#In fact we've tried to become independent multiple times

[twrambling]

im cooking a lot of stuff rn but Zulia is such an interesting,, state to make an oc out of.

I think that out of all the venezuelan states he's the most independent and the only one that could rival Caracas and even Lolo himself in terms of importance.

Zulia could probably exist without Venezuela but can Venezuela exist without Zulia?

[ask-barbie]

Hi, looking for advice. For years, I have unwillingly been shoehorned into a "therapist friend" role for someone who used to be my best friend. We've had a long history and been through a lot together, getting each other through the hardest times and creating a lot of fun memories. But over time the reciprocation slowly waned. For example, I've stayed up for hours many nights comforting them, but when I came to them looking for support or even just to talk, the conversation would very quickly turn to themselves or their interests; if I ask them how their day went, the question is never returned, and on the rare occasions they approach be with a "how are you" it's because they just want to vent to me. It's gotten to the point where I've stopped divulging anything to them - good or bad - because I'm tired of being ignored or talked over, and they never ask me about my life anymore. I've brought up my feelings to them many times, and they always promised to do better in the future, but still the only time they want to talk to me is to use me as a sounding board. I can't even encourage them to talk to a therapist because they already have one! I recognize that this is codependent and terribly unhealthy, but the main thing keeping me from parting ways besides our history is the fact that I am genuinely their only friend. I don't want to leave them high and dry, but I also have been unsuccessful in setting boundaries with them multiple times. Do you have any advice?

Hello!

I need to do better with the quick responses, I’m sorry!

Thank you for reaching out, you sound like a kind and caring person and sometimes people take advantage of that kindness and don’t reciprocate. I’m sorry this is happening about a close friend of yours, I’ve actually been there. You feel a responsibility to be there for them no matter what and feel guilty if you don’t want to play that role anymore. But being their only friend doesn’t mean you should hold onto that responsibility. People need to be able to grow and become independent and putting some space may let them get there and will also give you the space to let yourself grow as well. It’s very good that you have tried to set boundaries so I’m proud of you; but if someone has no self awareness, even conversations pointing out what is wrong may not cause them to change. So if they are still not showing that they understand your feelings and are going to be considerate and kind back to you, you definitely have to put yourself first. I love the quote “don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” You have been there for them so much and it may be time to take a break. You don’t necessarily have to sever ties, but you have to be true to yourself and take care of you first. If someone is draining your energy, how will you take care of you? Be a little less available and maybe they will realize something is off and gain some self awareness so things can change. You deserve to feel appreciated and not just there for convenience. If you leave a little distance, they may also find someone else to pawn their vents and problems to as well. It’s difficult when you’ve known them a long time and those memories will always be there but knowing what you deserve is so important- a friendship should not be one sided. I hope that helped and I hope you find people who will reciprocate your thoughtfulness and kindness 💓

[afsanarancy]

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[cambriancrew]

You wanna use a disorder as proof of validity as a system? Consider this.

While we don't fit the criteria for a disorder now, we know for sure that if we tried NOT to be multiple, we would become disordered practically overnight. Any threat to each other from within the Crew would cause us to fall apart, quite literally.

And this is how we know that:

We Crew are multiple whether you or we like it or not. Our experiences make that entirely too blatant to ignore.

And we're all stubbornly independent and powerfully attached to living.

And while we're very cooperative, we've tested our strengths against each other. Our ability to take and hold the front. Our ability to hide information and memories and keep secrets.

We know for a fact that Varyn outmatches me most of the time. Him and anyone else helping, wins every time.

It may be harder for Jas to get into the front than anyone else, and she needs Varyn's help usually to get there, but once she's in there, there is no budging her out. She and Varyn could almost certainly take over our day to day responsibilities, just the two of them by themselves, without breaking a sweat.

And so we know for certain that if I tried to make us NOT be multiple. If I tried to get rid of them. To kill them. We know they'd fight back.

And while it wouldn't be all that quick - I'm a damn strong fighter myself - they would ultimately win. And they wouldn't win by destroying me, but by locking me away where I couldn't harm them.

And in the process, we'd certainly end up with memory issues - locking me away would make it much tougher to access any of my personal memories, and I'd fight to keep them to myself. We'd be fighting for control, so there'd be a lot of uncontrolled/noncooperative switching. Trying to harm each other or defend ourselves from being harmed by each other would bring a A LOT of trauma right back to the surface, since all of us in the Crew either have experience with being violently attacked by people we trusted, or watching it happen to others we care about. Plus the pain of grieving for the loss of me as a trusted friend. Consequently there'd be massive DP/DR issues - Jas already deals with those some, and fighting to keep this body alive without hurting any of the Crew would certainly make those worse.

In other words, we'd fit the criteria for DID. Even without having trauma as our origins.

I'm neither stupid enough nor cruel enough to try to harm my Crew. Nor are they - we all swore an oath to uphold our Crew Code of Conduct which explicitly forbids that, and we're all too damn stubborn to break that oath. Too loyal, too.

But we know that there is no way for us to become a singlet again without becoming disordered.

So where the hell does that leave us?

We're healthy.

We're a system.

We're many in one head and body. Living one life out here together as best as we can, though God knows our best is not all that great sometimes.

And we're neither stupid enough nor mean enough to try to hurt each other just to get a stupid diagnosis just to prove a damn point to a bunch of teenage assholes on the internet with nothing better to do than to set themselves up as some grand arbiter of what can and can't exist in someone else's head.

Nor are we interested in doing any of that just to be an acceptable singlet for the comfort of any other closed-minded numbskull like my ex.

Sorry but we're just not that evil nor do we care that much about what anyone thinks of us.

We only care about the opinions of people who actually care about us as people. We care about our own opinions of ourselves. And the three of us who are spiritually minded care about what our God(dess) thinks of us.

And we don't care one iota if that bothers you.