#It's actually a shame bc Ken would make fun of him for it but then also. Totally coincidentally. Would only get Big on his knees if there

[petroltogo]

Pls

Tsuna gets angry-kun out bcs his minions love him.

Pls.

Wanna see it

*cracks knuckles* Alright, Varia handler! Tsuna and the Kokuyo Gang planning a heist for the sake of the Varia’s greater good. Here we go:

Chikusa hadn’t expected Tsunayoshi to contact him. He definitely hadn’t expected Tsunayoshi to want his help in infiltrating Vongola Inc. to release one of their most valuable prisoners. But fucking with Vongola isn’t a job, it’s a damn pleasure. Besides Ken’s been getting twitchy lately. [There’s also the matter that there’s very little Tsuna-kun could ask for that Chikusa wouldn’t grant. But it’s not like Mukuro-sama doesn’t know that so there’s no point in bringing it up.]

The plan is simple and bloodless which is a damn shame, though not unexpected considering it’s Tsunayoshi who’s come up with it.

Vongola Inc.’s HQ looks like an impenetrable fortress -- and they come close, Chikusa will give them that. Their security is impressive and even the most talented hackers can’t infiltrate a system that doesn’t have any entry points. However, Vongola Inc. is a company. Is made up of humans who come and go every damn day. One of those humans is Tsunayoshi. And it doesn’t matter how great the security system is when someone pulls the door open for you.

[continues under the cut]

Not for Chikusa, mind. He and Ken get the fun part because they get to blow Vongola Inc.’ entrance up [taking care not to kill the security that Tsunayoshi greets by name because of course he does] and make a great show of being far more trouble than two supers against an entire organization could ever be.

That’s not to say no one dies. That would be a lie. Sure, they could’ve avoided the bloodshed entirely, maybe, but would Vongola Inc. have taken them seriously? Would them holding back have endangered their own lives? They leave the bystanders and the unarmed be and that’s more than Tsunayoshi dared to ask of them.

[Mukuro never forgot his origin. Chikusa doesn’t remember before but the sight of the Vongola Inc. logo brings long, too-bright hallways to mind and Ken has killed his first three Vongola operatives before the memories fully settle within their consciousness and Chikusa follows him like he always does.]

In the meantime, Mukuro ghosts through the chaotic hallways on the lower levels in Tsunayoshi’s shadow, unseen. They’ve entered the Rubbish Bin before the attack even started and the moment the first -- and unknown to Vongola last -- explosion shakes the building, one of his darling puppets [little Tsu-kun’s knowledge of which employees are responsible for what is proving so very useful] cuts the camera feeds on the five lower floors. It wouldn’t do to give their true target away after all.

Inside the Rubbish Bin, Tsunayoshi points out the sculpture in question and with an order from Mukuro to one of his favorite puppets, it disappears. 

[Mukuro doesn’t normally keep his puppets around long enough to pick favorites. Most of the time they’re too broken for him not to lose his patience but teleporters rarely run out of usefulness. And sure, Vongola Inc. has defences against them -- every organization worth their power does. But bringing those shields down from the inside isn’t as hard as people think it is.]

For a long moment, Tsunayoshi and Mukuro both stare at the empty space where the sculpture used to be. “You sure about this, Tsu-kun?” Mukuro asks after a moment, ignores the flinch in response to the nickname. He’s not sure why he asks -- he already knows what the response will be. [Knows it’s far too late for Tsunayoshi to change his mind.] But. It doesn’t have to be him. Mukuro’s hands are covered in blood and for all that it seems like such a negligible difference, saying ‘blow it up’ and pushing the trigger isn’t the same thing. It’s something that Mukuro could shoulder, for he wouldn’t even notice the added weight. And that thought, that desire is-- odd. Mukuro has never wished to shelter anyone else. How curious that Tsunayoshi still hasn’t lost that hold over him, even after all these years.

[Ah, sentiments. They will be the death of him one day.]

