#SUDDENLY VERY AWARE THAT IVE NEVER TALKED ABOUT LITERALLY ANY OF THESE OCS UNTIL RIGHT NOW SO. IGNORE ME <3

[rosykims]

ive had her for 3 days and shes already confirmed my sexiest cuntiest girlbossiest oc to date. oh my god

[soulsxng--a]

hi, i hope you don’t mind getting an ask like this, but ive been in the process of making an oc that has mpd and from what ive seen in research its the same as did? and i was hoping since you have it that you might be able to tell me things to keep in mind to make it more accurate? sorry if its too personal i totally understand if it is!

I’m going to put this one under a read more just because it is pretty personal, and while I don’t mind sharing it too much, (and I’m actually really glad you asked and have been doing your research!) I know there are some people that follow me that don’t really care for posts like this, and I don’t want to clutter people’s dashes with this really long thing (I’m not kidding, it’s really long). I’m pretty much just going to give you my whole 8 years of experience with it. ^^;;

Okay, so as far as I know, Multiple Personality Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder is the same thing now. When I was first diagnosed, they were two separate conditions, with DID being people with 2 distinct “personality states”, they called them, and MPD being people that had 3 or more distinct “personality states”. Like I said, I’m pretty sure they just merged the two, and they’re pretty interchangeable now.

Anyway, I was first diagnosed in 2010, but have never been on meds for it because nobody believed me or my psychologist when we talked about it. Almost everybody I knew thought that I was just being difficult and rebellious and didn’t want to own up to my actions. So eventually, I just agreed with them and have been hiding it from pretty much everybody but my fiance and a very small handful of people outside of that. 

Because of this, I also declined any medication and stopped seeing a psychologist completely. Which means that even though most cases of DID can be pretty different and present different symptoms and such, mine has never been treated, so it can be even less like the majority of people with the condition.

My secondary personality state, or alter, because I’m lazy and don’t want to say (or type) that every time I talk about it is named Rey. He showed up as a result of something traumatic that happened when I was 15 (and I’m not going into specifics because that’s not what you asked about) and he showed up violently, though not all of them do. What I will say about the traumatic experience is that it wasn’t just some little thing, and though it wasn’t as serious as it could have been, it was also happening during a really tough time in my life, and things just kept piling up, and then that happened and bam, there he was. 

So it takes a lot of stuff to happen before the mind is suddenly like “Wait, I can’t handle this, but I need to do something!” and creates an alter, or alters. It also usually happens to people when they’re young. I was 15, and my psychologist said that even then it’s really rare for it to appear that late. For a while, that kept her from diagnosing me because she was like “I just want to make sure that it isn’t something else because you’re older than the usual age group.”

For like 6 months after that, I had little to no idea when he was “in control”. I would just start to get a headache in class or at home and then it was like I would blink and all of a sudden I was somewhere else. People would mention something that I did or said (usually bad) and I would have no clue what they were talking about. 

After a few months though, I started to notice that I would start to get these headaches when I was experiencing (or about to experience) negative emotions, particularly anger or fear, or extreme stress or depression. They were always on the right side of my head near my temple, and shortly after they started was when I would “wake up” somewhere else.

So I convinced my mom to make a psychology appointment for me and she (begrudgingly) agreed. Shortly after that I was diagnosed and I started to get a little better about noticing when Rey was “awake” or when he was about to take control. I also didn’t lose time so much anymore, but I started having “out of body” experience type stuff, like I was pretty much watching somebody else live my life for me? It was really scary for a long time, especially since he was always mean and violent and I hated the thought that people might think that I was actually that way.

I also tried that thing that happens in TV shows and books and stuff all the time and wrote notes to him a few times? It worked sometimes, but mostly he just ignored it. I suppose it could work with an alter that’s less…difficult?

