#Plus I'm writing this specifically for acespecs arospecs and are allies

[forgottendance]

Some scary aphobic rhetoric to debrief

So, I argued with some aphobes last night. Not particularly intensely, it was pretty tiny, but I do want to go over what happened/what I woke up to because I think the tactic these people used to silence me is particularly terrifying and I want to make sure other acespecs and arospecs know exactly how Wrong these people are. 

I also want to encourage everyone to consider who should be engaging with such people and how. Personally, I believe these people have been given too much fuel. As long as we keep talking at them, they keep finding ways to manipulate our words and spout their hate. This is particularly damagingto those of us who are acespec and arospec! Allo folks, how can you protect us while challenging this? Acespec and arospec folks, let’s protect ourselves and each other before engaging with such harmful people. 

So, what happened?

Someone made an incredibly valid post to point out that straight trans people existed and were lgbt. They then reblogged their own post to clarify that this didn’t include “people who don’t have sex”.  Either this person really means “people who don’t have sex”, which implies that sexual behavior is a condition for being lgbt, which not only negates acespecs that don’t have sex, but any sex-repulsed lgbt person, anybody lgbt person who may choose not to have sex, including those who do it for religious reasons and some survivors of sexual abuse, and even people who just happen to not be having sex at the moment for one reason or another... More likely, this person is using this to mean “asexuals”, which shows a huge lack of understanding of what asexuality is. Personally, I believe that if someone can’t even used the correct word, or define it properly, they’re not really knowledgeable enough on the subject to make an informed opinion and should probably do some more research before making such comments. Most importantly, this was absolutely unnecessary to add. They had made their point that this was about straight trans people in the beginning. The only reason they had to include a crude, misinformed reference to ace people was to attack. It was an active attempt to exclude acespecs from the conversation, despite the fact that we hadn’t been in the conversation to begin with. Basically, this person dragged us into a conversation just so they could say “no, not you”. 

We went back and forth twice, I didn’t want to escalate or fall into the path of justifying (which gives strength to aphobes’ arguments), so I simply made it clear where I stood on the matter, particularly for any a-spec person following me, and then went to bed. This morning, I woke up to responses from a new person and from one of the aphobes I was interacting with last night claiming that I had derailed a conversation about trans people.

This is FUCKING CREEPY.  First point, I want to make this very clear, the conversation was derailed the minute OP dragged acespecs into this. I was not the one derailing, I was challenging aphobic rhetoric as it appeared on my dash. This conversation was derailed and causing harm long before I touched it. 

Second point, it’s really easy to believe someone when they says something like this. We all want to be better people, we want to learn how to listen to all sorts of trans people, we want to not derail conversations. Except, when someone says something aphobic on a post specifically about trans people and then claims that any argument against their aphobia is derailing the conversation about trans people, they are not only ignoring the fact that they were the one to derail, they are abusing a true desire to support trans people. They have turned transness into a manipulative get-out-of-jail free card. My transness does not exist to help aphobes avoid arguments, and neither does anyone else’s. 

Third point, acespec and aropec trans people exist! And we are deeply harmed by posts like this, which basically tell us that only certain parts of our identity are legitimate. To challenge an aroace trans person for challenging a post that directly harms them increases this harm. All I can say is that these folks are lucky that I’m not a straight aro trans person or a straight ace trans person, because that would have caused even more harm. 

So, fellow acespecs and arospecs, I would like to encourage you to think critically when an aphobe acuses you of transphobia or of derailing a conversation and making it about you. Yes, sometimes we do that, we aren’t perfect people, but it appears that aphobes are trying to gaslight us into thinking we’re doing it when we aren’t. Always ask yourself - why do I feel the need to challenge this comment? Why are a-spec identities important in this conversation? Who am I showing my love for when I add my voice? What am I trying to say? Am I saying it? Is this an effective and appropriate way to say it? You may find that the aphobes have you doubting yourself more than you think.

And allos! Especially trans allos! Please consider context when you reblog something. It doesn’t matter how good a post is about trans people, if it’s made by an aphobe, it doesn’t support trans people because some trans people are ace and/or aro. And, if you see a positive trans post that is actively excluding a-specs, don’t be surprised when we respond to us. We were dragged into the conversation against our will.