#Life has been really stressful lately but Pokemon helps me cope

[pichiicake]

[cuttlefishen]

Back in 2016, I was a hot mess. I was depressed. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I was uninspired to finish school, and in fact I failed basically all of my classes for a few semesters. Mentally? It was the worst year of my entire life...

And in the midst of that, I got really into a lot of different fandoms - probably as a coping mechanism. The Adventure Zone, Wolf 359, Flight Rising, Critical Role - I watched so. much. Critical Role... I literally skipped class just to watch Critical Role.

And then I took a break.

I quit school. I moved in with friends. I worked and tried to be a real adult, mostly self-sufficient for the first time ever... And I still tried to keep up with all these fandoms, plus adding more. Eventually I got to the point where the first campaign of Critical Role ended and I tried to keep up with the new campaign, but then I started working a second shift job every Thursday - so watching live wasn't an option any more.

I got behind, and literally have never caught up, and for the longest time this has really bothered me. I felt like I was failing myself by not being able to keep up with it, and worse I felt like I couldn't interact with the fandom at all anymore for fear of spoilers - which I wound up seeing anyway...

With the start of campaign 3, I was stoked to be able to try watching live again... but I really just don't have the emotional, physical, or attention energy to watch hours of dnd content anymore. And even though it's only been a few months, I'm already way behind and getting super stressed about catching back up.

Because I love Critical Role, so I have to watch it. Right?

And like this is just one example of a bigger problem I've increasingly found myself in. I grew up loving Pokemon, but as I've gotten older I've just rarely gotten my money's worth in the games, so I'm trying to be smart and not buy the newer games - but then I feel guilty and stressed and sad about not playing them.

I used to get so stressed about not keeping up with my Animal Crossing town that I would just stop playing for years, and then feel so guilty when I wanted to try playing again that I would just restart the game, destroy all the things I had created, and then feel guilty about that on top of the guilt of not playing every single day once my interest inevitably waned again.

I want to crochet, and play Animal Crossing, and watch Star Trek, and revamp my wardrobe, and make cosplay videos, and build new cosplays, and play PC games, and design dnd campaigns, and clean my house, and finally earn my degree-

...

So I've been thinking more and more about prioritizing lately. I've been struggling with school and struggling with home upkeep and struggling with mental upkeep, and honestly? I just really don't have the time or energy to dedicate to all the things I'm interested in.

And... that's okay.

I need to prioritize, but that doesn't have to be the big scary adulting only endeavor that my brain likes to tell me it is. I can decide that Critical Role is a fandom of my past, and I can watch clips and look at fan content without worrying about catching up - because realistically I never will. I can decide that Pokemon is a nostalgia that I love and appreciate, but don't have to actively participate in. I can decide that Animal Crossing is something I just play in spurts every once in awhile, and my islanders aren't going to hate me when I reappear months later.

My whole identity doesn't have to be wrapped up in all the dozens of fandoms I attach to myself like an over-enthusiastic decorator crab. I'm not failing anyone by letting some things go. I can let some things just be part of my past.

I can allow myself to be okay with giving things up.

And idk I just thought that realization might help some other people here too.

[puropoly]

honest 2am post i guess

(edit: context that i forgot to add: i’ve been in quarantine since march, haven’t met with my partner since then, as well as several friends, and except for 30 min of daily walking my dog to the park, i’ve been living my life exclusively inside my house)

things haven’t been great. But they haven’t been that bad either! this year is difficult for everyone and I’m counting my blessings which are not scarce. My family is healthy and we’re financially stable.

I’ve been struggling (again, as everyone else) with my mental health and regulating my emotions, working as a therapist has unexpectedly helped a lot in the process since the obligation to put my focus on someone else and actively trying to help them resolve their issues plays a huge part in healing myself as well. It’s kind of a mutual process, and it’s very interesting

I’ve been spending a LOT of time in the kitchen as well. I never expected to connect with COOKING of all activities, I’m pretty much squidward in the episode where he burns some fish’s soda, BUT i have to admit I’ve been learning a lot of cool, cheap vegan recipes that are healthy and in general I’m just glad to have learned an useful life skill for when I live alone / with my partner, if it ever happens in the future

Haven’t drawn anything in ages, only commissions and that was...during June, for the most part. I don’t have any interest in drawing right now to be honest, but I hope for the energy to come back, as it usually does

My baby niece is super cute and a big chungus, love her

If there’s something I can give 2020 credit for is that it drove my focus away from superficial day to day stress and place it in reflecting about my routine, and what part of it I’m actually dedicating to the things that are important to me. Y’know, is watching this 40 min video about someone talking about internet drama nurturing myself in any way? is watching youtube videos about facts of the pokemon franchise that i already know helping me cope? should I just log off youtube???????????? (yes)

So I’ve been trying to accomodate my routine in separating and organizing activities according to a) the energy i have for them and b) the value they have for my life. Which consists mostly of spiritual time (praying and metitation have been VITAL), family time, cooking time, working time, and pestering the death note tag with butt jokes occassionally time

And I’ve been doing well- still not happy or energized for art, but ...surviving you know? which is no little thing in 2020

I specifically wanted to give this update in this blog because, again, it is important to me. Some folks who usually DM me I haven’t been interacting with a lot lately, and I’m sorry for that, it’s never my intention to be rude, but i’m going through some rough times and it’s difficult to connect with what others are saying to me in this moment :o( I miss my online presence but it takes a chunk of my energy to be here sometimes - just online communication for me is particularly difficult? I suck at tumblring it’s incredible why are you even FOLLOWING

