#Man i heard a lot of people saying how your last hg year is the best

[rtwiinkle]

Weekend study session ✏️

[evestedic]

Prompt: Kissing in a stairwell, giving them an artificial height difference. *Janhoo or Everlark

Vampiress Prompt - HG (Part II) 

(Go here for Part I)

Peeta was nervous. 

He hadn’t come off as a creep, right? But he was sure she was going to catch something worse than a cold if she stayed in those damp clothes, and the fire could only do so much. 

A throat-clearing woke him up from his thoughts, and there she was. Katniss. She had on one of his shirts and warm flannel pants; her hair was loose but dryer than when he first had seen her. 

“Oh, awesome, you look...uh...warmer.” Smooth, Peeta.

Katniss simply nodded awkwardly, and he quickly went to offer her a blanket. “Just, sit near the fire; I left you a cup of hot chocolate and some cheese buns. I’ll go put your clothes in the dryer.” She nodded again and Peeta practically bolted out of the room. 

The vampiress sighed and looked around her. This was the second floor of the bakery, and it seemed this man, Peeta, lived here. It was a very warm living room: with the fireplace, a very comfortable couch, and a center table with some books and sketchbooks. He had insisted on getting her clothes dry, which really, she didn’t mind, but she knew how weird non-entirely-human reactions could make others feel uncomfortable. Only, when she realized what this might look like, she was uncertain. Would this man expect her to sleep with him? Here she was, a drenched woman seeking refuge in his bakery, who had accepted to go into his home and take off her clothes. Well, even if he did expect it, Katniss would first break his arm, or tear it off. It wasn’t the first time she had encountered a situation like this. 

“That’s done.” Peeta claimed as he came back and sat on a single sofa opposite hers. “Was it too hot?” Katniss then noticed she hadn’t touched the cup with the warm beverage Peeta had made for her. She took it, blew a bit on it for show and drank. 

Delicious. 

What was happening?  She was sure she hadn’t tasted anything as good as this in all of her second life. Sure, there had been times, like 373 years ago, when she tasted real honey for the first time, or that other, 286 years ago, the mango & cardamom syllabub... But this was just hot chocolate–it wasn’t her first time having it, and surely, the first time it tasted this good. 

“This is delicious. Thank you,” she told Peeta, who in turn, looked shy at the compliment and scratched the back of his hair. 

“I’m sorry I don’t have a TV here. I usually just watch things on my laptop or phone, and I don’t know if you would like that…” 

“It’s okay, I’m not that much of a TV fan, anyway.”

“Ditto. My brothers think I’m crazy because of it.” He chuckled and stirred the fire a bit. “So...do you live close? I can give you a ride home if it’s not that far, or call you a cab when the rain stops.”

“I’m okay. I like walking, and I’m not that far away.” 

After that, silence fell between them. Katniss sipped on her chocolate and Peeta drew in his sketchbook. 

A chiming sound came to her ears, and she told Peeta. 

“Oh, that must be the dryer. Give me a second.” He quickly stood up and left through the door. 

Katniss quickly grabbed the sketchbook and gasped when she saw that his latest drawing-drawings-were of her. Her hands holding the chocolate cup, her eyes lit up by the fire, her face framed by her damp hair when she came into the bakery, and finally her just as she was now, sitting cozily bundled with a blanket and looking at the fire. 

Checking the previous ones, she saw there were other people: men, women, children, although also some sunrises. His fingers were definitely talented; he had managed to sketch four drawings in such a small amount of time. 

Hearing his steps, she quickly put everything back as it was and returned to her previous position. 

“I put your clothes in my room, if you wish to change.” Katniss went to stand up when she saw Peeta holding something up. “Do you want to play?” he asked with a smirk. 

“Cards? Really?”

“I don’t have anything here to entertain a lady, but I remembered my brother left a deck of cards last time he attempted to play poker. So, are you game?” 

She was. 

They played different games, some she knew, some she didn’t, and Katniss also taught Peeta some of her own, those she had played so long ago. 

