#Nonir's Personal Flailing

[wanderingjotun]

I kind of want to do some sort of pop culture pagan zine, but I don’t know what that would look like, what to include, or if anyone else would be remotely interested... 

[wanderingjotun]

Sometimes I feel like the only spirit worker I know who isn’t constantly in some sort of drama/trauma/conflict with the entities in their lives. And this always does a weird number on my trust and belief and whatnot. Like if everyone else is having so many issues, am I just fooling myself in this peaceful little corner and using this as an imaginative escape? Or did I just get incredibly lucky? Who fucking knows? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[wanderingjotun]

An angry rhetorical question:

No, but really--what’s up with all the gender essentialism in paganism and how the hell do we get rid of it?

[wanderingjotun]

Holy crap, my book is available through Barnes and Noble.

I mean, I knew logically I would be, thanks to Createspace’s extended distribution options, but it’s still one thing to know and another to see.

[wanderingjotun]

Tomorrow, I get my first (and likely only) tattoo.

Tomorrow, I mark myself as an offical part of my spirit family, ready to shoulder my own burdens and duties.

Tomorrow, I take one more step toward living the way I want to instead of the way I've been told to live.

Tomorrow, I start a new chapter in my life with a physical reminder of how far I've come.

[wanderingjotun]

Gods damn it, I want more tattoos now. Who have I become?!

[wanderingjotun]

Tfw someone tries to be helpful by sharing a link to your Lokean content/kickstarter on a local Heathen Facebook page and the immediate response is several people posting "nope" and "wtf" gifs...

This is why I didn't post it there to begin with. ><

[wanderingjotun]

Having another one of those “wow, I really don’t fit in most of the neopagan/New Age mindsets” days. Trying to do some comparisons and sort of market research for a new product I’m planning out and realizing once again that a most stuff aimed at pagans is exceedingly woo and just...rubs me the wrong way. Which, I suppose, is good news for building a business at the crossroads of woo and practical--because I can’t possibly be the only person standing here, can I?

[wanderingjotun]

Logic brain: Don’t get a tattoo yet; you’ve only been contemplating it for three months. Give it time and don’t rush into it because, you know, it’s a permanent thing and this design is very much tied to a spirit you’ve technically only know for a little over a year.

The rest of my brain: Fuck that, I’m doing this ASAP because I love it, it’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted to actually have on my skin, it ties to my spirit family in general, and it’s a fabulous reminder that I can overcome my mental illness and my depression and anxiety don’t define me.

[wanderingjotun]

Me: *Sits down for literally two minutes.*

Cat: *Sprawls across hooman’s arms and promptly falls asleep.*

Me: ...Shit. I guess I’m stuck now.

[wanderingjotun]

I was looking for artists to schedule a consultation for my tattoo and I came across a woman who works in a shop really close to home and just had a new photo of a tatt she did: Loki’s name in runes across someone’s knuckles. Not entirely certain it’s a sign, but I felt like I needed to reach out to her, at least, so I called the shop. And this particular artist is the one who picked up.

The world is strange, y’all.

[wanderingjotun]

July 10th, this nerd is officially getting inked for the first time. I’m both excited and nervous af, especially since this is a huge step for me in actively claiming my independence and moving into the life I want to live. It only took 28 years. My bio parents are incredibly displeased with this decision, but my friends and spirit family are 100% behind me, which helps. And the fact that I keep looking down at my arm where it’s going to be and feeling like my skin is empty and missing something is kind of a huge thing. Just got to make it through the actual process.

[wanderingjotun]

Me: Yay! My temporary tattoos came in so I can test my design, and I shouldn’t see my parents until after it’s worn off so I don’t have to worry about them freaking out!

Mother: Hey, let’s go out for dinner tonight!

Me: Yeah, sure.

Me: ...

Me: ...Fuck.

[wanderingjotun]

Tfw you feel compelled to write something about the spirits in your life, but you have no idea what it is you're meant to write and you're on your phone at a friend's house waiting to finish podcast recording for the day.

 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

[wanderingjotun]

Had to leave DCC early because my stomach decided to revolt (which means I missed out on some interviews I really wanted to go to for my podcast, and the last panel I was supposed to moderate). :( But got a nap, and now I’m cuddling with the present I got for Hummingbird and listening to the rain and, once again, marveling at the bizarre world of Pop Culture Paganism I’ve found myself in. What even is life?

[wanderingjotun]

It's time for a fun game of Do I Genuinely Feel This Way Or Do I Feel This Way Because I'm Around My Family and Reverting to the Roles and Anxieties They Expect From Me?