Tsunayoshi grits his teeth. His hands are trembling faintly as they reach for the explosives he carries in his unremarkable backpack that no security personal has given a second look, but that doesn’t stop him from walking further down the narrow aisle between the shelves. “Let’s get to work.”

Ten minutes after Chikusa’s and Ken’s frontal assault starts, they get the hell out of dodge. Two minutes after that the Rubbish Bin in the heart of the Vongola Inc. HQ is blown up, taking a good third of the first floor with it.

Everything that was stored within is lost in the explosion.

[Here’s the thing: They don’t need to attack Vongola to rescue Xanxus. They don’t need to destroy countless of unidentified and identified objects and material that ranges from worthless to priceless, don’t need to blow up all those records. The most valuable information is kept elsewhere anyway. But then, isn’t all information valuable. If it was just about getting Xanxus out, all Tsuna would’ve needed was to borrow the services of Mukuro’s teleporter. It would’ve taken ten seconds, if that.

But. It’s not just about getting Xanxus out. Tsuna has to think longterm. Has to consider that he doesn’t know yet how to get Xanxus out of the ice, what kind of damage he’s dealing with. Has to cover the Varia because they will fall under suspicion immediately, reasonable or not, the second Xanxus disappears. Has to buy time. As much as possible. And there’s no way to make Xanxus disappear subtly.

So Tsuna does the opposite. Because an attack by some villain brazen enough to openly move against Vongola, to be crazy enough to set up explosives right in the heart of their HQ -- that’s a statement and a powerful one at that. That Xanxus di Vongola is among the collateral damage, well. That’s just too bad, isn’t it?]

aka the one where Tsuna decides there’s no half-hearted way to move against Vongola. If you aren’t with them, then you’re blowing them up, there is no middle ground.

[Mukuro, Chikusa & Ken in the background: Well, actually you could just...

Tsuna: No. middle. ground.]

Is this me shamelessly poking fun at Vongola for failing to notice Xanxus’ disappearance in the main fic? No, why ever would I do that

[calocera]

SPOILERS FOR CATS 2019, here’s my hot takes and opinions

be warned, THIS IS LOOOONG

First off my overall opinion, i LITERALLY cannot say whether it was good or bad, like lots of critics say it just...is beyond that. It’s VERY fun and that’s all I can bring myself to say, I have LOTS of problems with it but I can’t even say that they make the movie bad. It is definitely worth watching

OPINIONS ON CHARACTERS:

Victoria: she’s good! I appreciate that they kinda left her personality blank other than her innocence since that’s pretty much how she always was, still not super thrilled with her as a main character but franchesca did the best she could

Munkustrap: I loved him! he was more of a main character than I would have expected, but they STILL cut all the charm from his lines... why do I love him then? Robbie fairchild did AMAZING background acting, whenever he was in frame he was always doing something SUPER munkustrap-y and making cute dad faces. he was dealt bad lines but he worked around it best he could. Also his legs were normal so...epic fail

Mistoffelees: 😒😒😒😒😒🤢��🤮 disappointed but not at all surprised...he was just a Woobie, a softboy uwu nice guy. I felt like I was seeing fanon 2013 loki in cat form. THEY MADE HIS SONG A SADBOY PITY PARTY SONG...WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THE 11 O’CLOCK NUMBER SLOW AND SAD???? Where is the smug little shit who’s vague and aloof yet confident and joyous? He was murdered by his evil homophobic shadow clone. I’m not even gunna indulge the fact that him and Victoria were a thing, I’ll go over that later. He also just constantly looked like the crying cat meme his eyes were so red and watery it was horrifying, yet somehow he wasn’t the worst character , that leads us too.....

tugger: what.the.fuck.did.you.do.to.this.boy. HE GOT THE TREATMENT I EXPECTED FOR MUNKUSTRAP! HE WAS DEMOTED TO BACKGROUND CHARACTER! not only did he not sing mr. mistoffelees, he literally did nothing other than his song, he never interacted with ANY characters besides jenny in 1 scene. I know cats has no set main characters but he’s undoubtedly one of the most important characters and he’s like...the least important named character in the movie. ALSO Jason Derulo was not sexy at all. There was NO hip thrusting NO sexy meowing NO glamrock, he was just an asshole and if I hadn’t already seen the original I would have either completely forgotten about his character or though he was the worst character. I’m so fucking angy I cannot express.

