#It's so frikking exhausting i just don't wanna keep doing it
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Oh careful. thoughts
#okay i know late night posting is dangerous#but I am very scared for my future and my life in general right now I feel physically sick with anxiety and worry#and guilt. guilt and the general why-can't-I-do-anything feeling#amd i hate that I dropped out of basically everything because og the mental health and now i have no degree no skills#and no energy left to even try anything again because what's the point#and i never got properly treated anyway but somehow I thought I would be better now and that's what's expected of me now anyway#like I'm not allowed to have another breakdown because by now I've had too many of them#and I just can't do rhat to my family again#they are already fed up with me#and I'm not just saying that to feel bad about myself#i know they love me but I know they're beyond annoyed with me not having my shit together and I can't blame them#god i just. like actually actively really despise my life right now#and I don't know how to make the necessary steps to make it better#i don't want kill myself. i just don't wanna be me. me is completely nonfunctional.#It's so frikking exhausting i just don't wanna keep doing it#i just want to quit#gonna have to delete this tmrw
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