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missdetective · 7 months ago
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PROTECTING YOUR FUTURE: THE BENEFITS OF PRE-MATRIMONIAL INVESTIGATION AND BACKGROUND CHECKS
The Matrimonial Investigation is a background check on both parties involved in the marriage. This often varies from checking financial records to checking the family's background and speaking to the references to collect valid and accurate information.
Importance of conducting a Pre-Matrimonial Investigation
Pre-matrimonial investigations help individuals verify the person's personal and professional backgrounds. They involve conducting a comprehensive check on all their educational qualifications, employment history, financial standing, social responsibility, past relationships, etc.
We are here to help you with the best pre – Matrimonial Investigation Services, our team of the finest detectives assists people by providing the exact required information they are looking for. At Miss Detective Agency, one can also specify the pointers that need to be taken care of and can directly meet the detectives in person for a better discussion of the case in detail. Our Investigation and Inquiry procedures are completely lawful and do not harm any person’s professional or private life. Hence making it easier for our clients to put complete faith in our agency as well as the detectives.
Following is a list of services provided by Miss Detective Agency for
Matrimonial Investigation cases:
Background check about the characters and habits
The societal and financial status of your spouse’s family
Information about past relationships
Character verification
Any form of substance abuse
Reputation of family and subject in the society, etc.
ROLE OF PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS IN PRE-MATRIMONIAL INVESTIGATIONS
A private investigator can search public records, verify facts, and interview people to collect information to collect and gather information which may be crucial for one’s investigation case. Our private investigators can help find key witnesses, collect evidence, and gather the necessary information required by the individual or organization to win the case. 
Our Private Investigators also carry out surveillance when necessary for Pre-matrimonial Investigation cases to help gather crucial information and evidence that can be useful in many legal procedures. Our detectives do thorough research of the case and follow all safety measures while investigating one’s case. We assure you that we are the best pre-matrimonial investigation agency in India, and clients can meet to discuss the case in detail with the investigators. We are the best private detective agency to put your faith in to have a secure future with your partner.
DELICACY OF THE CASES
We understand cases like these are the most sensitive ones and due to reasons like this, the client prefers choosing the best agencies where he can put his faith and confidence, Miss Detective Agency provides the best Pre-matrimonial Investigation service in India. Our Private Investigators understand the delicacy of the case and provide the required results. Cases like these also require complete truth from the client’s end for a better investigation and to get the most accurate evidence. Our detectives are very cooperative and very understanding of the sentiments of the clients.
What makes our Agency the Best Reliable Choice for you?
A good detective needs to have excellent communication skills – as the profession requires a lot of patience, good listening skills, empathy, and the ability to break complex problems which helps them in planning their investigations to achieve the desired results. Miss Detective Agency makes sure that our Investigators master all the necessary qualities of a good detective.
Below is the list of qualities that Miss Detective Agencies
Investigators inherit:
Attention to detail
Sharp observation skills
Ability to talk to people
Adaptability
Trustworthy and honest
Reliable and keeps all information confidential
ADVANTAGES OF PERFORMING THOROUGH BACKGROUND CHECKS BY MISS DETECTIVE AGENCY
From our perspective, personal protection is very important for each individual, especially with the increased number of criminal and fraudulent cases happening around the corner. One prefers to choose the best agency to get their task done in the exact required manner. Miss Detective Agency ensures all these services to their clients, keeping in mind all the sensitivities of the case and handling the case in the best manner, keeping in mind all the laws and not hurting someone’s privacy. Our Private Investigators consider all aspects during the investigation to prevent any kind of problem. 
Our Private Investigators also carry out surveillance when necessary for the case to help gather crucial information and evidence that can be useful in many legal procedures. Our detectives do thorough research of the case and follow all safety measures while investigating one’s case. Our office is located across India, and clients can meet to discuss the case in detail with the investigators We are the best private detective agency to put your faith in to have a secure future with your partner.
