#MARIO/DK SWEEP

[beemcast]

I love that since Nintendo got rare to work on the donkey kong franchise you got this weirdass corner of the Mario universe that was handled by a bunch of British people dicking around 30 years ago and while, especially after the buyout, they’ve distanced themselves from Conker and all that, they can never truly escape it. DK is one of the big characters, and it’s been partially defined by Rare. As long as elements like that hairdo and his good pal Diddy are still a thing, rare’s influence can’t go away. No matter how much they try sweeping it under the rug, every time cranky appears, I think deep down inside that the original donkey kong, one of the original gaming villains, is reduced to a grumpy old man in modern media. And I love it.

Even if you don’t consider banjo and conker canon, donkey kong still is, which means that somewhere deep in the Mario universe, this thing exists. This pig with nipple piercings lives in the same universe as Yoshi.

I HAD A REVELATION

conker the red squirrel is an anthropomorphic red squirrel made by rareware and is the protagonist of the game conker's bad fur day for the n64, rated t for teen and is the only n64 game rated t for its crudity, having the first scene be conker getting drunk. however, conker was a playable character in diddy kong racing before bad fur day was even thought of. this means that conker is a part of the donkey kong canon, and by proxy the mario canon. and since banjo and kazooie have a cameo in bad fur day, they too are part of the mario canon. the foul-mouthed alcoholic greedy squirrel and mario exist in the same timeline

[greenofrain]

NEW MARIO KART WAVE BABY

I’m so excited for DS Mario Circuit, I think it’s the second best circuit course in the franchise, and the additions (differences in altitude, the forest) make it even cooler to me.

Riverside Park looks like a base game track, it looks so good, and they’ve tweaked some elements of the layout in an interesting way.

Waluigi Stadium also looks great, although I’m disappointment that we got it instead of Wario Colosseum (the best Double Dash track). Still a fun track, but I miss my boy.

DK Summit is cool, not my favorite Wii course, but I’m glad it’s here. I hope the double cut still exists. It’s unlikely, but if the Mushroom Gorge gap is still here, anything’s possible

All of the city tracks are cool, but I think 3 is too much in a wave. Yes all 3 are different aesthetically, but design and variety wise, they’re very similar. This does confirm that there’s at the very least 2 more city tracks in development, if Nintendo keeps the (at least) 2 cities per wave pattern.

And Yoshi’s Island. Oooh baby Yoshi’s Island. Yoshi’s Island is my favorite video game of all time, and I’m so happy it’s getting this tribute here. It looks so good and I love seeing all of the references packed into the track. It’s clear that the team was very passionate about Yoshi and his Island.

All in all, Birdo sweep 2023

[makerof150papermasks]

Hamlet Mariofied Act 1 Scene 5

Boldened names refer to the Mario characters playing the roles. The character role names remain in the context of the play and its dialogue.

Mario = Hamlet

Donkey Kong = Ghost

Luigi = Horatio

Yoshi = Marcellus

Act I, Scene 5

Elsinore. The Castle. Another part of the fortifications.

Enter Donkey Kong and Mario, set to the level start jingle from the Donkey Kong arcade game.

Mario. Whither wilt thou lead me? Speak! I'll go no further.

DK. Mark me.

Hamlet. I will.

 Donkey Kong. My hour is almost come,

When I to sulph'rous and tormenting flames

Must render up myself.

Mario. Alas, poor ghost!

DK. Pity me not, but lend thy serious hearing

 To what I shall unfold.

Mario. Speak. I am bound to hear.

DK. So art thou to revenge, when thou shalt hear.

Mario. What?

DK. I am thy father's spirit,

 Doom'd for a certain term to walk the night,

And for the day confin'd to fast in fires,

Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature

Are burnt and purg'd away. But that I am forbid

To tell the secrets of my prison house,

 I could a tale unfold whose lightest word

Would harrow up thy soul, freeze thy young blood,

Make thy two eyes, like stars, start from their spheres,

Thy knotted and combined locks to part,

And each particular hair to stand on end

 Like quills upon the fretful porcupine.

But this eternal blazon must not be

To ears of flesh and blood. List, list, O, list!