The smile came easily to her lips, and her laughter fell effortlessly amidst his attempts at being clever. And it wasn’t that he wasn’t a good player, but Katniss could detect even the slightest change in his heartbeat, so she won a lot. 

She was stacking the cards again when a clock sounded loudly in the background. 

“What time is it?” she asked. 

“It’s midnight.” 

“Are you serious?” Katniss hadn’t noticed how long they had been playing. She had spent almost five hours with this stranger, just like that. 

“I better go.” She went to stand up, but Peeta beat her to it. 

“You can stay if you want to.” She must have given him some kind of glare because he quickly put his hands up. “I didn’t mean it like that! I mean, it’s late, and you know how the city is not safe. My room has a lock and you can sleep in there; I can just crash here, wouldn’t be the first time.” 

“I...appreciate the offer, but I need to go.” Katniss quickly followed the scent of her clothes and found a room. 

Locking the door, she went to quickly change while her eyes roamed around. 

There were some frames, Peeta’s art, no doubt, some wrestling trophies, a desk with a laptop and picture frames, some clothes strewn around. It had been a while since Katniss had been in someone else’s room...it felt too intimate, so she always avoided these types of connections. 

Shaking her head, she folded the clothes she had just been borrowing and left them on top of the pillow. When she stepped out, she noticed, by her nose, that Peeta was still in the living room. 

“I’m glad nothing shrank. I should’ve asked you if anything you were wearing was heat-sensitive,” was the first thing he said while putting away his sketchbook once again. It made Katniss curious. Could he have possibly done a new sketch in the few minutes she took changing?

“No, everything is okay. I’ll call myself a cab.” He nodded with a small smile and gathered the cups and plates they’d used, making Katniss feel ungrateful. “I can wash that.”

“No way. My house, my rules. My guests don’t do dishes.” 

Katniss nodded, listening as he went down to put everything in the sink. 

Her taxi app pinged, notifying her that the driver would be there in 3 minutes. 

Perfect. 

“I found a cab.” Her voice was at a normal volume, as she heard Peeta was behind her by the door. 

“Good, then please,” he gestured with his hand, “I’ll escort you to the door.” 

“There’s no need to, really. You’ve done more than enough.” 

“My dad would kill me if I weren’t anything but a gentleman. Please.” His smile was something difficult to say no to, she realized, so she agreed. After this, she wasn’t going to see him again, either way. 

Heading down the stairs, she realized they were both going at a turtle’s pace, slowly putting one foot in front of the other. Why was she stalling? Katniss had said ‘thank you’ tonight more times than in the past decade, probably, and she had managed to keep her usual rudeness at bay; there was nothing left to say. 

Taking a deep breath, she turned around to say goodbye one final time before leaving, but when she whipped her head around to look behind her, Katniss found those piercing blue eyes so close it almost made her gasp. 

“S-Sorry, I...was just going to warn you about the next step; the wood is a bit loose there.” Why was Peeta whispering? Why hadn’t he moved?

Why hadn’t she moved?

He was a step higher than her, making him seem even taller, and the stairs weren’t illuminated by any light above. 

She wondered if there was some magnetic force that suddenly brought them together, because she was sure they had crashed their lips against the other’s at the same time. Katniss quickly found herself pinned against the wall, but she didn’t let go, only pulled at Peeta’s face with both hands, pouring need into the kiss. 

The last time she did this had been centuries ago. She didn't need sex; she'd had sex for decades, and it had long since worked its way out of her system. Lust was something common to her race, but the fever dimmed throughout the immortal years, eventually only happening if you wanted it to. Right this second, she wanted to. And Peeta must have noticed. 

The way he held her waist, tight against his own body told her that. She knew she was stronger than him, but the pure male scent that came from him at that moment made her pliant in his hands. Big, strong, those were the only adjectives her mind could come up with while he sucked the air out of her lungs. 

When their lips parted, she simply dropped her head back, baring her neck to him, a gesture he fully took advantage of, biting where her pulse point should’ve been. 

A shiver ran down her spine, almost making her weak in the knees. Peeta returned to her mouth, and just as his tongue ran across her lower lip, a loud honking noise made them jump apart. 