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aspirelearning · 4 years ago
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jimdsmith34 · 8 years ago
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The 6 Red Flags About My Relationship That Showed Me I Needed To End It
Theres no hurt quite like heartbreak, but sometimes, its necessary. Money, sex (or lack thereof), and different ambitions can sometimes put the lid on a relationship.
While theres something to be said for working things out, sometimes, breaking up is the only thing to do.
At the time, it might behard to articulate why itdidnt work out, but theres a reason for the term 20/20 hindsight. Time has a great way of putting it all in perspective.
When you look back on the slips and stumbles that led to your breakup, youll probably see that the signs something wasnt working out were all there.
And if youre anything like me, youll probably feel residual guilt.
Dont beat yourself up. There were reasons why it wasnt working out. Have confidencethat the break was necessary. It really wasnt supposed to be so much work.
Here are the things that showed me it was time to end my relationship:
1. I Was Always Stressed
Like the old saying about a frog in a pot of boiling water,the anxiety crept up so slowly on me that I got used to it over time.
It wasnt until the relationship was over and my heartbreak had healed that the knot in my stomach loosened and the tension in my shoulders uncoiled.
Most likely, the stress came from a combination of issuesthat werent completely about the relationship. In fact, it was probably pretty likely that a lot of stress from my life of my relationship contributed to stress it.
Money was the main one. I wasnt making enough, and he was makingless. Two of my past boyfriendshave been crushed by student debt,whichlimited their imagination for a future.
It was also difficultto scrounge up the savings to do something fun together. Because of that lack of imagination, they werealso probably more likely to spend extra dough on beer.
Money wasnt the only thing hurting those relationships, and I definitely dont believe I should have ended itbecause we didnt have money or my partnerwas in debt.
When it comes to health, though, Im a firmbeliever ineverybody doing whatis best for themselves.
2. We Were No Longer Emotionally Or Physically Intimate
I am anfan of feelings, as thecrybaby tattoo on my thigh would tell you. If I had to describe what kind of man I go for, I would probably use the word weeping in my description.
It surprised even me then, when I broke up with my first boyfriend because a TV show made him sob.
Again, as with all breakups, this wasnt theonlyreason I needed to end things. The truth was, we had been growing apart for quite some time. The distance between us was not only emotional, but physical as well.
Sex definitely shouldnt be the only thing keeping a relationship together. However, physical intimacy is like the lubricant that I think most relationships need. Sex makes arguments seem less significant, and it can wipe away a bad day at work with some tangible, physical feels.
After more than two years together, though, early infatuation had worn off, and wehad stopped having sex. And pretty soon, that meant that we grew farther apart in other ways, and the distance was impossible to close.
So when I looked over at my boyfriends tear-streaked face during the final episode of and yelled at him about how the show was justevil war propaganda, and therefore, he shouldnt be sad? I didntthink that it wasnt OK for him to cry.
I was just angry because I used to understand him, and I no longer did.
3. I Lost Touch With My Friends
That first relationship, the one I was just referring to, isolated me in more than one way. It was the first time I had been seriously involved with a person, and as we got together just after I graduated college, it was a period of enormous transition.
During our first few months together, myfriends were also goingoff to other cities to pursue their dreams. I missed them, of course, but I didnt have the strong urge to meet new people the way I would if I was single. I thought that my boyfriend could meet all of those needs.
I was wrong, though, as I would come to learn.Partners cannot be everything to one another, and its important tohave robustfriendships outside of them. Otherwise, youre placing a lot of burden on the relationship. Under all of that pressure, it was no wonder that things started to crumble.
I could have made new friends, of course, but my boyfriend was reluctant for me to spend time with other people.He was clingier than I was,and I didnt want to hurt him. So I allowed it, even though I knew it was making me unhappy.
If I had listened to myself then, I wouldnt have madeof us so miserable at the end.
4. He Wouldnt Give Me Space
Now that Ive been through a few rough breakups, I think I know that, in a securerelationship, a couple can give one another what each personneeds tofeelwhole in themselves, without relying on the other person.
Of course, I haventbeen in a relationship thats like that yet, but thats what I hear.
When my first relationship was on the rocks, I tried to take a few steps back to breathe and figure out what I really wanted.
