#Jan.wip

[zukkacore]

Tumblr is trying to deny you guys Starbreaker content well I say ur gonna get these wips whether they’re finished or not

[j2zara]

Two soulmates finding each other lifetime after lifetime. And also their live-in boyfriend

[j2zara]

@neerdowellnarrator sorry to snoop but, I have something along those veins? I caved so here is the other half of the unfinished wip—the part where LJ3 are arguing over the what they're gonna do about The Name. It's in a state rn, but I thought it was kinda fun and melodramatic and at least kiiindda matched both prompts?

_

“It’s not going to work…”

Ellie doesn’t know how long they’ve been lying there, the springs from her mattress digging into her sides, but it’s not until she can hear Blue’s quiet snores that she braves herself to speak.

“Hm?” says J3, half asleep, shifting so that his chin rests on her shoulder. “Wha’s’at?” He stifles a yawn, a sound that Ellie finds precious despite herself. Despite everything.

She takes J3’s arms wrapped around her waist and holds them tighter to her person—her last indulgence since their break. She can’t help herself. It’s one thing to give up sex, it’s another to give up her one fool-proof trick for a full night’s sleep free of nightmares. 

She’s always told herself that when she broke her rules, it was for a good reason. But she knows it’s bullshit.

She just doesn’t want to give up her last good thing.

But this time, she needs the comfort. When she thinks about what comes monday—the student president election, it’s like her brain just—stops. Their whole miserable half-lives have led up to this. Life in Jaceprime’s basement has been hell on earth, but at least there was ritual in the mundanity. At least she knows who she is when she’s resisting captivity.

What happens when the God of War gets exactly what he wants? What happens when he doesn’t?

Maybe she doesn’t have to tell him how she feels. Maybe they really are matching spares. Maybe, just maybe, he can just feel her tremble, and that is why he gives her hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Ellie?” he tries again.

“The, uh… The ritual. It’s not going to work.” Ellie’s always thought of herself as someone who was unafraid to speak her mind. Hell, she’s gotten into shouting matches with the guy who locks them in the basement every night. So why is she so afraid to speak? “The—The name is wrong, J3.”

The quiet is painfully long. Finally, he says, “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Positive.”

She expects more questions, maybe pushback. Instead, he says, “Okay. I believe you.” A beat. “Does Porter—”

“No. Not yet, at least. But when he does—”

The sound of shifting blankets from across the room, and she can feel J3 stiffen beside her. She, too, has gone completely still.

What do you think he’ll do?

J3’s voice in her head when the rustling stops. A Message.

Well… says Ellie, If he doesn’t smash us to bits—send in the Ratgrinders on the cloudrider, I guess. So close to the deadline, the attack on Seacaster Manor is our only chance to get it.

Makes sense.

And he’ll probably send Boss in to supervise.

Or one of us, says J3.

She nods. Or one of us.

Deadened silence.

You still have that ring I gave you, right?

Ellie touches her Ring of Disguise Self, turns the band around on her finger—a reflex. She can feel her cheeks flush, and she’s grateful to be turned away from him. Even though she’s mad at him, she can’t bring herself to give it back. “Yes. I—of course I do.”

Okay. Good.

J3 is quiet.

What are you thinking? asks Ellie.

I’m thinking… You should volunteer for the cloudrider mission.

“What?” says Ellie, too loud. She hears a quiet, disgruntled mmph from Blue, and the creak of a mattress. More quietly, she tries again. “What? Why?”

‘Cause I’m gonna take your place.

Ellie jerks around to face him. She’s been trying to keep her cool all evening, but she can’t. It’s no use. It’s not who she is.

“No!” cries Ellie, and J3 shushes her, glancing over at Blue’s bed. Thankfully, the curtains are still closed, but she doesn’t care. She opens her mouth, intent on giving him a piece of her mind, but—

There’s something so resolute in his expression that she forgets to breathe.

He has the audacity to smile at her. Like they’re having a slumber party, exchanging secrets late into the night. Instead of plotting treason. El. Think about it. They’ll never know the difference.

“You’re insane.” Ellie sits up. You can’t do that for me, J3. Besides. Boss’ll never believe it. He’ll know something is up immediately. She hesitates. She’s disgusted with herself for even entertaining the idea; disgusted that a part of her is moved. But it’ll never work—not when she’s J4. She’s not the precious gift, or the shiny toy, she’s the mistake. “You know me, I’m—I’m whiny and stubborn, and—”

J3 follows her. The blanket falls to the floor. His eyes are wide, animated—he’s speaking with a fervor she’s never seen from him before. He takes her face in his hands—Which is why we’ll—I��ll— convince him that it was his idea. Like, it’s, I dunno—a punishment.

Ellie doesn’t answer.

C’mon, El. He’s still smiling. Like this is some sort of game. You know I can do it.

A beat. How does she tell him that that’s exactly what she’s afraid of?

“I—I can’t, J3.”

You can’t deny it, El. You know they’ll both be preoccupied during election night. It’s the perfect window.

A beat. The thing is—he’s right. They both know it.

And it might be your last chance, before—

“No.”

“Yeah. I know it’s not all that, but we don’t have that much time, alright? I figured we could at least try… y’know?”