“That was-” she began to say.

“I, um...I just…” he tried to say.

They stared at each other for a second before Katniss sprinted down the stairs, almost flying through them, not actually touching the steps. 

She opened the door and turned around one last time. 

“Goodbye, Peeta.” 

[mfangeleeta]

Last Call for Vodka (update)

Hello friends and welcome back to Vodka 2.0. I’ve had quite a few takes as of late in my writing file but the one that seems to be sticking is Road House, Bering and Wells style. If you can’t get with Swayze, I don’t know what to tell you. This will be in a few parts. Check out it and the rest of the madness here. Thanks for playing!

The future’s uncertain and the end is always near

HG pulled into the dusty parking lot and turned her car off.  The lot was full of vehicles parked in somewhat organized rows all pointed towards the club, the Baker’s Dozen. She could hear the sound of live music as she watched two men stagger out of the club drunk.

She’d agreed as a favor to check this place out. They were in need of her kind of help.  She just wasn’t sure if she was ready to give it.

 HG smiled seeing Claudia up on stage with her band.  The young girl that she had met a few years ago in Memphis was slowly but surely building a following.  She made her way to the bar and found a spot on the edge.

“What can I get ya?”

“Coffee black.”

“Coffee?” the bartender repeated.

“Black.”

 She scanned the area in front of her.  One of the waitresses was dealing.  Two of the guys on the dance floor had poorly concealed guns.  She glanced over her shoulder as a fight broke out in the pool table area.  

 “Well hello there pretty lady.”

She cringed at the bad come on the overwhelming smell of whisky.

“Nope.” She sipped her coffee.

“Come on now,” he began again.

“Did I not make myself unclear?” she arched an eyebrow.

The man swayed for a moment. “Bitch!” he hissed as he walked away.

 “HG,” Artie Nielson greeted. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

“Sorry,” she shook his hand. “I wasn’t sure of my timetable.  Plus I like to get a lay of the land on my own.”

“Well I couldn’t be happier to see you. Come up to my office so we can chat.”

HG gave Claudia a quick wave on stage as she began the guitar solo in Roadhouse Blues. They would have to catch up later.

 “You got quite a mess out there Arthur.”

The older man sighed and sat down behind his desk. “I know. That’s why I called you. You’re the best cooler in the business and I need your help to get the Dozen back on track. I haven’t even been able to finish the remodel we started last year.”

HG crossed her arms as she stood in front of the office window. Another fight had broken out in the back corner of the club and a woman was dancing on top of a table.

“I have one rule,” she turned.  “What I say goes.  No discussion. No argument.”

“That’s it?”

“Those are my terms.”

“Agreed.”

  The next day she’d found herself a nice old set of wheels for around town and a small apartment in the loft of a barn owned by an enthusiastic man named Pete Lattimer.

“I’ve been working these lands since I was a kid,” he grinned as he watched her unpack. “You’re gonna love it here. The horses will keep you company and let you know if anyone is trying to sneak up on you.”

“I don’t expect to have any midnight callers.”

He laughed. “Never say never.”

She rolled her eyes and he laughed again. “What you’re going for Artie over at the Dozen, that’s a really good thing. He’s a good guy.”

“I don’t do what I do because people are good or bad Mr. Latimer. I do what I do because they pay me.”

“Either way, I think it’s great.”

 Later that day HG stood next to Artie as he introduced her to the Baker’s Dozen crew. As expected, skepticism rolled through the group. She was a woman. She was English.

“I thought you’d be taller,” one of the guys in the back called out.

“Like I’ve never heard that before.” HG replied.

The group laughed.

“This,” Artie pointed to a set of blue prints hanging behind them. “This is the new Baker’s Dozen which I’ve put a lot of money into. To protect my investment, I’ve hired one of the best coolers in the business.”

“First things first. Sally you’re fired. We serve drinks not drugs at this bar.” HG pointed at a young blonde woman.

“Whatever,” the waitress grabbed her final pay from Artie and hurried out the door.

“Kipling you’re out too. You don’t have the temperament for this business.”

“You’re full of shit,” he growled as he headed out the door.