My boyfriend said he was OK with a break, but still found a way to be near me: getting off his commuter bus right outside of the library where I would be studying, drinking at the bar where I was going with my friend, and even going so far as to guiltme into bringing him home to my parents for Thanksgiving.
If things were going swimmingly, I wouldnt have needed so much spacein the first place. And Im not sure that things would have lasted even if he granted it.
But the fact that he couldnt even grant a bit of freedom to me? Well, that told me everything.
5. He Projected His Failures On Me
Even as I write these words yearslater,I feelguilty. I feelthe immediate need to backpedal and saythat I dont reallymy ex-boyfriend was a failure that he was successful in all other ways than me.
I want to say, Guys, I swear, I dont mean it! He was good at his job! He probably has gotten a raise and makes more than me now! Heck, he even has a 401(k), and I have zero money in savings, so hell be able to retire one day!
See how I do that? See how I make myself smaller?
That instinct runsdeep with me. The bolder truth is that I amgood at things, but more than one boyfriend have found little ways to disempower me and takeme down.
One boyfriend would always tell me that it washard to make money as a writer. That I could write a book, but it was unlikely that it would get picked up by a major publisher, and even then, I wouldnt make enough to live on.
Healsoworked in publishingso hewould know.
Another boyfriend once cried to me thatwanted to be a writer, and didnt understand why I could do it and he couldnt.
Now, Im lucky enough to know that I just dont have time for that. The moment somebody tried to make more room for their ego by minimizing mine, Ineeded to end my relationship.
Your friends will tell youthat you were built to fly. Your partner should, too.
6. I Wanted MoreWhile He Wanted Less
I can look back at every single one of my breakups whether or not I was the person who initiated it and see that, ultimately, it came down to one of us wanting more than the other could give.
I broke up with my first boyfriend when I was 24 years old because I wanted more of. I wanted to grow as a person. I wanted to make new friends.
Yes, I also wanted to experience more lovers, even if it came with more heartbreak.
As for him, hehad been settled for a while. Its been over three years, and he still works in the same office and lives in the same house. I moved and changed jobs at least seven times before getting out of that city altogether.
Thats not to say that either path is good or bad. Its just what happened. If we had gotten married, it wouldnt have been right.
As a matter of fact, Im pretty sure hes getting married to the next girl he met very soon. And Im perfectly fine with it not being me.
My next boyfriend wanted less of an emotional commitment. Hedidnt want to take trips together and hated saying I love you. We were not moving toward anything and, with the exception of number four, all of the above symptoms had set in.
Both of those boyfriendswere completely different, to the extent that I even feel like I was somebody else when I was withthem.
Thinking about it now, that might be the biggest sign that I needed to end my relationship, but I couldnt have known that at the time.
Because first, I had to find myself.
source http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/28/the-6-red-flags-about-my-relationship-that-showed-me-i-needed-to-end-it/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/06/the-6-red-flags-about-my-relationship.html
0 notes
adambstingus · 8 years ago
Text
The 6 Red Flags About My Relationship That Showed Me I Needed To End It
Theres no hurt quite like heartbreak, but sometimes, its necessary. Money, sex (or lack thereof), and different ambitions can sometimes put the lid on a relationship.
While theres something to be said for working things out, sometimes, breaking up is the only thing to do.
At the time, it might behard to articulate why itdidnt work out, but theres a reason for the term 20/20 hindsight. Time has a great way of putting it all in perspective.
When you look back on the slips and stumbles that led to your breakup, youll probably see that the signs something wasnt working out were all there.
And if youre anything like me, youll probably feel residual guilt.
Dont beat yourself up. There were reasons why it wasnt working out. Have confidencethat the break was necessary. It really wasnt supposed to be so much work.
Here are the things that showed me it was time to end my relationship:
1. I Was Always Stressed
Like the old saying about a frog in a pot of boiling water,the anxiety crept up so slowly on me that I got used to it over time.
It wasnt until the relationship was over and my heartbreak had healed that the knot in my stomach loosened and the tension in my shoulders uncoiled.