If thou didst ever thy dear father love-

Mario. O God!

 DK. Revenge his foul and most unnatural murther.

Mario. Murther?

DK. Murther most foul, as in the best it is;

But this most foul, strange, and unnatural.

Mario. Haste me to know't, that I, with wings as swift

 As meditation or the thoughts of love,

May sweep to my revenge.

DK. I find thee apt;

And duller shouldst thou be than the fat weed

That rots itself in ease on Lethe wharf,

 Wouldst thou not stir in this. Now, Hamlet, hear.

'Tis given out that, sleeping in my orchard,

A serpent stung me. So the whole ear of Denmark

Is by a forged process of my death

Rankly abus'd. But know, thou noble youth,

 The serpent that did sting thy father's life

Now wears his crown.

Mario. O my prophetic soul!

My uncle?

DK. Ay, that incestuous, that adulterate beast, (Flashback begins of Donkey Kong and Bowser sitting against the Cheep-chomp fountain in front of the castle)

 With witchcraft of his wit, with traitorous gifts-

O wicked wit and gifts, that have the power

So to seduce!- won to his shameful lust

The will of my most seeming-virtuous queen. 

O Hamlet, what a falling-off was there, (Continuing with the flashback, Bowser reaches into his shell and grabs a banana tainted with Bowser Jr’s paint goop, then turns to hand the gift to a hapless Donkey Kong)

  From me, whose love was of that dignity

That it went hand in hand even with the vow

I made to her in marriage, and to decline

Upon a wretch whose natural gifts were poor

To those of mine!

 But virtue, as it never will be mov'd,

Though lewdness court it in a shape of heaven,

So lust, though to a radiant angel link'd,

Will sate itself in a celestial bed

And prey on garbage. (As Donkey Kong proceeds to stomach the banana Bowser lent him, a tremor quakes within, causing the then-king to begin exhaling swoopin’ stus and a towering black Polluted Piranha before falling to his death)

 But soft! methinks I scent the morning air.

Brief let me be. Sleeping within my orchard,

My custom always of the afternoon,

Upon my secure hour thy uncle stole,

With juice of cursed hebona in a vial,

 And in the porches of my ears did pour

The leperous distilment; whose effect

Holds such an enmity with blood of man

That swift as quicksilver it courses through

The natural gates and alleys of the body,

 And with a sudden vigour it doth posset

And curd, like eager droppings into milk,

The thin and wholesome blood. So did it mine;

And a most instant tetter bark'd about,

Most lazar-like, with vile and loathsome crust

 All my smooth body. 

Thus was I, sleeping, by a brother's hand

Of life, of crown, of queen, at once dispatch'd;

Cut off even in the blossoms of my sin,

Unhous'led, disappointed, unanel'd,

 No reckoning made, but sent to my account (After extinguishing the grime expelled by the now-deceased Donkey Kong, Bowser crouches by the body to appear as though he mourns, thus ending the flashback)

With all my imperfections on my head.

Mario. O, horrible! O, horrible! most horrible!

DK. If thou hast nature in thee, bear it not.

Let not the royal bed of Denmark be

 A couch for luxury and damned incest.

But, howsoever thou pursuest this act,

Taint not thy mind, nor let thy soul contrive

Against thy mother aught. Leave her to heaven,

And to those thorns that in her bosom lodge

 To prick and sting her. Fare thee well at once.

The glowworm shows the matin to be near

And gins to pale his uneffectual fire.

Adieu, adieu, adieu! Remember me. Exit.

Mario. O all you host of heaven! O earth! What else?

 And shall I couple hell? Hold, hold, my heart!

And you, my sinews, grow not instant old,

But bear me stiffly up. Remember thee?

Ay, thou poor ghost, while memory holds a seat

In this distracted globe. Remember thee?

 Yea, from the table of my memory

I'll wipe away all trivial fond records,

All saws of books, all forms, all pressures past

That youth and observation copied there,

And thy commandment all alone shall live

 Within the book and volume of my brain,

Unmix'd with baser matter. Yes, by heaven!

O most pernicious woman!

O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain!

My tables! Meet it is I set it down

 That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain;

At least I am sure it may be so in Denmark. [Writes.]