Girzzabella: ngl I expected better. Her acting was great but with the horrible effects I couldnt get invested but I’ll touch on the effects later. Her singing was good, but I expected it to carry the movie and it wasn’t at all the best song in the movie, I’d say she’s about as good as I expected she’d be but the movie itself was more enjoyable than I expected so she was less significant

Old d: she was fine, she LOOKED the part definitely, she didn’t have as large a presence as ken page but I wouldnt expect that of her. Her singing wasn’t the greatest though, her voice is fine by it’s just NOT suited to old d’s songs. I would have preferred she play a female gus bc her voice is very sweet and frail, not at all built for belting like her songs required.

Macavity: he’s just...eh. He’s basically a comic relief villain which sucks. He does practically nothing besides kidnap people, say a cheesy line, and act like a caricature of a 90s cartoon villain (and not one of the fun ones) like theres a scene where he poofs away and when he does it he goes, MACAvityyyyyyy and fades away its so unintentionally funny but it just makes him so lame as a villain. not to mention he doesnt even die at the end or get any satisfying conclusion he just gets stuck on top of a statue and his powers suddenly stop working (for some reason??)

Bombalurina: fuck that, I am simultaneously glad she only was in the macavity number bc fuck off Taylor Swift but also disappointed bc she deserved so much better.

Bustopher: 😟 never in my darkest nightmares did I think I’d see bustopher Jones deepthroat multiple crayfish but here we are. Somehow THIS was the most sexual song, I cannot begin to name the fetishes checked off by this performance bc itd hit word limit. Let me just say that I said multiple times out loud, “damn bustopher kinda a freak with it 😏😏” like I CANNOT stress how weirdly sexual it gets. And ofc its all otherwise just haha funney fat guy eat food and burp and fall down. He also breaks the fourth wall a few times which like, fuck you

Jenny: exactly what was shown in the trailer. Unfunny fat jokes and slapstick humor. Also they focused WAY too many shots on her cat pussy and I wish I was making that up. Also of note is that the cgi on the rats and cockroaches are drastically worse than the rest of the movie, like not just bad designs the effects are BAD. also they translated they whole gumbie cat fur-shedding as her wearing fake skin over her outfit which would be fine but UHH the fake fur is skin tight??? so it literally looks like shes ripping off her skin and she does it multiple times its fucking terrifying

Mungojerrie and rumpelteazer: meh, they are fine as characters, not quite as energetic as I would have liked but they didn’t massively fuck anything up? The song was horrible, they went against the beat for...some reason? Like it’s a song with a very distinct rhythm and they split up the lyrics so weirdly. I liked that they followed through with the lore of them working for macavity

Skimbleshanks: YES YESSSSSSSSSS HOLY FUCKING SHIT 💗💕💖💞💜😳😳😳😳😳😳😳💜💛🧡💚💖❤️💗 i absolutely CANNOT express how good skimbleshanks made me feel. He looks like a leather daddy with his chains and suspenders and hat and stache, I hate that I’m saying this but uh...mr skimbleshanks sir😳 we were actually screaming it was so fucking good. Watching this movie was worth it just for skimble. Unironically. I’m listening to the song as we speak. It was kinda weird that they moved the tap dancing to this song but that’s more of a detractor from Jennie’s and a plus side to skimbles since it’s good tap

Gus: good! Ian did a good job of course, no one doubted that he would.

Growltiger and griddlebone: not racist but still absolutely horrifying. One of the worst parts of the movie, I actually got squeamish looking at griddlebone a few times that’s how bad she looks

Everyone else: not that good. I couldn’t tell who was who, all their personalities were annoying, I’m on imdb as we speak trying to figure out who even was supposed to be who. Demeter is completely butchered and jemima just isn’t there, doesn’t sing her part, it all sucked man.

