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thoughtfulpaperback · 5 years

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Television and White People problems I cant relate to

I might make people mad, but I am just gonna say it. A good half the time I cannot relate to the problems and motivations of white people on TV. But I am going to list some scenarios that I cannot relate to

1. Unaffectionate Parents/parents that arent around much/parents who are strict = bad parents who ruin thier children

Listen purposefully withholding affection from your child as a manipulation tactic does equal bad parent. Never allowing your child to make meaningful connections outside of the home as a way to control them = abusive parent. But like shows like Gilmore Girls have the main character and side characters acting as if she has been horribly scarred by thier parents not letting them listen to rock or run around and dirtying an expensive dress. Or they excuse or justify a characters bad behavior because thier parents aren't around (usually these are rich characters).

I am a working class Latina and I always felt this was total BS. My grandparents were not affectionate people. There were no hugs or I love yous after the age of 5. Both worked long days and I was constantly left in charge of my siblings. I wasnt allowed to wear makeup until after I was 15 (I didnt start wearing it until I was 18) and when I did my grandpa constantly made comments like "what do you have on you face?" "Only ugly women have to wear makeup!" "If God wanted your nails to change color every month he would have made it so they could without that junk (nail polish)!". I wasnt allowed to listen to rap music. If my grandma bought me an outfit I wasnt allowed to do anything to get it dirty

I wasnt allowed to stay the night at a friends house until I was in high school and even then my grandparents preferred people stayed the night at our house versus me going to someone elses.

Guess what...I am fine. I never was rebellious. I knew they loved me. I knew they cared. I wasnt a teen parent. I can tell people I love them. I am affectionate with people I am close to. I graduated college. I was a good, friendly, well adjusted kid. All of my Latina friends were too. But like every other white "bad kid" or "jerk" is that way because of thier parents supposed lack of interest.

Listen I get the validity of loneliness or even anger at feeling as if your parents are not interested in you. I am just saying it is something that is not in my experience, so I have a hard time relating to it even though it is a very common troupe.

2. Cutting out family members/estranged family.

Ok so my Latina self has never, ever understood this movie plotline. Like I have extended family who may not even be related to me that are big idiots, which everyone recognizes, but I still see them at all the family events because it is rude not to invite them when they are family. Like we do not stand physically abusive people in my family. But that is what you have to be in order to be cut off from us. Stupid? A Mooch? Toxic? Prejudiced? A very annoying drunk? All those things are okay warrant toleration because you are family. And again this is extended family. In movies or shows where the child has cut off the parents from thier life or that make snide remarks or talk back to them...OMG not only can I not relate but I cannot even process.

Again I am not saying that people should have to tolerate any behavior which causes them anxiety or makes them uncomfortable. But like the idea of ever cutting out my grandparents or even my mother completely out of my life is unimaginable. Right not agree with the things they do or say, and I may not make an effort to reach out to my mom, but I will never purposefully avoid or talk bad about them to any one. And believe me my mom is pretty toxic but I would never hinder her ability to reach me if she needs me. I will no longer go out of my way to please her, but moving away having children and not letting her be part of thier lives. Nope not doing it.

Most of my latino friends live in multi-generational homes (grandparent, great-parents, parents, self and thier children). So just the idea that your grandparents or parents live in a different home than you was hard enough to wrap my mind around while watching TV. The idea that you moved across the country to get away from your family unimaginable.

Again not condemning any one who does that just explaining why minded just cant relate.

3. 18=Adult and going crazy

I am 25 (I think, I forget) years old. I am a virgin, I didnt have a sip of alcohol until I was 23 or right when I turned 24 (again I forget). I've never had a boyfriend. I have only been on like 3 dates with 1 person. I still ask my grandparents permission to go places, I tell them my plans and who I am with. I do this unprompted. My grandparents dont demand that I do it. I just do.

Dont get the wrong idea, I have had lots of fun. I lived on the dorms as a college freshman, I made lots of friends and was in multiple clubs, played intramural sports, worked as an activities coordinator at the college and hung out with friends. I've gone to concerts, I've traveled to multiple countries and studied abroad. I vacation with friends.

Like I could never relate to teenagers or college kids on television as a teen and I still can't as an adult. Dont get me wrong freshman year of college I met the Wild kids all testing thier boundaries and exploring thier sexuality now that they were out of the house.