“Anyone else dealing?” she paused. “Because my word is the law of the land from this point on. And if you have a problem with that just leave now.”

She waited. When no one left, she continued.

“People who want to have a good time,” she began, “won’t come to butchery. We have far too many troublemakers coming here.  Men who think like teenagers, criminals, blitz drinkers, and masters of pharmaceuticals. Things are going to change.”

“That sounds awesome,” Jack spoke up. “But a lot of those guys are too much to handle for one of us, sometimes even two of us.”

“That’s where these three simple rules come in,” HG paced in front of the room.  “One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, it always gets taken outside. Never start anything inside unless you absolutely have two. And most importantly three, be nice.”

“Really,” Buck shrugged his shoulders.

“Yes,” HG smiled. “If someone tells you to fuck off, be nice.”

“Okay,” Buck rolled his eyes.

“Escort them out of the bar,” HG continued, “but be nice. If he won’t go, help him but be nice. If you have to ask others to help you, do it. But both of you will be nice.”

A chuckle went through the group.

“Remember this is just a job. Nothing is personal.”

“But if someone tells you to fuck off,” Dodge called out. “It’s a little hard to be nice.”

“All they are is a verb and an adverb put together in an attempt to make you angry. That’s it. You have to be a little tougher to work in this business.”

Dodge frowned as the group laughed again.

“I want you to be nice, until it’s time to not be nice.”

“Well how are we supposed to know when that time is,” Buck asked.

“I’ll let you know.” HG stopped in front of the group. “You are the bouncers, I am the cooler. All you have to do is watch my back and each other’s and we’ll be able to take out the trash.”

[duckball]

#BB19 Let the games begin

Summer has officially started! Tonight is the 2-hour premiere of BB19! Hey, it’s Brandon and I’m back this summer to blog and tweet and bitch about all the happenings in the BB house! I cannot wait to get this season underway! Let’s gooooooooo! 

“The most tempting season go Big Brother begins now.” Julie rocking the purple sleeveless dress! She’s as excited as ever. 

There tempting offers could turn the house upside down.....

Money, former fan favorite, and possible first night eviction (OH SHIT)

The first one we meet is Christmas. Author, first female NASCAR print crew member, and obvious fitness buff

Jason is a rodeo clown and auctioneer. Aww, his son’s cute. That’s all I have to say about him. 

Alex loves playing video games, chess, eating, and preparing for the apocalypse. 

Kevin is a stay at home dad with 7 kids who is used to dealing with children so that should help him in the game. Probably not tho. 

Dominique is a nuclear engineer from D.C. Religion is a huge part of her life. So important that she has a YT channel all about Jesus. She seems fierce. 

Mark is a personal trainer who was raised by his grandparents. Awwww his grandparents are adorable! Almost as adorable as he is. 

Elena is a radio personality from TX who is 100% unfiltered. “There’s a really good chance my mouth will get me in trouble.” You think honey? 

Ramses is a cosplay artist, or god, in his words. A BB super fan who is the gay guy of the season. A little over the top. Well, a lot over the top. 

They are playing it off as if Jason and Dominique will get along which I don’t see. 

Elena’s family tells her goodbye by telling her to go get a man. How supportive of them... Who cares about this amazing opportunity she just received go get some dick and bring that home so you can break up in 6 months. 

Alex, Mark, Ramses, and Elena are the first 4 to enter the house this season! 

Ramses is fan boying in the diary room.  

Alex is already looking for clues for the first comp. My first impressions were wrong.

Elena is drooling over Mark, not surprisingly. But Mark is drooling over Christmas. Sorry Elena, trying the next group of bros. 

Christmas is hilarious!

COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME  

Cody is next. A Marine for 4 years, and 6 years in the air force. With an amazing body. And I mean amazing. He’s pretty chill. Aww... he has a little girl! She’s cute! 

Raven owns her own dancing studio and an all woman ghost hunting team. Who seems so much more tame than her pre show interview. 

Josh is a Puerto Rican business man who is super proud of his heritage and will not stop at the chance to remind us of that and his loud personality. 