“No, J3. ‘No’ As in. I can’t ask you to do this for me.”

You didn’t have to, El. You—You deserve a real shot out there, you get that, right?

Ellie’s heart is hammering in her chest. Talking to J3 has always been hard enough when he’s flirting, cracking jokes, doing what he always does. She didn’t realize how much worse it was to talk to him when he’s being sincere. 

He really believes in her, doesn’t he? He always has.

J3 is still cradling her face in his hands.

Stupidly, Ellie yearns for him to lean down and kiss her—when that should be the last thing on her mind. Instead, she murmurs—“But what about when he finds out the truth, J3? What then?”

The corner of his mouth tugs in a small smile—bewitching and infuriating.

Well. You’ll be long gone by then.

“Don’t be stupid!” says Ellie, wrenching away from him. I’m not leaving you.

“Why?”

The utter confusion in his expression could break her heart. She knows who to blame here. Knows that He is the reason J3 is the way he is. Knows she can’t just cut and run like J3 wants. Come Ascension day, she’s going to take the Big Guy’s maul and drive it straight into His face.

“What do you mean ‘why’? You know why!”

Ellie hates feeling this way. She wants to tell J3 that she is not like Him, she will never be like Him. Wants to tell him that he’s never been a spare, that she would never, ever, use him as a shield. Wants to tell him the truth about her plan, that she’s not going anywhere—at least without taking the Big Guy down with her. Wants to tell him that she can’t go alone—that she can’t see a future without him.

She wants to tell him that she loves him.

J3 is the first to break the silence. “Why won’t you just let me do this for you? I’m dead either way, at least this way—”

“Will you quit talking like that? What I wanna know—is why you’re so insistent on this. You know full well I can’t go anywhere. Not without being Dispelled.”

J3 is quiet.

“J3. What did you do?”

“I cut a deal with Him, ok? With, ah, the Big Guy.”

A beat.

“You did what?”

J3 is avoiding her gaze. “He knows the name is busted, he found out yesterday. And so I—I made the terms. I get him the name, he becomes a god. You get True Life, and you’ll be gone before Jace knows anything.”

She can feel herself blinking back tears—whether they stem from hurt or anger, she does not know. “How could you do this? You’re working with Him?”

“What do you want me to say, El?”

“He’s evil!”

“Well, I’m not a hero, ok! Not like you. At least this way, everyone gets what they want.”

“Everyone? J3, are you serious?”

“Yes, everyone.”

What about what you want?

“All I know is that—I want you to get out, ok? You deserve to live your life, El. I dunno. Out of all the things I’ve ever wanted, I think that’s the only one that's ever meant anything at all.”

Ellie is shaking—she’s still refusing to cry, refusing to wrangle with the cataclysm of pain and longing and grief that threaten to overwhelm her—which is why she’s running on pure fury and disgust and betrayal when she reaches for him, unsure what she’ll do until she’s grappling him by the shoulders and pinning him to the mattress. J3 struggles against her, but Ellie doesn’t let up. For once, it’s not a game, and he is not getting out of it with a pout and a brat routine. She grabs the butterfly knife under her pillow and holds it to his throat.

A beat. 

He smirks. “See you kept the gift.”

“Shut up,” she growls. She presses the blade further into his skin, watching as his neck flushes red, following the trickle of a single drop of blood.

“There’s not going to be a deal, you get that? I’m going to kill Him. Whatever it takes. Don’t try to stop me. And don’t get in my way.”

J3’s mouth parts—Ellie watches his chest rise and fall as he just breathes, staring up at her. 

“You won’t hurt me.”

He’s looking at her with so much trust that she aches. Ellie can hear the knife clatter to the floor before she even realizes what she’s done. That she’s let go. She leans forward, speaking softly into his ear.

“J3. I swear—if you even think about taking the fall for me, I’ll—” She has to think quick. Something that a long rest won’t heal. Something that will stick—a blemish on that perfect face of his, hers, theirs, Jace’s—so that Boss will never get them mixed up ever again—

Her hand curls around his throat. “I’ll break your fucking nose.”

He's not going to destroy himself for her. She’s never letting anything happen to him ever again.

[j2zara]

Working on a little something for the Jaces. I realized I’ve never drawn them in a way that feels true to text (?)

[zukkacore]

I worked on this instead of my wips. Anyway. Jaceclones be upon ye!

Closeups bc tumblr decimates quality unless you click it

[zukkacore]

Fantasy high in which everything is the same except Jace Stardiamond is a beautiful soft butch dyke

[zukkacore]

Impulse to draw vs impulse to write are in a tug of war rn

[j2zara]

I have. So many wips I need to finish but also. What if I started a new LJ3 wip instead

[j2zara]

for a prompt... what about unexplored configuration of j2 and j4 playing nice? maybe j4 helps with something j2's researching? 👀

OK so!!! I wrote something, realized the tone went in the complete opposite direction of the prompt, so I essentially wrote a prequel to it instead. I'll give you both as a reblog. Sorry preemptively for the LJ3 agenda even on a j2 + j4 prompt. Like it's my fault.

“I like the name Cassandra.”

