#NO. ITS MY MONTH. JUNE IS MY QUEER MONTH AND BDAY MONTH

[2slowgoers]

Ghosts of Christmases Past

Hi L,

I find that since it’s the end of the decade it’d be a good idea to write a tribute to all my fleeting memories of our friendship. Initially a challenge from you because you think I forget everything, I’ve used it as an exercise to remind me of why we’ve been able to become and stay so close in the relatively short 5, 6 years we’ve known each other. I realised that oftentimes it’s not the memory of our interaction but more so a feeling that stayed with me. Thus, the list you’ll see below is vague because I don’t really recalls details, but they’re there because they left a mark (I did use a few hints from my phone album). I’ll be writing this in chronological order from our first meeting to the last time we met in November

I’d love to hear if any of the things I write down are not in your memory or are remembered differently :) Memories are such a curious thing. 

-I think we were in front of LDC? But it was ISO and we were all getting to know each other and you complimented my fashion ;p I really appreciated it. I think at that time I had a pretty good impression of you and thought we might get along (I think I have a pretty accurate first impression of people for myself).

-I also remember me, TT, and ST visiting you in your dorm at Goodhue during spring term maybe? You said that T’s bf at the time had come to visit but I don’t remember that. I just remember you weren’t too happy then but I don’t remember why :\ maybe you were stressed from work?

-winter term after you came back from studying and trekking abroad, I remember feeling nervous messaging you about your trip. Somehow it felt like we didn’t get to talk too much about it during that first conversation, or at least it wasn’t fully positive. I think you’d opened up about the struggles of traveling alone as a woman and getting harassed then?

-feeling replaceable when you and T got close, wondering if y’all would have dated if you’d met earlier. Anyway we talked (I don’t even know how I managed to approach you about this lol), and you talked about being friends with couples in your past

-summer after second year, going to Monterey with your family and eating at the Italian bistro bc your dad loves Italian food

-you visiting me in Seattle that summer and getting high with R. We had lunch with some college mates and were planning to go out but instead y’all just napped all afternoon. That was annoying but funny still

-visiting you in Berlin that fall -- going to all those weird bars, and in the last bar this guy came to sit with us and you talked to him, telling him we were all in relationships and he fibbed that he also was in a relationship. Later you told me his breath stank lol (let’s not mention all the other wildness that night -- still traumatised by the racist heckling and the people openly having sex at KitKat)

-meeting up in Venice (it’s still one of my fondest places that we went to together), trying to find cheap aperitifs and drinking them in front of a church, and lamenting over how romantic everything was and how many couples there were everywhere

-you, TT and ST coming to visit me in Budapest and us going to ruin bars. We left early and I remember being woken up at like 4am to open the door for TT. Also walking around Margitsziget (the island), and going to the open-air thermal bath. Do you remember zipping around in a whirlpool with throngs of people in it? 

-me doing your hair in T’s room the following winter, with you sitting on a pile of newspapers on the ground. I think we were trying to dye your hair brown

-us cooking at your house with your hs friend H and then the garbage can set on fire (?!); I think you were trying to make carbonara that time but the eggs weren’t going great or something; it was also the first time I’d seen anyone microwave tomatoes

-you and V trying to eat her frozen coconut water from a box and using a knife to hack at it. I was so scared for your fingers

-us going to the career center training with a quarter of a watermelon and eating it with spoons. I loved eating watermelons like that and feel like I haven’t really eaten that way since :(

-our birthday picnic and going to Valley Scare -- do you remember being scared? I feel like most of the folks were freaked out by the clowns and I was trying to not exhibit any fear so the attention would get directed to everyone else

-that one group confession/conversation we had in our room where people brought up their insecurities and feeling left out; I later confided in you about my hesitance with everyone trying to uplift each other through their looks

-going tubing toward the end of the year with J and trying to blow up those damn tubes! You had to blow mine up eventually because I was running out of breath

-the next time going tubing with everyone and it being a mess! Definitely thought we were going to die a few times (there was one particular moment where some of us were trying to latch onto a tree but there were bugs on it, and behind us TT and someone else -- was it you? -- got stuck on a shallow pebbly area)

