#INY Chapter Seventy Seven

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 77

The next course of action was neither clear nor simple. The only thing your brain was latching on to was that Tony was alive, and honestly thank god for that. Had he not been, your weeping and endless guilt would have only been curtailed by this mysterious Maya Hansen knowing where the Mandarin was. That would have led you on a trip of vengeance- one you currently were still planning to take. Because even if Tony was alive- again, thanking the powers that be that he was- the Mandarin still needed to be stopped. 

Not just for good reasons. For selfish ones. He’d hurt practically everyone you’d cared about at this point, save the Avengers themselves. Speaking of which… 

After murmuring to each other enough about a plan of action, or the groundwork for one anyway (which consisted of getting the hell away from SHIELD because you were sure they were listening in, and then grilling her for information while paying very close attention to how she was feeling about all that), you found your way back to Steve. Still impressed with his timing. And were you in a different way, maybe you’d have appreciated it. ...well, he did stop you from jumping into the ocean after a man who’d clearly already left it. Probably saved your life by doing so. What a pointless death that would have been.

But now you needed him for something else. “Can you keep Fury off my back?” Double tapping the Heart Reactor to finally remove your suit.

He just crossed his arms and made a face. “What’s that now? What’d she say to you?” Damn it all that Steve was no fool. And after what he’d just witnessed, probably none too keen on just letting you leave with a stranger. 

Taking hold of his hand, you pulled him in close, lowering your voice further. “Tony is alive.” 

His eyes searched yours. “You know that for a fact?” Clearly of the mind that Maya might have been trying to sell you some snake oil. 

“He sent me a message. He’s alive. And I’m going to him.” Because he said he was somewhere chasing a lead, right? That was where he’d ended up? You hadn’t really had a lot of time to parse through that message. But now this way, you didn’t have to wait for JARVIS to repower and send you coordinates. You’d just both meet up at the same place. Easy. Cut the middle right out. 

And let the ass kicking of a century commence. You liked this plan. This was a good plan. And nothing would stop you from enacting it. 

“Look I’m really glad- relieved. But. I don’t think you should run off right now. A lot of things are happening.” He gestured weakly to the SHIELD agents patrolling the lot, the now completely decimated lawn and what used to be your house- burned foundation and rubble, only (and barely) the basement portion left. Damage Control was here, cleaning up already. Pushing the media circus back. 

“I have to go, Steve. Every second I’m here puts more time for this Mandarin guy to keep moving. Keep bombing people. Please.” Trying to make him see. Make him understand. “I have to do this.”

He crossed his arms a little tighter, shook his head softly. “I don’t know… let me come with you, at least.” 

For one reason or another you didn’t like this. Maybe it was that it was pinging a deep part of you that was now predisposed to everyone you loved getting hurt as soon as they got even mildly involved with this. That was probably it. You didn’t want him around for this. You could do it yourself. You thought about trying to appeal to his soldier sensibilities- asking him if he’d ever lost a friend behind enemy lines due to fault of his own- and if he’d ever had to go and make it right- 

But a different answer presented itself in the form of Maya yelling and the two of you turning to see Dvahli leaping from her arms onto the ground and then coming over to you in a mad dash. 

“She bit me!” 

Perfect timing. You scooped her up, giving her a tight little snuggle, absolutely terribly sorry that she had to live through something this terrible. She was probably traumatized. Weren’t you all? But after you were done squeezing her, you held her out. “Watch her, please.” And when he opened his mouth, probably to tell you no, you gave him the most pleading pair of eyes you could. “Please, Steve. For me… please.” 

He drew in a deep, deep breath and then let it out in a losing sigh. Even though he was unsteady in his movements, holding his arms out for you to deposit Dvahli into them, he stood firm. Because you’d asked him to. “You go in. You get Tony. You put this guy down. That’s it.” 

“That’s it.” You told him back, sure as you could. Then leaned in to give him a half hug. “Thank you… I won’t mess this up this time. Just… distract Fury for me. And then take her back to the Tower. We’ll meet you there.” When this was over. Seeing as how the two of you didn’t have a house anymore. 

“We’re gonna have a long talk when you get back.” Warning you of what was to come. And it didn’t sound particularly fun. 

“Yeah. I understand.” What more could you say to this? He was doing you a huge favor. Not even by covering for you, or for watching your cat. For being here at all. 

“Things don’t go to plan, you call me. Got it?” 

“Got it.” Nodding. It was at least a little relieving, knowing you could trust him. Knowing he would be there, as soon as you needed him. That thought alone spurred on another hug, another murmur of thanks, a small kiss on the cheek, and then you spent your last remaining minute there nuzzling Dvahli, telling her that you were sorry- you were- and that you were going to come home soon, and bring Tony back with you. When you could pull yourself away, finally you went slowly back to Maya. 

Steve already threw a plan of action on the field, calling for one of the nearby agents’ attention. You took Maya by the arm, making sure not to make it seem like the two of you were sneaking off. Even though the two of you definitely were. 

“Keep your head down. Get in the car as soon as we approach.” You’d have to take one of Tony’s. That was fine. He could drive it back for all you cared. Because you were going to get him back. You were finishing this. Tonight. 

