#Nathan Loyd Ndungu

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Fear of Failure, Perfectionism, and the Prerequisites of Success

Overcoming a fear of failure is a prerequisite to people attaining their very best, in business and in life. When failure is forefront in one’s mind, the consequences of not succeeding take center stage. One becomes hesitant to engage in any action that holds significant risk, for fear they will once and for all have to give up the dream of that specific achievement.

At root, this fear is often related to perfectionism, as both tendencies reflect underlying issues such as being overly sensitive to criticism and having low self-esteem. Placing overly high standards on everything, perfectionists are often critical of their own behavior, as well as that of others. Striving to ensure that their work has no flaws, they avoid situations that leave them exposed to criticism. This constricts life’s options, as one lacks the will to fully spread one’s wings and fly.

Another aspect of the fear/perfectionism matrix involves battling through a sense that one is never good enough. Many people with these issues are constantly holding themselves to, and measuring themselves against unrealistic models, goals, and aspirations. When this takes a mild form, it can actually be an excellent motivator, keeping one working toward milestones, without being satisfied with the first draft or attempt. However, when such a way of thinking dominates, it can easily feed into anxiety and lead to a shutting off from experiences that one cannot master. Fear of failure in this case translates to procrastination and the failure to complete, or even attempt, challenging projects.

Beyond unrealistic expectations, fear of failure often has to do with having incomplete information, or not quite knowing what the exact steps are to achieving success. Being fixated on an overly broad goal, without understanding the details of what makes something work, can lead to frustration and giving up too soon.

One way of diminishing fear of failure is to embrace failure as a learning opportunity, for learning the nuts and bolts of what enables consistent progress. Even those success stories touted as “overnight” were often years in the making, and involved multiple moments when no headway was made and the person almost gave up. Gradually, through falling and learning how to get on one’s feet again, one gains a sense of balance, whatever winds are buffeting one’s external reality.

As a corollary to this, it’s best not to take failure personally, even if it impacts one’s personal life. When it comes to guiding the success of a project or organization, it’s key to realize that any successful organization is built on the efforts of many, not just a few. While taking responsibility is an important trait, that does not mean that one must bear the weight of an entire operation, or others’ mistakes, fully on one’s shoulders. Rather than being hyper-focused on an organization’s failure, and overestimating one’s role in the outcome, accentuate the positives that come from competing at a high level and use past failures as a stepping stone toward future growth.

One proponent of this view is Kenyan entrepreneur Nathan Loyd Ndungu, who in his book My Successful Failures proposes the idea that “sometimes we win and sometimes we learn.” He emphasizes the importance of “dark nights of the soul” in bringing people to their essential qualities, stripped of artifice or ego. From this bottom place, one is in a position to clearly reassess and pinpoint overarching goals and objectives that shape a journey that will provide progress, despite setbacks along the way.