So, uncle, there you are. Now to my word:

It is 'Adieu, adieu! Remember me.'

I have sworn't.

 Luigi. [within] My lord, my lord!

Enter Luigi and Yoshi.

Yoshi. Lord Hamlet!

Luigi. Heaven secure him!

Mario. So be it!

 Yoshi. Illo, ho, ho, my lord!

Mario. Hillo, ho, ho, boy! Come, bird, come.

Yoshi. How is't, my noble lord?

Luigi. What news, my lord?

Yoshi. O, wonderful!

 Luigi. Good my lord, tell it.

Mario. No, you will reveal it.

Luigi. Not I, my lord, by heaven!

Yoshi. Nor I, my lord.

Mario. How say you then? Would heart of man once think it?

 But you'll be secret?

Yoshi. [with Luigi] Ay, by heaven, my lord.

Mario. There's neer a villain dwelling in all Denmark

But he's an arrant knave.

Luigi. There needs no ghost, my lord, come from the grave

 To tell us this.

Mario. Why, right! You are in the right!

And so, without more circumstance at all,

I hold it fit that we shake hands and part;

You, as your business and desires shall point you,

 For every man hath business and desire,

Such as it is; and for my own poor part,

Look you, I'll go pray.

Luigi. These are but wild and whirling words, my lord.

Mario. I am sorry they offend you, heartily;

  Yes, faith, heartily.

Luigi. There's no offence, my lord.

Mario. Yes, by Saint Patrick, but there is, Horatio,

And much offence too. Touching this vision here,

It is an honest ghost, that let me tell you.

 For your desire to know what is between us,

O'ermaster't as you may. And now, good friends,

As you are friends, scholars, and soldiers,

Give me one poor request.

Luigi. What is't, my lord? We will.

 Mario. Never make known what you have seen to-night.

Yoshi. [with Luigi] My lord, we will not.

Mario. Nay, but swear't.

Luigi. In faith,

My lord, not I.

 Yoshi. Nor I, my lord- in faith.

Mario. Upon my sword.

Yoshi. We have sworn, my lord, already.

Mario. Indeed, upon my sword, indeed.

Donkey Kong cries under the stage.

DK. Swear.

Mario. Aha boy, say'st thou so? Art thou there, truepenny?

Come on! You hear this fellow in the cellarage.

Consent to swear.

Luigi. Propose the oath, my lord.

 Mario. Never to speak of this that you have seen.

Swear by my sword.

DK. [beneath] Swear.

Mario. Hic et ubique? Then we'll shift our ground.

Come hither, gentlemen,

 And lay your hands again upon my sword.

Never to speak of this that you have heard:

Swear by my sword.

DK. [beneath] Swear by his sword.

Mario. Well said, old mole! Canst work i' th' earth so fast?

 A worthy pioner! Once more remove, good friends."

Luigi. O day and night, but this is wondrous strange!

Mario. And therefore as a stranger give it welcome.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,

Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

 But come!

Here, as before, never, so help you mercy,

How strange or odd soe'er I bear myself

(As I perchance hereafter shall think meet

To put an antic disposition on),

 That you, at such times seeing me, never shall,

With arms encumb'red thus, or this head-shake,

Or by pronouncing of some doubtful phrase,

As 'Well, well, we know,' or 'We could, an if we would,'

Or 'If we list to speak,' or 'There be, an if they might,'

Or such ambiguous giving out, to note

That you know aught of me- this is not to do,

So grace and mercy at your most need help you,

Swear.

DK. [beneath] Swear.

 [They swear.]

Mario. Rest, rest, perturbed spirit! So, gentlemen,

With all my love I do commend me to you;

And what so poor a man as Hamlet is

May do t' express his love and friending to you,

  God willing, shall not lack. Let us go in together;

And still your fingers on your lips, I pray.

The time is out of joint. O cursed spite

That ever I was born to set it right!

Nay, come, let's go together. (Leaps forward and sails into the air as his accomplices take suit, while Donkey Kong watches with anticipation before utterly dissipating)

  Exeunt.