Of course as soon as the two of you shut your doors and you pushed the button to start, Fury started barking out a million different things. Most of which had to do with the fact that you were not allowed to leave. So you really stepped on the gas and drove like wildfire, down across the lawn- what did it matter that you were ruining it? That whole property was gone- and through their little barrier. 

“LUNA kill any trackers. I don’t want them following us. Do whatever you have to, I want a dead trail.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Five minutes out on the road in complete silence seemed to be killing Maya. She was nervous. A touch anxious. And she did the most stereotypical thing to fill the void- reach over and turn on the radio. You really wished she hadn’t though, because a stern news anchor’s voice entered the car. 

“-and after the mass hysteria that seemed to spread over the entire state of California, many are asking themselves, what happened? There were riots and looting, fights- No one has any answers. It seemed to coincide with the bombing on the Stark Manor. Did the world panic after Tony Stark was declared de-” 

Quickly you reached over to turn the radio off. That was the reason Nick Fury and SHIELD had shown up. You had totally lost control and probably ruined a great many lives in the process. Whether or not it was true, that Steve had been on his way here anyway, he had come practically arm in arm with Fury. And he’d seemed to be somewhat in charge when you’d had all those guns pointed at you… 

“You gotta tell me where we’re going.” While you could drive off into the night forever, it was a pretty pointless exercise. “And what you were doing at my house. What’s your involvement in all of this?” It was foolish to just blindly trust her, even if Tony said he’d known her previously. You were on Steve’s side with that one. 

“We just need to go someplace safe.” 

“Great. No. I need more than that.” It probably wasn’t a good idea to sass her, if she was the only person aside Tony, who was currently out of reach, who had the information you so desperately needed. But… on the other hand… your nerves were beyond frayed. Emotions running pretty wild at this point. You had nowhere to put them. “-I’ll take us to a hotel. No cards, just cash. No media. We’ll stay down-low.” Making that promise for her at least. Not leaving a trail was not just for her, it was also for you.

SHIELD would mess this up for you. Tell you to form a better plan than cold revenge. That wasn’t really gonna work for you. So. The less they could follow where you were, the better. 

It took every ounce of your control to stay quiet, be patient, and wait for her to start talking again. Thankfully, you were eventually rewarded. “I think my boss works for the Mandarin.” 

“Your boss? Aren’t you a botanist?” It was probably useless to try and make much sense out of this. Since when did your life ever make sense? But some of it had to track or else you were probably just being fooled. 

She breathed out a huff of a sardonic laugh. “Botanist, yeah. That’s what Tony remembers, I’m sure. We met at a science convention in Germany, and after the night was over he probably didn’t remember too much else.” You spared her the eye roll, not really interested in Tony’s lurid bedroom stories of yore. “What I actually am is a biological DNA coder running a team of forty out of a privately-funded think tank, but sure, you and Tony can call me a botanist.”

Think tank. Think tank. 

You lived and breathed in the tech world, the startup world, the … all that, world. You had for a long time. It wasn’t unusual for you to hear those words, was it? Yet every part of you immediately knew. You just knew. Maybe nothing in your life made sense. But at least there were footprints leading on a trail. Every time. Every time, when something felt off… it was for a reason. 

“Your boss’ name is Aldrich Killian, isn’t it.” 

Just say it. Just fucking say it. Angrier now, somehow, if that were even possible. Furious because that guy had bugged you and irked you and made you feel uncomfortable. And just like every other fucking time in your life that you didn’t follow up, chose not to investigate, it blew up in your face. It got Tony hurt. Because you’d been tired or busy or a million other excuses. But it was always the same fucking thing in the end. 

Your fault. 

Maya seemed shocked, turning to stare at you. “How do you know that?” 

“Just a feeling.” It was getting hard to see, there was just so much red. 

Maybe you scared her, or maybe she was weighing her next options very carefully. It was hard to say. It gave you time to stew, hands gripping the wheel on and off as your rage kept building. Eventually it would explode. The silence was getting unbearable. As you turned off one road and down another you felt relieved when she started speaking again. “I bought in, you know? I sold my research. Myself. I thought we were doing something good. But I want out now. He’s dangerous. I should have seen it earlier. We’re taking people off the streets- soldiers- people who need help and turning them into weapons. I honestly just can’t sleep any more.” 

You felt her remorse and it only put a tiny ding in the mountain of anger you were still working through. It was your turn to let a silence linger, as you kept weaving through roads, still trying to make sure it was impossible to follow you. And a hotel was too much to hope for. This had to be a motel kind of thing. And to even get through a front door, you’d have to get cash somewhere- which would leave a trail- god damn it. 

Why couldn’t you take a lesson from Tony? Just walk around with thousands of dollars in your pocket? Everything about this was angering. Angry. It was all you were holding on to at this point. Anything else and you’d come apart. 

It was when you interrupted her that you even realized she was speaking again- and that you weren’t listening- as you asked, “Do you have cash on you?” 

“Um- yeah- a little. Why? I didn’t come to your house stacked or anything, but-” 

“I didn’t have time to plan for this little adventure, so I’m going to have to pay you back. We’re going to a motel.” And then you realized that if you were any sort of decent human you should probably stop stewing in your own problems and offer her some comfort. Ten minutes, tops. You could at least afford that. “And- people are shitty. We turn a blind eye to a lot, if we think we can get to a justifiable place, in the end.” In that way you were no different. Hadn’t that been what you were doing with Tony, before all this? 

