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blasphemecel · 4 months

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sorry for not coughing up the kaiser hcs right away i live an unhappy life. here they are for your viewijg pleasure, ranging from living together to actual marriage but in no real order. sorry if my grasp of his character sucks. also long af:

- his personality stays consistent but he’s a little softer with you except during big relationship milestones. around then he kind of regresses to his meaner self cuz the weight of it all scares him. if you stick with him during these periods it helps him come to terms with how serious you two are and he softens again

- awful taste in interior design he has one of thise super beige and expensive apartments ripped out of a magazine. you reminding him he doesnt have to put on a persona around you makes things less sterile over time but when he’s having a bad day he’s taken to stress cleaning.

- does do chores and is generally very neat. more stuff in the house and not outside it. has a habit of putting the laundry in the machines but not taking it out so you end up being the one to fold clothes. he lounges on the bed while you do it though? just to tlak but he doesn’t help and he says “hush” if you bring it up

- if you talk to him while hes busy he gives uou his full attention. unnerving. like he’ll stop vacuuming entirely and look at you with eye contact every time. great multitasker otherwise

- pretry private person and not forthcoming with doubts even to you, thiugh he improves with time. very nervous when he proposed* even though he acted like there was no way you’d say no. very involved in planning and thought about this really expensive public wedding but you were like “do you even want this” and he didn’t so the wedding was a small private affair or you eloped. its his favorite day and he looks at the photos frequently

-*if you proposed instead he cries a little and says yes before you finish the question but denies vehemently after the fact. doesn’t matter if there were pics or videos he says it didnt happen

- bathroom hogger. sometimes uses all the hot water. if you complain he says you should just shower together cuz it saves water but you argue it doesn’t matter when his showers are an hour long to begin with

- touchy-feely and handsy (re: above) bit not necessary in an nsfw way. he wont admit it to you bit physically touching calms him and reminds him you’re there and real and sometimes he looks st you a little too long and gets this goofy smile. if you mention it he says he cant believe YOURE so lucky to have him as your husband. asshole

- follows you around the house and likes to be in the same room. not above following you into the bathroom

- when he wakes up is when you wake up because he doesn’t bother to be extra quiet when you’re adleep in the mornings + he often sleeps theough his own alarm so YOU have to wake him anyway

- likes to shower you in lavish gifts bc he takes pride in his ability to earn such things but doesn’t like or care much for lavish gifts in return. grows to really appreciate handmade/more thoughtful things from you and learns a craft to give them to you in return. i think he can draw well. keeps all the things he has from you on a shelf or in a box wnd looks at it from time to time

- embarrassingly brags about you to everyone especially after marriage. you’re his most valuable treasure

- attentive to detail and likes to dress you up down to accessories for events and such. kind of fussy. when he’s pleased he kisses your ring and says something lame like “perfect, darling”

Thnk you ofor returning and sharing. I can see your vision on most of these. Especially the lame ass apartment that is sooo him

#Wondering if it's just me or does anyone else also hate receiving gifts lol #esp expensive ones

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mr-free-spirit · 7 years

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A special for "Bowser Day 2017"