[sky-bluepinksunset]

All of them ya Jobbie

DELETED THIS HALFWAY THROUGH SO TAKE II BITCHES 1: My name? Bryce! 2: Do I have any nicknames? B, Kennedy when I'm in trouble, BK, babe3: Zodiac sign? Aries4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? Grand Theft Auto V5: Book/series I reread? Harry Potter but Goblet of Fire especially 6: Aliens or ghosts? Leaning more towards ghosts?? 7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? Not sure? Don't really follow authors well8: Favourite radio station? 104.5, not that it means a lot to you, but it's called "The Beat of Knoxville" and plays mostly rap and hip hop 9: Favourite flavour of anything? Cinnamon 10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? Insane lmaooo11: Favourite song? Of all time?? Either 12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? Favorite song usually!! 13: Favourite word? Probably 14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? Yeah, you're going to be miserable if you're bitter. 15: Last song I listened to? Praying by Kesha16: TV show I always recommend? B99 as of super recent 17: Pirates or ninjas? Pirates 18: Movie I watch when I'm feeling down? I normally binge tv series I've seen before 19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? Issues by Julia Michaels because it's a BOP Also Home by Edward Sharpe20: Favourite video games? GTA, Literally NEVER ashamed to admit to Mario Super Bros, Life is Strange is pretty good! Also quite like Subnautica sue me 21: What am I most afraid of? Failure I think22: A good quality of mine? I help people?? Idk lmao 23: A bad quality of mine? Losing discipline when trying to do something 24: Cats or dogs? BOTH25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they're in? Evelyne Brochu 26: Favourite season? Fall 27: Am I in a relationship? Nope 28: Something I miss? Band a lot29: My best friend? Ur gay ass30: Eye colour? Blue! 31: Hair colour? Currently a silver blonde 32: Someone I love? Cameron33: Someone I trust? You34: Someone I always think about? Chekov and Sulu 🙄🙄35: Am I excited about anything? Yep! 36: My current obsession? Buzzfeedblue37: Favourite TV shows as a child? Wizards of Waverly Place, iCarly, either of the Zach and Cody shows 38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? Yeah! 39: Am I superstitious? About some things like salt over your shoulder and sweeping your feet40: What do I think about most? Again Chulu or college 41: Do I have any strange phobias? Mm I have a fear of dying or disappearing and my room being a mess 42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Behind 43: Favourite hobbies? Writing 44: Last book I read? People's History of the US45: Last film I watched? Not sure? 46: Do I play any instruments? Flute, piccolo and alto flute! 47: Favourite animal? Otter, shark, pit bulls48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow?49: Superpower I wish I could have? Teleporting could be cool50: How do I destress? Watch shit or exercise 51: Do I like confrontation? NOPE52: When do I feel most at peace? Not really sure53: What makes me smile? Silly conversations 54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? Off I'm not an ANIMAL 55: Play any sports? Nope, used to play softball and basketball 56: What is my song of the week? The Louvre57: Favourite drink? Coffee 58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? I have no idea 59: Afraid of heights? Healthily 60: Pet peeve? Oppression I guess?? 61: What was the last concert I went to see? Mary Lambert 62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? I want to go back vegetarian or vegan!! 63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? A veterinarian 64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? Yeah one but I just hold a grudge over nothing 65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? Star Trek or HP66: Something I worry about? Making wrong decisions 67: Scared of the dark? Sorta 68: Who are my best friends? U and Nicole69: What do I admire most about others? Their talents!! 70: Can I sing? Nope 71: Something I wish I could do? Lose weight easier lmao 72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? Travel! 73: Have I ever skipped school? Once74: Favourite place on the planet? Haven't found it yet 75: Where do I want to live? Scotland right now76: Do I have any pets? Yeah a bunch 77: What is my current desktop picture? Currently it's Nomi and Anaminita78: Early bird or night owl? Night owl 79: Sunsets or sunrise? Sunsets I think 80: Can I drive? Yeah! Love it 81: Story behind my last kiss? Don't wanna talk about it lmao 82: Earphones or headphones? Earphones 83: Have I ever had braces? Nope 84: Story behind one of my scars? I got rock stuck in my elbow from a bike fall 85: Favourite genre of music? Indie86: Who is my hero? I have no idea 87: Favourite comic book character? Wonder Woman atm 88: What makes me really angry? Oppression again 89: Kindle or real book? Real book but I don't mind kindles at all 90: Favourite sporty activity? Band??? Dk if that counts 91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? "Isn't tight" But the whole phone situation 92: What was my favourite subject at school? English 93: Siblings? 2 brothers and 3 sisters 94: What was the last thing I bought? I bought gas and dinner for the fam 95: How tall am I? 5'11 I think 96: Can I cook? Not extremely complicated 97: Can I bake? Yeah really well!98: 3 things I love? Trips, the sky, great plots 99: 3 things I hate? Shopping, restlessness trying to sleep, work atm100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? More girl friends 101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? Both equally well102: Where was I born? Maryville, TN103: Sexual orientation? Bi104: Where do I currently live? Maryville lmao 105: Last person I texted? You 106: Last time I cried? I think earlier over a video 107: Guilty pleasure? conspiracy theories 108: Favourite Youtuber? Buzzfeedblue at the moment KILL ME 109: A photo of myself. 