But that just wasnt me. I didnt feel the need to. I didnt want to drink (my house wasnt anti alcohol or anything like that). I didnt want to experience getting drunk or trying drugs. I didnt have the need or urge to do anything sexual with anyone. It wasnt because I was ashamed of my body, saving myself for marriage, or emotionally scarred by my grandparents about the subject. I just didnt want to. My grandma always tells people when they ask her how she raised me to be such a good kid (although thinking on it I should resent being called a kid at age 25) that my brother and just came out perfect or the closest thing to perfect. Like I am not saying that to claim that I am, but just to give y'all the idea of how non wild I am.

18 was a wierd age for me. I was exploring mostly myself as an individual seperate from my family. Figuring out what I liked because when you live with so many people you kind of blend interests. Sometimes I dont know if I actually like an activities that I frequently do or if I frequently do it because one of my siblings likes it.

Making friends outside of family. I always had friends growing up but my closest friends were my siblings and cousins. College was the beginning of meeting people from different backgrounds and becoming friends based on common interests rather than out of convenience. A great transition to my next unrelateable troupe.

3. Peer Pressure and letting bullies get away with it.

So like for the longest time, TV made it seem like it was hard to stand up to bullies, like it was Big deal and hard decision to stand up for someone else. Like to an extent some more recent shows still do it (Glee for one). And I just cant relate.

I never cared what other kids thought of me. I was always secure in who I was and happy with myself. While I wanted to please my family, i never felt pressured to please anyone else to to follow the mass consensus on what is cool or not. I also could never stand a bully.

In elementary school I flipped over my shared desk when my desk mate called the new girl (who was on medications that made her fall asleep during class a re***d) and told him that if him and the entire class that if they have a problem with her then they can fight me and I am obviously not kidding. (My very first outburst and threat of violence). In the 7th grade a couple of girls were harassing a girl in the bathroom for telling thier secrets. Even though it wasnt any of my business and these girls were known for actually fighting other girls, I still told them that they were being stupid and to leave her alone. Which earned me a shove against the wall and a "you want to fight me?". To which I stupidly responded "I am not afraid of you" which was a huge lie.

My childhood friends who werent related to me were usually the people who nobody wanted to be friends with. Mostly kids werent considered "able" or were too "annoying". I hated the idea of people being shunned because they werent "able" or because they didnt have a concept of volume control, personal space, or the ability to read a room) or because we were related. I straight up yelled at a guy in the middle school lunch room because he was saying that I was so nice for hanging out with the special kids especialky Bob (not his real name) because everyone hated him for not being able to shut up or go away. Bob has asperger's syndrome or was adhd I honestly dont remember. He had an assigned aid and would get too close to people and once he started talking he wouldnt stop so classes were hard for him and making friends was hard to.

In 9th grade band class I stood up and called out the drum section for laughing and calling the drum majors (a Male and a female) a f*g, ugly crack baby, and other slurs while they were conducting and then told the substitute that I refused to continue playing until they were sent to the principles and dealt with accordingly. I then walked out and put my instrument away very loudly in front of the band and pulled a chair up behind the drum majors so I could glare the entire class down while they played.

In 10th grade a made a huge scene when a guy thought he'd be cute by saying that the only reason my friends and i were doing well in Spanish class was because we were "sucking mr.------ balls". I stood up and shredded into him about how that accusation was basically calling mr.----- a pedophile and that it showed how much of a sexist pig he was that he has to basically accuse successful ladies of having to used sex to be successful because that is easier for his ego than admitting his laziness inattentiveness, and bad attitude are the reason he is failing a class about his first Language.

I also yelled at a girl in the middle of the school grounds for saying there should be a holocaust for gay people.

Apparently I am the queen of making a scene. I list these things not a bragging thing, but because they werent hard for me. Most of were just reactive. I never understood why TV made doing the right thing seem like it was so hard and that you were being a freaking martyr.

I was never bullied. I knew that kids didnt like me but no one every messed with me or harrassed me the way they did other people. Doing the right thing did not make my life harder. Standing up for people wasnt some herculean task that took like two days of thinking and emotional preparation. The "majority" of people allowing mean spirited people to harrassed others never swayed me to let it go. Indifference was never an option in my mind.

So I was always really frustrated by characters who didnt automatically help a person who was being harrased. It is my least favorite TV or movie plotline. And again I can't relate.

Again this isnt to bash on anyone or to suggest that making a scene or putting yourself at risk are the only ways of helping others and standing up for others.

#personal #televison troupes

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