#Mara and Karlach are out.... for more reasons than just the obvious “being cis women” part

[invinciblerodent]

with all the ""breeding"" oriented confessions and posts popping up on my dash [because that's apparently what you freaks (affectionate) are into], it doesn't escape my notice that out of literally ALL the character combos I've dreamed up in the past ten years, only like two are actually, physically capable of any form of reproduction, and there's only one (Harwen and Josephine) that I hc has, reproduced, once. They have one daughter, and that's it.

There's only one couple like that in this game, and that's a pair of idiots I honestly cannot picture ever actually wanting/having kids.

Going down the list and ruling out all the obvious plumbing issues (and vampirism) literally only leaves me with Petyr and Shadowheart, which..... my cringefail son should not be anyone's dad. That's the kind of emotional trauma that makes future DnD characters.

I mean, parents of the year right there: the reclusive woodsman who voluntarily exiled himself to the forest for being such a bitch, and the woman raised in an abusive cult with zero idea of what a parent-child relationship is even like. Oh, and their sometimes-boyfriend, the one sorta halfway mentally stable adult in the whole equation... whose entire presence in their life is that he just occasionally drops by for a threesome and breakfast, maybe a few days up to a tenday, and then dips out for another few months. (Yeah, here comes your Uncle Halsin, he's come to teach you about the forest and to fuck your dad while your mom watches. Just the thought has me snort-laughing.)

Dungeons and Dragons? Naaaah. It's Damage and Daddy Issues.