#LovingOurKids

[pastor-matt]

Growing With Book Review

     Over the first eleven years of my ministry career, I served in a variety of churches as a youth pastor.  During this time I was oftentimes confronted with a variety of issues, however the one that stood out the most to me were parents that were desperate for assistance.  These parents desired for their children to grow, succeed, and most importantly love god, however as they attempted to navigate this journey they often felt as though they were taking two steps backward for every step forward.  As I struggled to understand their challenges I leaned heavily on the experience of wise leaders who were further along in their parenting journey.

     As I have continued in ministry as a lead pastor I am aways looking for worthwhile contributions to assist our members and community with the challenges they face.  Parenting is a difficult journey however a recent book, Growing With by Kara Powell and Steven Argue helps to shed light on how parents can grow with their children through “a mutual journey of intentional growth for both ourselves and our children that trust God to transform us all” (Powell & Argue, 2019, p. 23).  This resource explains three stages that teenagers and college students transition through along with three roles that parents can fulfill in order to assist their students fully.  To fully understand this process we must first comprehend the various phases that student’s transition through as described by Powell & Argue as learners, explorers, and focusers.

     A brief description of each of these phases (for students) is necessary moving forward:

Characteristics of Learners (typically ages 13-18)

Learning how to use their increased capabilities

Learning how to live in their physically changing bodies

Learning how to manage their heightened emotional awareness

Learning how to navigate a broadening circle of relationships embedded with expectations

Learning how to start living out their faith as their own

Characteristics of Explorers (roughly ages 18-23)

Exploring career paths through schooling, internships, travel, military service, new jobs, or gap year projects

Exploring their own interests, gifts, and talents

Exploring what they desire in deeper, more romantic relationships

Exploring new ways to relate to their parents

Exploring what they believe and how those beliefs inform their view of work, relationships, faith, and life

Characteristics of Focusers (typically around ages 23-29)

Focusing on their careers

Focusing on their relationships

Focusing on their beliefs

Focusing on a reset

     Additionally, there is the need to understand the vital role that parents can embark on to grow with their students.

Characteristics of Parents as Teachers: (occurs with students who are in the Learner phase)

Teaching invites and endures practicing

Teaching trains specific skills

Teaching encourages reflection

Teaching introduces choice and agency

Teaching fosters collaboration

Characteristics of Parents as Guides: (occurs with students who are in the Explorer phase)

Guiding requires more empathy and perspective taking

Guiding discerns both novice and intermediate terrain

Guiding values different forms of appreciation

Characteristics of Parents as Resourcers: (occurs with students who are in the Focuser phase)

Resourcing exercises patience

Resourcing offers perspective

Resourcing supports no-matter-what

     Both the student and the parent must understand their unique roles as they navigate these phases together.  Powell and Argue noted that through the embracing of these roles, both parties would be able to grow with one another in faith and through the adulting process.  This resource provided through the wonderful people of Fuller Youth Institute provides insights, success stories, and stories of failure from two seasoned and experienced parents/pastors who desire to provide hope and a case for momentum to increase the partnership between students and parents as they grow with each other.

     If you wold like to learn more about this amazing resource you can preorder the book (releases on March 5th) or visit https://growingwithbook.com/.  Powell and Argue offered a prayer for all parents that desire to grow with their children that will serve as the sending point of this post:

     Jesus, we thank you that in the midst of the ups and downs of parenting, we can place our hope in you.  We are grateful for how you use parenting to prune us and shape us more and more into your image.  Please help us abide in you so that we may bear great fruit in our families and in our world.  Thank you that you love our kids even more than we do.  Thank you that you want the very best for them and for us.  Please help us rest in your powerful grace that continues to transform us all.  Amen.