Megan is a dog walker. When she was 20, she joined the Navy and became a professional interrogator (did not see that twist coming). 

Cameron is microbiologist. The nerd of the season who is athletic. According to him, a triple threat. We’ll see about that.  

Jessica is a something from LA. A model I think. Looks like it. Apparently she’s a super fan who always watched with her dad who passed away 3 years ago :( 

Matt is a...... oh he’s oh.... oh. I heard nothing he said. Sorry. That face, that hair, that body, that everything. 

Jillian is a timeshares rep who is talking about how to get timeshares and I couldn’t care less. Her entire family went to Tijuana to get weight loss. No judgement but judging. 

Well, Megan hates woman because they’re bitchy. Good luck girl.  

Matt, Raven, Jillian, and Cameron head in to meet the first 8 HGs! 

Christmas and Matt (YES PLEASE)

Raven and Matt? (NO PLEASE) 

The first thing Cody notices is Jessica. As well as Josh. Who will sleep together first because both guys basically already have a hard on. 

Ramses, Megan, Alex are hitting it off super well. 

#LivesInHisMomsBasement Alex about Cameron HAHAHAHA

None of these people know what cosplay is. Kevin can’t even pronounce it, not surprisingly. 

Dominque lies about her job, Megan doesn’t tell them she was an interrogator. 

All the girls are drooling over Matt. Which is literally me this entire episode. Ugh I can’t handle him. 

COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME 

“The biggest, wildest, the most tempting summer in the history of the game. The summer of temptation. And it all starts right now!” 

Money, safety, and power are all of tonight’s temptations. 

They all head out to the back yard for the first temptation. BB Garden of Eden. They are all in pods and are lifted in the air. They have a button and if they press the button, they get 25K. Accept it, and the first twist of the summer will be released into the game. The person who takes the temptation will remain anonymous. 

Cameron is not pressing the button. Josh wants to but won’t. Dom says it’s not worth it this early in the game. 

KEVIN PRESSED THE BUTTON 

TWO consequences. One personal. And one for the entire house. The person who claimed it is not eligible to win the first HOH. They must throw it. The second is...... most likely Paul coming back but we won’t know till later. 

Dominique is pissed. She’s out for blood. Get it girl! 

Julie says they’re about to be joined by a former fan favorite. I’m shocked! Wow. Cannot believe. Best kept secret. So excited. Yay. 

COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME 

Doorbell rings......... PAUL FROM BB18 ENTERS THE HOUSE (yawn) 

PISSED 

Cody doesn’t like him and can’t wait to BD him while everyone else is hanging all over him. 

Megan, Ramses, Alex, Jillian head upstairs to chat. They all vibe well. Megan says lets just call it a group of people talking strategy, not an alliance. Smart call, Megan. Don’t jump the gun already. 

Paul is taking one of the HGs places in the game. It’s called the BB Swap. Lmao

If they want to stay in the game, they must tempt Paul. He goes to the storage to get a box and Julie tells him to open it... There are 9 friendship bracelets. One for him, 8 are for the other 8 HGs OF HIS CHOICE. If they get a bracelet, they will be safe from eviction. They other 8 will be up for eviction.  

Jillian has yet to take out her weave. She needs that bracelet! Girl! Me too. I feel ya! 

COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME 

Raven is the first one working Paul hard. 

Elena gives him a cheese sandwich. Practice safe snacks, use a condiment. He’s impressed. 

Cody is literally sitting there in silence. Most awkward date ever I love it. 

Paul is having none of Christmas or Josh. 

TIME FOR THE ROSE CEREMONY I mean bracelet reveal 

First bracelet goes to.... Kevin ugh 

Next.... Raven 

Third.... Dominique

Fourth.... Mark

Fifth... Jason 

Sixth.... Jessica 

Seventh.... Ramses

Eighth... Elena 

Cody, Matt, Cameron, Megan, Christmas, Matt, Jillian, Alex are up for eviction and will compete to stay in the house 

COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME 

Tempted by the Fruit is the safety challenge. 3 will be on the chopping block and up for eviction at the end of this comp. 

