#SO WE LEARN NOTHIBG

[frog-0n-a-l0g]

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I have to submit a STUPID idea and 2 STUPID critical thinking questions to this STUPID gt teacher WHO WONT HELP ME for this STUPID gt class that was due 2 FUCKING DAYS AGO fo a STUPID gt project. God how do I have straight A’s w how much I procrastinate

[sandsandtheirfanboys]

Days 6 & 7

(Because I forgot)

I've decided to combine both prompts from the monthly challenges I reblogged, so there will be quite a bit of things I will be answering this time. The other focuses a lot on what one experiences with autism, and I'm tryibg to learn more about what parts of me are autistic-driven and what parts of me are separate from that so I thought itd be good to delve into that a bit.

Day 6 is about support and acceptance, so I thought I'd share what acceptance and support looks like to me.

Support is being there for someone when they are having a difficult time. Neurotypical people can't fully understand what we are experiencing, but they can reach out to understand or adopt empathy to support what we are going through. I think the toughest building block for older guardians is the perception that neurodivergents are like little kids who don't grow up, and this isn't true.

I know for me I didn't mature until later in life but I was precocious as a kid in other ways. Even now I still see myself as young at heart and reluctant to act like a stereotypical teen or college student, but there's nothibg wrong with how I choose to live my life. Being able to hold onto child-like qualities is a very honorable thing because it allows you to see the world as precious just like when you were just a kid innocent to certain atrocities. It allows me to see not only the injustices but also the kindness and the beauty of this diverse and complex world.

Support can be as simple as asking how you are feeling today to as intimate as letting us have our quiet time we need to recharge. With this support automatically comes acceptance, which I believe is the empathetic willingness to let us be ourselves. We need a break? That's fine! You don't want to wear this? I will donate it, then. This is too overwhelming? Then I won't ask you to cone with me to this event anymore I just wanted to try it. That sort of thing.

In my experience, it is difficult for me to express to my mom why and how I have to have things a certain way especially because I only recently ubderstand why. But I've foubd that now that she's accepted that I am an adult now and am in charge of myself, I am free to make my own decisions and do whatever I want so that has helped me

Day 7 is about community

I've only recently decided to join the neurodivergent community, as I've only recently learned about my aspergers but I have been following some autistic blogs and I am trying my best now to interact with fellow autistics. The strange but amazing thing I have noticed with autistics is our powerful need to share our joy we feel at being autistic, and I've noticed this in myself. I don't know why it makes me so happy--maybe because I've been confused about myself all my life and everything suddenly makes sense now--but I really have to try to stop myself from yelling it out loud at school or putting up posters for Autism Month because it just makes me so enthusiastic. I guess because I want others to have the same feeling I had when I discovered my identity.

The community on Tumblr is really nice, and I hope to be a part of it. There is an autism school nearby my college and I was thinking of maybe being a tutor there after I graduate. I'm still introverted so it is difficult for me to get out there, but now that I know how to take care of myself if I get stressed or overworked, I feel more comfortable to get out and do more school activities and hobbies. So I'm trying my best everyday.

[serenbiqity]

A day wasted is a day gone. This is all I've learned from wanting to stay home and rest after feeling so tired and emotionally drained- I cause myself this?

I skipped uni and work, but it doesn't feel better to do so. All I've learned is it feels better to do the things you had planned to do, even if it's tiring. You have to keep going. If not, there is a sense of nothingness and unfulfilness thst it's hard to forgive yourself for, but necessary. You must forgive yourself for every time you try and fail, for every time you think a decision will be better for you but it isn't.. maybe sometimes it's just best to wait for the best to come. It's okay, forgive yourself and try again. Tomorrow. A new day full of opportunities and new Windows. You're not behind on anything, you're on track and doing good work. Everyone loves you. Do you? Well, some days are better than others.. some days it feels everything is personal, but it really isn't. When Abi said if I wasn't a lovely person then she'd hate me she didn't mean it and I know it was a jokr although it was hard to take because she hit something I struggle with, my trouble in making decisions (deciding wether to take one path to go to Tesco or not) annoyed her and that's what made her comment. But i know it's not intended as bad, it's just to do with her. She a better decision maker than I am and when people around her don't make decisions fast (or walk fast) she'll get annoyed. There's nothing wrong with me. But it just made me think about my journey on learning how to make decisions quicker and be more assertive in life.

With Iain, I don't know why I get so overwhelmed with what he does or doesn't... yesterday night he came home from work at midnight, and before that I relaxed and meditated and I felt a lot more relaxed and even felt asleep.. then woke up to go to the toilet, went back to bed and I heard him come home... I told him when he came back to come kiss or hug me goodnight, so he did.. that was nice because I feel it's a way of showing care and love despite busy days and different schedules, that you love one another and you wish them goodnight.. (the same goes to goodmorning kisses and everytime you see them after a while, I've always been educated to kiss the people who are close to you as a way that shows affection, as way to say hello I'm here it's nice to see you again... sometimes it hurts me if we don't do it, I usually wait for him to do so but when he doesn't I feel hurt and do the same... i guess if i have that desire i should do it whenever i feel like and not grow cold or feel bitter about it because that way he might learn naturally that that is something really important for me...

Iain is not cold... he's really affectionate and I know that... But sometimes we may be in different wave lengths, and he has worries different than mine, too.. I know that doesn't mean he loves me any less or cares for me any less... I don't know why but sometimes affection is really important for me, some days more than others... So if I keep doing it I guess, it's just the way to go... and I know he'll always return... )

Back to him leaving... as soon as he said he wanted to go to Phoebes to drop the mic off I understood but I felt a restless and I started wondering how long he was going to take and how late it was... because I know Iain and I know how close they are, they're friends and usually friends invite you to come over and just talk for a bit, specially it was her bday and I forgot that at that point...

So I was prepared for that but it made me feel annoyed because my negative thinking starting telling me thoughts like after a day at work all he wants is to go chill around Phoebes, he doesn't want to be near me, just wants to escape, when I know nothibg of this is true and although it might be true thst he enjoys Phoebes company and thst he may want to see her I shouldn't take it personally but given the time of the day it still confused me and it was hard not to take it personal and just see him leave again, just laying on bed in the dark thinking what he was doing, because I was lonely and he wasn't. And he knew I was lonely but he was still there. I know these thoughts don't occur to him, and it should be fine if I was a less complicated person. I should have just fallen asleep again but I couldn't. i asked him to wake me up for a goodnight kiss but then he leaves to be with his friend and I feel confused and less important. It made me feel like just because I was tired and wanted to sleep , he wanted to get away because what I was doing was boring and going around Phoebes was a lot more fun. I know he also needed to drop the mic off so he could lie in. I know he was exhausted so me becoming overwhelmed and freaking out again may have annoyed him and made him angry. I get it. You can only take so much and you can only have so much patience. And yet, I hoped thst even after that he'd still forgive, or understand and love me. Which I know he does, but these things happen so often.... our love must be really strong to overcome, because we've tackled these issues a lot, and although I acknowledge how much we've both wanted and tried to make it work , there's always the fear of my reaction to what he's doing next. And I haven't been able to pin down how to deal with thus because everytime is a different situation and yet it is the same thing, I guess.

Being with his friends has been a good thing because it has made me realise better who his friends are and the relationship dynamics. It's good to be there to also feel welcome and accepted in his environment with his friends.. but even though I've had the chance to do thus more often, this still happened . But each step is a step taken and I feel closer to growing everyday