Most likely, the stress came from a combination of issuesthat werent completely about the relationship. In fact, it was probably pretty likely that a lot of stress from my life of my relationship contributed to stress it.
Money was the main one. I wasnt making enough, and he was makingless. Two of my past boyfriendshave been crushed by student debt,whichlimited their imagination for a future.
It was also difficultto scrounge up the savings to do something fun together. Because of that lack of imagination, they werealso probably more likely to spend extra dough on beer.
Money wasnt the only thing hurting those relationships, and I definitely dont believe I should have ended itbecause we didnt have money or my partnerwas in debt.
When it comes to health, though, Im a firmbeliever ineverybody doing whatis best for themselves.
2. We Were No Longer Emotionally Or Physically Intimate
I am anfan of feelings, as thecrybaby tattoo on my thigh would tell you. If I had to describe what kind of man I go for, I would probably use the word weeping in my description.
It surprised even me then, when I broke up with my first boyfriend because a TV show made him sob.
Again, as with all breakups, this wasnt theonlyreason I needed to end things. The truth was, we had been growing apart for quite some time. The distance between us was not only emotional, but physical as well.
Sex definitely shouldnt be the only thing keeping a relationship together. However, physical intimacy is like the lubricant that I think most relationships need. Sex makes arguments seem less significant, and it can wipe away a bad day at work with some tangible, physical feels.
After more than two years together, though, early infatuation had worn off, and wehad stopped having sex. And pretty soon, that meant that we grew farther apart in other ways, and the distance was impossible to close.
So when I looked over at my boyfriends tear-streaked face during the final episode of and yelled at him about how the show was justevil war propaganda, and therefore, he shouldnt be sad? I didntthink that it wasnt OK for him to cry.
I was just angry because I used to understand him, and I no longer did.
3. I Lost Touch With My Friends
That first relationship, the one I was just referring to, isolated me in more than one way. It was the first time I had been seriously involved with a person, and as we got together just after I graduated college, it was a period of enormous transition.
During our first few months together, myfriends were also goingoff to other cities to pursue their dreams. I missed them, of course, but I didnt have the strong urge to meet new people the way I would if I was single. I thought that my boyfriend could meet all of those needs.
I was wrong, though, as I would come to learn.Partners cannot be everything to one another, and its important tohave robustfriendships outside of them. Otherwise, youre placing a lot of burden on the relationship. Under all of that pressure, it was no wonder that things started to crumble.
I could have made new friends, of course, but my boyfriend was reluctant for me to spend time with other people.He was clingier than I was,and I didnt want to hurt him. So I allowed it, even though I knew it was making me unhappy.
If I had listened to myself then, I wouldnt have madeof us so miserable at the end.
4. He Wouldnt Give Me Space
Now that Ive been through a few rough breakups, I think I know that, in a securerelationship, a couple can give one another what each personneeds tofeelwhole in themselves, without relying on the other person.
Of course, I haventbeen in a relationship thats like that yet, but thats what I hear.
When my first relationship was on the rocks, I tried to take a few steps back to breathe and figure out what I really wanted.
My boyfriend said he was OK with a break, but still found a way to be near me: getting off his commuter bus right outside of the library where I would be studying, drinking at the bar where I was going with my friend, and even going so far as to guiltme into bringing him home to my parents for Thanksgiving.
If things were going swimmingly, I wouldnt have needed so much spacein the first place. And Im not sure that things would have lasted even if he granted it.
But the fact that he couldnt even grant a bit of freedom to me? Well, that told me everything.
5. He Projected His Failures On Me
Even as I write these words yearslater,I feelguilty. I feelthe immediate need to backpedal and saythat I dont reallymy ex-boyfriend was a failure that he was successful in all other ways than me.
I want to say, Guys, I swear, I dont mean it! He was good at his job! He probably has gotten a raise and makes more than me now! Heck, he even has a 401(k), and I have zero money in savings, so hell be able to retire one day!
See how I do that? See how I make myself smaller?