J2’s voice is quiet, but it’s unmistakable, the only sound that’s come from either of them after hours of research.

J4 pauses. “Me, too,” she finally admits. She raises her eyebrows at him. “Are you trying to… pitch something to me?”

“No!” says J2, his face scrunching up in a way that is positively adorable. “I just know that finding something that suits you is important to you. I—” He’s wringing his hands, sheepish. “I just thought I’d—”

“I want to choose my name,” says J4, giving him a pointed look.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bluejay scowls into his drink as he holds his mug close, warming his hands. The sleeves of his cardigan are caught on his thumbs.

A beat. She thinks about the joy radiating off J2 in waves when she first got wind of his new nickname. Bluejay. He was practically glowing. 

J4 averts her gaze. “Nothing.”

“Well,” says J2 after a minute. “It’ll come to you. Maybe in a way you won’t expect, but—keep an open mind, yeah? And—And when it comes to you, it’ll just feel right. And then…”

His eyes are far away, lost to his thoughts. Gods, he’s a sucker. Whatever treasured memories he has with The Big Guy, J4 doesn’t want to know.

“And then, what?” asks J4.

J2 shrugs, coming back to the present. “And then you’ll know.”

J2’s smile is so kind, so well-meaning, and she loves him, she really does. But based on his wistful expression, she knows what he’s thinking about. She can practically hear the sermon coming on. J4 feels sick to her stomach.

“I have a name,” says J4, more forceful, more crabby than she had wanted. Where is J3’s tact when she needs it?

“You do?”

“I—I’ve been workshopping it,” says J4, and she can feel her face grow hot.

She’s only told one other living soul about it, and it wasn’t J2. She thinks about the smile, the joy, all on her behalf at the news—the way the name, her name, had sounded in his mouth. The way he’d made it his own, and she hadn’t even cared because just hearing it had warmed her all the way down to her toes. Their best kept secret.

I love it. That’s great, El.

You don’t think it's too—

No. It suits you. It’s…

What?

It’s perfect.

J4 ducks her head, certain J2 can see the blush creeping on her cheeks even in the dim light of the desk lamp. “It’s… It’s not ready yet. Besides,” she adds. “I can’t take the name of a goddess. Too much… expectation. I already have to deal with your gods determining my life, I don’t want to throw another in the mix.” She knows she’s being too hard on him. J4 manages a small smile. “But I appreciate you trying.”

J2 is quiet.

“Maybe that’s how we get The Name,” he finally mutters before taking a sip from his mug. She can see his gaze is fixed, staring intently at a pinboard of leads and research he’s haphazardly thrown together. “If there’s a cleric that could recall it through some sort of Divine Intervention, like—”

“What are you talking about?”

“Like that girl!” says J2. “That girl that Kipperlilly is obsessed with. The one that is running for president. She's a cleric of Cassandra. This all happened over spring break. How do you not know this? She talks about it all the time.”

J4 doesn't remember the last time she was asked to watch the Rat Grinders. It’s J3’s turn to babysit the Rat Grinders this week. Actually, it’s been his turn to babysit the Rat Grinders a lot lately. She hardly gets to see him anymore. Last time he saw her, he’d lit up with excitement, despite the ragged exhaustion permeating his frame. 

“El, thank the gods you’re here. You need to give me a step by step recall on how the hell you get Ruben to shut up about his girlfriend. Teenagers are so funny, they’ll try to hump anything that moves and convince themselves that anyone with the same shit taste in music as them is their goddamn soulmate. Boys especially. They love you today. Tomorrow? Who knows. Oh, and you’ll never guess what Porter said to me today in the woods. Just, don’t tell J2, ok? If he knew The Boss’s Soulmate had tried a line with me, it would break his poor little sappy heart—”

“J4?” asks J2. He clicks his tongue with impatience. “Are you listening to me? I said—”

“I—I don’t know.” says J4 finally—unwilling to admit the way she's holding the sound of her name in his mouth close to her chest. “Guess I haven’t been paying attention.”

And here's the original thing I wrote (It has some petulant J2. And I love when he gets to be a little bitch but also he's being put in the torment nexus so sorry):

“I’ve looked everywhere,” says J2, and at the sound of his huff of frustration, J4 looks up to see J2’s mouth pulled into a deep frown, his brow furrowed. “I’ve scoured every text and scroll and fucking… scrap of paper he’s thrown our way. Become a better translator at ancient Giant than the damn Boss, and—”

“Hey,” says J4.

“There’s nothing! Nothing!” He throws the tome he’d been pouring over onto the table, and it makes a loud thud. “I told him—I begged him to just try Fallinel, but no. There has to be something there, and—and this is more important than his stupid daddy issues!” The hand holding a mug is shaking, and J4 keeps a careful eye on it. She knows he gets smashy when he’s upset—which isn’t often, and normally J4 would receive carefully poised J2’s tantrums with glee, especially when the ire is directed toward his beloved pantheon. But the panic in his voice gives her pause. “If—If we don’t get this, Porter is going to want to take another trip to the Mountains of Chaos, and—”

His face scrunches up, and J4 can see the tears coming from a mile away.