She hung her head. “Yeah. I guess.” 

Thick, unbearable silence was inevitable after that. You just had to embrace it. Thankfully the motel was not that much further away. You hung back and kept your head down as she paid for a room on the second floor. And, just your luck, she had three whole dollars and fifty cents left afterwards. 

There was no sleep to be had that night- not for you, anyway. She’d cozied up on a bed- probably not a smart move. But now was not the time to be pulling out blacklights and checking for bugs. The excitement of it all seemed to put her right out. It left you to pacing. Thinking. Growing angrier and angrier. And more worried, too. Tony hadn’t reached back out. You could only hope things were okay. As the sun came up you accidentally knocked her bed pacing by one time and she got the hint, getting up, mumbling something about something.

 Once you’d paced enough in the room, probably wearing a trail in the floor by now, and once she was more conscious, you grabbed her remaining cash off the dresser where she’d tossed it.

When she threw a questioning glance your way, you stopped by the door. “I saw some vending machines on the way up here. What would you like to share for breakfast?” 

At this she sighed, crossing her arms. “Who cares. Potato chips, I guess. And coke, if you have money left over and we can afford to be fancy.” She was trying to be funny, and to her credit it did earn a twitch of a smile, but that was all you had for her. 

Luckily, you returned with much more- as per request, a small bag of most likely stale potato chips, and a bottle of coke that had been churned out far too hard by the machine it was in. You must have lingered a little too long outside, because when you came back in she seemed jumpy. Then again, considering the circumstances, maybe you should have been, too. 

Leaving the provisions with her, “I’m actually not that hungry. By all means. I think I’m gonna just try my luck with the shower.” 

“Yeah… alright. Thanks.” With no further hesitation, she ripped the small bag open. 

After that, you decided it couldn’t wait any longer. “Do you know where Killian is right now? How am I supposed to get to him?” 

“No need.” A strong hand gripped the back of your hair, yanking you hard. “I’ve scheduled the meeting myself this time.”

The voice sliced through your consciousness, too little too late, as he threw you up against the nearest wall. Already permanently scarred, your brain went into immediate panic mode, reaching up to shove- to scratch- to anything- no! To try and tap your Reactor-

A single smart deed that immediately went punished. He pulled and then rammed you back, capturing the hand that was going for the reactor in one of his, pulling it above your head. Then with his other he reached towards your chest. “This has to go.” You were sure you must have been knocked into hallucination. His eyes were lighting up- and so was his hand- glowing orange- and when he set it to your skin it burned. 

Burned so hot you felt it melting the metal of your Reactor. So you reached again in the next breath with your other free hand, getting a good clean swing in, your fist to his jaw. Finally some other training kicked in, and you raised a knee to his gut. 

“I need you to calm yourself-” 

A sentence that would have sparked enough anger to move you, had he not taken a hold of your hair again and slammed your head against the wall and then quickly turned you to face it, pinning you with his own body. So. Reactor down. Body unable to move. What more could you do? 

It was then that you dropped into the darkness and wasted no time once you were there. Once you saw him. You rushed forward, sinking your hands into him, vision blurring to give you that shaky view of a body that did not belong to you. And just as you tried to wrestle control, to get him one step away, you heard him gulp for air, twist your hair in his hand, and knock your face against the wall again. Jarring you back into your own body. 

“You’re a tricky one, aren’t you? Don’t worry. I love the hunt.” His voice was an afterthought next to the small pinprick you felt at your neck. “Came prepared.” 

Beyond you, you heard Maya’s unimpressed voice. “Should’ve opened with that.” 

Malaise entered you so deep it was impossible to fight off. Your automatic scrabbles for survival started slowing, and then halting as you went slack. “Are you going tell me why you were at Stark’s mansion at all?” 

“I’m trying to fix this thing! I didn’t know you and the master were gonna blow it up!” 

They were squabbling. Like old friends. The master. So wrapped up in yourself. You should’ve listened to Steve. Everything that went wrong- it was always your fault wasn’t it? You managed to say something that made him laugh. And then the lights went out. 

                                                     ------

The only thing you were aware of as you started coming to, was that you’d come to more than a few times now. And been put back down every single time. Oh- wait- more things you knew for sure- you were in a lot of pain- your brain was very foggy- and… oh right. You were going to kill everyone responsible for this. That much you were absolutely sure of. 

And the last and worst piece of information… you were tied to a table- …? Standing? Strapped- strapped to a… standing chair… yes, your brain was not working so well. Your legs were not moving, neither were your arms, really, but maybe that was because, as you remembered yes, you were tied down. Things were not ideal- your Reactor?- gone… you were sure. Destroyed? No idea… 

“Tony…” Voice murky and low. Why call for him? Was he here? Was he going to help you? No of course not. Because you’d fucked everything up. Even if he’d made it out of that bombing alive, there was no telling what would happen now. Because of you. And all your mistakes. 

