#It's only the fourth episode and I'm ready to murder for all of them

[respectthepetty]

Interesting Fact:

If you listen closely during these scenes,

you can hear their hearts break.

Or maybe it was the sound of mine breaking

[hottpinkpenguin]

The Way of Winter - Chapter 6

Joel Miller series Female reader insert

A/n: takes place at the end of episode 6 (spoilers if you haven't seen!). I took a few liberties with the location. Took a (suuuuper) long hiatus - but I'm back!

Taglist (Since it's been so long, if anyone doesn't want to be tagged anymore pls let me know!): @missdragon-1 @this--is--music @caravelofthesun @ishouldclean @mezmerwrites @babypeapoddd @ay0nha @tpwkstiles @one-sweet-gubler @coolninjavoid @ameliabs-world @superflymaterial @p-muffin @s1xthirty @flightlexsbird @nataliemdixon @krisviciousx @notsosecretspy @freerangesweets @partyofone3413 @angelfxll @bojana-aa04

Word count: 1,662 | Tags: slow burn | Warnings: graphic descriptions of gore, reader getting shot, cursing

Joel watched y/n as she methodically cut away the scales and took out the innards of the six fresh trout she’d caught for dinner. Her hands were red and raw from the ice cold water, but she moved with a confidence and dexterity that impressed Joel, against himself.

It had been three days since Joel had begrudgingly agreed to trust Ellie and let this stranger lead them deeper into the woods. She hadn’t spoken to either of them since. Joel vacillated between irritation, mistrust, and antipathy towards her. Ellie seemed more inclined towards pity. She’d attempted to speak to y/n on several occasions, but was never met with anything more than a contemptuous stare. The silent treatment was grating on his already haggard nerves. Between her self-indulgent petulance and the near-constant throbbing of his stitches, Joel was ready to snap. And tonight was as good as any for a fight, he thought darkly. 

“How long do you mean not to talk to us?” he demanded. Although she didn’t look up from her task, Joel didn’t miss the way her movements got sharper when he spoke. He was under her skin. Good, he thought. If I can bother her, I can break her.

“You’re not the only person who’s lost someone, you know.” Joel pressed forward. Ellie had stopped tending to the fire in favor of shooting him warning glances. Joel knew that Ellie saw y/n as their only shot at surviving in this wintry wasteland. She wasn’t wrong, of course. But Joel Miller was too proud to let anyone - especially y/n - lord that over him. 

“It’s pretty fucking pathetic, actually,” he went on, adding a little extra acid to his words. “Sounds like you didn’t even try and save your family that you apparently gave such a big shit about.”

Joel didn’t even see the knife leave her hand, didn’t see it streak through the air or bury itself in his foot. In fact, Joel found himself regarding the knife curiously for a heartbeat before his brain even registered pain. In that heartbeat, y/n had risen from her crouched position on the side of the icy mountain stream and was striding over towards him, murder in her eyes. 

“Jesus Christ, y/n, no!” Ellie was small compared to y/n - scrappy and tenacious, but too small. She flung herself impotently into y/n’s path, but y/n shoved her aside easily. 

“What the fuck did you say to me, you motherfucker!” Y/n’s scream was hoarse, like she’d been yelling for hours on end. In spite of himself, Joel laughed. At least she’s talking, he thought with glum satisfaction as he felt hot blood pooling in his boot from where her knife had sunk into his arch. The fire in her eyes blazed all the harder, and she threw herself down on top of Joel. Her hands closed around his throat like a vice, ice cold and deathly strong. Joel struck out with his fists, aiming for the sides of her head. He landed three heavy blows, and with each one her grip strength waned a bit. With the fourth slam, Joel felt her hands completely slack off his throat as she pitched sideways. Ellie had regained her footing and had climbed on y/n’s back, shrieking like a banshee as she tore at y/n’s hair, neck and shoulders. As if in slow motion, Joel watched as y/n turned 180 degrees and threw herself backwards against the ground, slamming Ellie’s back on the frozen earth. Ellie let out an ugly, strangled grunt, her eyes widening in pain and shock. Her arms went slack around y/n’s shoulders as she gasped silently, trying to force air back into her lungs.

Everything froze in suspended motion. Joel saw y/n’s expression soften as she surfaced from her rage-fueled outburst. She stared down at Ellie with a look of disbelief and horror as the girl writhed in the snow, her hands clawing futilely at her throat. Her face was turning a deep shade of crimson as she continued to fight for breath. 

“Fuck, no no no no no.” Y/n was kneeling next to Ellie, hands visibly shaking as they covered her mouth in horror. Joel’s mind felt like it ground to a halt, the satisfaction he’d felt moments before at successfully breaking y/n out of her reverie vanishing into smoke. Without thinking, Joel reached for the gun in his waistband, leveling it at y/n’s chest and squeezed the trigger. The gunshot ripped open the woods. It was still echoing off the trees when y/n collapsed on the ground and Ellie sucked in a greedy, gasping breath…

******

“Jesus fucking Christ, Joel, you killed her.” Your mind was fraying at the seams. The moments around you weren’t making sense. You couldn’t find the thread that tied them all together. 