“Hey,” she says again, trying to muster up a more commanding tone so that she can override the panic that’s starting to set in. She hates when Bluejay cries. Out of pity, yes, but also because it makes her feel so helpless. “Blue. Over here.”

Too late. Bluejay is already blubbering, a practical downpour on his red, blotchy face, and J4 can’t help but ache. No matter how much she hates Porter, hates the Plan, hates every minute of research she has to perform to help him achieve his goals. But she's worried if he keeps this up, he's gonna surge so bad that the house will flood.

“And I j-just know if I try to bring up going with Him, I’m just going to get—get shut down ag-gain. I just got him to—to—to agree to let me go with him into-to—into the woods, I can’t also—And J3’s gonna frost me out all week over it when he hears the news because he has to go while I’m stuck here, with you, but it’s not like I asked for this.”

Fuck. She didn’t even think of that. J4’s too preoccupied at the thought of J3 going on a trip into the mountains to even register the derision with which J2 spits out the phrase with you.

Still. She can't imagine how J2 feels. To love someone so profoundly that it plagues you with worry. To want to be by their side just to keep them safe, even at personal risk. If she had a love that strong, maybe she, too, would be sobbing wreck.

J2 is right. J3’s usually so amenable, but she just knows he’s not going to take the news well. She can’t blame him. She’d be pissed too if she was reduced to a living shield for Jace’s Precious Gift. She's already plenty pissed on his behalf. She has no loyalty to Porter’s Plan—she’d love nothing more than for Him to fail to retrieve the name of this supposed Unnamed Goddess so that the ritual can fall to pieces, but J4 is also hyper-aware of her own tenuous claim to life. The clones are only here for as long as they're useful, and if they can’t get that name—

J4 has no love for Porter, not like Bluejay. But she has to do something. Think. What would J3 do?

“You should take a break.”

J2 blinks, his eyes still shiny and wet, but thankfully, it gets him to stop crying. “What?”

“Take a break. You’ll feel better if you come back to it later.” She reaches a hand out cautiously to rest it atop his in what she hopes is a gesture of comfort. As angry as J3 would be about the news, she also knows he’s a sap that can’t help giving people what they need. She's never known anyone could be so greedy—yet so unbelievably generous. It's his best quality. And his greatest flaw.

(Where the fuck is he right now? He should be here, helping them. Porter is still trying to ease his Precious Gift into the responsibilities within the Far Haven Woods, which means that most days, it still falls to J3. And it's dark out, and he's not back yet, and they could still be out there.)

(Or worse. She’s seen the looks Porter has given him when he thinks J2 isn’t looking. The looks J3 has given him back in return. Which isn’t worse than literal danger, she has to remind herself. She hates herself, for that—for thinking that this is worse, even if it was just for a moment.)

“The name isn’t the only thing that matters,” says J4 after a moment. She reaches over to stroke his hair, an unnatural gesture coming from her, but she aches to do something for him. “We can do something else. I—you know how I feel about all this. But I—I don’t like seeing you like this. The way you work, you’re killing yourself over it. It’s not—” She bites back the urge to say, He’s not worth it. “I promise you, Blue. Nothing is worth that—”

J2 opens his mouth, and she can see his expression contort to one of disgust and resolution before she hears the words come out of his mouth: “Fuck you.”

J4 bristles. “Excuse me?”

“Fuck you, El. The name is everything. You of all people should know that.”

A flash of rage, blood roaring in her ears, and before J4 knows it, before she can stop herself, she finds her dagger drawn and sitting pretty at J2’s throat. She snarls at him, pressing the blade ever so slightly into his flesh. “You don’t get to call me that. It doesn’t belong to you.”

“I—I’m sorry,” says J2, his eyes wide. J4 hates the terror embedded in them, hates her contorted expression reflected back at her. “I’m sorry, ok? I didn’t know. No, I—I mean. I didn’t mean it.”

A beat.

Her arm lowers. J4 averts her gaze. “You should go.”

“What?”

“You should turn in. It’s late anyway. I’ll take over from here.”

“But—”

“Go! Before I change my mind. If Jace gives you crap about it, just point him my way.”

J2 nods slowly, getting up from his chair cautiously, not taking his eyes off her. But J4 keeps her word. She lets him go. He pauses in the doorway, turns to look at her. “Thank you.” He squeaks it out hurriedly before scurrying off.

J4 sighs, looking at the surrounding mess. The piles and piles of texts. J2’s stupid conspiracy board. She tries not to think about how fucked she is—how fucked they all are. How she’s committing herself to doing the work of three people.

A name catches J4’s attention on the pinboard. Cassandra. She notices a hastily scribbled note beside it in J2’s tiny handwriting. She leans in to read it. It just says:

4. Gods—can grant True Life? Must investigate further.

She bites back the urge to cry. Instead, J4 grabs J2’s notebook off the desk, resolved to get to work.

Well. Bluejay is right about one thing. The Name is everything.

[zukkacore]

Maybe I should’ve held onto this scene but J2 referring to them as “boyfriends” being the tell is so….

[j2zara]

J4 girlfail moment that I’m definitely cutting but I really tried to make work <3

[j2zara]

Hi Janelle! For the fic writer ask, I'd love to hear 18 or 19!