110: Do I like selfies? Sometimes!111: Favourite game app? Don't really know 112: My relationship with my parents? Yeah could be worse 113: Favourite accents? French, Indian and Kenyan I think 114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? Anywhere in Europe 115: Favourite number? 24116: Can I juggle? Nope and don't have any desire to 117: Am I religious? Sorta 118: Do I like space? Yeah 119: Do I like the deep ocean? Yes! 120: Am I much of a daredevil? No not remotely 121: Am I allergic to anything? Nope 122: Can I curl my tongue? Yes123: Can I wiggle my ears? Nope124: Do I like clowns? I don't hate them 125: The Beatles or Elvis? Actually can't stand Elvis 126: My current project? Getting myself better in different ways 127: Am I a bad loser? Yeaaaaah128: Do I admit when I wrong? Sometimes129: Forest or beach? Forest 130: Favourite piece of advice? Breathe 131: Am I a good liar I think so? Don't love to do it 132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? Ravenclaw/ Amity or Erudite / No clue 133: Do I talk to myself? Yeah 134: Am I very social? Nope 135: Do I like gossip? Nope 136: Do I keep a journal/diary? I wish I had! I need to start 137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? Yeah lmao138: Do I believe in second chances? Yes 139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? Leave it, like I wouldn't turn it in because I don't want to be put on one of those shifty videos yk140: Do I believe people are capable of change? Always 141: Have I ever been underweight? Nope 142: Am I ticklish? Yeah I HATE it 143: Have I ever been in a submarine? Nope144: Have I ever been on a plane? Twice 145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? A bunch of my faves that don't have to look anything alike 146: Have I ever been overweight? YUP147: Do I have any piercings? Currently just the one ear hole, let the others close up 148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? Suluuuuu149: Do I have any tattoos? Not yet150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? Not sure! Possibly college choice soon 151: Do I believe in Karma? Yes152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? Glasses but they're broken atm 153: What was my first car? Pontiac G6 2005 154: Do I want children? Yup 155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? The Spirko family 156: My most embarrassing memory? 157: What makes me nostalgic? Pictures of band 158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? Yeah I hate it 159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? Brains 160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? Teal 161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? Yep 162: What do I hate most about myself? How I look 163: What do I love most about myself? My thought process 164: Do I like adventure? Yeah who doesn't 165: Do I believe in fate? Skeptical but yeah 166: Favourite animal? Answered above but otters and sharks and pits 167: Have I ever been on radio? Nope 168: Have I ever been on TV? Yeah 169: How old am I? 17 170: One of my favourite quotes? The stars would be proud to know they made someone like you 171: Do I hold grudges? Yeahhh172: Do I trust easily? Kinda 173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? I hope 174: Best gift I’ve ever received? Not really sure but probably Kenya 175: Do I dream? Yeah 176: Have I ever had a night terror? Yep177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? When I was 8, I had a dream my family was trying to kill me and I woke up screaming 178: An experience that has made me stronger? Taking care of Cam from a young age 179: If I were immortal, what would I do? Fuckin LIVE 180: Do I like shopping? Absolutely not 181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? Rob a bank I need some money 182: What does “family” mean to me? Anyone who makes you feel loved183: What is my spirit animal? Probably a sloth or elephant or smth lmao 184: How do I want to be remembered? Hopeful 185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? Cooking 186: What is my greatest failure? Not sure 187: What is my greatest achievement? Again not sure 188: Love or money? Love 189: Love or career? At the sacrifice of another, it seems pointless 190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? Probably back to grandpa 191: What makes me the happiest? Being out with friends I think 192: What is “home” to me? Hard to describe but definitely where you're relaxed and motivated and I think it's more an idea?? Like you're with certain people maybe 193: What motivates me? Not wanting to be embarrassed 194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? Probably try to quote a shit book 195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? Absolutely BEAM ME UP 196: A movie that scared me as a child? Sweeney Todd197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? Naps 198: Zombies or vampires? Vampires probably 199: Live in the city or suburbs? City right now! Currently in the country so it'll be an experience 200: Dragons or wizards? Wizards 201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? Again the family murdering me thing 202: How do I define love? Home 203: Do I judge a book by its cover? Yeah too often 204: Have I ever had my heart broken? Yes205: Do I like my handwriting? Oddly enough, yeah? 206: Sweet or savoury? Savory 207: Worst job I’ve had? Taco Bell by default 208: Do I collect anything? Shells! 209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? I wear my Kati bag because I keep my cigarettes in it 210: What is on my bucket list? Stealing yours but defo northern lights 211: How do I handle anger? Snapping and apologizing, or ignoring everyone 212: Was I named after anyone? Bryce was after a Bengals football player, and my mom and dad argue between Kennedy being after a DJ in Cincinnati or the president 213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? NOPE 214: What TV character am I most like? Mix of Gina and Rosa and Amy off b99 215: What is the weirdest talent I have? Guessing tv plots 216: Favourite fictional character? Nomi or Sulu That took a full 45 minutes

