#It's my bday soon and I've never had a lesser inclination to celebrate it
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I feel like shit, too many straws on my back and one of them is def gonna break it
#Arushi rambles#It's my bday soon and I've never had a lesser inclination to celebrate it#God ugh#My best friend isn't in town#Neither is my boyfriend#And my anxiety won't shut up about how he's actually forgotten my bday and won't even wish much less send a gift#And recently we've been talking much less too since he went back to his hometown and we went long distance#And it feels like I'm the only one who even wants to talk and it's starting to make me feel really really stupid. So stupid that I get angry#Like I get its gotten really stressful. Since he is back home plus has this whole really frustrating job hunt going and it kinda makes sense#To not always want to talk because of how frustrating life has been lately and I'm really trying to be understanding of it all#But it feels horrible to pick up my phone at 2 in the afternoon and have absolutely 0 texts since last night#Which was also me trying to initiate a casual conversation that we did not even end up having#And it makes me want to completely stop initiating any conversation and it's making me want to stop putting in any kinda effort and ughhhh#idk man#I thought this would be different#If he does forget my bday I don't think I'll stay with him. I'm not making the same mistakes here.#I was an idiot to not recognise lack of efforts in the last one I'm certainly not doing it again#No matter how fckn amazing and consistent he'd been the 4 months he was here.#Maybe I should tell him I'm feeling like shit I know I should but whenever we talk he sounds so down and stressed already#I really don't feel like adding on#Ugh idk
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