#It's probably about a week before Neil's coherent enough to explain it all

[jtl-fics]

For Want of a Nail

New Kings If Neil hadn't gone to Hernandez's house? (@stabbyfoxandrew)

New Kings AU | Unusual Fic Asks - Closed

Andrew felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin. It'd been a month and a half since anyone had heard anything from Neil Josten. Neil Josten may not even exist anymore but everyone was telling him to be calm, telling him to wait.

He snapped at the upperclassmen who did not matter and drew his knives more than once just to make them shut the fuck up. He wants to leave, wants to head out and start tracking down clues to find Neil and bring him back.

If he has to go to jail then he'll go to jail. It's never scared him before and it's not about to scare him now. He is more than happy to be Neil's trophy husband this time around when he gets out.

He makes plans to leave in the dead of night. He writes letters to Aaron, Kevin, Nicky, Wymack, and Betsy to explain himself but in the end that's the only kindness he can give them.

Neil had long been the highest thing on his totem poll. He has no idea what it would take to have someone come above Neil or to have Neil's importance to him wane.

He has plans to lock himself in a storage unit he's rented that is temperature controlled and remote so no one will hear him screaming for his medication. He can't be going through withdrawal on the meds.

He leaves the Tower in the dead of night and makes his way over to his GS having already started to come off of his medication slightly so that he'd be sober enough to drive out of town.

"Where are you going? It's not safe for you to drive." comes a voice and oh great he's hallucinating Neil. It was something he'd often done back at East Haven, his perfect pipedream always just out of reach.

"I'm going to go get you. I'm sober for the next hour before the effects start to hit." he returns with a roll of his eyes.

"Get me?" his hallucination asks. Andrew doesn't want to turn and look into Neil's young face. He's not sure he can handle seeing it.

"You ran off before Wymack, Kevin, and I could get you." Andrew scrubs a hand through his hair wondering why he's talking to this figment of his withdrawal. Except he knows why and that reason why is that he misses Neil desperately.

"Andrew...are you..." he hears the figment of his imagination trail off and then footsteps and then-

His hallucinations have never been able to actually touch him.

He whips around and there standing in the parking lot at 3 AM is a young and exhausted looking Neil Josten. Andrew's hands shoot up to cup Neil's face and he is alive and warm under his fingertips.

"Drew, it's you." Neil says with a watery smile and that was all he managed to get out before he pitched forward and utterly collapsed into Andrew's arms.

"Neil?" Andrew questions before realizing that Neil had truly lost consciousness, he can feel Neil's forehead burning against his shoulder where it lay"Neil!" he exclaims and gets a proper arm around Neil before he falls to the ground. He manages to get the passenger door to the GS open and puts Neil inside before rushing around to the other side.

Abby's old address in mind he twisted the key and started her up. Stomach churning as he broke speed limits and ran lights.

[harringrovegals]

Billie’s Backstory

(Since only the first few tags tend to work, here are the trigger warnings up front)

Rape/NonCon, Abuse, Miscarriage 

Max and Susan enter Billie’s life shortly after she turns twelve. They enter her life barely six months after her mom has left. 

Billie is still heartbroken when the Hargroves and Mayfields combine households, but Max is kind of cute at times and for the first month her presence means that Billie doesn’t get hit. 

Of course, good things end quickly in Billie’s life, and she finds herself moving a bit stiffly in her next ballet class because yes, Billie is a bunhead and she’s actually quite good at it. She grew up in the studio. It’s where her mom worked before she took off. The teachers ask about her bruises sometimes, and Billie brushes them off as skating injuries. She knows they find it suspicious, but when she starts carrying around a skateboard, they stop asking questions. They just give a short nod when on the days when she has to step off the floor and to the side to give her bruised body a break, and they praise her when she returns and does well. She still goes. She has to go because ballet will be her way out. The moment she turns sixteen, she will find her way into a proper dance school, and she will never have to see her father again.

Even though he goes back to beating her on occasion, Neil is still reluctant to hit her in front of Max, and Billie takes advantage of that. She tries to win over Max’s favor. She takes Max out with her. She buys her ice cream, teaches her how to surf, and goes with her to the skatepark. Despite her lie to her teachers, Billie does not skate. She can rollerblade decently. She can stand on a skateboard for short distances. She doesn’t try more than that. She has no desire to add more bruises to her body, and she definitely has no interest in risking her ability to dance. She still sits and watches as Max practices. To be honest, she’s proud of her new little sister. Plus, she has fun scaring off the bullies who try to scare Max away from “their park”, and there’s the added bonus of being able to check out the girls under the pretense of admiring their skills.

One girl, in particular, catches Billie’s eye. Her hair is curlier than even Billie’s. She piles it up high on top of her head when she skates, and she has freckles coating her olive skin. Billie eventually learns that her name is Cristina, she is in the grade above Billie, and her lips are always coated in the latest flavor of Bonne Bell Lip Smackers. 