[makerof150papermasks]

Hamlet Mariofied Act 3 Scene 4

Bolded names refer to the Mario characters playing the roles. The character role names remain the same in the context of the play and its dialogue.

Peach = Gertrude

Kamek = Polonius

Mario = Hamlet

Donkey Kong = Ghost

Act III, Scene 4

The Queen’s closet.

Enter Peach and Kamek Tune of Mushroomy Kingdom.

Kamek. He will come straight. Look you lay home to him.

Tell him his pranks have been too broad to bear with,

And that your Grace hath screen'd and stood between

 Much heat and him. I'll silence me even here.

Pray you be round with him.

Mario. [within] Mother, mother, mother!

Peach. I'll warrant you; fear me not. Withdraw; I hear him coming.

[Kamek hides behind the arras.]

Enter Mario. Play Castle Theme from Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island.

Mario. Now, mother, what's the matter?

Peach. Hamlet, thou hast thy father much offended.

Mario. Mother, you have my father much offended.

Peach. Come, come, you answer with an idle tongue.

 Mario. Go, go, you question with a wicked tongue.

Peach. Why, how now, Hamlet?

Mario. What's the matter now?

Peach. Have you forgot me?

Mario. No, by the rood, not so!

  You are the Queen, your husband's brother's wife,

And (would it were not so!) you are my mother.

Peach. Nay, then I'll set those to you that can speak.

Mario. Come, come, and sit you down. You shall not budge;

You go not till I set you up a glass

 Where you may see the inmost part of you.

Peach. What wilt thou do? Thou wilt not murther me?

Help, help, ho!

Kamek. [behind] What, ho! help, help, help!

Mario. [draws] How now? a rat? Dead for a ducat, dead!

 Makes a pass through the arras and kills Kamek. 

Kamek. [behind] O, I am slain! Game over music from Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island commences as Kamek dies.

Peach. O me, what hast thou done?

Mario. Nay, I know not. Is it the King?

Peach. O, what a rash and bloody deed is this!

 Mario. A bloody deed- almost as bad, good mother,

As kill a king, and marry with his brother.

Peach. As kill a king?

Mario. Ay, lady, it was my word.