“Unavailable, can I take a message? God, do you know how much I hated hearing that? Over and over and over…” Someone was talking- Killian it took you too long to realize- and pacing back and forth, as you finally managed to open your eyes. Finally, when he stopped, he came over, touching your face so gently it made you sick. Extra sick. You realized then you were already nauseous. “You’re quite the specimen. I understand what he sees in you.” 

This made sense, right? You were going to be bait. Because you’d let yourself be bait. “He won’t- he’s not going to help you- what are you even doing? You need him? Or- you want him to…” Your head fell forward, but he caught you.

Making sure you were angled enough to keep looking at him. “We thought we needed his help. Turns out, I’ve got all the help I need. Sorry- let me explain, I think you’re a little groggy- sorry, again. Apologies, really, but if we don’t keep you incapacitated I think you might do something stupid. You see- that little stunt back at the motel- I knew there was a reason Stark kept you around. Maybe he got in too deep, but I’m just above the surface. I don’t mind blood farming.” 

He really was talking too much. Not making a lot of sense. It was getting harder to see, so eventually you just let your eyes close. Thankful you were too out of it to cry. Because you really just might have otherwise. “What are you- ...what the hell are you talking about?” Out of breath, it seemed. It was only then you realized there was another goon in the room- realized it as he moved to your side and turned a drip on an IV- that you also realized was in your arm. All these realizations, all too late, as a steady burn started to fill your veins. “Don’t do this!” Awake and aware so suddenly. Fear creeping up on you, turning that anger to mush. “Killian don’t do this! I’m not-” Normal, you wanted to say. He was using this Extremis stuff on normal people.

 What would it do to you? 

“Don’t panic. Panicking makes it worse. Phase One is quick. It’s Phase Two you have to worry about. Were you a lab experiment? SHIELD? Or someone else? Because really, it’s remarkable. I thought I’d have to force Stark’s hand, but you. Here you are. Sorry. I think I’m two steps ahead of you-” Tilting your head up harder to earn your frenzied attention back. “Your genes, I’m saying. Mutated. Something in your blood. Extremis is volatile. Did Maya not explain? The bombings, it’s extremis turning in on itself. Lab rats, all of them- but now we can make it viable. Through you. Some mad scientist did a number on you. I’ll have to send him a Christmas card.” 

“What the hell are you fucking talking about?!” Fed up. Completely fed up, even through the strange mix of grogginess and fear, of hearing him talk. You were sure he was just doing it to hear himself at this point. God damn it. What an annoying asshole. 

“There she is.” Thumbs brushing your cheeks as he still held you. “I tested your blood against Extremis, and the results were remarkable.” Leaning in, he rested his forehead against yours. “So. I’m going to have to pump you full of it. Indefinitely. I’m sure you understand.” Giving you a little pat before letting your head fall forward without his support and stepping away. “It’s better this way, anyway. Assuming you don’t die. If you do-” A small shrug. “-I’ve got enough to work through on my own. But really, don’t waste my resources, if you could do me that favor, alright?” 

  He was leaving. Walking further and further away. 

This was the man. The man responsible for all of it? The Mandarin? You couldn’t remember- what was Maya saying- but even so- god, you hurt. Your heart started beating triple time, and it felt like an ocean was filling your lungs. Like you’d run a marathon- “Killian-” 

But Killian was at the core of all of this. He was the one that had attacked Rhodey- “-Killian-” He was the one that had put Happy in the hospital- “...Killian-” He blew up your house- almost deactivated JARVIS- almost killed Tony- 

“ALDRICH.” Forcing his name out in a guttural growl. 

Finally he stopped walking, and turned to you with a smile. The world seemed like it was getting brighter. The edges of your vision were going white as your nerves went alight with fire. He took his time, stepping in closer. “Yes?”

You made sure to look him square in the eyes. “I’m going to kill you. When I get out of here, I’m going to shove my hand into your chest just to see if you have a heart. And god help you if I find one because I’m going to squeeze it until it explodes.” 

For a moment that smug, sure facade broke and you felt a little fear enter in, nice and icy. But he regained his composure, a twitch of a smile before he dropped his head, shaking it. “I knew there was a reason I liked you.” A small laugh left him. “By the time I’m through with you…” He lifted his gaze, watching you. “You’ll be in so much pain you’ll be begging me to put an end to you. And if you’re lucky, I just might.” Then he leaned in, hard, whispering in your ear. “But judging by where you are, I’d say your luck died a few days ago.” 

There was no more fear left in you. Not like him. He couldn’t scare you anymore. “I’m going to kill you.” You promised, quieter this time. And as the pain overtook and overloaded every last circuit in your brain you etched that promise into reality. “I’m going to kill you- I’m going to kill you-” 

“Keep it up.” Laughing on his way out. 

He remained a liar. Phase One of whatever this was felt like it dragged on for several agonizing hours. Hours you wasted screaming yourself hoarse. Hoping for a miracle, as lava snaked and danced over your skin, twining deep inside your muscles. Eventually the screams wrung out, and you were left murmuring to yourself a whisper of revenge you were sure you were going to enact as sweat dripped heavy from your brow and the room started to spin. You had to. You’d get out of here and put an end to that man. That man that had now tried to destroy your whole family. You would. You had to. 

