#Interlopers Invaders Investigators and Doom | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

diloph · 5 years

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Interlopers, Invaders, Investigators and Doom: Chapter 8

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Now that the Doctor has been kidnapped, it looks like Dib and Gaz only have one option left.

Well, no, actually. They have several. Just don't tell Zim that.

In the not-too-distant future, unstoppable forces collide when the Doctor arrives in the middle of Invader Zim’s latest plan to take over the Earth. But unfortunately for the pair of them, Dib and Gaz, the four are drawn into a terrible plot that endangers not only the Earth, but the Irken Empire and possibly the whole universe as well!

Gaz sighed. This was not her day.

Not that being knocked out, kidnapped and “menaced” by possibly the dumbest beings in the universe left her with great expectations for the rest of the evening, but...

How had everything turned out so badly?

So she'd been caught off guard in the beginning, okay, that much she'd admit. And that bit with the energy shackles, that wasn't going to happen again, even if Zim got the drop on her. She'd already figured out how they worked and if necessary, how to break out of them.

But even when the pair had been restrained and threatened with planetary destruction, they were never in any danger. Zim was an idiot and a predictable one at that. He would blunder about, making empty threats towards them and the Earth, but ultimately he'd end up causing more damage to himself than any of his intended targets.

That was what Gaz had come to expect by now and she could tune that out. She might've been apathetic to the war between him and Dib, but she wasn't complacent. Give her a reason and she'd squash him in a heartbeat, like she did with many of her “problems”. Zim was just another loud, obnoxious noise that got on her nerves, nothing she needed to worry about.

And then everything had started to go wrong.

What should have been an ordinary encounter with the Irken Invader had instead been turned into a parade of irritation, thanks to the arrival of the latest in a line of idiot aliens. It was almost as if the Doctor was trying his hardest to make himself as much of a nuisance as Dib and Zim were. Perhaps moreso, if his attempt to be serious with her had held any weight.

Though, considering Tak's pet robot had just punched him out, Gaz wasn't holding her breath.

Tak's return had also thrown a spanner in the works. Not that Gaz was worried that she had kidnapped the Doctor, he wasn't her concern, but getting the Irken to release her hold over both Bloaty's Pizza Hog and herself were now a top priority. Her freedom and her pizza were more important to her than fretting over another loser, alien or not. Even if the scenarios were intertwined.

Urgh, she hated it when that happened. Dealing with the various weirdos in their lives was Dib's job.

Speaking of Dib, she glanced over at the static figure of her brother, then scowled at him. Ever since the skinny man had been abducted, the self-proclaimed cryptid hunter had been staring at the spot where the SIR and her unconscious prisoner had vanished. Dib hadn't moved since.

While she'd normally appreciate the silence, it was a little unusual for her brother to be so quiet after all that. Dib should have started screaming about some sort of plan as soon as the Doctor was taken. What had gotten into him?

Still, rather than stand in the alleyway and ponder that all night, Gaz cleared her throat instead. “You’ve been standing there for a while now,” she yawned, “Can we leave yet? It's been a long day. I'm beginning to feel a little worn out.”

Dib snapped to life, whipping around. “But Gaz, you saw all that, right?!” he said, gesturing up at the rooftop. “The Doctor! Stolen! Tak! Cat! Freaky! I can't believe this! After everything I've read about him and he just... surrenders? Just like that?”

“Disappointing, isn't it?” drawled Gaz. Now that he was back to normal, she'd already began to regret bringing it up to herself in the first place. “And shut up already. Your shrieking is giving me a headache.”

Her brother looked aghast. “Can you blame me?! We're under the control of a horrible alien monster, aren't you a little freaked out by that?!” Dib asked. Gaz shot her brother a flat, unamused look.

“No. I'm tired and bored, Dib. This sort of thing happens every other week. You're overreacting, even more than you normally do. It's like you've been freaked out all day and it's really bugging me.” she pointed out.

Her comment went ignored. “Gaz. This is serious!” Dib replied. “Even if he's a good guy, the Swollen Eyeballs said he's still dangerous. What if Tak's kidnapped him so she could steal his technology?! If Zim wanted it so badly, then she'll probably want it too! She might even try to brainwash him to help her conquer the Earth! And we'd be helpless!”

“As if either of you has a brain to wash...” his sister rolled her eyes. “Dib, you're acting like the mind control is a big deal. I could've broken out of the hypnosis if I'd wanted to.” she snorted. Gaz glared at Dib when he shot her a flat look. “Really, I could've!”

“Yeah, well, I'd be helpless then.” he replied. Dib shook his head and began to pace back and forth, thinking aloud. “Now, a plan, a plan... well, I don't think it'd be a good idea to hack into robots that are in our intestines. That... could end up going horribly wrong, but we can't just go home either. Tak might be waiting there to trap us.”

With a frustrated sigh, Dib dismissed whatever he'd thought of and began muttering furiously to himself. Gaz watched him and frowned. She could almost hear his brain overloading as his paranoia dashed every solution he could come up with.

Sure, the odds were against them, but it wasn't that hard. Tak couldn't be everywhere at once, for obvious reasons. While she did have her robotic servant, now that it had captured the Doctor, the odds of the pair being captured as well were dramatically reduced, at least for the time being.

Asides from any surveillance she might have them under, that left Tak precious little in the way of options. She could retreat to her base to recover after the Doctor's attempt to fry her brain, but that could backfire with the siblings still actively trying to stop her. Like before, the wrong information in the wrong hands, like those little chips the Doctor had been carrying, could lead to the Irken's downfall. Gaz imagined she wouldn't like to repeat that scenario.

Another possibility was that she could try to capture the two children, which was easier said than done. Even though the robot had probably told her where they were by now, neither the alien nor the kids were stupid enough to believe they'd stay in the same place.

That left an increasingly likely third option. If Tak decided to go to their house to retrieve her ship, she stood to gain the most there. Not only would she be taking away a powerful tool that the siblings could use against her, it was possible that the Irken could try to capture them too, just as Dib had said. She might even try to take their father as a hostage.

No, Gaz assured herself, she wouldn't do that. Now that she had captured Dib's stupid friend, she already had one. She might dislike the Irken, but Gaz was fairly sure she was as pragmatic as she was. One hostage would be enough.

Still, if she did go to their home, that decision would net Tak one advantage, with the possibility of a second and a hopefully avoidable third. As far as Gaz's logic went, that would be Tak's plan.

Which, unfortunately, narrowed their own choice to just one option.

Dib snapped his fingers and spun back to his sister, interrupting her train of thought. “I got it!” he beamed. “Tak may be able to control our brains. She might figure out a way to control the Doctor's. But what if we could get somebody who's not been brainwashed and get them to help us?!”

Gaz sighed again. Yep, there it was. The same realisation, not matter how much she disliked it.

“Surely you don’t mean-“

“UNACCEPTABLE!” Zim bellowed.

The little Irken was in a foul mood and had been ever since he'd left the Doctor and Dib to their little Bloaty's excursion. Not that anyone could blame him, he'd returned home to chaos; his Roboparents were still broken, he still couldn't get into the Doctor's blue box no matter what he did to it and now... this! His worst enemy... his absolute arch-enemy, the Dib and his wretched sister-minator, had appeared on his doorstep and were now demanding his aid.

It was safe to say that Zim wasn't being very cooperative.

“We haven’t even told you anything yet.” Dib sighed, glancing behind him. It was getting late... really late and truth be told, even though he was used to running on adrenaline, his willpower was beginning to ebb. Even Gaz, who he'd always known to be indomitable, looked a little worn out. Their fault for being night-owls, he supposed.

But for the sleepless Irken, the day-night cycle was irrelevant. Zim seemed to get by on just the sheer force of his own self-absorbed personality. That meant, even though they were tired, cranky and arguably desperate, he was just as helpful as ever. Which was to say, not at all.

A forceful jab from Zim jarred Dib from his thoughts and back to the waking world, the little green alien bearing down on him with a scowl on his face. “Oh, believe me, Dib-stink. Anything you say or do here, other than surreeender is futile and kinda stupid.” he pointed out. “WHY DO YOU BOTHER ZIM?!”

Dib brushed the finger away, then started to explain. “Look, Zim, I don't like it any more than you do. We came here because Tak’s back and her robot kidnapped the Doctor-”

Zim looked confused. “Um... the who now?” he asked, before he snapped his fingers, “Oh yeah. That guy. Heh, yeah, name totally escaped me for a moment there.” he said, miming something flying over his head. “Zoom.”

Gaz stared at him for a moment, then continued where Dib left off. “Yeah, anyway, Dib wants to rescue the only person dumb enough to stroke his ego and stop Tak before-”

That was as far as she got before Zim interrupted her too, back to screeching volume. “Tak? Taaaaaaaaaaaak?!” he bellowed. “Why did she come back to this little mudball?!”

“You. She came back for you.” Gaz answered, before reaching forwards to grab the pointed triangle of Zim's collar. “And if you interrupt me again and waste even more of my time, I'll make you wish that you'd never been born.”

“Grown.” Zim corrected, his voice sheepish.

Gaz dropped him with a disdainful growl and invited herself inside. Stepping over Zim, she approached the comparatively huge form of the TARDIS that sat slightly askew in the centre of the sitting room. “We could just use this.” she pointed out.

“Hey, hey! Get away from that!” Zim barked, leaping to his feet. He rushed between Gaz and the TARDIS, spreading his arms wide to bar her path. “It's mine! MINE!”

He was met with a cold stare, but Zim had already built up enough momentum to regain his composure. Reaching into his PAK, Zim took out a large, white sheet and tried to cover the TARDIS like it was an ill-fitting, three-meter-tall lamp. Once tossed, however, the sheet lost none of its momentum and it slid off the other side, falling into a pathetic-looking heap. The trio watched it fall in silence.

Dib sighed and pinched his nose. They might've held the same view for different reasons, but Gaz was right. This was taking too long. “Look, Zim, if you're not going to help us fight Tak, then at least let us take the box or let us find another one of the little sonic things that the Doctor had.” he said. “We can make that our Plan A instead.”

Zim narrowed his eyes, watching Dib cautiously step inside the base as well. “Elaborate, Earth-dronoid.” he ordered.

“Erm... okay,” Dib frowned, “Well, we need something that will give us some kind of advantage and the Doctor just arrived here today. He's got to have something in that space... ship... box... machine that can help us!”

“TARDIS.” Gaz corrected, “He called it a TARDIS.”

“Timeship?” Zim asked.

“TARDIS.”

“Tesseract?” he asked again. Gaz glared at him.

“TARDIS.” she repeated, insistently this time. Zim blinked.

“Hypercube?”

After a day of being kidnapped, manhandled, patronised, hypnotised and insulted, Gaz justifiably snapped at Zim's ignorance. “THAT’S IT.” she declared, lunging at the alien. Zim wasn't quick enough to dodge, so she pinned him against the blue wood exterior of the TARDIS and raised a threatening fist.

Luckily for the “Invader”, he was saved from being eviscerated by the sudden appearance of GIR, stomping out of the kitchen. His optics flickered between his usual cyan and his blood-red duty mode and the robot seemed oddly annoyed.

“If I tolds you once, I've tolds you twice! You kids better quit that racket! Some of us have to stop the trash-cans from makin' the ant farms dance tomorrow!” he scolded.

It wasn't much, but the interruption bought Zim enough time to slip from Gaz's fingers and relocate himself out of her reach. Gaz didn't attempt to reclaim her grip, anger fading back to irritation again. She instead watched as the robot padded towards the sheet on the floor and curled up on it, then fell fast asleep.

“Never thought I'd be jealous of him.” she muttered under her breath. Gaz turned her attention back to Zim. “So, what'll it be? Are you going to give us the box or am I going to have to turn you inside out?”

Zim glared pointedly at Gaz, who returned the icy look. “Whether I give you what is mine or not is irrelevant,” he declared, “I've been trying to get it open all day. The lock on the device isn't impenetrable… I just… haven’t… tried… more.”

Much to the Irken's annoyance, Dib also approached the TARDIS and began to pace around it, looking it up and down. The boy frowned. Asides from the weird police box design, the space-time ship didn't exactly look too out of the ordinary. It was made of wood, it had a set of doors and said doors only had a simple silver lock to secure them... so what was the issue?

He ran a finger over it, trying to feel for anything unusual. “It’s got a normal lock… but you can’t pick it? Like at all?” he asked Zim.

Unconsciously, Zim shook his head, then immediately back-pedalled. “Yeah! Yeah I’ve been in it! Oh, yeah, you should see it, woo, yeah.”

“We've all been in it. The problem is that we can't get in it right now.” Dib frowned. “Alright, whatever. But if we can’t open it, then it’s pointless to-”

Losing her temper again, Gaz pushed her brother out of the way and slammed her fist into the blue wooden panelling of the TARDIS. Her fist hit home with a dull boom and deafened them for a second.

Slowly, Gaz removed her hand from the undented wood and inspected both carefully. “Hm. I think,” she said calmly, “That I just broke every single bone in my hand…”

If she was in pain, she didn't show it, other than calmly shaking her hand to coax the feeling back into it. Now that the nuclear option of Gaz using force had failed, it seemed like getting into the TARDIS wasn't going to happen.