That instinct runsdeep with me. The bolder truth is that I amgood at things, but more than one boyfriend have found little ways to disempower me and takeme down.
One boyfriend would always tell me that it washard to make money as a writer. That I could write a book, but it was unlikely that it would get picked up by a major publisher, and even then, I wouldnt make enough to live on.
Healsoworked in publishingso hewould know.
Another boyfriend once cried to me thatwanted to be a writer, and didnt understand why I could do it and he couldnt.
Now, Im lucky enough to know that I just dont have time for that. The moment somebody tried to make more room for their ego by minimizing mine, Ineeded to end my relationship.
Your friends will tell youthat you were built to fly. Your partner should, too.
6. I Wanted MoreWhile He Wanted Less
I can look back at every single one of my breakups whether or not I was the person who initiated it and see that, ultimately, it came down to one of us wanting more than the other could give.
I broke up with my first boyfriend when I was 24 years old because I wanted more of. I wanted to grow as a person. I wanted to make new friends.
Yes, I also wanted to experience more lovers, even if it came with more heartbreak.
As for him, hehad been settled for a while. Its been over three years, and he still works in the same office and lives in the same house. I moved and changed jobs at least seven times before getting out of that city altogether.
Thats not to say that either path is good or bad. Its just what happened. If we had gotten married, it wouldnt have been right.
As a matter of fact, Im pretty sure hes getting married to the next girl he met very soon. And Im perfectly fine with it not being me.
My next boyfriend wanted less of an emotional commitment. Hedidnt want to take trips together and hated saying I love you. We were not moving toward anything and, with the exception of number four, all of the above symptoms had set in.
Both of those boyfriendswere completely different, to the extent that I even feel like I was somebody else when I was withthem.
Thinking about it now, that might be the biggest sign that I needed to end my relationship, but I couldnt have known that at the time.
Because first, I had to find myself.
from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/28/the-6-red-flags-about-my-relationship-that-showed-me-i-needed-to-end-it/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/162338064777
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samanthasroberts · 8 years ago
Text
The 6 Red Flags About My Relationship That Showed Me I Needed To End It
Theres no hurt quite like heartbreak, but sometimes, its necessary. Money, sex (or lack thereof), and different ambitions can sometimes put the lid on a relationship.
While theres something to be said for working things out, sometimes, breaking up is the only thing to do.
At the time, it might behard to articulate why itdidnt work out, but theres a reason for the term 20/20 hindsight. Time has a great way of putting it all in perspective.
When you look back on the slips and stumbles that led to your breakup, youll probably see that the signs something wasnt working out were all there.
And if youre anything like me, youll probably feel residual guilt.
Dont beat yourself up. There were reasons why it wasnt working out. Have confidencethat the break was necessary. It really wasnt supposed to be so much work.
Here are the things that showed me it was time to end my relationship:
1. I Was Always Stressed
Like the old saying about a frog in a pot of boiling water,the anxiety crept up so slowly on me that I got used to it over time.
It wasnt until the relationship was over and my heartbreak had healed that the knot in my stomach loosened and the tension in my shoulders uncoiled.
Most likely, the stress came from a combination of issuesthat werent completely about the relationship. In fact, it was probably pretty likely that a lot of stress from my life of my relationship contributed to stress it.
Money was the main one. I wasnt making enough, and he was makingless. Two of my past boyfriendshave been crushed by student debt,whichlimited their imagination for a future.
It was also difficultto scrounge up the savings to do something fun together. Because of that lack of imagination, they werealso probably more likely to spend extra dough on beer.
Money wasnt the only thing hurting those relationships, and I definitely dont believe I should have ended itbecause we didnt have money or my partnerwas in debt.
When it comes to health, though, Im a firmbeliever ineverybody doing whatis best for themselves.
2. We Were No Longer Emotionally Or Physically Intimate
I am anfan of feelings, as thecrybaby tattoo on my thigh would tell you. If I had to describe what kind of man I go for, I would probably use the word weeping in my description.
It surprised even me then, when I broke up with my first boyfriend because a TV show made him sob.