Tech talk:

CGI: okay so here’s the thing, the effects are good. GREAT even, the issue is how fucking horrible the designs are. The lack of cat nose, mouth, and hairy cheeks makes them all look disgusting. Also the feet. Holy fuck why do they have feet. THERES A FUCKING SCENE WHERE TUGGER GRABS VICTORIAS FOOT AND SNIFFS IT. IT LASTS LIKE 5 SECONDS. Old Deuteronomy, Gus, and Cassandra (bc she was already bald) are the only characters I’d say look anywhere close to decent, grizabella looks okay in profile but head on it’s all horrible again. its really such a shame bc the sets are gorgeous! i really hope this movie gets some form of recognition for its sets.

the editing and directing was DOGSHITTTTTTT there are SO many scenes where characters just teleport or parts where people are singing and no ones mouths are moving its really distracting

Other things:

it’s OBVIOUS that the critics calling this movie horny have never seen the original. I’d definitely say the movie is LESS HORNY than the play. It IS however waaaaaaay more uncomfortable with its hornieness, so I’d say in that regard YES, the horny stuff is much more gratuitous and off putting despite there being an overall smaller amount than the play. ie everything bustopher jones does

They changed a BUNCH of lyrics for some reason?? Like they cut verses which I understand but there are like a handful of lyrics in almost every song they just...change. like...okay? All changing lyrics is gunna do is make people who knew the songs frustrated when they can’t sing along

the dancing was incredible! shame the cg just fucking invalidates all of it bc your mind doesnt register it as real people doing real moves

OKAY THE FUCKING CATNIP SCENE so when taylor swift showers everyone in catnip they all just fucking start moaning and go FULL HORNY its TOO MUCH like misto full on does an o face like eyes rolled back mouth open  and munkustrap is like ass up panting i still havent processed it im fucking terrified to encounter it again. they cut the orgy? yet added THIS??? k

WHY did they take 2 of the most iconic characters who FREQUENTLY interact and just

a. Never even have them make eye contact

b. Make 1 a background character

c. Completely change the personality of the other one

On the topic of Victoria/misto: I am just still at a loss as to why they thought it’d be a good idea? They completely removed Plato and for what? This? Pathetic. It’s worth noting the weirdly munkustrap has WAYYY more chemistry with both Victoria AND mistoffelees then they did with each other (there’s a part where it looks like misto and munk are about to kiss for some reason?? munk ALSO gets all touchy feely with skimbleshanks???) anyways munkustrap king moments

tldr; its worth watching, the best parts were the sets, the dancing, skimbleshanks, and munkustrp fucking CARRIES the weight of the world with his face acting. the worst things were a big fat tie between bustopher, tugger,misto,jenny,growltiger and griddlebone, and the godawful design choices

[thebeauregardbros]

== About the Mun

– one / NAME / ALIAS. Will ✨ I also go by “ENSHOKU” on the Smule app and WillofRose a bunch of other places. My best friend nicknamed me “x50 skeleton death lord″ on fb messenger lmao

– two /  BIRTHDAY. 01/27/1996 🎂

– three / ZODIAC SIGN. Aquarius ♒ / Wood Boar 🐖

– four /  HEIGHT.  5′8″ (173cm) I like to wear high heels though, pumping me up to around 6′~6′2″! 👠

– five  /  HOBBIES. Shoe customization and light sewing, cooking/baking, digital art, poetry, & casual gaming. My favorite games are Bayonetta, Dragon Age, Undertale, Distance, SNK and CAPCOM fighting games.. eeh, I could go on - I dabble a bit in every game genre and love all of ‘em. Don’t play too many strategy political games or fast-paced multiplayer shooters though, sorry! 🤷‍♂️

– six /  FAVOURITE COLOURS. #ff005d, #ff9e00, #0bffb1 🎨

– seven / FAVOURITE BOOKS. Kyou Kara Ore Wa!!, Paros no Ken, Black Jack, Rookies, uhhh im sure there’s more i can’t remember SORRY