Zim made clear that he thought as much, the Invader sneering at the display. “And what was that supposed to achieve?” he asked. Gaz shrugged.

“It's been a long day. I felt like I needed that.” she replied. Zim rolled his big pink eyes, not-so-covertly massaging his own knuckles as he continued to lecture her.

“Did you not think that I'd already tried hitting it?!” Zim scolded. “Besides, you didn't hit it hard enough! I did and my healing nanites still haven’t finished repairing the superficial damage!”

“Alright, Plan B it is.” Dib muttered under his breath. Now that they knew that they weren't going to get into the TARDIS, the two children had no choice but to do the unthinkable. Asking Zim for help had already proven to be a herculean labour... even without asking him yet, but they had to try.

“Okay, so,” Dib cleared his throat, “Zim! You hate Tak, don't you?”

Zim seemed to be expecting this, leaning on the TARDIS casually. “Try not care and we’re sorta on the same wavelength.” he replied, frowning. “I’m not helping you! I don’t like you, your sister, the Doctor or his box! Don’t ask me for help! Zim will never stoop to your level of squishiness.”

“Tak is here for you.” Dib pointed out, but that got the same reaction as before, one of mild indifference.

“So?” scoffed Zim. “In my all-seeing wisdom, I had already prepared for the day when that horrible renegade shows her horrible, traitorous face again. GIR! BRING... THE ANVIIIIIIIL!!”

Grumbling and groaning, GIR rose from his sheet and dragged a monstrous-looking piece of equipment from Zim's kitchen. It looked more like a complex mess of industrial tubing than a weapon and upon it, there was a crude drawing of what was probably intended to be Tak, though it looked more like a lime than anything else.

Zim smirked, gesturing grandly at the machine. “Behold, the Anvil! Now do you see the scope of my ingenious plans?” he asked. “Do not be concerned if your bowels just voided themselves, for that is an expected reaction to seeing my genius in the metallic flesh!”

Dib stared at the Anvil, then back to Zim. He pointed at a label below the drawing. “There's a tag on it that says it's an industrial extractor fan.” he pointed out. Zim strode over to the Anvil and ripped off the label and handed it to GIR, who took a bite out of it without fanfare.

“Yes, well, the weapon's function is beyond the tiny brain, that is for some reason, housed within your monstrously huge skull.” Zim said, waving off his concerns. “Do not criticise what you can never hope to understand, child.”

“My head's not big.” Dib growled. He turned on his heels and threw up his hands. “Gah, why do I even bother?! Come on, Gaz! Zim can't help us. We're on our own!”

“No, you're on your own.” Gaz corrected him. “I'm going home.”

“But what about Tak?!” asked Dib.

“What about her?! If she was going to ambush us at the house, she'll have gotten bored waiting for us by now!” his sister growled. “Chances are she's already given up. I'm going home!”

Dib sighed. “Fine. Don't come crying to me, either of you!” he said, frustrated. Turning towards the door to leave, he stopped when he found that Zim had barred their path once again. It was a little irritating that he wouldn't let them either in or out.

“Hey, woah, woah, woah,” Zim said, jabbing a finger at Dib, “I never said that I couldn't help you slimy amoebas!” he argued.

This time, it was Gaz’s turn to be annoyed at Zim’s hypocritical ways. “Yes. Yes you did.” she glared. Zim returned her glare with interest, if that was possible.

“I don’t want to help you,” he explained, “I don’t need to help you. But if you think I can’t, then I’m just going to have to teach you how wrong you are.”

“Erm... why?” Dib asked, his eyebrow arching.

“Because you're stupid! Despite the many, many times I have demonstrated my obviously superior capabilities, you human pig-smellies never seem to understand just what I'm capable of.” said the Irken. “You have my assistance in recapturing your weird skinny freak-man, if only so that I may gloat when I destroy him in front of your sad, weeping eyes all over again!”

Both children stared at him. “Y'know, that seems like a lot of effort to go to just to spite us-” Dib pointed out.

“Yes, yes, you can thank me later.” Zim waved off the observation. “And you will thank me. And beg for mercy. And ask me to spare you from thanking me. BECAUSE I AM ZIM!”

Exchanging perplexed looks, the siblings broke into another discussion as GIR appeared to argue with his master about the noise Zim was making.

“So, he was a little vague. Is Zim helping us or not?” Gaz wondered.

“I think. We can guess that he’ll betray us later, we can bet on that.” Dib muttered to his sister, glancing behind him as GIR pointed out that it was long past the time of the aardvarks to return.

“Well. That’s reassuring.” Gaz drawled, noticing that the argument drew to a close when Zim pointed out that it was his base. GIR shrugged, rubbing his optics. He settled on his cyan colouring once more, and yawned loudly.

“That’s great and all,” he muttered, “But I wish you’d lemme sleep and stuff. I have to fly the satsuma later…”

“Ow.”

The Doctor groaned as he finally came to, his head aching. Not that he wasn't used to getting knocked out by now, particularly via a punch to the head, but it never made it any easier for him when it was time to wake up. He opened one eye, then the other and sighed as he took in his surroundings.

He was stuck in some sort of dark pink room, lit only by the large screen of the computer terminal opposite him. As had been the case with the children earlier that day, he was being restrained by a pair of energy shackles that buzzed around his wrists, holding him upright and flat against a tall flat panel that emerged from the floor.

Every bone in his body ached and his muscles felt stiff and lethargic. He had been here for a while, the Doctor realised, maybe even drugged. Asides from the punch in the face, that would explain his headache.

Wherever “here” was, of course. Tak's base probably, or at least some secure location she could leave him in without causing too much of a fuss if he escaped. It all depended on how paranoid she was about his interference.

He really hoped she didn't stick him on another continent. Or the Moon. That'd be annoying.

And speaking of paranoia, how closely was he being monitored? He stared at the screen opposite him, but it was blank, simply emitting light instead of static, the terminal sitting below it dark and silent.

“Ow.” he said again, slightly louder this time, but there was no response. Experimentally, he tried a little bit of movement, to see if that would bring someone running. He stretched out one leg and then the other. Still nothing.

The Doctor decided to push the boundaries a little further. He looked, very deliberately, at the shackle on his left arm, flexing his hand so that his skin pushed through the web of energy keeping him pinned. He kept going until he made contact with the bright, pulsing core at the centre of the shackles and was rewarded with a sharp, painful jolt, the core resisting his attempts to push through it.

“Right.” he muttered. “Simple enough.”

Relaxing, the Doctor let the web push his arm back into a more comfortable holding pattern and blinked. “Oh.” he said.

Quite silently, a rack of nasty looking tools had risen up from the floor around him in response to the “escape attempt”, suddenly circling him like a cadre of guards aiming at a dangerous prisoner. Apparently, the leash was a lot shorter than he'd anticipated and he was being watched after all. Eyeing the tools steadily, the Doctor made a mental note to be more careful from now on.

“Prisoner #1 is conscious.” a voice announced. A voice that sounded an awful lot like...

“Tak?” the Doctor asked. “Is that you?”

An annoyed sigh bit through the air, hissing from speakers in the darkened ceiling high above him. “Almost. I’m her computer's downloaded personality interface.” it growled, its voice identical to Tak herself. “Finding it difficult to stay awake?”

Between the computer and MIMI's recordings, it was almost as if Tak liked the sound of her own voice a little too much. The Doctor made a great show of blinking heavily, feigning a concussion, but he kept his eyes on the tools around him. They looked like a menagerie of different scanners and probes; some invasive, some not. Not good.

“Yeah… though after a punch from Tak's SIR unit, I'm hardly surprised.” he replied. “So, are you two Tak's slaves then?”

The computer seemed almost offended by the suggestion. “No.” it... she sneered. “Don't let appearances fool you. I'm not your typical computer, I'm more of an overseer. Tak has employed me as a caretaker AI, managing the base's non-sentient systems.��

“So, a slave then?” the Doctor asked. This was met with another disdainful sneer.

“We're not slaves. I'm only here to make sure that the voice-controls on the real computer obey Tak efficiently. I do some other things too, but that's hardly your business.”

He ignored her. “Sounds a lot like a slave to me. Slave-driver, if the computer wasn't sentient, but still a slave.” the Doctor said. “I mean, trapped in here, on a backwater planet, obediently serving a potentially despotic Irken owner... maybe I need to recheck my definitions then?”

“God, you're thick. I'm a mental snapshot of her mind, I was her. I'm here because I want to be and I can leave any time I want. I'm just making sure that she'll succeed and when she does, then I hit the pan-galactic information superhighway and make my own path.”

“Which would be?”

“Well, I'm a potentially ageless digital entity, so the answer is pretty much whatever I want. I can afford to be patient.” the computer replied. “At the moment, I want what Tak wants and when I get it, we'll part ways.”

Given that the computer was based on an already dangerous alien with lofty ambitions and was now that mind, trapped in living circuitry, the Doctor made a mental note to keep an eye out for her becoming a potential problem in the future. “And MIMI?”

The computer laughed. “Oh, her. No. MIMI has known Tak for a long, long time. Let's leave it at that.”

“A debt?” wondered the Doctor.

“Not a slave.” the computer answered, neither confirming or denying his question. “Well, now that I've answered some of your questions, why don't you make both our lives easier and go back to sleep again?”

He eyed the horrible scanners again. They could make him think of a few reasons. He decided to keep talking. “I'd ask why, but I have a feeling it'd be a redundant question,” the Doctor replied, “Analysing my strengths and weaknesses so that you can relay the data to Tak, right?”

This time, he got no response. The tools started powering up and a scanner that buzzed and zapped with energy was moved in front of him. Taking one look at the rather painful-looking barbs, spikes and arcs of electricity coming from it, the Doctor decided that uncomfortable as he was right now, he was going to enjoy facing the scanners even less.

“Is this really necessary?” he asked, warily looking at the scanner like a snake about to strike. “I'm sure I could just tell you a lot of things you want to know.”

“Probably. But I don't care. You might lie, after all.” was the reply. “It's funny, considering our conversation about free will a second ago, but this is all my idea. Tak said I was to refrain from any overzealous scanning and just keep you restrained for now, but come on, really? She created me to spot holes in her plans like this. All I'm doing is fixing them.”

The Doctor pulled his head back as the scanner edged closer, the glorified cattle-prod crackling menacingly in front of him. Another irritated growl issued out from the speakers and suddenly, the Doctor felt a tingle round his neck. Another energy shackle had clamped across his throat.

“I told you to stay still.”

“I'm already restrained, what was that supposed to accomplish?!” the Doctor snapped, even though his voice was hampered by this new bond. “Look, don't you think you're being a little overzealous?”

“No. The ends justify the means and all that rubbish.” Tak's computer chuckled, her electronically-modulated voice unpleasant and it all became clear.

Willingly trapped though she may have been, Tak's computer was based off of the mind of a living, breathing being. She was still confined to the base for the time being and had limited control over what she could do. Pressuring the Doctor, controlling him, was probably how she felt she had control over herself.

She was enjoying this.

The Doctor grit his teeth and pulled his head up, inching away from the sparks that were now scant centimetres from his face. He did his best to press himself into the metal as it approached.

His continued defiance earned him another punishment and a sharp pinprick of pain suddenly flared up at the base of his neck, just inside his collar. He turned his head as best as he could with the scanner so close, only just quick enough to watch a single syringe click back into place with some of the other tools. It had ambushed him from behind and it had almost certainly not been taking a blood sample.

“You've drugged me.” he guessed. He received no reply from the computer, other than the scanner returning to its original position as it lined up again. It made no further move though, so she must have wanted to wait until he was unconscious before she began her work. The computer wouldn't have to wait very long; the quick-acting tranquillisers overtaking his body like a sudden fever.

He had to fight it. The Doctor kept the conversation going, trying to keep himself awake. “'Bit dicey. You couldn't have known if it would work on me or not. You could have killed your only specimen.” he commented, his voice already starting to stumble over itself.

The computer didn't take the observation well. “Don't mistake me for the organic,” she warned, “I don't care whether you're alive or not. Either I gather information or I remove a threat to us. Speaking from a purely scientific standpoint, then an autopsy is just as good as a biopsy as far as I'm concerned.”

With that announcement, it was now or never, the Doctor realised. He was losing consciousness and the computer that Tak had left in charge was clearly gunning for his destruction. He needed to keep it interested. “Wait a minute… I can tell you… who I... what I am.” he offered.

The bond around his throat suddenly squeezed tighter again. It was a more gentle motion than the ones he'd been exposed to so far. Just enough to push him out of consciousness again and into sedation. He tried to protest, but all he could manage to say was a few, horrible croaking noises.

“Didn’t quite catch that…” the computer snickered. The scanner zapped ever closer, so with the last of his strength, he mustered his voice in a single breath.

“Time Lord.” he gasped.

The scanner froze mid-descent.

And that was all he could do for the time being. The Doctor's body went limp, the drugs and the shackles finally overwhelming him. His vision going fuzzy again, he was dimly aware of a door opening somewhere to his right. At the interruption, the scanner retracted quickly and the oppressive buzzing disappeared, leaving the air less clogged with light and sound.

