#SO I just went ahead and found online the wildest shit I could based on what I was curious about

[miraculousturtle]

dealership stories

SO TODAY IS PART GOOD NEWS AND PART DEALERSHIP STORY FUCKERY. LIKE. I CANNOT. CAN. NOT. WITH TODAY.

it’s like god woke up today and went: hmmmm. ana has been a good human kinda. time to shake her day up. SHAKE HER DAY UP. I MAKE IT SO.

Where to start? Let’s just make a shit sandwhich and begin with some dealership fuckery. 

(BUT THIS STORY ENDS ON THE MOST WILDEST OF RIDES I PROMISE UNDER THE CUT)

So. This customer has this car that’s totally messed up. like on the way over for her appointment on friday, the car died and had to be towed in because the BATTERY HAD NO JUICE BECAUSE THE CAR IS THAT SHITTY AND THE OWNER DOESN’T DRIVE IT.

 well, that’s fine. we charge that sucker up, do the airbag recall, and i’m trying to sell them brakes. brakes are an awesome upsell. i like that upsell. 

THEY WANT THE BRAKES BUT THEY ARE LIKE “wait, i need to get my car smogged.” 

“omg, sir, we do smog here. let me do for it for you.” 

i shouldn’t have said anything. i knew the car was fucked up. the key barely works in the tumbler. you have wiggle it around and it’s a nightmare. 

but i did and they were like GREAT so here i go, to take it down the smog guy and the key doesn’t work right. had to get the tech wiggle it around for me because i lack the touch.

tried to roll down the front window. it rolls down but doesn’t come up unless you pull it up with your hands. several times. 

the pass side window doesn’t roll down either

did i mention that it has no rear brakes? it has 1mm for rear brakes. no one should be driving that car lmao 

find the smog guy and he’s like -_-

“give it it to the porter so he can drive it around to get everything up and running so i can do the smog”

i prepare my porter for battle. i warn him that this car is deathtrap and it might not have A/C. he dons his armor

a few hours later i call the smog guy because i haven’t had any updates

he finally picks up and is like “this car is a piece of shit, but i can’t run codes because the porter couldn’t drive it enough because it kept stalling. so we’re gonna try again.” 

MIRACULOUSLY. MIRACULOUSLY. 

the car passes smog despite it’s on its last legs

I PASSED THE FIRST EXAM FOR LA COUNTY

last week i study super hard for this test

the test is super easy

now i finally get to take the hard test and if i pass and do well on this next test, i get to go to the group interview

this job pays like min $62K min

all you need is a master’s degree

I…I have a master’s degree

like seriously, i’m perfect. pls pay me lots of money to do things i can already do and that’s like somehow applicable to my studies???

THE ULTIMATE DEALERSHIP FUCKERY HAPPENED. OVER THE STUPIDEST THING AND A LADY IS TRYING TO SAY SHE’S GOING TO CALL THE STATE ON ME BECAUSE SHE THINGS I PUT EXTRA CHARGES ON HER TICKET

backstory: my supervisor told me not to let that woman come. to not let her show up. to not schedule her an appointment. but did i listen?

no

i did not

anytime this woman comes she passes out flyers for her music classes which is super awkward 

and tries to use coupons from other dealerships that we can’t use because they literally say to be only used at THAT DEALERSHIP

she will then call everyone up and down southern california trying to price match and we’re like

dude

we’re still going to charge you this much

and she still comes back. it’s awful.

well, today i forgot it was here and everything was going well

she signed for her estimate for $69.95 for her full synthetic oil change and tire rotation. the same price we always charge and ADVERTISE SINCE FOREVER

everything is fine until i read her the total. $77.89 because of taxes and the oil disposal fee.

YOU KNOW TAXES. AND RECYCLING FEES. THE SAME THINGS SHE HAS BEEN PAYING FOR SINCE SHE’S HAD A CAR FOR MORE THAN MY LIFETIME. 

she looks at me asks why i didn’t quote her that in the first place and I was like “ma’am I can’t quote you taxes. i quote you our service. it’s 69.95″

“you’re breaking the law by misquoting me.”

“ma’am i did not misquote you. by law, i can’t quote you the taxes.” 

SHE THEN PROCEEDS TO TELL ME SHE’S GOING TO CALL THE STATE ON ME AND HER BROTHER IS AN MECHANIC FOR AUTO REPAIR SHOPS WHO INVESTIGATES THESE THINGS

(that’s a lie. B.A.R. (bureau of automotive repairs) have their own auditors who do this work…not mechanics.) 

I tell her to go ahead. please contact the state. by all means.

She glares at me and signs her paperwork. 

THEN BITCH SIGNS BY HER NAME THAT and i quote “I was told this was going to be $69) 

OH MY GOD I WAS SEETHING RED. SEETHING RED.

i felt bad because i was so mad i wasn’t as wonderful as I usually am to my next customer :( 

THE WILDEST ROLLER COASTER IS ABOUT TO START. LIKE FRIENDS. FRIENDS. FRIENDSSSSS. I kinda accepted a new job?!?!?!

so a few weeks ago, i joined ziprecruiter. 10/10. my resume has never had so many views until recently and the mobile apply is such an awesome feature. IT’S SO GOOD.

i vaguely remember selecting the option to have them send my resume out to other people and they did

enter smartrecruiters. so this company finds me and tells me they want to do an online interview

i got one of these messages last week but it was so weird that they didn’t tell me who they were so it felt like scam

THIS ONE ACTUALLY PUT THE COMPANY THEY WERE AND I WAS LIKE?? Okay. why not.

they’re global. have a lot of locations. have a wikipage. and have been around since 1859. seems legit. they’re opening up an LA office next month so this could be exciting. i want to move to LA.

So i set up the interview for my lunch hour

it’s kinda weird? the interview because it’s all chat base and I’m doing it on my phone at farmer’s boy but I’m answering the questions a bit more the direct side because i’m just typing on my phone.

the interview finishes and i’m like well–this was a great learning experience! and i learned about how I would respond. 

she says she’s impressed and that she will speak to her supervisors and will be back to me in 15-20 mins. to please wait kindly by my device were her words

so i wait. 

an hour goes by

i’m like fuck i guess i didn’t get it. the pay would have been sweet. just a little over 48K per year. damn. maybe on an industry i wanted, but doing a role a like. admin assistant.

I THEN GET A MESSAGE SAYING WOULD I LIKE TO HEAR WHAT THEY DECIDED?!

she sends a cute little emoji

I GOT THE JOB. 

 there are great benefits. training. pay???? THINGS. I GOT THE JOB????? AND IT PAYS ALMOST 50K A YEAR?!?!

i’m just waiting on my formal offer and once I have that, I will put in my two weeks notice. 

Like

wow

i’m really adulting right now. this is insane. INSANE.

BONUS: I found in my spam folder an invite to set up an phone interview with LA City of Commerce. Like did the universe decide it wants me today????