At least that’s what you thought. But as another IV was loaded on your other arm, your path became not as clear. What had been a steady drip before had now become a rush. Like they really were pumping you full of whatever this stuff was- just like he’d promised. And it was unbearable. It made your muscles lock. Like being shocked, over and over and over again. As you strained against your restraints, it felt like your nerves were close to snapping. 

There was one last moment of clarity, as you slipped far beneath those waves. If you could just get to one of those goons and make them stop this- wouldn’t that be enough? Would you finally be able to do something on your own?

But the pain was so overwhelming, you felt ready to burst- ready to give in- ready to anything just to make it stop... You were sure somewhere on the surface you were crying. Calling out for someone- anyone- Tony- 

Then the worst thing of all happened. Not even the darkness could soothe you. Because as you opened your eyes, the fire consumed you. A scream unlike anything you’d ever heard in your life escaped you, as your hands moved as if they were being pulled by puppeteer strings, allowing that bright orange flame to escape through you- through every pore- 

It raced across the waves and the ripples- across all of it, lashing across every inch of that dark space- until it was dark no more. Until you gave in, letting it eat you up entirely, lighting up the very sky in a blinding blood red and orange. Trapping you there. Growing brighter and brighter until you could see no longer. The darkness had fled. The sky above you in that place was now alight with the same fire consuming you, as if your entire being was collapsing in flames, and you felt like you could see everyone around for miles. For a few seconds at least until you collapsed in on yourself like a supernova. Burning too hot. Burning too bright until your inevitable demise.

Just as the unbearable pain circled down, a second ear splitting, inhuman shriek leaving- it centered, you felt the dam break. 

And you were you no more. 

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 177

July of 2015 started off with a bang. Several, actually. Huge ones. The fourth of July celebration at the Tower went off without a hitch, even considering you’d asked really late in the game for it to be put together. But anything that helped the general public with their consensus that not only superheroes were a good thing but that Stark Industries was a good thing- that you were a good thing… greasing the wheels didn’t really hurt. You also established a block party zone for restaurants to give out free tastings and booze (all paid for by Stark Industries, of course), and blocked off watching spaces far enough away. 

It was wonderful, really. Everyone had a good time. The papers the next morning were mostly all going on about the spectacular displays (some of which were Avengers themed, of course) and the happy faces. Mostly though, this was tempting fate. Something you and Tony found out the very next night. A Sunday. You’d just left a restaurant in Poughkeepsie after a small business meeting. It was hot. You were a little tipsy. And a woman was waiting right next to your car in an otherwise very empty parking lot. 

She uncrossed her arms and gave Tony a wide smile. Alarm bells were ringing in the back of your mind. Tony’s, too, as he put an arm around your waist and halted a few feet away. “Can we help you?” 

“I imagine you can.” Her tone was polite but coy. Not something that soothed your nerves. Especially not when she reached into her jacket. Quickly you put a hand up, not that it would have prevented something terrible from happening. Not as immediate as a repulsor blast, anyway. “Let’s not do something stupid.” You didn’t sense something that off about her. 

But she hesitated, nervous suddenly. ...perhaps it wasn’t wise, after all, to startle Team Iron in a parking lot after dark. She stopped moving, considering her options. The both of you were on edge. If she had a weapon, she was rethinking pulling it. But she edged the top of her jacket back just a bit to reveal papers. 

That was when your hand dropped. And she pulled them out all the way. “You are hereby ordered to appear before the United States Senate.” 

Even though you weren’t looking at him, you felt the roll of Tony’s eyes. “Gee, this seems awfully familiar.”

“I was just thinking the same thing.” You put a hand on your hip- the hand that had been semi-threatening her (whether she truly understood or not), because you were not keen on taking hold of what she was offering. “They gonna tell him to give up the suits again? We’ve done this already. We have a military-liaison now. So whatever scheme they’re cooking up, he’s not going-”

She stuck her arm out hard, flourishing them. In your direction. “Actually, these are for you.” 

“Me?” “Her?” 

No surprise that both you and Tony took some offense to that. Probably for very different reasons. “July 13th.” She flapped the papers again and you finally took hold of them. No reason not to. This was happening whether you liked it or not. 

That was a Monday. Your brain was already churning. Once she’d done her duty she walked away, and you opened the packet, reading the highlights allowed. “-regarding the damage reports necessary to make prudent decisions and swift actions after the devastation in Sokovia.” Your stomach did a little flip. This was not good. 

Tony’s hand raised up, rubbing absently at your shoulder. “They’re just putting on a show.” 

“Yeah. Well.” Your gaze was not as steady as you would have liked as you glanced up at him. “We’re the main attraction.” 

                                                                    --- 

Press was absolutely everywhere that day. Crawling out of every hole. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, being back on Capitol Hill. Although at the very least, you knew you would not be facing down the rat known as Senator Stern. That wasn’t cause for complacency, though. If not him, it would be a different rat. All with the same motive. They wanted a spectacle. And they wanted someone to blame. 

It was actually a bit of a shock- that they wouldn’t call Tony, but instead you, as if you had any more pertinent information. But maybe they knew they wouldn’t get anything out of Tony, if his first and last senate appearance had been anything to go by. What they were hoping to get out of you… you didn’t know. As much as you could guess the motive for this, it was to pin blame on the Avengers. And for them to start doing that- that led down a very long and terrible road. 