Again, as with all breakups, this wasnt theonlyreason I needed to end things. The truth was, we had been growing apart for quite some time. The distance between us was not only emotional, but physical as well.
Sex definitely shouldnt be the only thing keeping a relationship together. However, physical intimacy is like the lubricant that I think most relationships need. Sex makes arguments seem less significant, and it can wipe away a bad day at work with some tangible, physical feels.
After more than two years together, though, early infatuation had worn off, and wehad stopped having sex. And pretty soon, that meant that we grew farther apart in other ways, and the distance was impossible to close.
So when I looked over at my boyfriends tear-streaked face during the final episode of and yelled at him about how the show was justevil war propaganda, and therefore, he shouldnt be sad? I didntthink that it wasnt OK for him to cry.
I was just angry because I used to understand him, and I no longer did.
3. I Lost Touch With My Friends
That first relationship, the one I was just referring to, isolated me in more than one way. It was the first time I had been seriously involved with a person, and as we got together just after I graduated college, it was a period of enormous transition.
During our first few months together, myfriends were also goingoff to other cities to pursue their dreams. I missed them, of course, but I didnt have the strong urge to meet new people the way I would if I was single. I thought that my boyfriend could meet all of those needs.
I was wrong, though, as I would come to learn.Partners cannot be everything to one another, and its important tohave robustfriendships outside of them. Otherwise, youre placing a lot of burden on the relationship. Under all of that pressure, it was no wonder that things started to crumble.
I could have made new friends, of course, but my boyfriend was reluctant for me to spend time with other people.He was clingier than I was,and I didnt want to hurt him. So I allowed it, even though I knew it was making me unhappy.
If I had listened to myself then, I wouldnt have madeof us so miserable at the end.
4. He Wouldnt Give Me Space
Now that Ive been through a few rough breakups, I think I know that, in a securerelationship, a couple can give one another what each personneeds tofeelwhole in themselves, without relying on the other person.
Of course, I haventbeen in a relationship thats like that yet, but thats what I hear.
When my first relationship was on the rocks, I tried to take a few steps back to breathe and figure out what I really wanted.
My boyfriend said he was OK with a break, but still found a way to be near me: getting off his commuter bus right outside of the library where I would be studying, drinking at the bar where I was going with my friend, and even going so far as to guiltme into bringing him home to my parents for Thanksgiving.
If things were going swimmingly, I wouldnt have needed so much spacein the first place. And Im not sure that things would have lasted even if he granted it.
But the fact that he couldnt even grant a bit of freedom to me? Well, that told me everything.
5. He Projected His Failures On Me
Even as I write these words yearslater,I feelguilty. I feelthe immediate need to backpedal and saythat I dont reallymy ex-boyfriend was a failure that he was successful in all other ways than me.
I want to say, Guys, I swear, I dont mean it! He was good at his job! He probably has gotten a raise and makes more than me now! Heck, he even has a 401(k), and I have zero money in savings, so hell be able to retire one day!
See how I do that? See how I make myself smaller?
That instinct runsdeep with me. The bolder truth is that I amgood at things, but more than one boyfriend have found little ways to disempower me and takeme down.
One boyfriend would always tell me that it washard to make money as a writer. That I could write a book, but it was unlikely that it would get picked up by a major publisher, and even then, I wouldnt make enough to live on.
Healsoworked in publishingso hewould know.
Another boyfriend once cried to me thatwanted to be a writer, and didnt understand why I could do it and he couldnt.
Now, Im lucky enough to know that I just dont have time for that. The moment somebody tried to make more room for their ego by minimizing mine, Ineeded to end my relationship.
Your friends will tell youthat you were built to fly. Your partner should, too.
6. I Wanted MoreWhile He Wanted Less
I can look back at every single one of my breakups whether or not I was the person who initiated it and see that, ultimately, it came down to one of us wanting more than the other could give.
I broke up with my first boyfriend when I was 24 years old because I wanted more of. I wanted to grow as a person. I wanted to make new friends.
Yes, I also wanted to experience more lovers, even if it came with more heartbreak.