You felt a blazing, fiery pain in your chest. It spread up one side of your neck, down one of your arms, and radiated throughout your torso. Each inhale and exhale made it worse, agony searing through your veins like wildfire.

Hands on you. Small hands on your cheeks. Warm hands. Your cheeks felt cold, your face felt cold. Clammy. 

Then, there were bigger hands. Meaty hands, pressing down on that fire-blasted hole in your chest. You shrieked at the pain, but you were surprised to find your voice choked and drowning. You gurgled in pain, begging. “Please please please please.”

“It’s alright, y/n, we’re here.” A young voice. Girl. Your eyes slipped in and out of focus.

Treetops, high above you. Dark, bare branches against a slate-gray sky. Snowflakes.

“She’s losing too much blood, Ellie. It’s no good.”

“We’ll fucking die out here, Joel!”

More pain, more pressure on your chest. The pain was white hot, but somehow fading at the edges. Like you were pulling away from it. 

“I can’t unfuck this, Ellie!”

“You fucking KILLED her!”

Your veins weren’t burning anymore. They were freezing. Ice in your body. Running through your arms, your neck, your eyes, your legs. Tiny, shallow breaths. In and out of your nose. The sky above you beginning to darken. 

“She almost killed you-”

“Joel, if she fucking dies out here so do we!”

Quiet. Three sets of breathing. Two ragged and deep with rage. One - yours - panting. 

“Christ…”

A face above you. Dark eyes, salt and pepper hair. You recognized it.

“Y/n?! Can you hear me?” 

Your vision began to drift. You couldn’t keep your eyes focused on the face. 

Footsteps. Moving away from you. 

“What are you doing?”

Silence.

“Ellie, goddamnit, wha-”

“She’s bleeding out. We need to cauterize the wound.”

“The bullet’s still in there.”

More quiet. Darkness pulling in over you like a curtain. Your lips felt cold.

“If you cauterize the wound with the bu-”

“You got any fucking better ideas?!”

Inhale. Quiet. 

******

Joel’s heart made a sickening twist in his chest as he watched y/n’s eyes loll back in her head. The dark stains of blood on face and neck contrasted garishly with the whitish-blue tint of her skin. Joel had seen plenty of people die, and more than a few of those had died by his hands. But y/n was going down hard. Stubborn bitch, he thought to himself with nauseous guilt. Can’t even die easy. 

Behind him, Ellie rose from the campfire, striding over with a frying pan. For a moment, Joel didn’t comprehend what she was doing. He just stared at her, dumbfounded.

“Pull her jacket back for fuck’s sake!” 

“A frying pan, Ellie, are you serious?” 

“It’s the only thing that’s hot enough, just fucking do it!” Joel’s hands shook as he lifted his hands off y/n’s bullet wound, a fresh torrent of blood seeping out without the pressure of his body weight to staunch the opening. That’s a good sign, he thought idly as his hands ripped back the layers of dirty clothing to reveal y/n’s bare, bloody chest. Heart hasn’t stopped pumping yet.

Ellie hesitated only momentarily, her face turning green before she laid the sidewall of the frying pan against y/n’s wound with a gut-wrenching sizzle. Joel swallowed down a wave of vomit as the horrid smell of burning flesh ripped through his nostrils. Y/n stirred only slightly at first, but after a moment her eyes popped open and she convulsed, letting out a weak wail of confused pain. Joel was quick enough to grab her hands before they reflexively batted away the hot frying pan. She mewled in protest, eyes rolling aimlessly, not seeing anything. 

“That’s enough, Ellie.” Ellie pulled the frying pan off, tossing it aside and bending over to empty the contents of her stomach on the snow. Y/n went slack under him, and Joel felt himself come down from the adrenaline high with a vicious crash. His breathing was heavy, chest heaving with each inhale. He hung his head, weak with dying fury and bone-crushing guilt. Ellie crumpled into a seat on the snow beside him. 

Joel didn’t know how long the three of them stayed there in that clearing. Y/n was unconscious, but alive. The barely-there rise and fall of her blood-coated chest confirmed that much. How she’d survived, Joel had no idea. He could only guess that the bullet had missed the lungs and the heart by mere millimeters. Maybe, with all the tussling she’d been doing with Ellie, she’d moved just enough to throw off his aim. Try as he might to deny it, Joel had been aiming to kill. Acting on reflex. Protecting Ellie.