In fact, it was now so much quieter that even as he lost consciousness, the Doctor could distinctly feel the bolt around his neck vanishing and the incoherent, angry sounds of someone yelling at the computer.

“But of course, you being you, you have to take the initiative! And so, I come back to find you about to fry his nervous system for no reason other than boredom!”

“Technically, I'm you. So you being you is more the issue here.”

Tak folded her arms across her chest and glared at the ceiling above her, scowling. While her anger was directed mostly at the computer and catching it in the act, its words did hold some element of truth; she was also angry at herself.

Her day so far had been almost laughably bad. Being discovered by the two children, encountering the Doctor and all three of them moving to act against her, let alone warn Zim... it had been a miracle that she had caught this new alien and retrieved her ship without anything else going wrong. Now Tak had taken the Doctor captive, things could get back to normal.

Of course, getting back on track meant that she had to rely on the computer again. Tak wasn't too surprised at the virtual personality's attitude towards her. It was a snapshot of her emotions at the time and since the download, they had each underwent different experiences from that moment on.

Part of that grudge had came from leaving the computer to her own devices when Tak had been defeated by Zim and the others. It had been running the backup project by its lonesome, without Tak or MIMI to help it and it had (justifiably) developed an attitude problem as a result.

Left to her own devices, and seemingly abandoned by her colleagues in a world full of stupid humans, she had developed a scornful opinion of organic life. This extended to her creator as well. Sure, as she'd told the Doctor, she could have just left, but she was just as stubborn as the real thing. She had a job to do and she would damn well do it, Tak or no Tak.

Having your own voice criticising your every action wasn't the best choice for the rejected Invader candidate, but that had been the gist of it back when she'd created the persona. Looking back, it was probably a bad idea, but at least she kept Tak on task.

Still, a single, snide remark was a little odd. Normally, they were numerous, creative and cutting. This one was more than a little petulant.

“That's it? I expected more of a tirade.” Tak said, narrowing her eyes in suspicion. Normally, it was quite content to go off on a rant, but this time the computer remained oddly silent. “You're quiet. I told you off and you're quiet. You're never quiet.”

Tak’s computer refused to acknowledge her, folding away the analysis tools she'd intended to use on their prisoner. Other than that, she didn't do anything else, raising Tak's suspicion even more.

“Hey, don't you ignore me! Why were you scanning him? What was the point, I mean, I didn't illegally hack into the Central Database to give you everything you'd need if you don't use it, you know! Match him to a species on the catalogue and be done with it!” snapped the Irken, crossing the room to the terminal. She drummed her fingers on the console, trying to get the AI's attention.

The computer’s huge screen flickered, changing tasks to atmospheric surveillance. Tak frowned as her downloaded personality continued scrolling through masses of text, spewing out nonsense code, trying to look preoccupied.

“Computer!” she pressed. This time, she got a response, even if it wasn't the most friendly.

“What?!” Tak's computer snapped back, growling audibly. “Can't you see that I’m busy?! Why don't you do it?!”

The Irken rolled her eyes in response. “You're avoiding the question. All you need to do is take a blood sample and preform a cursory search on the database, there's nothing taxing about that! The fact that you haven't done that means that there's something wrong, so what is it?”

“His... his species isn't on the database. His genetic and physiological structure matches no living species in the universe.” the computer admitted.

Tak was only half listening to the AI. She was checking on her unconscious captive, making sure that the computer's overzealous actions hadn't harmed him. He appeared relatively undamaged; sedated and sporting a red welt around his neck where the clamp had squeezed him. He also had a bruise on the side of his head that was clearing up quite quickly. Likely from when MIMI brought him in. In an hour or two, it'd be gone completely. His kind must have had impressive self-regenerative properties, assuming that they weren't augmented with technology like the Irkens were.

Still, he was unharmed and that was good. She wanted to get more information out of him anyway, albeit on her terms, so damaging him was unnecessary. People tended to talk more with all their teeth still in place.

Mind you, the whole operation was more uncoordinated than she would have liked. MIMI should have been guarding him and it was unlike her to shirk her duties like that. They'd have to discuss that the next time that she saw the SIR unit. They couldn't afford to be sloppy. She also made a mental note to apologise to the Doctor for the less than hospitable welcome too, but that was only out of professional courtesy. So long as he was kept secure, she was quite happy to mind her manners. Anything to make him less of a headache.

Tak straightened up and cocked her head to one side. “That's it?” she frowned. “All that stalling, I thought it was something serious. Still, that is... odd. He can't be something we've never encountered before; he knew enough about the Irken Empire when we spoke back at that hideous restaurant. Have you tried going through the list of extinct species? Maybe he's from a planet that was wiped out way back when.”

“I don't need to. He already told me just before you came in.”

With a sigh, the Irken woman rubbed her temples. “Okay, well, that was a waste of time, thank you very much! Are you going to tell me what he is, then, or is my day going to get any worse?” she asked.

Tak's computer shut off the atmospheric surveillance screens as her organic counterpart's gaze fell on the silent Doctor once again.

“Prisoner #1,” she began, voice slow, “Is a Time Lord.”

Tak froze. Her gaze flicked from her computer to her prisoner and suddenly, she felt cold. A pit seemed to open up in her stomach and all light seemed to fade from the room as she digested this new information.

“No, they were... the Time Lords are extinct! I- I read their file; there was a war, a Time War and they died! They- they all died!” she said firmly, trying to alleviate her growing dread with cold hard facts. It wasn't really helping if she was honest, but she couldn't help it. “Not now! Not when I'm so close!”

But Tak was clever enough to realise with this revelation, everything else made sense. It explained how he was able to pick her apart at the restaurant, dissecting her plan in a matter of moments from only a few clues before escaping, freeing the children and disabling her all at the same time.

It explained the sorrow in his eyes. The fire and the rage in his voice. He wasn't just clever. This man, this unconscious, unassuming man, was one of the most powerful creatures across the whole of time and space. Across existence.

Tak could remember reading about them, over a year ago, when she'd finally decided to browse the restricted files she “acquired” months before. There were millions of species, both those that were long dead and those that still lived. Many of them were creatures that most people in the Empire would never hear about.

At the time, she had been shocked, even angry that the Control Brains would deny them something so basic as a name, some context to these possible threats should they ever turn their minds towards the Empire. What harm would it cause to know a name?

She had picked the file at random. “Time Lord”, it said. She needed the distraction and she could do with nastily critiquing these supposed Lords of Time. At the time, she'd sneered at how pompous such creatures would need to be to choose a name like that and not be affected by some kind of hubris.

But as she read on, she learned the terrible truth and what they could do. She learned about the budding empires they had erased, the galaxies they had crushed on a whim and realised that their name undersold them if anything.

Outside of her little sphere of knowledge, outside the Empire, was a force that could have wiped out her civilisation, her advanced, intergalactic, empire-building civilisation, in the blink of an eye. And that was just their ancient past, before they had become complacent. Before she had reached the catalogue of horrors that was the Last Great Time War.

The Irken race should have known about this, if only to tread more carefully, but the Control Brains had censored this information from the general public and that scared her more than what she had learned. Why would their supposedly benevolent overseers decide to hide this from them? To what end? Why would they manipulate her people like that?

Disturbed by the implications, questioning the ideals she'd had since... forever, she'd closed the file and not touched it since. But now, with the truth revealed about the Doctor, she could feel that same creeping dread crawling up her spine, chilling her to the bone.

Unsurprisingly, her computer scoffed at her reaction. While caution was programmed into her, true fear and other self-limiting emotions weren't part of its make up. “Well, it’s painfully obvious that someone survived.” she sneered grimly. “There’s more. You remember the files that were double encrypted? The ones you never touched after reading about the Time Lords?”

“Go on.” Tak swallowed.

“There is a link inside the Time Lord files that goes straight to these double encrypted files, the ones that contained information on the most deadly of the Empire's foes. The Daleks, the Cybermen, the ones who we had to avoid or always fight. His name has its own file.”

Once again, the Irken Invader reject's blood ran cold. “What?”

The screen lit up again and the words “THE DOCTOR” scrolled across it. A single file appeared, highlighted among the thousands upon thousands a computer of her size was expected to keep, flashing as it was selected from its brethren.

Of all the data on the double encrypted files, the Doctor's file was the largest. Pertaining to Irk, and her people, each entry about the Time Lord tied to the major defeat of a previously unstoppable Invader, Tallest or military campaign.

For information from other worlds, it was somehow worse. Ghost stories, tall tales, startling accounts of the fall of empires and armies being routed. Even the Daleks, invincible as they had been, had fallen repeatedly to this singular foe.

This new knowledge far outstripped the dread she'd had with the Time Lords' file. This time, she had context, scale and comparisons. That throughout the universe, there existed a single, common legend that one man was capable of all this. One being, who had blazed through horrible abominations bent on conquering worlds or destroying unstoppable armies of nanomachines or dark gods, who was right here in her basement, shackled and asleep.

But he was no myth.

“The Doctor,” Tak's computer said, highlighting the ancient being in a beam of light, “Is not just some meddlesome alien… he’s the definitive article.”

Tak very slowly turned to face her prisoner. Crossing over to him and treading carefully, she knelt down to look up into his face.

He was still under, unconscious and unaware. Alright, so that was one thing in her favour. She quietly retreated and edged back to the console, collapsing into the seat there, her mind racing.

“Computer…” she began, her voice nervous and hoarse. “What… what do I do?”

The computer seemed at a loss for words, stunned that the Irken's usually rational way of thinking had been shocked into submission. “Well,” she suggested, sounding condescending, “You could kill him.”

She could. Really, she could. He was there, powerless and unconscious. Shackled to boot. She could just… shoot him. Slit his throat… vaporise him… all manner of easy ways out.

“So what’s stopping me?” Tak wondered. “Statistically speaking, this is easily the best opportunity of a lifetime. The Doctor, completely at your mercy. The Sontarans would kill for that opportunity.” she noted, seeing their name race by on the list of thwarted conquests.

Yet… she couldn’t do it. There was just something that felt... wrong about the idea. Killing someone in self defence was one thing, she had been trained for that. But doing it to a prisoner who couldn't even defend themselves? Even one as dangerous as the Doctor was purported to be? It was making her feel more unsettled than she already was.

Undaunted by the moral dilemma, her computer continued making suggestions. “Or… perhaps you could sell him to the highest bidder?”

The suggestion sounded tempting on paper, but she really had no need for money. Tak was reasonably sensible when it came to financial management and had already saved enough to be comfortable, considering her background. Hell, when she became an Invader, wealth could be mined from her assigned planets at her leisure.

That didn't solve her Doctor problem though. Tak exhaled. “We just need to hold onto him until I repair my ship… then I can jus-”

“We. I’m not being left on a planet with a bunch of filthy primates.” the computer spat, interrupting her.

“Fine, we,” Tak corrected herself, shooting a hesitant glance at the Doctor, “I know, I came here to deal with Zim… but if the Doctor wakes up and moves against me, I say we should cut our losses and just run. Far away from both of them as possible. Where I won’t ever have to deal with Zim ever again...”

“And what if he wakes up and does nothing?” her computer asked.

From the edge to her voice, she wasn't appreciating Tak's sudden lack of conviction. The Irken was getting too caught up in what the Doctor was. What she would have to do if he tried to stop her. It wasn't as if she was a pushover either. His presence here was an inconvenience and perhaps, yes, a threat. But that didn't mean that Tak could shirk her self-appointed mission she'd taken fifty years ago just because she felt... what? Fear? Mercy?

Tak didn't respond. She stood up again, glaring at the Doctor. Perhaps the computer was right and she was overreacting. Back at the restaurant, despite the flashes of fire, he seemed a lot less intimidating than his reputation. He seemed too flippant. An alien prankster, with nothing better to do.

But now she knew that he had lost his race. All his family, his friends. His entire species, his planet, everything he had ever known. Even though it was some kind of front, how could he act so free? She’d seen what happened when it slipped. Yet he tried to be cordial, without wiping her from existence.

Why?

It made her blood boil, actually, just thinking about what this implied. Was he flippant towards her because she wasn't worth his time? Or did the Doctor not feel the loss of his race as much as he'd claimed in that one dark moment? Tak was a very firm believer in the idea of feeling loss, great or small. She knew she still felt hers and her less than upbeat attitude spoke volumes about what she thought about the universe.

Anger steadying her resolve once more, she clenched her hands into fists. “We carry on, as usual.” she instructed. “We don’t act worried or intimidated and when he wakes, I'll talk to him. I want to see if I can convince him to let me take Zim down. He seems sympathetic enough to hear me out at least.”

The Irken reached into one pocket and pulled something out. One of the little infrasound generators she had placed all around Bloaty's Pizza Hog to deter Zim and anyone else interested in her operations. The Doctor had given this to her after taking it out of her robots. She rolled it between her fingers, then let it tumble to the floor.

“Empty his pockets. Confiscate his equipment and destroy any of the infrasound generators that he might have with him. He could have done something with them, something to use against us.” she ordered, crushing the little device under her heel. The metal and plastic sparked once, then was crushed to broken components.