As for him, hehad been settled for a while. Its been over three years, and he still works in the same office and lives in the same house. I moved and changed jobs at least seven times before getting out of that city altogether.
Thats not to say that either path is good or bad. Its just what happened. If we had gotten married, it wouldnt have been right.
As a matter of fact, Im pretty sure hes getting married to the next girl he met very soon. And Im perfectly fine with it not being me.
My next boyfriend wanted less of an emotional commitment. Hedidnt want to take trips together and hated saying I love you. We were not moving toward anything and, with the exception of number four, all of the above symptoms had set in.
Both of those boyfriendswere completely different, to the extent that I even feel like I was somebody else when I was withthem.
Thinking about it now, that might be the biggest sign that I needed to end my relationship, but I couldnt have known that at the time.
Because first, I had to find myself.
Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/28/the-6-red-flags-about-my-relationship-that-showed-me-i-needed-to-end-it/
from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/06/28/the-6-red-flags-about-my-relationship-that-showed-me-i-needed-to-end-it/
0 notes
allofbeercom · 8 years ago
Text
The 6 Red Flags About My Relationship That Showed Me I Needed To End It
Theres no hurt quite like heartbreak, but sometimes, its necessary. Money, sex (or lack thereof), and different ambitions can sometimes put the lid on a relationship.
While theres something to be said for working things out, sometimes, breaking up is the only thing to do.
At the time, it might behard to articulate why itdidnt work out, but theres a reason for the term 20/20 hindsight. Time has a great way of putting it all in perspective.
When you look back on the slips and stumbles that led to your breakup, youll probably see that the signs something wasnt working out were all there.
And if youre anything like me, youll probably feel residual guilt.
Dont beat yourself up. There were reasons why it wasnt working out. Have confidencethat the break was necessary. It really wasnt supposed to be so much work.
Here are the things that showed me it was time to end my relationship:
1. I Was Always Stressed
Like the old saying about a frog in a pot of boiling water,the anxiety crept up so slowly on me that I got used to it over time.
It wasnt until the relationship was over and my heartbreak had healed that the knot in my stomach loosened and the tension in my shoulders uncoiled.
Most likely, the stress came from a combination of issuesthat werent completely about the relationship. In fact, it was probably pretty likely that a lot of stress from my life of my relationship contributed to stress it.
Money was the main one. I wasnt making enough, and he was makingless. Two of my past boyfriendshave been crushed by student debt,whichlimited their imagination for a future.
It was also difficultto scrounge up the savings to do something fun together. Because of that lack of imagination, they werealso probably more likely to spend extra dough on beer.
Money wasnt the only thing hurting those relationships, and I definitely dont believe I should have ended itbecause we didnt have money or my partnerwas in debt.
When it comes to health, though, Im a firmbeliever ineverybody doing whatis best for themselves.
2. We Were No Longer Emotionally Or Physically Intimate
I am anfan of feelings, as thecrybaby tattoo on my thigh would tell you. If I had to describe what kind of man I go for, I would probably use the word weeping in my description.
It surprised even me then, when I broke up with my first boyfriend because a TV show made him sob.
Again, as with all breakups, this wasnt theonlyreason I needed to end things. The truth was, we had been growing apart for quite some time. The distance between us was not only emotional, but physical as well.
Sex definitely shouldnt be the only thing keeping a relationship together. However, physical intimacy is like the lubricant that I think most relationships need. Sex makes arguments seem less significant, and it can wipe away a bad day at work with some tangible, physical feels.
After more than two years together, though, early infatuation had worn off, and wehad stopped having sex. And pretty soon, that meant that we grew farther apart in other ways, and the distance was impossible to close.
So when I looked over at my boyfriends tear-streaked face during the final episode of and yelled at him about how the show was justevil war propaganda, and therefore, he shouldnt be sad? I didntthink that it wasnt OK for him to cry.
I was just angry because I used to understand him, and I no longer did.
3. I Lost Touch With My Friends
That first relationship, the one I was just referring to, isolated me in more than one way. It was the first time I had been seriously involved with a person, and as we got together just after I graduated college, it was a period of enormous transition.
