#SkincareIsMagicAndScience

[not-glorfindel-stop-asking]

Hey Lindir!!!

Sorry to bother you, I, a mere mortal, find myself wondering... Do you have a skincare routine or haircare routine amongst the Elves? You all look FABULOUS, you can tell me if it's magic or some products you know!

Elven Skincare EXPOSED: 10 Secrets to Looking Immortal (Even If You’re Not)

Ah, my dear mortal friend, you are most wise to inquire about such matters! For truly, what is the point of immortality if not to remain devastatingly flawless while enduring the endless nonsense of Rivendell? 💅✨

Now, let me tell you the truth of Elven beauty. You suspect magic? Well, yes. Of course, there is magic. But it is not some mystical spell whispered to the moon—it is the magic of discipline, dedication, and a deep respect for nature. Also, sometimes sheer spite. Glorfindel may think he shines naturally, but let me tell you, I have SEEN the imported oils in his chambers. I KNOW THE TRUTH. 😤

And now, because I am gracious (and because I take pity on mortals who age like fruit left in the sun), I shall share with you the sacred wisdom of Elven skincare and haircare.

LINDIR’S GUIDE TO ELVEN BEAUTY: LOOK ETHEREAL OR DIE TRYING

1. WATER. WATER. MORE WATER. 💧💦 Do you think we sip delicate elven wine all day? No! Hydration is key! I drink water constantly, and if I see a single mortal claim “I forgot to drink water today,” I will appear in your home personally to scold you. Dehydrated skin? Couldn’t be me.

2. CLEANSE LIKE YOUR IMMORTALITY DEPENDS ON IT. 🛁🌿 Every night, I cleanse my face with a mixture of spring water, crushed elf-willow bark, and a whisper of regret. (The regret is optional, but it adds flavor.) And NO, we do NOT use harsh soaps! That is barbarism. Instead, we use gentle botanical oils. Speaking of which…

3. OIL IS YOUR FRIEND, NOT YOUR ENEMY. 🌿✨ Mortal beauty regimens are full of tragedy. You strip your skin, you fear oils, and then you wonder why your face retaliates. Stop this madness. A little elanor blossom oil? Divine. A touch of miruvor essence? Rejuvenating. Do not fear the natural oils—fear dryness, for it is the true enemy.

4. HAIRCARE: BRUSH IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT. 🏹🦁 Elven hair flows like silk woven by the stars, and it is because we respect it. Every morning and night, I brush mine with a comb carved from mallorn wood, infused with elderberry oil. Does this take time? Yes. But perfection demands patience. Also, if I go outside and the wind dares to tangle it, I declare vengeance upon the elements.

5. MASKS: YOUR FACE DESERVES LUXURY. 🏺✨ Do you want a glow that makes the moon jealous? Then you must use a mask. I mix crushed lembas grains, a drizzle of honey, and a single tear of frustration every fortnight. (Do not ask why I am frustrated. The answer is always Glorfindel.)

6. ELVES SMELL LIKE A FOREST BREEZE AND YOU CAN TOO. 🌲💨 Scent is part of beauty, my dear mortal. You must smell fresh, like a dawn-kissed meadow. Mortals have soaps full of chemicals (why do you do this?), but elves use sandalwood, lavender, and wild rosemary. If you do not smell like a gentle memory from a dream, are you even trying?

7. SUN PROTECTION: YES, EVEN ELVES DO IT. ☀️🛡️ Do you think we just stand in golden light with no consequences? NO. Even elves respect the sun. We wear cloaks. We seek shade. We use protective balms made from sage and elderflower. If you roast like a human sausage at a summer feast, that is your fault.

8. NIGHTTIME ROUTINE: REGENERATE LIKE AN ELF, NOT A GOBLIN. 🌙✨ Before bed, I do the following:

A final cleanse (see Step 2)

A light mist of moonblossom water

A whispered complaint about my day (essential)

A prayer to the Valar that my hair does not tangle overnight

9. PLANT-BASED DIET: YOUR FACE IS WHAT YOU EAT. 🥗🌿 Yes, we eat fresh, wholesome, natural food. If you consume nothing but salted meats and questionable bread, your skin will weep. Eat like an elf! Berries, greens, nuts, things that do not look like battlefield rations.

10. STRESS? DON’T. 😌🍵 Do you know what ruins beauty? Worry. But what if you, like me, are surrounded by stressful people who insist on breaking your lute? (Yes, Glorfindel, I am talking about you.) Then you must meditate. Breathe deeply. Think of a serene forest, untouched by chaos. If that fails? A glass of wine and an aggressively long bath.

There you have it, dear mortal. The sacred elven wisdom of skincare and haircare. Use it well. And if you ever doubt me—just look at Glorfindel. He may shine like the sun, but I?

I glow like the moon, with superior hydration. ✨

Now, my dear mortal friend, you seek the wisdom of the Eldar? Very well. I shall grant you peace for your dry skin, strength for your weary hair, and perhaps—just perhaps—hope for your mortal complexion. 🌿✨ But beware! With great beauty comes great responsibility. If you follow these secrets, do not be surprised if strangers mistake you for a being of legend.

1. The “I Have Not Slept Since the Second Age” Face Mask ☕🌿

For when life (and bad decisions) have left you looking like you wandered out of Mirkwood.

You shall require:

1 tbsp coffee grounds (for that resurrected-by-Valar glow)

1 tbsp honey (because even your face deserves a little sweetness)

1 tbsp yogurt (to soothe your tragic, battle-worn visage)

Mix, apply for 10 minutes, and rinse with lukewarm water. This will leave your skin looking refreshed, as though you haven’t been suffering through yet another sleepless age.

2. The “Elves Do Not Get Split Ends” Hair Elixir 🍃🌿

A secret passed down through the ages, because no elf has ever been seen with frizz. Ever.

You shall require:

1 cup water (preferably from an enchanted spring, but mortal tap water may suffice)

2 sprigs fresh rosemary (for strength, endurance, and possibly elven wisdom)

5 drops lavender oil (to smell like Rivendell and not a battlefield)

5 drops argan oil (for that Lórien shine)

Boil the water, add the rosemary, and let it steep until cool. Strain, add oils, and pour into a spray bottle. Mist onto your hair daily for strength, shine, and the satisfaction of knowing you now possess a superior beauty routine.

3. The “I Must Not Look Like I Have Fought Orcs Today” Under-Eye Treatment 🌙

For when the weight of the world—and possibly the weight of bad decisions—rests upon your face.

You shall require:

2 green tea bags (to erase all evidence of your suffering)

1 tbsp aloe vera gel (for that ethereal under-eye glow)

Steep the tea bags, let them cool, then place them over your eyes for 10 minutes. Follow with a dab of aloe vera. Congratulations! You are now less haunted-looking.

4. The “I Must Smell Like an Elf, Not a Tavern” Body Mist 🌿✨

Because nothing says immortal beauty like smelling faintly of enchanted forests.

You shall require:

½ cup witch hazel (for a crisp, magical base)

½ cup rose water (to make you feel like an elf from a tragic ballad)

10 drops cedarwood oil (to smell mysterious and ancient)

5 drops vanilla extract (because elves are just a little indulgent)

Mix, pour into a spray bottle, and mist yourself liberally. People will wonder if you have just stepped out of Lothlórien. You will simply smile and disappear into the mist.

Now go forth, my luminous mortal! May your hair be sleek, your skin be radiant, and your scent be as intoxicating as the golden woods of Lórien. And should anyone ask how you achieved such ethereal beauty? Simply say:

"An elf never reveals their secrets." ✨🌿