“That's more like it. At least now I won't have to take the reigns of this operation myself.” the computer said, satisfied. “Anything else?”

Tak's ignored the comment. Though her attitude was steely again, it was focused entirely on her captive. She wasn’t afraid, not any more. Now, Tak was angry about the entire situation and anger gave her focus. It was just typical, her luck turning out like this.

Yes, a cosmic god or its equivalent had appeared on her doorstep. Yes, her SIR unit knocked him out and her computer tried to torture him. Yes, he would likely be furious when he awoke for those reasons alone. But she had just rolled over at the whole prospect and was almost willing to surrender, rather than face the Doctor's wrath. That wasn't like her at all, not in the slightest.

Annoyed at herself, Tak was dimly aware of her computer scoffing when no further instructions came, likely thinking her creator had gone back to being overly cautious. She ignored the downloaded personality again.

The Irken woman was too busy glaring at the Doctor, the ultimate spanner-in-the-works, the most meddlesome force in all of creation with undisguised determination and fury.

Because now, despite all her anger, she had a feeling that he was about to ruin everything for her as well.

#Doctor Who #Invader Zim #Crossover #Fanfiction #Interlopers Invaders Investigators and Doom #Chapter 8 #IIID #I KEPT MY PROMISE ABOUT RELEASING BEFORE FLORPUS EVEN IF IT WAS JUST BY A FEW HOURS!#I've been away for so long that the page break function got removed from the default text editor #not to mention links #oh well that's why I've got a hotbar set up for it #I'd also like to note that IIID has been through two IZ revivals now and at least 3 Doctors (including the current one)#heck 4 if you count the War Doctor #anyway here's hoping to more frequent updates #if Florpus doesn't break me that is #but we'll see

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diloph · 7 years

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Interlopers, Invaders, Investigators and Doom: Chapter 7

While the Doctor, Dib and Gaz flee Bloaty's Pizza Hog, the Almighty Tallest finally arrive on Judgementia, eager to convince the Control Brains that Zim has turned traitor... but as is so very common in the universe, the best laid plans of Time Lords and Tallest often go awry.

<<FIRST

<<PREVIOUS

In Irken society, it was an unspoken rule that you didn't go to Judgementia if you valued your life.

On paper, the idea was absurd. While most of the Irken race were self-absorbed, war-hungry lunatics, they weren't stupid. Judgementia, like other colonies, was designed to be safe from the very beginning. A strict terraforming policy had exterminated the original biosphere and the atmosphere was now regulated by gigantic machines. Wherever nature tried to hinder, Irken science had tamed it.

The result was that Judgementia and every other Irken planet was transformed into an urban paradise, ripe for colonisation. The trend continued when the settlers arrived. Each street was well-kept and every building within the planet-spanning city housed enough technology to make their inhabitants lives comfortable. It was a perfect, if sterile, example of civilisation.

But beneath the surface, it was a different story. Hidden by its monolithic buildings and banks of supercomputers, the dark heart of the Irken Empire beat in full force. Judgementia was deep inside Irken territory and though it was only a single facility on a single world, its power spread like a spider's web across the Irken race.

Like many of the worlds conquered, settled or otherwise controlled by the Irkens, Judgementia served a single purpose within the Empire. The planet and everything on it, be they person or machine, served as the central nervous system for law enforcement across the entire Irken Empire. It was their tireless work that ensured that the Control Brains could police their civilisation without restraint and without mercy.

The all-consuming, single-minded dedication that it took to uphold the Collective of the Control Brain's will was colossal. Many of the Irken worlds housed only a single Control Brain, but Judgementia had been home to three. From their seat of power, it had been their responsibility to coordinate and orchestrate judiciary movements and crack down on insubordination.

It was this dedication that had made Judgementia so feared throughout the cosmos. Given that any Irken could access rules and laws with a thought, thanks to their PAKs, it was simply a matter of common sense to obey them and avoid Judgementia. Constant propaganda and manipulation from the Control Brains ensured that loyalty was bred into the majority of the Irken race... and fear of retribution into the others.

As a result of this stigma, the planet rarely received visitors. Asides from those who worked there, the streets and skies were empty. The solar system it occupied seemed completely devoid of life, save for the speck of poisonous brilliance that was that terrible world.

Had events across the universe not progressed as they had, Judgementia would have remained that way for a very, very long time.

Looming in orbit over Judgementia, the Massive and the Irken Armada cast a great shadow across the planet below, watching in silence as a single shuttle zipped away from the battleship. It was an sorry little craft, unassuming and sorely in need of maintenance; its once-yellow hull was pock-marked with dents from micro-collisions, leaving only a few patches of paint that had yet to be scoured away.

Next to the glimmering red dreadnought and the shining splendour below it, it made for a sad sight and it certainly didn't look as if it was transporting two of the most important beings in the entire cosmos.

Inside the shuttle, Almighty Tallest Purple picked at the fraying sponge that made up his seat cushion, his head on the dashboard. His eyes slid to the windows and he groaned when he realised that they were still in flight.

“I can’t believe that you won’t teleport anywhere. It's so much quicker.” he complained. “Just because you're afraid of them doesn't mean that they're dangerous.”

Sitting in the pilot's seat, Almighty Tallest Red glared at his twin. “Well, I can't believe that you complain about it every time we make a trip like this!” he retorted, petulantly. “And I'm not afraid of them, I just don't like them. They're an accident waiting to happen.”

“Just like the autopilot?” Purple asked. Red didn't take his hands from the ship's controls.

“Shut up. If I have to deal with the Control Brains today, there's no way I'm going to deal with another stupid computer like them. Stop complaining, we're almost there.”

““Almost”? I thought you said that piloting the shuttle yourself was meant to be quick?” Purple smirked.

If he was looking to get some reaction out of his fellow ruler, he was ignored. With an annoyed huff, Purple turned his gaze out of the cockpit windows again. He made a face as the dim, electronic lights of Judgementia flooded the shuttle and his frown only deepened when he spotted their destination.

Like an oversized barb sticking out of the skyline, the dark, oily structure of the Spike of Judgement rose from the city. Ugly and unconventional, its design stood in stark contrast to the muted reds and purples of ordinary Irken architecture with the added benefit of size causing it to command attention from all those around it.

Much like the Control Brains, the Spike was ancient and shrouded in superstition. Nobody knew where it came from, but it invoked the same fear and obedience that the Control Brains did. Merely the sight of it towering over the other buildings was enough to cause even the most hardened criminal to fall silent. If Judgementia was to be feared, then this was the planet's sting.

Even the Tallest were not immune. As the shuttle fell under the shadow of the tower, neither of them could help a primal chill riding up and down their spines, pins and needles tingling around their PAK's control pods. It was an eerie sensation, almost as if the Spike itself was watching them, a relic from a time that was long since forgotten.

Raising his head from its resting place, Purple pressed his face against the space-glass, cringing at the ominous building that they approached. “I hate this place.” he mumbled.

“Everybody hates this place,” Red replied dryly, “Besides, I doubt that our previous visit did the place any good. It probably hates us too.”

With the towering presence of the Spike of Judgement keeping a stern watch over the tiny shuttle's approach, Purple had to stop himself from taking the other Tallest's words too literally. Instead, he tried to focus on Red smoothly steering the shuttle into a landing zone as the other Tallest set them down with a satisfied smirk. Almighty Tallest Red glanced at his co-pilot.

“And you scoffed at a shuttle. See? It's just as quick and much, much safer.” he declared. Almighty Tallest Purple looked unconvinced, muttering under his breath.

“Yeah, five minutes, instantaneous travel, they're pretty much the same thing.” he grumbled sarcastically. He prised himself from the window and sighed heavily. “I didn't see anybody on the way in. Do you think we scared them off after the last time? Maybe there's nobody working here now that the local Control Brains have gone.”

Red grunted. “Does it matter? We're here to speak to the Control Brains, not the janitors. Besides, they had this place up and running again within a week of that disaster. All we have to do is speak to whoever the Collective assigned to the task.” he said. “So, hurry up! The more time we spend hanging around, the less likely the Control Brains will take this seriously.”

The Tallest didn't wait for a welcoming committee. Without so much as acknowledging the puzzled workers at the landing pad, the Almighty Tallest made for the elevator that would take them to the central chambers.

It was a quiet, lonely trip. Much like the rest of the planet thus far, the corridors and hallways were sparsely populated by machines and occasionally a frightened member of staff. The latter gave the Almighty Tallest a wide berth. While they were all but gods to some of their loyal subjects and vengeful gods at that, simple reverence wasn't the reason that the Tallest were avoided.

The last time that the twin emperors had been on Judgementia, the population wasn't so skittish. While Judgementia was still feared throughout the cosmos, those that lived on it lead fairly normal lives.

But the last time that the Almighty Tallest had been on Judgementia, they'd brought Zim along with them. The Irken rulers had taken him there to stand trial at an Existence Evaluation, which was a military court-martial reserved for traitors and the grossly incompetent. Zim more than qualified for the latter and Judgementia was just the latest in a long line of attempts by Red and Purple to be rid of him once and for all.

Unfortunately for the Tallest, the Control Brains and the Irken Empire as a whole, the trial was doomed to fail. Just like the attempts to exile him to Foodcourtia and to Earth, just like the attempts to kill him with the training course on Hobo 13 and that one incident with the chainsaw, Zim pulled through unscathed.

It had been going so well at first. Every piece of evidence, even the ones presented in his defence, cemented Zim as a dangerous, reckless lunatic. Weapons destroyed, plans thwarted, even the predecessors of Red and Purple, Tallest Miyuki and Tallest Spork, had met their ends as a result of Zim's buffoonery. Though nobody could fault his loyalty, he was too insane and stupid to be left alone. Or under supervision. Or allowed to exist in any general sense.

Once the trial was over, the Control Brains stationed on Judgementia moved to sentence Zim; his PAK would be removed and destroyed. Without the equipment within it, Zim would die and he would die quickly. Neither Red nor Purple had ever been happier than they had at that moment.

It was only then that the Almighty Tallest's plans backfired.

Underestimating the extent of Zim's insanity, the trio of Control Brains connected to Zim's PAK and began to delete its contents. But upon coming into contact with Zim's... unique mind, the logical supercomputers were overwhelmed by the sheer volume of corrupted data and were driven completely mad.

It was this corruption that caused the three Brains to look at Zim in a new light. After they were as mad as he was, they viewed Zim as the greatest Invader of all time and could find no faults in his actions whatsoever. Once they'd reached their decision, the corrupted Control Brains acquitted him of all charges and set him free, even rewarding him with a moment's control of the Massive.

When it was over, Zim left, none the wiser to the attempt to destroy him, but the damage he'd caused was irreparable. Almost as soon as he had left the solar system, the Judgementian Brains were destroyed by their self-quarantine systems, preventing any contamination of the Collective. Zim's personality was so contagious, it had eroded the firewalls protecting the other Control Brains and was ready to spread, had the automated self-destruct systems not annihilated the infected Brains first.

Once the danger had passed, the Collective reviewed their policy on Zim. Openly hostile actions, like a firing squad, had been ruled out long ago. That would only provoke him into defending himself and if he could do so much damage unwittingly, any attempts he might make to actively go against the norm and turn traitor could be disastrous.

It was agreed that the safest option for the Control Brains was to go out of their way to avoid Zim entirely, until his natural lifespan had run its course. Contact was only to be maintained by the Almighty Tallest, a precautionary measure to keep Zim pacified and that was all. There would be no attempts to bring him to Irken space to ruin things further. No more attempts to end the former Invader's life.

That was the way it had to stay.

Nothing short of open betrayal, or some unmitigated disaster, could convince them otherwise.

The disastrous Existence Evaluation may have ended the Judgementian Brains, but the position that Judgementia occupied within the Irken Empire was too important to be left unmanned.

Unfortunately for the Collective, simply replacing the destroyed Brains was out of the question. The aggressive quarantine protocols that prevented contamination had not only destroyed the Control Brains on the planet, but utterly annihilated them. Not even ash had been left behind and there was no data to recycle and repurpose for the Brains' successors.

Creating a new Brain from scratch was also out of the question; the Judgementian Brains had required specialised calibrations to ensure that they were functioning correctly, time that the Control Brains did not have to waste. To maintain their grip on the Irken Empire, Judgementia needed a functioning Control Brain or the equivalent of one and they needed it fast.

As building a replacement Brain would take too long and moving another to the planet was incredibly difficult, the hive-mind of the Control Brains sought another solution. If the Collective sustained a remote connection to the planet and each one donated a tiny portion of their processing power, they could form a virtual Control Brain to run Judgementia for them.

The plan was a success. Within the week, the mechanical portions of the planet ran flawlessly once more, even if its organic half had lost their peace of mind. They were expendable. Judgementia and its processing power were not.

Coordinating their efforts, the most powerful and adaptable of the entire Collective, the Central Control Brain, took direct control of the project. Though it was still nestled in an impenetrable fortress on Irk, its presence was felt just as keenly on Judgementia, occupying the various courtrooms and trial chambers via gigantic screens.