NOTE: this is an update of the same post made the previous day with various typos corrected in my spare time. It was pointed out yesterday in a private message that apparently yesterday’s particular date is known as “Bowser Day”. It was explained to me what Bowser Day is. This is news to me, lol! But I thought of something - since yesterday was apparently Bowser Day, I’ve decided to share something special on here. I was originally going to share this yesterday on the day itself, but I’m afraid I just wasn’t able to due to my busy schedule. So here it is today instead. ;) The following is an actual planned future portion of my “Long-Haired Luigi” comic strip that I haven’t drawn yet. I’m going to give you guys a “sneak peek” by sharing it in story form (it will, of course, be completely illustrated for the comic strip far later down the road). And, of course, it stars Bowser. Thise of you familiar with kitchy, spoofy sixties movies might recognize what this whole bit is aping… but even if you don’t get the joke, I hope all of you observing Bowser Day still enjoy it! ;D (P.S. I don’t have time for my best writing or correcting typos, so please excuse any you find.) - Cackletta, of course, cackled at her remarkably excellent fortune. Here, plotting away in her new hideout as she gloated, she would not only get to take over The Mushroom Kingdom, but this new land called California as well. She entered the automatic door to her main chamber, where some of her assistants were busy overseeing a large metal, tablelike disc with only a single centered leg below to support it off the floor. On top of the huge disc lay Bowser. Lying on his back spread-eagled, his shell removed and stored only heaven knew where, his wrists and ankles bound to the disc’s surface by solid metal bands, and looking pissed as all get out, Bowser was the very picture of outrage. “Leave us!” Cackletta commanded her servants, who all obediently took their leave, leaving the vile witch alone with her captive. Bowser could barely contain himself. “ALLLLL-right, I DEMAND to know, just WHAT is the MEANING of this… this… STUNT???!” he bellowed at her. “WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO ME???” Cackletta approached the side of his disc and explained gleefully, her voice rising more and more with ridiculous overenthusiasm, “Simple! Out of all the villains, YOU are EASILY the most desirable, and *I* have a HUGE ***CRUSH*** ON YOOOOU!!!” as she placed her face cheek to cheek with his, beaming a ridiculous toothy smile. This instantly caused Bowser to wince, his nose wrinkling as he sarcastically remarked while rolling his eyes away from her direction, “Oh GOODY. Lucky me.” Cackletta leaned up, giggling. “Oh, come now, don’t be like that!” she playfully scolded him in what was obviously intended to be in a cutesy fashion. “Why, you should be HONOURED to know that you have been chosen by the future ruler of this present existence!” Glaring at her, Bowser asked as calmly as he could, “And is this what you ALWAYS do to every single guy who catches your eye?” “Yes, of course! I strip them naked, then tie them up!!!” “Classy.” “Yes, isn’t it?” areed Cackletta enthusiastically, completely missing Bowser’s irony. “So FAR much more adventurous than ANYTHING that Princess Peach would do! Plus I outmatch her AND her appearance ANY day!” At that point Bowser couldn’t help himself. He simply started laughing. Cackletta suddenly stopped short. “And just what the heck are you laughing at?” Bowser giggled, “Oh nothing, I was just wondering, have you SEEN yourself in the mirror, lately?” Cackletta crossed her arms. “And just what is THAT supposed to mean?” “Well, you should. You’re a pathetic, weird, ridiculous, insignificant little excuse for a monster, that’s all!” “Are you saying that you actually find that blonde airheaded goody-goofy more attractive than I am?” “Who, Peach?” Bowser's eyes couldn’t helped glazing over at the mere thought of his beloved. “She’s a REAL woman, the cutest chick in town! I mean WOW, is she hot or WHAT?” Cackletta scoffed at the idea. “Hmpf! WELL, for your information, anything SHE can do, *I* can do better!!!” She immediately stormed over to what appeared to be some kind of karaoke machine. Bowser’s eyes widened in alarm, “Oh gods NO, PLEASE don’t tell me you’re gonna—!!!” But it was too late. Cacklette spent the next few minutes torturing Bowser with a screechingly atrocious performance of Madonna’s “Like A Virgin”. This has all got to be a bad dream, Bowser couldn’t help hoping to himself. Nothing exists that could torture a prisoner more than what he was being put through. Nothing! Cackletta then overenthusiastically rushed over to the object of her desire for his personal evaluation. “WELL???" Bowser eyed her. “Trust me. You don’t want my honest opinion.” “Too overwhelmed with desire for words, huh?” She started seductively playing with his hair, an action which annoyed Bowser to no end. “Well of course, that NOW means that it’s time for YOU to sing a song for ME!” Bowser turned green with nausea. “Does it, now.” “But of COURSE!!!” she cooed. “Even *I* know by now