Or maybe he’d flinched at the last moment. Maybe, even though his reflexes said kill, some part of him said save. Because one thing became clear as day to Joel Miller as he sat in that bloody snowbank, twilight sinking over the frozen forest:

If y/n died, Joel Miller would never get over it.

**more chapters coming soon! let me know if you'd like to be tagged (or untagged) if you like this series, check out my Last of Us masterlist for other works

[skepticalsdude]

Epithet erased theory: Bliss Ocean's fourth Officer.

I remember watching the seventh episode one day and hearing Percy say that Zora was the 3rd highest ranking officer in its organization (and everyone else knows who the other two are so I won't talk about them) but she said 4 but I think I might have a clue on who the 4th one might be.

Who is it you might ask? Well, I think it's Howie.

Reason #1. His attitude towards epithets

The guys got what Bliss Ocean's recruitin'. Yeah, a strong dislike towards epithets (and sometimes, the owners), but his thoughts are about how the world isn't fair (quite literally) because companies/employers prefer Inscribed people over Mundies, even if said Inscribed weren't qualified for the job. A good example is Gorou. A man who isn't even fit for the position of sheriff because he's extremely naive but got it because he was the only Inscribed person in all of Redwood Run. Not to mention the fact that Zora mentioned how Mundies have to work TWICE as hard just to get something. So that might also explain why Howie is so tied to his work, he literally has to work extra hard just to receive some kind of recognition even if it's a very small amount. Not to mention that a majority of the world's population are Mundies and in every 5 people are Inscribed. ( Talk about tipping the scales of society in others favor)

Reason #2: His interactions with Zora

This was one of the first things that caught my eye. And it's his behavior around Zora. When the pair first meet, she's at the train station he's renovating, standing on top of his work. Howie is annoyed at this, not just because Redwood Run pisses him off with really dumb jobs that aren't even real, and the one person who does have a real one doesn't even fit the requirements for it, but also because a nuisance just showed up and ruined the last good moment of his day. Top it off with the 'Zora develops an onsight relationship with everything (and everyone) 8ft around her' thing. So Zora just pissed off Howie and made him lunge at her, jumping off the scaffolding he was sitting on. And keep in mind that a typical scaffolding tier is 5'7 and he was sitting on at least 3 tiers.

See now this is the part that caught my eye...With its dialogue. Howie falls and braces for impact but he's left floating in the air. And if I remember correctly he said that he should've seen this coming, leading to Zora saying yup. Just yup. I mean yes, Percy DID explain her epithet out loud but Howie probably (and I mean probably) didn't know that her epithet worked on people

Or did he?

Just think about it, IF he was part of Bliss Ocean then I have a feeling that as a coworker she's a menace, she'd probably put slippery shit on the floor, hide behind a corner, then catch anyone if they were to fall while saying something like 'Ya owe now bitch :]." And that would also be the reason why she caught him. If he gets injured in any way, Bliss Ocean won't have an operating top officer for weeks.

Now the next thing I'm about to say is what started this whole theory. And these are two lines of dialogue.

When Zora was on Howie's back, she shoots a clock, shattering the class and causing it to fall off the wall that was holding it. Then this exchange happens.

Howie, begrudgingly: I'm going to let this go. One. Time.

Zora, inconsiderately: Duly noted. Starts shooting more stuff.

These lines caught my attention, mainly because of Howie's line. Usually, most people who would say that to someone often know the other person for like months, sometimes years. Which just so happens to tie into another reason of mine that I will get to at some point.

His tone also plays a small part in this. The guy sounds like he's ready to commit third degree murder. Zora's line is also very interesting to me because of her tone and choice of words. Zora's tone is careless, she doesn't seem to mind Howie obviously minacious tone. Her words are dismissive but fully aware of what he might do, but she does it anyway. And with that, Zora leaving him spinning in the air just so that she can chase Ramsey and Percy.

Reason #3: The "opposite" diagram

So in EE, everyone's supposed to have an enemy. Molly has Lorelai. Giovanni has the Bliss Ocean leader. Percy has Ramsey. And Zora has Moot. This applies to all major characters. Why didn't I put Indus, Mera, and Sylvie? Because I don't know who their 'opposite' is. But for Howie I think I might have an idea. All the Bliss Ocean officers are paired with each other, with some traits that are similar and others that are different. Moot and Zora both have insanely strong epithets that affect them in a way. Most fans speculate that Zora is a cowboy from the past, so she has to use her epithet on herself to stay young and not crumble to dust. And Moot, from what @jelloapocalypse has said in a stream as a starter (since she's still in workshop), Moot can basically delete stuff with her hands. Which might mean she can't really do anything with them or else she'll delete something. Now who am I thinking for Howie? Yoomtah. Think about it, both are Mundies, have well paying jobs (Architecture rated 2 in the field for construction work and Chauffeurs receiving 5 figure payments a year), and could probably pummel everyone in the Bliss Ocean HQ, Zora and Moot included (without any use of epithets). Yet, with similarities comes the differences. And that's all in their personalities. Yoomtah is a energetic gremlin who's favorite past time is probably trolling people on the Internet for joke purposes and probably not care if you end up being a small bump in her road. However, Howie is a straight-laced, straight forward man who's about work and work only. If reading this and you don't get what I just said, no worries I'll explain.