Lifts up the arras and sees Kamek. Cue Castle Music from New Super Mario Bros.

 Thou wretched, rash, intruding fool, farewell!

I took thee for thy better. Take thy fortune.

Thou find'st to be too busy is some danger.

Leave wringing of your hands. Peace! sit you down

And let me wring your heart; for so I shall

 If it be made of penetrable stuff;

If damned custom have not braz'd it so

That it is proof and bulwark against sense.

Peach. What have I done that thou dar'st wag thy tongue

In noise so rude against me?

 Mario. Such an act

That blurs the grace and blush of modesty;

Calls virtue hypocrite; takes off the rose

From the fair forehead of an innocent love,

And sets a blister there; makes marriage vows

 As false as dicers' oaths. O, such a deed

As from the body of contraction plucks

The very soul, and sweet religion makes

A rhapsody of words! Heaven's face doth glow;

Yea, this solidity and compound mass,

 With tristful visage, as against the doom,

Is thought-sick at the act.

Peach. Ah me, what act,

That roars so loud and thunders in the index?

Mario. Look here upon th's picture, and on this,

 The counterfeit presentment of two brothers.

See what a grace was seated on this brow;

Hyperion's curls; the front of Jove himself;

An eye like Mars, to threaten and command;

A station like the herald Mercury

 New lighted on a heaven-kissing hill:

A combination and a form indeed

Where every god did seem to set his seal

To give the world assurance of a man.

This was your husband. Look you now what follows.

 Here is your husband, like a mildew'd ear

Blasting his wholesome brother. Have you eyes?

Could you on this fair mountain leave to feed,

And batten on this moor? Ha! have you eyes

You cannot call it love; for at your age

 The heyday in the blood is tame, it's humble,

And waits upon the judgment; and what judgment

Would step from this to this? Sense sure you have,

Else could you not have motion; but sure that sense

Is apoplex'd; for madness would not err,

 Nor sense to ecstacy was ne'er so thrall'd

But it reserv'd some quantity of choice

To serve in such a difference. What devil was't

That thus hath cozen'd you at hoodman-blind?

Eyes without feeling, feeling without sight,

 Ears without hands or eyes, smelling sans all,

Or but a sickly part of one true sense

Could not so mope.

O shame! where is thy blush? Rebellious hell,

If thou canst mutine in a matron's bones,

 To flaming youth let virtue be as wax

And melt in her own fire. Proclaim no shame

When the compulsive ardour gives the charge,

Since frost itself as actively doth burn,

And reason panders will.

 Peach. O Hamlet, speak no more!

Thou turn'st mine eyes into my very soul,

And there I see such black and grained spots

As will not leave their tinct.

Mario. Nay, but to live

  In the rank sweat of an enseamed bed,

Stew'd in corruption, honeying and making love

Over the nasty sty!

Peach. O, speak to me no more!

These words like daggers enter in mine ears.

No more, sweet Hamlet!

Mario. A murtherer and a villain!

A slave that is not twentieth part the tithe

Of your precedent lord; a vice of kings;

A cutpurse of the empire and the rule,

 That from a shelf the precious diadem stole

And put it in his pocket!

Peach. No more!

Enter Donkey Kong in his nightgown. Initiate Gangplank Galleon. 

Mario. A king of shreds and patches!-

 Save me and hover o'er me with your wings,

You heavenly guards! What would your gracious figure?

Peach. Alas, he's mad!

Mario. Do you not come your tardy son to chide,

That, laps'd in time and passion, lets go by

 Th' important acting of your dread command?

O, say!

DK. Do not forget. This visitation

Is but to whet thy almost blunted purpose.

But look, amazement on thy mother sits.

 O, step between her and her fighting soul

Conceit in weakest bodies strongest works.

Speak to her, Hamlet.

Mario. How is it with you, lady?

Peach. Alas, how is't with you,

 That you do bend your eye on vacancy,

And with th' encorporal air do hold discourse?

Forth at your eyes your spirits wildly peep;

And, as the sleeping soldiers in th' alarm,

Your bedded hairs, like life in excrements,

 Start up and stand an end. O gentle son,

Upon the heat and flame of thy distemper

Sprinkle cool patience! Whereon do you look?