One you’d warned not only Tony about, but the team. This was not what you wanted. This wasn’t even remotely what you wanted to be doing. But you didn’t have a choice. 

So you sat down at the table, in front of cameras going off, in front of microphones hot to pick up every word, and in front of senate members, all looking down on you. They’d immediately disallowed Tony from sitting at the table and instead remanded him to the seats behind. Taking away what little comfort you might find. The lights were getting a little blinding, but you made every effort to not show your nerves. Or your anger over the continued need to play this little blame game. 

...much as you may have been starting to understand it. 

The last time you’d been in this room was not with Tony, it had been with Natasha and Maria. Now it was just you. Alone. Isolated. If you said one wrong thing, if you made the exact wrong move… 

Everyone paid the price. 

Senator Wenham was taking charge. Not a man you admired. He’d been one of the harshest critics during the hearings about the fall of SHIELD. It was no surprise to see him bearing down. He opened with lengthy remarks about how terrible he felt about the people of Sokovia. But eventually that empathy ran out, and he made his position perfectly clear. That Americans- the United States Government- should not be penalized for the failure of rogue superheroes. That they should not be asked to bleed red, white, and blue for a nation that had never done anything for them. 

America first. The cry of god-fearing nationalists. And what a perfect time to get those so-called Americans onboard with such a terrible notion. Ellis was up for reelection next year. You had a very big idea of who was filling his pockets. You took dry questions that were just meant as set up. 

What was the death toll in Sokovia? What’s the estimated damage? What do you think recovery is going to look like? How long?

It took hours to get through. Hours to finally make it to the point of all this. 

“What do you have to say for yourself?” 

Hours to get to the point where you and your team got accused of everything. You settled your hands together atop the table. Ever the picture of poise. “Can you elaborate, Senator?” 

“Your people defected. Went rogue. Crossed sovereign borders with no orders to do so. The results of which are some of the biggest devastation this world has ever seen. Why are we being asked to pick up the tab for idealized justice? Why are we being asked to grant refuge to the people a small group are responsible for?” 

You kept very still. “I take great exception to this idea that the Avengers were not acting in the United States’ best interest, Senator Wenham. President Ellis was well aware of our operation.” A shock ran through the room, and murmurs began. “Maybe not as aware as you, but I’ll take an apology whenever you’re ready to give it.” 

This was a very dangerous game you were being forced to play. It was no surprise that the senate had told Ellis, maybe even gotten his permission, that they were going to subpoena you on behalf of the Avengers. It was also no surprise to you that Ellis had forgotten to mention that he in fact did know what the Avengers had been up to. You’d forced his hand on that one. And were forcing it again now. He had told you in no uncertain terms that he had wanted nothing to do with the Sokovians. And you’d basically had to blackmail him to do the right thing. 

They were going to look into this. Wenham especially, turning red up there behind his mic. 

You were making a fool of him. And Ellis. At the same time. 

“Order!” The moderator called the room to silence once again. Wenham sat up straighter. “Be that as it may- I ask you- why with a financier as grand as Stark Industries pooling money for the Avengers should the United States government have to clean up after their mistakes?” 

“Saving Sokovia was not a mistake, Senator. And were it not for the Avengers, we wouldn’t even have a world in which you’d be here questioning me about the merits of right and wrong.” People were talking all around you again. You tuned them out. “Which, by the way, if you need some tips- saving lives is always right. We can agree to disagree on the definition of justice, but by no means does it have any room for interpretation in the way of saving people or letting them die.” 

He put a hand down hard on his table. “The Avengers are responsible for Ultron! For the very thing that caused this massacre!” 

“And this government has paid its fair dues I’m sure for all the atrocities it has caused throughout history, usually with very real intent of harm.” 

“We’re not questioning intent, ma’am, we’re questioning responsibility!” 

“ORDER!” 

The room was breaking out in an uncharacteristic fever pitch. These hearings were usually so droll. But not with the state of democracy on the line. Not with the zoo in tow. Not with an Avenger on the stand. Not one so combative, at that. “The Avengers took responsibility. By stopping Ultron. Just like how Tony Stark stopped a nuke a security council tried to drop on New York City- because they had no way of stopping an alien invasion. You want to talk about responsibility, let’s start talking about how this government handles crisis management. How the world handles crisis management.

Ultron was a mistake. We don’t deny that. But the Avengers did what they had to do to save lives. This world cannot exist in its current form without a team looking out for its best interests. Looking out for people that their governments care very little about. What was this government going to do about Ultron? Or the aliens in New York? You’d have sooner abandoned your own city- so I hold out no hope whatsoever that you or any of those people up there judging us would act in the name of justice to save anyone.

The Sokovians deserved better than what happened to them. And they deserve better than waiting for the world to get its shit together so that they can get help. Do the right thing. That’s all we’re asking. That’s all they’re asking. Because next time it could be us. Next time it could be anyone. We have to pull together. I don’t know how that didn’t become apparent when aliens came to this planet- forget New York City- this planet. We need each other. We need the Avengers. We don’t have time any longer to squabble.” 