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

Ok. I'm cheating b/c this is way more than a paragraph. This is an uncut scene from the potentially unfinished that night something turned in my heart (while you were sleeping, i fell in love). It's quite messy but i thought it was kinda fun so:

“Hey—! Give that here!”

Blue tries to snatch back the six-pack that J3’s swiped from Boss’s fridge, but J3 is quick, backing away and holding them far out of reach.

“Those aren’t yours!” says Blue.

“Seriously, Blue?”

“I mean it! Put it back, alright? Jace will kill us if—”

“Lighten up, will you? Ellie steals from Jaceprime all the time—don’t you, El?”

Ellie nods, but she’s too distracted to properly answer—or intervene. She’s been working through a restricted-section grimoire for handy spells, but she’s seen enough of their fights to still keep tabs on them from the couch, and seeing J3 lord over Blue, she clicks her tongue, shaking her head before returning to scribbling in her notebook.

Still. She’s not so disapproving as to turn down the beer can J3’s tossed in her direction. 

“Blue, c’mon. We can replace it. He’ll never know the difference.”

A beat. Recognizing an opportunity, a moment of doubt, of weakness, J3 goes in for the kill.

“I mean. Come monday, Boss’ll be saint to the god of war, I think he’ll be a little too preoccupied to care about the contents of his fridge.”

Blue eyes him warily, hesitates before saying, “Alright.” He holds out a hand. “Well?“

A beat. 

More forcefully this time. “Well?” he says again. “Share. Don’t hog it all for yourself, then.”

J3’s eyebrows raise, but he’s silent as he slowly hands a beer can over to Blue. Blue pops the tab and takes a drink before burping quietly, covering his mouth. “Oh! ‘Scuse me.”

J3 rolls his eyes. “El, can you believe this? He even burps adorably.” 

In response, Ellie shotguns the entire thing in one go and lets out a loud, drawn own burp of her own. 

Blue grimaces. “That’s so ladylike.”

She glares at him.

Blue mutters over his drink—“Excuse me for not jumping to get down in the muck with—”

“Yeah, yeah,” says J3 as he pops the tab on his own beer. “We’re a couple of heathens, I get it. Enough with the sermon, Blue, I swear I could—”

His head bobs as he pretends to snore.

“Very funny.”

J3 opens one eye. “Whatever happened to the whole ‘the meek shall inherit’ or however the Solesian saying goes—“

“‘Meek’? You?”

A beat.

“You sure you wanna take another sip of that beer? It’s a slippery slope for the fallen, Blue. Next thing you know you’ll be… having sex!” J3 mock-gasps. “Out of wedlock! The horror!”

“Ha ha, sorry, I thought that was your department.”

J3’s eyebrows raise—like he’s surprised by the retort. “Damn straight, it’s my department.” He grins, takes a swig.

A beat. Finally, Blue says, “And I—” His face scrunches up, turning bright red as he shouts—”I have sex! Damn it!” A tall, orange flame spurts from the open can in Blue’s hand, causing J3 to step back and yelp in surprise. A wild magic surge. Blue ignores it. “You—You know I—“

“Nice to see you guys getting along!” says Ellie pointedly, quick to interject—and cast Prestidigitation, snuffing out the fire. “I’m just—so glad we decided to take the night off.”

“Y’know,” says J3, turning away from Blue, sidling beside her on the couch. Leaning in close. “Taking the night off means taking the night off, El.” He places a hand on her wrist, trying to peer over her shoulder at her journal. Ellie snaps it shut, wrenching her hand away.

“Fuck off.”

He blinks. “Huh.” Ducks his head. “Guess I deserve that…”

Before Ellie can respond, Blue pipes up. “At least she’s working.”

“How does boot taste?” he snaps back. “I hear Boss’s are designer.”

Ellie tries to ignore the guilt heavy in her stomach. There may have been a time where she considered letting J3 in on her plan, but those days are gone. Still, J3 isn’t stupid. He knows she’s up to something—knows what she’s hiding from Blue. 

“For fuck’s sake!” says Ellie. “Can—Can you guys just—drop it already?”

A beat.

“Please?”

She can see J3’s throat bob.

“Alright. I’m sorry, El.” He glares at Blue. “I’m sorry for wanting to enjoy what’s left of my time on this plane .” His crystal chirps. J3 pulls it out of his back pocket. “Speaking of—”

Blue frowns. “You say that like—”

“I know what it sounds like.”

Silence.

“Look, the election is next fucking week. This isn’t just some second rate archfey. We’re waking a devil. The goddamn goddess of war. You think she’s just gonna take this lying down?”

Blue doesn’t answer.

“And it’s—” J3 laughs a wry, hoarse laugh. “it’s like you said, El, we don’t even—”

Don’t.

It’s enough. All it takes is a Message, a single word, and her voice in his head gets him to shut his mouth.

J3’s eyes flits toward Ellie—they hold gaze for what feels like an eternity.

(She doesn’t have to explain, he knows what she means. They both remember the conversation. It wasn’t easy to forget. How they’d argued for days about what to do when the Ascension came. How Ellie wanted to fight, and J3 had proposed a plan—pled with her to use her Ring of Disguise Self to run away, while he took her place.