Max thinks that Billie and Cristina are just BFFs, and that the reason Billie doesn’t introduce Cristina to Neil is that Cristina’s skin is darker than Neil finds acceptable.  Billie’s already sat Max down and told her about those things, and while Max rightfully complains that it’s unfair, she seems to have started to see that there were some things you just didn’t push around Neil. 

Cristina teaches Max new tricks. Max keeps quiet about Cristina. Billie starts to think that maybe she’ll survive to see 16 and get out of the house. Time passes, and Cristina and Billie grow closer. They go to parties together and sneak off to make out in closets (the irony) or sometimes in the back of their cars. They have a small circle of close friends, friends that are close enough that they don’t need to hide anything from them. 

Neil grows angrier though, and Cristina catches on. They get into their first real fight. Cristina yells that Billie should tell someone, get help. Billie yells at Cristina. “Don’t you think I’ve tried that already? There’s no one who can help!” They part still on bad terms, and it’s three weeks before they speak again.

Max gets frustrated that she can’t see Cristina because Billie doesn’t want to go to the skatepark. Instead, Billie stays at the barre she’s installed in her room and runs through the exercises over and over. She blocks out Max’s banging on her door. 

“Just apologize to her already!” she screams when Neil and Susan aren’t around to hear. “You’re best friends. She’ll forgive you.”

Billie kicks her leg up a little harder and ignores the tears streaming down her cheeks. 

Max bangs against the door even harder one evening and shouts even louder about saying “sorry”. Billie’s not in the mood for it. Neil had slapped her in the face just before he and Susan had gone out for dinner, and she’s been on edge ever since.  She throws open the door and glares down at the redhead. 

“What even makes you think it was my fault to begin with?”

Max glares back at her. “Because that’s what you do. You start fights.”

Billie feels like Max has punched her,  but Max continues on. 

“I hear you and Neil fighting all the time because you’re not respectful, and I know he’s like tough or whatever, but he doesn’t yell at me like that. He only yells at you because you’re always breaking the rules. Mom even told me so,  and I know you get into fights with those bullies at the skatepark. You’re always telling them things to make them angry...”

Max goes on and on, but the rest of her words sound like static in Billie’s ears. It’s a Saturday. She’s a freshman. There’s a party at some junior’s house, and Billie’s got to get out. 

She doesn’t even care that Max is still standing there. She strips out of her practice clothes, sprays herself with some light perfume (she had barely started her exercise and is far from sweaty), and she pulls on her tightest mini-skirt and the top that makes her boobs look amazing. She fluffs up her hair and applies some makeup while Max tries to interrogate her. 

“Are you going to apologize to Cristina?”

“No,” Billie replies sharply.  “I’m going to a party.”

“Neil will kill you.”

“And I’ll kill you if I stay here.” It’s an exaggeration, and Max knows it. She still gets out of the way when Billie brushes by her. 

The party is well underway by the time Billie arrives, and she makes her way straight to the drinks. If she’s going to get the shit kicked out her, she’s going to make sure her night is worth it. 

She drinks, she dances, she kicks off her shoes and wades in the ocean before stumbling back to the beach bonfire to snag some of the marshmallows that are being roasted by those too drunk to do more than sit right then. She keeps drinking until the world spins about her ever so slightly, and then she lays in the sand and laughs. 

Tyler-Tanner-Trey---no, definitely Tanner leans over her and offers her another drink. He’s a sophomore. He plays basketball or something. She takes the drink and lets him help her up. They talk and laugh about something stupid. Billie can’t remember anything other than she found it amusing, and then she finds that she’s in a bedroom. 

“Bathroom’s through there,” he tells her when she stares at him in confusion. “Remember, you said you needed to pee, but you didn’t want to go outside.” 

Not really, but she goes inside and uses the bathroom anyway. Always a good idea. She washes her hands and does that drunk thing where she blows kisses at her own reflection because drunk her is stunning, and then she heads back out to the bedroom. She stumbles. Her head is foggy. Her head doesn’t get foggy when she’s drinking, and that’s the first sign that’s something’s off. She gets dizzy when she drinks. She blurts out more, but she never loses her coherency. This is -this is wrong. Something is wrong. Her mouth isn’t working right. Her limbs are too heavy. This isn’t fun. 

His hands are on her. His breath is too hot against her face. And oh shit, it hurts. It’s not supposed to hurt. She’s crying, and then she’s alone. 

She stays on the bed. She loses track of time, and when she can finally move again, she struggles to right her clothes. The party is starting to die out. Tanner’s long gone. A few people notice her tear-streaked face and how she has to lean against the wall, but no one goes near her. Not until Cristina. Cristina drops the cup she’s holding and rushes over to Billie with no hesitation. 

