#It wad great i talked way too much unfortunately but alas. And at the end ... I had previously mentioned that evening that i
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I've done it again (acted like an lovestruck fool infront of my friends)
#miranda talking shit#Im so embarrassed i hate myself i wish i didnt react this way im making people uncomfortable im making things hard#Had a looooong talk with Fabian#6... Hours? Its 3.30 am now jajfnxjskskdkcjkd#It wad great i talked way too much unfortunately but alas. And at the end ... I had previously mentioned that evening that i#Find it better or easier to see people so i can know how they react. I hate being seen but seeing others i like and it helps me understand#Them. So the last 30-40 min he all of a sudden turned on his cam and i couldnt deal. I cannot deal#A sudden change like that when its 3am? I cant be normal. So i was stuttering and giggling and just being unable#To talk. And he just ... Sat there and was chill. And when that happens i get worse bc i realize how much embarrassed i am so yes#And he just ... 'you became so giggly' YES SO DID YOU 'yeah true'#I hate this part of myself bc usually ... Its my ... My crush is around and ya know im embarrassed bc of that so i act weird#But now it was like... Im still embarrassed but its not the same but im acting the same basically and i... Youre gonna think about it too#I react so fucking strongly to everything and its weird like please! Anyone who saw or heard me would assume i have the worst crush on him#In reality i got an crush on another guy and i just got so embarrassed bc im tired and yeah... Doesnt help he is the calmest calm guy to#Ever calm. I know for a fact i react worse when i can see others arent bothered... Im scared... Fellas im scared ... I have fucked up#Hes going to be weirded out now ... I am screaming help#Its bad enough i have acted this way around people i genuinely have a crush on... At least i.. Mean if they can tell i mean i am at least#Honest. I understand people in my past who have bullied me in these situations it must be hilarious#Having a chick go from yeah ok we can talk and joke and be alright to... I-i-i-i ca-cannot ta...t-t-t-talk#I wish i could say i was faking it too. No I literally stop myself many times and try to start over but my voice just shakes and#My brain is like 'haha... Mushy mushy what do we say ' end me#Fabian#'vad fnissing du blev nu' JA DET BLEV DU MED 'jo det är sant'
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