– eight  /  LAST SONG LISTENED TO. Future Wife Carly Haze 140bpm - Yumi Rose

– nine  /  LAST FILM WATCHED. uhhhh I think it was pan’s labyrinth? or was it like half of blade that I never finished?.. Or did I re-watch enter the spider-verse again recently?.. it’s been months since I’ve watched a movie instead of a tv show fdjkhgfjk, apologies, no idea

– ten  /  INSPIRATION FOR MUSE. Alus is pretty much the exact opposite of any OC I’ve ever played - I tend to make player characters that are very rowdy, vulgar, messy, brutally honest and loud, usually pugilists/monks with the personality of an overly cocky shounen protagonist with no fear or shame, always chaotic neutral types, often fun drunkards. Alus was the first time I made someone who was polite, neat, gentle and unwaveringly kind and good-aligned, and very lawful. At the time I created him in my life I was struggling a lot with ideas of traditional gender identity and frankly I’ve always liked pretty, elegant, romantic aesthetics - Once I realized I could identify as a prince in a fairy tale instead of being forced into a princess role just to have that sweet shoujo aesthetic (and reading Paros no Ken for the first time!), I decided on that aesthetic and went all-out for him to have it. But since I love underdogs, I made him a completely clueless guy who’s forever reaching for an unreachable goal (being royalty, specifically and especially an idea of a good guy fairy tale royalty, or else a perfection incarnate sparkly fairy tale knight in shining armor). I think that when a character is reaching for something that’s pretty much impossible or hopeless for them, I emotionally relate to them a lot. Alus bullshitted from the beginning that he was a hero, or a warrior of light, or a prince in shining armor there to save everybody, and after a very long journey... He pretty much is! And I think that’s extremely beautiful and heartwarming that he’s changed so much after working so hard. And his journey has been full of things that have weathered him into a more realistic idea of these things. I think seeing his foolish optimism somehow exist despite everything horrible that’s happened gives me hope for the world. A few months after creating and playing Alus, I played Undertale for the first time which very dramatically and permanently changed the way I felt morally and how I viewed the world (no joke!) so I decided from then on he’d be a pacifist, or at least an aspiring pacifist. I realized I drew a whole crap ton of inspiration from Vash the Stampede in writing him afterwards. I headcanon they have the same english voice actor too, haha.

His first ever inspiration for his personality was actually Judge Harry T. Stone from the 1980s sitcom Night Court. Talk about an obscure reference! One of Alus’ themes is also a Mel Tormé song, which is a direct reference to Harry’s obsession with the singer in the show. (FYI, if you like/can stand sitcoms with live audience laughter, Night Court is still incredibly funny imo, and really heartwarming when it deals with difficult topics - very humanitarian morality throughout.)

- eleven / GOD KNOWS WHERE IT WENT. god knows..

– twelve  / MEANING BEHIND YOUR URL. thebeauregardbros is pretty self explanatory; this was meant to be a blog to document Alus and Arc’s adventures! Arc doesn’t show up much, so it became more of a casual blog for me ‘n’ Alus. @thefakenarcissist (my art blog) is a bit of a 2edgy4me title I gave myself once I decided to start faking self-confidence until it became real, which has honestly worked for me since I made the URL! I used to be terrified of showing or holding any sort of self confidence in fear it would label me a narcissist (usually a word with a negative connotation.) It’s also a bit of a reference to my favorite Street Fighter character, Vega, who’s musical theme is called “The Masked Narcissist”. He’s definitely a bad type of narcissist though, haha! But yeah, tldr; I think it’s better to fake acting like a goofy narcissist than to not have any confidence at all and act like it’s a normal and fine thing, because it’s not! Saying mean things about yourself is an act of self-harm, and I will always believe that. Alus is the same.

Tagged by: STOLEN BC IM VAIN

Tagging: @mostdangerouspotato @clearsundays @miqo-vynnie @handofcards aND U