For the past 8 years he’s been around, I’ve pretty much had to figure out his triggers, and I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten them all by now. Experiencing negative emotion, (though now it has to be far more extreme than it used to) someone else touching my right temple or touching/getting close to touching the space between my eyes, anything having to do with the trauma that made him show up, extreme pain, exhaustion or sickness, driving longer than an hour, surprising/sneaking up on me, (though he doesn’t auto-punch people for sneaking up on me anymore; a change that had only happened in the last year or two) hurting or upsetting my loved ones, (that’s his fastest and longest lasting trigger) and sometimes thunderstorms will, too.

Rey started out as an asshole and treated literally anybody that wasn’t a loved one like absolute shit until he’d been around like 3 or so years? Now he’s capable of being civil, but he’s still cold. So I mean, I guess that an alter can change and “grow-up”, so to speak like regular people do. 

My fiance is the only person he’ll talk to regularly, (and the only person he’s nice to consistently) so I’ve learned a lot about him since being with her. Like the fact that he’s aware that he’s an alter, why he’s around, and that I’m around, and he always has been. He also says that he’s around to protect us, and that’s why he acts the way he does. He has periods like I do where he feels like a backseat driver; watching me in control, (both of us call it him being “awake”) ones where he doesn’t see anything (”asleep”), and in control (”active”) and he’s pretty much in control of all of it? Pretty much, he’s a regular person, he just doesn’t have his own body.

Which brings me to the next topic, which is things to avoid. These are things that people have done (or still do) or say that always always always put me in a bad mood. First off, people telling me that he’s not real. People used to tell me all the time that he wasn’t real. That he was like an “imaginary friend” or that I was faking it for attention, or whatever, some of them even going so far as to getting angry at me when I told them that I wasn’t lying or faking it. That made the condition way worse.

Second, people thinking that he’s like some cute little thing that they can “fix” and be best friends with and TRY TO TRIGGER whenever they please because “No, no, he won’t hurt me, it’s fine! Seriously!” (or worse yet, they would treat him like he was some kind of kink for them to get off on.)

It’s not fine. That used to be one of the quickest ways to get him to come out seething. That still happens a lot, but both of us mostly ignore it at this point. It’ll happen to your OC if they decide to tell people, I can almost assure you of it, and I’m not going to tell you how to write your character, but please, try not to just turn them into “that cute little thing that can be fixed as soon as someone is nice to them” because that’s not at all how it is.

Third, if your muse has it on their medical records, there are jobs out there that can see that they’re “mentally unstable” and will not hire them, or will fire them if it’s found out about. Especially if it’s untreated. Luckily, it isn’t on my medical records because I stopped seeing the psychologist before it was officially put on any of my health charts, but that can also be dangerous, because if your OC’s alter just randomly pops up at work, that can be a HUGE liability.

Fourth is that there’s no set schedule to when they come and go. Like I said, he pretty much does what he wants, but that doesn’t mean I always just let him. Though I couldn’t at all first, now I can usually take control back from him if I want to, but it isn’t a very easy thing? It causes a lot of migraines, or sometimes even nausea and dizziness. He can also take control from me if he wants to, and that hurts like hell when he’s really trying to come out if I’m holding him back.

There was one time I even passed out because he wanted control so badly, and I kept trying to keep him under. (he was going to hurt someone that I really didn’t want him to)

So pretty much, there will be conversations that I’ll be in the middle of, and then he’ll get active and just turn and walk off, or start talking about something else, and the same will happen with him when I push him back. 

One thing that also always gets on my nerves (and his) is that there are plenty of times where it feels like there are certain emotions that I can’t feel anymore because as soon as I feel them, he comes out. Like it used to be that I felt like I couldn’t feel anger. (which seems like a good thing, but after a while it’s really irritating) Anger was Rey’s, not mine. And he used to feel like love or pride wasn’t something that he could experience, because it was mine.

It’s a struggle. Not as much now as it used to be, but it is literally a constant struggle that I have to be aware of all the time if I want to keep him under control. I know this is a lot to throw at you, and some of it might not make a lot of sense, or might just be babbling on my part, but it’s stuff that I deal with or dealt with on a daily basis for 8 years now, so…idk. This is just my perspective of it.