How she’d threatened to break his nose if he tried.

He doesn’t get to do that. Ignore her for weeks, then come crawling back now that the God of War and his beloved Saint Stardiamond are reunited, intertwined once more.

It’s not fair.)

“All I’m saying—” says J3, and Ellie notices that for once, she can detect the concerted effort it's taking for him to keep his voice even, “—is that… a lot could go wrong. And—And if they have to throw someone in the line of fire, who do you think it’s gonna be? Porter’s Saint Stardiamond, or His Precious Little Gift? My number’s been up for a long time, we all know it.”

“J3.” Ellie wants to stay mad at him, but she can’t.

“What? It’s true. We all know it. I’m not the best caster or favorite like you, Blue, and I’m not the best researcher, like El. All I have is this—” J3 points to his own face. “And these.” He dangles the remaining cans in the six-pack. His crystal chirps once more.  J3 glances down. “‘Strongtower Luxury Apartments’?” She can see the jaw in his muscle flex as he hesitates, see the cogs turning as he mulls it over. “Sure, I can swing that.” J3 grins at the pair of them. “So to hell with both of you.” And with a flash of light, a loud crack, and the smell of ozone left in his wake, J3 vanishes.

Also I wanna do my due dilligence lest i get James Somertoned but the framework & some of the dialogue is shamelessly pilfered from this scene I also have a cut scene where I actually show the J3 and Ellie argument and i quite like that one too even if it is melodramatic. I'll probably post it sometime when i'm less bonked on the head by hammers....

19. the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

Omg whenever this question comes up i feel so self conscious because i HATE doing research and i hate admitting that i don't like doing research…. But I did end up in this whole rabbithole about tolkien elvish and just conlangs in general… For… No reason…. I say as i stared at my wieldy unfinished xianxia wip….

[zukkacore]

I liked a scene but I don’t think it has an actual place in the WIP…. I’ll think on it. Anyway the Jace is schrodinger’s good/bad teacher thesis forever

[j2zara]

Some LJ3 sketches b/c that’s really all I’ve been up to lately

[j2zara]

how about next for the writing meme? (if you're still doing it)

Yeah!!!! Sure why not i was planning on turning in but tbh im a liar who lies i wanna see how much i can get done of this before i crash. Again this is J3j4 i did skip around a bit while writing so sorry if some of these are a bit out of order

“I’m sorry!” he says, still laughing, clutching his sides. “I shouldn’t—shouldn’t b-be—You know what? Punish m-me! I—I deserve it.” It’s not till this moment that J4 braves approaching J3. Resting a hand delicately on his knee as she smiles down at him. He’s still laughing, but she doesn’t miss the small excited exhale at the touch of her hand to his skin, the way his face flushes. She feels it too, the jolt of electricity at their touch, their reunion. A single thought from him: You’re here. She looks so beautiful from his perspective—so benevolent, she doesn't even recognize herself. It doesn't feel fair. He says it again. His voice shaky. “Punish me.” A beat. “And why would I do that?” she asks, feigning naivety. “When you’re being so good for me.” She casts Prestidigitation, and the Mage Hand goes slick with oil. She raises her eyebrows, waiting. His eyes go wide.

[j2zara]

🖊🌝🧠💭and 💋for tell me more about j3's pov in stay/leave bc I remember you rewriting some snippets of it from his pov for another ask meme and it was so fun!

OOPS this ended up kinda long my bad! Sorry this took a while i was just kinda worn out yesterday ty for ur patience

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

I’m feeling generous so i let this go on way too long. I’m probably revealing too much but what the hell

