#incorrect quotes
incorrectbatfam · 3 days
Tim: NOTICE: due to a lack of cicadas so far this summer, I will climb the trees and scream in their absence.
Duke: You think you could replace them? You really think you would sound half as good?
Damian: How dare you stand where he once stood.
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Ghost: Y/N why is König intruding on our cuddle time? König: Y/N why is Ghost intruding on our cuddle time? Y/N, stressing out: Please, I have two hands!
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thebat-musicman · 1 day
Actually so grateful none of the batkids went to college because they would reveal their secret identities immediately at any job
Jason: English teacher
Student: mr todd im trying to write a book about the afterlife do you know-
Jason: listen kid the afterlife is boring, now it’s when you come back that everything starts to pick up
Student, internally: when?!
Dick: Physical therapist
Doctor: This patient broke all the bones in her hand.
Dick: Yeah that hurts a lot, but it gets easier the more it happens.
Doctor: ???
Tim: Astronomer
Astronomer: Wow you discovered a planet! What do you want to name it?
Tim, whispering: Batplanet
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mimisempai · 3 days
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The reason for their tardiness...
Incorrect Good Omens Quotes Masterpost Part 1 : here
Incorrect Good Omens Quotes Masterpost Part 2 : here
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cod-dump · 3 days
Laswell: The SAS does provide therapy for their soldiers… I’m sure you know that already
Price: … why are you looking at me like that?
Laswell, staring into his soul: No reason. None whatsoever
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Aemond: What are you looking for now, brother?
Aegon II: My will to live…
*Y/N walks by*
Aegon II: Found it!
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rogueddie · 2 days
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norakbubbles · 2 days
Sanji: I am 100% straight
Nami: Zoro, freshly showered, in nothing but a towel
Sanji: I am 90% straight
Robin: Law in his scrubs and no hat
Sanji: I am 80% straight
Usopp: Ace with fingerless gloves
Sanji: I am not straight
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ochi-does-art · 2 days
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saw this and was reminded of them
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a-morningstar-120 · 2 days
Anakin, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.
Ahsoka: But — that’s just a trash can.
Anakin: It sure is.
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sapphoherselz · 1 day
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head hurts thesis I hate you I have every single period symptom and I should be paid for my suffering I have no memories of having done these things all I know is that this is my second yk I get it now I'll go stare at the ceiling hard enough so I won't need medication to survive another night.........love you mwha
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incorrectbatfam · 2 days
Can we get the batfam working together on a cooking show?
[American cooking show]
Bruce: Alright, places everyone. Remember the game plan. We are gonna make this damn soup if it's the last thing we do.
*clock starts*
Dick: *sprints through the aisles with a rocket-powered cart*
Helena: *infiltrates the walk-in fridge with a laser pen*
Cass: *digs a fire pit with her bare hands*
Selina: *steals someone's spice rack*
Tim: *uses a GPS to track down carrots*
Duke: *scales a tower to rescue the onion trapped at the top*
Damian: *sets a snare trap for the tomatoes*
Steph: *has a Mexican standoff with the croutons*
Harper: *takes a chainsaw to a giant frozen stock cube*
Kate: *dodges artillery fire while rolling a cheese wheel*
Luke: *swims across a pond to get spoons*
Carrie: *launches a bowl across the station*
Barbara: Guys, I solved the mystery ingredient! It's chocolate!
Jason: *tackles another contestant*
Bette: *captures the other team's flag*
Bruce: Almost there! We just need garlic!
Cullen: *screams*
[meanwhile, on a British cooking show]
Alfred: *calmly puts cookies in the oven*
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MC to Sylus: Caleb taught me to think before I act.
MC: ...So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision.
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marsinoff · 3 days
Interviewer: Are you rivals? Max & Charles: We are no longer rivals. We are GAY.
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Price: Why is Simon crying? Y/N: He took a 'which Kortac member are you' quiz Price: And? Y/N: And he got König
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cod-dump · 1 day
Laswell: I’m signing you all up for therapy. No backing out
Price: Is it group therapy?
Laswell: Jonathan, do you honestly think there’s a therapist that could handle you and the boys’ combined trauma and quirks at once?
Price: … fair enough
Gaz: Probably for the best, I don’t think I’d be able to handle it either
Soap: Damn, I was wanting to hear some pricey drama
Price: Some WHAT??
Soap: Talk to Ghost
Ghost: HEY-
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