I’m also going to add that my fiance went to college for psychology and says that I’m not at all an “average” case of the disorder. Usually people have a lot less control over their alters than I have over Rey. She says she believes that part of it is because he’s been around for so long, probably mostly because we’re so aware of each other, and a tiny part because he’s the only alter? She also says that alters typically don’t “grow-up”, I guess. A good amount of the time, they’ll manifest even more alters instead. That didn’t happen with him. (thank god)

I’m just gonna tag her in this so when she wakes up, she can add to it if she wants to. She can give a more medical perspective to things that I can’t, as well as probably throw in details I’m missing.

@thexuntamed

[spikeinthepunch]

Coati | Curses

ive done a few short one-shots for RSRP stuff, just for thoughts on my OCs and i guess i dont have any where to post them really but wanted to share here. so heres one.

The past few days may have been uneventful compared to the warrior training he could be doing, but the young apprentice had found a bit of solace in being safe and secure in camp. He had his paws all over moss and beds for the past day and spent even more time cleaning out rotted prey and picking up after tribe mates. He had picked out downy feathers from prey birds and made Coyotestone a larger bed of moss, hopefully enough for when Wolf Call may return from the healer’s den too. While the chores held a decent distraction, the further talks Coati had with Skink about the ghosts, lingered on his mind. It wasn’t really about the ghosts, but rather a looming darkness that felt so much bigger than whatever he was. He had listened to the elders tales, he heard about wars and sickness- the more recent tale of Specter was… vague, assuming this wound was still very fresh to the tribe. He hadn’t learned much about that one yet. But regardless, it seemed… real enough, right? Sickness, rogues, famine, battles. That stuff was real, he knew that. But as real as it all seemed, there was something suffocating about it as this new story unfolded right in front of him and the tribe he lived in. He didn’t want to say it, but when he and Skink passed their thoughts back and forth, this recurring thought kept coming up- Is all this bad stuff normal? Are we cursed? 

From what he was aware of, it almost felt like this list of tragic histories was never ending. He knew from his own parents that they held off on having kits because they were waiting for previous bad things to come to an end, but they just came one after the other until the pair finally decided to try. And out of all times he could’ve been born, the situation he was thrust into seemed horribly fantastical in comparison to the stories he heard from before his birth. 

It was late in the day now, the warmth of the sun failed to touch his fur as he sat a bit away from the apprentice den. What was left of the daylight left a soft, orange glow across the lip of the cave. This entire time, the young dark tom was simply...staring. Definitely lost in thought. While part of his brain would normally run off into daydream-land of thinking about warrior tasks and fighting and all the cool things he’d do once he was free to train like before, that was all coming to a halt. The wonderful turning gears in his head that distracted him from his important duties, the thing churning out fantasies of his future in the tribe- it was stuck now. Normally one would pin-point anxiety as the cause, but even that was stuck. It was all stuck. His white tail tip twitched a little, but his paws felt like they were on air. Oh- breathing, that was also stuck. And Coati was literally stuck too- stuck in camp. And now that solace of camp was gone too, because all the distress was on the inside. 

Suddenly he pulled back, eyes flickering up to movement near the nursery and the warriors den and the leaders den. The movement of his fellow tribe mates made him suddenly aware of his surroundings again. Coati breathed in and out swiftly, feeling as if he had been holding his breath underwater this entire time. But that “stuck” feeling could only now wash over in waves, pulsing an uneasiness he could barely describe. Everything around him continued seemingly normally but here he sat with this intense feeling that things were so much more wrong than ever- it was like no one even knew. He wondered how Skink was feeling too- she already wasn’t a fan of being a warrior it seemed, so maybe fears like this were easy to accept? But it wasn’t about whether or not Coati would be a warrior, it was about the future, which now seemed incredibly dark and unpredictable to the apprentice. Whatever was on the horizon, wasn’t normal, it wasn’t just another rogue or a sickness. There were so many more things he’d have yet to learn, things beyond his reach, things that a cat less than a year old had ever yet to experience. It felt like all at once, everyone around him was a million miles away from him, sitting distantly in this cold cave of home, that no longer felt as secure as it did when he was just a tiny kit.