J3 grins at Porter, ignoring her completely. It makes her feel strange and small. “‘Boyfriend’? Porter, what are you talking about?” “Just a joke, darling. Having fun?” “Loads. So are you, I can see.” J3’s eyebrows are raised, a hand on his hip. His eyes flit back and forth between the two of them. J4 tries to parse his expression, look for any sign of—what? Anger? Jealousy? Satisfaction? He remains impassable. J4’s heart is pounding, ready to leap into her throat. J3 takes J4 by the hand, intertwining their fingers as he pulls her toward him, and away from Porter—and she ignores the brief jolt of distress at that, of being away from Porter. “Come dance with me.”  “In these heels?” asks J4, watching her own feet so she doesn’t stumble. But she doesn’t protest, she follows until she’s in his arms, practically nose to nose with him. Up close, she can see his pupils are blown out. He’s going to be a pain later, and the next day, she just knows it, she can’t even bring herself to resent it. Right now, she doesn’t have it in her to be anything but happy—his touch like the relief of sunlight at dawn.  It may be the substances, but at least they’re talking. “You’re doing great!” he whispers, just as he steadies her, hand resting at her waist. The strange moment of kindness puts a lump in her throat. She doesn’t deserve this. “Whup! Hate to pull her away from you, Porter, but she’s so much fun. Don’t you agree?” J3 is nuzzled against her neck, and the gesture is so familiar, so comforting, they’re their old selves again—until he peaks just enough to flash a teasing smile over at Porter. “We talking about the same J4?” says Porter. J3 ignores him. He touches her face, their eyes meet, and J4 gets a Message from him. Kiss me. Her breath catches. You sure? He’ll like it. A sinking feeling in her stomach. Oh. It takes everything in her to remain impassive in front of Porter. And that’s a good thing? Trust me. (She’s getting what she wants, right? Surely—that’s what everyone wants when they run. To be chased?) A slow flutter of J3’s lashes, mouth parting. A J3 signature, used at the end of their movie nights, when the lights are dim and the credits are rolling.  Used it to get a kiss and a hit of gorgunfern from a burly dwarf who J3 said worked at the steel factory, too. She knows what he wants—even if she’s one of many. J4 cradles his face in her hands—hesitates. Watches him exhale and lean forward as her thumb brushes his cheek. Despite her wariness, her shyness, at being a spectacle for Him—she does as he says and pulls him in for a kiss. His soft fluttering gasp against her mouth is enchanting. J4 aches to disappear into this moment, will it to be nothing but quiet and peace and perfection—but she knows what this is to Porter. It’s him getting Jace, every part of Jace, all to himself, just as he’s always wanted. The unfairness of that hits her even while she’s sucking face. Even as she’s hyper aware of her God’s omnipresent gaze, she’s desperate to imbue this with as much meaning as possible—maybe if she’s eager enough, if she wants it enough, if she puts on a good enough show, then J3 will know, somehow understand, that this moment—that she—exists only for him. For a moment, she does exist only for him. J3 smiles as they part. “Like what you see?” he asks—a reminder that they’re not alone. “Can’t complain.” J4 doesn’t take her eyes off him. How can you stand this? she Messages. You know me. I’m shameless. Again, he’s unreadable. She forgets sometimes, how much J3 likes being Jace for Him. The thought makes her angry—how Porter doesn’t even see him, just his beloved Saint Stardiamond.

anyway I'm saying too much but oh well!

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

I already answered this one earlier (in that I said it would be fun to write DurDawn or Mailee of ATLA fame. And yes, it is also ironic as zukkacore i have not written zvkka.) But thinking more on it…. My only real brush with Porter POV was the tiny tiny snippet in IYWD and tbh i think Porter POV is so fun b/c he’s so fucked. I also think writing anything in like a Bad Kids Pov would be fun but i have no idea what it would be for. Oh! Also maybe writing Jawbone????? I’d love to feature jawbone in something i write sometime. Whether its starbreaker related or clone related or whatever or something else.I think so many of you guys are so good at capturing his voice like he’s always so funny and warm and distinct and i laugh so much when you guys get an anecdote of his that just feels so RIGHT and i don’t have that. 

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

Someone else asked me this and i did spout off abt Jace Hireling AU and Clone Game Changer AU but. Beyond that… I think writing anything involving Jawbone would be fun im not sure what. Maybe that J2 gets knotted fic of my heart LMAO he deserves it. On a similar note! I’m a sucker for werewolf J4 and vampire J3 and i think writing something with one or both would be so goddamn fun but i have no idea what the specifics would look like.

I also think it would be fun to write something for Jace + the Jaces au aka bandverse. Not sure what tho

This is SUPER new as in only hours old in conception but i did state in another one of these ask things. my headcanon that is super self indulgent that the clones do Make It after ragenarok b/c don’t they deserve that? Like. I know i write so much clone tragedy and that’s kinda the point is that they’re all doomed but in my heart they get to make it out of the torment nexus. Anyway. My super indulgent headcanon is that the clones get granted True Life by Ankarna but its in the form of like. Reincarnation. (I also think a way to swing the reincarnation angle is to have it to do with like. Aguefort’s whole thing with Chronomancy and Phoenixes since Ayda is half phoenix and does reincarnate). So J4 gets her wish to not be Of Jace but the clones are separated and have to find their way back to each other. It’s very “anybody got a match” “and so we sing it again and again and again” coded to me. Anyway. I’m not typically that into reincarnation stuff (It just depends i think it can just be a contrived way to get characters to care abt each other but when its done right recognition through multiple lifetimes is so so so so so good) but like. A part of me wants to make it work but ugh.

💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

Again I got asked this and I was like. I’m literally such an open book i blab so much abt my own stories and the headcanons that go with them i never ever ever ever shut up abt it. So finding something to talk about it so funny

Ok. So. I feel like i’ve kinda talked abt this but. I do think if Jace hadn’t gotten back with Porter, J2Porter… might’ve been able to work out?? For as long as that would even sustain itself considering we know ragenarok and also J2 is a clone and stuff. I know that’s crazy and. That’s very indulgent of me to say maybe due to my soft spot and like i haven’t even accounted for whether J3 would still be homewrecking in this scenario. Like it sounds crazy for me to say that b/c Porter looks past J2 constantly but also…. That was already happening with Jace. I’m not saying it would’ve been perfect but i do think it only would’ve been like. Marginally worse than Jaceporter already was. I don’t even think it would be marginally worse it might’ve honestly been the same level of screwed.

OH. I’ll talk about something else, too. This is so silly but I think in terms of weird differences in the clones. I’ve joked bc j2 having a tighter curl pattern than Jace. I actually think J4 has a looser curl pattern than jace, her hair is the closest to straight. I also think J4 is the only Jace that likes a middle part for her hair.

