#OH MY GOD HAPPY BIRTHDAY IAN ILY

[marrrowoflife]

the og jurassic park trio as incorrect quotes

Ellie, rushing into the room: It’s terrible, just terrible! I am so upset!

Alan: Ellie, honey, sit down! Sweetheart, tell us all about it. Ian, would you get Ellie some water?

Ian: What is she gonna do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say, “Thank God, the water’s here!”?

-

Ellie: You bought a taco?

Ian: Yes.

Ellie: From the same truck that hit Alan?!

Ian, with a mouthful of taco: Well, me starving ain't gonna help him.

-

Alan: Hey, do you know the password to Ellie’s computer?

Ian: Fuck you, Alan.

Alan: Hey!!

Ian: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouAlan".

Alan: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

-

Ian: But who gets which pencil?

Alan: Since they're my things, I get the good one, Ellie gets the broken one and you don't get one because fuck you.

-

Alan: You've been given a new job to do, but I'm worried it might make you angry.

Ian: Just say it quick, like ripping off a band-aid.

Alan: You have to teach Ellie how to drive.

Ian: ...put the band-aid back on.

-

Ian: They can't make me admit France exists, right? Legally, that's not allowed.

Ian: Sure, if France was REAL I'd say I liked it.

Ian: But who's to say.

Ellie: I think France isn't real.

Alan: Ellie, you've been to France.

Ellie: And???

-

Ian: I have locked Alan in a cage designed by his own art. Oh, he has been well and truly hoisted by his own petard.

Ellie: Could you put it another way? I didn’t understand a word of that.

Ian: I’m blackmailing him.

Ellie: Oh, happy days.

-

Alan: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Ian's birthday invitations.

Ellie: Well, what are they supposed to say?

Alan: "Ian's birthday".

Ellie: So, what do they say instead?

Alan: "Ian’s bi".

Ellie:

Ellie: Works out either way.

-

Ellie: Make no mistake. Not only am I party rocking, but I am also in the house tonight.

Ian: But are you shuffling?

Ellie: Everyday.

Alan: What language are you two speaking??

-

Ian: *sneaking in through his window*

Ellie: *turning in their chair and flicking the light one* You want to tell me where you've been all night?

Ian: I was with Alan?

Alan: *turning in his chair* Wanna try again?

-

Ian: Alan, what does IDK, ILY, and TTYL mean?

Alan: I don’t know, I love you, talk to you later.

Ian: Alright, I love you too, I'll ask Ellie.

Alan: Wait- Ian, no-

-

Ellie: I have so much energy, I want to run a marathon or commit a crime... which should I do?

Alan: Please don’t get arrested.

Ellie: No promises! <3

Ian: Why not both? Get creative!

Ellie: Wonderful suggestion, thank you.

Alan: Please don’t encourage her, Ian.

-

Ian: So... what’s goin’ on?

Ellie: You want the long version or the short version?

Ian, hesitantly: The short one, I guess?

Ellie: Shit’s fucked.

Ian: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.

-

Ian: The only straight I am is a straight-up badass.

-

Ellie: *talking about Ian’s funeral* You do know we’re burying a great person today!

Alan, shocked: Did someone else die?

-

Alan: So when are we gonna tell him?

Ellie: Just give him a minute.

Ian: *Pulling on a door that clearly says push.*

-

Ian: Alan-

Alan: *sighs* Ellie used to call me Alan...

Ian: ...Because it's your fucking name.