ESPECIAL sorry to that anon who asked me about the ending of danganronpa V3 ages ago I’M SORRY it is utterly uncomprehensible and a terrible ending and I hate it and it’s not meant to be clear or accessible for anyone AND THAT’S WHY IT SUCKS 

anyway!! that’s all i wanted to say right now. not really a vent post at all, but more like...a heads up of what has been going on in Poly city. And a checking up of how everyone’s doing, which i hope is great

God bless you all and thanks for keeping up with this erratic blog

[dolly--milk]

Prince Lear x OC Ideas/Headcanons

Do I ship Lear with my OC Cupid, yes I do no one can stop me, get ready: 

Fluff and Relationship Stuff:

Since Cupid arrived to Pasio, the two are really happy to be reunited again but there’s this unspoken line of what their relationship is right now; they’re in the thinging phase of ‘more than enough chemistry to be more than friends’ but also not official enough to say they’re dating

Since Lear and Cupid aren’t officially dating, Lear’s a little nervous about showing PSA, but Cupid on the other hand has always been a naturally affectionate person, and doesn’t think twice when she wants to run up to him to hug him or give him a kiss- it’s very entertaining for other trainers to witness

Lear wants to spoil Cupid because that’s the best way he knows how to show his affection, but Cupid lowkey feels a little overwhelmed that she can’t ‘make up’ or break even all the gifts he gives her. She makes it very aware to him that she doesn’t want to seem like she’s using him and Lear tries to take it down a notch on grand gestures

Lear also didn’t want Cupid to stay in a tiny cooped up hotel on Pasio, but didn’t know how to offer Cupid that she could stay at the manor without sending mixed messages. He was so flustered when he tried to bring up the topic and Cupid thought he had a fever

Cupid knew what he was saying and appreciated the offer, plus she wants to see him more often so of course she said yes

Since she stays at the manor that makes it all the more confusing to others, especially Rachel and Sawyer that Lear doesn’t consider they’re dating yet

Since Cupid’s been staying at the manor again, and how she’s able to snuggle with him, Lear’s been able to get better sleep lately.

Cupid finds it funny how Lear’s kind of ‘off grid’ because he hardly uses social media, a lot of the time her snapchat/insta stories include pictures of her snuggling in bed with Lear asleep; Lear is still not aware of this, Rachel finds it hilarious but also really cute

Lear has always been in such a rush to make sure he finishes everything on time and how he has to be constantly working, but when he’s around Cupid it feels like time pauses, spending time with her has allowed him to appreciate life a little more

For their morning routines when they both get ready, Lear loves seeing how the morning sun hits Cupid’s face and especially her freckles; he also loves just seeing what she does for her make up routine everyday

Early in the morning Cupid also gets up really early to do some ballet warm ups before she gets ready; in the past it was a ritual for Lear to meet up with her to watch her practice, and they’re both glad they could do this routine again; he’s always fascinated to watch how Cupid perfectly dances, especially on her pointe shoes

Background Dynamic: 

The closest friend that Lear has had in the past was Cupid, she seemed to be the only one that didn’t mind his uptight routine and perfectionism, mostly because she’s like that too so she understands where he’s coming from. She understands Lear means well and he tried to hold himself up to a high standard and that he doesn’t mean to put people down

Naturally because he’s known Cupid for so long, he has a soft spot for her and she seems to be one of the few people (if not only one) that can properly calm down Lear and reason with him when he’s in a bad mood

They both went to this prestigious private academy together- Lear’s known Cupid for 8 years of their life; but he rarely got to see her because they both had such a busy schedule

Cupid seems to be the only catalyst for him to break his own rigid set of rules, he’d stay out a little later at night to meet up with Cupid at the academy’s garden or wake up really early in the morning just to talk to her during her ballet warm ups

A lot of people wonder why Cupid tolerates Lear, especially since the way they treat their Pokemon so differently. So far as other trainers are aware Lear only values his Pokemon to win, while Cupid connects to her team like family; especially since she’s a Pokemon Coordinator

But Cupid understands that Lear doesn’t strictly use his Pokemon like tools like other trainers she’s met, but again it’s a wall of communication (and emotional well being) that impedes him from connecting better to his team

Current Dynamic: 

Lear and Cupid haven’t seen each other for about three years now, it was Cupid that wanted to keep in touch again after having a falling out with her main friend group. She retreated back to him, feeling like he’s her only genuine friend left

Cupid’s trying to be more open to other trainers she’s met on Pasio, but from being skittish it’s hard to connect to new faces; a lot of trainers find it appalling that she spends more time with Lear than other friendlier faces  

Currently, Cupid seems to be the only one that can call out Lear for being rude to Rachel, Sawyer and his other staff; she understands it comes from him being overly stressed but she’s a big influence for helping him become more introspective

Despite Lear’s lack of a better display of affection, he is aware that Cupid sometimes caves into episodes of anxiety attacks and he knows its a cue when it gets worse when she starts to stutter; if anyone starts to upset Cupid, he’s definitely overprotective of here (sometimes he misreads the situation though and gets angry at people when he didn’t need to be)

Cupid doesn’t know precisely that Lear has OCPD, but she’s aware of how he thinks and how important minor details are to him as well as making sure he does everything right. To help cope with this, she tries to help rationalize his thoughts

Overall, the two really value each other a lot, but there’s still a buffer that they don’t know what happened to each other in that three year gap (and it’s not like they know everything about each other yet like an old married couple)