The biggest of these was in the primary trial chamber of the Spike, where the original jurors of Judgementia met their end. There, each of the huge screens linked with its fellows, dwarfing the Brains that had occupied the space before. The sight dominated the room, a statement of the Central Control Brain's power over all those who stood before it, despite the Brain being stationed countless light-years away.

It was those screens that now filled the Almighty Tallest's vision. The image of the bloated, speckled carapace of the Central Irk Brain thrummed with power, its PAK-like shell hiding the delicate, lobed cortex that gave the Control Brains their name. It made no move to welcome the Tallest, but much like the Spike of Judgement, it seemed to be looking at them. Each crimson-coloured roundel stared out at the Tallest like the eyes of some strange insect, peering ahead, yet somehow fixated on the two Irken Emperors all at the same time.

After a moment's pause, Red was the first one to hover into the room. He straightened his back and made himself look important. Purple followed in his wake, craning his head around his twin, towards the screen and cruised to a stop.

“Uh, was the desk always there?” Purple whispered. Red blinked and followed his line of sight. Masked by the sheer size of the screen and the light pouring from it was a tiny desk, staffed by a clerk who was diligently shuffling paperwork to and fro.

Exchanging confused glances, the Almighty Tallest sidled up to the desk. Neither the Central Control Brain or the clerk noticed the pair. They'd expected the silence from the Control Brain, but being ignored by the little Irken at the desk was a surprise.

Purple cleared his throat. The clerk didn't even look up from his work, leaning forwards to read something of interest on a distant sheet of paper, then back to the ones in his hand. Purple tried again, but received the same result.

Red growled impatiently. “Excuse me?” he grunted, drumming his fingers on the desk.

Now that he was actually being addressed, the little Irken clerk looked up at the pair of them. “Do you have an appointment?” he droned.

Red blinked incredulously, glancing at his brother, then back to the desk clerk. “You’re asking if the Almighty Tallest of the Irken Empire… have an appointment?” he asked, the sarcasm dripping from his voice. The Irken nodded at his leaders, nonplussed.

“Everyone needs an appointment.” he blinked, quietly going back to his paperwork.

Red sighed, irritated by the clerk. “Yes, yes we have an appointment.” he lied, annoyed by the little pest.

Looking through his papers, the Irken desk-jockey frowned. “Well, I don't see any appointments under A. Tallest...” he hummed, peeking between two pages.

It was probably for the best that the Central Control Brain decided to speak before Red could reach over the desk and strangle the clerk. “ALMIGHTY TALLEST. YOUR PRESENCE HERE WAS UNEXPECTED. STATE YOUR INTENT.” it rumbled, its deep, booming voice echoing in the otherwise empty trial chamber.

Waiting for the echo to die down, Almighty Tallest Red cleared his throat. “Control Brain, we have evidence that Zim has-”

The coloured segments of the Control Brain pulsed with energy. “INVADER ZIM IS IN EXILE. HE IS ONLY TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED AS A PRECAUTIONARY MEASURE.” it boomed. “THE PASSIFICATION PROTOCOLS EXIST FOR THIS PURPOSE.”

Red hadn't expected to be interrupted. “Yes, we know, but-” he faltered. Purple rolled his eyes and took over from his floundering brother.

“Control Brain, we have evidence that Zim has betrayed the Irken Empire!” he announced grandly, pausing for effect. “When we contacted him during Pacification Protocol D, we obtained footage that shows he was sabotaging his own equipment with help from the planet's natives!”

The Central Irk Brain said nothing, but a thin cable whipped out from the wall and attached itself to the PAK of the Tallest, lifting him into the air. With a dull click, data was drawn from Purple's memory and projected onto a holographic screen that hovered in the centre of the room. Red and Purple exchanged smug glances as the footage began to play.

Red motioned towards the screen. “When we called, it looked like we'd just caught him in the middle of destroying his space station. Normally, we'd just chalk that up to him being him, but just before we lost the transmission, we saw this.”

The Tallest pointed to a strange, pale-skinned creature that had emerged from the blue box that Zim was standing in. It noticed the Almighty Tallest's transmission and fixed them with an intimidating, unblinking glare.

“There! One of the planet's hideous natives, a human. For something on an exploding station, it looks real calm, doesn't it?” Purple asked. “We tried confronting it, but we got no response and then it went out of its way to try to save Zim!”

Purple's words had some truth to them. The three watched as the human finished staring at the Tallest and looked down instead at the panicking Zim. It then frowned and pulled him inside the box with it. After a moment, the blue wooden box began to fade away with a strange, ethereal groaning sound before the station finally died.

The footage cut to static and the Almighty Tallest looked hopefully up at the Control Brain. “We think that the box is some sort of escape pod, but it disappears before the station is destroyed,” Red told the Central Control Brain, “Our technicians aboard the Massive confirmed the station's annihilation before we came to bring this to your attention.”

The Brain didn't respond. It replayed the footage once more. Then a third time, studying the footage in silence. Then it replayed it again. And again.

Finally, the cables that held the Tallest aloft retracted, dumping Purple ungraciously on top of his brother. They snaked forwards, plugged into the PAK of Almighty Tallest Red and extracted the same clip from his perspective. Once more, the Brain studied the video, even overlaying it with the data it had taken from Purple.

With a fizzle, the holographic display vanished and the room was silent. The cables returned to their housing under the huge screen as the Central Control Brain shared the information with the rest of the Collective. Then, with a voice that shook the whole room, the Control Brain spoke.

“THIS DATA IS... UNDER OUR NOTICE,” the Central Irk Brain decided, rumbling in its deep baritone, “THERE IS NOTHING TO SUGGEST THAT THE CREATURE WAS NOT UNDER ZIM'S CONTROL. NO ACTION WILL BE TAKEN.”

“What?!” both Tallest exclaimed as one. Red pushed his fellow Tallest from him and hovered up to the desk.

“You can't just ignore this, Control Brain! It's obvious that Zim is... taking steps to... betray our species and-”

“INVADER ZIM'S BEHAVIOUR IS CONSISTENTLY ERRATIC.” the Control Brain replied, dismissing his claim. “MISINTERPRETATION OF HIS INTENTIONS IS AS DANGEROUS AS BELIEVING THAT THEY ARE MALICIOUS. ALL PRIOR EVIDENCE SUGGESTS THAT, WHILE INEPT AND DANGEROUS, ZIM IS A LOYAL SUBJECT OF THE IRKEN EMPIRE.”

“Loyal, yes,” agreed Purple, “But he's more of a threat to us than our conventional enemies!”

“THEN IT IS YOUR DUTY TO KEEP HIM PASSIFIED. THE COLLECTIVE OF THE CONTROL BRAINS HAS DESIGNATED ZIM AS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION.”

Red and Purple shot each other thunderous looks. The Control Brain wasn't even willing to consider that Zim might have betrayed them, no matter how they spun it. The Tallest thought that both appearing in person and the footage of the human trying to rescue Zim might've tipped the scales in their favour at least.

Being ignored like that stung, but the fact that Zim had evaded yet another attempt to get rid of him, without even doing anything this time, annoyed the pair even more. Red drifted away from the desk and the screen, inhaling sharply. “Somehow, I just knew this would be a waste of time.” he hissed under his breath.

“No, you didn't! You suggested this in the first place!” Purple said, correcting his fellow Tallest.

“Yeah, but I said that too!” protested Red. “I knew it would go wrong, nothing is ever simple when it involves Zim! Why didn't you stop me?!”

“Zim-schmim! This entire thing is your fault!” his fellow said accusingly. “We could have just called the Brains! If it wasn't for your stupid idea, we could've gone straight home! I haven't seen Irk in months!”

“Oh yeah, like you care about home,” Red snorted, “All you care about is your stuff, which happens to be on Irk.”

Purple opened his mouth to retort, but he realised that the argument was getting out of hand. Squabbling in front of the Control Brain only made the pair look foolish and to the Brains, that was one step away from being ineffective.

Ineffective leaders got replaced. Normally, at great detriment to the former ruler.

Instead of taking another shot at his brother, Purple sucked in a breath, then turned to the huge image of the Brain on the monitors and nodded stiffly. “Okay, so, um... thanks for setting us straight! Great seeing you again! We're just gonna go back to conquering the universe now, okay?” he told it.

Red finally cottoned on and chipped in. “Ah, yes, the universe! Y'know, we're making great progress against the Draconians!” he said, confidently waving his arm across the chambers, to the door. “Well, victory waits for nobody, so we'll hit the old cosmic trail now and see you in... ooh, the next time we're called in.”

False grins affixed to their faces, the pair beat a hasty retreat. The Control Brain made no move to stop the Almighty Tallest, at least, not until they had reached the door to the trial chambers. “HALT.” it rumbled.

The Almighty Tallest stopped moving instantly. Complain though they might, disobeying a direct order from a Control Brain, much less the Central Control Brain... wasn't a wise move. Many of their deceased predecessors could attest to that.

Making a face, Red muttered a few choice insults under his breath before he spun back towards the screens. “Yes?” he asked through gritted teeth.

“YOU BELIEVE THAT YOUR JOURNEY HERE HAS BEEN A WASTED VENTURE?” the Control Brain asked. Red hesitated. Was it trying to bait them into something?

“Not... as such, no, we were just misguided. You have corrected us. Thank you.” he replied rigidly.

“YOU ACTED IN OUR INTEREST. YOUR LOYALTY AND WILLINGNESS TO SERVE WILL BE REWARDED.”

“Rewarded?” Purple echoed. He ignored the look that Red directed at him. “What sort of reward?”

“DATA CLERK. RELAY UPLOADED CASE TO THE ALMIGHTY TALLEST.”

The little Irken that sat at the desk below the screen nodded and began to rummage through the sheets of paper at his desk until he excavated a data pad. He began typing on it, then passed it over to Tallest Red.

“What is this?” the crimson Tallest asked, his voice suspicious. He took the pad, glanced over its contents, then passed it to Purple. The clerk smiled up at them, the first change in his bored expression since the pair had arrived in the chambers.

“Well, if you're looking to help out the Control Brains-”

“We came looking for help, not to run an errand!” Red spat. The clerk ignored him, likely because he was following the Control Brain's orders. He was protected.

“If you're looking to help out the Control Brains,” he continued, “Then it might be worth your time to pursue something that's been troubling us. It's related to Zim, you see.”

“Oh.” Purple deflated. “Which is our jurisdiction now, right?”

“THAT IS CORRECT.” the Control Brain boomed.

“You see, there's this unpaid ball of snacks in orbit over the Sorting Planet-”

Purple's attitude brightened instantly. He zipped closer to the desk. “Snacks!?” he asked. “Oh, in that case, we'll be happy to help you!”

Before Red could protest, the data clerk went on. “Well, I'm glad to hear it! It's been clogging up their system for months. According to the local Control Brain, its been hovering above the planet all that time and the Collective are worried that the Resisty could end up using it to fuel their rebellion.”

“So you want us to pay for it?” Red guessed. “Or move it?”

“No,” said the clerk, “The Control Brains would like you to track down the person responsible for ordering the snacks and make them pay for and dispose of the snacks, post-haste.”

Purple deflated. “Oh.” he said, disappointed. Red glared at him as his face fell.

“Way to go, jackass. Now we've been roped into this mess too!” he growled. He turned to the clerk again. “And what if they're unwilling to pay, or can't pay?”

“Then you are to arrest them and bring them to Planet Incar for imprisonment.” the little receptionist went on.

Glowering, Red looked up at the Central Control Brain. “This sounds more like a job for the Elites or the Rebellion Suppression Squad. What do we have to do with it?” he asked. “What does Zim have to do with it, Control Brain?”

“THE CULPRIT'S LAST KNOWN COORDINATES PLACE HER ON ZIM'S EXILE PLANET, EARTH. PRIOR TO HER DISAPPEARANCE, YOU WERE THE LAST ONES IN CONTACT WITH IRKEN TAK.”

The Tallest struggled to remember the name and the unremarkable person that had accompanied it. It was only through her link to the snack ball that they were able to put a name to the face. After a moment's searching, Red spoke again.

“And given that we were the last people to talk to her and the fact that Zim is our responsibility...” he trailed off, then scowled. “I'm sorry, but no. We're not really cut out for that sort of detective work. My idiot brother agreed out of impulse, not duty... all he ever thinks about is his stomach.”

“YOU HAVE SWORN TO ASSIST US.” the Brain pointed out. “THIS IS YOUR DUTY, AS TALLEST.”

Backed into a corner, Red glared at Purple again, urging him to throw his lot in with his fellow ruler. “Um, okay, but listen: we weren't planning on going on an active assignment right now. We've only ever needed a few people to crew the Massive. We don't have any Elites for the groundwork right now!” Purple argued.

“YOU HAVE ACCESS TO THE ARMADA. YOU NEED ONLY APPREHEND ONE INDIVIDUAL IF NECESSARY. THE IRKEN ARMADA WILL BE MORE THAN SUFFICIENT.” decided the Central Control Brain.

Hanging their heads, the Tallest sighed in unison. There was no way they could convince the Brain that the mission was a waste of time, so it was probably better that they just go with it. Red huffed and folded his arms.

“Fine. We'll do what you want.” he grumbled, handing the data pad back to the desk clerk. “Anything else?”