Senators were talking amongst themselves. People in the back of the room were speaking over each other. Cameras were going off. You stood. Wenham put his hand down hard on the table a second time. “We are not finished here! You do not leave that bench until you are excused! If you leave you will be held in contempt of congress!” 

“You’re going to put me in jail for the night as proof that you’re on the right side of this debate? Really think about that for a second.” You’d make bail the second you stepped foot inside a jailhouse. It didn’t scare you to be threatened that way. It wasn’t even really much of a threat. 

He pointed his finger at you. “This is not over.” 

“No. It isn’t.” 

This was a mess. And it was only just beginning. 

                                                                   ---

Tony had his arm around your waist as the two of you walked down from the courthouse steps. You put your hand up to stem the flow of incessant questions. You had nothing to say after that. Not to reporters. Happy was doing his best to mitigate the crowd. You weren’t expecting to see Steve and Nat waiting in front of the car. 

Steve put his hands on his hips. “Well. That was a mess.” 

A little incensed that you’d been forced into that and yelled at, alone, for the better part of four hours, Tony predictably snapped at the insinuation that you’d blown that in any way. Just a little. “We’re just lucky they didn’t call you. Can’t imagine the soundbites you’d have given them.” 

“And why didn’t they?” Steve seemed to take a little offense to this. “Why was she up there all alone? We might not have known but you were here.”

 “Subpoena only had one name on it. Maybe you’re not really that familiar with government circuses, but I wasn’t called. And neither were you. Nothing to be done about it. Simple as that.”

You and Nat were both stuck doing clean-up, and you got there first. “Let’s not do this right here.” 

Nat waved her arm around. “You know. In front of all the cameras?” 

So you didn’t. Corralling them into the car wasn’t hard. Finding a restaurant far enough out that the media wasn’t lurking around for more opportunity was just a touch trickier. But not impossible. And eventually you got a secluded back table at a restaurant. 

Natasha was the first one to try and break the ice. “So. I thought last we spoke you wanted out?” 

You just shook your head. “Like I wanna be testifying in front of congress. Like it’s my dream.” Your nerves were a little frayed. She didn’t deserve that. So, quickly, “I’m sorry. I’m just… I’m tired.” 

“No apology necessary.” Her smile was easy, and you knew she understood. Thank god for small miracles. 

Steve crossed his arms. “Why not call all of us? We were all there.” 

“Because it’s not about who was there.” Tony let out a bitter sigh. He was just as tired it seemed. “It’s about bullying one person on the team in front of cameras. It’s about demanding accountability and hoping they get pushback. This wasn’t about Sokovia.” 

Tilting his head, Steve seemed a little confused. But his tone was still brisk while he was addressing Tony. It was pinging some serious red flags in your gut. “Then what was it about?” 

You felt a chill creep up your spine at almost the exact time a little life left you. “Superheroes. And the mess they leave behind.” 

Steve seemed itching for a fight. It was strange. “There’d be an even bigger mess without us.” You wondered for a moment if something bad was going on at the Facility. 

Nat shook her head. “They don’t really care about that. This isn’t so much bigger picture as it is what’s right in front of them. Sokovia disappeared in seconds. Doesn’t matter that the other flip of that coin was world destruction. You always need someone to blame.” 

“Property damage. Lives lost. It falls on someone. That someone is us.” You felt entirely dejected. But it was the truth. ...and also the exact thing you’d warned Tony about a long time ago. 

Tony didn’t want to fall back in, though. “Well. Not us. We’re out. Still out. This was a momentary setback.” 

Words started falling out of you. “Damage Control… the Stark Relief Fund… they can only do so much. People are getting tired of it. Of wondering when the next big thing is gonna hit. All that fear is gonna fall on us-”

“The team.” Tony was very quick with his correction. The two of you had just left. How was it that not even two months later you were back in? “We handled this one because we didn’t have a choice. But we trust you guys to keep fighting the good fight. Just. Make sure it’s a clean fight. That’s all we’re saying.” 

Nat flexed an ok symbol with her fingers. “Got it, boss.” 

“I’m not your boss.” 

“You’re lecturing like one.” 

They were smiling at each other. That was nice. But you were suddenly very empty on niceness. Steve was staring at you. In fact… he’d been staring at you the entire time. Frown heavy-set. He didn’t like any of this, that was obvious. But who did, really? He was upset. And as soon as he got caught looking at you like that, he voiced some of it. “Where’s this road end? Just waitin’ for the other shoe to drop, here.” 

You shook your head. “Let’s not find out, shall we?” 

                                                                   ---

“They had a lot of nerve, showing up like that.” Despite the amicable ending to the meeting, on the short jet ride home, Tony was still a little ruffled. 

“We didn’t call them. Maybe we should have.” You sat on the couch, easing forward, hand to your forehead. “It was probably a shock, finding out I was testifying on their behalf. They had every right to go there.” You took no issue with them being a little miffed. ...Steve more than anyone. In fact… “Did Steve seem weird to you?” Looking over at him as you asked. 

“Who knows what goes on in the mind of Steve Rogers. He’s all over the map. Weren’t you just taking his side, anyway?” Tony sat down after fixing himself a drink, putting one leg up over the other. 