-during graduation, I pulled you and T together to introduce to my parents, purposely to pad their meeting with T. I was hoping also that your dad would get along w my dad but they barely talked :[ 

-visiting you and H with T in August! I remember paddle boarding with y’all (lots of fun), watching you all play games, and going to eat pizza and trying kombucha for the first time. That was a much needed break from my family then

-you and J coming to visit for my bday! We went to Ktown and sang karaoke and ate bbq (J said that while we were waiting in line some girl passed by and gave me a judging side-eye); watching the Parent Trap with you; us all sitting in the pool area and chatting (K and JN came with a cake! it was so good) about the future and all its unknown

-the two wonderful weeks in Taiwan :) the pace was good and I really appreciated having you show me your city (and also exploring new places with you). I remember waking up early and staring out your window as you snoozed next to me; your smelly dog and me not knowing how to pet him; going to the most beautiful little thermal spa (and taking advantage of our time there alone); going to night markets with you and of course getting my ears pierced :)); playing with super fluffy cats at the cat cafe; scoping cute stores and cafes at the artsy warehouse area; eating that nasty eel in Tainan; biking around in Tainan and then you getting bird poop on your scarf (!); the cute capsule hostel in Kenting; driving scooters around Kenting and being terrified of the wind. I’d love to do something like that again, with a nice pace to explore a place that’s less familiar to us both and maybe through a decolonized lens :)

-seeing you and J in the Bay Area after you moved there. We were taking all kinds of photos with different flowers in your neighborhood; going to First Friday in Oakland; eating at a cafe in Berkeley and spotting Nick Robinson even though you and J were sure I was mistaking him; us eating cioppino in that one seafood restaurant outside (I don’t think it was very impressive)

-you came back again in like October and we went to see A in the burbs. It was practically blizzarding and we tried to go to that one mall but ended up at a Mexican resto. I think we ended up going back to her place to play Life? 

-spending Christmas, another precious chill time :) painting ornaments; decorating the tree; you and that puzzle (which still lies on our floor); cooking everyday; watching Strong Girl; going to that comedy show with my cousin and walking back in the cold; going to see the Christmas lights and paying money to see a rather unimpressive “4d experience”; buying a butcher’s knife and you hacking away at some chicken bones happily because I was too scared to do it

-hiking in March was also fun! You chose a beautiful and lovely b&b. I remember exchanging music with you (lots of Spanish electropop); eating that overpriced hotpot; and taking a bunch of photos while waiting for pizza

-seeing you again in June (feeling claustrophobic; going to that strange queer fashion show), 

-August (going to see Yuna <3; that bike trip where you and T were going so fast; eating food at that little pagoda with our hodgepodge of food which was actually pretty good; having Thai temple brunch), 

-September (2x! Spending time with my sister and all the stress incurred on us both that came with it before and after; I really appreciated you being there for me; getting good vegan food and trying but failing to find a plan for M; and trying to find hotpot mix all over the store but it was right under our noses?? -- the 2nd trip you came to Chicago and we watched Hamilton!!) 

-and then November (going to see Mean Girls in NYC and you were waiting in line with that white saviour-seeming lady and the guy in the t-shirt; trying to meet each other’s friends; eating at Modern Love --still the most inspiring place I’ve eaten in 2019 aside from the Mexican Michelin place T and I went to for our anniv; walking around the park and you giving me a leaf for a bookmark which I actually kept for like a month)! 

So many times this year lol, often unexpected and last minute. I’m sure there are plenty other memories rolling around in the back of my mind but these are the ones I wanted to highlight. Although I don’t know when we’ll reunite next, I have no doubt we’ll continue to support and uphold each other no matter the distance and time. You’ve been such a funny, supportive, insightful, and passionate part of many of my best memories in these past few years. I don’t say it enough but I hope you recognise the influence you’ve had on my life and those of others. Thank you, and I love you <3

Onwards to 2020!

W (December 30, 2019)