During our first few months together, myfriends were also goingoff to other cities to pursue their dreams. I missed them, of course, but I didnt have the strong urge to meet new people the way I would if I was single. I thought that my boyfriend could meet all of those needs.
I was wrong, though, as I would come to learn.Partners cannot be everything to one another, and its important tohave robustfriendships outside of them. Otherwise, youre placing a lot of burden on the relationship. Under all of that pressure, it was no wonder that things started to crumble.
I could have made new friends, of course, but my boyfriend was reluctant for me to spend time with other people.He was clingier than I was,and I didnt want to hurt him. So I allowed it, even though I knew it was making me unhappy.
If I had listened to myself then, I wouldnt have madeof us so miserable at the end.
4. He Wouldnt Give Me Space
Now that Ive been through a few rough breakups, I think I know that, in a securerelationship, a couple can give one another what each personneeds tofeelwhole in themselves, without relying on the other person.
Of course, I haventbeen in a relationship thats like that yet, but thats what I hear.
When my first relationship was on the rocks, I tried to take a few steps back to breathe and figure out what I really wanted.
My boyfriend said he was OK with a break, but still found a way to be near me: getting off his commuter bus right outside of the library where I would be studying, drinking at the bar where I was going with my friend, and even going so far as to guiltme into bringing him home to my parents for Thanksgiving.
If things were going swimmingly, I wouldnt have needed so much spacein the first place. And Im not sure that things would have lasted even if he granted it.
But the fact that he couldnt even grant a bit of freedom to me? Well, that told me everything.
5. He Projected His Failures On Me
Even as I write these words yearslater,I feelguilty. I feelthe immediate need to backpedal and saythat I dont reallymy ex-boyfriend was a failure that he was successful in all other ways than me.
I want to say, Guys, I swear, I dont mean it! He was good at his job! He probably has gotten a raise and makes more than me now! Heck, he even has a 401(k), and I have zero money in savings, so hell be able to retire one day!
See how I do that? See how I make myself smaller?
That instinct runsdeep with me. The bolder truth is that I amgood at things, but more than one boyfriend have found little ways to disempower me and takeme down.
One boyfriend would always tell me that it washard to make money as a writer. That I could write a book, but it was unlikely that it would get picked up by a major publisher, and even then, I wouldnt make enough to live on.
Healsoworked in publishingso hewould know.
Another boyfriend once cried to me thatwanted to be a writer, and didnt understand why I could do it and he couldnt.
Now, Im lucky enough to know that I just dont have time for that. The moment somebody tried to make more room for their ego by minimizing mine, Ineeded to end my relationship.
Your friends will tell youthat you were built to fly. Your partner should, too.
6. I Wanted MoreWhile He Wanted Less
I can look back at every single one of my breakups whether or not I was the person who initiated it and see that, ultimately, it came down to one of us wanting more than the other could give.
I broke up with my first boyfriend when I was 24 years old because I wanted more of. I wanted to grow as a person. I wanted to make new friends.
Yes, I also wanted to experience more lovers, even if it came with more heartbreak.
As for him, hehad been settled for a while. Its been over three years, and he still works in the same office and lives in the same house. I moved and changed jobs at least seven times before getting out of that city altogether.
Thats not to say that either path is good or bad. Its just what happened. If we had gotten married, it wouldnt have been right.
As a matter of fact, Im pretty sure hes getting married to the next girl he met very soon. And Im perfectly fine with it not being me.
My next boyfriend wanted less of an emotional commitment. Hedidnt want to take trips together and hated saying I love you. We were not moving toward anything and, with the exception of number four, all of the above symptoms had set in.
Both of those boyfriendswere completely different, to the extent that I even feel like I was somebody else when I was withthem.
Thinking about it now, that might be the biggest sign that I needed to end my relationship, but I couldnt have known that at the time.
Because first, I had to find myself.
from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/28/the-6-red-flags-about-my-relationship-that-showed-me-i-needed-to-end-it/
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aspirelearning · 4 years ago
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