Mario. On him, on him! Look you how pale he glares!

His form and cause conjoin'd, preaching to stones,

 Would make them capable.- Do not look upon me,

Lest with this piteous action you convert

My stern effects. Then what I have to do

Will want true colour- tears perchance for blood.

Peach. To whom do you speak this?

 Mario. Do you see nothing there?

Peach. Nothing at all; yet all that is I see.

Mario. Nor did you nothing hear?

Peach. No, nothing but ourselves.

Mario. Why, look you there! Look how it steals away!

My father, in his habit as he liv'd!

Look where he goes even now out at the portal!

Exit Donkey Kong. Composition of the boss theme from Super Mario Bros 2.

Peach. This is the very coinage of your brain.

This bodiless creation ecstasy

 Is very cunning in.

Mario. Ecstasy?

My pulse as yours doth temperately keep time

And makes as healthful music. It is not madness

That I have utt'red. Bring me to the test,

 And I the matter will reword; which madness

Would gambol from. Mother, for love of grace,

Lay not that flattering unction to your soul

That not your trespass but my madness speaks.

It will but skin and film the ulcerous place,

 Whiles rank corruption, mining all within,

Infects unseen. Confess yourself to heaven;

Repent what's past; avoid what is to come;

And do not spread the compost on the weeds

To make them ranker. Forgive me this my virtue;

 For in the fatness of these pursy times

Virtue itself of vice must pardon beg-

Yea, curb and woo for leave to do him good.

Peach. O Hamlet, thou hast cleft my heart in twain.

Mario. O, throw away the worser part of it,

 And live the purer with the other half,

Good night- but go not to my uncle's bed.

Assume a virtue, if you have it not.

That monster, custom, who all sense doth eat

Of habits evil, is angel yet in this,

 That to the use of actions fair and good

He likewise gives a frock or livery,

That aptly is put on. Refrain to-night,

And that shall lend a kind of easiness

To the next abstinence; the next more easy;

 For use almost can change the stamp of nature,

And either (master) the devil, or throw him out

With wondrous potency. Once more, good night;

And when you are desirous to be blest,

I'll blessing beg of you.- For this same lord,

 I do repent; but heaven hath pleas'd it so,

To punish me with this, and this with me,

That I must be their scourge and minister.

I will bestow him, and will answer well

The death I gave him. So again, good night.

  I must be cruel, only to be kind;

Thus bad begins, and worse remains behind.

One word more, good lady.

Peach. What shall I do?

Mario. Not this, by no means, that I bid you do:

 Let the bloat King tempt you again to bed;

Pinch wanton on your cheek; call you his mouse;

And let him, for a pair of reechy kisses,

Or paddling in your neck with his damn'd fingers,

Make you to ravel all this matter out,

 That I essentially am not in madness,

But mad in craft. 'Twere good you let him know;

For who that's but a queen, fair, sober, wise,

Would from a paddock, from a bat, a gib

Such dear concernings hide? Who would do so?

 No, in despite of sense and secrecy,

Unpeg the basket on the house's top,

Let the birds fly, and like the famous ape,

To try conclusions, in the basket creep

And break your own neck down.

 Peach. Be thou assur'd, if words be made of breath,

And breath of life, I have no life to breathe

What thou hast said to me.

Mario. I must to England; you know that?

Peach. Alack,

 I had forgot! 'Tis so concluded on.

Mario. There's letters seal'd; and my two schoolfellows,

Whom I will trust as I will adders fang'd,

They bear the mandate; they must sweep my way

And marshal me to knavery. Let it work;

 For 'tis the sport to have the enginer

Hoist with his own petar; and 't shall go hard

But I will delve one yard below their mines

And blow them at the moon. O, 'tis most sweet

When in one line two crafts directly meet.

 This man shall set me packing.

I'll lug the guts into the neighbour room.-

Mother, good night.- Indeed, this counsellor

Is now most still, most secret, and most grave,

Who was in life a foolish peating knave.

 Come, sir, to draw toward an end with you.

Good night, mother.

Exit Peach. Then exit Mario, tugging in

Kamek.