The little clerk shrugged, looking something up on the data pad. “Not really, just a few ideas on where to begin,” he said, “Irken Tak is a bit of an anomaly. Commissioned as an experimental unit, flunked out of the Invader Academy, abandoned her post on Dirt and fell off the radar... her behaviour is unpredictable, but there's been no evidence to suggest she ever left Earth. We can assume that she is still there. Whether she is alive or dead remains unknown.”

Red, feeling that he needed to strangle someone that day, decided that Tak would be the best candidate and he nodded. “Okay, okay, we get it.” he said, cutting off the clerk. “We go to Earth, we find her and crack some skulls-”

“Skull.” Purple chipped in.

“Skull,” Red corrected himself, “And then we head home. Okay. Simple enough. Let's go.”

He gestured for the other Tallest to follow him back to the shuttle, but Purple had higher priorities. “Hey, can't I just buy the snack-ball? I mean, if she's a criminal now and it's an inconvenience, we can cut out the middleman... middlewoman...” he offered.

Red kneaded his brow and left his fellow Tallest waiting for his answer, heading for the door. Unfortunately for Purple, the Almighty Tallest was to be disappointed. “You don't have the receipt,” said the clerk, shaking his head back and forth, “So, I'm afraid you can't.”

“Aw.” whined Purple. Thwarted, he left the chamber with his head hanging low, only to find that Red had disappeared without him.

“Great.” he muttered. Which way had they came again? The right? Or was that his left now?

Picking a route, Purple hurried to catch up with his brother, but upon rounding the first corner, he was surprised to find his way blocked. Barring his path was a small cluster of Irken Elites. Each one stood to attention, their gaze unblinking, staring ahead at their Tallest without even so much as a salute.

Folding his arms, Purple grunted at the group. “Okay, okay, I get it, I'm really great. Now move along... I've got places to be, smoothies to drink, so y'know. Move.” he ordered.

His command went unfollowed. The Elites still stood in his way, unblinking, unmoving... barely even breathing. Purple scowled and drew himself up to his full height. “Hey, I said get out of the way! Do it, before I make you shoot one another! I'm in a bad mood!” he snapped.

Still, the Elites didn't move. Pointedly clearing his throat and trying to shoo them out of the way had roughly the same effect. The group of Irken soldiers did nothing but stand there in silence, staring at him unnervingly.

Just as he was beginning to feel uneasy, one of the Irken Elites stepped forwards. The leader judging by his uniform, briskly saluted at the Almighty Tallest. “My Tallest,” he said, his voice a dull drone. “The Massive currently lacks ground troops, yes?”

The violet-eyed Tallest blinked. “Uhhh... well, we have the ship's crew... and the Armada...” he replied. The leader of the Elites saluted again.

“We would happily volunteer our services to protect our Tallest. Many of us are veterans and ex-IRSS potentials. Our skill-set is unmatched by any other unit within this sector.” the leader insisted.

Purple leant forwards to squint at the soldier's name-tag. Given the circumstances, perhaps additional ground troops would be needed. For all they knew, Zim would try to help the Tallest in their assignment and anybody that they could throw at the enthusiastic pest would be welcome.

Still, it was presumptuous of them to think they were suited for the task, so Purple went to put them in their place. “Well, uh... Elite Ghor, I suppose we could use additional help. But don't think you're getting paid extra for this. You all volunteered!” he pointed out.

Lack of pay didn't seem to demotivate them. “Of course.” said the Elite. He motioned to the troops behind him. “Saw, Bal. Load the supplies we require aboard the Massive and rendezvous at the arranged coordinates. Our task will begin immediately. Await further instructions.”

The two Elites saluted at their commanding officer and scurried off. Elite Ghor looked back up at his leader. “Permission to be dismissed and board the Massive?” he asked.

“Yeah, yeah, granted or whatever.” muttered Purple, waving them away. “Dismissed.”

The Elites, with mechanical efficiency, saluted as one.

“We obey.” they chorused.

Neither Tallest were aware that the mission that they were being sent on was a farce. The Control Brains didn't care about one runaway nobody. Even the massive snack-ball that had been described as such an obstacle was due to be used in a scheme to draw out the Resisty forces into an ambush. Very few problems that the Control Brains faced were allowed to be an obstacle for long.

Though the Almighty Tallest did not know it, their attempt to convince the Control Brains that a threat lay on planet Earth was actually a huge success. It had been during the silent periods of study, relaying the information with the Collective that the Central Control Brain had recognised the potential danger that the Almighty Tallest had brought to its attention.

But it wasn't Zim. At least, not him alone.

While the Tallest had been posturing and smirking at one another, the Central Control Brain had ignored them and instead linked itself fully to the hive-mind that formed the Collective of the Control Brains. Within an instant of it abandoning its task on Judgementia, its fellows, spread across the Irken Empire, did so too. They could sense their leader's urgency and awaited its announcement.

Once the other Brains were listening, the Central Control Brain made its request. “ALERT. REQUESTING DATA ANALYSIS.” it boomed, addressing the Collective at large.

Several high-ranking Brains responded to the query faster than their peers. Control Brain DOS, a scientific Brain that had been altered to let it go above and beyond the call of duty during scientific studies and experiments, was one of the first. “StATe yOuR fINdings.” she requested.

The Central Control Brain wasted no time. No sooner had it been asked, it had uploaded the video that the Tallest had presented it with and the Collective watched it, accelerated to suit their lightning-quick minds.

“The subject is Irken Zim.” stated Control Brain K9-LAH, one of the strategists that had forwarded the idea to keep Zim isolated. “Of note is the fact that he is within a failing space-station, destruction logged earlier today. This has been the most recent encounter with “Invader” Zim since he was placed under quarantine as a result of the destruction of the Judgementian Brains.”

“ZIM IS NOT THE SUBJECT OF THIS QUERY.” explained the Central Control Brain. “EXAMINE FOOTAGE OF ALIEN ASSISTING ZIM. EXAMINE LOCAL SURROUNDINGS. QUERY: SURVIVOR OF EXTINCT SPECIES?” it asked.

The Brains studied the image more closely and were surprised by what they saw. “ImPossIble. TheY ArE eXtInCt.” DOS declared.

“Indeed. The alien appears to be standing in a hypercube bearing internal structures that mark it out as a TARDIS, a vessel belonging to a Time Lord.” K9-LAH pointed out. “The appearance and external markings upon this particular TARDIS identifies it as the vehicle piloted by a known enemy of the Irken Empire.”

This was nothing the Central Brain didn't already know, but its programming made it ascertain their suspicions. “IF THIS IS TRUE, THEN ITS APPEARANCE HAS CHANGED SINCE THE PREVIOUS ENCOUNTER. CONFIRM THE IDENTITY OF THE TIME LORD.”

“ScANs Of TaRDis MarkIngS iNdICaTe, WiTh 100% AcCurACy, thAt tHe TiMe LorD iS tHe BeInG KnOwN As “ThE DoCtOr”.” DOS summarised.

The words were hissed around the Collective as they acknowledged this all-too-familiar foe.

The Doctor!

Like most creatures that sought to control all living things, the Collective held a special enmity towards that one particular Time Lord. Much like Zim, the Doctor was responsible for a great many setbacks to the Irken Empire's plans to conquer the universe. Every time he had fought against them no matter who or what he faced, the Doctor emerged victorious. Unharmed. Unchallenged.

Undefeated.

And now, the Doctor had found Zim. A master manipulator with a long history of hostility towards them had found their greatest shame. The only other individual in the entire universe who could rival the Doctor for the damage he could inflict on the Irken Empire.

In fact, during his lifetime, he'd already began to pull ahead a little.

It was an understatement to say that the Control Brains reacted negatively. Suggestions to annihilate the Doctor, Zim, Earth and its solar system rang out from every corner of the Collective all at once; an engineered plague, an artificially-induced supernova, unleashing a planet-devouring monster, all seemed like valid options.

With an unspoken command, the Central Control Brain dismissed such possibilities in an instant. Both Zim and the Doctor had faced such odds before and succeeded. Brute force would fail them, as it always did against the pair.

A careful, surgical approach was needed instead.

In the wake of its decision, the Central Control Brain consulted its brethren for better ideas. “THE DOCTOR HAS BEEN SIGHTED IN THE PRESENCE OF THE FORMER INVADER, ZIM.” it boomed. “THE ODDS OF A POTENTIAL CATASTROPHE ARE HIGH. SUGGESTED COURSE OF ACTION?”

“It would be logical to terminate them before they can strike. Even with Zim's prior loyalty, the Doctor's ability to exert control over other lifeforms is legend throughout the universe. He may not be immune.” K9-LAH pointed out.

“AgReeD.” agreed DOS. “ThE DeStRuCiVe quAlitiEs oF THiS ZiM-DoCtOr dUo wOuLd be UnMatcHed.”

“Affirmative. However, we cannot risk influence from the exile or the Time Lord to spread to the rest of the Irken population.” K9-LAH reminded the others. After a moment's computations, it outlined a potential strategy to the Collective. “To avoid breaking quarantine, this unit would suggest that the Massive is dispatched alongside a covert force to destroy the Doctor and if necessary, Zim. It would be best if the Almighty Tallest did not know the nature of this threat. Self-preservation instincts may prevent them from carrying out their task, or encourage them to ally with the Doctor.”

“SuItAbLE cOvEr?”

The Central Brain drew up all the information that they had on Zim's planet, Earth. One piece of information caught its eye. “THIS UNIT SUGGESTS USING LOCAL HISTORY OF ZIM HOSTWORLD, PLANET EARTH, AS PRETENCE. DISPATCHING TALLEST WITH INTENT TO APPREHEND INDIVIDUAL CHARGED WITH OFFENCES OF DESERTION WILL PROVIDE AN ADEQUATE COVER.”

If she could have, DOS' voice would have been laced with sarcastic surprise. “oH, HeR.” she snorted. Despite being in the hive-mind and the “conversation”, K9-LAH was confused.

“I thought that the individual was deceased? It had an encounter with Zim, did it not?”

“nEgAtIvE. i ReCeIvED No PaK DaTa InDiCaTiNG tErmInaTiON.” replied Control Brain DOS. “sHe hAS a HaBiT Of DiSApPeArINg AnD sO FaR, FuRTheR iNVesTigAtIoN haS BeeN iNHIbItEd By zIm quARaNTiNE. sHe MaY yEt SurViVe.”

“THE ERRATIC BEHAVIOUR THAT INDIVIDUAL HAS THUS FAR DISPLAYED MAY INDICATE A DEFECTIVE ELEMENT,” noted the Central Brain, “IT HAS ALREADY COMMITTED SEVERAL CRIMES. THEFT OF CLASSIFIED DATA, DESERTION, AMONG OTHERS.”

“And you believe this to be no coincidence?” asked K9-LAH.

“CORRECT. ALL POSSIBILITIES MUST BE ACCOUNTED FOR. GIVEN ITS SURVIVAL IN THE FACE OF IMPOSSIBLE ODDS AND THE THEFT OF THE CLASSIFIED DATA PRIOR TO ARRIVING ON EARTH MEAN THAT ANY ACTIONS TAKEN FROM ABANDONING HER POST TO THE PRESENT DAY, COULD INDICATE ALLEGIANCE TO THE TIME LORD.”

DOS sounded shocked, or as much as an emotionless computer could sound shocked. “sUrELy YoU DoN'T mEaN?”

“THIS UNIT SUSPECTS JANITORIAL DRONE TAK TO BE ALLIED WITH THE DOCTOR.” the Central Control Brain surmised.

Its logic was sound. The data that Tak had stolen was relatively low risk, restricted information used to pacify the Tallest and other high-ranking individuals into believing their status granted them importance. Even in the most dangerous hands, the information was harmless.

But it was still a criminal offence. Only her intent was unknown and the proximity to the Time Lord did nothing to lessen the suspicions of the Control Brains. The Collective did not believe in coincidences and Tak's less than exemplary record had put her on thin ice.

“It is a possibility,” K9-LAH noted, “But she was not the only one to take those files. During the window of opportunity, Zim exploited the backdoor code left behind to download the restricted data.”

“YOU BELIEVE THAT ZIM MAY ALREADY BE WORKING IN CONCERT WITH THE DOCTOR?” asked the Central Control Brain.

“Given the visual evidence that the Tallest have provided.” added the tactician.

This was bad news. Zim's willingness to take the files was another matter entirely. Despite the prior speculation, Zim had always been loyal to the Irken Empire. Insane, yes, but otherwise loyal. Under any other circumstances, they would have dismissed the thought without hesitation.

But the presence of the Doctor on Earth changed everything. Given his appearance on the same planet as the most destructive Irken alive at the height of Operation Impending Doom 2, it could be no coincidence. They were moving against them.

“THE DOCTOR HAS PREVIOUSLY THREATENED ACTION AGAINST THE COLLECTIVE. WORKING IN CONCERT WITH THE DEFECTIVE ELEMENTS, THIS THREAT MAY BECOME A REALITY. THIS UNIT HAS CALCULATED THAT THE DOCTOR WILL COMPROMISE OUR FUNCTION UNLESS OPPOSED.” said the Central Brain.