They have to hang on to a trapeze. The last one standing will be safe from eviction. When they fall, they have to pick an apple. Some are good, some are bad. The 3 bad ones will land you on the block. Julie will reveal clues throughout the comp as to which apples are the good apples so it’s best to stay on longer. 

Jillian falls first... 

Megan falls next... 

Josh falls next because they got another clue and he thinks he can get a safe apple. Bro. 

Cameron jumps down next 

Christmas falls down 

Matt, Cody, and Alex are left hanging 

COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME 

Matt falls down after an hour and 12 minutes 

Cody and Alex will guarantee their safety 

Alex falls after an hour and 25 minutes 

Cody is SAFE 

Alex is SAFE 

Matt is SAFE 

Christmas is UP FOR EVICTION 

Cameron is UP FOR EVICTION 

Josh is SAFE 

Megan is SAFE 

Jillian is UP FOR EVICTION 

COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME 

The three noms are tempted by how they want their fate to be determined. Either by letting the house vote or take fate into their own hands and battle in a comp for safety. SHIT THIS IS GETTING INTENSE 

Jillian wants the VOTE 

Cameron wants the COMP

Christmas wants the VOTE 

There will be a vote 

Jason wants Christmas out. Cody isn’t impressed with Jillian. Cameron uses a striptease on Jessica and Elena but they seem unimpressed. A hairy butt isn’t the way to Elena’s heart. Now we know. 

Cameron is the first one to cry in the DR! I made the best first draft pick ever. Go me. 

COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME 

It’s time for the first eviction of the season... 

Paul will only vote in the event of a tie 

Jessica evicts.... 

Josh.... 

Okay well they aren’t showing who everyone is voting out. 

I guess the votes are in now.... 

Christmas is safe with only 2 votes to evict 

8 to 3... Cameron is evicted and has been Jodi’d/Glenn’d 

This is legit sad. This kid is a fan and it was his dream and he lasted only 12 hours while a vet takes his place. It sucks. I don’t like it at all. 

BB is back tomorrow night for the crowning of the first HOH and Sunday will the reveal of the next twist..... 

We get to choose one HG to enter the Den of Temptation. Once they get to go in, they cannot enter it again. They’ll be tempted with the Pendant of Protection. The person that gets this will get safety for the next three weeks. But of course it comes with some kind of consequence... 

Well..... that was A LOT. I’m still trying to process everything because there was so much happening tonight. Overall, it was entertaining. Very intense premiere episode and one of the better premieres in a while. Hate the fact a vet is back. Hate the fact that it’s Paul. Hate the fact that he took the spot of a newbie. But I think it’s going to be a fun season if tonight is any indication. Let me know your thoughts on the premiere! Comment below or tweet us @DuckballBB. 

Thanks for following along tonight! You’ll get to chat with the rest of the DB team as the season goes on. I’ll be tweeting all season @oubrandon14 about the episodes AND the live feeds! Follow me and tweet me your thoughts! Until next time..... 

[kalique]

MINE THOUGHTS ON BIG BROTHER

FAYSAL - definitely a jock type, can’t see him getting evicted first unless he pisses everyone off. he’s got a face that’s either “i’m the nicest guy in the house” or “i’m the new josh,” there is NO in between. his strategy for not letting anyone see he’s a physical powerhouse is going to kind of backfire because he’s SUCH a huge jock that i could tell he was a fucking jock from just his headshot, no freaking way anyone is going to think this guy isn’t a physical threat. 

SAM - nice “i want to see your manager” haircut, madam. she describes herself as “multifaceted, charming and charismatic,” and i can already tell i am going to hate this woman. and whomst in the fuck says their favorite big brother houseguest is DANIELE????? (i was trying to think of a worse choice, and i can only come up with like, either cody from last season, or the hantz cousin who got kicked off for trying to kill a guy, or maybe lawon from season 13 who volunteered to get evicted because he thought they’d bring him back with special powers, which did NOT happen.) and then this woman goes on to describe herself with all the positive adjectives she can pull from her thesaurus. she calls herself “extremely perceptive and intuitive,” and says she’ll “influence the other houseguests by means of gentle persuasion and manipulation. Another terrible talent of mine.” I HATE SAM ALREADY. she’s going to get kicked out on day 1 with this attitude. be humble sit down.