what a lovely, golden bass tone you have!” “Thrillsville.” “Come on, let’s have it!” “And if I don’t?" “Well then, in THAT case…” Cackletta cackled evilly, “…I’ll ZAP you and turn you into a PREGNANT FEMALE!” Bowser’s eyes grew wide with terror for the first time. He started to sweat nervously. “If… if I do, will you keep quiet?” “But of COURSE!” Bowser cleared his throat the best he could. Then, trying to ignore the ludicrousness of attempting to sing while held prisoner strapped to a giant metal disc table by a drooling witch, he began singing the best he could under such stressful circumstances in his best seductive tone Dusty Springfield’s “The Look of Love”. It wouldn’t have been quite so bad, actually, if it were not for the fact that Cackletta was insisting on swinging and swaying all over the place to every single note he sang — and at one pointed when he reached the words, “I can hardly wait to hold you, feel my arms around you…”, he nearly gagged and puked when she suddenly flung her arms around his head and shoulders, pressing his cheek to hers with her eyes beaming sideways at him. There MUST be some way out of this mess, Bowser thought to himself. I’ve GOT to get out of here to warn Luigi and the girls! _ Meanwhile, back in the lounge as the suspicious looking suit-clad fellow was sitting at his table… Luigi admired Princess Peach’s remarkably convincing costume; an outlandish ‘60s-esque frock topped with an enormous black chiffon wig. "You’re pretending to be an enemy spy is a stroke of genius, Peach, but… are you sure you’re acting chops are up to the job?” “Don’t worry,” she assured the others. “I was once considered one of the tops in acting plays in my college years. I can’t see this as being any different.” “Sure hope you’re right,” said Daisy. “But just remember; anything go wrong, call the calvary and we come charging in.” “You got it.” And with that, Peach was off on her way out into the heart of the lounge, walking as seductively as she could manage. “If she can only just get him to spill the beans long enough to find out what’s going on here… and who’s got Bowser…” Daisy muttered, her teeth clenching. “I hate to say this, but it makes me mad enough that I almost wish that I had the nerve to go rushing in there, just twist the guy’s arm and get it out of him myself.” “I don’t blame you, Daisy,” Luigi replied softly. “But let’s stay low for now. We don’t want to cause any more commotion we don’t have to if we can help it.” The odd, suspicious-looking fellow suddenly jolted upward with delighted shock at the sight of the costumed Princess Peach approaching him. “Well, well, WELL! And just who do I have the present pleasure of meeting?” he inquired of her. Peach flicked little sides of her wig as she spoke with the purring voice of a foreign seductive temptress. “My name is Casino Royale.” - Meanwhile, back with poor Bowser… “OK! THERE! I sang your song, you happy now?” “Oh yes, most definitely!” Cackletta cooed, “and now I can begin discussing with you my plans for world domination!” “Hey, wait a sec! You said you’d stay quiet if I sang you a song!” “But I DID stay quiet!” she replied gleefully. “Sing another one and I’ll be quiet again!” Bowser groaned, straining not to sound too exasperated. “And while I’m at it,” she added as she strolled over to a small display table, “let me demonstrate to you another example of my brilliance! Peach could NEVER top THIS!” She held high what appeared to be a tiny round pill. Bowser raised an eyebrow. “And just what is that supposed to be?” “ONLY the most brilliant secret weapon anyone has ever concocted! It looks like an aspirin. It tastes like an aspirin. But it isn’t an aspirin.” “It’s your birth control?” Bowser asked hopefully. “Don’t be funny. I’m deathly serious. The moment an unsuspecting dupe swallows this pill, it sets off a chain reaction within their genetic makeup, immediately causing exactly 1,000,000 cells within their body to each become ultrapowerful explosives, transforming the victim into a walking bomb. One by one, each little bomb will explode within their body, and once they are all detonated, the worst sort of explosion will occur, enough to level a mountain!” She smiled triumphantly at the very thought, adding, “It is also spell resistant, potion resistant, cure resistant, antidote resistant to anything and everything, making it absolutely FOOLPROOF!” “WHOA. That’s… pretty devious,” Bowser was forced to admirably admit. It also gave him an idea. “Isn’t it, though? I plan on creating several of them in order to easily do away with all of my enemies in my quest to rule all the lands,” she explained as she walked over behind Bowser’s shoulders, gently placing her long, thorny fingers upon them strokingly. “How would you like to rule by my side?” Bowser did his best to look devious, just like he did in the old days. “Why not?” “What do you mean, 'why not’? You have all of my brilliance and infallible plans right here at your disposal with me. Unless, of course…” she looked with mock concern into his face, “… you simply no longer have the stomach for it.” “Oh, I don’t know,” Bowser lied. He