “Seemed like they needed something to do. I couldn’t turn down the opportunity for some help around the farm.” 

“Can’t argue with that.” They were both probably still wound up. And much as you took some extended time to watch Tony swing that axe above his head and down in hard even strikes, checkered button down tied around his waist- ...right now was not a good time for ogling. “Do you need any help in here?” 

Waving you over, “You need something to do, too, huh? Mind helping with the salad?” Giving a little point to the counter where she had several vegetables laying out in wait, a big sharp knife, and a rather large bowl. 

“Sure.” You could chop up a salad. No problem. Not hard at all. What was difficult was making food back to back with her in her kitchen. In silence. With too many questions. So much so that… eventually you really couldn’t help yourself. “Can I ask you something?” 

“How I do it?” 

You felt rather caught as she asked that nearly immediately. “That obvious?” 

“You looked like someone punched you in the gut when you came in- no offense- and I’d like to not take any either, so I assume it wasn’t really directed at me.” Her tone was soft and understanding. So it was easy to not take offense to that, or worry about over-showing your own emotions. The problem was you really had no idea what to say. Thankfully she helped. “I was surprised, you know, when Fury said he’d picked the two of you out for this team thing.” 

However, you almost wished that there had been a drag of silence instead of that. “Oh. You knew Fury too?” Trying to not give your disdain away through tone. Probably failing. 

“Sure. We were close, for a little while. Had him over for dinner a few times. He’s been very good to this family.” 

A very good reason not to speak ill of him, you supposed. “Did you work at SHIELD?” 

“Absolutely not.” She spat this out with a little bit of a laugh. “No- actually- if you’d believe we live in such a small world, I interned at Stark Industries a few summers while I was in college.” 

Small world indeed. And getting smaller all the time. “Really? What department?” 

“Nothing important. I’m pretty sure I was the secretary’s secretary’s secretary. Fetching coffee, filing papers. That sort of thing.” You were nodding along as she spoke, even though she couldn’t see it. “I can’t imagine running a company and doing… this is easy.” 

“No more easy than sitting up at night with kids wondering if your husband is going to come home, right?” You didn’t mean this maliciously- hoped she wouldn’t take it that way. 

Luck held in your favor as she hummed out a breath. “This is… relatively new, you know. SHIELD was one thing. Then one day aliens are coming to a city miles and miles away and somehow Clint’s picked to deal with it. ...you sure you need him?” 

There was probably one reason she was asking this- and you were sure it had nothing to do with the fact that Clint was most certainly lurking around. Maybe she had no idea he was in the next room. You did, though. You tried to not let it temper your answer too much. “We do. He’s saved our asses more than once. And out of everyone, he always makes the right directional calls. He was doing this a lot longer than most of us. Except Nat, I guess. Maybe not the aliens thing but… the missions.” It only occurred to you the other reason she was asking. “But… if he’d like to retire…” 

Her one-note laugh was a little sour. “That’s not up to me.” 

“Sure it is. You don’t expect me to believe he’d stay with us if you told him to come home, do you?” 

The two of you turned to look at one another. A passing but understanding glance. Her grin was sad. “I can’t ask him to turn his back on saving the world.” 

“Yeah.” Sadness taking hold of you, too, then. “I get it.” 

She looked upset for a split second, like she understood it. She probably did. But instead of giving any advice about late nights wondering if someone would come home alive or- god what would I tell the kids?- she offered a little bit more of a real and warm smile. “I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for this family.” 

This you weren’t expecting, though. “Me? I haven’t done anything. I didn’t even know you existed until two hours ago.” 

“Clint tells me you’re the brains behind the operation. The reason we have a diverse portfolio and more than enough money to survive.” 

“Oh. Well- Hawkeye toys sell themselves. But, sure. I’ll take credit for his salary bump. I like to think I’m a little more accommodating than SHIELD.” Allowing yourself one little grin. One little dig. 

“No less dangerous, though.” Her eyes dropped and you worried about what she would say next. “He also tells me you do more than enough. Cleaning up all the mess. I know that can’t be easy.” 

This was too hard to deal with. So flippancy came quickly with a shrug of your shoulders. “Someone has to.” 

“Yeah. Someone does.” 

It was hard to tell what she was getting at- and you didn’t have time to decipher it as Clint finally stopped sneaking around and made an appearance from around the corner. He came over, leaning in to press a kiss to her hair and then murmured something to her. A feeling of realization came over her and she looked a little sheepish. “Hey- food’s about done. Would you mind letting Bruce and Natasha know?” 

The change of subject was so abrupt it left you blinking a few times over. “Bruce is upstairs taking a shower. Do you know where Nat is?” 

Laura was a fraction away from a smirk with a little roll of her eyes as she turned away. “Same direction.” 

Hm. You really hoped… they weren’t doing anything you’d regret walking in on. Though it was nice that they were finding some mutual comfort. 

...a little too much. In a terrible way- different than what you’d expected. 

But as soon as you’d gotten upstairs and were about to knock on the door, you heard Nat. And you didn’t mean to eavesdrop. Not really. It was just a little too hard not to after hearing her muffled voice behind that door. “-you still think you’re the only monster on the team?” 

Really. Honestly. This was clearly a private conversation. You needed to turn away or interrupt it. But Bruce answering her, “So what? We disappear?” 

