#Orthgut

[spiritbrosonthispartytrain]

THAT’S A LOTTA BOYS

[spiritbrosonthispartytrain]

Orthgut learns about vegetables

[spiritbrosonthispartytrain]

#when u infodump about ur latest hyperfixation to ur friend

[spiritbrosonthispartytrain]

Orthgut is actually very tall. His posture’s just real bad. Guritz isn’t short by any means but still suffers from a slight Napoleon complex.

(as per usual I’ve been sitting on a whole bunch of random one-off things I’ll never do anything with so I might as well post ‘em)

[spiritbrosonthispartytrain]

the idea of Orthgut being 1) an EXTREME omnivore and 2) having Very Strong Opinions on what is and is not meat is v funny to me. Rules for being “meat”: has to have been alive/sentient. you should be able to “chunk it raw”. as in cut it up into chunks without cooking it first. fish is meat. bugs ain’t. lobster is up for debate because orthgut has no idea what a lobster is.

:))))) lifted some quotes from Trail to Oregon bc they fit way too perfectly

[spiritbrosonthispartytrain]

hi hello would you like 1 smarmy lookin orc in (what was formerly) a snazzy lookin outfit? of COURSE you do.

[spiritbrosonthispartytrain]

Orthgut’s preferred method of getting Burz’s attention is to jump up on him Scooby Doo-style. Burz only barely tolerates this behavior.

[spiritbrosonthispartytrain]

Question: What is a “hobbit”? Orthgut says: Er… a hobbit… Let’s see… A hobbit’s ‘bout the size’r a tark whelp. Maybe smaller, but THAT’s so’s they kin lure ya’ inter a false sense of security. They got BIG pointy ears and even bigger feet, and covered toe ter tip in hair. Hobbits live in holes in the ground- nasty, dirty, wet holes, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, and nothin’ ta eat, which makes ‘em frothin’ at the mouth MAD for raw flesh. They come up outta’ the holes ta hunt, and they’re deadly silent. Y’know the reason ain’t nobody seen one before is ‘cause once you do, it’s TOO LATE. Oh-ho… Don’t even get me started on what they do for sport… y’see they got this game called “Gulf”… (Orthgut has gotten all of his information about hobbits through the world’s worst game of telephone and is TERRIFIED of them. Included is his depiction of a hobbit “on the hunt” for orc meat, which he says is their favorite food.)

[spiritbrosonthispartytrain]

Dirty deeds done dirt cheap!

[spiritbrosonthispartytrain]

in this house we stan 1 (one) feral orc