was positive that he sounded convincing; after all, he used to lie quite masterfully all the time way back when. “I think I’m beginning to feel a few… TWITCHES of good old-fashioned EVIL stirring inside of me… you’re simply TOO vile a partner for me to resist and pass up!” “Now you’re talking, Bowser!” Cackletta then strolled over to some sort of large storage closet, opened it, retrieved Bowser’s shell, and carried it over to him. “Here,” she said, resting it leaning against the edge of the disc. “Slip into this.” Bowser’s eyes lit up. “You mean—?” “I do!” she said as she proceeded to start unfastening the koopa king’s bonds. “Oh, WOW, thank you!” he practically yelped in relief, partially due to his being set free, but also to sound convincingly submissive. Once he was able to stand up, he picked up his shell, holding it in front of himself. “Just turn around a second, willya? I’m kinda shy.” “But of course, DAAAH-ling,” she twittered as she turned her back to him. “But hurry! Time is of the utmost essence!" Bowser watched her carefully to be certain she wasn’t looking, then quietly snatched up the pill before putting his shell back on. “Ah! MUCH better!” he breathed in relief. She turned back around, “AAAH, I trust you are now comfortable again! Now we must be off - but first, a TOAST!” She produced a bottle of some strangely evil-looking champagne along with two equally evil-looking champagne glasses with evil-looking sharply crooked stems. Enthusiastically, she filled both, then turned and handed one to Bowser. “Ah, so evil in every way! I always adore an evil dame!” Bowser snarled in pretend swooning as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her, all the while managing to secretly plop the pill into the witch’s glass. When he finally released her, she breathed, “Aaaah, this is going to be SO delightful!” She picked up her own glass, clinked it to his, and they both drank deeply. After swallowing, she announced triumphantly, “To my absolute brilliance!” Bowser smirked at her. “AAAAAND you’re VERY special, absolutely BRILLIANT pill!” Cackletta frowned at him. “What are you talking about?” Bowser mimicked her voice sarcastically with, “'It LOOKS like an aspirin, it TASTES like an aspirin, but it ISN’T an aspirin!!!’” He then pointed at her with each following word while beaming openmouthed at her mockingly, “And YOU! JUST! ***SWALLOWED*** IT, LADY!!!” Cackletta stared disbelievingly at him for a moment. Finally, she managed to force out with faux confidence, “Oh, come ON, how gullible do you think I am, you stupid lunkhead?” before her body suddenly emitted a loud, wet-sounding ***FART***. Startled, she froze with realization for a moment. Then she looked in horror down at her own backside. Bowser was smirking while waving the air away in front of his nose. “Peeeeee-EWWW, BOY, you sure give new meaning to the term 'stink bomb’, don'tcha girl?” He struck an exaggerated pose as he pretended to calculate on his fingers. “Let’s see, why I DO believe that makes EXACTLY 999,999 more little bombs left to go! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to warn the others while you’re busy being the local area’s biggest supplier of natural gas!” He dashed to the nearest doorway, pausing just long enough to shout back, “Enjoy your takeover party with your crew! I’m sure they’ll all find you to be a real BLAST!” Then he was gone. Cackletta could only stand still in sheer horror as the depth of the situation sank in. Then she frantically stumbled towards her laboratory wailing, “ALKA-SELTZER!!! PEPTO BISMOL!!! ANY-THIIIIING!!!” - A few minutes later, Cackletta was frantically tossing anything she could get her hands on into a giant cauldron. “Antidote!!! Antidote!!! There MUST be an antidote!!!” ***FART*** She looked horrified. “Only 999, 964 left to GO!!!!!” She stirred and stirred wildly until the large spoon she was using melted. “AUUUUUGHHHHH!!!! MY BRILLIANTLY PERFECT PILL IS SO BRILLIANTLY PERFECT THAT EVEN ***I*** CAN’T COME UP WITH AN ANTIDOTE!!!! AUUUUUUUUGHHHHHH!!!!!" ***FART*** "AUUUGHHH!!! 999,963!!!!!!!” - A while later in a large room where the guards were busy fighting off the local authorities, everyone was suddenly distracted by the surprising sight of Cackletta frantically running through the room from one side in sheer hysterical panic before running out the opposite side. As she did so, they all heard the following: ***FART*** "87,000!!!” ***FART*** “86,999!!!” ***FART*** “86,998!!!” After she had passed through, one guard finally couldn’t help wondering aloud, “What the heck was THAT?!!” “I don’t know,” answered a policeman present, “but whatever it was, it sure STANK high heavens!”  #cartoon #videogame #videogames #surreal #surrealism #surrealist #psychedelic #psychedelicrock #trippy #hippy #hippie #hippies #hippielife #hippielove #hippiestyle #nintendo #mariobros #mario #luigi #yearofluigi #yearofluigi4ever #yearofluigineverends #love #peace #beauty #bowser #sanfrancisco #bayarea #koopaweek #bowserday #janesbond #casinoroyale #spy #dustyspringfield #sixties #austinpowers

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