TYLER - haven’t we already had like, 50 curly blonde headed surfer guys on this show? what is the deal? anyway one of his descriptive words is “questionable.” he calls himself “questionable.” okay. he says victor, dan and zach (literally “fruit loop dingus” zach) are his favorite houseguests and i love you already, tyler. great choices. his strategy is playing both sides of the house, which isn’t even a strategy since literally everyone does it. his life motto is “do whatever the hell you want” and for something he’d like to bring into the house, he lists “quinoa.” I LOVE HIM ALREADY. I SUPPORT HIM. “QUINOA.” WHAT A LEGEND

BAYLEIGH - okay that is.... the most millennial name i ever heard. but like, it’s not a name that a millennial should have, it’s a name that a millennial would give their child. anyway. one of her descriptive words is “engulfing.” what does that mean, i guess we’ll find out. i like her face. sometimes you just like people’s faces. her favorite houseguest ever is donny, which i think is a clue that i was right that she’s a kind person. she has a kind face AND loves donny, she’s got to be nice (but maybe not too concerned with gameplay, since donny, bless his heart, was the biggest floater ever). her strategy is basically just a long-winded “be myself” kind of thing. i respect that. AND SHE LITERALLY SAYS “BE HUMBLE SIT DOWN” IN HER LIFE MOTTO, DO YOU FUCKING HEAR THAT SAM? i hope bayleigh roasts sam in cold blood and brings her down to earth!!!! okay, further evidence that she’s the nicest houseguest: she wants to bring her bible and yoga mat into the house. i love her. but still, i hope she turns mean and roasts sam. because i hate sam.

JC - here we have our token gay, but he’s clearly also a token bro at the same time. his favorite houseguest of all time is josh....... okay moving on. his strategy is “I am going to be the sweetest small guy that everyone would want to hug and kiss.” best strategy i ever heard in my life. seriously. this is how people win. except for josh, who won by being so insane that no one considered him a threat. which is why NO ONE SHOULD WANT TO EMULATE HIM, THIS STRATEGY ALMOST NEVER WORKS. anyway. enough about josh. returning to jc. not much to talk about with him, just that i definitely think he’s going to get far in the game because he doesn’t talk shit, he isn’t arrogant, he doesn’t look like a huge physical threat (although he’s a dancer so he might be), and his strategy is to be really nice to everyone, which is actually a great freaking strategy. i think he will go far.

HALEIGH - oh my god, first we had a “bayleigh” and now we have a “haleigh.” my god, these freaking millennials and their leigh names. facially, the moment i saw her i was like “she looks just like aaryn” which is..... hopefully not indicative of her personality or beliefs.... anyway, she loves her family, and her favorite houseguest is derrick because “he played an honest game,” yet in the very next paragraph she talks about wanting to deceive her fellow houseguests, so what is the truth? don’t know about her, don’t really have much to say. just that, she talks about being adopted and i hope to god she’s not aaryn’s separated at birth secret twin sister or anything. because that’s the kind of stunt big brother would pull on us commoners. 

STEVE - okay now we have our token old man, who will either get evicted immediately or float to the middle and then get betrayed. his favorite contestant is mike boogie. interesting choice. he literally doesn’t even have a strategy and his life motto is “rock on,” and i love him already. and of COURSE he was a cop, because is there a single token old man other than donny who isn’t a cop? wasn’t kevin a cop? i feel like kevin was a cop. or was that someone else? damn i don’t even remember. this guy looks like the kind of houseguest who will float around and not stir up any trouble, and frankly they’re my favorite to root for.

KAYCEE - her strategy is honesty and loyalty, she’ll probably get betrayed on day one. not to be cynical but really. she says that big brother is the only tv show she watches... damn. that could be a great asset for her; with no other shows competing for her memory, her knowledge of the game could be stronger than others who watch a lot of TV. and if she ONLY makes time for big brother and no other show, she’s probably the superest of superfans. she may be one to watch, or she may not. we will see.

