#LMFAOOOOOJFLEFHWOFHOAHFAOFHOWG

[baekhyunsbestie]

omfg have you seen that post from a girl who moaned "more" during sex but her boyfriend heard "roar" so he roared like a BEAST with zero hesitation and the girl was like o_o lol that man loves her fr fr but can you pleasssseeee write something based on this with baekhyun pleaseee it makes me laugh so hard every time i think about it asgufdyvbfhiujn thank u and ilyyyy so much mwah

im fucking sobbing omg bc imagine this happening with baekhyun and tell me why it would be the funniest fucking thing ever 😭

“roar.”

that’s what baekhyun thinks he hears.

and here’s the thing—this man? he has no hesitation, no doubts, no critical thinking skills in this moment. just pure, unfiltered, primal instinct.

without a shred of second guessing, he leans in, body pressed against yours, breath hot on your skin. his hands tighten around your thighs, and his voice drops into something dark, something deep, something hungry. you feel the tension in his muscles, the heat rolling off him in waves, the anticipation thick between you.

and then—

he roars.

“ROOOOAAAARRRRRRR!!!”

loud. guttural. from the very depths of his soul.

the bedframe trembles. the walls might have shaken. you swear the air itself vibrates with the force of his voice. somewhere in the distance, a dog starts barking. you wouldn't be surprised if the neighbors are calling animal control right now.

and you? you just—

freeze.

every nerve in your body goes rigid as your brain slams the emergency brakes. your lips part, eyes wide, mind struggling to process the sheer audacity of what just happened.

did this man… did this fully grown man… just.

roar??????

you blink, slow and deliberate, trying to convince yourself that maybe you hallucinated it, that maybe the pleasure was so good it just fried your last functioning brain cell. but no—baekhyun is still there, hovering over you, his bare-ass chest rising and falling with exhilaration, eyes glittering with nothing but triumph.

he looks proud.

like he just unlocked a forbidden sex move.

like he’s waiting for praise.

“…baekhyun.”

his smirk is downright smug. “what is it, baby?”

you keep staring at him. he stares back.

the room is so silent, you swear you can hear the clock ticking in the hallway.

and then—

you lose it.

a wheeze punches out of your chest so violently, you nearly choke. your stomach caves in from the sheer force of your laughter, hands scrambling to grip at anything—his arms, the sheets, the very fabric of reality—to keep yourself grounded. you’re gasping for air, body convulsing as you kick at the blankets like a dying fish, legs flailing uselessly in the air.

baekhyun’s expression shatters. the confidence drains from his face like someone just pulled the plug on his entire existence.

“wait.” his voice cracks. “d-did you not—”

you barely manage to choke out between gasping laughs, “baekhyun. i said ‘more.’”

silence.

absolute horrible, horrible silence.

and then—

baekhyun dies.

not literally. but spiritually? emotionally? he has simply passed away.

all the tension in his body vanishes. his entire frame deflates like a popped balloon, his once-hard posture turning into dead weight. he collapses onto you in slow motion, forehead thunking against your shoulder as a single, whispered plea falls from his lips—

“oh my FUCKING god.”

and then he just… slides.

like a glitching video game character, his body slips off you, rolls over, and falls limp beside you. his arms flop uselessly to the side, his eyes staring at the ceiling, hollow and glassy like he’s just been betrayed by the universe itself.

and then, without a word, he grabs the blanket, yanks it over his head, and disappears.

“baekhyun—”

“no. don't look at me.”

you’re still wheezing, clutching your stomach, your entire existence shaking with laughter. you try to reach for him, but he rolls away, cocooning himself deeper into the blankets.

“baek, come on—”

“no.” his voice is muffled beneath the fabric, thick with shame and regret. “don't talk to me. we’re breaking up.”

you snort. “be so fucking for real right now—”

“it’s over. delete me from your memory.”

by now, tears are streaming down your face. you wipe at them, struggling to breathe as you shift closer, poking at the lump of blanket currently housing your mortified boyfriend.

“baby, seriously—”

“i can't fucking believe i just did that.” his voice cracks again, pure self-loathing dripping from every word. “i— i thought—” he lets out a strangled noise. “oh my god... i just ended my own bloodline."

you press your face into the pillow to stifle another fit of laughter, your entire body trembling with the effort to hold it in.

baekhyun kicks his legs wildly beneath the blankets, like a tantrum throwing child. “’m never having sex again. this is it. i’m officially fucking celibate.”

you roll onto your side, grinning at the pathetic little ball of shame he’s curled into. “it was kinda cute, though.”

the blanket stiffens.

you smirk, eyes twinkling. “you really put your whole lionussy into that, huh?”

the blanket erupts.

baekhyun lunges out of his shame-cocoon just to strangle you with the same blanket he was hiding in.