Based on @qcomicsy 's podcast AU because hello it is the most hilarious thing ever??
Dick, three Red Bull iced coffees in: You know who doesn't get enough recognition? As like, a bonafide rogue? Harvey. Or, Two-Face, whatever.
Jason, spitting Starbats and choking: DUDE. Absolutely.
Dick: That man put the fear of GOD in me. Listen, if you have an Italian dad? This is a safe space. It was so weird because like, -- when B couldn't put me in check, he used to, --
Jason: Call Harvey!
Dick: Call Harvey! And he'd come to the manor, sit me down, force me to do my homework. But it was fucking math, and he [laughs] he was like [imitating Harvey's voice] 'Doll, what the hell is THIS?'
Jason: Do you think they know we know? Cause it was kinda obvious. I mean, --
Dick: Boy best friends call eachother sweet pet names all the time, right?
Jason: Straight culture is raising 7 kids together as men and calling eachother 'babe'
Dick: Normalise being men and platonically married, [giggles] God, I hope they don't see this
Jason: I hope they do. I've had my best man speech ready since like, 12
Dick: Best man?! YOU?
Jason: Oh here we fucking go--
Clark: At 8:30 precisely, the frogs beyond the hills scream.
Clark: I didn't mean to make this so ominous. I meant literally at 8:30 every day from spring to autumn, frogs in the woods over yonder hills will yell in unison, usually for about 20 to 30 minutes.
Dick: That didn't really make it less ominous.
Arthur: Let me guess.
Arthur: you have a perfectly good explanation for … all of this?
Merlin: *begins to ramble off a perfectly terrible lie explanation that’s utter nonsense*
Arthur: (what the fuck is he even saying?)
Merlin: (what the fuck am I even saying?)
Tim: Why can’t I join the club?!
Danny: Sorry, only people who have a D starting their names can join.
Damian and Duke: *nods*
Tim: Then why is Cass in there?!
Danny: C is close to D and she’s cool.
Ghost: Soap is a great provider
Price: And what does he provide you with exactly?
Ghost as he watches a microwave blow up in Soap’s face, Soap just standing there like he’s in a cartoon: Amusement mostly
Tim: Alright, don’t panic, but an experiment of mine is loose in the Batcave.
Dick: What?! What did you release this time?
Damian: And why is Thomas hiding behind the couch?
Tim: Yeah, Duke, don’t be ridiculous.
Duke: You mean that the creature that escaped isn't harmful?
Tim: *Laughs* No. It’s just that hiding isn’t going to protect you. It will find you.
Dick: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
Duke: Several traffic violations.
Damian: Three counts of resisting arrest.
Tim: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.
Jason: Also, that’s not our car.
Enid: Hey Wednesday, do you love me?
Wednesday: What monstrosity have you done this time.
Enid: Nothing! Why do you always assume I did something when i ask you that? It's not like I accidentally wolfed out in your (our) favorite hoodie and now it's destroyed! Nu uh!
Wednesday: I g- yOU DID WHAT?!?
Soap, pointing: May I sit there?
Ghost: That’s my lap?
Soap: That doesn’t answer my question, Lt.