“His temper has been out of control.” Was that it? Apparently that’s the judgment call you were making. 

“Just realizing that now? He’s always been like that. If he doesn’t get his way, suddenly everyone is against him.” 

“He hasn’t always been like that.” Shaking your head now, sitting back. Your thoughts were murky. “Sure- he’s set in his ways- but so are you. And you’re pretty consistent about it. Something’s changed.” 

Tony’s lips pursed to the side, arching a brow. “Well. There’s a therapist in the Facility. Sounds like a job for them. And not so much for the opinions of others.” He took a long sip, attitude fading as he looked over at you. “...why are you so worried about it now?” 

What a great question. 

One that had you thinking. Why now indeed? You took a deep breath in and then let it go as a sigh. Your thoughts weren’t collecting nearly as well as you wanted them to. So, safe with Tony as always, you just started talking. “He’s in charge of that team. Before it was kind of a group effort, but he’s a dominating personality. He’s in charge. We’re out. Right? What if they get into a mess and everyone starts arguing with him? I don’t think he’s gonna blow everyone up, but that’s a mess we can’t afford right now. I mean- he attacked you at the Facility, over JARVIS. What if I hadn’t been standing there?” 

“Honey- he was making a point-” 

“That’s not-” You found yourself bugging out just a little, brows squinching as your head reeled back. “Are you defending him?” 

“Not remotely. But I think you’re going down a strange path here.” 

“He threw his shield at you. At you.” 

“And you fired a shot off at him. What’s the difference? Everyone was having a tough day.” 

This was a difficult discussion to have. You realized Tony wasn’t defending Steve so much as he wasn’t defending himself. “What if he’d thrown his shield at me? To get me to stop?” 

Realization caught in Tony’s gaze. But he still wouldn’t budge. “He wouldn’t do that.” 

This was going nowhere. “I’m just… something happened. Something between New York and Sokovia.” Why were you just realizing it now? You wanted to excuse yourself. So much going on, but… “And he needs to be neat and clean right now. We can’t afford something terrible. A mission going awry or- god forbid a team discussion out in the middle of heavy fire.” 

Reaching over, Tony laid his hand on your shoulder, massaging there in a light squeeze. “They’ll be alright. We promised ourselves they could handle this. Isn’t that why they’re there, and we’re here?” 

“Something happened.” You found yourself saying this again, softer. Thinking. Really thinking now. Three of you had been responsible for Ultron. You. Tony. Bruce. But Steve’s aggression had been centered on you and Tony- ...maybe mostly on Tony. Hadn’t they argued in Clint’s yard, too? Something so terrible it had really upset Tony that day. It had been easy to forget in the face of alien shapeshifters, but now… “You and Steve have always had modest respect but… I don’t know- we were fine and then suddenly he painted a target on you.” 

“I think you’re overthinking things. And. Not that I don’t enjoy it- but being a little overprotective of me.” 

Was that it? Was that really it? 

You just weren’t sure anymore. Maybe you should have had a bigger discussion with him, before you’d left. Maybe. You were always living in the mire of maybes. “His new World War Two exhibit is opening next week- at the Met. I’m sure he’ll go. I think I need to talk to him.” 

Tony saddened very suddenly. “Are you sure about this? Look- maybe you’re right. Maybe Rogers has had a strange attitude adjustment. The world’s not what he envisioned. But just. Sleep on it, okay? If it still doesn’t feel right… then go.” 

All too late you realized why this was pinging a strange sense of hurt for him. He didn’t think he was worth all this trouble. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. “You’re important to me, you know?” Turning, you reached your hand up, settling it over his heart. “I think we rushed. And I missed my chance to tell him- maybe it doesn’t matter because we’re not there anymore- but I take great exception to the way he treated you.” Seemed like you were doing a lot of that lately. “And whatever’s going on with him- probably doesn’t have anything to do with you- but he needs to figure it out. Because if he doesn’t, we’re gonna be on the other end of whatever that ends up looking like.” 

Cleaning up whatever mess that made. Steve was still young- technically speaking. Tony may have been on to something. Steve might have been coming to a bitter realization that things were not the way he thought they would be. It was affecting him. Maybe Tony was just an easy target. Loud, brash, outwardly egotistical, and easily settling into the famed lifestyle of a hero. And maybe Steve had settled into a life that was too much. It was why you’d asked him many times to try and find some avenues outside being a hero.

Or maybe it was something else entirely. 

But whatever it was Steve needed a talking to, for Tony’s sake, if nothing else. But also because if he seriously didn’t figure it out, he could be the reason somebody else on that team got too heated. Being on the end of Steve’s staredowns was not easy. They didn’t need to become a concoction ready to explode. They needed to be okay. And you needed to make sure they were. Maybe you hadn’t done your due diligence after all. Always and forever- Maybe. 

Tony’s lips twitched a brief smile. “I love you. I’m not gonna stand in your way of giving anybody a verbal beatdown. I’ll be sorry to miss it.” He didn’t think he was worth defending, but all the same, it filled his heart to have somebody that would go to bat for him. Every time. Because you would. ...even if it was a little late. “Just. Sleep on it, okay?” 

You gave a small nod. “Okay. I will.” You would. But… 

Your mind was already made up.