Your heart dropped into your stomach. Were they honestly talking about leaving? Ditching the team? It was just that easy? Natasha spoke again. “We keep moving.” 

Maybe you would have continued to listen in, though it was none of your business. It hurt your heart to hear two people you considered family talking about running away from everything- but a strike of surprise hit you sideways. Not just anyone’s. Tony’s. 

It had you turning away. Hurrying downstairs. Putting a hand on the door outside looking at Steve who was suddenly all alone, “Where did Tony go?” Steve looked up at you. “He went into the barn. Something about a broken tractor.” 

Laura called you from the kitchen. “Can you give me a hand with this?” 

“One second!” Calling back and then rushing out into the yard, ignoring Steve’s questioning glance. Moving as quick as you could without actually running. Tony’s initial shock had died down into something uneasy instead- mixed with a familiar sense of dread. 

It was why you almost weren’t as surprised as he’d apparently been, as you opened the barn door- And saw him, wrench in one hand, leaning against the side of the aforementioned busted tractor. Talking to Nick Fury, who was sitting on a bale of hay. 

“What are you doing here?” Quickly you shut the door behind you. 

“Nice to see you, too.” He looked up at you briefly and then very quickly looked down at his hands. 

Tony gave you a small wave. “Hey, honey.” His voice held a small tremble, something that pulled you closer to him. “Did I pocket dial you on accident?” Knowing, probably, why you’d appeared suddenly.

Putting a hand up his arm, you inspected him a little closer. “You okay? He do something to you?” 

“Not yet. He just showed up uninvited.” 

“Oh so like always.” 

Fury spoke up. “You know. I’m sitting right here.” 

Turning towards him, you crossed your arms tight. “You are. Sorry to cut your conversation short but I need to ask you something.” It was now or never, right? Fury was off the grid. There would be no telling when you saw him next. 

“What now?” 

You leveled a hard look at him. “Did SHIELD run experiments on me in 1990? Were you responsible?” 

Maybe it was that he wasn’t expecting you to know about that, or maybe he just wasn’t ready, but he became momentarily stunned. Then there was a bit of odd distress that bubbled up. And very suddenly he was standing- and not looking at you again. His hands went in his pockets as he paced. “You unleash an AI with murderous intent on the world, and yet still everything’s gotta be about you.” 

He seemed a little… off. Was it right? To think Fury would be so put out by you figuring something out? That he wouldn’t have an excuse ready? Was that really the Fury you knew? Maybe whatever he’d been doing in retirement had dulled him. 

“It’s a yes or no question.” You remained firm. This might have been your now-or-never moment. “Did you authorize-” 

“Now is really not the time for this.” The wave of his hand was dismissive. He was trying to play it cool. But everything else that only you could sense was sweating. Afraid. He was afraid of something. 

And that was very, very bad. “What’s the matter with you?” 

“Me?” There was a tiny little uptick in his tone. “Nothing’s wrong with me. How about we talk about Ultron and how you’re gonna clean up your mess.” Deflecting. Still unable to look at you. He honestly seemed like he might bolt out the back door.

This was not- this was not normal. Not for him. He couldn’t be so scared that you’d finally unearthed the truth, right? If Nick Fury was mad about something you were responsible for, he’d be right in your face, and be damned whatever else you were asking for. But this? He was practically about to run.

Some sense of responsibility pulled Tony into speaking. “Look- we’ll figure this out-” 

But you held up a hand to stop him. Something was not right here. All the hairs on the back of your neck were standing. Whatever sort of sense you had for something being wrong with someone- ... wasn’t that all you did? Wasn’t that what you were good for? 

Well. It was ringing like crazy. 

And it was why you let your primary focus go. Why you let your gaze fog up as you dropped below into that space that belonged only to you. That was supposed to be part of you. That was supposed to help you be more than what you were. Damn where it came from. 

What you saw was… Fury. Sort of. But it almost looked like he was drawn over. Like something was outlining him. Almost like the vision of control that others had. But not quite. Getting closer to inspect it, it was almost like a… it was vibrating. Alive. 

But one touch- just a single touch of your pointer finger at his heart- 

Shattered the whole thing- 

And before you could even see what you’d done, Tony’s sudden paralyzing fear, coupled with a sharp yank of your arm dragged you right back to the surface. Your vision cleared. 

His fear became your own very quickly. You double-tapped the Heart Reactor without even thinking, and held your hand up to charge up a repulsor shot. 

Nick Fury was no longer standing in front of you. But what was- 

Something green with pointed ears, still wearing Nick’s clothes, and as it turned to look at you, pitch back eyes- You weren’t successful in keeping your voice firm. “What are you?” 

The thing put its hands up- only just now realizing the hands that he was supposed to have were no longer there. Then the frantic starting shouted. “Wait wait wait!!” Speaking rather perfect english… accented, too. Strangely. ...Australian, maybe? “Wait- don’t shoot-” 

Tony came shoulder to shoulder with you, pointing. “You have ten seconds before she puts a hole through you.” 

“Okay okay alright! Just wait!” 

“Eight seconds.” 

“I’m just a stand-in- look- look alright- I can get Fury on the phone for you- don’t shoot me-” He lifted a communicator out of his pocket. 

This was one thing too many. What were you supposed to do with this? What were you supposed to think about this? But really… the only thing you couldn’t stop thinking- the only thing you couldn’t stop wondering-

How long had Nick Fury been an alien?