Um. Last thing I guess? I think J4 is the only clone that sincerely picked up the smoking habit for a substantial period of time, and she quit but she does cave when she’s stressed. People are free to do as they please with the clones but to me Bluejay does not smoke (I do love esme’s whole joke tho that J2 watching J4 quit cold turkey was so stressful that he starts tho i think thats pretty funny). Like. Idk bluejay is cringe i think he’s like the kind of person who is like “my body is a temple and a gift from god so i can’t destroy it!” even if Jace smokes and he is Very Very Curious. (I think gorgunfern would fix him but. He doesn’t know that). And J3 is like. A social smoker in the same way ppl are social drinkers, and maybe a stress smoker? He’s tried everything once out of curiosity obviously, he’s j3, and he prefers sex to get some sort of hit or like release when he’s stressed but like. Sometimes he’ll take this instead.

💋for tell me more about j3's pov in stay/leave bc I remember you rewriting some snippets of it from his pov for another ask meme and it was so fun!

OHHH this is such a fun question thank you!

Tbh those were fun to do!!!! bc like. I was struggling so goddamn much with stay / leave and I wanted to get it done ASAP so bad so I felt kinda bad I was distracting myself with these weird sidebars but like. They ended up being really helpful bc I made some significant edits to J4’s pov to match what I wrote for him. I give myself so many annoying self-imposed limitations for certain characters and I think j3 is the one who is hardest a for me to write bc he’s so so so so so so bad at expressing what he wants and so it only comes out in these weird flighty circular “well I want what you want” etc ways. It’s was such a self imposed barrier for Biggest Lie, and having a J3 voice already made it slightly easier but Biggest Lie is the reason i have these self imposed boundaries anyway lol. The J3 snippets were purely snippets I did for the ask, but like. Scanning the text and trying to reverse engineer something was fun because its like. I was playing with that concept of Homophrosyne, of two people who understand what the other is thinking. So there was a lot of mirroring in J3’s pov. 

To get more broadly into J3 POV and not just those snippets like. I mentioned so so so briefly as a half joke during the writing updates that the reason J3 was being so dramatic was because the story was Post IYWD, which means he’d essentially been ditched for Jace. So J3 is being a little bit of an asshole here, and that question J4 has of whether he misses her or misses someone felt very important b/c of that whole J3 Being Disposed Of thing. I liked it b/c it heightened the stakes. We get j3 at his most desperate to fill a void. J4 at her most angry, an d maybe even most righteous in her anger as well.

I just looked back at what I wrote (j3 pov):

“Alright.” He’s trying to keep his cool, but he can feel his face grow hot. J4 always sees him for who he is. “Well, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he says, a half-truth, because he’s picturing what might happen if he goads her, and he wants. “But… You could always tell me off.”  A smile curls on his lips. He feels the hand yanking at his hair before he can even process that J4 is kneeling beside him. His head is forced back, pressed into the couch cushion, and he hisses at the pain tugging at his scalp. It feels good. J4 leans in, mouth practically against his skin, and he can feel his breath catch as he waits for her to speak. Finally, she murmurs, “You’re being a pest.” Making warmth shoot through his entire body. Oh… He thinks it, but the sound escapes him before he can help himself, a thrill from being at her mercy. “Are you mad at me?” he asks—somewhere between a goad and a plea before devolving completely into a whimper. He’s played this game before, but something about this. This feels real. It frightens him.

Again this idea of. J4 at her most angry because her anger is usually spared for people who deserve it in her eyes, and she’s so soft on J3 in comparison. And J3 being a greedy little gremlin desperate for any kind of experience, any kind of sensation whether positive or negative. There’s mirroring with the scene as exists in text because j4’s getting off on the idea of punishing, he’s getting off on the idea of being punished. Lol. And J4 taking pleasure in her more sadistic impulses when she caves, as opposed to repressed. Being Portercoded. The part where she called him a pest was actually one of the easiest parts to write for me—idk it was so clear in my head.

Actually. My fav addition to j4pov that came from doing those little j3 detours was. The idea of her basically stealing one of his moves? That came from me writing the J3 pov. B/c i loved the idea of him “giving The Move to her” because she does it better, like that concept just seemed so funny and interesting. Like their approaches to charisma casting are so different and J3 is very rehearsed, so i’ve always found the idea of LJ3 like, borrowing from each other and taking each other on a bit to be a compelling idea. “I’ve built a you within me” etc etc.

 Plus, my self imposed guidelines for J3 are not… consistent but I do still try to maintain when possible J3’s role as a Jace Cypher, being more passive when he’s with people. In the original draft, J3 just kissed her, which is fine, but there’s something about the role reversal of J4 intentionally goading in this submissive, flirtatious way that i thought was more interesting.  Especially b/c J4 says its like. A move that works EVERY time. So when she tries it, it works. On him. He breaks his passivity for once and kisses her. And on the other end, for J4, i liked it because she’s trying to prompt him into taking action, which is a big thing for her, wanting him to articulate and take what he wants. And she gets what she wants, but she’s breaking her own principles for herself, now she’s the one playing coy. Something something he is more myself than i am ya know.