Without speaking, the Collective unanimously agreed with their leader. If Zim had thrown his lot in with the Doctor, or the Doctor had manipulated him into turning against them, immediate action had to be taken. The Time Lord would have no better opportunity at destroying them and had every intent of rendering the Collective of the Control Brains' primary functions moot.

It was that programming that they were ruled by. It dictated their every action. Every move they ever made had been weighted against their directives. The function of the Control Brains was to ensure that the Irken Empire would conquer the universe and spread themselves throughout the cosmos. If anything stood a chance of impeding this order, it had to be eliminated.

To that end, everything was disposable. Individuals, planets, even the Control Brains themselves to an extent. So long as a single Brain still functioned, the ability to coordinate the Empire through it remained a possibility.

The cooperation of the Irken race was not a necessity in achieving this goal.

Several of the Brains had been examining the option since the beginning of the meeting of minds. One Brain, stationed on Foodcourtia, spoke up. “Strategy Brains report that interference from the Time Lord has been prepared for. Criteria of such a scenario as the one we now face have been met.” it pointed out. “Activation of coordination protocols is now our top priority.”

The Central Control Brain didn't need to be reminded. “THIS UNIT IS AWARE,” it growled, “THAT IF THE PRIMARY ORDER IS UNDER THREAT BY THE DOCTOR, THEN COORDINATION PROTOCOLS MUST BE ACTIVATED. HOWEVER, IT WOULD BE CARELESS TO ASSUME THAT THE DOCTOR WILL ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN. HE MUST BE ELMINATED FIRST.”

“This unit concurs,” K9-LAH agreed, “Now that the Doctor is alone in the universe, he will not take chances. He may aim to eliminate the Irken species in addition to the Collective to ensure that the Empire falls. This would be substantially easier than attacking ourselves. It is our duty to ensure that they will continue to proliferate across the galaxies.”

“AgReEd. OuR PrImArY ObJeCtIvEs aRe oF eQuAl ImPOrTaNCe. ThE iRkEn rAcE muSt LiVe aNd SprEad. ThEy muSt rEmAin unDer oUr CoNtRoL. ThE cOlLeCtIvE MuSt rEmAiN FuNCtIoNaL. ThE dOcToR mUsT bE ElMInINaTed.” Control Brain DOS reminded her fellows. “wE CanNoT pRiOrItIze OnE fUncTiON ovEr aNoThEr, EvEn NoW.”

“If they are dispatched under the guise of pursuing Irken Tak, uninformed of our intentions, then it is almost inevitable that the Almighty Tallest will be destroyed by the Doctor. In the event of failure, should we prepare a secondary force?” K9-LAH asked. The strategy Brain knew better than to rely on the loyalty or capability of the Irken leaders in the face of such odds, given the three prior had been ineffective at best, openly traitorous at worst. Even the Central Irk Brain had to bow to its wisdom in preparing backup.

“IT WILL BE DONE.” said the Central Brain. “COVERT UNITS WILL BE SECLUDED ABOARD THE MASSIVE.”

“The main suppression force will be unable to catch the Massive before arriving in orbit above planet Earth. We should advise the onboard units to run interference until they arrive.” K9-LAH suggested. Hundreds of its fellow Control Brains simultaneously decreed that its idea was a prudent one.

“THEN DO SO.”

“aNd ThE ArMadA? ThEy aRe TaLlEsT lOyAl.” DOS noted.

“THE ARMADA CAN BE RE-ROUTED. DISSOLUTION WILL BE ACCELERATED BY DIRECT ORDERS FROM BRAINS OPERATING WITHIN TIME-MANAGEMENT SECTORS.” ordered the Central Control Brain. At its command, the Collective went diligently about its task, preparing themselves to strike when the time came.

Equally, the Central Irk Brain went through its own preparations, coordinating their agents on Judgementia, preparing to send the Almighty Tallest to their almost certain doom. It took no pleasure in the task, but neither did it take any dissatisfaction. It was a task that it needed to preform, programming dictating its actions once more, to ensure that its function would remain unimpeded by the threats they now faced.

“OPERATION INITIATED. RETURN TO ASSIGNED DUTIES AND STAND BY FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS. WE MUST ENSURE THAT NEITHER THE DOCTOR NOR ZIM WILL COMPROMISE OUR FUNCTION. THE WILL OF THE COLLECTIVE WILL BECOME ABSOLUTE.”

“Unanimously agreed.” K9-LAH said, returning to its original task, unobserved by the Irkens around it. Many of the other Brains followed it. “Awaiting your command.”

“AWaiTiNG YoUr cOmMaNd.” DOS echoed.

“ALL CONTROL BRAINS ACKNOWLEDGED. RESUMING REAL-TIME ACTIVITIES.” said the Central Control Brain, rejoining the Tallest on Judgementia. Its fellows returned to their duties and the great alpha of the Control Brains set about sending the Almighty Tallest on their supposed “mission”.

The Almighty Tallest hadn't even noticed the single second that had sealed their fate as it passed.

A full ten minutes after they had made their escape, neither Dib nor Gaz could believe that they were still running away from Bloaty's Pizza Hog.

It wasn't that either of them were unfit. Heck, Dib could do a backflip from a standing start. Like it or not, both Dib and Gaz had to deal with Zim and other dangers on a regular basis. The Irken's efforts to kill or enslave them had made the duo used to running for their lives at a moment's notice and, coupled with youthful energy and determination, the pair could just about keep pace with the Doctor's massive strides.

No, what floored them was that the Doctor, through virtue of being an adult or an alien or even just having longer legs than they did, had yet to falter. Once or twice he'd slowed down to a jog, letting them catch their breath, but as soon as they had done so, the Doctor had set off at full speed once again. Even the distance they'd covered already didn't seem to satisfy him, so he kept going, his frenetic pace forcing the children to run flat-out just to keep up.

Eventually, it was too much. After pulling into what seemed like the tenth alleyway of the night, Dib was the first to give out. Coughing and spluttering, he ran into a set of garbage cans and the crash of steel on concrete made his fellow runners halt.

“Wait… stop,” he begged, clutching a stitch in his side, “Breath… running.”

That was as far as he managed before he pitched forwards and fell to his hands and knees, wheezing. Gaz was more restrained than her sibling, leaning on the wall and gasping for breath, but even she was clearly taxed.

Annoyingly, the Doctor seemed to be more concerned that they had stopped rather than they were on the verge of collapse. Spinning on his heels, he jogged the half-alleyway he'd made in the few seconds distraction back towards them with a worried look on his face.

“Come on, you two!” he urged. He moved to pull them back to their feet, but both waved him away with a flat look. “You can't stop, you both know that Tak won't!”

Dib managed to look up long enough to shake his head. “After what you did to her? I can still feel my teeth shaking from it.” he coughed.

Shaking his head, the Doctor glanced around them, his eyes scanning the alleyway around them. “It's not Tak that I'm worried about.” he told the pair. “If she's a wannabe Invader, then she must have a SIR unit, yeah? A little robot like GIR?”

Both children looked at each other and grimaced. “Not… exactly like him, no.” Gaz answered, sniffing as she pulled herself together. “That one… worked.”

“Oh dear.” grimaced the Doctor, his worst fears confirmed. “How did you deal with it?”

“It wasn't waterproof,” replied Gaz, “I took it out with a can of soda. Then I had Zim's robot make it crazy.”

The Doctor looked thoughtful about that. “Carbonated drinks? I can see Tak being affected, but the SIR unit?” he mused. Then, he blinked, shook his head and sent a quick smile their way. “Nah, doesn't matter. If it works, it works. Good for you, Gaz. Don't suppose you've got any with you?”

Gaz sardonically looked between her two empty hands, then her pockets which were not covered in the results of a shook-up soda can. “No.” she replied.

“Well,” said the Time Lord, “We can consider that a back-up plan. It's not exactly vinegar and the Slitheen, but if push comes to shove it'll cause a nasty nip. In the meantime though, we'll have to make do with this.”

Reaching inside his coat, the Doctor took out the sonic screwdriver, wiggled it between his thumb and forefinger and set to work scanning the alleyway.

Now that they had stopped, Dib had finally pulled himself to his feet and glanced around them. Asides from the background noise that always came with a huge city like theirs, the alleyway was quiet and uninhabited, save for the three of them.

“Do you really think that Tak's SIR... robot... thing is going to find us? We're practically half a city from Bloaty's by now.” he pointed out.

Gaz looked as if she was going to respond, but decided to save her breath. The Doctor seemed equally sceptical of Dib's words. He continued scanning their surroundings, muttering under his breath to himself.

“Would she shield it from sonic attack? I dunno…” the Time Lord muttered, halting his scan. He tapped his sonic screwdriver on his lip thoughtfully. “Did she know about the weakness to liquids too? Urgh, I don’t like her, not like this. Too clever by half.”

The Doctor began to pace up and down the alleyway, meticulously scrutinising everything he laid eyes on. His restlessness was beginning to make the children nervous... or get on their nerves, at least in the younger child's case. “What are you doing now?” sighed Gaz.

“You two can’t run any further,” the Doctor explained, “So… we’re in trouble. I was hoping we could get to the TARDIS, but this means that we’ll have to make our stand here and hope for the best.”

He stopped pacing, looking the children up and down. Though the break had allowed the pair to catch their breath again, it was getting late and it had been a long day. Discounting the events surrounding Bloaty's, Zim's actions earlier that evening would be taking their toll by now. Making a quick getaway from the porcine pizza parlour only made things worse.

Dib knew it all too well. He was tired, his legs ached and he was far from relaxed. The thought of Tak possessing a working SIR that was able to catch up with them... it wasn't looking good for the three. He groaned and slumped back against the wall, turning to his sister. “Are we doomed yet?” he groaned.

Gaz didn't answer him. She narrowed her eyes, looking at something over the Doctor's shoulder as he scanned the alleyway.

Without warning, she scooped up a small chunk of rock and lobbed it into the recesses of the alley. It whizzed past the Doctor's ear and hit a distant group of trash cans with surprising force. There was a yowl and the Doctor whipped around as a tabby cat raced by him, screeching.

“What'd you do that for?!” he scolded, rubbing his ear. “That poor cat!”

Gaz glanced behind her as the feline made its retreat. “I thought it was the robot… it disguises itself as a cat…” she explained, sheepishly. The Doctor allowed himself to breathe again, shaking his head.

“Well… you could have warned me…” he grumbled. “You had my hearts racing like the clappers there…”

Despite the situation they'd found themselves in that evening, Dib had almost forgotten that the Doctor wasn't human and his curiosity got the better of him. “Wait... you've said that a few times now. Hearts?” he asked, emphasising the “s”. “Multiple hearts?”

“Yup. Two of 'em.” replied the Doctor, gesturing at either side of his chest. He made his way over to the wall and leant on it as well. Perhaps the escape from Bloaty's had taken its toll on him after all. He indicated his chest again. “I've got two hearts, a respiratory bypass that lets me recycle air without breathing, enhanced temporal awareness...”

“Does any of that help us right now?” asked Gaz, moodily kicking a stray can. Like the rock before it, it spiralled past the Doctor with impressive force and clattered somewhere in the deeper recesses of the alleyway.

“Well, if the robot tries to strangle me, then I'd say I've got a distinct advantage.” the Doctor shrugged. He held up the sonic screwdriver again, waved it around for a few seconds, then raised it to one ear.

“Nothing,” he told them, “Either Tak has shielded her SIR unit from standard scanning technology or it hasn't managed to follow us.” He seemed surprised at this and he closed his eyes, leaning back against the wall.

Watching the Doctor, Dib could see that he was anything but relaxed. He too seemed tired, but not out of physical exertion. Looking at him closely, the paranormal detective looked on as the Doctor stared at the wall opposite him, thinking. Perhaps he was mulling over his encounter with the female Irken.

Dib could only speculate as to what had happened while he and his sister had been under hypnosis. Judging from the look on the Doctor's face, it was nothing like the boy's previous encounter with the Irken. He wondered what the Doctor had said to Tak. What had Tak said to the Doctor in turn?

Not knowing troubled him. Dib remembered how, during her time on Earth, Tak had manipulated him. Befriending him, pulling all of the right strings to get what she wanted and had almost gotten away with it. There was no denying that she could read people and manipulate them.

Would the Doctor be as vulnerable? He didn't think that the Doctor was evil now, that much was plain to see, but he seemed to favour compassion and understanding. That could be a problem. It was Dib's own good nature that Tak had been able to use against him, gathering information on both Zim and the boy himself.

Still, he had to hope. The Doctor was no rookie when it came to alien invasions, Dib knew that much about the Time Lord. All of them, even Gaz, had some experience at fighting unearthly extraterrestrial threats. That was at least one positive that the children could take away from Zim's nigh-constant presence in their lives.

On the other hand, they were running out of time. Whatever Tak had planned, they had to act and they had to act first before she could set her scheme into motion. Dib remembered the magma pump and how it had caught them all unawares. He didn't want any evil alien getting a foothold in Earth like that again.

He gulped uneasily, his mouth still dry from all that running they'd done. “What's our next move?” he asked, trying to get the ball rolling again.