Yoomtah is the energetic and carefree half to his straightforward and hardworking. Just like how Zora is the messy and lazy to Moot's uptight and neat (From what I can gather about Moot as a character).

Aight last part here we go.

Reason #4: Howie's place in the plot

This is mainly about Howie's place in the plot as a character. In Anime Campaign, (don't check out what that is, it's old and outdated) Howie was a background character, not that important. But when the poster for the series dropped, I saw that he was on it. You only see characters on promo posters if they're major to the plot. And since Jello did say that he plans on changing a lot of stuff in this series, this would include characters and their position in the plot, NOT TO MENTION how Jello said that Howie was a family friend to the Blyndeff's and would babysit the girls when they were little.

That's all I have for now but I know I'll add more later on. If you got anything, feel free to add on

[talkingbl]

Things I Want to See in More BLs (Mar 2024 ver.)

This is very Thai BL focused. Here's what I want to see more of this year:

Good stories from the companies with the money for good production. I feel like 2023 was kind of a slow year for competent storytelling + excellent production quality. My BL of 2023 was probably I Feel You Linger In The Air because it was one of the only ones to combine both decently enough.

I'm not sure how to label this yet but I'd like more reality shows like DMD's Friendship The Reality. I've not finished it yet but the concept is really intriguing to me. These types of shows can result in a couple of interesting outcomes. Either:

People get to see how the pairings are made, so it takes away the urge to project a real relationship onto the actors;

Newer actors get to showcase their skills and possibly gain some initial support for their early projects;

We get to really vet the chemistry between actors before they're placed in a pairing so that fans are not as weary about potential re-pairings (like the case with Net and James);

We get to just get to know the people we're supporting by watching our faves develop into their own; or, perhaps most importantly,

We get to see and maybe even comment on what goes into their media training (since some actors seem to have a problem with being sexist, racist, homophobic, etc.).

These types of shows really give us insight into the training and (possibly even a bit of the personalities) of these actors in a way that I think facilitates a more camera-ready talent base.

Fewer tiktok influencers and more seasoned actors. If we could get more professional actors like Nonkul, and fewer 18 year old influencers who actually want to be singers or kpop idols, that would be great.

More actually good OSTs. MSP's OST was one of the best in any Thai/Japanese/Korean drama I've ever watched??? And it was all cast-made. I'm not saying everything needs to be made by the cast, but it needs to sound good enough to be ear-wormy.

Actually good horror BLs. I think to pull these off, we need more natural actors going into it, higher production quality (ESPECIALLY audio quality, like 75% of good horror is sound design), and better execution on concepts.

For example, DFF's teaser is what DFF should have actually been… Like, it was good when it looked like a scary gang of gays murdering a classmate and being creepily gleeful about it. And the end product is still kind of that but the execution of the story became fucked for me in like Episode 2. I also don't think it balanced the romance aspects of the show well enough with the horror aspects in the beginning to capture my interest. Horror is very dear to my heart--one of my first loves in film. Good horror it should be shocking. The villains should repulse you. Here, the main crew of guys were billed as the villains in the teaser and yet from episode one, I was not that interested in their personalities, relationships, backstories, etc. It was like there was too much plot and not enough character. The mystery wasn't as captivating as I think the showrunner thought it was and the violence didn't feel dire.

Personally, I think IFYLTA was a better horror BL than DFF lol.

Fewer Singer-first Actors. Forget about what I said about MSP's OST for a second. I am so tired of seeing decent acting talent slowly get phased out of acting to become idol singers. It's okay if it's like Nunew who, in my opinion, is a better singer than actor. But when it's someone like Fourth with genuine acting talent that is becoming ever more scarce, it's always sad to them fall to the dark side lmao. This is something I even noticed with DMD's Friendship the Reality. Like 90% of the guys wanted to be singers and were using acting (particularly in a BL) as a stepping stone measure. And I know that in that case they were accepted into DMD as "artists" rather than "actors", but the end goal of that show was to star in a BL and like most of them didn't want to do that... We need more thespians in this genre.

More visual diversity in ML roles. This one is particularly for Thailand where they will quickly cast a darker-skinned actor in a villain role but not an ML. I'd like to see better representation in ML roles not only because I think it's important for people to realize darker-skinned people can be just as handsome/beautiful, talented, and versatile as their pale-skinned counterparts but also because many people simply want to see this (and you can get more people interested in the genre, which means more growth in the industry). So, for purely capitalistic reasons, it even makes sense haha