“Shit, Billie, Baby,” her voice comes out in a low whisper. She helps Billie out to her car and puts her in the passenger seat. She drives them a short distance away to a private place, and then she holds Billie while she cries. 

“Can you tell me what happened?” 

Billie shakes her head. She’s probably getting snot all over Cristina, but the other girl doesn’t push her away.  

“You know you can talk to me. Whether we’re girlfriends, friends, or whatever, I will help you whenever you need it.”

“You’re too good.” 

Cristina chuckles lowly. “Yeah, I know.” She tightens her grip on Billie, and for a moment, Billie lets herself feel safe. 

Things don’t change overnight. Cristina drives Billie home and drops her off three houses down. Billie has no choice but to walk through the front door, but Neil has thankfully passed out already. Susan, however, has waited up. She takes one look at Billie, and she ushers her to the bathroom. 

“Neil?” Billie asks.

“He didn’t notice,” Susan assures while turning on the shower and testing the temperature. “He had a few too many drinks. I checked your bedroom for him and told him you had been sleeping, that you woke only long enough to explain you had had one of your migraines and gone to bed early. I told Max not to say anything, so don’t worry.” 

Susan confuses her. She stares away while Neil hits Billie, but the next moment she’s babying her like she’s her own daughter.  Susan doesn’t lecture her about going out. She knows even if Billie obeys all the rules, her dad will find something wrong with her actions, so it’s pointless sometimes to follow all of his strict rules. 

“Did you have a good time at least?” 

Billie’s eyes betray her, and Susan pats her hand. 

“It’s hard being young. Go ahead and wash. I’ll get you some clothes. Brush your teeth well.”

Billie does as she’s told for once. The bathroom door is opened ever so slightly and a set of soft pajamas are slipped inside. Billie tugs them on and leaves her hair damp. She’s not ready to sleep yet, which is probably good because Neil is waiting in the hallway. 

“I thought you had a migraine,” he grunts. 

Billie worries for a second whether she had gotten all her makeup scrubbed off or if there’s any trace of alcohol still lingering on her.  “I-I..”

“She did. It was a bad one too. She even had a fever. Thankfully, her fever’s already broken, so I had her take a shower. I didn’t want her to sleep in her sweat and get sick again,” Susan’s voice is far too cheerful. She wraps an arm around Billie’s shoulders and tugs her to the couch. “Come drink the tea I made you, Sweetie, and you should take another dose of Tylenol while you’re up just to be sure it doesn’t come back.” 

Susan pulls her on the couch next to her. She bundles her in a blanket though it’s not cold and first hands her a glass of water and pills. She has Billie drain the whole glass of water, and then she gives her a mug of tea to sip at. She even pulls Billie to lean against her. 

“Don’t worry, Honey,” she directs at Neil. “I’ll take care of her. You should get your rest.”

Neil stares at them for a few moments, and then he nods. “You should stay in bed tomorrow and rest,” he says gruffly. It sounds nice enough, but Billie’s worried that if she did do that, he would decide to punish her for being lazy. 

“Yes, I agree. A day in bed might do you good,” Susan adds. “In fact, Billie and I can have a nice quiet day at home while you go on your fishing trip and Max is at her friend’s house.” 

That weekend is the first time Billie thinks she might actually be able to think of Susan as a mom, and for awhile, things are good between them. They’re not going good enough for Billie to tell her that she thinks she’s pregnant though because she thinks she is. It’s not hard to figure out. 

Billie takes the tests in the bathroom of a convenience store. She can only afford three, but she would buy out the whole store if she could for the chance that one might be a negative. She laughs over the irony that Neil has called her a d*ke her whole life (which she is), but somehow she’s also a teenage mother. 

She goes to the library and reads everything she can get her hands on while  hiding in the back corner. She reads magazines, medical journals, and self-help books trying to find the answer she needs. She even decides to quit smoking because she stumbles across a newer article saying that it’s dangerous not only for babies but humans in general. That sucks.  She had really liked smoking.

She only has so much time to decide what to do, but she also kind of knows. A baby means no dance school. It means no escape. It means another victim in her household. She just doesn’t know exactly what to do yet. 

She doesn’t get a chance to decide though because Max finds one of the magazines hidden away in her room, and Max is still angry but she’s also apparently worried about Billie. She tells her mom what she suspects, but Neil overhears. 

Billie goes flying down a set of stairs. When she wakes up in the hospital, there is no more baby. There is only Neil. He stares down at her. 

“I must have been so dizzy to fall down the steps like that,” she mumbles, and he nods approvingly. 

“Perhaps our new house will not have so many stairs,” he replies. 

Billie’s home from the hospital for a month before they move. It’s just long enough for her injuries to heal and for her to learn how to fake a smile. It’s not long enough for her to let go of her anger. It’s not long enough for her to grief what her life could have been. There’s no longer a baby, there’s no longer ballet or surfing or Cristina. 

There’s just Hawkins,  Indiana.