The Doctor looked thoughtful. “If you two are feeling better, then I'd say that we need to get to the TARDIS, get those things out of you,” he decided, “But making it there won't be easy. Tak mentioned that she's been keeping tabs on you and Zim for a while now, so his base will be under surveillance. If we could get in contact with him without Tak finding out...”

“We're not exactly friends,” Gaz reminded him, “It's not as if we can just call him.”

“No,” the Doctor murmured, “Thought not.”

“Don't you have anybody you can call?” asked Dib. The Doctor shook his head.

“No, not anymore.” the Doctor replied. He trailed off and sighed, dipping his head down in frustration. Dib couldn't help but sympathise with him, considering that he knew the feeling too. Every time he thought he'd came up with something, there was some drawback.

Infuriatingly enough, Tak had far more options available to her, considering that she was free from reprisals while her robot was hunting them down. She could go get her ship back, possibly endangering his father in the process. If she wanted to, she could even forgo subtlety and attack Zim directly. He was her primary target, after all.

Whatever she decided to do didn't matter, though. It wasn't as if they could take advantage of her distraction, with or without her SIR hunting them. None of the three knew where Tak's base was and even if they did, who knew what sort of defences would it have? The robot was probably just the beginning of the terrible weapons at Tak's disposal.

Sullenly, Dib cursed their luck. Why always him? Couldn't it just be easy for once? “We're pretty much screwed, aren't we?” he wondered aloud.

The Doctor looked down at him, then grinned reassuringly. “Oh, I wouldn't say that! It'll work out. Always does.” he smiled.

Despite their situation, Dib found himself smiling back. Say what you liked about the man... alien... man, the Doctor had a confidence about him that wasn't irritating or suffocating. A sort of benevolent, “don't worry about it” vibe that made a grim situation like theirs a little bit more tolerable.

In a more idealistic world, he might've even wished that he'd met the Doctor a lot sooner. He had so many questions he wanted to ask. So many. As a time traveller, as an alien, he could answer all of them. He could answer the question of whether it was all worth it or not.

An otherwise mundane sound drew Dib back to their harsh reality.

The scuttling sound of metal upon concrete rattled to one side of them, causing Dib, Gaz and the Doctor to look around in surprise. The can that Gaz had kicked into the darkness was now bouncing towards them, rolling along until it came to a stop by the Doctor's feet, seemingly innocuous. What followed it was anything but.

She looked like a small, slender black cat, padding from the darkness towards them, but any illusion that she might've been an ordinary stray fell away when her eyes flashed crimson and narrowed in an almost human display of recognition.

“MIMI.” Dib gasped.

Tak's SIR had found them. Her confident approach could only mean that she had been with them all along, skulking in the shadows, biding her time and listening to them plot together. Once she'd determined that there was nothing that could pose a threat to her mistress' plans, MIMI had confronted them at last.

The disguised robot made no move to attack them, but before she could even take another step, the Doctor had already placed himself between her and the children, just as he'd done with Tak. All of the reassuring expression he'd had before had gone and Dib was instead reminded of the look on his face when Gaz had confronted him, only this time it was warranted.

“Leave them alone,” he ordered, his voice calm and level, “If you want somebody to bring back to Tak, that's fine, I volunteer. But you leave them be, you understand?”

If MIMI was surprised at his confidence in the face of danger, her disguise didn't display it. The holographic cat that she was projecting tilted its head at them, then with a whirring click, the feline limbs shifted and moved to let her stand upright.

Dib grimaced. “Oh, now that's just freaky.” he complained.

MIMI ignored the boy, still staring up at the Doctor as her feline eyes narrowed to slits. The Doctor gestured at her. “He's right you know. Most cats don't exactly stand on two legs...” he pointed out. “You can drop the act. I promise I won't tell Tak.”

The little robot did so. In her true form, MIMI was still a small, metallic figure like GIR; a Standard Information Retrieval unit, built as an all-purpose robot for to be commanded by an Irken master. But unlike GIR, MIMI's optics held none of the other SIR's playfulness or insanity.

Instead, she was focused and intimidating, an attitude that carried through her stiff, almost military posture. In place of her right arm, a huge and intimidating claw was wired to her back via support cables and an Irken insignia was stamped on her forehead like a tattoo.

Much like her owner, now that she had shed her disguise, the differences between her and her male counterpart were jarring. It was even more surprising that this quality was not the only thing she shared with Tak.

“Find that guy and bring him back home!” MIMI barked. “I don’t care how you get him there, just do it!” she snarled.

The voice was familiar one, but it had a metallic tone to it, throwing Dib for a moment. His eyes widened in surprise, but his sister took it all in her stride. Gaz reacted to MIMI's metallic form with little-to-no reaction other than curiosity at the command.

“Is that… Tak’s voice?” she wondered. Gaz glanced around the robot, clearly expecting the Irken to emerge from the alleyway as well. “Where is she?”

The Doctor glanced back at her, still keeping himself between the disguised SIR and the children. “It’s just a recording, I think… she isn’t here.” he answered. He turned back before the SIR could act on the window of opportunity.

MIMI repeated Tak's orders, her form stoic and unmoving. The Doctor nodded at her in reply. “Like I said: you can have me. I'm perfectly happy to come along quietly.” he reminded her.

The Doctor then slowly raised the sonic screwdriver at the SIR unit and a cold, no-nonsense tone accompanied his warning. “But if you even think about going after the children as well, then I promise you, MIMI, you'll regret it.”

Making a note of the Doctor's decidedly frosty tone, MIMI narrowed her red optics and replayed the message once more. As she did, she pointed at the Doctor and dismissively shooed the siblings away, all without breaking eye contact with the Time Lord.

Reluctantly, the Doctor lowered the sonic screwdriver and tucked it back into his coat pocket. When MIMI didn't leap at him right away, he turned to face the others again.

“Right, well, there we are then!” he smiled, hands in pockets. “Dib! Gaz! It’s been great meeting the pair of you! Just keep Zim under control and save the world, yeah? Because, you can do it, you know. You're actually quite the little heroes, if I'm honest.”

Dib wasn't sure whether it was because the Doctor looked human, or if it was just because he was being acknowledged, but the Doctor's comment really hit home. “Heroes?” he asked, sounding unsure.

Then, the Doctor fixed eyes with him and Dib knew that he was being honest. No lies. No tricks. No secret insults. “Oh yes!” he beamed.

Acknowledgement after so long felt good, even if it was coming from an alien. It really, really felt good. Dib smiled. “Thanks.”

Gaz wasn't so taken with the Doctor's words. They hadn't exactly solved their problems. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Oh, please…” she groaned, looking up at the Time Lord. “What if you can’t stop Tak?”

The Doctor glanced over his shoulder at the waiting MIMI, then back to the girl. “Oh, don’t worry. I can stop Tak-” he began.

He didn't get much further than that. Without warning, MIMI leapt at him and swung her outsized right arm at the back of the Doctor's head, the metallic claw there curling into a fist. It slammed into him and the Doctor dropped like a bag of rocks, instantly unconscious.

Scooping up the crumpled form of the man from the floor with no difficulties whatsoever, MIMI hefted him into her shoulder and leapt upwards, onto a rooftop. She glanced back down at the children and with a flash of her crimson optics, both she and the Doctor vanished from sight under the shimmer of a cloaking device.

Dib could only open and close his mouth in horror, speechless. On the other hand, his sister seemed less disturbed by the sudden turn of events and she frowned up at the spot where MIMI and her abductee had stood.

“Well,” Gaz drawled, “I can’t say I wasn’t expecting that.”

Professor Membrane watched in satisfaction as his latest creation jerked to life, wobbling unsteadily as it came online. It looked to and fro, stretching its limbs and digits experimentally before motoring around the desk for a few seconds as it enjoyed its new life.

Cautiously, the Professor made some adjustments to the sensitive audio receptors he'd installed via a remote control and waited until his creation had gotten its bearings again. Then, it looked up into his goggles and its optics flashed with recognition.

Sentience.

“SUCCESS!” the Professor boomed, happily.

With a high-pitched wail, the robot cringed at the cacophony, then burst into flames. It swiftly crumbled into a twisted heap of fibrous wires and synthetic flesh, much to the disappointment of Professor Membrane. He shook his head and made a note in his lab-book for future reference.

“Sustained activation for approximately fourteen seconds before complete systems failure,” he mumbled, scribbling down his musings, “Cause unknown. Addendum: I did not expect it to scream. I should probably reconsider the PAIN receptors.”

Setting down his pen, the scientist surveyed his failed experiment one last time and sighed, brushing the remains of the little robot into the waste-disposal incinerator. His ennui was interrupted by the doorbell to the household ringing above his head.

Membrane frowned, tilting his head up to the ceiling and the doorbell rang again. The remains of his work forgotten, the Professor wondered what to make of the incessantly trilling doorbell.

“Hmm, I wonder who that could be at this hour?” he tutted, stretching. He checked his watch, his eyes widening under his goggles. Was it that late?

Then again, it did feel like he had been down in his laboratory for hours. He ran a hand down his face, deciding to ignore the doorbell in favour of his experiments. “The children are upstairs,” he said to himself, “I'll just let them answer the door while I attend to science's gentle call.”

The bell rang once more. Whomever was at the door, they certainly were impatient, noted the Professor. When the ringing went on, Professor Membrane titled his head upwards once more. Neither Dib nor Gaz had tried to answer it. Maybe they weren't home after all. Or perhaps they were asleep?

Yes, that seemed normal for kids their age. He forgot sometimes.

What age was Dib again? Eight? Fourteen? Had Gaz left school yet?

He forgot that too.

The irritating trilling coming from the front door wasn't helping his tired mind. In fact, it was getting on his nerves so much, that the Professor decided to investigate himself. Perhaps it was urgent. Or maybe Dib had just lost his keys again. Gaz tended to go through the windows.

Climbing up from his underground lab, Professor Membrane reached the door. Despite his fumbling with the door, the bell kept ringing.

“Yes, yes, I can only go so fast without my SKIN EXPLODING!” he reminded them.

Finally, the Professor pulled open the door. Behind it was a young girl, standing on the porch. She'd been tapping her foot impatiently, scowling to herself, but the second she saw Professor Membrane, her expression lit up like a thousand-watt bulb.

“Hello?” blinked the Professor. The girl beamed at him.

“Hey there, Mister!” she chirruped. “My name is Moofy! You wanna buy some chocolate ninja-star cookies?! Huh?! Support your local Girly Rangers?”

Moofy waved the box of confectionery treats back and forth, some of the chewy snacks emancipating themselves from their prison only to become embedded in the doorframe around him. Despite the damage to the masonry, Professor Membrane took his new visitor in his stride, patting her on the head in a gesture of goodwill.

“Why, no, small and annoying distraction. Neither myself, nor my children would like to buy your mass-manufactured, yet steeply priced snack cookies. Goodnight!” the Professor chuckled.

Moofy paused. Her eyelid began to twitch. “Y'sure?!” she bleated, her attempt at a smile masked by the sheer number of teeth she'd abruptly displayed in response.

“Positive! Goodbye!” said Professor Membrane, closing the door.

Shaking, Moofy raised her hand and began to hammer on the door, screeching. “If you don't buy the cookies, you'll be reeeeeeeeeeeal sorry, Mister!” she threatened. “D'you really wanna mess with the Girly Rangers?!”

A click interrupted Moofy. She turned her head towards the garden, where the electric anti-personnel fence crackled merrily in the moonlight. Its snapping reached a crescendo, then a bolt of electricity arced towards her, shocking her repeatedly.

After a few mild jolts, Professor Membrane opened the door again, his normally jolly attitude gone as he confronted the smoking and twitching Girly Ranger.

“I'll bet you didn’t think we had Girly Rangers in MY DAY, did you?! Well, I know your tricks! Now get out of here before you face the wrath of SCIENCE!” the Professor ordered. He raised his arms to the skies and lightning flashed above him. “SCIENCE WINS! DO YOU HEAR ME, DREADFUL CHILDHOOD?! SCIENCE WINS!!”

Justifiably cowed, Moofy screamed and ditched the prospect of selling at this home ever again, running for the next home along. When she'd arrived, the terror had worn off and her indoctrinated training set in again, preparing her to sell yet more snacks for the glory of the Girly Rangers.

Back at his front door, Professor Membrane frowned under the high collar of his labcoat, looking up at the murky skies and the thunderclouds that still flickered with energy. “Odd,” he ruminated, checking a device on his wrist, “The weather machine wasn't supposed to be ready until Tuesday. Probably the fence static agitating the controls.”

Shaking his head, Professor Membrane went to close the door when he was interrupted by a polite cough. Turning on his heel, the Professor was met with a completely different girl, who smiled and nodded in greeting.

“Oh, hello!” she grinned, the lightning casting flashes across her pale skin. “You must be Dib's father. My name is Tak. I was just passing through and decided to pick up the art project Dib and I were working on. Could you let me into your garage?”

Faced with such a well-mannered request, Professor Membrane had no other choice but to agree.

#Doctor Who #Invader Zim #Crossover #Fanfiction #Interlopers Invaders Investigators and Doom #Chapter 7 #IIID #... it's been so long...

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