WINSTON - damn this guy looks like a winston. he comments that he’s been living alone for 2 years, as though this will help him adjust to the isolation of the big brother house, but... it’s kind of the opposite? after living alone for 2 years, you’re going to be shoved in a house with over a dozen strangers and forced to interact with them all day every day while cameras watch you. i think this guy is going to have a bigger culture shock than he expects. his favorite houseguest is paul. i can see why people would love paul, he seems like the smartest guy in the room, but the reality is, paul isn’t that smart, he’s just been stuck in two consecutive seasons with a cast full of IDIOTS. winston apparently writes love letters to his dog everyday......... that’s dedication. also, he says that he’s been mistaken for two celebrities: ryan reynolds (i can see it) and justin timberlake (nope he’s tripping). somehow i get the feeling that he’s not going to adjust well to the house, and may end up being one of those guys that begs everyone to evict him because he can’t stand it.

RACHEL - first of all, her favorite houseguest is britney, which is the most valid possible answer. she sort of looks like natalie from idk how many season ago that dated james. strategy: to downplay being a physical threat and remain loyal to her original allies. dude, you gotta go with the flow, sometimes you just can’t stay loyal. i actually don’t even have that much to say. just, she looks okay. fine.

SCOTTIE - forgive me if i’m wrong but is this the token nerd, a la ian and steve? he says his least favorite part of the big brother house will be getting shook when he walks in a room and everyone stops talking because they were plotting something, and... that’s 100% something a superfan would say. his favorite player is evel dick, which would be valid if evel dick wasn’t literally an evil human being. he describes himself as a hungry shark and says that his strategy is to pick off the floaters and JESUS this guy is aggressive. also he is a virgin who has never been kissed and freely admits to this fact. somebody get this man a showmance. 

ANGIE “ROCKSTAR” - this season’s token eccentric with dyed hair, huge-ass harry potter glasses, and crazy eyes. one of her favorite activities is “dancing under the moonlight around a fire to fierce drum beats.” her favorite houseguests are joey (blue haired girl that got eliminated first like 3 seasons ago) and frankie. she wants to bring a statue of ganesh into the house. she mentions giving natural birth to all her children. i am just stating all this information. i am not going to give comment. just.... telling it like it is.

CHRIS “SWAGGY C” - please god, let this guy not be serious about his nickname, because i am not making reference to “swaggy c” for the rest of the summer. he LOVES paul and says that paul is better than every single other winner except a few, and..... i mean he’s not even wrong, but that’s more a statement about the quality of big brother rather than the quality of paul’s gameplay. when asked if he has a strategy, he says “of course” but doesn’t reveal it.... sneaky sneaky, i like the cut of his jib! he mentions wanting to bring a notebook into the house, but says he doesn’t even need it because he has a photographic memory. we’ll see about that, buster. he seems really confident and ready to play, and idk if that will work in his favor or not.

ANGELA - if katharine mcphee and sarah michelle gellar had a baby. she’s like, the 10th consecutive houseguest to say that the hardest thing about the house will be lack of social media. she seems to hate men, her favorite houseguest is rachel, she calls herself the networking queen, and she’s extremely athletic. this lady is either going to get eliminated immediately or make it to the end. i am calling it. i have a good feeling.

BRETT - has the weirdest descriptive words of any of them: “Vehement, riveting, and trophy.” wtf. like many other hgs, he plans to lie about his career for no discernible reason. whatever. he wants to bring a toothbrush into the house because he “doesn’t want the ladies to think he has stank breath.” you and every other competitor, bud. he also mentions hacking into other people’s computers for fun. okay edgelord. i don’t like this guy, i just have a bad vibe. i feel like he’s going to be one of the first eliminated cause no one will like him.

KAITLYN - suuuuuuper spiritual. crystals. mediums. seances. the whole shebang. production is probably gonna ask her to ramp it up to make herself look even more of a stereotype so everyone can laugh. i feel like she’s not gonna make it far and i already feel sorry for her.