#Or am I just desperately grabbing for any representation I can get my Asian queer auDHD hands on? Possibly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[yourlocalfairygothparent]

Looking at you with my big autistic eyes

[bi-dazai]

15 yr olds on this site really go around totally unsuspicious of fictional media discussing gayness or including gay characters huh

idk about you but i was born in 2000 and my entire life i dealt with blatantly homophobic media (power puff girls is one example!) and intense queerbaiting coupled with homophobic plotlines (supernatural, the 100). i had to ferret around the internet desperately to find a shitty copy of a somewhat decent film involving gayness that wasnt something like philadelphia or debs or rocky horror. when i was struggling the most with coming to terms with my bisexuality was around the period of 2010-2015. during that time antibisexual sentiment was incredibly high (this was when the post-myspace backlash of bisexuality and the rise of mogai and pansexuality came about). every time a tv character was announced to be gay (extremely rarely) they were killed off or forced into homophobic plotlines and stereotypes within episodes. they were the butt of jokes, fandom and the world made fun of them to hell. our expectations for gay representation were extremely low, to the point that we were happy with the kill your gays trope because at least we got screentime. 

korrasami was the breaking point of all this. since then, the media has been much more inclusive and receptive to actual gay criticism and queer theory (as flawed as it is). a children’s show with a massive fanbase made their two female protagonists of colour bisexual and in a romantic relationship. this was huge. this is the best gay representation to date in children’s media. the backlash was still huge, and even more chose to ignore it and pretend it wasnt canon, despite the creators and writers specifying in interviews almost immediately that it was, and that nickelodeon had in fact forced them to cut a kiss scene.

but nothing has really changed. even if there is slightly more gay representation, even though our criticisms are now part of the public conscience, what has changed in western media really? gay representation is white and middle class and vague. it’s liberal, it never depicts any form of the community that is so important to gay film as an establishment, never depicts proper homophobia. it is safe and consumable for homophobes. it’s straight gayness. films such as love, simon and call me by my name depict sanitised, and even homophobic depictions of gayness. it’s hollywood gayness.

queerbaiting still exists - for example, the voltron reboot frequently hinted at lance’s bisexuality and keith’s gayness, constantly foreshadowing a romantic relationship (and yes, there is proof for this. analysing the show and looking at interviews from the time, as well as looking at the complaints about the showrunners from the writing staff in particular who specified that they did not allow the writers to plan a plot and anything that had the potential of upsetting their ratings and upstanding with dreamworks higher-ups were quickly cut - this makes it clear that something was going on there), constantly talking about it with fans, only to have this foreshadowing, the various promises to the community, fall away. shiro was revealed to be gay, a teaser trailer showed him with his boyfriend. in the actual series, the boyfriend got less than a minute of screentime and was killed immediately. shiro, an asian gay man, was made into torture porn. this is queerbaiting and a homophobic trope as well. 

ive seen this with innumerous shows as well. gay characters are introduced as a grab for a larger audience and free advertising via people discussing the show on the internet. 

so yes. on the surface, it seems that things have changed. younger people are being told that gay media is the norm, that we are living in good times, and they are being taught queer theory criticism of media via a hollywood and social media lens.

but beneath? nothing has changed. i still get twinges of fear when hollywood and netflix try to appeal to gay audiences. i still dont trust the representation they provide. i am still ferreting about the internet to find a copy of an independent film. i am still watching the same four gay films. 

it sounds strange when i say that i hate gay representation. but this is what i am referring to - hollywood representation, netflix representation. 

i have seen a strange gap in ages and response to gay representation in hollywood and netflix productions. young people who were born after about 2003/04 are the current main targets of most hollywood gay representation. korrasami became canon when they were just 10 years old. this cultural shift happened before they were old enough to truly realise what was happening. and with no one discussing just how big that cultural shift was and has been, there is no consideration for their own past that can take place within their own thoughts. it is normal for a tv show to have a gay character and so long as that character isnt killed off they’re happy. ive seen this sad trend of young teenagers consuming characters and representations of sexuality like this with total happiness. even some of the smartest, most media-critical kids ive ever met still engaged with love,simon with complete and utter praise. 

but to those born before, we grew up with something different. shows like the powerpuff girls had transphobic depictions. gayness was reserved for adult, latenight shows like the l-word. homophobic and transphobic punchlines were the norm. lesbian was ugly or a porn category. bisexual was unheard of - our flag was only designed in the very late 1990s. or we were whores. for a moment in the mid-2000s we were celebrated in teenage underground movements such as scene, punk, emo, etc. but by the early 2010s we were being named as affronts to the lgbt community (once again). transgenderness was completely reviled (still is). we were queerbaited and slandered and hated by hollywood

ten years later we are said to be “welcomed” in media. but i feel no difference. i am still suspicious and bitter and disappointed and disgusted. i dont feel welcomed nor celebrated. i still feel disgusted with myself and i still feel hollow and hated - because i am. we are. hollywood is not your friend. it never has been. representation is a cash grab.